StaceyinLA Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 So, I tell dd she has to start following the rules or find somewhere to live (this is dd that ran away twice in the last 6 months and now she is just trying to prove to me that she can do whatever she wants with no regard for any rules). She has been just trying to pull any and everything on me at all times and it is mentally exhausting. Well, I told her today that she had a week to make up her mind. She told me a little while ago that she wants to go with a friend of hers to California. He has been living there modeling and he is here visiting (we are in Louisiana). He is the older brother of a friend of hers and is 19. She basically told me she wants my blessing, but, of course, she will NOT get that from me. However, she is 17. She can take a bus there for $170 and she has the money. I really cannot physically stop her short of putting her in a home. What in the WORLD would you do in this situation? What CAN I do? (Oh, and I've got the prayer covered!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 So, I tell dd she has to start following the rules or find somewhere to live (this is dd that ran away twice in the last 6 months and now she is just trying to prove to me that she can do whatever she wants with no regard for any rules). She has been just trying to pull any and everything on me at all times and it is mentally exhausting. Well, I told her today that she had a week to make up her mind. She told me a little while ago that she wants to go with a friend of hers to California. He has been living there modeling and he is here visiting (we are in Louisiana). He is the older brother of a friend of hers and is 19. She basically told me she wants my blessing, but, of course, she will NOT get that from me. However, she is 17. She can take a bus there for $170 and she has the money. I really cannot physically stop her short of putting her in a home. What in the WORLD would you do in this situation? What CAN I do? (Oh, and I've got the prayer covered!!) Sounds to me like she's going to make the decision to *not* follow your rules. So- she needs to find a new place to live (perhaps in California?) Tough love. Sure is hard. Good luck with your decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Well, she is 17 - not 18 and therefore, not legally an adult. What does dh say about this? My husband would have a fit! If the law doesn't back you with her being 17, then I am not sure there is much you can do. She has to sew her own seeds and it sounds like she is about to learn the hard way what life is really like. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 in some ways, a legal adult. I am not sure I can stop her. Dh is not her real dad, but he has raised her since she was 4. He says we should call her bluff. I just can't cuz I know she'll get on that bus. She's that stubborn. I have been crying for HOURS! I am so mentally drained from all this child has put me through the last 6 months. Deep down, I KNOW she is a good kid. She is just so dang stubborn and strong-willed (yeah, yeah, like me), but I didn't pull anything like this EVER on my parents. They would've killed me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catalinakel Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Good is as good does. She seems to want to enroll in the School of Hard Knocks. Just don't bankroll her education, and Trust God. What else can be done? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 ((((((Many hugs)))))) You have very few options; you can't save her no matter how much she needs it. I am praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Compassionate. There is a sweet, loving child in there. She just has a tough outer shell that I can't seem to crack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 what is the law there regards to her age? is 17 on her own? or legally do you have control until 18? I was a difficult teen. and it continued to college. I transferred schools and then dropped out one semester to drive cross country with a friend to stay with her mom. ;-) I get your daughter. but I went back across the country, got back in school(had to pay my own way now), and became a normal, productive citizen, lol. seriously, I needed to get out on my own to figure out that college was what I needed. I had asked to take a year off after high school but my parents pretty much said go to school.....so in my own rebellion I went to a school not in my town so I wouldn't have to be at home. and I paid my own way to do just that. it always had to be on my terms you know? she may feel the need to go. she may need the independence. and real life will push her to make a decision. to struggle always or get her life right and choose a career and do what she needs to pursue it(and hopefully have less struggle). I personally had to do it the hard way to figure this out. but I have friends who ended up in the struggle category...being on their own was hard but buckling down and doing college was harder in their mind and struggling was easier. I don't think you can make your daughter do what you want in this case. but talk to her. what is she wanting? a year off to travel? then let her know how you feel. you love her. you worry. and you won't finance a free trip of fun. and that she's welcome back anytime with your support if she can follow your rules. my dad did it. and it was hard. it broke my mom's heart. but *I* needed to do it on my terms/my own way to figure it out. and I consider myself lucky. I figured out I didn't want to struggle and going back would be harder than leaving was, but I had to do it. and I am glad now I did. I can't promise she will come to the same conclusions. but do you want to feel this anguish every 6 months if you force(or try to) her to stay???? perhaps ask for some respect and have a phone #/address/names of people she's going with so you can feel secure in her choices. perhaps make her understand you only love her and are concerned for her but will let her make some choices in her life. the 17 thing....I can see why you are in such anguish. :grouphug: having been that teen I know her heart.....you can try to get her to stay closer to home....do school or work.....but she may eventually go anyway. keep talking to her. find out what she needs/wants from this. keep telling her you love her. I hope you can reach her and try to delay her leaving. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 What a tough situation. Maybe just tell her, "Look, I love you. I want you to stay, but these are my rules. If you feel you want to leave, then I can't stop you. You don't have my blessing, but you do have my love. Whenever you want to come home again and live by my rules I'll be here for you. I hope that if you leave you will call home frequently, because I'll be looking forward so much to hearing about your experiences." Call her bluff, but make it really easy to come home again. And make sure you make a place for yourself in her life whatever she choses. In other words, don't say, "I won't talk to you if you leave!" and don't let it seem like if she does call you will just cry and nag her the whole time. Focus now on your relationship with her - not on controlling the circumstances of it. But if she stays, it's because she follows your rules. There's no free ride for a child that makes your life he**. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 What a tough situation. Maybe just tell her, "Look, I love you. I want you to stay, but these are my rules. If you feel you want to leave, then I can't stop you. You don't have my blessing, but you do have my love. Whenever you want to come home again and live by my rules I'll be here for you. I hope that if you leave you will call home frequently, because I'll be looking forward so much to hearing about your experiences." Call her bluff, but make it really easy to come home again. And make sure you make a place for yourself in her life whatever she choses. In other words, don't say, "I won't talk to you if you leave!" and don't let it seem like if she does call you will just cry and nag her the whole time. Focus now on your relationship with her - not on controlling the circumstances of it. But if she stays, it's because she follows your rules. There's no free ride for a child that makes your life he**. :iagree: Pray - stay firm on house rules - remain open to her returning should she leave and VERBALIZE that. I would be blunt - I would encourage her to rent own appt in town (I'd offer to pay the deposit if she waits until she's 18 and graduates HS) rather than leave with a 19 boy to go off to CA. As a momma, I can imagine ALL of your fears on that one. There is school of hard knocks and then...worse. When I left for college (and I wasn't quite as rebellious as your dd, but close) a family member gave me his business card with every number I could reach him with, and gave me a "no questions asked" promise to get me/help me anytime. Do you have a person who would do that for dd? The issue is letting her go but giving her every possible opportunity to change her mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBH Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I am praying for you. Is there someone she honors and respects (a family friend and/or a pastor) who could talk to her about some of the possible consequences of her decision? Perhaps a christian counselor? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 My sister might be able to talk sense into her, but I don't know. Her sisters may actually talk some sense into her. I did let her know that CA was a LONG way, and that when she was sick or hurt or had a flat tire or any kind of troubles, there would be no one to help her. I don't know if that had an impact or not. She's so hard to read sometimes. I did text the guy and reminded him of her age and that, with no family or other friends around, he'd basically be responsible for her. He quickly backed down and also mentioned that his girlfriend probably wouldn't like him living with another girl. Hopefully, he will discourage her from going. Of course, that may not stop her from moving out, but BR I can handle (an hour away) - CA I cannot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 (edited) Let her go and keep praying. I think at this age this is all one can do. She needs to find out what the real world demands from her. I would tell her she is too old for her parents to keep her from going. I would also calmly (as possible) voice my concerns, let her know I will always love her and the door is always open for her but she is free to go. :grouphug: Edited January 5, 2009 by Liz CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janna Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Compassionate. There is a sweet, loving child in there. She just has a tough outer shell that I can't seem to crack. Why is there a tough outer shell? Has something happened to her that she hasn't gotten over? Even if it's insignificant to you, was there something significant to her that was taken away or something else? My concern is that shell. Because whatever is making it hard, is her driving force for her current decisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Stacey, if she has already run away twice (?), she'll just get on the bus anyway, if you permit it or not. I wrote some more farther down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 What a tough situation. Maybe just tell her, "Look, I love you. I want you to stay, but these are my rules. If you feel you want to leave, then I can't stop you. You don't have my blessing, but you do have my love. Whenever you want to come home again and live by my rules I'll be here for you. I hope that if you leave you will call home frequently, because I'll be looking forward so much to hearing about your experiences." Call her bluff, but make it really easy to come home again. And make sure you make a place for yourself in her life whatever she choses. In other words, don't say, "I won't talk to you if you leave!" and don't let it seem like if she does call you will just cry and nag her the whole time. Focus now on your relationship with her - not on controlling the circumstances of it. But if she stays, it's because she follows your rules. There's no free ride for a child that makes your life he**. :iagree: with Jennifer. I was a difficult teen and went and lived with an older man when I was 16. I think the worst thing my mother did was give me an ultimatum- I took her bluff and left. It took years for our relationship to recover- from my side, because I felt so betrayed by her rejection of me and her siding with her new alcoholic husband. From her side, because she blamed me and wouldn't look at herself. Keep your heart open. keep the communication open. One thing I try and remember is if I am angry, upset, loaded, at all- that is something I can change, in myself - but I cannot change another person. In the end- I was ok, and so will your daughter be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 I think she has experienced great loss from not having a REAL father figure. Her dad has never been in her life and dh has been a wonderful provider, but has never really taken a "dad" role. We went through a bunch of counseling last spring, but she never would really open up at all. She won't talk to anyone alone, and she won't open up when we're together either. She told me she just has to deal with things her own way. I really don't know what to do for this kid. I am at a total loss. I think she needs some kind of help but I don't know what kind, and she is so closed-minded about it that it doesn't really help. I could put her in a home or something where she'd get intense counseling, but I don't know what reason I could give, and then, if she got out and was angry, it could get worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I was a difficult teen. and it continued to college. I transferred schools and then dropped out one semester to drive cross country with a friend to stay with her mom. ;-) I get your daughter. I don't know that I was "difficult" although I left home at 16 and dropped out of school at 17, because my parents didn't seem the least bit flapped (there is something to be said for having many older sibs: mellower parents), and I wasn't a thief or a bum or full of anger. If they had countered me and made a stink, it probably would have been an angry split, but they were stoical about it and I just went off to make my way in the world. I would say that by 19 I was very fond of them. I worked restaurant jobs, usually 50 hours a week and spent a lot of time at the library (I recall reading every biography I could find....because I was trying to figure out how to be a grown up, and I wanted to see how other people had done it). I didn't live off anyone, although $2000 from my GM's estate was my emergency money and I spent it over about 3 years. By then I wasn't a dishwasher any more, but a cook, with a little better wage. That said, I never did run of to CA. The cost of living was too high for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 What if she were 18 already? or 19? What would you think? do? say? I'm surprised she hasn't learned much from her other 2 times of running away. What does she want? Independence? Does she have a job? Does she want her own place to live? What if you helped her get those things near you? I'd rather cosign a short term lease on an apartment than have my daughter go to another state alone. If she doesn't want to work or have any responsibilities, then that is a different story. Would you accept that same behavior from her if she was older? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
at the beach Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 So, I tell dd she has to start following the rules or find somewhere to live (this is dd that ran away twice in the last 6 months and now she is just trying to prove to me that she can do whatever she wants with no regard for any rules). She has been just trying to pull any and everything on me at all times and it is mentally exhausting. Well, I told her today that she had a week to make up her mind. She told me a little while ago that she wants to go with a friend of hers to California. He has been living there modeling and he is here visiting (we are in Louisiana). He is the older brother of a friend of hers and is 19. She basically told me she wants my blessing, but, of course, she will NOT get that from me. However, she is 17. She can take a bus there for $170 and she has the money. I really cannot physically stop her short of putting her in a home. What in the WORLD would you do in this situation? What CAN I do? (Oh, and I've got the prayer covered!!) Modeling? What kind of modeling? Is that paying his bills? I'd be asking her a whole lot and asking her to get details from him on the specifics of this. Is she wanting to model, too? Does she have any job skills? I guess if this were my kid, I would tell her that I would be totally on board with her doing this IF I knew that she was going with a plan of action and a way to make a living and clear goals of what she wanted to do with her life. I would ask her why she needs to go TODAY as opposed to next month or next year? I would tell her that if she goes I would want her to succeed at whatever it is that she wants to accomplish for herself, and the best way to do this is to plan and prepare and not fly off the handle at the slightest provocation and do things without thinking them through. I'd try to get on board with helping her figure out the best way for her to do this so that she will be safe and able to support herself. I would be incredibly worried obviously, but I am not sure you can hold her here if she really wants to leave but I would tell her that as her parent you have an obligation with regard to her and that she is your responsibility until she is 18 and that you cannot give your blessing until at least that point. Anita Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Is it statutory rape if this guy and her get together? I wouldn't even go there, but I mention it because it's a reality. Are you legally responsible for her, even at 17? It's 18, here, before children are adults. Oh honey, it's so hard, isn't it. You have my full sympathy. You've had some excellent suggestions. I'd get details if you can, on this modeling guy. Doesn't sound safe--but I don't know if you can convince her to stay. Praying for you--I know, it doesn't seem like a lot, but I believe it can help, and I know you do, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Just a thought. Start with the end in mind. What kind of relationship do you ultimately want to have with your dd? What can you do to create that? What exactly are you crying about? Is it because of the torn relationship, her choices, lack of control? What will give you the space to step back from all of that, take a deep breath and rest? If you are rested and at peace it is likely that she will stop being so reactive. If you continue in the same dance that you've had (her being unresponsive and hard, your crying and feeling loss/grief/ helpless/lack of control) you will most likely continue to have a breach. Time to change things up, change the status quo. It's not your job to reach this woman/child. It is your job to love her well. It's her choice to accept or not the love offered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Prayers here. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I have been in your shoes; in fact, I'm still in your shoes. I am so, so sorry. I've spent more nights on the couch in tears than I can count. My dd did move out but not clear across the country, thankfully. I did everything I could to keep it amicable without backing down on my rules. She's involved in a destructive relationship, she's messing up in every way possible, and I can't stop her. I tried. Everything short of keeping her a prisoner in her room which obviously won't work. So I cry, pray, and pray some more, keep talking, and will be here to help her pick up the pieces. Every time I talk to her I always say "I love you". My dd has also created a hard outer shell - hiding the compassionate person inside. She went through some serious betrayal a couple years ago - not by family - but by two people that were as close as family. She spent a half a year in counseling, and she now says it was a waste of money. She isn't even willing to discuss more counseling at this point. Letting her go was the hardest thing I've done. And then watching her mess up is even harder. You'll be in my prayers. Janet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Why tell a child she has to either obey rules or find another place to live if you are going to freak out when she finds another place to live? If you aren't comfortable with her venturing out to find that other place, don't say it in the first place. And why on earth give a child a week to "make up her mind" whether she's going to follow your rules? I have a 21 year old and he gets about 3 seconds to decide if he's going to follow my rules or suffer the consequence when he's home. It was no different at 15 or 17. The actual consequence might be different (on the street at 21, versus finding himself with no car and no transportation at 17). Look, she's 17. You can't control her. She knows this, you know this. On the other hand, there are things you CAN control. If she's 17, she's driving with your permission and she's probably on your insurance, right? She'd be off yesterday in my house. There is no way I am going to insure a driver who doesn't follow my rules. Did you call the police last time she ran away? I would have, and I would let the judge know that I can't control her and am at a loss. I'd call the DMV and ask about how to withdraw permission to drive. You can't control what she does, but you can control your reaction. I would withdraw every tiny bit of financial support I give her until she straightens out, but I would recognize that this probably won't bring her to her knees, and that's okay. I would let her know that I love her and will always always welcome her under the condition that she follow household rules including civility. Love may be unconditional, but living in my home and receiving financial support is very conditional! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I haven't crossed this road, but if my 16 yr old were to find herself thinking this way, I would cry just as you are doing. I would tell her that I love her so much, don't want to see her hurt and that I don't want her to do such a thing. I woudl tell her I want her home and that together we would work it out. (Which is something you havetried to do from the sounds of it with counseling etc). I don't think I would call her bluff. I would have to be real and tell her how frightend I am for her, even though I understand she is looking for adventure and something more than what she currently has. I do not know what you are going through, so I realize this sounds trite and niave. But I would have to be honest, and calling her bluff would not be honest. I wish you all good things. This is one of my nightmares. Little children little problems, big children, big, dangerous problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BabyBre Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I didn't pull anything like this EVER on my parents. They would've killed me. Call her bluff, but make it really easy to come home again. And make sure you make a place for yourself in her life whatever she choses. In other words, don't say, "I won't talk to you if you leave!" and don't let it seem like if she does call you will just cry and nag her the whole time. Focus now on your relationship with her - not on controlling the circumstances of it. I did do this to my parents in terrible, malicious ways, until they finally decided to administer some Tough Love. I kept pulling away and pulling away until I finally broke and realized that I had it pretty good at home with kind people who did indeed love me, and not to mention free room and board. I hope that once she gets out there and realizes what she's given up (and the supermodel boyfriend breaks her heart), she'll see home differently. So do be sure to make her certain of your love for her on your parting. She should know that she doesn't have your blessing, but you will be praying and thinking of her every minute of every day until she comes home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Is it statutory rape if this guy and her get together? I wouldn't even go there, but I mention it because it's a reality. Are you legally responsible for her, even at 17? It's 18, here, before children are adults. It's not statutory rape; the age of consent varies, but is no older than 16 in any state. There are additional factors that also vary - - mostly, the consenting parties are required to be fairly close in age. She's 17 and he's only 19, so that's not an issue here. In Louisiana, 17 yr olds cannot legally move out of the house without parental consent. However, it is a rare police department that is going to chase after someone of this age even if they are in town. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 I think things settled a little last night. She has now decided that she will finish getting her GED and go there to beauty school instead of here. I know this has bought me some time because she will have a little catching up to do to get that GED. I think by then, the guy will have gotten past talking to her about it. Secondly, the guy is not a boyfriend. He is a good friend of hers' older brother. I don't believe he has any interest in her whatsoever. He just told her he'd give her a place to stay. And yes, he is modeling and paying bills - I think he's done a Calvin Klein ad or something. That part is legit. I did give her an ultimatum and I should be willing to accept the consequences. I just thought she would go back to live with my brother's kids at their apartment an hour away. I should've known she'd come up with something better! Right now she DOES have a job. I am not sure what to do about the car and stuff because of the job. If I take the car totally, I have to bring her and pick her up twice/day. I have a p/t job and we aren't exactly 2 minutes from her work (we're in the boonies). The logistics just aren't playing out in my head. I am at a total loss of where to go from here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 We have a unruly, rebellious older son. One thing that helped me was to remember that the father of the prodigal son let him go. He and the boy had probably had 'talks' about the rules of the house and expectations. The boy just didn't want to live that way. The father in his wisdom let him go...mostly, because he couldn't *really* stop him. I imagine the father wept some bitter, fearful tears as the boy disappeared over the horizon. I see from your additional post that your dd is taking some time. That's good. I sincerely hope that it works out in a better way for both of you. Find peace for yourself. As another poster said, you will react better and more wisely if you are settled and at peace yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 What a tough situation. Maybe just tell her, "Look, I love you. I want you to stay, but these are my rules. If you feel you want to leave, then I can't stop you. You don't have my blessing, but you do have my love. Whenever you want to come home again and live by my rules I'll be here for you. I hope that if you leave you will call home frequently, because I'll be looking forward so much to hearing about your experiences." Call her bluff, but make it really easy to come home again. And make sure you make a place for yourself in her life whatever she choses. In other words, don't say, "I won't talk to you if you leave!" and don't let it seem like if she does call you will just cry and nag her the whole time. Focus now on your relationship with her - not on controlling the circumstances of it. But if she stays, it's because she follows your rules. There's no free ride for a child that makes your life he**. I could not have said it better myself. :grouphug: to you and your family. My husband and I were much like your daughter, but we did find our way and now 11 years later we are enjoying homeschooling our children and happily turning 30. Don't stop communicating though, because that makes it very hard to restart a relationship with her later, ask me how I know... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I think she has experienced great loss from not having a REAL father figure. Her dad has never been in her life and dh has been a wonderful provider, but has never really taken a "dad" role. We went through a bunch of counseling last spring, but she never would really open up at all. She won't talk to anyone alone, and she won't open up when we're together either. She told me she just has to deal with things her own way. Stacey, your situation was on my mind this morning and something you mentioned above made me wonder about the Dad/Step Dad thing: Is she perhaps trying to get his attention - even by negative behavior? You wrote he's been her dad but has not been very active. Instead of letting her go as I previously suggested, do you think he needs to talk to her one on one? I mean, really express that she is his daughter as much as any other children and that he loves her, will protect her and will not let her go until she is eighteen and cannot be prevented from leaving. Does she need to hear that this man will fight for her, protect her and always be there for her? Just a thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanieMac Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 It sounds a little like she has so much invested in proving you wrong & her right (in everything in general) that she now cannot back down. If she suddenly decided to go, it would be like saying you are right, she will have to follow your rules. Can you go to her and ask a favor? That way she is allowed to stay, not because you are right but because she is being a better person. Say, please do me a favor and stay until you are 18. Then, if you still want to go, you can go with my blessing, blah blah blah. Of course the rules would still apply, but she would be following them because you asked her to in a "pretty please" sort of way, not because the rules are "right". It is almost impossible for some teens to admit that a parent might actually be right... That might at least buy you a little time to get the relationship back on track. oh yeah, if she does leave, be sure to tell her that it doesn't matter what the time or the circumstances, all she has to do is call and you will get her home- no lectures, no "I told you so"s. I am praying for you both... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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