Tap Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 If you are union, ask your steward if coercive gift requests are allowed. They are strictly prohibited on our contract…..especially if requested by a senior or supervisory employee! This would be immediately shut down by our union. People can volunteer to participate but it has to be 100% elective and can not be promoted by a supervisor (implying additional pressure). 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R828 Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 Is it fair or right that you are requested to do this? Absolutely not. Might it be in your best interests to just comply by doing something low effort? I think so. Please try not to stress over this. It’s not worth it. Maybe set a timer for 10 minutes and look around your home for a cute card or bookmark you think a co-worker might enjoy. (I hoard pretty stationery, so this may not work for you if you are more of a minimalist.) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted May 2, 2023 Author Share Posted May 2, 2023 50 minutes ago, hjffkj said: I would be writing HR about this situation and telling them that you will not participate in an unpaid activity that is harmful to your well-being. I don't think we have HR. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted May 2, 2023 Author Share Posted May 2, 2023 3 minutes ago, R828 said: Is it fair or right that you are requested to do this? Absolutely not. Might it be in your best interests to just comply by doing something low effort? I think so. Please try not to stress over this. It’s not worth it. Maybe set a timer for 10 minutes and look around your home for a cute card or bookmark you think a co-worker might enjoy. (I hoard pretty stationery, so this may not work for you if you are more of a minimalist.) Yeah, I think this is true. I feel a bit better about sticking very close to the well-being theme and making a card with some meditation ideas etc. If I do that, and make the card as well, I can re-frame it as a relaxing craft activity. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted May 2, 2023 Author Share Posted May 2, 2023 Ironically, I am currently working on making a journal for a close co-worker's birthday present. So it's not stinginess. It's the compulsion. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanin Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 I agree with you about the annoyance of being asked to participate in something like this. I'd go with a potted plant, too. It really would increase wellness because it cleans the air! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted May 2, 2023 Author Share Posted May 2, 2023 2 hours ago, thatfirstsip said: You can ask to be exempt from the whole shebang, I imagine - but you'll either have to invent a story or tell the real one or be ostracized. There's no painless play, here - ime adults are largely expected to have dealt with their trauma, or they have to defend any resistance to the social contract with the detailed story of that trauma, which is rarely worth it. I hear you on the gift giving and receiving thing. I just open with "I suck at gifts, it's a weird me thing," and that seems to lower my expectations and theirs, which reduces my anxiety. Yeah. My boss knows about the DV because it came up when they mishandled (badly) an incident I had with a violent student, but only in the barest or barest bones, and I'm not going to go into it. Good idea about lowering expectations. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R828 Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 15 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said: Yeah, I think this is true. I feel a bit better about sticking very close to the well-being theme and making a card with some meditation ideas etc. If I do that, and make the card as well, I can re-frame it as a relaxing craft activity. That sounds like a great idea! Reframing it like that can make all the difference! 16 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said: Ironically, I am currently working on making a journal for a close co-worker's birthday present. So it's not stinginess. It's the compulsion. Of course. It’s maddening because they don’t seem to care about actual employee wellness, while ostensibly trying to promote it. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thatfirstsip Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 13 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said: Ironically, I am currently working on making a journal for a close co-worker's birthday present. So it's not stinginess. It's the compulsion. Of course - and the thing is, $10 is nothing when you have $200k in retirement and $10k in savings and a partner who makes a full income and you're paid say $75k a year. I'm sure the $25 field trip tshirts are peanuts to most people who live in this upper-middle district, but for a few of us $25 is not necessarily extra money. So A. It's annoying to have to buy your way out of the problem, because that $10 means something to you and if you're spending it, you'd rather it be for something intentional or pleasant instead of to just keep up with the social expectations at your job, and B. when you're doing this kind of thing with a bunch of people who make 1.5x your wage (or 2x), and often have more stable finances besides, it feels like you're sacrificing something that they think nothing of, which is a bad feeling. I'm a little spicy about the latest round of single-use $25 t-shirts, lol. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 How about an inexpensive potted flower, and a favorite, cheerful or even humorous poem to go with it. Even just a short one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth86 Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 1 hour ago, hjffkj said: I would be writing HR about this situation and telling them that you will not participate in an unpaid activity that is harmful to your well-being. Yes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted May 2, 2023 Author Share Posted May 2, 2023 40 minutes ago, thatfirstsip said: I'm a little spicy about the latest round of single-use $25 t-shirts, lol. I hear you! Valid. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted May 2, 2023 Author Share Posted May 2, 2023 33 minutes ago, J-rap said: How about an inexpensive potted flower, and a favorite, cheerful or even humorous poem to go with it. Even just a short one! I think my city is very expensive because a potted flower is like, $15-20. But definitely, that's the kind of thing I'd like to receive! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted May 2, 2023 Author Share Posted May 2, 2023 I've worked it out now, thank you everyone. I am over my panic attack, and remembering I am a creative person who likes to do creative things, so will bring that lens to bear. But man, if you're a boss, or you're married to a boss, or just generally have boss-influence anywhere in your life, please tell them this kind of thing has the potential to decrease employee well being. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolate-chip chooky Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 @Melissa Louise when do you need this by? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted May 2, 2023 Author Share Posted May 2, 2023 6 minutes ago, chocolate-chip chooky said: @Melissa Louise when do you need this by? In the next week or so, but I think I'm all good now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted May 2, 2023 Author Share Posted May 2, 2023 Filling out my own questionnaire for my secret pal, you guys. What are you excited about at work? NOT THIS! 1 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thatfirstsip Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 "the day when management gives us a $10/month raise instead of making us buy each other things" Who knows, you could make a similarly cynical friend 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolate-chip chooky Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 4 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said: In the next week or so, but I think I'm all good now. My daughter could crochet you a really nice bookmark to put in the card, if you like. I'll post it to you asap. Let me know. She'll be happy to do it. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted May 2, 2023 Author Share Posted May 2, 2023 1 minute ago, chocolate-chip chooky said: My daughter could crochet you a really nice bookmark to put in the card, if you like. I'll post it to you asap. Let me know. She'll be happy to do it. Aw, that is lovely. I'll message you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted May 2, 2023 Author Share Posted May 2, 2023 2 minutes ago, thatfirstsip said: "the day when management gives us a $10/month raise instead of making us buy each other things" Who knows, you could make a similarly cynical friend We were all supposed to complete our questionnaires last term. Only half of us did. I am quite sure at least some others are equally cynical! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted May 3, 2023 Share Posted May 3, 2023 A frame from Oxfam with the note / message of appreciation/ cynical quote. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted May 3, 2023 Share Posted May 3, 2023 I so hate Teacher Appreciation Week. It's this week, and I feel awful that parents are spending a ton of money and time and effort on things I don't even want. One day was "bring your child's teacher flowers." I do NOT like flowers. I worry constantly about my cats being poisoned by them. Someone in the house is allergic to 3/4 of all flower species. But because it's a "day," I get all these flowers, and I feel terrible if I throw them out but also allergic and anxious if I don't, and it just sucks. There's also the mandatory "we're all friends" bring a dish lunch after school, that also sounds awful, even though I genuinely like most of my co-workers. Oh, and a parent brought us all Starbucks, but I don't drink coffee and don't really like most Starbucks drinks. I don't want the caffeine or calories. But I feel so terribly ungrateful. I'm like, "I love my job; I love your children. Just please appreciate me by just letting me do my job." 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted May 3, 2023 Share Posted May 3, 2023 How frustrating, @Terabith ! such a waste. 😞 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted May 3, 2023 Author Share Posted May 3, 2023 2 minutes ago, Terabith said: I'm like, "I love my job; I love your children. Just please appreciate me by just letting me do my job." And by giving me the tools to do my job properly! Salt on the wound yesterday - executive reneged on previous agreement to provide behavior plan before asking me to supervise any children with a history of violence. I said no to supervising before a proper hand-over meeting, where I get the information I need to keep everyone, me included, safe. This workplace doesn't give a toss about wellbeing. 1 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted May 3, 2023 Share Posted May 3, 2023 On 5/1/2023 at 5:13 PM, Melissa Louise said: It's definitely that - I have a lot of gift giving stress because ex liked to reject anything I gave him - I was often yelled at and/or told to return. It's also that I know most people there will chuck $ at it - and I can't chuck $ at it - so I will look cheap by comparison. And I would be annoyed that someone had to find $ to give a mandatory gift to me. Or be annoyed that I have to donate a gift that I didn’t like. more people probably feel like you than you’d expect I wouldn’t think you cheap for giving flowers a note or something very small. I’d be relieved that I didn’t put someone out too badly. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted May 3, 2023 Share Posted May 3, 2023 I know you said this is sorted, but I will say, there have been times when I was very much outmoneyed by folks I needed to give things to, and I always had good luck falling back on things that involved ingenuity and either materials I generally have on hand or that were inexpensive. Ex. Women’s group at church is doing a sticky gooey stuff bake sale; eg expensive ingredients. I make homemade yeast bread with dry goods I have on hand. It’s immensely popular because nobody makes bread here anymore. Or, I happen to own a ridiculous amount of yarn, so I knit a scarf—decorative or warm—for a secret sister gift. Always amazes people because nobody makes things here. And I mostly do it while watching TV so it’s not even much of a time suck. Or, I find a picture frame in expensively at a thrift store, and write a special quote for that person on card stock, frame it, and gift it. Personal choices like that are pretty special. ‘Not all who wander are lost’ is one of my favorites. Bible verses are great, too. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted May 3, 2023 Share Posted May 3, 2023 59 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said: And by giving me the tools to do my job properly! Salt on the wound yesterday - executive reneged on previous agreement to provide behavior plan before asking me to supervise any children with a history of violence. I said no to supervising before a proper hand-over meeting, where I get the information I need to keep everyone, me included, safe. This workplace doesn't give a toss about wellbeing. I have an acquaintance who is on workers comp due to an injury from a violent child. The way the school has treated her is terrible. She used to be someone who lived a pretty full life and she’s quite limited now. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted May 4, 2023 Author Share Posted May 4, 2023 7 hours ago, Ausmumof3 said: I have an acquaintance who is on workers comp due to an injury from a violent child. The way the school has treated her is terrible. She used to be someone who lived a pretty full life and she’s quite limited now. That's terrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emba Posted May 4, 2023 Share Posted May 4, 2023 On 5/1/2023 at 8:23 PM, Melissa Louise said: Ironically, I am currently working on making a journal for a close co-worker's birthday present. So it's not stinginess. It's the compulsion. I hate feeling like gifts are required. It takes away all the goodwill and free choice that make gifts meaningful. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.