Michelle T Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 It seems like everyone else here has so many kids, or at least more than one! Sometimes I feel like I'm not a "real" homeschooler, because I only have one child. Anyone else out there feel this way? For what it's worth, I would have loved to have more children, but never got pregnant again after DS was born, over 11 years ago. Michelle T :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I don't feel weird, exactly, but I sure get tired of "Oh, you only have one! You have nothing to be overwhelmed over!" I may even smack the next person who says that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 It seems like everyone else here has so many kids, or at least more than one! Sometimes I feel like I'm not a "real" homeschooler, because I only have one child. Anyone else out there feel this way? For what it's worth, I would have loved to have more children, but never got pregnant again after DS was born, over 11 years ago. Michelle T :( I have only one and only started homeschooling after 5th grade. I suppose we will never know what it's like to try to teach grammar while a baby is screaming or eating the M&M stash...LOL. One thing I thought I had to be careful about was to make sure ds had other activities i.e youth group, swim lessons etc. Many posters here say they are involved in too many things and I can totally understand how stressful this can be for a larger family. Even in our case, I didn't always feel like driving to these activities because we live so far in the country and every trip is 40 minutes one way. But I think it was and still is important and that's why our homeschooling journey was overall successful. Ds never felt isolated and now he is ready to enter community college. :D We can always live vicariously reading all the posts about large families! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 It seems like everyone else here has so many kids, or at least more than one! Sometimes I feel like I'm not a "real" homeschooler, because I only have one child. Anyone else out there feel this way? For what it's worth, I would have loved to have more children, but never got pregnant again after DS was born, over 11 years ago. Michelle T :( No. I'm not the weird one. ;) And FWIW, I've never wanted more kids. One is perfect for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSMom2One Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Nor are you alone...there are more of us than you realize. I am homeschooling my youngest child and we started this year in 3rd grade. We did not homeschool our other children and they are all grown and gone now. It is a very precious, time for dd and I. I know it will have a lasting impact on her, and I'm the only one that can provide what she needs the most. It is a genuine calling to do this, one that humbles me often. I also know another mom that raised one child and homeschooled all the way through. Her dd is amazing and is doing so well in university this year. It inspires me to keep doing what I'm doing. Blessings, Lucinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomOfOneFunOne Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I feel frustrated. 1) ppl who don't have an only just don't get it. I often just let the comments roll right off but sometimes it just aggravates me. 2) There is some kind of (inflexible) rule that states that ppl with large families can usually only do things with/for the older ones. So, if the kid my daughter's age happens to fall down in a 3rd, 4th, or 5th position, they never get to play. That's just sad . . . sad for them, truly, and sad for us. 3) We often don't get enough friends for field trips. For example, it has taken a few years but now we have a nice set of friends (a couple of onlies but mostly oldests) but when we want to set up a field trip with our friends, they can't go b/c what for us is a $10 field trip is a $40, $50, or, for one family, $90 trip. Who could go at that price? I'm really frustrated with this trip thing b/c we're studying the Middle Ages. We've been reading some excellent books and have decided to go to the cathedral for a tour and then to the stained glass place. THey have a few 14th century windows on display and then we could do a stained glass craft. It's a $10 trip plus bring your own lunch. Sadly, our friends are really interested but unable. There are a few ppl we could ask but we don't know them well and it just wouldn't be as fun. Yuck, I hate sounding that selfish! and, finally, 4) My daughter just gets so lonely during school times. She really wants someone to have math with or reading, et c. You know, I read over this and it seems like a bunch of belly-aching. It's just a special set of circumstances with onlies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 It doesn't feel weird as I don't know have any experience dealing with more children. I have gotten the "how can you really be a homeschooler with one?" attitude a few times. I love feeling like my ds10 is getting a private tutored education. We have a very conversational style of schooling and I have as much tendency to get distracted as he does. Plus, my dh is a like a big kid too, as he was just trying to shut my laptop as I'm typing this. Fortunately, I don't have to school him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melody in IL Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I would suggest not letting it get to you. We have four children, and always felt we had a larger family. UNTIL we started homeschooling...then it felt like a starter pack! It's all in your perspective! You have JUST ENOUGH kids...or KID! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I love having only one! We are able to do so much more cool stuff! Plus he has lots of friends. We do a lot with friends. It is frustrating to have to deal with people who seem to have an attitude of "My older kids are more important than my younger ones." "We can't do that, my older ones will be bored, won't like it, or are just too old for it." That is very annoying, and I've gotten that from people with just two kids! What I HATE is being at a supposedly all inclusive homeschool event or something, and when people ask how many kids you have and I happily reply "Just the one!" They'll ask if we are having more and I tell them no, I get this sympathtic tone and "Oh that's a shame." And then they go on to tell me about how, they, their sister, cousin, neighbor, whoever had this trouble or that trouble and only had one child. I've been patted on the shoulder and pittied like it's some sort of disease to only have one kid! HELLO! There is NOTHING wrong with only having one kid! It was a logical, responsible choice! One is all we need and are perfectly happy with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I only have one and love it. We're having a great time. I grew up in a big family and we did *not* have a great time. And now, years later, we hardly have any contact at all. I'd much rather nurture the one and do a reasonably good job -- and so far so good -- than try to do more and make a total mess of it. I'm just not equipped to handle more kids. My siblings all have large families -- and they are reliving the mess we had when we were kids. They always seem to have one who is in some major difficulty or drama at any given time. I don't miss that at all. As far as being a "real" homeschooler with only one child -- I've never felt that way or got that impression from anyone. If time and money were any indicator, we've invested plenty of both! I know I really feel for people who are trying to juggle all the activities and schedules and kids and friends and friends of kids and . . . I don't know how they do it and have tons of respect for the ones that pull it off gracefully in good times and bad and just keep plugging away. For that matter, I have a ton of respect for the ones who *don't* do it gracefully! This reminds me of the movie "Parenthood" -- some people love the rollercoaster and the ones that don't should stay on the ground with me. :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
octavia Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Sometimes I feel like I'm not a "real" homeschooler, because I only have one child. Well there's a woman I know who comes up with statements along the lines of you're not even a real mother with only one child :confused: so I know to some extent what you mean. There are six years between my two & I was involved in the home educating world for a long time before ds was born. There are people around who don't believe you have the right to an opinion about child rearing or home schooling with 'only one child', those who believe that you should never complain because you've only got one, those who refuse to see the different challenges that educating 'an only' at home brings and, of course, those who rattle on endlessly about the joys of their children's sibling relationships :rolleyes: Still there are annoying people in every walk of life! My relationship with my daughter (as a mum & educator) is very special, those years we had alone together were very different from what most people experience with their first born & I treasure them. However, I must admit I find education (& life generally ;) ) easier with two than one - your relationships are so much less intense & I don't have to be at the centre of everything. I have a friend who educated her three at home for many years before the older two decided to return to school - eventually her youngest did as well & she admitted to me that she found having him at home on his own extremely hard as it was so intense. It's like everything I think, people just love to stereotype! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuthouse Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 a one child family. My reproductive health,family and career choices made us a one child family. I really resent the implication that I haven't done my share in the baby diaper department. Our decision to be a threesome wasn't all under our control and I don't wish to discuss it in detail along side the endless birth and blessings stories at homeschool gatherings. I'm sorry I didn't know how much this issue still bugs the living daylights out of me. I need to bow out of this discussion now. Thanks for listening to my rant of the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plaid Dad Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I'm not a mom ;) but we do have an only. I have seen some rather dismissive attitudes - including not a little spiritual pride - toward small families in certain online communities, but I just avoid those forums. I got tired very quickly of having it implied that I was a willfully dissenting Catholic because we only have one child. Large families are very rare where we live, so they get the brunt of the bad attitude from all and sundry. ("Don't you know the environmental impact of such a large family?") Most homeschoolers here have two or three kids and no one seems to think anything of having an only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Last year we were hsing just my ds2. Since the other 2 kids were in school, I'd occasionally get a comment or "the look". But you know, it's really their problem and not mine. I wish all hsers would be open and friendly whether you fit the mold or not, but that's not the way it is. And, of course, hsers aren't the only ones. I got plenty of flak from other ASD moms for hsing. You've just got to go with the flow and make your own way. I've found that Pareto's law really does apply: 20% of people create 80% of hard feelings. FWIW, hsing 1 IS harder than hsing 2!;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCoppock Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I dont think I feel odd about homeschooling my only in general but rather about the questions and comments made in regard to my family size. I hate being asked aren't you going to have more? or doesnt you DH want children? The very worst thing that is said more times than I can count is "You are so lucky to just have one." I cant tell you how upsetting this comment is. DH and I have some fertility issues and would love to have more children but dont feel everyone in our Co-op group needs to know this. We are lucky in many ways having our DS. I think we get to spend a great deal of one on one time and get to experience many things that we would not be able to if we had little ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I have two so far apart in age that they're really both like "onlies". This year, I'm only hsing the younger one, so I, also, only have one with me wherever I go. But I schedule a lot of outside activities to give my son company (and did this with the older one, too) and so we generally are in the middle of a crowd, many of whom are also only children, or one of only a pair. Families come in all sizes. Family size is not just dependent upon the desires of the parents, but may also be dependent on other factors, such as fertility, health, genetics, etc., as you mentioned. That is why I only have the two I have. I don't think it's anything to fret over or any reason to feel insignificant. All we can really ever do is take what we're given and work with it to make the best lives possible for ourselves! I know that sometimes folks post on the boards and direct their posts to those with larger families, but I think they do that for a specific reason, and not to exclude others. The dynamics of hsing a larger number of multi-age children are really quite different than what we do with only one or two (and I can't imagine that I could even do it!) Likewise, sometimes folks with an only child will pose a question directed to others who encounter their particular kind of life experience, so that they can get a perspective from someone who's in the same sort of position as them. I don't think they mean to snub those with large families. I think we have a very diverse and welcoming family here. I would hope that those in your local hsing community don't exclude you in any way just because your family size might be different from theirs. We're all different! That's what makes us so interesting, Regena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee in MI Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I have an only. It was difficult the first few years. And we used to do a lot of activities, trying to find our way. It paid off, because in time, through those activities, we met our own small circle of friends. My son is very social, and was at one point so lonely that I worried about him a lot. He seems content, now. I'm from a big family, and I love big families. I love our small families. And I've seen some snarky, offensive comments about both extremes. Seems to me, whatever choices you make, there are people that will approve and people who won't. You aren't going to please everyone. So you do what you think is best and shrug it off. Also, I am a person who regularly says things that I regret later, so I have sympathy for others who may not understand the effect of what they're saying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I've no experience with a small family. We were such a flotilla, and my family was all of my world. Even at school the teachers knew me as the last of the X's. I resented at the time, but I do think more than the average was expected of me because of my sibs reputation. I think the homeschool play club sort of appreciates the fact hubby has only one to corral, and can take charge of the several other yard apes at the playground while mum sees to her littles. And that he packs an extra bike in the van for some kid who'd be left out by not having one, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chai Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I have an only. I totally agree with octavia about the intensity of the relationship. I spend most of the day, every day with one other person. She only has playmates if I initiate it. To me, that is the most tiring part of having an only. I am her playmate, her teacher, her mother, her confidant.... Since we moved last fall, I have needed to be even more aggressive in finding activities and friends for her. We have actually gotten to the point of being too busy. Once we have found our niche and some good friends, I'll start scaling back. I haven't noticed anyone being dismissive about my homeschooling becasue dd is an only. I do find that I need to be the one to initiate everything. Other parents are willing to meet and have playdates and field trips, but I don't think that these are as important to them. Cost is definitely a factor; it is much easier to go to more events when you are only paying for one. Besides a playmate, another child would be helpful so that dd had a little peer pressure. I think a little competition might help. Of course, then I would have to deal with sibling rivalry. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockermom Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I have no actual experience to go on, since our 6yo lives with his mother. I will not be homeschooling for some time since the baby is not quite 9 months old yet. I have, however, found this thread to be a great comfort. My biggest fear is that my son won't have enough time with other children. I didn't meet my husband until I was almost 30 and I got started somewhat late. I love the idea of more children, but we actually feel complete. I frequent these boards in the hopes that it will help prepare me for what I am in for... I realize that I will never actually be fully prepared for our educational/life journey, but the thought is comforting nonetheless. Just some morning rambling from a nervous future educator of an only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. Readsalot Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 We also wanted more, but due to a blood clotting disorder I have it was not a good idea. Lucky for me quite a few of the other local homeschoolers have onlies so I don't think about it much. My ds is happy and has lots of neighborhood friends who all wish they could also be homeschooled. His friends spend a lot of time here so he is never in want of company. One of his friends has 5 brothers and sisters and when ds has spent a day at his house he comes home and tells us he is glad he is an only child. It is funny because his friend has the same house we do and it is vasty different with 6 children in it. I enjoy having an only child and praise the Lord everyday for blessing us with raising ds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RenJac1501 Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I don't feel weird, exactly, but I sure get tired of "Oh, you only have one! You have nothing to be overwhelmed over!" I may even smack the next person who says that. Oh I agree with SolaMichella , I have heard so many time Oh you only have one child why, whats wrong, UUUUG Ill Join ya girl in smacking the next person or hearing You better catch up i have more then you UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!! We who have one are more Blessed i feel because we were givin the Gift of the one Child:)1 -14 who cares ,what matters is we LOVE Our Only Child . I do not feel odd about HS One , Just means Jacob can have my full attention on everything So 1 or 14 who cares :) Love ya Jacob:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAR120C Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 My main frustration is the conversations among moms of more than one where they imply that "first time moms" are naive, or that they're overprotective, or whatever. Um, I'm STILL a first time mom here. And I kind of resent the "first born child is the test case" type of conversation, to go along with that. All I have is that test case -- I'm not flailing about hoping I get it right somewhere down the line! :mad: We do, however, end up with more than one kid much of the time because we're usually free to host whatever playdate or small group or whatever (with no sibs underfoot) and I have extra booster seats in my car for the number of times I end up driving extras. That's actually a lot of fun for me, except that sometimes (very rarely) circumstances will conspire to make it clear that every. single. mom. in. our. group. was assuming I'd be free to watch her kid at [the park, the field trip, the class] and I end up with like ten. :eek: And each one of them starting with "since you only have the one, I was figuring you could watch my darling Egbert...." and when they realize that I have six trailing behind me already it comes out that they had no backup plan. *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle T Posted February 16, 2008 Author Share Posted February 16, 2008 Thanks for all the encouragement and letting me know how many others there are here with just the one! Sometimes I get kind of freaked out by having only one child, I think of all the things I need to do for my mother these days (dad died four years ago), and I wonder "What will happen if DH dies, and I'm elderly and alone, and DS has moved across the country" Who will drive me to doctor appointments, help me with heavy furniture, etc? But of course, there is no guarantee he'd do those things even if he lived close by! Just rambling, as usual. I would definitely have liked to have had two or three kids. But apparently fertility got in the way, as that never happened. Glad to know there are others here who know what I mean! Michelle T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Haven't read all the replies, but no I don't feel weird. I feel in awe of moms like Colleen, with 5 boys running an actual organic dairy farm, for pete's sake. I mean really...if she can do all that why can't I take care of one suburan home/yard and one small 7 year old? Or Jean with 10 children who goes off and cleans for others to supplement their income. I just feel like I should be able to accomplish more since I only have one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Sometimes I get kind of freaked out by having only one child, I think of all the things I need to do for my mother these days (dad died four years ago), and I wonder "What will happen if DH dies, and I'm elderly and alone, and DS has moved across the country" Who will drive me to doctor appointments, help me with heavy furniture, etc? But of course, there is no guarantee he'd do those things even if he lived close by! Just rambling, as usual. I would definitely have liked to have had two or three kids. But apparently fertility got in the way, as that never happened. Glad to know there are others here who know what I mean! Michelle T I know just how you feel about this kind of thing. When someone has 6 kids, chances are great at least of couple of them will remain close to you (geographically and emotionally) I lie awake nights worrying about losing my son to some future wife who lives 2000 miles away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Onlies are more and more common it seems. When I was a kid, I only knew one boy who was an only child. Now in our congregation (small) there are 3 others besides us with only one child. I sure wanted more though. Nature decided against me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Large families are very rare where we live, so they get the brunt of the bad attitude from all and sundry. ("Don't you know the environmental impact of such a large family?") Most homeschoolers here have two or three kids and no one seems to think anything of having an only. I can't remember what program it was, but there was a bit on some TV show about a lady who decided she didn't want any kids at all, and how she searched for a long time for a doctor who would do a tubal ligation on someone so young -- she was in her early twenties. I turned it off when she started preaching about the social irresponsibility -- and the egotistical drive to clone one's self -- of people who have any children at all! She was quite arrogant, condescending and just plain rude -- and very impressed with her own social conscience, though manners didn't seem to be a key part of her upbringing. I don't care if *she* doesn't want to have any kids -- I don't know why it should bother her if someone wants to have a small, medium or large family! Unless I'm sending her the bill, or parking them on her doorstep, it's none of her business! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
octavia Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 it became some sort of contest who could win with the longest, most difficult birth stories, who went thru the most pain, who had so many complications yet managed to birth near geniuses, etc. Oh I've had this too! Except with my group it is who has had the most natural birth .. you know squatting in a field by moonlight or something :rolleyes: I'm too busy being profoundly grateful for any live children at all to care about how they came out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 One child here, by choice. NEVER felt that urge to have more. EVER. We started homeschooling Molly halfway through second grade. She's in fifth grade now. Not only do I homeschool an only, we have NO friends who homeschool. I don't even really know anyone else, IRL, who homeschools. So we're really in the minority. And yes, I do feel weird sometimes. But you know what makes me even angrier? The comments from those who seem to think that having an only child somehow makes you less of a mother. Even my own sister in law has said to me, "Oh, having one doesn't even COUNT! Talk to me when you've got two screaming kids!" And one person said to me once "Oh, having one isn't like being a mother! It's more like long-term babysitting!" I know I should let those two comments go, but seriously......they were very hurtful. And they're not the only ones. So many people feel the need to dismiss parents of only children, at least I"ve run up against it. I always feel like parents of larger families think parents of onlies have no right to feel overwhelmed or overworked. It's a big myth-- as a parent of an only, you're IT! You and the dog. You can't say, "Go play with your brothers and sisters." You're the entertainment. Especially when they're little, it's tough. But homeschooling one is a great experience! We can write in the workbooks! We color and write on the SOTW test and maps! We throw caution to the wind and write in the Singapore textbooks! No one to pass them down to later! Interesting thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 I don't feel weird, exactly, but I sure get tired of "Oh, you only have one! You have nothing to be overwhelmed over!" I may even smack the next person who says that. I can't believe people actually say that. That stinks :eek:! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reservejagmom Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 :iagree: We have our one and only ds ... I remember getting questions about whether /when I'd be having the next one when I was just pregnant with him! Um, at age 40, after preterm labor at 32 weeks and 6 weeks of bedrest, and the fact that he never slept through the night until he was 4 :glare: .... I passed on having any others! One was really all I ever wanted, anyway, particularly considering the age I was when I started! Plus sibling rivalry was something I've never wanted to have to deal with. When people have said to me, "You can't just have one," I've replied, "Yes, I can!" Carol Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 We have an only, and we started hsing after 2nd grade. I get the, "how could you be overwhelmed?" thing a lot. Seriously, I want to smack the next person who gets all judgemental on me about our decision to stop after one. Like I'm not as much of a mom since I"ve only done it once. Sheesh? And tied with this is my whole hatred of Mother's Day. I sometimes feel like i don't really deserve it, since I"ve only got one. So much for knuckling under to societal pressure. Guess I"m a pushover. But we're happy with one. Wait....this sounds like the whole "Michelle Duggar" thread to me! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reservejagmom Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 Hi Patty Joanna, No charge, call me anytime! :001_smile: Thanks! :D Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 I recently posted on the curriculum board about feeling like a lazy bum since I'm so disorganized with my one dd and these moms with 4 or 5 or more kids have their acts so together. So I definitely know where you're coming from! That said, I have never felt "weird" homeschooling an only, because the woman who introduced me to homeschooling, the one who was my mentor and my inspiration, also had an only child. When I asked her the standard newbie question about socialization, she really put my fears to rest. I am so lucky to have her in my life! I also belong to a homeschooling co-op, and we are not the only only-child family --- though oddly enough I am the only one with an only-girl. There seems to be a disproportionate number of boys in our group. But here's the neat thing -- it is the moms in our group that have the MOST kids, who have offered me the most comfort and support in having an only! There has been no judgment from them, but only understanding and kindness. One of them (juggling four kids!) said that I must have it so much harder, because when she's tired, she just sends all of hers out into the back yard to play with each other so that she can have a break, but I am my daughter's only playmate. And another one told me that when she sees my dd and I together, she is amazed by the closeness that we have, and that she wishes she had more time to spend with each of her kids individually and one-on-one. This really helped me put a lot of my guilt (over not giving her a sibling) to rest and helped me focus on the advantages of having only one. My DH and I made that decision consciously, and with good reason. And dd and I ARE close. Even, as some have described here, INTENSELY close. But I love that. I am so grateful for it. I know that my time with her is fleeting and every day is a blessing. So even when she's rattling off facts about lizard geckos for the thousandth time today and it's only noon, I *try* to savor every moment. Don't get me wrong, I have my Calgon, take me away! moments, but I *try*. :001_smile: I've gotten judgment and nastiness from strangers though. And I figure those opinions don't count for much. Someone who happens to be shopping on the same grocery store aisle as I am and who wants to pass judgment on my life and my choices based on that interaction, isn't worth wasting my worry on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 and I know how it felt to have an "only" - and how hard it was to get my very social kid to playdates and what have you. But on the flip side we did so much! And having no one else to compete for my attention, it was the best. So just letting you know that I've been on both sides of the fence as a homeschooler. I've since had two more children and let me tell you it has gotten much much harder, not easier. Having a toddler pulling on your leg as you try to conduct a lesson is not conducive to learning. Sometimes I feel as if my mind is being split three ways each day - and the results are not pretty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jlynn Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 His personality and mine are perfect matches and we have a good time together. My husband is an only, and it sure does make family visits on his side easy! My sister has 6 kids and will have her 7th this summer. When we visit my ds has a wonderful time with his cousins, but he also enjoys coming home to peace and quiet. Now that he's 9yr old I don't get too many "aren't you going to have more?" And both of our parents have always been so supportive of our having as many as we wanted, so I don't get any grief on that end either. Goodness, no one even mentions it anymore...I just realized that! Whenever I feel the urge to have a baby, I just volunteer to do nursery duty at church : ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 My DH and I made that decision consciously, and with good reason. And dd and I ARE close. Even, as some have described here, INTENSELY close. But I love that. I am so grateful for it. I know that my time with her is fleeting and every day is a blessing. So even when she's rattling off facts about lizard geckos for the thousandth time today and it's only noon, I *try* to savor every moment. Don't get me wrong, I have my Calgon, take me away! moments, but I *try*. Exactly. When my son was a baby, before he even had teeth, my midwife told me to fix in my mind a picture of him smiling. She said to me "once he has teeth, his face will change completely, and you'll never again have that smile." One day, after nursing, he was laying on the bed next to me and just got the biggest smile. I can still see it like it was yesterday. Now, I've paid for 2 sets of braces, swimming lessons, soccer, music classes, size 11 1/2 mens shoes, gone through more "let's try THIS" curriculum than I can count... and he's only fourteen! I periodically wonder if I look like some woman who is trying too hard, dating a high schooler (I look pretty young, but old enough for it to be ewww), since we go everywhere together. But we do look awfully similar... I'd hope people would make the logical leap instead of the skanky one. As to having one? I've heard it all. The "best" was in Texas: "Ya'll only have one? That's alright. Ya'll did it right the first time." (in reference to having a boy - I sat there in stunned silence) My responses nowadays are dependent on geographical location. Assess the area, the predominant religion, decide whether or not a response is warranted, and fit the response to those parameters. No one ever said parents of "onlies" owed the truth to rude people. Sometimes, simply having an appropriate response to segue out of a situation is all that is needed. (IMO) It's all good. Babies are always good. asta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jejily Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 Nor are you alone...there are more of us than you realize. I am homeschooling my youngest child and we started this year in 3rd grade. We did not homeschool our other children and they are all grown and gone now. It is a very precious, time for dd and I. I know it will have a lasting impact on her, and I'm the only one that can provide what she needs the most. It is a genuine calling to do this, one that humbles me often. ... This is my situation, as well. I started HSing my youngest son this year, while he was in 4th grade. My oldest is in college, my middle child is in public high school, and refuses to even discuss having me homeschool her! But DS10 and I are very similar in personality and temperament and get along very, very well. This decision to HS has been one of the BEST decisions I've made in a long time, and I love every minute of my homeschooling day. My only regret... that I didn't do this sooner, starting with my oldest son. My biggest frustration (if you can call it that) ... I've spent a lot of time making notebooking templates, worksheets, flashcards, etc., and don't have any other children to use them with! :sad: Seriously... I sometimes wish I had more kids just so I could homeschool. I started fantasizing about adopting kids ... but my husband called me out on my true motives; he said, "You just want more kids to homeschool!" He was right. :blush: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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