Ever lost your ability to cry?

[Teaching3bears]

I used to cry very easily.  Kids happened. Life happened. I realized that crying got in the way of being productive and it was disturbing to others.  Maybe I’m older now and hormones are less pronounced?  Anyways, I am in a situation now where if others see how unhappy I am I think good things will come of it.  I am having trouble communicating this verbally.  I think crying in front of these people will really help.  But I am not doing it.  I do it a tiny bit but then go back to baseline.  Maybe part of the problem is that I have trouble sticking with my own feelings when I am around others.  Part of the problem is the voice telling me to be productive.  How can I get over this and let it out in front of others?

[KeriJ]

I don't have an answer, but sending hugs to you. 

[Pawz4me]

I haven't been able to cry in years, but mine is a physical inability to produce tears. That doesn't sound like the problem you're having?

[Teaching3bears]

1 minute ago, Pawz4me said:

I haven't been able to cry in years, but mine is a physical inability to produce tears. That doesn't sound like the problem you're having?

I think it’s more emotional in my case but it could be both.  What caused your situation? 

[Pawz4me]

1 minute ago, Teaching3bears said:

I think it’s more emotional in my case but it could be both.  What caused your situation? 

Dry eye, I think. I'm hypothyroid and have RA and both of those cause dry eye. I suspect I'm borderline on having Sjojgren's, too.

[catz]

Honestly, I struggle with this too.  I am like way overly empathetic and I just suck up all emotion and negativity and if I started crying everytime this hit it would be a mess.  

I actually recently started journaling again to just help process my feelings, I have found that helpful.  I have been struggling with anxiety since covid started but I definitely haven't always been processing it in healthy ways.

[Spy Car]

5 hours ago, Teaching3bears said:

I used to cry very easily.  Kids happened. Life happened. I realized that crying got in the way of being productive and it was disturbing to others.  Maybe I’m older now and hormones are less pronounced?  Anyways, I am in a situation now where if others see how unhappy I am I think good things will come of it.  I am having trouble communicating this verbally.  I think crying in front of these people will really help.  But I am not doing it.  I do it a tiny bit but then go back to baseline.  Maybe part of the problem is that I have trouble sticking with my own feelings when I am around others.  Part of the problem is the voice telling me to be productive.  How can I get over this and let it out in front of others?

You are such a dear and kind person on this forum, so I just want to send you a virtual hug.

Your story did provoke a memory from reading the novel The Tin Drum by Günter Grass.

In the latter part of the novel, the main character Oskar, who prevented himself from growing up during the Nazi era (by sheer will power), realizes he needs to grow into an adult post-war. Bring a talented drummer, he ends up getting a job in a jazz club where the German patrons, who are so weary that they can no longer cry, come to congregate.

As part of the hospitality, the guests are served a raw onion and a knife, which they slice in order to to regain their ability to weep.

Not that I'm suggesting cutting onions. It was just one of those moments in literature that has suck with me as a very poignant scene after all these years (it has been 40 years since I read the book).

I wish you peace.

Bill

 

 

 

Edited July 13, 2022 by Spy Car

[Indigo Blue]

Just with certain people who have been deeply hurtful. I used to cry buckets and buckets. I have none left for them. I don’t know how to feel about that. 
 

Im sorry you are feeling this way. 

[Brittany1116]

I used to think my emotions were pretty stable because I didn't cry easily even when faced with great grief. Now I think they are somehow blunted and I don't fully express the far ends of the spectrum. Just Sunday I was very moved by someone's story about their child and was all choked up but no tears came. I can count on one hand the number of times I have cried in the last, say, 3 years? And only twice sobbing. 

[fairfarmhand]

Emotional fatigue. I have ended up becoming numb to most emotions when ive been through periods of intense stress. 

[TexasProud]

Yep. Part of it is that I have to function. Example,

As I mentioned earlier, I was in the room when my mom and step-dad had an emotional scene. Recounting it to my sister, she starts bawling. I should cry.  I cannot. But that is because I have a job to do. I couldn't fall apart. We had to schedule scans and get things done. I had to drive them home. I told my therapist I think it is weird that I have no feelings at all about my mom dying. None. Other than, which is absolutely horrible, relief that my duty would be over.  He had no suggestions or comments other than it was good of me to notice that... 

Same thing when I was 12 and my 13yo ex-boyfriend was hit by a drunk driver. I was with his sister and parents when we went to pick him up in the putt putt golf place. I took care of his sister and she asked me to spend the night, which I did. My parents drove his parents home. My job was to comfort her.  I do not remember ever being comforted. Everyone was fixed on his family. 

So yeah, I don't know how to cry anymore UNLESS it is in a movie or tv show. Then I will bawl, though only if I am by myself. Otherwise I keep it together. 

[wintermom]

Yup. Being a mom usually requires me to pull myself together and act like a competent adult. If something really upsetting happens, I may want to feel like falling on the floor and bawling my eyes out, but I don't do it. I might have a quick cry when I'm on my own, but usually not in public. 

To be honest, I don't know whether you crying or not crying in front of others will have any affect on them. Most people are pretty wrapped up in their own inner selves. It would be clearer if you described  to them in words what you are feeling. 

[Melissa Louise]

I cry very rarely. 

It's related to a number of things, including hormones changing, emotional numbness/fatigue and anxiety meds. 

I don't worry about it much. Seems counter-productive to pressure myself about it. When I do cry, it tends to be in moments of extreme stress and tiredness. 

I cried more when I was younger. I think now I'm just guarding my internal resources - crying takes energy. 

I occasionally cry in therapy, but it's not my norm. 

 

[Melissa Louise]

I don't know how you can get over it. Maybe more worthwhile to practice your verbal communication skills? People often find crying as a firm of communication 'manipulative', so I personally have a hard time seeing it as a successful communication strategy. 

[SKL]

I've never wanted to cry, but if anything, I found crying to come more readily after I became a mom.  Like if something was sad in a movie or the like.  I did not like this development at all.

Not sure now ... I think it's been a while since I've cried, but I'm more than OK with that and have no plans to try.

I agree with trying to hone verbal expression over crying, which comes across to some as weakness, to others as manipulative, and to still others as just plain uncomfortable.

[lauraw4321]

My anti-depressants prevent me from crying much. It sometimes is very hard to not be able to cry. 

[Garga]

I went through 3 difficult years and cried, alone, every day. Well, going back to childhood, I had some serious struggles in childhood and I cried every single night from about 10 years old until 17 years old, but only in bed alone. 

I think my husband is the only person to have ever seen me cry, and then only a handful of times. 

I feel much too vulnerable/exposed crying in front of others. I like to go to movies alone because then I can cry in the sad parts. If I’m with a friend, I don’t feel the need to cry as much, or if I do, I suppress it. But if I’m alone, I can let it out in the dark of the theater. (I live in an area where the theaters are empty most of the time, so I’m rarely right near someone when I’m watching a movie.)

I am not sure that I could cry in front of someone even if I wanted to. It’s just so against my grain. 

If you want to cry alone to let out emotions, you could try watching a sad movie. Maybe Manchester by the Sea. I bawled in the theater with that one. Or a movie about a dog dying. 

I don’t find it manipulative when someone cries in front of me if they’re clearly upset, but I know that others do, so it might backfire if you cry in front of the other people. Depends on what their thoughts are on crying.

Edited July 13, 2022 by Garga

[BlsdMama]

5 hours ago, Teaching3bears said:

I used to cry very easily.  Kids happened. Life happened. I realized that crying got in the way of being productive and it was disturbing to others.  Maybe I’m older now and hormones are less pronounced?  Anyways, I am in a situation now where if others see how unhappy I am I think good things will come of it.  I am having trouble communicating this verbally.  I think crying in front of these people will really help.  But I am not doing it.  I do it a tiny bit but then go back to baseline.  Maybe part of the problem is that I have trouble sticking with my own feelings when I am around others.  Part of the problem is the voice telling me to be productive.  How can I get over this and let it out in front of others?

No idea.  I'm the opposite - Never ever used to cry and now I'm waterworks at anything sweet, sad, or sincere. It drives me nuts and I do NOT like having my heart on my sleeve.