Arcadia Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 2 minutes ago, katilac said: Would you have been okay with them just not giving a present? Of course. I have many relatives as my dad is the youngest. Majority didn’t give a present. Those that insisted on giving my kids birthday presents were mostly happy to gift us cash or ToysRUS/supermarket gift cards. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodGrief3 Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 My dad always gave us a cash ( and still does!) It's my favorite, and let us do so many things for the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarita Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 9 hours ago, Amy Gen said: 1. We plan to have our own giant playroom at our house. That way, when grandkids visit, we can play with them and share the toys we love without causing mess at their own homes. I absolutely second this idea. My MIL just happened to do this when the kids were younger. She kept a large train set from when my husband and his brother were younger. She had brought it out for my son to play with and we decided to go with it. She'll now actually tell me toys not to get my kids because those are going to be special toys for her house. My kids totally look forward to going to grandma and grandpa's house for the company and the "special" toys. The mess is one thing but that has made for special memories at grandma and grandpa's house. My kids are 3 and 5 and they love getting clothes and other practical things from my mom. And also if it was special character/theme diaper/pull-up my daughter at 2 would have been excited. I think sometimes the parents framing of the presents is important for little kids. If the parents are excited the kids will go with that feeling. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 2 hours ago, Clarita said: I absolutely second this idea. My MIL just happened to do this when the kids were younger. She kept a large train set from when my husband and his brother were younger. She had brought it out for my son to play with and we decided to go with it. She'll now actually tell me toys not to get my kids because those are going to be special toys for her house. My kids totally look forward to going to grandma and grandpa's house for the company and the "special" toys. The mess is one thing but that has made for special memories at grandma and grandpa's house. My kids are 3 and 5 and they love getting clothes and other practical things from my mom. And also if it was special character/theme diaper/pull-up my daughter at 2 would have been excited. I think sometimes the parents framing of the presents is important for little kids. If the parents are excited the kids will go with that feeling. ITA about the framing. As I said, my MIL never gave any gift except money/investments. It did not ever affect my kids in a negative way. Their birthdays have always been celebrated as a special day and it doesn’t take a shower of toys to create that. We have “the Celebrate Plate” at our house; a special plate that is only used for dessert for the birthday person. (It’s so sweet now to look at 25 years of birthdays, all with that plate turning up!) They get whatever dessert they request and it is almost always homemade. They choose what the dinner will be. And, most years, the birthday kid had several friends over. (One year, I had twelve boys having a nerf battle in my house and yard. I still find a stray dart now and then.) If all that were not enough - though clearly it is - they also get birthday presents from us, their friends and possibly other relatives. What kid notices in a negative way that Grandma Betty “only” gives them a $50 bond, whatever that means? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 3 hours ago, Clarita said: I think sometimes the parents framing of the presents is important for little kids. If the parents are excited the kids will go with that feeling. I definitely agree. There’s so much variation in every family’s dynamics that I don’t think there’s any one way to do that, and I don’t remember any sort of official “coaching” from my own parents. I definitely received a real mix throughout my childhood. One particular set of grandparents would hit it out of the park on some occasions, and I’d be a bit “What were they thinking?” At others. They still remained the most important extended family members I had, because of who they were to me, not because of what they gave me. I also got some cool gifts from relatives who did little to no more than give me gifts. It did nothing for our relationships. I don’t think my youngest two recall ever getting individual, wrapped toys from relatives. It’s always been GCs or group experiences for as long as I think they remember. And since they could talk, they’ve always communicated sincere thanks. (They also do even when dh and I realize we’ve made a swing and a miss!) Maybe I’m just too closely in touch with my mom’s story of a particular Christmas when her parents were quite poor in the 50s, though I wasn’t very little when I heard it. It hasn’t left me since I did, though. Kids absolutely are capable of appreciating the gesture of a gift, regardless of the contents, if that’s the tone that’s set. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 You know what my youngest's favorite gift ever was? Pop up birthday cards. My sister would find the crazy ones with elaborate scenes and music...he adored them. I think he still has some of them. We moved so often we discouraged gifts. It just wasn't possible to keep them all, and some of our locations were remote enough that there may only be 3-4 toys on the shelf at the store. So experiences, or practical things...these were best for us if gifts were given. Eventually we just made a rule when we did b-days of "no gifts, please" outside of nuclear family. Dh and I would pick something out to give, and then birthdays would be celebrated with stories and outings. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 26 minutes ago, HomeAgain said: You know what my youngest's favorite gift ever was? Pop up birthday cards. My sister would find the crazy ones with elaborate scenes and music...he adored them. I think he still has some of them. We moved so often we discouraged gifts. It just wasn't possible to keep them all, and some of our locations were remote enough that there may only be 3-4 toys on the shelf at the store. So experiences, or practical things...these were best for us if gifts were given. Eventually we just made a rule when we did b-days of "no gifts, please" outside of nuclear family. Dh and I would pick something out to give, and then birthdays would be celebrated with stories and outings. Actually, for my youngest’s, first birthday we bought her a pop up singing card for her birthday. She loved it so much! I happened to see the cutest little stuffed dog while buying the card, so she got that, too, but her “main” present was the card. Little ones in homes with lots of toys don’t need more toys, really. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyacinth Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 14 hours ago, Amy Gen said: 2. Gifts of time. My best friend is a single mother of one. I’m a married mother of five. Gift giving was unbalanced because my kids already had a billion toys and she didn’t need to be buying 5 extra gifts every holiday. She started giving them experiences instead such as the year she hosted a costume tea party. We used her good china and silver and ate fancy treats and even the grown ups dressed up. We ended up walking down the street, and delivering tiny pastries to her elderly neighbors, which brightened their day. My kids still love looking at the photos from that day 10 years later. 3. What I remember most about my grandmother was how she would take me to get library books whenever I visited her, and she would let me try on all of her hats and costume jewelry. I would listen to stories on LP while she cooked. I even remember going with her to the salon when she got her hair done, but I don’t remember a single gift, and that is okay. Maybe I’m hormonal, but wow. These memories made me a little weepy (in that joyful way). Thanks for sharing! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 (edited) I don’t think gift giving really matters. My kids have three very different grandparents: 1) grandfather who gives nothing and does not recognize holidays 2) grandmother who gifts items from Christmas wish lists and money for birthdays 3) grandparents who gift $2 bills + crap My kids are closest to the grandparents who put the energy into having a true relationship with them. The quality of the gift giving is not part of that equation. For those who gift money, I like how we handled the money gifts. Grandma #2 gifted $100 + the kids age in years. Kid saved the $100 and spent the other. We called the $100 checks grandma money, and I invested it for the kids for when they were older. It will/has grown to $4k-$5k by the time the kids are in college. We’ve watched the money grow over the years, and it has been a great learning opportunity for the kids. ETA: My kids definitely remember the crap gifts. Not in a mean way, but more of a “grandparent obviously doesn’t know me” way, and those gifts go in the trash. I think a better path is to at least give something the kid would like. Consumable presents are awesome, and for little kids, great gifts are pretty easy. For a 3yo & 2yo, I would gift a bag of balloons and maybe some basic cookie decorating supplies. Blow up the balloons and make cookies together, and it would be a great, fun gift! Edited January 3, 2022 by 2squared 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Splash1 Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 Being overwhelmed with toys when kids were little I understand the sentiment. I think things like experiences, babysitting, one year our parents got together and gave us six months of house cleaning after a new little one arrived. Best gift though maybe not exciting to kids was college funds(or maybe just a savings account) set up and contributed to yearly. Kids are all now 15 and up and those college funds have definitely made getting their education much easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 My mil always gave lots of toys - more than were necessary. But, I want to share with you what she gave that both my ds and his only cousin that they loved the most. She made photo albums for them each year and gave them to them at Christmas (you could do on birthdays). She always took lots of photos (these were back in the days of real cameras) whenever we would go visit them or they would come visit us. She often took the grandkids to the zoo and took lots of photos there or on any outing they did together. She would print out actual prints and put them into photo albums. These were chunky albums - just one pic on each page - where you slid the photos into a sleeve. Then she used labels to print out captions or descriptions for each photo and put them on the outside of the acrylic slide in thingies. She eventually quit when both of them were teens and got too busy with other things, but they are wonderful (albeit a bit bulky/clunky to have in today’s digital world) and ds still loves them in his 20s. I am sure it was labor-intensive and time-consuming to make them back in the day. Now, of course, there is Shutterfly or other book options. So, I might catalog the trip to the zoo by taking lots of photos and then making a Shutterfly book of the outing with captions so they will always have the book as a memento of that outing/day/celebration of their birthday. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 (edited) When my kids were little and it was hard for the folks to know what we really wanted/needed, I used to give them the ideas without their asking. I knew they were going to buy something, so why not plan on it and do my part without being asked? For example, I decided I wanted my kids to try archery at age 8, and I thought my dad would probably enjoy buying an archery set for them, so that was my suggestion. No extra crap in the house, and my folks and my kids were all happy. I mean yeah, I probably expressed frustration at the amount of stuff we had from all the childless "more is more" and "I want to be a favorite auntie" and "buying for little girls is so much fun" people. (And I deserved this from my pre-kid years when I bought for other people's kids.) But expressing frustration is one thing. Not allowing the grandparents to do what feels right them is another. I don't think it's up to me to tell my mom whether or not she's allowed to buy my kids a gift. So I wonder if there's a way to help these young adults make realistic suggestions that are a win-win? I think this is something they should do. (I also disagree that kids won't remember what their grandparents bought them. I remember such things from a pretty young age. Not under 3yo, but definitely back to preschool age.) Edited January 3, 2022 by SKL 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 As an aside, consider giving a membership. Often the costs aren’t much different than a trip, but the family gets a lot more out of it. They can go with you, by themselves, more often… with little, you feel the pressure to see everything on one trip. That’s hard. With a membership, the family goes, sees a bit, has lunch, doesn’t push, g goes home while the kids aren’t burnt out, and it’s lovely. Often memberships also allow for a guest or two. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 I agree with the zoo memberships. My SIL used to do that when my girls were little. The zoo was only open 9-5 except for Saturdays, when it was open 2 or 3 hours later. We used to go many Saturday afternoons, because we were busy doing other things the rest of the time. We'd have maybe 3 hours and we'd see some critters, take time to read about them and talk about the different parts of the world they were from, and spend some time playing on the different fun equipment around the zoo. It was a much better experience when broken into short visits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 For Christmas the last few years my mom gives me a check for me to buy gifts for the grandkids and for DH and I to buy for each other. She expressly says we don't have to spend it ALL on Christmas gifts if we need to say, pay a bill or something, and it doesn't have to be evenly divided (as a 4 yr old has less expensive taste than a 22 yr old, or we may spend nothing on ourselves and use that part of the money to buy the kids gifts from us/santa - basically financing us buying our own gifts which is a gift in itself!). Whatever works for us at the time. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 (edited) Just ask him for clarification about the diapers if you're not sure he was serious. We often get my side of the family asking, "Is there something in particular you guys would like us to buy or to contribute to for the kid's birthday?" If so, then go with that. If they say no, then go with an experience gift or start a savings/investment account for the child to be transferred to the child when they're an adult because you've heard them say they're overwhelmed with toys. Edited January 3, 2022 by HS Mom in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree Frog Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 Please be sure to give $ if you have said you're going to. As a child, I was given bonds for college that went into my parents' accounts so "they would be worth more later," but disappeared when my parents divorced. We asked for cash to put in our kids' college accounts instead of big gifts. One grandparent said she would be glad to, but she still wanted to give something small for the child to open. What actually happened was the much smaller gift and no $ for savings. I was asked to remind, but reminding didn't frequently work and I felt incredibly awkward reminding her. I don't think it was an intentional slight, but rather that she just forgot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BusyMom5 Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 I would get diapers for a baby or 1 year old, but for 2 and 3, I'd get a book or two- something they can open- along with the diapers. Another possibility is matching clothes for pictures - those were always so $$ when my kids were little, but I loved coordinating them sometimes. Even matching Jammie are fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zinnia2 Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 I had 4 kids in 6 years, and a couple of them were super overwhelmed by presents. One of them is still terrible at receiving gifts, and he is 15. I have always worked hard on being grateful and letting my parents speak their love languages, but it made me stabby for many years when I had to force him to open gifts and act appropriately. It just made me feel like his needs and mine as his parent weren't respected. Honestly, I still struggle with why it is more important to honor the desires of the person who "just loves giving presents" more than the recipient. But we do it. Because I'm trying. 🙂 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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