I Know this Might Make Me Weird. . .

[Alicia64]

I've had a life-long problem of not liking to be in houses by myself. I'm fine during the day, but at night: no. I really get freaked out.

There's no rhyme or reason to it. As a kid, I would not leave the TV room and walk down the dark hallway to use the bathroom. (I'd wait for my younger sister or just hold it.)

As a teen, my parents traveled and I never wanted to sleep alone in the house (one that we'd been in forever).

I always hoped I'd outgrow it, but I haven't.

I'm really ready to get a grip on this. Am I alone in this thing? If you found something that helped, I'm all ears.

TIA

[Katy]

Nothing like that for me, but one of my sisters had a similar anxiety in relation to one of her kids. She was constantly afraid the child would die. It was a panic level thing. She’s very science oriented but she went to a hypnotherapist and did a past-life regression. In it, the child she worries about was her child in a past life and in that life the child died. Now my sister is 90% sure it’s BS her subconscious came up with under the hypnotherapist’s suggestion, but the panic did permanently stop. I think she would recommend it, with her cynical caveats. Similar to her feelings about chiropractic, “It might work, but definitely NOT for the reasons they tell you.”

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

You’re not weird.  I was the same way for a long time. Honestly, I went on an SSRI for something else but it reduced that fear as well.

[Alicia64]

14 minutes ago, Katy said:

Nothing like that for me, but one of my sisters had a similar anxiety in relation to one of her kids. She was constantly afraid the child would die. It was a panic level thing. She’s very science oriented but she went to a hypnotherapist and did a past-life regression. In it, the child she worries about was her child in a past life and in that life the child died. Now my sister is 90% sure it’s BS her subconscious came up with under the hypnotherapist’s suggestion, but the panic did permanently stop. I think she would recommend it, with her cynical caveats. Similar to her feelings about chiropractic, “It might work, but definitely NOT for the reasons they tell you.”

Wow. Amazing story. I wouldn't mind trying that at all. Thanks!!

 

[Alicia64]

14 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

You’re not weird.  I was the same way for a long time. Honestly, I went on an SSRI for something else but it reduced that fear as well.

Congratulations! I would love to be free of this.

 

[kbutton]

32 minutes ago, Alicia64 said:

I've had a life-long problem of not liking to be in houses by myself. I'm fine during the day, but at night: no. I really get freaked out.

There's no rhyme or reason to it. As a kid, I would not leave the TV room and walk down the dark hallway to use the bathroom. (I'd wait for my younger sister or just hold it.)

As a teen, my parents traveled and I never wanted to sleep alone in the house (one that we'd been in forever).

I always hoped I'd outgrow it, but I haven't.

I'm really ready to get a grip on this. Am I alone in this thing? If you found something that helped, I'm all ears.

TIA

Really freaked out is more intense than my issue, but I strongly dislike staying alone to sleep overnight. I am even fine with a little kid in the house, lol!

If I had to live alone, I'd probably have to get a dog or something. 

I think I am better about this in my current house than in my last, which is odd and pretty random. 

I'd use nightlights for sure and keep a phone and flashlight nearby when I slept.

[Clarita]

My mom does nightlights. Usually I'll keep the "TV" on (nowadays it's more like my phone or tablet) until I'm absolutely ready to sleep and sometimes until after (I just don't have Netflix do continue).

I'm only better now because I have two young kids so they are always with me. You are not alone.

[Alicia64]

17 minutes ago, kbutton said:

Really freaked out is more intense than my issue, but I strongly dislike staying alone to sleep overnight. I am even fine with a little kid in the house, lol!

If I had to live alone, I'd probably have to get a dog or something. 

I think I am better about this in my current house than in my last, which is odd and pretty random. 

I'd use nightlights for sure and keep a phone and flashlight nearby when I slept.

Yes, I'd be fine w/ a little kid too! It makes no sense!

I love your idea of the phone and the flashlight. Never thought of the flashlight. I used to take my keys to bed too -- when I was alone -- thinking that I could set off the car alarm (if the car was out front). You're right about nightlights too.

Thank you!!

[Alicia64]

9 minutes ago, Clarita said:

My mom does nightlights. Usually I'll keep the "TV" on (nowadays it's more like my phone or tablet) until I'm absolutely ready to sleep and sometimes until after (I just don't have Netflix do continue).

I'm only better now because I have two young kids so they are always with me. You are not alone.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your response. 🧡

[Ann.without.an.e]

I struggle to be alone but at night it is even harder. It’s awful and I hate it. 

[Terabith]

I'm fine with going to the bathroom, but I really don't like being alone overnight in the house.  

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

34 minutes ago, Alicia64 said:

Congratulations! I would love to be free of this.

 

My husband works 24-39 hour long shifts twixe a week, so I am home alone a lot. It was more necessity than anything.

My dad worked away for weeks at a time and my mom was clearly afraid of being alone. It didn’t help that we were really rural and it would take police 30 minutes to get there. But I grew up thinking kidnappers and home invaders lurked behind every tree because my mom reacted to everything with fear.

Accelerated Resolution therapy helped that as well.

[Garga]

I have totally irrational fears that there’s a witch in the house who will “get” me in the dark. I’m ok going from my bedroom to the attached bathroom (where there’s a nightlight), but if I have to leave the bedroom, the fear kicks in strong. Actually, if I catch my reflection in the dark bathroom mirror, that freaks me out, too. What if I see someone behind me in the reflection? Shudder. 

If I was you, I’d leave on lights in hallways or anywhere you’d have to go alone (like through hallways to bathrooms or wherever.). That doesn’t always help entirely, but at least you won’t have darkness as an extra fear inducer. There have been a few times that I can’t bring myself to go into the basement at night when I’m alone, even with all the lights on. 

Wish I could help! It’s a miserable feeling.

Actually, what has helped a little bit, is watching scarier movies than when I was younger. I’ve slowly started watching movies or tv shows that I couldn’t watch when I was young, and oddly enough it’s inoculated me against the very worst of my fears. I still have them, but not at the levels of terror I used to, for the most part. I didn’t go straight to super-scary stuff, but some more mildly scary, or suspenseful movies, have helped a bit. Like, vampires used to freak me out, so then I watched Twilight, where they’re not really scary at all. And then I watched The Vampire Diaries and now the idea of vampires doesn’t scare me at all. But I cannot bring myself to watch witch movies or read witch books—those scare me as much as ever. 

So, not much help, and my fears are ridiculous because there aren’t warty witches and vampires hanging around waiting to “get’ me, but there you go. I’m still scared of them.

Edited March 2, 2023 by Garga

[LucyStoner]

I had this as a child and young adult. When I was a child I never wanted to be alone in a room or home alone. I remember being left home alone when I was about 10- I was home sick from school and my parents couldn’t stay with me.  I pretty much affixed myself to the couch and watched TV.  When I needed to go to the bathroom, I bolted down the hallway like a shot out of hell.  I was so scared. 

When I was older, it was most pronounced when I needed to shower and I was alone.  When I was living alone in my first apartment, I’d sometimes wait until a friend or family member visited to shower at all.  

It abated over time and with therapy to address a range of issues.  I married fairly young (21).  My marriage was healing for me in a lot of ways and living with someone provided both comfort in my worry and courage to address the issues that caused the worry in the first place.  My anxiety about being home alone and showering alone lessened more and more and I realized it was fully gone by the time I was in my late 20s.  

[DawnM]

Yes, I had it until a few years ago.   I have NO idea what shifted.   

Wanna hear something spooky?   

DH would go away at least once a year for business to another country.   He would always call me each night and back then, he would usually call the home phone as I had a pay as you go cell phone and didn't want to use the minutes.

Anyway, one time he didn't call.   I slept with the phone near my bed (well, I honestly didn't really sleep much when he was gone but I was in bed) and the phone rang about 2am from where he was.   I picked it up and it was a garbled weird series of noises that freaked me out completely!   I tried calling back but didn't get through.

The next day I talked to him and asked him about it and he said he tried calling around 8pm and couldn't get the phone to work properly or go through.

So, somehow in the matrix, the call did come through at 2am but he was not there any longer.

I didn't sleep much that night.

[Wheres Toto]

I was like that most of my life.  Absolutely HATED being home alone.  Having a young child around didn't really help that much.    I'm better now, sometimes a slight fear but mostly fine.   Coming home to an empty house and having to stay there alone was even worse than just being home alone.  

What helped me (which probably won't be super helpful to anyone else) -

-we have a dog that will bark if anyone comes near but we live in a quiet enough neighborhood that it's not a constant thing, despite a quiet neighborhood we're actually pretty close to help if needed. 

-My house is very small.  There is no place anyone could hide out without me being able to check in literally 2 minutes.   No basement, no attic, very few closets.  Houses with basements are the absolute worst.   Basements with outside access are awful.   

-My kids are now older teenagers so I'm usually here with almost adults.   

-There are multiple ways out of my house.  It's a one story bungalow so climbing out windows would be super easy in an emergency.  

I do usually stay up super late watching tv or reading when dh isn't home.   I also sleep with a light on.

My oldest daughter finds uncovered windows super creepy at night..  She lives alone okay but has to have something covering all her windows.   

[elegantlion]

I also don't like being alone at night. It's weird in that when I lived alone (just a few years ago for school), I didn't mind it. It's different if someone else is supposed to be here. So, if SO is not here, I leave on a light in the living room. 

[Ann.without.an.e]

Also just to add … I’m also legit scared of the dark. I wish I wasn’t but it is what it is 🤣

[Alicia64]

Thank you so much everyone!!

❤️❤️❤️

[Corbster98]

No, you are not alone. I have been afraid on some level most of my life. I have never liked being in the house overnight by myself. Having my boys around helped some but now they are off on their adult lives as my youngest just left for college in August. 

I have 2 giant breed dogs so they would alert me but they are not exactly guard dogs though I think they would attempt to protect if they felt the need. After one of my Newfies passes, I told my DH I am getting me a serious guard dog next (one that would protect my life at all costs).

But honestly what has been the game changer for me recently is installing an alarm system that is monitored monthly. For some reason, just turning that alarm on at night before I go to bed takes away my anxiety of being alone when I am. No more ruminating thoughts of all the bad things that 'could' happen. I feel at peace now. 

Edited March 2, 2023 by Corbster98

[kbutton]

4 hours ago, Wheres Toto said:

Houses with basements are the absolute worst.   Basements with outside access are awful.   

My oldest daughter finds uncovered windows super creepy at night..  She lives alone okay but has to have something covering all her windows.   

It's funny because the basement doesn't bother me, at all. I thought it would when we moved here. It's so quirky to me!

Uncovered windows at night are creepy!!! We have a window on our front door that can't really be covered (I wanted to get a curtain with magnets so that I could take off it in the day, but the door won't hold a magnet), and I can't go to bed without passing right by it. I also check the lock. It took me a reeeaaally long time to not envision checking that lock and finding a pair of eyes staring back at me, lol!!! We also have a motion detector light that will go off only if you get pretty close to the porch, and one time it was on, and I heard a gate-slamming nose right afterwards. I think (now) that it was likely a coyote, but at the time, I was pretty freaked out. 

 

 

[Terabith]

A few years ago, I was trying to help my now almost 18 year old clean her room.  So, I guess she was about 15 then.  She got HYSTERICAL and finally articulated that the piles of what I thought were clutter and trash around her room, were in fact traps in case someone broke in, they would knock one over (because they don't know their way around them like she does) and the noise would wake her up.  

She also sleeps on a mattress on the floor so there can be no monsters under the bed.  

She's not under the delusion that monsters are real or that there's any real likelihood of someone breaking in and coming into her room.  She knows it's irrational.  But these are things that help her cope with her irrational fears.  

[Spryte]

DH travels a good bit, and I’m mostly ok, but once in a while I worry. I was home during two separate break-ins, in my 20s, and once in a while those memories come roaring back! We have an alarm system and security cameras and lights now, too.

One thing I love about our house, and might help someone else: the former occupants decided that the basement entrance and window on the side of the house were the most likely place someone would break in. So they installed a solid core basement door at the top of the basement stairs, inside the house. It has a lock and a deadbolt. Anyone who broke in would have to break into that interior door, too. We also have a motion detector in the basement, and alarms on the window/door, but it’s the lock that really makes me feel better.

Of course, that doesn’t help with the supernatural type fears, if anyone is worried about ghosts or whatever, but it helps my break-in worries!

[ktgrok]

Do you in general have an active imagination? Do you tend to "lose yourself" in movies/books, as in you have a very strong suspension of disbelief? Asking because I have had some similar issues and can totally let my imagination run away with itself. I also can instantly start reacting as if a puppet is real if people are using one. I actually got really upset during a recent Jurassic World live show where a person was in a dino costume, and that dino was being teased and mistreated. I also can't do haunted houses as I know I will react and hit someone if they jump out at me. 

I just figure it is the cost of an over active imagination. That said, for "treatment" I'd start by getting comfortable in a house at night by yourself while talking to someone on the phone. Or facetiming. That always helps get me out of my own imagination. Or try being along at dusk, but someone coming home shortly after dark - so short period of time. 

[Elizabeth86]

Same!! I hate being alone. Luckily I’ve got a house full of small people. I’m 36 and haven’t outgrown this yet.

[Alicia64]

3 hours ago, ktgrok said:

Do you in general have an active imagination? Do you tend to "lose yourself" in movies/books, as in you have a very strong suspension of disbelief? Asking because I have had some similar issues and can totally let my imagination run away with itself. I also can instantly start reacting as if a puppet is real if people are using one. I actually got really upset during a recent Jurassic World live show where a person was in a dino costume, and that dino was being teased and mistreated. I also can't do haunted houses as I know I will react and hit someone if they jump out at me. 

I just figure it is the cost of an over active imagination. That said, for "treatment" I'd start by getting comfortable in a house at night by yourself while talking to someone on the phone. Or facetiming. That always helps get me out of my own imagination. Or try being along at dusk, but someone coming home shortly after dark - so short period of time. 

Yes, your idea to start slowly is smart!

[Garga]

I’m not sure this would work in my house that has an attic and basement, but back when we lived in an apartment and I got home alone from work, my husband had a samurai sword that I hid in a closet by the door. As soon as I got home, I’d take the sword and check every closet in the house. Only then could I relax.

Even though my house is small, it’s still too big to search with the sword (basement, attic are the problems.) So, if anyone is scared and lives in a smaller place, maybe just find an old sword.:D. I’m only half kidding. It really did make me feel a lot better once the closets (and under beds) were checked.

Of course that’s when I lived in the second-story apartment with a window in the shower that backed up to some woods. Jurassic Park came out that year, and all I could picture was taking a shower and the room going dark because a T-Rex’s eye was blocking the sun and peeking in through the shower window. When I came home after that movie, I’d get the sword, but also would be relieved when the cats would greet me at the door. If they didn’t, I’d figure that Velociraptors might have gotten in the kitchen and eaten the cats. 

I’m not scared of dinosaurs anymore. Just the occasional witch. Though, sometimes I think too hard about a vengeful ghost living at the top my staircases ready to push someone down, and then I grip the banister tightly. 

Garsh. I’m 50 and wish I was over this nonsense already! It’s ridiculous!

[ktgrok]

7 minutes ago, Garga said:

I’m not sure this would work in my house that has an attic and basement, but back when we lived in an apartment and I got home alone from work, my husband had a samurai sword that I hid in a closet by the door. As soon as I got home, I’d take the sword and check every closet in the house. Only then could I relax.

Even though my house is small, it’s still too big to search with the sword (basement, attic are the problems.) So, if anyone is scared and lives in a smaller place, maybe just find an old sword.:D. I’m only half kidding. It really did make me feel a lot better once the closets (and under beds) were checked.

Of course that’s when I lived in the second-story apartment with a window in the shower that backed up to some woods. Jurassic Park came out that year, and all I could picture was taking a shower and the room going dark because a T-Rex’s eye was blocking the sun and peeking in through the shower window. When I came home after that movie, I’d get the sword, but also would be relieved when the cats would greet me at the door. If they didn’t, I’d figure that Velociraptors might have gotten in the kitchen and eaten the cats. 

I’m not scared of dinosaurs anymore. Just the occasional witch. Though, sometimes I think too hard about a vengeful ghost living at the top my staircases ready to push someone down, and then I grip the banister tightly. 

Garsh. I’m 50 and wish I was over this nonsense already! It’s ridiculous!

I love you. You are awesome. And thank you for not making me feel alone in this nonsense!

 

[ktgrok]

I would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and worry my husband at the time (first husband) had been replaced with an alien while I was sleeping. I'd quiz him on things only he would know to make sure he wasn't an alien. In the middle of the night. 

Worst current DH has had to deal with was my calling him on the phone from the movie theater because I was scared to walk across the parking lot at night by myself, and needed to hear his voice to give me a pep talk. Plus he could call the cops if a radioactive mutant attacked me. (I'd just seen The Hills Have Eyes). Then I called him again later that night (this was before we were married/living together) because I was in bed, and it was dark, and I realized I wasn't sure if my sliding glass door was locked or not. I needed him to give verbal support as I got up the courage to walk across the room and check the lock. Cause radioactive bad guys can't get you in bed, with the covers over your head but once you get out of bed you are fair game, obviously. 

Edited March 3, 2023 by ktgrok

[Garga]

1 hour ago, ktgrok said:

I would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and worry my husband at the time (first husband) had been replaced with an alien while I was sleeping. I'd quiz him on things only he would know to make sure he wasn't an alien. In the middle of the night. 

Worst current DH has had to deal with was my calling him on the phone from the movie theater because I was scared to walk across the parking lot at night by myself, and needed to hear his voice to give me a pep talk. Plus he could call the cops if a radioactive mutant attacked me. (I'd just seen The Hills Have Eyes). Then I called him again later that night (this was before we were married/living together) because I was in bed, and it was dark, and I realized I wasn't sure if my sliding glass door was locked or not. I needed him to give verbal support as I got up the courage to walk across the room and check the lock. Cause radioactive bad guys can't get you in bed, with the covers over your head but once you get out of bed you are fair game, obviously. 

Beds = sanctuary, much like Notre Dame was to Quasimodo. The radioactive mutants know this to be true.