StaceyinLA Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I am really torn now. I am hoping that the things we discussed will lead to some desire from her to go to counseling and possibly take some medications. We ended it on a positive, "we'll talk more tomorrow," note. She told me she loved me. These are some of the things that she said. I tried to respond to everything in a way that would make her understand my feelings about her behavior, but without being preachy or rude. that I basically broke her heart that she couldn't eat or sleep and she had a sick feeling in her stomach that I make her want to punch herself in the stomach, or that is what it feels like that I don't understand her that she feels alone all the time that she can't stand all the drama in her life that no one is really there for her that she hates her life right now. she doesn't want to hate it, but she does. there is nothing good in it right now. that she wants to go to CA so she can "start over" without gossipy people in her life that she will really miss us when she goes and we are not the reason she is leaving, but it is something she feels like she HAS to do that she has considered going for 2 weeks just to see if she'll like it then coming home and waiting until she's 18 to go back I don't know what to do. This kid is confused. This kid needs counseling. This kid needs anti-depressants. I am just trying to get her to understand that. I told her how much she hurt me when she ran away. I told her that maybe I kicked her out to protect myself from the hurt when she goes to CA. I told her that she her disrespect wasn't something I could live with. I was honest, open and I meant it. I LOVE my child. What can I do for her?? If she really NEEDS me I want to be there. But I know I have to proceed with caution or we'll be right back where we were. I have prayed and prayed. I have cried so much that this morning my eyes look deformed. Half the time last night I couldn't even read the phone to text. What happened to that precious little child who adored me? Is she still in there somewhere?? Any ideas about where to go from here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret in GA Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Hugs to you. I would tell her that your home is open to her with no strings attached when she's done in CA. She might need this if she finds she's over her head. I know she thinks she's ready to be an adult, but if she changes her mind it would be nice to be able to come home. Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farmgirlinwv Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Make sure she knows you'll help her *no matter what*. My father told me not to come home if I did certain things. So for awhile I was homeless and went through an extremely difficult time that has effected the rest of my life. We all mess up. God doesn't kick us out of the family. If/When we want back in, He lets us. Prayers for you, but mostly for your dd, Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Sounds like she is only trying to run away from herself. Unfortunately in CA or anyway, she's going to be looking at the same self in the mirror as she did before she left. (HUGS) and wish all it took was a big ol' roadblock on I-10 to keep her from leaving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Sounds like she is only trying to run away from herself. Unfortunately in CA or anyway, she's going to be looking at the same self in the mirror as she did before she left. I think you got her pegged. I wonder what would happen if you stuck to your tough stance and told her if she wanted to change those things then change them by getting back on meds and seeing a doctor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LNC Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 She can have a new life and a fresh start right at home. Do you have a pastor she can meet with? I'll be praying for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eleni Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 When I was her age, my mom and I went through a very hard time. The problem was not with my mom though...it was with me and certain events that happened with the group of people I hung out with. I NEEDED to get away. I still to this day have not told my mother WHY I needed to go. I told her that I needed to leave, that I just couldnt stay any longer. She worked things out with my oldest brother, who was in WY (we were in OH) and I went to live with him. It gave me time to clear my head, and I got a clear understanding of consequences when I failed History and my brother sent me back to mom. I was there with the understanding that I had to do well in school. When I got home, my head was clear, I knew what I wanted to do with myself. My mom told me it was my decision whether or not I finished high school. I finished up at an alternative HS and pulled great grades and was very focused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I'm reading a book right now called "Hold on to your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld. It's all about how to be there for your kids and connect with them. You might want to see if it's at your library. It talks about what happens when your kids turn away from you and turn to their peers. It talks about how to re-establish the connection between you and the child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 It might help to: Let her know depression isn't about "feelings". Depression is an actual physical problem with your body. It changes things chemically, making us unable to process information accurately, diminishing the chemicals that keep us focused and productive and is not fixable by "thinking better". Depression is a problem; her body is not working correctly. Let her know that her feelings are not uncommon for her age (and gender). She is *not* alone in feeling like she does. In this vein, you will probably want to shy away from talking her out of her feelings (the depression prevents her from hearing you anyway), applying scripture in a way designed to make her positive or trying to explain that things "aren't that bad". If you ever *have* felt the way she does, or similar, share *that*. I also agree with the above. She does need a fresh start, but she can't get one until the underlying issues are addressed. She'd take her old start to CA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I don't know the whole story behind going to CA, but, if she's going to be in a safe place, with people who love her and can be trusted, going there might just be what she needs. Not because her life will be different, but because it WON'T. Sometimes we have to live the truth of a situation (as opposed to being told the truth of a situation) before it clicks. If she thinks there are gossipy people in LA, there are 10x as many in CA. People are people all the world over. Only a doctor can tell if she needs meds, so I'm not going to go there with that. I hope she'll agree to some counseling; but if not, she may need some therapy from the school of hard knocks. Just be there for her, don't bail on her, but don't enable her, either. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Rittenhouse Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 (edited) We ended it on a positive, "we'll talk more tomorrow," note. She told me she loved me. Great you haven't lost her! that I basically broke her heart She loves you dearly. that she couldn't eat or sleep and she had a sick feeling in her stomach She misses you incredibly. that I make her want to punch herself in the stomach, or that is what it feels like that I don't understand her She is frustrated by your rules and feels you aren't listening to her real needs. that she feels alone all the time She needs you to talk to. that she can't stand all the drama in her life that no one is really there for her that she hates her life right now. she doesn't want to hate it, but she does. there is nothing good in it right now. that she wants to go to CA so she can "start over" without gossipy people in her life This is really important! She's telling you what's really wrong. Ask her about this drama and gossip and give her ways to control this. Using online time and phone time differently, ask her if she'd like to start something new, begin classes at a local college, start with new acquaintances, etc. Start by talking with her about the differences between "high school" friends and "adult" friendships. The key to it all may lie right here, she may feel very trapped by her frienenemies and doesn't know how to "escape" to adult life while still at home. that she will really miss us when she goes and we are not the reason she is leaving, but it is something she feels like she HAS to do !!!!!!!!!! Ding! Ding! Find out why? You're mom, this is the biggest part of your job as a teen parent. Listen without judgement. I don't know what to do. This kid is confused. This kid needs counseling. This kid needs anti-depressants. I am just trying to get her to understand that. Maybe not, see above! She may very well be confused, and hurt, and trapped and she doesn't have the skills and maturity to see new solutions. Talk with her. Invite her to a neutral place, coffee at Starbucks. Commit to just listening for 15 minutes. Tell her you love her. I do have an idea. Would you both consider a mother daughter diary? Buy a nice blank page book. Begin with your own entry and then slip it under her pillow, or give it her when you see her if she's temporarily out of the house. Tell her that this is a very special book were she and you can talk without yelling. Tell her she can write whatever she needs you to hear in the diary and you will read it and then write back not as a mom, but as an older woman in friendship with a younger woman. Tell her that whatever she writes in the book will never be brought up in conversation unless she initiates the discussion and that when the book is filled it is her's to keep. She doesn't have to write every day and does not need to respond to an entry right away. When she's ready for you to read it, slip the book back under your pillow, or exchange at the next planned meeting. Always tell her what she's done right lately and that you love her dearly. Think very carefully about what you write to her, a scrap copy edited over a couple of days would be best. Try to assume the role of an adult friend when giving advice, much like how we carefully moderate our entries here. This diary is not for flaming on your part. She should be allowed to express her feelings, even if she's angry. In the end set this diary up to be an extended texting conversation, but on a much slower and more thoughtful timescale. Hope this helps. Hugs to you both. All is not lost, have courage! Edited January 12, 2009 by Anne Rittenhouse Because I suffer from excessive unwanted advice giving and my facebook account is down for maintenance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadiegirl Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 What is in California that pulling her to go there? I myself don't know if I would want a child out in that environment if she is searching and somewhat confused and lost feeling. Is there possibly another place where she could visit for a period of time...a family member or close family friends that she could visit. My husband's cousin who is early 20s comes to visit us and many times, I find that it helps to talk with family members that they can trust confidentially and that will give good sound advice that they might not talk from Mom and Dad. He comes here and plays with my boys, reads alot and walks the lake and just clears his head. lots of laughter, good food and rest for his soul. And then my husband and I are the ones that he ends up opening up with and listening to advice that his folks are in synch with. Is there a volunteer organization that she could get involved in? I know you say she may need medication but sometimes focusing on others needs is the best way to medicate your spirit. Good luck, prayers are with you and your loved ones. stay strong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 First, there is NOTHING in CA. She has one guy friend there who models. She just thinks it'll be all glam and fun. He has no family there so he is the ONLY person she will know, and he is 19. NOT good! Secondly, I sent her a text this morning. I told her how about she come home, we see a counselor together, she try taking meds for at least a month or two, we do some things together (like a class or something fun), she try and break away from her circle, and then, if she wanted to go to CA when she turned 18, I'd support her. She sent me a text back and said how about she move home, NOT see a counselor, go to CA for 2 weeks to see if she likes it, come back, try the meds then, and go there with my support at 18 if she wants. I told her that I couldn't support that, that she needed the meds, and that if she'd try the meds for a month we'd talk about a trip for 2 weeks to cali after that. This was her response to that: "Nah. I'm going to cali. On the 22nd. Whether its to live or to stay a couple weeks. So you need to make up your mind what you'd rather. But if you're gonna be mean about it, i'll just go to live." To which I replied: "Whatever you choose. Just make sure you take care of your speeding ticket before you leave cuz I'm not coming to get you out of a california jail." To which she replied" "w.e." So, she is just playing me. She just wanted to soften me up to get her way. Gosh I feel stupid. But I'm calling her bluff. She is NOT coming home unless it is on MY terms, as much as I hate it. Just keep praying for her - for her safety and that she'll find her way back home... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 It sounds like she is rudderless. Does she have a purpose? An overweaning goal that helps direct her actions? College? A profession? Any ambition? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Rittenhouse Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 (edited) wow, she's behaving like my 4yo son. He told me he hated me, I was a meany and he was running away. I called his bluff, packed his bag and put him on the front porch. He got to the end of the drive way. I'd pack her bag, drive her to the bus station, buy a ticket for LA and walk away. I think you'll lose the bus ticket money, but I bet she won't get there all the way. You'll be buying another bus ticket from Arizona home. Do you have a relative in another state that would take her for awhile? Edited January 12, 2009 by Anne Rittenhouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 where my cousin and his family live. She is close with his kids. She said no. CA is where she wants to go. I'm just waiting to see if they will sell her a bus or plane ticket at her age... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ELaurie Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 (and my prayers) Let her know you are willing to go to counseling with her. At 17, she may feel very apprehensive about seeing a counselor on her own; ultimately, individual counseling may be the best route for her to pursue, but for now, I'd let her know that you're in this together, and that you're wiling to address whatever you may be contributing to the difficulties as a demonstration that you are truly on her side. A good counselor can help you sort it out further from there. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 My gut says to go get her and get help for her. Tell her that you can give your blessing for her to go to CA if she will promise to do counseling for 4 weeks first and start on meds for depression. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 that once she goes to the counselor once, if I can even get her there, she can just leave home again. Short of tying her up or putting her in a home, there is NO keeping her here. She has already run away twice. And I have made this offer, and, as you can see, she refused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 And we did see a counselor last year after she ran away - once. She didn't want to see her again and basically told me she wouldn't go. Short of physically dragging her there, there was no way to make her go. She has a really bad attitude about the counseling thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I can easily imagine feeling all of the things that you mentioned in both of her sets of text messages, and all of them at once as well. It reminds me of a story I heard a very long time ago--don't know whether it is true or not, but apparently wealthy families in a certain part of Japan, it used to be customary to exchange sons with your best friends when the sons reached adolescence. That way, the sons would learn a trade or business different from the family's, to enhance their abilities; and also, when they inevitably rebelled and ran away, instead of running away from their father, they would run away TO their fathers. Makes a lot of sense to me! Bottom line, is there someone else that she can live with for a while who doesn't have the baggage that you do, that she doesn't have to feel totally submissive and beaten if she is nice to them, and that can motivate her to get the help that she needs? Barring that, can you put her into a 30 day mental health residential program, to get her that treatment in a way that is detached from you? I don't think that you'll be able to do that once she is 18, so now is the time to consider it. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Really, though, I bet she loves you and is also afraid that you don't really love her, in the mix with all of the other ugliness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 But I am going to look into some options over the next couple of days. I know she isn't going anywhere until the 22nd (if she does). Honestly, I am at a loss. I do think she was trying to soften me up to agree to her terms. That's the type of thing that has happened in the past. I just don't think I can cave this time. I have to stand firm. Otherwise, she will keep doing this to me forever. I am just praying that between now and the 22nd, something will change her heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 She has a speeding ticket? I'm know that Louisiana is touchy about unpaid fines. If she leaves it unpaid and returns home there could seriously be a warrant for her arrest. We moved here a few years ago and have been quite surprised at how easily warrants get issued. We've heard several unbelievable stories that have been quite true. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 She knows they will issue a warrant if she doesn't take care of it or show up for court. Again, I have to let things take their course. This time I can't bail her out. That is why I just keep on praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I think you got her pegged. I wonder what would happen if you stuck to your tough stance and told her if she wanted to change those things then change them by getting back on meds and seeing a doctor. Agree with this assessment, however since you wrote she is not responsive to suggestions of counseling or medical evaluation, you may have to let her go in order to get her back. God knows your struggles and is capable of protecting her so no real harm will come to her but perhaps she'll have to get a little uncomfortable to realize she has a home with you. The conflicting emotions are imho nothing out of the ordinary. I went through all kinds of ups and downs when I was that age and so did my friends - albeit we never seriously considered leaving. I posted on your original thread about this thought and it crosses my mind again: Has your dh told her he loves her as if she was his own child and wants to protect her and fight for her? You mentioned something about him being a stepdad and that he was not very involved in her life - or did I misunderstand something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 I think I mentioned it earlier in the thread. She doesn't want to, even though she loves visiting there. My dh hasn't really talked to her much about this. She doesn't like him much at all (for no real reason I can see). I know she has issues with men. She texted me and asked if I'd let her use her car to go back and forth to work. I told her no. She is now going off on me and telling me how horrible I am. This is typical when she doesn't get her way. In the past these things would probably work on me, but I am NOT falling for this. I know, to some degree, this is a battle of the wills. She doesn't think I can stand up to her without caving. It's hard to do for sure. This time though, I don't think I can crack. She has GOT to be the one who makes the change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 You are doing just fine. Keep repeating your terms--they are reasonable terms. Do not negotiate, just repeat as you have been. You are doing well. I am sorry it hurts so much. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 Her dd is my dd's best friend and the person who picked her up yesterday. She is at their house (for now), and is safe. My friend wanted the story so she would know how to talk to her. Hopefully she can say some things that will help. Anyway, at least I might sleep tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 (edited) Ya Know Stacey...17 really sucks!!!! No...really...really... It is the absolute WORST time in a girls life. My 2 daughters were emotional basket cases...we fought...we cried...we hugged and fought again. They thought they were too ugly...to fat...too stupid...too whatever you can think of to go to college or have a boyfriend. Now mind you...both of these girls are absolutely beautiful, and if you don't believe me, I'll show you. They also earned straight A's in college DD #1 graduated Summa Cum Laude # 6 in an class of over 700 and was married one month after grad. DD # 2 is in her 4th semester..straight A's....is a swim coach/ teacher at a pre-school and has a great boyfriend It really was a time in their lives (at 17) that really SUCKED!!! They were trying to break out from the mold...trying to find out who they were. Trying to make thier own really bad decisions One tried dating a 29 y/o guy...Mom put a BIG NIX on that one!!! One tried to get a little too drunk...again...Mom nixed it. On and on..one took to having hysterical hissy fits. One would lock herself away in her room and im her friends all day. I was so disappointed in them. They broke my heart. I did not understand them. They did not understand me. My advice is to welcome her home. Tell her you over acted. Ask her to be your friend. Tell her you love her...over and over and over...unconditionally . She is too old to be trained. She is not a little girl, but not a grown woman yet either. her hormones are raging. her moods are all over the place...probably at the same time yours are all over the place. She needs strings tied. Take her to lunch. Take her for new clothes if she needs them. Make dates and keep them. Text her when she is at her friends and send hugs and kisses. WOO HER! You are the grown up. She is a kid who is very confused. I BEG you. Don't let her go to CA. Don't let her make rash decisions because she is pissed off and wants to hurt you so you can be in pain too. It's NOT worth what she may go through. Tell her if she wants to go to CA she can when she is finished with High School, has a driver's lisence and can financially pay for the trip and a place to stay...you will driver to the airport, buy her dinner and kiss her as she goes. She may need medical help, but I really think she needs her Mom. I am not trying to bash you. I am just coming out of that same place only to go back in a little wiser with several more kids to go through the teen turmoil. Homechooling does not innoculate children against rebellion...or us against feeling after all of our sacrifices, we desreve better than a pain in the butt know it all teen. She is well beyond training. Anything you put in her is now there and she has to make certain decisions for herself. She needs guidance and a strong Mom who never lets her see her sweat. So, you guys had a blow out...not the end of the world. Get that girl home. Tell her you are sorry you threw her out, BUT you are not hip on hissy fits...and she needs to start acting like an adult if she would like to be treated like one. Adults finance their own decisions. Adults are considerate to those they live with: if you mess you clean. Adults make mistakes...say sorry and carry on forward. Adults make decisions and know they effect everyone who loves them , so they make those decisions carefully. We can not control, but we can guide and love. I hope I did not come off harsh...I mean this all out of compassion and love. I know how disappointed and hurt our children can make us feel when we see all their potential and they are bent on tossing it out the window. It is awful and frustrating...but...handled with love and a really tough skin, this too shall pass. If you need an ear, I am here. Blessings to you and you dd. ~~Faithe After reading the other responses, I just need to put in a budinski comment. I don't know why there is so much push for meds?? Is there a reason?? has she been clinically depressed or is this just another way to manipulate a rebellious teen to get with the program?? I am not totally anti med...but it is a very last resort, not the first. Seems like counselling and meds become a crutch to make relationship happen. It doesn't. Counseling done wrong can hurt more than help...and don't even get me started on the med thing... It seems to me the parents that told you to stick to your guns and don't back down...are the parents with still small kiddoes or no teen girls. Teen girls are a whole nuther species!! 17 is the pinnacle of stupidity in them and it seems to go with my kiddoes til about 20. I am not advocating being a wishy washy Mom. I AM saying that parenting a teen is WAY different than parenting an adult child or a younger child. It is HARD! It is exhausting. It is when they push you away that you have to pull them in tighter. It is when they hide behind you that you have to put them out there and let them take chances. I really feel that meds, counseling, throwing kids out, sending them to Auntie Lou or whatever is the easy out and kids want to see you tough it out. How much does she mean to you. That girl is a minor!! If she has a ticket and needs to go to court...You TAKE her and you make her face the music. Take a trip to see a 19 yo MODEL IN CA??? Over me DEAD BODY!!! no way..not happening. Just at the age when we think these kids are ripe and ready....this is where the rubber hits the road. This is where you show your grit. She is NOT a free spirit. She is still your child. Like it or not...you need to get her to TRUST YOU again. Not easy. I know it. I've been there...lots of times now! She is still a learner...not a boss. She needs to learn and you are her teacher. Don't give up. Your daughter is worth it. Edited January 13, 2009 by Mommyfaithe budinski Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 This is an amazing post, Faithe. I don't have teenagers nor do I have daughters but I really took this to heart. 17 was the worst year in my life. Really. And I didn't realize how hard it was until just at this moment. My mom was awful to me for my independence. I tried to be all things to all people. I was terrified of college and moving away but wanting to be a grown up. Though I didn't act out as badly as the op's daughter, I still acted out. I think your advise is right on the money. I hope she listens. To Stacey, my thoughts are with you and your daughter. You'll make it through this. Dum spiro, spero. While I breathe, I hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Honestly? Though I think some of what she said is true and that she probably believes most of it, I think she's being manipulative. If she thinks she has you upset, not knowing what to do, unsure, torn, etc, then she has power. It is not a healthy power obviously, but it's what she'll accept since she can't have good power in this situation. She's lacking skills and tools to deal with her issues appropriately so she's trying to inappropriately control the situation. This isn't to dismiss that she may need counseling or medication, but that she needs the people in her life to do differently with her also. I have recently come to new understanding about all this sort of stuff myself. I now see how my son has resorted to this but even more so, how *I* did. Stacey, I can't know your total situation. I read your posts and feel your pain. I usually have no idea what to say. But this is pulling hard on me. I'd like to give you a bit more information. If you're interested, please PM. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Thanks for a great post! I really want to do exactly what you say, but here's the reason I can't. I cannot physically stop this child from leaving, short of never letting her out of her room. (and all that will do is prolong it if she becomes more angry and resentful). She has run away twice. She will find a way if she wants it. I have offered for her to come home and us to get involved in some things together. She refuses that. I KNOW she is 17. And she is my BABY! And the thought of her going to CA KILLS me. I am praying, every. single. day. I pray she will not go. However, I have GOT to call her bluff this time, or she will keep running over me like she has been the last 6-7 months (really more like a year). She makes promises and doesn't keep them. I punish her for what seems like eternity and she goes right back to doing what she was doing before. It's just horrible. As far as meds, yes, the dr put her on them last year and she quit taking them after a week. She wouldn't even try. Depression DOES run in our family, and she has plenty of the symptoms. I don't know all the right answers, but I know I'm hurt and I'm doing what I think I have to right now, and PRAYING that it works! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I'm not sure I would fight that hard to keep her from going. If it doesn't work out, she can come back. It seems like going to California is something a lot of young people do. So she's six months younger than the legal age. Is she really going to be that much more mature and better able to handle it in six months? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 But I don't really want her to go then without a plan and some money to survive. However, at this point, I really am not planning to stop her. I'm just praying she DOESN'T go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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