Driving responsibilities and getting older

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I have been responsible for driving a group of athletes this month. We have logged a lot of highway miles (well over 2500 miles). I have been proud of how well I have managed driving a 15 passenger van through a variety of weather and road conditions. I lost it yesterday, though, and just had to let myself cry for a few minutes.

We were in Minnesota right after a snow storm. Remaining in place was not an option and I had to drive. I was so careful. Required seatbelts, drove slowly, kept a safe distance from other vehicles. I was doing everything possible to ensure our safety. At one point, traffic was at a standstill. As we progressed through, we saw vehicles off the road and into the median or shoulder. Of course, there were rubberneckers who slowed things down even more. At one point, a car three cars ahead of us just stopped to look and the cars in between us and them had to slam on the breaks. I put on my brakes as well but the car behind me was going much faster and all I could see was that car disappear from all of my mirrors. There was a white van similar to ours behind that car and it spun out of control. It turned sideways and was sliding toward the car I could no longer see. I yelled out to my passengers to prepare for impact. The van disappeared in a cloud of snow and slush and then reappeared in the median. He missed the car behind us by inches; which was inches from my back bumper. Three or four other cars went into ditch as well but we managed not to get hit and I was able to proceed.

All I could think about were my passengers in the back seat, the passenger working on a laptop, the sleeping passenger, the passenger in the car I could no longer see in my mirrors, the terror of the other van driver... so many things went through my mind. I was shaking. I don't know if my emotions were from menopause, being a mom and grandma, being the responsible adult, or stress from having to drive under those conditions, but it took me a while (about an hour) to calm down. I had to treat myself to a Bai and gummy bears (I know, I live large). When the car behind me chose to pass me a bit down the road, the passenger and I looked at each other and gave each other an understanding look. 

I have decided I do not want to be a bus driver when I grow up. My emotional constitution isn't up to the challenge.

[Kassia]

Wow, that sounds incredibly stressful.  It's hard enough driving in those conditions but I can't imagine doing it when responsible for so many others.  

[elegantlion]

Those conditions alone would made me anxious. I'm glad you all are okay.  Last fall, I had my first car accident for over 30 years. It was in ideal conditions, someone ran a stop sign at 25-30 mph and totalled my car. It's been over 8 months and I still tense up driving through that intersection.

Even before that I do notice that I'm more anxious driving on the highway, some of it is road conditions, some of it other drivers, some of it comfortability of my vehicle - like my "new" car post accident picks up in the wind easier than my previous car. 

I'm in my 50s, I sometimes think it's the years that is making more anxious - just the years of experience understanding the dangers of driving. 

[mommyoffive]

OH wow, how scary.  I am so glad you are ok.  I hate driving.  Driving in snow and ice are so awful.  I had a really really scary experience in a whiteout conditions before Covid.

Unless those big passengers vans have gotten better to drive over the last 2 decades, they are so hard to drive in wind, snow, and icy conditions.  I had to drive one as a college student for a camp I worked at.  I had zero experience driving anything but a sedan.  

[Halftime Hope]

Granny W, if one of those athletes were mine, and I had known what you went through, I'd restock your Bai and gummies for a long while, in deep gratitude for your care and diligence keeping them safe.

I may be on the cusp of taking a job that will require a substantial a substantial commute. I'm really wondering if I'm cut out for it because traffic in my metro area can be very rough. Sigh.

Thank you!

[Kalmia]

I feel for you. I am from the northeast and icy conditions pretty much give me a panic attack. Though it was incredibly stressful, you got your charges safely through a very dangerous situation. You are a really good driver. Sure, luck had some part of it, as other people were going out of control around you, but you (unlike I would  in a similar situation) did not freak out. Also, when the other people on the road passed, you took your cue from your experience and good sense, and stayed the safe course. Luckily, you do not have to be a bus driver when you grow up, and luckily for your passengers you were their driver this time. 

Edited April 2, 2023 by Kalmia

[Miss Tick]

So stressful! Waiting out the adrenaline rush can easily take me an hour. Don't blame the shaking on menopause hormones.

This same response probably means you and I aren't cut out to be action heroes either. Shucks!

On behalf of the athlete parents (especially the sleeping one who has zero idea of their narrow brush with danger), thank you!

Edited April 2, 2023 by Miss Tick
shpelling

[Halftime Hope]

22 minutes ago, Miss Tick said:

So stressful! Waiting out the adrenoline rush can easily take me an hour. Don't blame the shaking on menopause hormones.

This same response probably means you and I aren't cut out to be action heroes either. Shucks!

On behalf of the athlete parents (especially the sleeping one who has zero idea of their narrow brush with danger), thank you!

This. I've often thought when keyboarding in a high stress, high speed situation, it's a good thing that I'll never be that person being called to input a complex code as the precious seconds tick down toward the end of civilization as we know it. We'd all die. Finito. Kaput.

[gardenmom5]

I'm glad you were able to escape that.  I'm sure that would be extremely overwhelming.

[gardenmom5]

44 minutes ago, Miss Tick said:

So stressful! Waiting out the adrenoline rush can easily take me an hour. Don't blame the shaking on menopause hormones.

This same response probably means you and I aren't cut out to be action heroes either. Shucks!

On behalf of the athlete parents (especially the sleeping one who has zero idea of their narrow brush with danger), thank you!

Did you see the story about the 3rd (?) grader whose teacher gave the class the assignment to dress up as their favorite hero?   the little girl dressed up like her teacher.

[KatieJ]

Oh my gosh! I’m in MN…road conditions were terrible!

Thank you for being such a careful, caring driver! Thankful you are all safe.

 

PS…we’ve got another storm coming this week, I hope you can just stay home. 

[SKL]

Sorry that happened to you, and glad impact was avoided for you and your passengers.

I will say that as long as everyone was really wearing their seatbelts, they probably would have been OK.  I have had times when teens refused to wear their seatbelts on freeways ... or they sneak and take them off while you're driving.  Idiots.

I don't really have any wisdom.  My folks live in an area that gets a lot of weather, and I've been in more than my fair share of scary traffic moments (some of them ending in impact).  However, so far, it has been very rare for me to refuse to drive, as long as the destination activity has not been canceled.  More of us should probably refuse in order to normalize that sensible decision.

I do look forward to being able to hand off more of the driving to my kids as I get older.  I get tired faster than I used to, and my eyes aren't the best.  But I'm still the safest bad-weather driver in my house by far.

[wintermom]

So glad you made it through safe and sound. I've heard that those large vans are not fun in certain conditions, such as high winds. You've clearing effectively learned how to keep safe while driving. Well done!

You mentioned that "remaining in place was not an option/" I'd look carefully at your employment contract to find out if this is in fact true. If you determine that driving conditions are unsafe for you and your passengers, you should not drive until conditions are safe. You should have the power to make those kinds of decisions. I travelled for sports across the Rocky Mountains in my youth, and we've had to stop and overnight if driving conditions were unsafe. It's much better to arrive home late, but alive. 

[stephanier.1765]

What an idiot to just stop and gawk like that! I hope that driver knows exactly what he caused. Ugh, I'm furious and upset on your behalf! I'm thankful you all are well and safe. I'm pretty sure I would have cried too.

[Spy Car]

Scary. Glad you are okay.

Bill

 

[LifeLovePassion]

Echoing as a lifelong Minnesotan, this weekend was bad. These spring storms have such wet , heavy snow. Add to that the fact that it was a sheet of ice underneath because it rained first and we had blizzard level winds. 

We had to go somewhere Saturday but waited until 2 pm  the roads were dry by then, but we passed so many cars still in the ditches with people in them because tow trucks were so backed up. 

That would have been nerve wracking for anyone. 

[Eos]

You did great.  Hugs.

[skimomma]

I don't think it can be attributed to age alone.  I live where we drive on dangerous roads for 6+ months of the year.  I am very familiar with what we are/were feeling and there have been many times when I have questioned if I should stop driving for my own sanity.  The lingering trauma of even a near miss is very real.  I too have had to drive groups of teens in 15 passenger vans in bad weather.  It is terrible.  I have no solution other than to question the stay-put option.  Luckily, I no longer have to drive groups but the last year I did put my foot down and we missed a race because I would not allow the group (multiple vehicles) to travel in a blizzard.  Some parents were very unhappy and ended up driving their own kids in order to not miss the race.  I informed them that they were perfectly welcome to take over managing the group if they did not agree with my judgement.  I have also held my own kid back from a trip in which I was not driving because I thought the conditions were too dangerous.  No regrets.

[J-rap]

It was a bad weekend for driving in Minnesota.  I read there were 600 spin outs, 350 crashes, and 18 jackknifed semis.  That said, there were no fatalities or serious injuries.   I don't mind driving anywhere if the road conditions are good, but I'll do anything to avoid driving on highways/freeways during bad conditions.  I think your reaction was perfectly normal!

You sound like a very safe driver and I'd feel very comfortable with my children riding with you.  Thank you!

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Thank you all for the kind words. All of our remaining events are at home so no more driving is required. Except for me. I have to drive an hour each way daily to get to practices and matches. This week has been nerve wracking with the tornados, high winds, thunderstorms, and rain. My little VW was getting blown all over the place. My arms are sore from holding onto the steering wheel.

I also have a lot of driving to do with my business and this weekend is going to be crazy. My athletes have a match and I have to officiate three other matches. So much driving. I hope the weather forecast remains calm and pleasant.