Your experience

[Scarlett]

What is the most strict parent you have knowledge of? 

[Melissa in Australia]

I have met several families who followed the Pearls completely

[Katy]

A friend from college.  The second her parents left she ripped down the Christian posters, apologized to the whole floor and swore she was cool and not like her parents and then went on a tear.  She ate trash, she slept with every man that appealed to her, she tried every drug. She'd never been allowed any freedom or lack of supervision and she rebounded to at least 8 months of trying everything before she calmed down. She discussed wishing she could be gay because she came to hate men.  I think she transferred to UC Berkeley.  I'm not in touch with her any more.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Katy said:

A friend from college.  The second her parents left she ripped down the Christian posters, apologized to the whole floor and swore she was cool and not like her parents and then went on a tear.  She ate trash, she slept with every man that appealed to her, she tried every drug. She'd never been allowed any freedom or lack of supervision and she rebounded to at least 8 months of trying everything before she calmed down. She discussed wishing she could be gay because she came to hate men.  I think she transferred to UC Berkeley.  I'm not in touch with her any more.

To me this is not proof of a strict parent…. Rather proof of a child’s reaction to….?

[Scarlett]

4 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I have met several families who followed the Pearls completely

Interesting. I know of no one IRL who knows who the Pearls are. 

[Katy]

Just now, Scarlett said:

To me this is not proof of a strict parent…. Rather proof of a child’s reaction to….?

She flat out said it was a reaction to her strict parents, yes. She was given no freedom or privacy before she left.  Every second was scheduled and supervised. I don't think she ever made moral choices for herself because her mom was ALWAYS there.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Katy said:

She flat out said it was a reaction to her strict parents, yes. She was given no freedom or privacy before she left.  Every second was scheduled and supervised. I don't think she ever made moral choices for herself because her mom was ALWAYS there.

Oh I see. Yes. This is the stuff I am seeing in a current situation. So bizarre I can barely wrap my mind around it. 

[Katy]

Does the mom have a traumatic history?  She assumes the abuse she went through won't happen to her kids if she protects and controls them more rather than preparing them to be adults?

[Scarlett]

A senior girl in high school

Not allowed to have a phone, a drivers license, a social security card, a job ( although she has been allowed to house sit for us several times). 
 

Not allowed to speak to a young man the parents fear ? she likes. Not allowed to any social events where this young man will be. 
 

Completely locked down. 
 

As you can imagine this doesn’t end well. 

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Katy said:

Does the mom have a traumatic history?  She assumes the abuse she went through won't happen to her kids if she protects and controls them more rather than preparing them to be adults?

I suspect this is a lot of it. Lots of projection. Her daughter is not her though. 

[Katy]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

I suspect this is a lot of it. Lots of projection. Her daughter is not her though. 

No. Honestly because of life events and personality similarities I had pretty extreme freedom compared to my siblings or friends. One of my siblings was very similar to my mom so my mom was a lot more controlling with her. As a result I made pretty responsible decisions and this controlled sibling rebelled quite a bit. I always thought it was really unfair.

[Scarlett]

Just now, Katy said:

No. Honestly because of life events and personality similarities I had pretty extreme freedom compared to my siblings or friends. One of my siblings was very similar to my mom so my mom was a lot more controlling with her. As a result I made pretty responsible decisions and this controlled sibling rebelled quite a bit. I always thought it was really unfair.

It is so so weird. This girl is so amazing. And the mom acts like she is going to run off and go crazy. She is completely alienating her daughter… for no good reason. 
 

I said tonight, I have literally never known such a strict parent. 

[SKL]

People I know personally?  Hmmm...

Well according to my mom, her mother was strict ... she had to be home from school at X:XX and was whipped with an electrical cord, 5 swats for every 1 minute late.  She was needed home in order to clean house.  Her mom used to brag that when she was 1yo, she started fussing about having to walk home from the grocery store, so she was beaten soundly enough that she never fussed again.  Her dad didn't like her laughing at the table, so he punched her face, knocking her tooth out.

In my lifetime, my folks' friends with kids my age used to beat them for everything.  One time they got a Spirograph for Christmas and accidentally broke a piece while trying to get it out of the box.  Beating!  The daughter was treated even more strictly because she had the biological ability to get pregnant.  She got beaten severely for exchanging notes with boys at school.  Her dad took her to the doctor and demanded an examination to confirm whether or not she was a virgin.  Spoiler:  she ended up having 6 kids out of wedlock and doing jail time for who knows what.

Parents of kids in my kids' circle:  probably the family from church that would not allow their kid to do most things the other kids were doing.  They never let her hang with my kids outside of school.  They were against kids having cell phones; the topic came up when their kid was 14 and they indicated that they didn't see letting her have a phone before she was an adult.  My kids were always a bit scared of that mom.  😛

Oh wait, my kids have a schoolmate whose parents may be even more strict.  She's 15 and still not allowed to go anywhere with friends.  Her parents have a nanny cam in her bedroom to make sure she doesn't sneak out.  (I guess this is because she got caught visiting with a neighborhood boy in the past.)  This family is Asian, which is probably a factor.

[Scarlett]

4 minutes ago, SKL said:

People I know personally?  Hmmm...

Well according to my mom, her mother was strict ... she had to be home from school at X:XX and was whipped with an electrical cord, 5 swats for every 1 minute late.  She was needed home in order to clean house.  Her mom used to brag that when she was 1yo, she started fussing about having to walk home from the grocery store, so she was beaten soundly enough that she never fussed again.  Her dad didn't like her laughing at the table, so he punched her face, knocking her tooth out.

In my lifetime, my folks' friends with kids my age used to beat them for everything.  One time they got a Spirograph for Christmas and accidentally broke a piece while trying to get it out of the box.  Beating!  The daughter was treated even more strictly because she had the biological ability to get pregnant.  She got beaten severely for exchanging notes with boys at school.  Her dad took her to the doctor and demanded an examination to confirm whether or not she was a virgin.  Spoiler:  she ended up having 6 kids out of wedlock and doing jail time for who knows what.

Parents of kids in my kids' circle:  probably the family from church that would not allow their kid to do most things the other kids were doing.  They never let her hang with my kids outside of school.  They were against kids having cell phones; the topic came up when their kid was 14 and they indicated that they didn't see letting her have a phone before she was an adult.  My kids were always a bit scared of that mom.  😛

Oh wait, my kids have a schoolmate whose parents may be even more strict.  She's 15 and still not allowed to go anywhere with friends.  Her parents have a nanny cam in her bedroom to make sure she doesn't sneak out.  (I guess this is because she got caught visiting with a neighborhood boy in the past.)  This family is Asian, which is probably a factor.

Ok that is some horrifying stuff….:(

[thatfirstsip]

50 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I have met several families who followed the Pearls completely

Does reporting them to the government not result in state intervention?

[Melissa in Australia]

32 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

A senior girl in high school

Not allowed to have a phone, a drivers license, a social security card, a job ( although she has been allowed to house sit for us several times). 
 

Not allowed to speak to a young man the parents fear ? she likes. Not allowed to any social events where this young man will be. 
 

Completely locked down. 
 

As you can imagine this doesn’t end well. 

Oh , I grew up a bit like that.

Part of it was being brought up as a Jehovah's witnesses. No social events at all. Not allowed to wear anything like Mickey mouse socks (that was in a speech at the kingdom hall) . No going to university. No sitting next to boys, no dating. Fully chaperoned even when engaged. No making friends with anyone out of the religion.

Other things were frowned apon but some did, like taking music lessons or playing sport.

Edited December 29, 2023 by Melissa in Australia

[Melissa in Australia]

10 minutes ago, thatfirstsip said:

Does reporting them to the government not result in state intervention?

All those kids are same age as my older kids, so adults now.

 

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

Oh , I grew up a bit like that.

Part of it was being brought up as a Jehovah's witnesses. No social events at all. Not allowed to wear anything like Mickey mouse socks (that was in a speech at the kingdom hall) . No going to university. No sitting next to boys, no dating. Fully chaperoned even when engaged. No making friends with anyone out of the religion.

Other things were frowned apon but some did, like taking music lessons or playing sport.

Very interesting since I was also raised JW  and that was not my experience at all ( I am 58). Some things may have been stricter 40 years ago but this is nothing like I have ever  seen.  

[WildflowerMom]

I must live in a bubble.  Or maybe I’ve just mostly been around normal people, lol.   The most strict was an aunt who went through my cousin’s backpack in high school to read letters she wrote between friends.    Yep, that’s about all I got. 🤷🏻‍♀️   I guess it’s a good thing because I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve and I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut or my RBF turned off.  

[Melissa in Australia]

2 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said:

I must live in a bubble.  Or maybe I’ve just mostly been around normal people, lol.   The most strict was an aunt who went through my cousin’s backpack in high school to read letters she wrote between friends.    Yep, that’s about all I got. 🤷🏻‍♀️   I guess it’s a good thing because I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve and I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut or my RBF turned off.  

Thing is , when you are brought up like that it is normal, and if the  you are in a whole congregation of fellow believes then anyone not doing similar are obviously evil (to the person)

 

[Heartstrings]

38 minutes ago, SKL said:

l according to my mom, her mother was strict ... she had to be home from school at X:XX and was whipped with an electrical cord, 5 swats for every 1 minute late.  She was needed home in order to clean house.  Her mom used to brag that when she was 1yo, she started fussing about having to walk home from the grocery store, so she was beaten soundly enough that she never fussed again.  Her dad didn't like her laughing at the table, so he punched her face, knocking her tooth out.

That isn’t strict parenting.  That’s child abuse, full stop.  

[Scarlett]

The thing is I feel like I was raised in a very conservative environment .  My mother was a strange case of having been raised in unhealthy strict family so she had gone off the rails, and by the time she was raising me she was attempting to be more balanced.   
 

[LaughingCat]

My mom was known as very strict-  for example when she said I could get my ears pierced at 18 my bff’s parents also relented and let her get her ears pierced, saying specifically that if my mom was letting me do it then they knew it must be ok - however she was not all that strict in my adult opinion, looking back ( she had an extremely strict upbringing and was trying to be less strict- and I wasn’t socially adept enough to understand when things were negotiable)

(the earring thing is weird to me now but a big deal when I was in high school in the 70’s)

[City Mouse]

2 hours ago, Scarlett said:

A senior girl in high school

Not allowed to have a phone, a drivers license, a social security card, a job ( although she has been allowed to house sit for us several times). 
 

Not allowed to speak to a young man the parents fear ? she likes. Not allowed to any social events where this young man will be. 
 

Completely locked down. 
 

As you can imagine this doesn’t end well. 

That sounds like a book I read once where the teen girl finds out she was kidnapped at birth. She wasn’t allowed to get a driver’s license because the person who raised her didn’t have a birth certificate for the girl. I don’t remember in the story if the girl had a phone, but she wasn’t allowed to get a real job or go to college because the “mother” who had kidnapped her was afraid of getting caught. That was a fictional story though. In real life that sounds like an abusive situation.

Edited December 29, 2023 by City Mouse

[Laura Corin]

Strict in a different way  - I  know someone who is a fully trained professional nutritionist with a PhD in primate eating patterns. Her child  - who has no allergies - is not allowed birthday cake or most other party food. Ever. He can eat at other people's houses but only an approved menu.

[Ausmumof3]

A friend whose father insisted on reading a passage from a hefty theological text while she was trying to get her hair done for her wedding day.

Although strict is not the right word. My parents were strict but consistent and loving. He was more authoritarian insisting that his whims were obeyed even though they varied wildly from day to day. 

[Ausmumof3]

I also knew a girl whose house I hated visiting. They had three different colour/length sticks on the wall to be used depending how severe the misdemeanour. Turns out all along Dad was having an affair and living the good life when he wasn’t home with his family. 

[Melissa in Australia]

I grew up with a leather belt hanging on the wall of the kitchen.

But that wasn't viewed as strict. Most parents smacked their kids then. It was completely socially normal.the teacher at school had a cane hanging beside the blackboard and used it daily. And real naught children were sent to the headmaster to get "the cuts" or hit with a leather belt.

[Ausmumof3]

3 hours ago, Katy said:

A friend from college.  The second her parents left she ripped down the Christian posters, apologized to the whole floor and swore she was cool and not like her parents and then went on a tear.  She ate trash, she slept with every man that appealed to her, she tried every drug. She'd never been allowed any freedom or lack of supervision and she rebounded to at least 8 months of trying everything before she calmed down. She discussed wishing she could be gay because she came to hate men.  I think she transferred to UC Berkeley.  I'm not in touch with her any more.

The kids I know who reacted like that eventually acknowledged they had been sexually abused.  

[Ausmumof3]

12 minutes ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I grew up with a leather belt hanging on the wall of the kitchen.

But that wasn't viewed as strict. Most parents smacked their kids then. It was completely socially normal.the teacher at school had a cane hanging beside the blackboard and used it daily. And real naught children were sent to the headmaster to get "the cuts" or hit with a leather belt.

My family is interesting like that because my siblings grew up in the cane at school generation but I was a late in life baby and it had been banned by my time.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

My mom’s best friend as an adult was the strictest parent I ever knew. They had a rough time getting pregnant, only had one child, and sheltered her beyond all reason.  It wasn’t just no sleepovers even though that alone was radically weird in the 80s and 90s. No play dates at other people’s houses unless her mom was there the whole time.  No birthday parties unless one of her parents was present. They didn’t even like Sunday school and pushed the church to do family style SS.  She was homeschooled and they didn’t participate in anything, though there wasn’t much back in the day.  Much of it was related to mom’s untreated anxiety.

Her adult years have been a mess.  It has been very sad to watch.

[Ginevra]

I don’t know - I make a distinction between “strict” and “abusive”. I think it’s strict to have a 9:00 curfew in high school. I think it’s abusive to be physically or emotionally punished for arriving home at 9:07. Or even 9:30. Nobody at any age or for any reason should be flogged with an electrical cord. That’s despicable. 
 

I think it’s hard to really know. For how many people do you really have a lot of knowledge of their parenting style? Beyond my siblings and in-laws, there aren’t many families where I witnessed a lot of their standards in action. In co-op, of course there were parents who were really “on top” of what their kids did and there were other parents who didn’t seem to enforce any discipline or standards at all, but even then, how much does an outsider really know? 

[Elizabeth86]

 

7 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said:

I have met several families who followed the Pearls completely

Yikes. There is a lady in my homeschool group that has given me one of their magazines and shared a link to a video on their YouTube channel. It’s wild because she doesn’t come off this way at all, but I imagine she is. 

[Heartstrings]

I’ll never understand the glee with which some in the previous generation took at getting to hit children.   I understand the idea of spanking as discipline and considering it necessary. But to hang belts and rods and sticks.  To make home decor out if instruments of violence? I remember my dad crafting a board to smack us with, taking time to cut, sand, and finish it.

  Say what you will about today’s parenting, but it has to be better than adults looking forward to getting to hit children with impunity that was so wide spread in previous parenting.  Seriously. It’s hard to see because it was so normalized, but it’s a truly disgusting way to enter into parenting.  

[Elizabeth86]

6 hours ago, WildflowerMom said:

I must live in a bubble.  Or maybe I’ve just mostly been around normal people, lol.   The most strict was an aunt who went through my cousin’s backpack in high school to read letters she wrote between friends.    Yep, that’s about all I got. 🤷🏻‍♀️   I guess it’s a good thing because I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve and I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut or my RBF turned off.  

Same. I think I’m just kind of naive honestly. My bff’s dad was fairly strict and pretty much kept he under his control until adulthood. He pretty much  chose her career path. He didn’t let her date. He was fairly controlling. She did have friends, sleepovers, he was not concerned about tv/music and that stuff that my mom was a little more worried about. She was his only and her mother wasn’t much of one. He was the main caretaker. He wasn’t overly a bad guy, Inthink it all came out of love, but it wasn’t always fun for her.

[Bambam]

One mom who one of mine dated her son.  Son, 17 yo, pretty responsible, had been working 2-3 jobs for many years (mowing lawns/yard work/etc before he was 16), got good grades in DC classes, helped out at home. Had to be home from dates by 9 at the latest. 9 PM. Also was not allowed to leave the town we live in.  Rules seems controlling and bizarre and arbitrary at the same time. 

 

[math teacher]

2 hours ago, Heartstrings said:

I’ll never understand the glee with which some in the previous generation took at getting to hit children.   I understand the idea of spanking as discipline and considering it necessary. But to hang belts and rods and sticks.  To make home decor out if instruments of violence? I remember my dad crafting a board to smack us with, taking time to cut, sand, and finish it.

  Say what you will about today’s parenting, but it has to be better than adults looking forward to getting to hit children with impunity that was so wide spread in previous parenting.  Seriously. It’s hard to see because it was so normalized, but it’s a truly disgusting way to enter into parenting.  

My sister tells me that she caught our mother smiling when she was beating her.

[Scarlett]

7 hours ago, City Mouse said:

That sounds like a book I read once where the teen girl finds out she was kidnapped at birth. She wasn’t allowed to get a driver’s license because the person who raised her didn’t have a birth certificate for the girl. I don’t remember in the story if the girl had a phone, but she wasn’t allowed to get a real job or go to college because the “mother” who had kidnapped her was afraid of getting caught. That was a fictional story though. In real life that sounds like an abusive situation.

Interesting because this mom had this girl out of wedlock before she became religious. She has made comments about how much trouble girls can get in.  She married when this girl was 2 and current husband adopted her many years ago.  It took the mom FIVE years to get the amended bc and she never has gotten the social security card.  Now that the girl has turned 18 there will be more hoops to jump through than if the mom had just done it prior to 18.  But at the least the 18 year can do it herself now.  She turned 18 last Sat.  She had already confided to me and several other adults she was getting out as soon as she turned 18.  She had a plan to live in a camper of one of my good friends, but she had to get a job to pay some of her expenses and that required a ss card so it was going to take a bit to execute.

Then suddenly she was offered (by another friend of mine)  room and board plus pay to help with caring for my friend’s elderly mother who has mild dementia.  She will have 2 days a week off when another daughter takes her to her home.  These are people in our congregation so she is already friends with them.  She will be allowed to have friends over etc.  she doesn’t have to be with the elderly lady 24/7, she can stay alone some but she needs someone with her at night and to cook for her and make sure she takes her meds.  
 

It is literally a dream situation for this girl.  Such a soft landing to launch to considering. 

But her mom is big mad.  it is really sad to me the mom can’t see what a good girl she has and how she is destroying her relationship with her.  

[Pam in CT]

I'm a bit stuck on definitions here, or possibly a conflation between "strict" and "extreme corporeal punishment as consequence."

As a child I was very rarely spanked, and only until I was maybe 7 or 8; and we didn't hit our own kids ever. But I grew up with a fair amount of rules (more than my peers) -- and my own kids also had a fair amount of rules (more than their peers).  The rules just weren't enforced by force, or the threat of force. And I know a couple of families whose rules were what I would call "stricter" that we were--

7 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

Strict in a different way  - I  know someone who is a fully trained professional nutritionist with a PhD in primate eating patterns. Her child  - who has no allergies - is not allowed birthday cake or most other party food. Ever. He can eat at other people's houses but only an approved menu.

-- this sort of strict, or required expectations on grades / musical instrument practice / sports performance sort of strict.  ETA limiting social contact, insisting on parents being present at birthday parties long after that is developmentally appropriate, etc.  Sometimes to my mind alarmingly high level of expectation and/or control.

But not enforced with belts. 

Does that count as "strict," or is that something else? 

Edited December 29, 2023 by Pam in CT

[City Mouse]

The no SS card seems very suspect to me. Doesn’t the kid have to have a SS number to be claimed on the parents income taxes. If she has a number and the patent won’t give the card, it isn’t that hard to get a replacement card.

Edited December 29, 2023 by City Mouse

[Heartstrings]

22 minutes ago, Pam in CT said:

But not enforced with belts. 

Does that count as "strict," or is that something else? 

I think strict means lots of rules and lots of consequences or potential consequences. The rules could be enforced with occasional corporal punishment, or any other means. Pulling weeds or gathering rocks, time out or manipulation tactics, even just gentle admonishing.  
 

I think you can beat your children while having no rules or be very strict and never lay a hand.  The 2 are somewhat connected in that strict parents often tend to use corporal punishments, but corporal punishments aren’t required to be considered strict.  
 

There is a line between occasional corporal punishment as a means of discipline and abuse.  I don’t spank my children as a rule but I try not to judge it in general when looking backwards, because it was accepted then. An open hand swat once or twice a year is just very different than whipping with electrical cords, even going back a generation or three.  Once you cross into abusing your children I don’t think we’re talking about strict parenting anymore, we’re talking about an abusive home.  

Edited December 29, 2023 by Heartstrings

[Heartstrings]

27 minutes ago, math teacher said:

My sister tells me that she caught our mother smiling when she was beating her.

Exactly.   I remember adults sitting around talking about how they hit their kids, with what tool, how many “licks”drilling holes into paddles so they fly faster, removing under wear so it hurts *more*, discussing the pain level from different methods, bragging about times they had done it.   So many of them moved well passed spanking as a disciplinary method and onto genuine glee at inflicting as much pain as possible.   Strategizing how to hurt small children the most just crosses a line and spoils the parent child relationship, I think it probably damages and darkens the soul of the parent as well.  It has to erode some of your humanity.  

Edited December 29, 2023 by Heartstrings

[Scarlett]

19 minutes ago, City Mouse said:

The no SS card seems very suspect to me. Doesn’t the kid have to have a SS number to be claimed on the parents income taxes. If she has a number and the patent won’t give the card, it isn’t that hard to get a replacement card.

Hmm…I never thought of that. I bet she is using the old ss  umber for taxes. 

[Heartstrings]

Just now, Scarlett said:

Hmm…I never thought of that. I bet she is using the old ss  umber for taxes. 

You don’t get a new SS# when your adopted, just a name change on the same number.  It’s just like women getting married, you keep the same number.  My son was step-parent adopted at 5 and kept his number.  It’s a whole other difficult process to get a new number. 

[Scarlett]

Just now, Heartstrings said:

You don’t get a new SS# when your adopted, just a name change on the same number.  It’s just like women getting married, you keep the same number.  My son was step-parent adopted at 5 and kept his number.  It’s a whole other difficult process to get a new number. 

Oh I see.  So no problem with taxes.  
 

[Heartstrings]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

Oh I see.  So no problem with taxes.  
 

Much easier for the girl too!  It’s easier to get a copy of the card than to apply for a brand new number at 18.   

[Scarlett]

Just now, Heartstrings said:

Much easier for the girl too!  It’s easier to get a copy of the card than to apply for a brand new number at 18.   

Good.  Well that makes sense.  I heard the girl will have to get a state photo ID before she can get a ss card in her new name.  But all of that can be done fairly easily.  There are many people who have offered to help her.  Our congregation is really stepping up to help this girl.  I gave her a phone this week.  Her grandmother will add her to her phone plan.  All in all I think she will be fine.  

[Katy]

1 hour ago, City Mouse said:

The no SS card seems very suspect to me. Doesn’t the kid have to have a SS number to be claimed on the parents income taxes. If she has a number and the patent won’t give the card, it isn’t that hard to get a replacement card.

When a kid is adopted you take the paperwork and new birth certificate to the social security office and the social security card is reissued with the new names. If she was lazy about getting the new birth certificate she probably never bothered going to multiple offices to get the new card. 

[Catwoman]

Am I the only one who didn't know any kids whose parents regularly spanked them? And I'm talking about a quick swat on the butt, not the kinds of beatings being described in this thread. I grew up in the 60s and 70s, so I'm older than many of the people posting in this thread, so it's not like I'm too young to remember when beating kids with cords, belts, and paddles was an acceptable thing. It wasn't acceptable. It just wasn't. 

My parents never spanked us, my grandparents (who were born in the 1880s) didn't believe in spanking, and the families we knew would have been appalled at much of what has been described in this thread. At no point in our family did anyone consider it to be "normal" to beat kids as a form of punishment. Corporal punishment wasn't allowed in schools, either.

I'm sure there were families who abused their kids and who were so strict that they beat them, but they were certainly not the norm. Maybe it's some sort of regional/cultural thing? I have no idea, but it makes me so sad to think that anyone would have considered that kind of thing to be normal. 😞 

[Katy]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

Am I the only one who didn't know any kids whose parents regularly spanked them? And I'm talking about a quick swat on the butt, not the kinds of beatings being described in this thread. I grew up in the 60s and 70s, so I'm older than many of the people posting in this thread, so it's not like I'm too young to remember when beating kids with cords, belts, and paddles was an acceptable thing. It wasn't acceptable. It just wasn't. 

My parents never spanked us, my grandparents (who were born in the 1880s) didn't believe in spanking, and the families we knew would have been appalled at much of what has been described in this thread. At no point in our family did anyone consider it to be "normal" to beat kids as a form of punishment. Corporal punishment wasn't allowed in schools, either.

I'm sure there were families who abused their kids and who were so strict that they beat them, but they were certainly not the norm. Maybe it's some sort of regional/cultural thing? I have no idea, but it makes me so sad to think that anyone would have considered that kind of thing to be normal. 😞 

I recently heard a disturbingly proud story about the 3 year old grandchild of my (Florida) cousin declaring a fussy child in her preschool needed a spanking. 

My parents spanked. Most parents I knew spanked. But mine were considered pretty liberal because it was limited to when we repeated dangerous behaviors after being warned between the ages of 2 & maybe 8. Whenever they thought we were old enough to reason.