Miss Marple Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 My mil has Alzheimers. She has good and bad days, but she typically remembers me, dh, and the boys. She and fil live in an assisted living home in a small 1 bedroom apartment. They don't have much room. She mostly sits on the sofa and watches TV (but has no idea what the content of the show is) all day. FIL is doing well mentally. So, here's the dilemma: last year we bought mil (grandma) a new sweater because her old one was looking pitiful. But fil never dressed her in it (all year) probably because it was unfamiliar to her and she wouldn't wear it. So...this year we're wondering what to get grandma. She is happy to open a gift, but doesn't remember that it is for her. So, what does one get for an elderly Alzheimer patient? It seems that we are getting mil something, not so much for her sake, but for fil's feelings. And, I think that is appropriate - we still need to recognize her part in the family. Bathtime is a problem because she becomes combative. So bath stuff won't work. FIL recently sent a bag home with me filled with lots of toiletries that had been purchased for her but never used. She has gained a huge amount of weight which is a problem because she can hardly walk due to knee issues so calorie laden treats won't work. And we've already given them pictures of us and the boys which are all over the apartment. Any suggestions?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Maybe slippers? Comfy slipper socks? New jammies? Do they ever listen to music? Perhaps a new cd of music they would enjoy. How about some pretty holiday flowers to enjoy and then throw away? Oh, what about one of the pre-planted pots of amaryllis bulbs? You just water it a bit for a week or two and then it produces really glorious flowers. No commitment required, you can just throw it out after it's done blooming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 A magazine subscription? A goldfish? Are they on the ground floor - can they have a birdfeeder? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I have an aunt with dementia issues due to a brain tumor. I have given her: --Music CD from a dearly-loved musician --Pen with a rope to keep around her neck. She always has paper or a notebook nearby and loves to write. --Watercolor pencils with pretty, simple line drawings of flowers. This one ended up being a little more than she could easily do, though. --Small photo album with clearly labeled pictures of family and friends --Horse photo books (She's always loved horses.) --Videos of old TV shows --Jewelery. Be careful with this one though--my aunt always loved new clothes and new jewelery, but it sounds like your mil is different and prefers what is familiar. --Warm shawl or lap blanket Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Is there a TV series on DVD that FIL might like to watch with her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HootyTooty Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I would probably get something from a ___ of the month club. Like a cake or maybe flowers. My dh's grandmother has dementia and when we by gifts, we keep it to something she can have to eat or look at (one year we bought her a table book). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Dominion Heather Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Hmmm... some of the things my great-uncle enjoyed when he was mid-stage: Old photos of his family, framed. books with big pictures. Honestly, he really probably loved candy the most. He would get so excited over a Snickers bar and at that point, we figured it wouldn't damage his health THAT badly... We knew he had very little time left and figured he might as well enjoy the candy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 My grandmother who lived in a very small place was food like (in her case) special candy or cookies. One year I sent her a big box of assorted Christmas cookies that I had baked myself and she LOVED it because it was special and something she no longer was able to make for herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAMom Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 :grouphug: My grandma suffered from Alzheimer's and my dad is displaying the signs as well. Grandma loved to get cookies!:) She was such a cookie lover. When I was growing up, when we arrived at her house, I would head straight for her fully stocked cookie jar. I can still see it in my mind! So, when she was in the Alzheimer's unit, we would always make sure she got cookies. Her care takers said how much she loved them! So, maybe some food item that she's always loved. We also used to get her new socks to keep her feet warm and lotion. I know you said your mil is getting combative at bath time but maybe she would like some lotion just lovingly rubbed on her hands or feet? The plant/flower suggestions are great, too! I love the thought of a cd with some music that she enjoyed when she was young and vibrant. :grouphug: to you as you honor her this Christmas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I would go with CD's of older music from her teens & early twenties. My mother is a retired psychiatric nurse & spent her entire career working with alzheimer's patients & she said that with many patients the only thing which would rouse them at all was when the musician visited and played the piano for them. This population was mostly of British/Scottish/Irish heritage & they found someone who knew tons of old songs from that area & the right time period. Coffee table type books with photographs - horses, gardens, houses etc might also be interesting to look at. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 My dgma liked dvds of tv shows she liked. Grand Ole' Opry, My 3 Sons... She watched them over and over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kokotg Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Too late for this year, probably, but for my grandmother who has very limited space for framed photos, we get her photo books you can order from shutterfly or kodakgallery or wherever. Maybe a healthier food gift? We're giving away lots of homemade applesauce and jam this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 It sounds like your FIL has a lot on his plate! Could you ask *him* what she would like? Or would that ruin the surprise for him, too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Or liturgy? Or prayers? What if you made her a tape of some of those things? I think that she would find that comforting, and the thought behind it would make your FIL very happy, I'll bet. Warning, though--it's got to be the version that she grew up with--updates might really annoy her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Does she have some treasured items that are packed away and she hasn't seen in a long time? Wrap one up--you know she'll love it!! My dh's grandmother with Alzheimer's has moved in with us, so I understand the tricky things like that. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Even if you don't have time for order and delivery at this point, it might give you some ideas: http://alzstore.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I heard someone from the Alzheimers' Association speak once, and she talked about the combative with bathing issue. She said that often the patient does not recognize her caregiver, or that recognition fades in and out. So to the patient, it seems like someone that they don't know is trying to undress them and push them into the water. Of course that would be alarming, even if it's a trusted family member. I know it's really, really hard to deal with these things--they don't call it the 36 hour day for nothing. But I thought that you might appreciate that perspective on it, if you had not heard it before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 You might have been shopping already but how about a DVD of old B&W TV shows? My grandmother could remember THOSE shows but not anything she saw an hour ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 a music box Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 (edited) Okay, I haven't read any of the replies because this started in the middle of the night and there are a lot of them. So if this is a repeat, sorry. My MIL was moved into a facility for alzheimers this year as well. We sent digital picture frames. It flips through the pictures and she can stare at it like tv if she wants. I known you said they have pictures, but with the digital one it's more like watching tv because the pictures keep moving. Also you said she mainly watching tv. What about your old home movies? Video of your kids, and maybe the grandparents. Fill a dvd up and she can just watch that instead of regular tv. Both things may help her with the recognition of people as well. Good luck. Edited December 24, 2008 by Renthead Mommy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 Does she lose or hoard anything regularly? When my mom was alive and in full-blown dementia, I had my sister buy her 4 identical pairs of slippers from Target, and my other sister bought 4 identical hat and glove sets (also cheap). We had my mom unwrap one set of each, and I held back the rest and always had the extra needed when one glove or slipper could not be found. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T Baer Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 My mil has Alzheimers. She has good and bad days, but she typically remembers me, dh, and the boys. She and fil live in an assisted living home in a small 1 bedroom apartment. They don't have much room. She mostly sits on the sofa and watches TV (but has no idea what the content of the show is) all day. FIL is doing well mentally. So, here's the dilemma: last year we bought mil (grandma) a new sweater because her old one was looking pitiful. But fil never dressed her in it (all year) probably because it was unfamiliar to her and she wouldn't wear it. So...this year we're wondering what to get grandma. She is happy to open a gift, but doesn't remember that it is for her. So, what does one get for an elderly Alzheimer patient? It seems that we are getting mil something, not so much for her sake, but for fil's feelings. And, I think that is appropriate - we still need to recognize her part in the family. Bathtime is a problem because she becomes combative. So bath stuff won't work. FIL recently sent a bag home with me filled with lots of toiletries that had been purchased for her but never used. She has gained a huge amount of weight which is a problem because she can hardly walk due to knee issues so calorie laden treats won't work. And we've already given them pictures of us and the boys which are all over the apartment. Any suggestions?? When I was in the hospital, I brought my XM radio and had it on the Old Radio Classic channel for myself and the elderly dementia patient in the bed next to mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 (edited) Thank you all for the wonderful suggestions! The website that was recommended had some interesting stuff that I think I'll order for myself (about caregiving). We bought the digital picture frame last year in the hopes that the other siblings would send clips/pics of the other grandkids. But they haven't bothered to do it. So....pics of my kids scroll across the screen constantly - no wonder she knows them :-). While there are comic moments, it is sad to see a loved one deteriorate to such a degree. My mil was a minister's wife her whole married life. She taught Sunday School, was a librarian, and was such a creative homemaker. But now she curses, hits, and screams when it comes to bath time. But the rest of the time she is a docile, model patient - the brain is such a strange thing. My fil is totally mortified by her behavior but understands that it is a part of the disease state. I think the music idea might be something that she would like. She is fascinated with fish so I'm wondering if I can combine several of these ideas into one - a fish dvd with a musical score background! The music box is a great idea, too. Maybe a musical snow globe? She likes to mess with stuff...so maybe something that you have to wind-up? Sorry, I'm just think aloud here and getting carried away... Edited December 24, 2008 by CynthiaOK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I actually thought that the kids and I would sort of like looking at it too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I always send pictures already in frames and flowers. They love them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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