Self-Care and Dealing With Stress with no time

[Condessa]

It came to my attention today that I have not been honest with myself about how I am handling things.  I have gone from averaging 2-3 hours a night of sleep to usually 5-6, and I have gotten past the point where I could not slow down and relax ever without breaking down, so things have improved quite a bit.  But that doesn’t mean I’m okay.  I thought I could handle it, just keep on trudging through it all one step at a time.  I finally brought myself to voice a (totally irrational) fear to my husband this morning, and nearly hyperventilated.  I have never experienced that before.  I don’t think my control methods of diverting my brain onto something mindless and just checking out is healthy.  On the other hand, I know it’s not healthy to be hyperventilating or have my blood pressure skyrocketing.  I feel guilty for feeling checked out with the family so much lately, when I want to be cherishing every moment I get with them.  I think it would be a good idea to see a counselor or therapist, and I have no opposition to talking to someone, but the idea of adding another appointment to the load sounds horrendously overwhelming.  I am nineteen weeks pregnant and my blood pressure is already high, when it is still supposed to be lower than average at this stage.  I don’t know what to do about the stress, though.  There’s only so much that healthy diet and lifestyle can do to combat life events.

[Melissa in Australia]

Hugs

Congratulations on the pregnancy 

[Catwoman]

Congratulations on your pregnancy — I wish you could enjoy it instead of being so stressed. I don’t have any advice for you, but I will send lots of hugs and prayers to you and the baby. 

[itsheresomewhere]

Take a look at your shower/bath time.
I started doing self care in my shower time.  It has helped more with stress than I was thought. I make sure I have two shower gels or soap ( one for relaxing and one for uplifting whatever I need for the mood), take time to pamper my skin, a fluffy scrubber or washcloth, and a waterproof speaker ( books or music depending on the mood).  Those 20 minutes really give me the self care I need when there is no time left to take for myself.  Exercise is my other outlet.  YouTube has some wonderful videos especially for the 15 minutes is all I have days. 

Edited July 7, 2021 by itsheresomewhere

[Melissa Louise]

Daily walking can help combat hpb.

Guided meditations can help provide some respite from stress.

I find a gratitude app helpful too (Presently).

 

[PeterPan]

When I feel the way you do, I need to take a prescription med. Googlefu says buspar is relatively safe during pregnancy. So maybe talk with your MD about some safe options. 

Also B6 can have a part. I take the form P5P.

But for me, no talking or strategies or whatever gets it down, not when it's to that point. Needs a med or upping a vitamin that is low. 

[prairiewindmomma]

Girl, therapy. Seriously. As one former ped-onc parent to another, therapy. You need someone you can openly talk to because everyone in your sphere is already stressed to the max. Do it virtually from your car in the driveway if you can’t handle another appointment.

You are going through a traumatic experience and sometimes when you aren’t in ultra-crisis mode, your body sends a bit through for processing. It’s super common to fall apart when things get a bit better or calmer/status quo.
 

 

[Garga]

The 6 hours of sleep might still not be enough. Why are you not getting 8 or so hours of sleep? Is it that you can’t settle your mind? That you have commitments that take up your time?

Humans were either created or evolved to need 7.5-9.5 hours of sleep a night. It’s a big deal biologically when you don’t get the amount you were designed/evolved to need. It takes a giant toll, physically and emotionally.  

If there’s any way to get more sleep, that’s where I’d start. Without enough sleep, other solutions are going to be bandaid fixes at best.

[Condessa]

11 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

When I feel the way you do, I need to take a prescription med. Googlefu says buspar is relatively safe during pregnancy. So maybe talk with your MD about some safe options. 

Also B6 can have a part. I take the form P5P.

But for me, no talking or strategies or whatever gets it down, not when it's to that point. Needs a med or upping a vitamin that is low. 

I’m not willing to try meds while pregnant, but will keep it in mind for later if necessary.  And check vitamin B levels in my prenatal vitamin.

[Condessa]

12 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Girl, therapy. Seriously. As one former ped-onc parent to another, therapy. You need someone you can openly talk to because everyone in your sphere is already stressed to the max. Do it virtually from your car in the driveway if you can’t handle another appointment.

You are going through a traumatic experience and sometimes when you aren’t in ultra-crisis mode, your body sends a bit through for processing. It’s super common to fall apart when things get a bit better or calmer/status quo.
 

How does one go about finding a good telehealth therapist that can practice in your area?  Most of our healthcare is through a system just over the state border from us, and their providers are not allowed to do telehealth appointments with out-of-state patients.  I have had horrible experiences with my foster girls at the one location in town that provides mental health services and am not interested in working with them again.  We are hours from civilization on our side of the state boundary.  Should I just call offices in our state capital?

Telehealth complicated by me being hard-of-hearing, but it’s still is probably better than not.

[Rosie_0801]

15 minutes ago, Condessa said:

Telehealth complicated by me being hard-of-hearing, but it’s still is probably better than not.

There are no TTY services?
I don't know how tech has evolved, but in these situations, the hard of hearing used to be able to use a TTY program through the computer if they didn't have an actual TTY machine.

[Condessa]

1 hour ago, itsheresomewhere said:

Take a look at your shower/bath time.
I started doing self care in my shower time.  It has helped more with stress than I was thought. I make sure I have two shower gels or soap ( one for relaxing and one for uplifting whatever I need for the mood), take time to pamper my skin, a fluffy scrubber or washcloth, and a waterproof speaker ( books or music depending on the mood).  Those 20 minutes really give me the self care I need when there is no time left to take for myself.  Exercise is my other outlet.  YouTube has some wonderful videos especially for the 15 minutes is all I have days. 

This sounds nice.  I will try it.

28 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Daily walking can help combat hpb.

Guided meditations can help provide some respite from stress.

I find a gratitude app helpful too (Presently).

I keep trying to get up the gumption to go walking, but have been deterred by the insane heat we’ve been having.  Need to get out early anyway, at least a little.

Meditation, or anything that clears my mind from distraction, has me feeling like I’m being crushed under the pressure of my worries.

18 minutes ago, Garga said:

The 6 hours of sleep might still not be enough. Why are you not getting 8 or so hours of sleep? Is it that you can’t settle your mind? That you have commitments that take up your time?

Humans were either created or evolved to need 7.5-9.5 hours of sleep a night. It’s a big deal biologically when you don’t get the amount you were designed/evolved to need. It takes a giant toll, physically and emotionally.  

If there’s any way to get more sleep, that’s where I’d start. Without enough sleep, other solutions are going to be bandaid fixes at best.

Once I wake up I usually don’t fall back to sleep.  If a kid has a nightmare, or gets up to use the bathroom, or dh’s cpap mask slips and he snores a little, and I hear it, I usually cannot sleep again once I‘ve had any rest.  But six hours was my normal sleep before all this, just to manage the routine for a household of ten (we had four foster kids).

[prairiewindmomma]

Talk to child life. They should have a list of providers used to working with ped-onc situations which is it’s own niche area (anxiety and grief and trauma) as opposed to mental illness. We had to drive across state lines also to get to the ped hospital and they are used to dealing with this particular issue. They had lists for the feeder communities to that hospital on both sides of the line.

Another option is to, on infusion days, just schedule it for while you are on the correct side of the state line. During infusions and during hospitalizations child life often had a volunteer or child life worker sit in for 30 min with my kid in the playroom while I did other things (showered, laundry, therapy). I had my nursing baby with me for all of that—couldn’t leave the baby, obviously, but if a kid is in-patient or out-patient, there can be flexibility. 
 

TTY is an option, as are apps like Otter.ai which can provide AI captioning to Zoom or Google calls. I have done zoom calls with captioning and it is ok. It’s also super easy to do lip reading since you can do speaker view. 

[Condessa]

9 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

There are no TTY services?
I don't know how tech has evolved, but in these situations, the hard of hearing used to be able to use a TTY program through the computer if they didn't have an actual TTY machine.

I assume there are, I just have never used any services for my hearing.  I learned to lip read as a kid, and usually manage phone conversations by putting it on speaker phone up to my ear and asking them to repeat themselves as necessary.  Video calls are a little better, but the sound is always slightly off which makes lip reading more difficult.  It works fine for normal stuff, but makes sensitive conversations harder.

[prairiewindmomma]

Otter basic is free, up to 600 minutes a month.

https://otter.ai/pricing 
 

 

[Condessa]

2 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Otter basic is free, up to 600 minutes a month.

https://otter.ai/pricing 
 

Thank you.

[mommyoffive]

Can you find somewhere else in the house to sleep?  Have dh on duty for kids and not you if they wake up?  You need some sleep. 

I think you have to figure out what works for you too.  Does getting out of the house by yourself to walk make you feel better?  Or to do something else?  Is it better if you stay home and your dh takes the kids for a few hours and you have the silent house? 

Can you take  naps?  Have all the kids have downtime for a few hours a day and sleep? 

When I am not sleeping everything can make me totally crazy and breakdown and cry over nothing.  I am just not logical at that point.  You need rest.  

Can you take a mom vacation and just focus on your for 3 days?  Sleep.  Schedule time to talk to a therapist during that time.  Read.  Whatever floats your boat.

Would off loading anything help?  Can the kids do some things?  Can you hire help for anything that would take stress off you?  Any service that would make your life easier at all?

 

[Condessa]

18 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Talk to child life. They should have a list of providers used to working with ped-onc situations which is it’s own niche area (anxiety and grief and trauma) as opposed to mental illness. We had to drive across state lines also to get to the ped hospital and they are used to dealing with this particular issue. They had lists for the feeder communities to that hospital on both sides of the line.

Another option is to, on infusion days, just schedule it for while you are on the correct side of the state line. During infusions and during hospitalizations child life often had a volunteer or child life worker sit in for 30 min with my kid in the playroom while I did other things (showered, laundry, therapy). I had my nursing baby with me for all of that—couldn’t leave the baby, obviously, but if a kid is in-patient or out-patient, there can be flexibility. 
 

TTY is an option, as are apps like Otter.ai which can provide AI captioning to Zoom or Google calls. I have done zoom calls with captioning and it is ok. It’s also super easy to do lip reading since you can do speaker view. 

He’s actually doing oral chemo, so no infusions.

 I will talk to child life.

[Ottakee]

1 hour ago, Melissa Louise said:

Daily walking can help combat hpb.

Guided meditations can help provide some respite from stress.

I find a gratitude app helpful too (Presently).

 

Walking was my first thought.  Is there any chance you could walk alone or with a friend a few times a week?  Even for just 30 minutes?

Being outside reduces stress, walking reduces stress, and talking while walking really helps you process things.   If you want to look really crazy, you do what I did last year....I put in my ear buds and walked my neighborhood...all while talking to a friend 900 miles away.   So, I was the crazy lady talking to herself....but it did help my stress.

[marbel]

11 hours ago, Ottakee said:

Being outside reduces stress, walking reduces stress, and talking while walking really helps you process things.   If you want to look really crazy, you do what I did last year....I put in my ear buds and walked my neighborhood...all while talking to a friend 900 miles away.   So, I was the crazy lady talking to herself....but it did help my stress.

I agree with all this, except...  I see so many people talking on their phones (using bluetooth or whatever, so not obvious) while out and about now, you won't look crazy at all.  😎

Walking really helps me. I get it that it's awful when it's hot though. 

Edited July 8, 2021 by marbel

[AmandaVT]

TalkSpace therapists do a lot through email (through their platform) therapy. You can sign up for video chat, but you don't have to.

National Deaf Therapy is a group that is aimed at making therapy accessible to the deaf community. https://themighty.com/2019/10/national-deaf-therapy-mental-health-services/

 

Hope that helps!

 

[Drama Llama]

If you read my other threads you know I haven’t really found solutions, so all I have to offer is hugs and support.  I am very sorry you are going through this.

We got some really good support through Child Life, palliative care, and the chaplains.  I agree with @prairiewindmomma about asking them.  I also know someone who has used a clinic that specializes in reproductive mental health, which seems helpful.

[HeartString]

11 hours ago, Condessa said:

How does one go about finding a good telehealth therapist that can practice in your area?  Most of our healthcare is through a system just over the state border from us, and their providers are not allowed to do telehealth appointments with out-of-state patients.  I have had horrible experiences with my foster girls at the one location in town that provides mental health services and am not interested in working with them again.  We are hours from civilization on our side of the state boundary.  Should I just call offices in our state capital?

Telehealth complicated by me being hard-of-hearing, but it’s still is probably better than not.

Try Betterhelp or Talkspace.  We’ve found Betterhelp easier and cheaper than seeing someone in person.