Teens and Halloween (was I too harsh?)

[Pen]

What are your teens doing (or what did they do) for Halloween ?

I made mine stay home. (Or rather refused to drive him where he wanted to be.)   Related to issues of some other kid giving out vapes at place mine would like to go, and my own not having schoolwork done...      

But I’m feeling bad about it.   

Still, it’s a school night toward end of grading period.  He promised to catch up when I let him spend last weekend with buddies ... but didn’t. (Behind in schoolwork = 2 F’s both in required courses, if he doesn’t get a bunch done this weekend.) 

 

Talk to me, please! 

[Annie G]

I don’t think you were too harsh. School is a priority and he didn’t keep his promise after you him go out last weekend.  He’s old enough to live w consequences when he doesn’t do what he’s supposed to do. 

[ktgrok]

Failing 2 classes is reason enough possibly. 

 

[Farrar]

I mean, I had a similar decision to make and let mine go out and blow off the afternoon and evening. But it was more of a behind on work and mismanaging time thing. No vaping or other "bad" stuff - they just wanted to go see friends they don't see that often and play VR games and watch horror movies.

No one decision lax or strict, good or bad, ruins parenting. You made a good call for getting the work done and keeping them safe. Since you felt bad, maybe there will be a more wholesome, chill moment to say yes to something in the nearish future.

[Arcadia]

Mine stayed home but they aren’t into trick or treat. Here kids dress up for school if the school has a Halloween parade. Else it’s the young kids who are out and any teen out is more on sibling chaperone duty.

Mine are doing their Environmental Science and their English homework if having “partners in suffering” help.

[Catwoman]

Normally, I would have said to let him go, but the vaping thing would have worried me, too. I would have let the schoolwork slide for tonight, because it was Halloween and most kids were probably out doing something fun, but if you even remotely suspected that your son might get involved with the vaping... nope.

[Tanaqui]

In this particular case, given that you're talking about a teenager and not a younger child, I don't think so provided he had ample warning that this was coming down the pike. (I presume you couldn't trust him to just not go to that particular vape-y party, nor Just Say No if he went... though it's the school issues that are fully selling me on this.) Springing it on him at the very last minute, that I'm less cool with.

[lewelma]

I told mine that if he wanted to go he had to find some little kids to take. And he did - a 5 and 7 year old. They had a blast! 

[klmama]

His work wasn't done, he's failing two courses, and he wanted to go out on a school night to a place with unhealthy temptations?  LOL, that's nuts!   IMHO, you totally made the right choice.  In fact, it's so obviously right that I can't believe you'd even ask... except for that stupid mom guilt that occasionally rears its ugly head here, too.  NO GUILT!!!  You did the right thing.  Here's hoping he does, too, and pulls up those grades before quarter end.

[SKL]

A teen doesn't need to trick-or-treat.  Very low grades are a good reason to take it away IMO.

I might feel differently if this was really important to him.  Like if he had put together an awesome costume / group costume with friends, and was excitedly anticipating the day.  But even then, I would take away some privilege to free up time to catch up on those failing classes.  It would have to be pretty bad before I would cancel a birthday, special holiday (that they cared about), or much anticipated social event.

As for what mine did - this is the first year they had a friend over to Trick-or-Treat with them.  They wanted to do a group costume.  Their first plan didn't pan out, so they came up with something silly.  A brief scene from The Music Man where they wear togas (bedsheets, shawls, etc.) and pretend to act out "one Grecian urn ... two Grecian urns ... and a fountain ... trickle trickle."  Whatever!  They had so much fun.  I stayed out of it other than listening to their laughter.  They froze their butts off and didn't get much candy (few houses do candy here).  They warmed up watching The Mummy.  Afterwards, we all went out to dinner for someone's 10/31 birthday.

[MEmama]

Mine did homework, like every night.

Halloween isn’t an interest for him, though. No one in his social circle would be likely to go out; they are way too swamped with schoolwork.

I will add I absolutely think you made the right call, Pen. No mama guilt for making sure your kid is safe. 

[Guest]

No, I think you did the right thing. And it likely will have more of an impact because of the holiday. 

[mumto2]

You were right.

My kids are a bit older and attending a University where many commute including them.  They went to a party that was very low key at a friend’s house on the other side of the campus from us from 7 to 9ish.   It was a give candy to little kids and hang out event.  Dh and I drove them over and went out to dinner and did some shopping near the campus.  I was happy we were driving not the dc’s because the roads were crazy with cars where we suspected drivers under the influence, bikers in dark colors,  and trick or treaters last night.  Very stressful.  

Btw, several of the group were not able to attend because they are swamped with coursework.  I was sort of proud of the friends who made that call.  

[TechWife]

In your case, I think you did the right thing. Failing classes is serious business!

[Pen]

Thank you all!

As an explanation, it wasn’t trick or treating— we are in country area where it would take miles of walking to get from house to house and no one does that.

OTOH it wasn’t a relatively wholesome request like to be a volunteer big kid at local church trunk treat event, nor to help out at Halloween school concert.  It was to go to a local kid hang out house. In and of itself not so bad, but a couple kid who are going there are bad influences (and I have not yet talked to the mom in charge).  Plus as more kids get driver’s licenses they tend to leave house #1 to go over to _____’s farm which seems to have other problems.  Ironically as it is a mostly organic (vegetable and meat) CSA type place. But it seems to be several hundred acres with lots of woods areas and greenhouses and what not to do things without any adult oversight. 

Plus driving on a dark and icy Halloween night itself seemed a problem. Though not one I raised as I might have been assured there’d be no driving.  

Years past it might have been just being up all night watching horror movies.   Which if caught up on schoolwork wouldn’t seem so bad.  

[maize]

Your decision seems reasonable.

My teens came along with the whole family trick or treating--the fourteen year old participated in ToT, sixteen year old just came for the fun of walking with everyone and to help with the littles.

[Miss Mousie]

Nope, not too harsh, especially because he seems not to have learned from last weekend.