gardenmom5 Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 Not telling who is who . . woman has three married daughters. Tell's relative's (same age as her own daughters) husband she wishes he'd married one of her daughters . . . thoughts please . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 As in "you are such a nice young man- I wish you were my son in law"? If so thar seems harmless. Or "I wish my daughters had chosen you for a husband rather than the guys they married (who I obviously dislike)? That seems a bit rude. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 23, 2022 Author Share Posted October 23, 2022 3 minutes ago, kiwik said: As in "you are such a nice young man- I wish you were my son in law"? If so thar seems harmless. Or "I wish my daughters had chosen you for a husband rather than the guys they married (who I obviously dislike)? That seems a bit rude. The second. He makes more money than her sons-in-law. Possibly as much (or close to) as all three of her sils/husbands combined. (One she has decided she likes. He's blue collar but works hard and supports his family. two of whom she doesn't have fuzzy feelings.) But this was said to a relative's HUSBAND. He was already married to someone else. Like - he shouldn't have chosen who he did. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 I would just shrug and ignore it. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 How odd! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 I'd think "her filter broke today" and just move on. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 36 minutes ago, Hannah said: I'd think "her filter broke today" and just move on. This. I’ve said things at times which I cringed over later, after realizing they could be interpreted in ways I didn’t mean. It sounds like an offhand remark, not well thought out, and perhaps unfortunate, but not something I’d give much weight. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 I can't imagine telling anyone that they should have married someone else - especially if they are currently married. That's bizarre. And inappropriate. If I were the person she said it too, I'd tell her I'm happily married with a glance that spoke volumes and move off. If I were one of the son-in-laws (that mom wishes this guy would replace if I am understanding correctly), I'd be miffed. If I were one of her dds, I would be miffed too. If there were out of character for mom, I might check on her medical/mental status. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 6 hours ago, kiwik said: I would just shrug and ignore it. Yep - it's in poor taste, but it doesn't seem like it'll suddenly cause two married people to leave their spouses for each other. It would be more of an eye-rolling moment than anything else for me. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
math teacher Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 In poor taste!! Hopefully her daughters will give her a talking to. I once had a man tell me he should have married me with his wife in the room. It was said in jest, but still very uncomfortable!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 6 hours ago, gardenmom5 said: The second. He makes more money than her sons-in-law. Possibly as much (or close to) as all three of her sils/husbands combined. (One she has decided she likes. He's blue collar but works hard and supports his family. two of whom she doesn't have fuzzy feelings.) But this was said to a relative's HUSBAND. He was already married to someone else. Like - he shouldn't have chosen who he did. If the comment said was the comment first posted, it is a big reach to make it mean, “You should not have married X.” I’d have taken it to mean, “You’re great. Wish my daughters had married someone like you.” It’s complimentary if said daughters are single and snarky when they’re married. In this scenario I’d read it to say far more about her sons in law than the young man or his chosen bride. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 23, 2022 Author Share Posted October 23, 2022 1 hour ago, BlsdMama said: If the comment said was the comment first posted, it is a big reach to make it mean, “You should not have married X.” I’d have taken it to mean, “You’re great. Wish my daughters had married someone like you.” It’s complimentary if said daughters are single and snarky when they’re married. In this scenario I’d read it to say far more about her sons in law than the young man or his chosen bride. It definitely says something about her feelings towards her sons-in-law - but she's the one who raised her daughters who chose those sons-in-law. She didn't say "i wish/why couldn't my daughters have married someone like you." - she said "why couldn't *you* have married one of my daughters?" The guy would have had zero interest in any of her daughters - even had he met them when all of them were single. They're not his type. 3 hours ago, Bambam said: I can't imagine telling anyone that they should have married someone else - especially if they are currently married. That's bizarre. And inappropriate. If I were the person she said it too, I'd tell her I'm happily married with a glance that spoke volumes and move off. If I were one of the son-in-laws (that mom wishes this guy would replace if I am understanding correctly), I'd be miffed. If I were one of her dds, I would be miffed too. If there were out of character for mom, I might check on her medical/mental status. He now keeps his distance from her when visiting the area where "the families" live. He's also shut her down over other (more typical, but still "off") things. None of her daughters live an easy distance from her. One lives halfway across the country. (She made no secret she would have stopped that wedding if she could have, and bought a year's worth of BC for the daughter because she couldn't. - maybe that should be in the marriage thread. . . ) I don't know if any of the sons-in-law know she said that, and it is a reflection on how she feels about them. I think it is also a reflection of how she feels about her own daughters. It's not really out of character, but the OTT of it was shocking nonetheless. 2 hours ago, AmandaVT said: Yep - it's in poor taste, but it doesn't seem like it'll suddenly cause two married people to leave their spouses for each other. It would be more of an eye-rolling moment than anything else for me. It certainly won't make him interested in any of her daughters. (even if all were single.) He considers his wife to be perfect for him. It's one more check in the "she's off" (close your eyes, breathe deep, and count to ten) column. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarita Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 Why do people want to have such awkward conversations is beyond me. I've been the subject on one of those conversations, so glad it didn't happen again. Also so glad my friend shut it down with "My son had a shot and he $%$# up. I'd like this conversation to be over because it's a sore spot for me." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danae Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 There’s clearly other baggage or history here, because to me it reads as an innocuous compliment. The idea that it’s implying anything about his actual marriage or her sons-in-law seems to be reading a whole lot more into it than would be warranted in a normal conversation. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted October 23, 2022 Share Posted October 23, 2022 My thoughts are that it was on offhand comment that should go in one ear and out the other. Any time and energy wasted thinking about it at all is making a mountain out of a molehill. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted October 24, 2022 Share Posted October 24, 2022 20 hours ago, fraidycat said: My thoughts are that it was on offhand comment that should go in one ear and out the other. Any time and energy wasted thinking about it at all is making a mountain out of a molehill. Yup. Eyes on your own paper has been good advice since kindergarten. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted October 25, 2022 Share Posted October 25, 2022 My honest thoughts? If I had to guess the scenario I’d say the annoying lady made the comment to her sister’s (or close cousin’s) son-in-law and that these women have a tricky history. I’d guess that the poster is the mother of the daughter who is “the right type” and whose daughter was raised to make the better spousal choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted October 25, 2022 Share Posted October 25, 2022 On 10/23/2022 at 2:05 AM, gardenmom5 said: The second. He makes more money than her sons-in-law. Possibly as much (or close to) as all three of her sils/husbands combined. (One she has decided she likes. He's blue collar but works hard and supports his family. two of whom she doesn't have fuzzy feelings.) But this was said to a relative's HUSBAND. He was already married to someone else. Like - he shouldn't have chosen who he did. Nah, I don't read it that way at all. She's just wishing he had been in her closer family circle. I would not take that to mean she's saying his wife is awful but I would be annoyed if I was the wife! Hope that makes sense. And it's a really shallow thing to say if the main reason she said it was financial! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 26, 2022 Author Share Posted October 26, 2022 12 hours ago, heartlikealion said: Nah, I don't read it that way at all. She's just wishing he had been in her closer family circle. I would not take that to mean she's saying his wife is awful where do you get that *I* thought that, much less said that? because that's not what I said. It was entirely a commentary on her feelings towards her sons-in-law. (and disrespectful to "the not-her-daughter wife".) but I would be annoyed if I was the wife! Hope that makes sense. And it's a really shallow thing to say if the main reason she said it was financial! who are you saying is shallow? Her - because she thinks two of her sons-in-law are beneath her daughters because they don't make enough money? Her daughters chose them. And yeah - I've heard the comments from her in so many words. - or that it took her awhile to get over her "dissatisfaction" with her now "favorite" son-in-law because he is a blue collar worker? (he rolls his eyes at being called her favorite since he knows her feelings towards the other two) Or me - because I stated that was the reason? I just spent the weekend at her 'favorite' son's-in-law and daughter's house (had a lovely visit.). They're good parents, and they work hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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