Everyone's moving :-(

[Not_a_Number]

I'm kind of freaking out around here 😞 . We've had so many changes recently, and the pandemic, and everything, and almost all of DD9's friends are moving away... homeschoolers can be so unmoored. 

I just found out another friend is moving far away, when I thought they were going to be in driving distance. It's all really hard.

Anyone else have a lot of pandemic-related and homeschooling-related instability and can empathize? 

[fairfarmhand]

Aww, I’m sorry. We live near a military base and for awhile I forbade my kids to make friends with the army families. (Not really but it hurt so bad when so many people moved)

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, fairfarmhand said:

Aww, I’m sorry. We live near a military base and for awhile I forbade my kids to make friends with the army families. (Not really but it hurt so bad when so many people moved)

I know, right? 😞 

I don't think these folks would have necessarily moved without the pandemic. Like, yes, they had mused about it, but before the pandemic there was a lot of inertia keeping them here. Now all the inertia is gone and all the fun parts of being in a big city are gone and there's no school spot to keep and apartments are a pain in a pandemic... so everyone is leaving 😕 . 

I started a hybrid virtual/in-person co-op back in May, and that's definitely something that is keeping us afloat here -- there's a lot of excitement about the new friends, some of which we've thankfully had the chance to get to know over the summer. (The old friends USED to be part of the co-op, lol. But now they've moved!) 

And we also don't even know what we're doing next year, since we don't know if we're sending DD9 to school or not. So... it's an incredible amount of instability on top of the pandemic, which already does not help stability. 

Also, we just moved and we still have tons of unpacked boxes and very little furniture. 

Basically, everything feels cruddy and I want to crawl in a hole and stay there 😕 . 

[fairfarmhand]

1 minute ago, Not_a_Number said:

I know, right? 😞 

I don't think these folks would have necessarily moved without the pandemic. Like, yes, they had mused about it, but before the pandemic there was a lot of inertia keeping them here. Now all the inertia is gone and all the fun parts of being in a big city are gone and there's no school spot to keep and apartments are a pain in a pandemic... so everyone is leaving 😕 . 

I started a hybrid virtual/in-person co-op back in May, and that's definitely something that is keeping us afloat here -- there's a lot of excitement about the new friends, some of which we've thankfully had the chance to get to know over the summer. (The old friends USED to be part of the co-op, lol. But now they've moved!) 

And we also don't even know what we're doing next year, since we don't know if we're sending DD9 to school or not. So... it's an incredible amount of instability on top of the pandemic, which already does not help stability. 

Also, we just moved and we still have tons of unpacked boxes and very little furniture. 

Basically, everything feels cruddy and I want to crawl in a hole and stay there 😕 . 

Oh I hate time periods like that. 

I'm someone who really likes having a long term plan. Of course, life does change, but I like having at least a foggy idea of what the next 9-12 months will be like. 

I hope the uncertainty passes soon, and you can make a few plans so that you have something to look forward to.

[EmilyGF]

It's been pretty bad here, too (another large city). Our homeschool group disbanded some core families moved away. We've had to start over with homeschool friends (and we're going the route of non-homeschool friends). I'd like to have a support group, which a good co-op of moms with similar schooling philosophy provides, but now I don't. And, frankly, it has made a lot of things a lot trickier and less rewarding.

A friend put it this way: a lot of people had been living in not-so-great situations for a while, but were too overwhelmed to think about what to do next. The pandemic gave them time to think and now we're seeing them make the changes.

Things that have come of this: I've made friends with the coolest 70+-year-old OB with 5 kids who lives down the block, I've gotten to know a lady my age who has a baby and works in finance who lives around the corner from me (we only hang out on weekends), we've started hanging out with a family that has puppies, dd13 walks a dog 4x/week and helps younger kids learn violin, ds9 sometimes helps with the younger karate class. None of those things involve homeschoolers, but are very much moored in our neighborhood. I've started volunteering with a local non-profit.

Emily

ETA: the 70+ OB's kids are my age

Edited October 4, 2021 by EmilyGF

[maize]

It's been a very disrupted and disruptive year-and-a-half for sure.

Hopefully your family's life will begin to feel a bit more stable again soon. Having friends move away--or being the friend who moves away--can certainly be hard.

[fraidycat]

We haven't experienced anything like that pandemic-wise, but as a military family who have finally just bought a house and settled down after way too many moves, I can empathize with the saying good-bye part. It's hard. I'm sorry. I hope things start to stabilize for you soon.

[Not_a_Number]

3 minutes ago, EmilyGF said:

A friend put it this way: a lot of people had been living in not-so-great situations for a while, but were too overwhelmed to think about what to do next. The pandemic gave them time to think and now we're seeing them make the changes.

I actually am not even sure it's that wise. It's more like the grass looks a lot greener elsewhere when everything in the city is shut down... but is it really greener?? Will it STAY greener? 

One of our friends who moved had to go to school cause they couldn't find any other homeschoolers in their district 😕 . I don't think that's what they wanted. 

[Not_a_Number]

7 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

I'm someone who really likes having a long term plan. Of course, life does change, but I like having at least a foggy idea of what the next 9-12 months will be like. 

Same here. And I've already done SO MUCH adjusting for everyone else's mental health in this pandemic. 

Like, last year, we spent the whole time in an AirBnB down the road from the kids' grandparents. That was awesome for my kids. It really helped keep them happy and enjoying the year. And I ran online classes so DD9 could see her friends. 

And in the spring, I started this new co-op, and I'm currently VERY happy I did, because it really gives the kids something to look forward to. 

But darn it, I really want to know how life is going to be 😞. 

Edited October 4, 2021 by Not_a_Number

[JustEm]

I can relate, not to friends moving away, but certainly instability.  For us the issues arise from most of our home schooling friends are anti-vax and anti-mask.  It sucks because other than cousins my kids didn't have many friends outside of that community.  And we just have zero interest in being around them any time soon.  For dh and I we have a great friend group outside of that community but all of their kids are adults or close to adults so not peers with my kids. So, we aren't struggling but the kids are.  

[Not_a_Number]

2 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

I can relate, not to friends moving away, but certainly instability.  For us the issues arise from most of our home schooling friends are anti-vax and anti-mask.  It sucks because other than cousins my kids didn't have many friends outside of that community.  And we just have zero interest in being around them any time soon.  For dh and I we have a great friend group outside of that community but all of their kids are adults or close to adults so not peers with my kids. So, we aren't struggling but the kids are.  

Oh, that must be so hard for your kids 😞 . 

[EmilyGF]

11 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

I actually am not even sure it's that wise. It's more like the grass looks a lot greener elsewhere when everything in the city is shut down... but is it really greener?? Will it STAY greener? 

One of our friends who moved had to go to school cause they couldn't find any other homeschoolers in their district 😕 . I don't think that's what they wanted. 

Yes, I don't know if you saw my other post, but in the city, it sure feels like all the good has been cut off (restaurants, outings, events) while the bad has been amplified (crime, distrust). I expect this winter will be pretty closed again, and it is getting long.

OTOH, prices are going up a lot where I live, so who knows? There must be people who feel more hopeful! 

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, EmilyGF said:

Yes, I don't know if you saw my other post, but in the city, it sure feels like all the good has been cut off (restaurants, outings, events) while the bad has been amplified (crime, distrust). I expect this winter will be pretty closed again, and it is getting long.

OTOH, prices are going up a lot where I live, so who knows? There must be people who feel more hopeful! 

We definitely saw prices going up around here, too. We managed to buy at the bottom of the market, though, so that's a real positive 😉 . 

I know that once all my kids are vaxxed, we're going back to our usual activities. We'll get boosters as needed and enjoy the city, because that seems like it'll be the best we can do. 

Edited October 4, 2021 by Not_a_Number

[EmilyGF]

18 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

I actually am not even sure it's that wise. It's more like the grass looks a lot greener elsewhere when everything in the city is shut down... but is it really greener?? Will it STAY greener? 

One of our friends who moved had to go to school cause they couldn't find any other homeschoolers in their district 😕 . I don't think that's what they wanted. 

Two of the families who moved had been talking about moving for years, and I do think it was the best for them. Another family was dealing with mental health issues that were exacerbated by the increased rates of crime. So, for those, I do think it was a good decision.

Emily

[SoCal_Bear]

There are a lot of movement where I am. It was happening during the 18 months. Really started picking up now that CA has vax mandate for students going into effect the school term after FDA approval is received. Locally, it was already happening because the big school districts in Southern California adopted vax mandate. 

I am also in the middle of starting a new homeschooling community hosted at my church. This is acually something a fair number of people I know are looking forward to because we will be decidedly apolitical, and I coined a phrase for our group to use for our group to use: mask welcoming. I don't know of any Christian homeschooling groups in my area that didn't make a decided shift towards being politically conservative.

Edited October 4, 2021 by calbear

[rainbird2]

We would love to move out of our rural area (opposite of what's happening around you), but we can't just yet.  I hate being here, honestly.  My kids have a Saturday extracurricular in a big city that requires all of the teachers, staff, student 12+ to be fully vaccinated.  Everyone also has to wear masks.  Every Saturday we are delighted to drive hours to the city so the kids can learn in a safe environment.  Everyone at the school is in agreement to do what is best for the kids.  They go to their classes, go to restaurants, and attend vaxx only concerts with their peers.  We love being there.  Then we drive back to rural life only to see our neighbor with Covid walking around the grocery store, with no mask on, looking for medicine. 

Our homeschool group also decided to shift towards (extremely) politically conservative, so we lost that group and all of those friends.  We have been in the same group for 10 years, so it's been really hard on my kids.  Being a BIPOC family, my kids were so hurt by some of their new policies.  We thought these people cared about us, but their political leaders have told them to think and do otherwise.

I used to love rural life but now I absolutely hate being here.  We lost everyone but we are stuck and can't move.  Not the exact same scenario, but similar.

Edited October 4, 2021 by rainbird2
added the last sentence to address the OP

[Terabith]

To be honest, the many advantages of living in a giant city would be significantly less during a pandemic.  I can kinda understand people moving to where housing is cheaper?

But, it would super duper suck for kids.  And parents losing friends, too, really.

Edited October 4, 2021 by Terabith

[Not_a_Number]

49 minutes ago, Terabith said:

To be honest, the many advantages of living in a giant city would be significantly less during a pandemic.  I can kinda understand people moving to where housing is cheaper?

But, it would super duper suck for kids.  And parents losing friends, too, really.

I kinda get it, although it also seems like an extreme reaction to a hopefully temporary problem. Like, I don't think I'd move somewhere where the homeschooling community is small, you know? 

[kbutton]

Yeah, we lost just about everything social. People don't want to be careful here. Additionally, we lost tutors and a music teacher to other circumstances. Our casual one morning per week co-op hasn't returned, but I am actually relieved about that--I think they are continuing to delay because it's a mix of people who will want masks and those who will refuse. I suspect they've decided to just not open again until everyone can be vaccinated and/or masks are no longer something cautious people do routinely in order to keep the peace (they are re-evaluating each semester).

Most people we know lurched more conservative as well after leaning that way. We're conservative in the more traditional sense, but not in the current sense. 

[Not_a_Number]

I did just have a conversation with DD9 where she expressed a LOT of enthusiasm about our new co-op, so I do feel like patting myself on the back here 😉 . It took quite a lot of foresight to realize back in the spring that the fall was likely to be bumpy and that having virtual/outdoor options that I planned myself was going to be a stellar idea. Because otherwise, we'd have the uncomfortable trade-off of either fully locking down again or doing things we felt queasy about, COVID-wise... 

[Ausmumof3]

One of Dds good friends is moving churches.  I don’t blame them because it’s taken a definite swing toward the conservative and less friendly model but there’s too much else going on to deal with changing that as well.  To be honest I’m having moments of wanting to put them in school just for the social thing.  Most homeschoolers close to us aren’t much into academics.  We did a lot of sports etc for years but the budget is really tight now.

[Not_a_Number]

6 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said:

To be honest I’m having moments of wanting to put them in school just for the social thing.  

I know, right?? We used to have a really robust social life homeschooling 😕 . It got a whole lot harder... 

[KungFuPanda]

Yikes. It looks like suburban living is the sweet spot for riding out a pandemic.  We have plenty of space in the house and enough gardening and walking paths to entertain us outside, but we’re still urban enough that there is social pressure to mask responsibly and quality medical care should we need it. 

[Not_a_Number]

2 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

Yikes. It looks like suburban living is the sweet spot for riding out a pandemic.  We have plenty of space in the house and enough gardening and walking paths to entertain us outside, but we’re still urban enough that there is social pressure to mask responsibly and quality medical care should we need it. 

That's what we did last year, lol -- stayed in the suburbs of Boston near DH's parents. It really was the sweet spot. 

Edited October 4, 2021 by Not_a_Number

[SoCal_Bear]

1 hour ago, kbutton said:

Most people we know lurched more conservative as well after leaning that way. We're conservative in the more traditional sense, but not in the current sense. 

I so feel you on this. I'm looking and thinking I don't recognize what I am seeing at all.

 

Edited October 4, 2021 by calbear

[Not_a_Number]

3 minutes ago, calbear said:

I so feel you on this. I'm looking and thinking I don't recognize what I am seeing at all.

I think the sad reality is that people are more affected by social pressure than by moral pressure 😕 . 

[Porridge]

3 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

I'm kind of freaking out around here 😞 . We've had so many changes recently, and the pandemic, and everything, and almost all of DD9's friends are moving away... homeschoolers can be so unmoored. 

I just found out another friend is moving far away, when I thought they were going to be in driving distance. It's all really hard.

Anyone else have a lot of pandemic-related and homeschooling-related instability and can empathize? 

Yes this has happened to us time and time again over the past decade. It is so very hard. Each time you brush yourself off and try again. I’m sorry you are going through this. This is one of the reasons one of mine will be going to school. On the positive side, new horizons to explore!

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, WTM said:

Yes this has happened to us time and time again over the past decade. It is so very hard. Each time you brush yourself off and try again. I’m sorry you are going through this. This is one of the reasons one of mine will be going to school. On the positive side, new horizons to explore!

Is it your daughter who's going? 

[Amira]

Not pandemic related, but normal expat life here, although this time is different since I’m always the one moving away so I’m not used to being the one who stays behind.  I just sent off another dear friend two days ago.  His wife left nearly two months ago and I feel like the goodbyes lasted forever.  Other friends moved to Turkey, Jamaica, Indonesia, and the US this summer.  And another friend is in Austria for three months having a baby.  And dh isn’t here for who knows how long.  So yeah, I’ve been feeling this.  The hard part for me is that I never know when or even if I’ll see most of these people again.  We’ve made unusually strong friendships here and I hope we get a chance someday to be together again, but it’s hard to do that since we quite literally live all over the world.

[Spryte]

3 hours ago, hjffkj said:

I can relate, not to friends moving away, but certainly instability.  For us the issues arise from most of our home schooling friends are anti-vax and anti-mask.  It sucks because other than cousins my kids didn't have many friends outside of that community.  And we just have zero interest in being around them any time soon.  For dh and I we have a great friend group outside of that community but all of their kids are adults or close to adults so not peers with my kids. So, we aren't struggling but the kids are.  

We must be twins. Except our kids’ “cousins” aren’t actually related, just our sort of sister-family, so they’ve known each other since toddlerhood and feel more like relatives than just friends. Everyone else we knew locally took an anti-mask, anti-vax turn. 

[The Governess]

5 hours ago, calbear said:

There are a lot of movement where I am. It was happening during the 18 months. Really started picking up now that CA has vax mandate for students going into effect the school term after FDA approval is received. Locally, it was already happening because the big school districts in Southern California adopted vax mandate. 

I am also in the middle of starting a new homeschooling community hosted at my church. This is acually something a fair number of people I know are looking forward to because we will be decidedly apolitical, and I coined a phrase for our group to use for our group to use: mask welcoming. I don't know of any Christian homeschooling groups in my area that didn't make a decided shift towards being politically conservative.

I’m in CA too. Friends have been slowly leaving CA for the last decade due to housing prices and in some cases politics. Since Covid hit, many of our homeschooling friends (all conservative) have moved to states like Tennessee and Texas. It’s been sort of a mass exodus. I’m sure more will leave due to the vaccine mandates. It kind of feels like we are starting over socially, which really isn’t all bad. My youngest is in public high school now and has made a lot of friends since going back in person. I’m grateful.

[Faith-manor]

We saw an influx of folks into our area from the Detroit region if one of the parents had a solid work remote situation that was going to be permanent or if the main source of income was willing to commute. Much of this was because the other parent had quit work to supervise children in online school, to be the one to stay home with the endless rounds of quarantines due to school exposures, because about 33% of daycares/after school care slots were permanently lost in Michigan during the pandemic, because a parent has long covid, etc. These families moved because the cost of housing is much lower making it is easier to survive on a single paycheck. 

But, this has not come close to balancing out the loss of families in the last ten years. The schools stink, and there is very little for kids here. We have the world's greatest idiots for county commissioners so if any decision can be made that will cause young people and parents with children leave, these jerks jump on that!

I do know that the three homeschool groups in the area fell apart during the pandemic, and are not re-forming. A lot of it was because of division among the parents between let er rip folks and covid cautious folks. These relationships have been permanently severed so I can only imagine how hard this is for the families involved, how many friends the children have lost.

OP, I am very sorry this has happened! Many hugs.

[Murphy101]

I don’t know how anyone can afford to move?!

Dh finally got one tentative job offer. In Boise. For approx same $ as his previous job here. The COL there is insanely higher compared to here. Idk how people can move under those conditions. Is everyone moving to the 5 lowest col states or what?

 

[fairfarmhand]

2 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

I don’t know how anyone can afford to move?!

Dh finally got one tentative job offer. In Boise. For approx same $ as his previous job here. The COL there is insanely higher compared to here. Idk how people can move under those conditions. Is everyone moving to the 5 lowest col states or what?

 

I think they're coming to Tennessee. 

I get it but it is frustrating that long time residents can't outbid the people who sold their homes in high COL states. Nothing to be done for it, I guess. My dd and her dh will probably not be able to buy a home for quite awhile.

[Xahm]

My uncle in Tallahassee was talking about how tons of people are moving from New York down there. He ascribed it to political issues, but I think cost of living is a bigger factor (besides the fact that New Yorkers moving to Florida has been a stereotype for as long as I can remember.)

We have a problem where any family with kids on our street seem to move as soon as the kids get big enough to play. They reach have good reasons that don't have anything to do with us, but it is starting to feel like we just be doing something wrong. Meanwhile, old people keep moving into these 4 bedrooms on the second story houses. They were clearly made for families, but young families can't afford to move in.

[Porridge]

13 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

Is it your daughter who's going? 

Yes - not sure whether to local PS or private school. We haven’t figured things out for DS, whether to keep him home or send him as well

[Not_a_Number]

2 minutes ago, WTM said:

Yes - not sure whether to local PS or private school. We haven’t figured things out for DS, whether to keep him home or send him as well

Makes sense! How does she feel about that?