Mrs Tiggywinkle Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 (edited) Update: I took all of your advice and sent a very non judgemental FYI text to my sister. Turns it she was not aware DN was posting TikToks or sneaking out and plastering it on TikTok. She says that DN has bypassed every control she’s put on the phone. However, while going through DN’s phone, my sister discovered that my niece and nephew, along with my 11 and 9 year old, have started an unauthorized YouTube channel after I had explicitly said my kids needed to wait so I could set up the controls and make it private. So there’s a couple unhappy cousins in the family today. Edited December 5, 2021 by Mrs Tiggywinkle 4 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneezyone Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 (edited) I would say something to my sister but sans judgment, more along the lines of…hey? Have you seen Xs SM lately? I dunno if everything she’s saying is accurate as kids can say things just for attention but, if it’s accurate, seems concerning. My sibling and I have a good relationship tho. If you’re connected to your niece/close, I’d reach out to her directly. My sister has the ability to do that with both of my kids but she’d also give me a heads up…hey I saw something on SM that concerned me. I talked to X about it but just wanted you to know. I could be overreacting. My kiddo was tagged as ‘sneaking out’ at that age but she was actually looking for the dog that ran when let out for a potty break. She, in her 13yo wisdom, thought calling a neighborhood friend to help with the search instead of waking mom/dad was a better option. It was a whole fiasco. 🤷🏽♀️ Edited December 5, 2021 by Sneezyone 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 I would say something; sort of "some of what niece posts on tiktok looks potentially concerning to me. Maybe you are keeping tabs on it already but I thought I'd mention it just in case." 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 (edited) I would definitely say something. Non-judgmental (for all you know, she might be aware), but more along the lines of "hey, I saw this and was concerned, just wanted to make sure it's in your radar". If a 12 y/o leaves the house in the middle of the night, mom needs to know. What she does with that information is up to her. Edited December 5, 2021 by regentrude 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 I wouldn't necessarily go into details or a bunch of whys and hows, but a link to the sneaking out video and a "came across this, just thought you should know if you didn't already", then dropping the subject text message would be adequate. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam in CT Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 Somewhere in the range of these responses... 36 minutes ago, Sneezyone said: I would say something to my sister but sans judgment, more along the lines of…hey? Have you seen Xs SM lately? I dunno if everything she’s saying is accurate as kids can say things just for attention but, if it’s accurate, seems concerning. My sibling and I have a good relationship tho. If you’re connected to your niece/close, I’d reach out to her directly. My sister has the ability to do that with both of my kids but she’d also give me a heads up…hey I saw something on SM that concerned me. I talked to X about it but just wanted you to know. I could be overreacting.... 31 minutes ago, maize said: I would say something; sort of "some of what niece posts on tiktok looks potentially concerning to me. Maybe you are keeping tabs on it already but I thought I'd mention it just in case." ... is where I'd come out. I've aged out of that particular parenting stage, b"h, but when we were in it my SIL and I both kept an eye on one another's kids' SM. I once sent a mild PM to one of my nephews, keep in mind that if your life goes as you say you want it to, one day you'll be up for a Senate confirmation and this will be out there. He never responded to me but it came down within minutes. I expect SIL did the same for at least one of mine. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 If you're going to say something (and I think you should), definitely say it to the mom and not your niece. I'd be super ticked if I found out my sister was discussing things like this privately with my daughter without me knowing about it. You're a good aunt to be concerned. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 Even if she’s a permissive parent, someone needs to explain to the kid that “Daddy” is a fetish word & should not be said in that context online. And mom needs to know she’s sneaking out, because that’s often a route to abuse and trafficking (and I mean the real kind, not the 40 year old being kidnapped at Walmart to be sold overseas lies designed to scare people on social media). I don’t know of any kids who were routinely sneaking out at that age who hadn’t been raped before the age of 16. Even if they thought they were consenting, when the men were in their 20’s, they couldn’t. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 1 hour ago, maize said: I would say something; sort of "some of what niece posts on tiktok looks potentially concerning to me. Maybe you are keeping tabs on it already but I thought I'd mention it just in case." Yes, I would do this too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
footballmom Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 “Hey, sis, I wanted to share something with you - you may have already seen this this, but dn posted a couple of videos this weekend about sneaking out and needing a daddy. I’d want you to tell me if you saw my kids post along these lines so thought I should mention. XOXO, Mrs. Tiggywinkle” No judgement, etc. She may not appreciate the messenger and she may not say thanks. But I would feel a responsibility to say something. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 I would want to know. My dd did this for our dn and my dd was thanked for doing so. DD also let the mom of the kids she babysits for that her 7 year old daughter was posting Tiktoks with cuss words and offensive language. The kindergartener also has a tiktok account! Both times, the parent was receptive as the message was simple - "I think you would want to know" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 I'd just give her a heads up without assigning value to what you've seen. Hey, you might want to look at it. You have no way of knowing if the kid is just lying for attention or actually doing said things or how much Mom already knows. And just because a kid does something doesn't mean the parents are ok with it or happy about it. 2 hours ago, fraidycat said: I wouldn't necessarily go into details or a bunch of whys and hows, but a link to the sneaking out video and a "came across this, just thought you should know if you didn't already", then dropping the subject text message would be adequate. I think this response is informative enough without being judgy. --------------- This is a sore subject for me. MIL told me that someone told her that my daughter(14) posted pics and that I needed to make her take them down. She was in a bikini. Did I tell dd to take it down? No. I did tell her what people were saying. We've had numerous conversations about women's dress and societal views on it. After a bit she decided to take it down on her own. We've discussed that people seem to think they have the right to judge based on what you are wearing. I noticed that she went through a phase of wearing clothes a bit more revealing than I'd like and she's pulled back from that. She had some rough emotional times and posted some about that (thank goodness no details or nitty gritty). We talked about that as well, IRT to people's perception, future jobs etc. Her SM is now pretty empty. She just uses it mostly to communicate with her friends. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Tiggywinkle Posted December 5, 2021 Author Share Posted December 5, 2021 Update: I took all of your advice and sent a very non judgemental FYI text to my sister. Turns it she was not aware DN was posting TikToks or sneaking out and plastering it on TikTok. She says that DN has bypassed every control she’s put on the phone. However, while going through DN’s phone, my sister discovered that my niece and nephew, along with my 11 and 9 year old, have started an unauthorized YouTube channel after I had explicitly said my kids needed to wait so I could set up the controls and make it private. So there’s a couple unhappy cousins in the family today. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 I'm glad you reached out and that she reciprocated the favor when she found your kids' stuff, too. It really does take a village! 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
footballmom Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 What a great lesson for the kids that the adults are checked in / talking / monitoring / working as a team! 14 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneezyone Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 3 hours ago, footballmom said: What a great lesson for the kids that the adults are checked in / talking / monitoring / working as a team! Yup. A *healthy* village is invaluable. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ditto Posted December 5, 2021 Share Posted December 5, 2021 (edited) I'm glad you said something and that she investigated further. I hope all the kids learn from this and fly straight in the future. Edit: Raising kids is not for the faint of heart or for wimps. Edited December 5, 2021 by Ditto 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BusyMom5 Posted December 6, 2021 Share Posted December 6, 2021 So glad you spoke up! Kids just do not comprehend the danger in posting stuff like that! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted December 6, 2021 Share Posted December 6, 2021 Yes, around here there have been a number of cases where much older men have taken young girls away, Most of them snuck out. I am glad you told her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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