WWYD? When would you tell people (Covid related)

[Tap]

UPDATE: 

I told them. They weren't concerned. Just positive wishes for our family.  Pretty much what I expected. 🙂 

Both of our tests were negative.

Thanks for all the advice everyone! I appreciate it!

 

Ds27 was diagnosed yesterday. Ds watches dd14 daily and is in our house 4 to 10 hours per day during the week, so dd14 was absolutely exposed. He is in the home office upstairs and only comes down to eat, so exposure is minimal, but valid. I am vaccinated, she is not. She and I are getting tested today, but if it comes back negative for her, she will still have to be retested in the near future (since her last exposure to him was yesterday). 

If her first test is negative, do I tell the neighborhood families about the possible exposure before the 2nd test results come in in 5 days*? She plays with 2 little girls quite often, but has been around a group of kids in the past week. All from different households. The kids play outside and don't wear masks. She is disabled and is already barely tolerated in the neighborhood. She doesn't need the stigma of being a Covid carrier among the kids. If it is a positive test, I will definitely tell them, the only thing I am wondering about is the time from the first negative test, to the second negative test.  I will have her quarantine no matter what. She does not have symptoms. 

 

On one hand, yes, it would be the nicest thing to do. But it will absolutely cause issues for her in the future.

If yes, should we just tell the girls she sees most often, or all the kid's families. The girls are the ones who she is most likely to be within 6 feet of.

On the other, I feel that if we let our kids play with others unmasked, that is a risk we all share. 

WWYD?

*She will get the 2nd test so she can start volleyball and get released from quarantine on day 7 instead of day 10. She is getting the 1st test now, because she is freaking out. The 2nd test is for the quarantine rules. She doesn't have symptoms.

Edited April 17, 2021 by Tap

[bolt.]

I would tell the families of people she plays closely with -- adult to adult, not through the kids -- but I would phrase it as, "Ds27 has tested positive. The rest of us got tested because of him. We are negative and we have no symptoms. I thought you should know anyways though, plus we all have to quarantine as a household because of him. I'll let you know if anything changes." Making it a household thing, mostly about your son, should buffer your daughter a bit from any fallout. There's also no need to tell them that there is a plan to get a future test. 

But they do need to know. So sorry.

Edited April 17, 2021 by bolt.

[mommyoffive]

If I was the other family I would want to know if regardless of a negative or positive test.  I feel like the tests are still not 100% reliable and she could be positive and it not show up on a test.  Or she could have spread it before you get the 2nd positive test and I would want to be watching or testing my kids.   Now since they are outside I think the chance of spreading is lower.  

I am sorry for the complications of how she is treated or seen in the neighborhood.  That is hard to deal with on top of this.  

I think it is a risk that everyone takes if they let their kids outside playing with no masks.  But I would tell people if we had a positive test and I would want them to do the same.  There in lies why my kids haven't seen anyone in that way.  Only with masks on.   I don't have anyone with kids that I trust 100% to tell me the truth.   I would be livid if someone didn't tell me in this circumstance.   Would you want to know if you were the other family?   That being said, I am sure that other people have hid the truth or not said anything during this year.   How will you feel if any of her friends get Covid?   

If it was me I would 100% say something.  No doubt.

I hope your DS is ok.  I am also hoping that you and your dd stay negative. 

[gardenmom5]

I would let them know now.  Let them know what her fast results are as soon as you receive them, and that she will be being retested again as a follow-up.  I would consider it basic courtesy.   DD was exposed by a neighbor last summer - they were all tested.  they my gs got sick, and had to be tested again.  (it was negative, just a cold/illness.)

[Tap]

10 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

If I was the other family I would want to know if regardless of a negative or positive test.  I feel like the tests are still not 100% reliable and she could be positive and it not show up on a test.  Or she could have spread it before you get the 2nd positive test and I would want to be watching or testing my kids.   Now since they are outside I think the chance of spreading is lower.  

I am sorry for the complications of how she is treated or seen in the neighborhood.  That is hard to deal with on top of this.  

I think it is a risk that everyone takes if they let their kids outside playing with no masks.  But I would tell people if we had a positive test and I would want them to do the same.  There in lies why my kids haven't seen anyone in that way.  Only with masks on.   I don't have anyone with kids that I trust 100% to tell me the truth.   I would be livid if someone didn't tell me in this circumstance.   Would you want to know if you were the other family?   That being said, I am sure that other people have hid the truth or not said anything during this year.   How will you feel if any of her friends get Covid?   

If it was me I would 100% say something.  No doubt.

I hope your DS is ok.  I am also hoping that you and your dd stay negative. 

I agree with you and don't want you to think I am arguing. Just continuing the conversation because you said you would be livid. Just making sure you understand, that if she was positive, I would absolutely tell them. It is just the asymptomatic time between negative tests. 

To me, allowing our kids to play outside, unsupervised, without masks assumes some liability. I wouldn't expect others to tell me, so I guess that is why I am asking here. Sure, if someone is positive I would want to know, but until there is something to tell, I wouldn't expect it. It would be nice....but not expected. 

ETA: To me, with them playing outside, I assume she is exposed occasionally. 

Edited April 17, 2021 by Tap

[HeartString]

Honestly I might not say anything about a negative test if I thought it would carry a stigma into the future. How awful.  The idea that being exposed to COVID will cause problems in the future is just awful.   They sound more like people I’d want to avoid, but I understand how neighborhood dynamics work.   
 

I would normally say to of course tell them.  But summer is coming up and the idea that your daughter might be shunned over being  it makes me mad.  

 

Edited April 17, 2021 by HeartString

[Tap]

9 minutes ago, bolt. said:

I would tell the families of people she plays closely with -- adult to adult, not through the kids -- but I would phrase it as, "Ds27 has tested positive. The rest of us got tested because of him. We are negative and we have no symptoms. I thought you should know anyways though, plus we all have to quarantine as a household because of him. I'll let you know if anything changes." Making it a household thing, mostly about your son, should buffer your daughter a bit from any fallout. But they do need to know.

I think this is a good way to phrase it! One nice thing about this, is that it will give the family a chance to say if they want to keep the quarantine up between the girls or not. If the kids have had it already, they may not care and they can play in my back yard. I know the parents of one girl have both been vaccinated. The other girl I am not sure about. 

[rebcoola]

Yeah I would probably say we are quarantined because of an exposure and leave it at that.

[Tap]

Just now, rebcoola said:

Yeah I would probably say we are quarantined because of an exposure and leave it at that.

Good point. I tend to overshare details. LOL They don't need to know the details, just an exposure happened. 🙂 

[I talk to the trees]

I agree with bolt. You don’t have to make a dramatic production out of it. Just matter of factly say, “We're quarantining because of DS's positive. What a drag, eh? See y'all on the other side of our quarantine!” <friendly wave> If I were in the other families, I would expect at least a fair warning so that I could decide what to do. Keeping exposure to yourself while allowing your dd to play closely with the others is deceptive, and may cause you even greater trouble in the long run. 

[wathe]

9 minutes ago, bolt. said:

I would tell the families of people she plays closely with -- adult to adult, not through the kids -- but I would phrase it as, "Ds27 has tested positive. The rest of us got tested because of him. We are negative and we have no symptoms. I thought you should know anyways though, plus we all have to quarantine as a household because of him. I'll let you know if anything changes." Making it a household thing, mostly about your son, should buffer your daughter a bit from any fallout. There's also no need to tell them that there is a plan to get a future test. 

But they do need to know. So sorry.

I think this is the best plan.   You could be even more vague and just state that your household is in quarantine because of a covid exposure.  Of course, you don't actually have to tell them anything, but I think not telling anything might turn out worse.

Assess the difference in risk of telling and not telling:  Would it be worse if DD ends up positive and you hadn't told up front?

 

[Katy]

3 minutes ago, rebcoola said:

Yeah I would probably say we are quarantined because of an exposure and leave it at that.

Yes, this. Who is irrelevant. 

[regentrude]

Agree with bolt. You need to tell them.
If my kids played with somebody and then I found out that they have a household member with Covid and didn't tell me, I could not trust that family again.

Edited April 17, 2021 by regentrude

[regentrude]

6 minutes ago, rebcoola said:

Yeah I would probably say we are quarantined because of an exposure and leave it at that.

I don't feel "quarantined because of an exposure" is the same thing as "a household member with active infection is isolating in the home".

[rebcoola]

3 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I don't feel "quarantined because of an exposure" is the same thing as "a household member with active infection is isolating in the home".

That's literally what the health department has classified my kids and I as and what they reported to the school.  When it was my husband who was positive.

[Tap]

I will go tell them when we get the result today. I will just tell them there was an exposure, and only share more if they ask. I'll be honest if they ask. They know where I live, so they can come talk more if they need to know more.  I work in healthcare and see active cases every day. The families know this, so if they are allowing thier girls to play with her, I assume they realize there was some level of risk even before he tested positive. I was vax before Christmas as one of the first groups because of my risk level but they haven't inquired on my immunization status.

[ktgrok]

24 minutes ago, Tap said:

I agree with you and don't want you to think I am arguing. Just continuing the conversation because you said you would be livid. Just making sure you understand, that if she was positive, I would absolutely tell them. It is just the asymptomatic time between negative tests. 

To me, allowing our kids to play outside, unsupervised, without masks assumes some liability. I wouldn't expect others to tell me, so I guess that is why I am asking here. Sure, if someone is positive I would want to know, but until there is something to tell, I wouldn't expect it. It would be nice....but not expected. 

ETA: To me, with them playing outside, I assume she is exposed occasionally. 

Yes, you need to tell them. That way if one of their kids starts with a sniffly nose, cough, or lethargy they know to get tested and quarantine rather than think of it as allergies and blow it off. 

 

[Tap]

4 minutes ago, rebcoola said:

That's literally what the health department has classified my kids and I as and what they reported to the school.  When it was my husband who was positive.

Yes, honestly in this case the type of exposure doesn't matter. We are statistically more likely to get it from someone living in our house. But my son doesn't even share a bathroom with anyone else here (he uses the one in the office) and even eats in the office. The exposure by him, is equivalent to that of a coworker.  He has 2 jobs which he does from home. He watches her at the same time. Aside from making her lunch and putting it on the counter, he doesn't have any time that he is in direct contact with her. We have a whole house filtration system and the return air vent is right out side the office. The more I think about it, her risk of getting it is going down in my mind. I'm not thinking of the original post of 'telling the neighborhood' , but just in general for her exposure risk. 

[Tap]

Just now, ktgrok said:

Yes, you need to tell them. That way if one of their kids starts with a sniffly nose, cough, or lethargy they know to get tested and quarantine rather than think of it as allergies and blow it off. 

 

I agree. That is what ds thought at first too. He has very mild symptoms, and only got tested because the symptoms stuck around after taking an allergy pill. 

[wathe]

26 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I don't feel "quarantined because of an exposure" is the same thing as "a household member with active infection is isolating in the home".

It's not.  But the practical effect is the same for the neighbours:  the family is in formal quarantine either way.  The reason for the quarantine doesn't change that, and isn't "need to know" information for these neighbours/acquaintances.  Reading Tap's post it sounds like this is a delicate situation without a lot of trust.  I think this might be a need-to-know rather than a nice-to-know situation.

[sbgrace]

When/how soon wlll you get that first test back? Rapid/today? 

Here's the thing...I would assume that she wouldn't have been spreading, particularly outside, if her initial test is negative. I know there are false negatives, particularly for testing early after exposure. But, for outdoor spread with undectable virus--that risk seems quite low.

For that reason together with the possible repurcussions for your daughter, I would lean toward just informing, at the most, that your family is quaranteening and testing due to an exposure and will let them know if there is a positive test. 

I would handle this differently w/ different relationship dynamics or if there had been a more risky level of exposure. 

 

[mommyoffive]

49 minutes ago, Tap said:

I agree with you and don't want you to think I am arguing. Just continuing the conversation because you said you would be livid. Just making sure you understand, that if she was positive, I would absolutely tell them. It is just the asymptomatic time between negative tests. 

To me, allowing our kids to play outside, unsupervised, without masks assumes some liability. I wouldn't expect others to tell me, so I guess that is why I am asking here. Sure, if someone is positive I would want to know, but until there is something to tell, I wouldn't expect it. It would be nice....but not expected. 

ETA: To me, with them playing outside, I assume she is exposed occasionally. 

Oh I get we are not arguing at all.  I get it.  I think everyone can say what they would do before actually being in that situation.  I would be livid if my kids got covid from one of their friends who had a family member that had a known positive and they just never said anything to us.  I would be livid because it would put my family's health at risk.  Plus then I would be spreading it to other people too.   And that would upset me too if anyone got sick from me when I didn't even know I had been exposed.  I have stayed home for 14 months for my safety and to keep others safe too. 

Yes I do think that the other families are taking risks having their kids play outside unmasked and with other households.  But I still think you should tell them.  I think what Bolt said about just saying it is your DS would take the focus off your dd.

I think we would all be safer off if we were telling our friends, family, cowokers the truth and we were treating people the way we would want to be treated.  And nobody should not be judging each other if someone exposed us.  We should be thanking them for giving us the information to keep safe.  That is how I would feel.  Thankful if you came to me and told me about it before hand so I could do what I needed to do.  

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

My daughter had an exposure and had recently been playing outside and unmasked with the neighbor kids. It’s different dynamics but I just let the mom know that she’d had an exposure and a negative rapid. The mom was not at all concerned but thanked me for letting her know.

With the dynamics and your daughter already being barely tolerated, I’d leave it at the fact that your son had tested positive so your family is quarantining. You can let them know she tested negative once she does, but is keep it as generalized as possible. They can fill in the details.  (As a mom, I’d be not at all concerned once she has a negative test result)

[Carrie12345]

I would want to know immediately so that I could quarantine my kids. (I mean, mine are already mostly quarantined, but I’d make sure of it.)

The main reason my kids aren’t really allowed to be in much physical contact with other kids is because I don’t trust people to tell me about exposures, which would give my kids the chance to pass it on themselves. I’m more worried about them giving it to others than being infected themselves.

[Bootsie]

It is difficult for me to think that other families would shun her in the summer because she was exposed to a virus in April.  If the people are that shallow or uninformed about how this virus spreads, I would think they are more likely to shun her if they find out that she was exposed and that they were not told.

 

[kbutton]

2 hours ago, Tap said:

I will go tell them when we get the result today. I will just tell them there was an exposure, and only share more if they ask. I'll be honest if they ask. They know where I live, so they can come talk more if they need to know more.  I work in healthcare and see active cases every day. The families know this, so if they are allowing thier girls to play with her, I assume they realize there was some level of risk even before he tested positive. I was vax before Christmas as one of the first groups because of my risk level but they haven't inquired on my immunization status.

I think being general in this situation is fine because you are willing to be honest if there is a specific question.

We have a HCW in the family, so we have this similar risk, but if one of us were exposed in a non-healthcare setting to someone we saw fairly often, I would feel like that's very different than DH being exposed while PPE'd to the hilt. We have a friend whose adult daughter works with kids, and sometimes we have to see her in person for tutoring, etc. The daughter works with some kids too young to mask, and they are sometimes right in her face--I would want to know who was exposed in a case like that to know what the risk really was.

47 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

I would want to know immediately so that I could quarantine my kids. (I mean, mine are already mostly quarantined, but I’d make sure of it.)

The main reason my kids aren’t really allowed to be in much physical contact with other kids is because I don’t trust people to tell me about exposures, which would give my kids the chance to pass it on themselves.

Me too.

[Tap]

I told them. They weren't concerned. Just positive wishes for our family.  Pretty much what I expected. 🙂 

Both of our tests were negative.