Need strategy for handling picky 3yo who is extremely stubborn

[Melinda in VT]

My 3yo's eating (or non-eating) patterns are becoming a major source of stress for DH and I. We need a strategy.

 

The goal is to end up with a child who will eat a variety of healthy foods. It doesn't have to happen immediately, but I need some confidence that we are beginning down the correct path.

 

As it stands now, he will eat most fruits, almost no vegetables, no meat except meatballs (and then only a certain brand and only if the meatballs are not in the sauce), milk and yogurt but no cheese (unless it is in "plain pizza"), and most bread products and cereals. He used to eat black beans, but won't now. He usually eats spaghetti and rice. Mac and cheese is iffy. Any other noodle is right out.

 

He loves peanut butter and has been known to help himself straight out of the jar if it's left within reach.

 

He eats breakfast fine and usually has a peanut butter sandwich at lunch, but he usually only eats bread for dinner. If there is no bread, he will go to bed without any food and wait until breakfast.

 

It's not so much that he dislikes other foods. It's that he flat. out. refuses. to. put. them. in. his. mouth.

 

And it's not just us, either. His preschool teachers told me that he refused to try a pear the other day at snack. They persisted in encouraging him to try it, because they have a rule that kids have to try everything, but they finally gave up.

 

His pickiness almost kept him from being released from the hospital this spring (he was in for dehydration) because he refused to eat anything in the hospital.

 

Help?

[Ria]

I'm a pretty mean mom. I'd probably stop serving all of the stuff he does eat and only give him what the rest of you are eating. I'd go so far as to avoid serving anything he finds acceptable. He'd eat. It might take a day or two, but he'd eat eventually.

 

Lest that sound harsh (and I know it does), I have a nephew who is worse than what you've described. He's 13 now and will eat 6 things. Yep. Six. His parents are concerned now, but for years they were very lenient. So, they've got a child who is going to be obese (both parents are grossly obese) who will only eat pretzels, Kraft Mac & Cheese, one brand & flavor of yogurt, soda, and one brand of frozen chicken nuggets. The pathetic thing is, the parents still indulge the kid for fear that he'll starve (did I mention he's 13??!!). Dh's grandma recently passed away, and after the service there was a reception. Dh said the food was wonderful and was just basic stuff, nothing fancy. SIL brought pretzels so her ds could eat. It's just pathetic.

 

Ria

[Melinda in VT]

I'm a pretty mean mom. I'd probably stop serving all of the stuff he does eat and only give him what the rest of you are eating. I'd go so far as to avoid serving anything he finds acceptable. He'd eat. It might take a day or two, but he'd eat eventually.

 

Lest that sound harsh (and I know it does), I have a nephew who is worse than what you've described. He's 13 now and will eat 6 things. Yep. Six. His parents are concerned now, but for years they were very lenient. So, they've got a child who is going to be obese (both parents are grossly obese) who will only eat pretzels, Kraft Mac & Cheese, one brand & flavor of yogurt, soda, and one brand of frozen chicken nuggets. The pathetic thing is, the parents still indulge the kid for fear that he'll starve (did I mention he's 13??!!). Dh's grandma recently passed away, and after the service there was a reception. Dh said the food was wonderful and was just basic stuff, nothing fancy. SIL brought pretzels so her ds could eat. It's just pathetic.

 

Ria

 

This is what I'm afraid of. The problem is, we've tried serving nothing he likes for dinner. We did it several days in a row. He just ate breakfast, morning snack, and lunch and then nothing until breakfast the next morning.

[Ria]

This is what I'm afraid of. The problem is, we've tried serving nothing he likes for dinner. We did it several days in a row. He just ate breakfast, morning snack, and lunch and then nothing until breakfast the next morning.

 

LOL. You are bigger than he is. Change the rules. Change the food at every meal and snack. Offer something different for breakfast (oatmeal, grits, cream of wheat...you'll find some new things). Lunch can be leftovers from dinners. Snack can be carrot sticks dipped in ranch dressing and cheese sticks.

 

Be creative. You'll win!

 

Ria

[Melissa in FL]

My son was very picky at that age. He lived on PB&J for what seemed like several years. I didn't mind. Now he eats anything, including sushi. I've seen too many children with eating disorders to make food a big deal in my house. My kids eat what they want and what time they want for breakfast, lunch and snacks (no junk food though). They always have the option of PB&J for dinner if they don't like what is served. All three of them have gone through periods of being picky (my son was the worst for the longest time). Now all three will eat anything put in front of them. For me it was not a battle I felt I had to win, there are much more important battles that I must win. I think your child will out grow this. I do make PB&J as healthy as I can. We use natural PB, low sugar jelly, and whole wheat bread.

Melissa

[Remudamom]

But Ria, won't he be scarred for life? Aren't choices his right? Couldn't this be considered.....**gasp**.....

abuse?

 

At three I wouldn't worry much but Ria has a point. Much better to nip picky eating habits than to bring your spoiled brat pretzels to a wedding.

[Melinda in VT]

My son was very picky at that age. He lived on PB&J for what seemed like several years. I didn't mind. Now he eats anything, including sushi. I've seen too many children with eating disorders to make food a big deal in my house. My kids eat what they want and what time they want for breakfast, lunch and snacks (no junk food though). They always have the option of PB&J for dinner if they don't like what is served. All three of them have gone through periods of being picky (my son was the worst for the longest time). Now all three will eat anything put in front of them. For me it was not a battle I felt I had to win, there are much more important battles that I must win. I think your child will out grow this. I do make PB&J as healthy as I can. We use natural PB, low sugar jelly, and whole wheat bread.

Melissa

 

We do the same with our PB&J.

 

During the picky stage, did you keep putting other food on their plates at dinner? (Right now we are putting tiny bits of at least one food he won't currently eat on his plate, but not saying he has to eat it.) Or did you wait for him to ask for the food?

[Pamela H in Texas]

Generally, what Ria described NEVER happens. EVERYONE eventually eats a wide range of food and most of us will eat healthy, at least when we want to. We'll also usually try something new easily enough.

 

MOST very young kids go through a time of eating VERY little and a limited number of different kinds of foods. It's a VERY common parental concern.

 

Generally, he doesn't sound to be all THAT picky and he's eating half decently also. So many kids limit themselves greatly which is much more problematic.

 

However, I wouldn't feed into it. Bread isn't served with every supper. Peanut butter isn't THE lunch. Cereal isn't THE breakfast (and even then, the kind changes). Veggies are more often part of a meal than fruit is. Fruit can be dessert. Encourage TRYING different foods by simply what is available.

 

I do see what Ria is talking about. I think if my kid were REALLY extreme, I'd do that. Generally though, most kids will come along, especially after about 3.5-4 years old, with a little gentler method (ie, allowing them their faves about the same frequency as you'd allow them to eat them anyhow).

 

I really think you'll see a difference in this upcoming year. So few kids continue with this long term.

[Pamela H in Texas]

did you keep putting other food on their plates at dinner? (Right now we are putting tiny bits of at least one food he won't currently eat on his plate, but not saying he has to eat it.) Or did you wait for him to ask for the food?

 

Oh, I'd ABSOLUTELY put it on his plate. I'd be surprised if "waiting for him to ask for it" worked more than rarely!

 

I'm not even against asking them to take a bite. However, this has to be in moderation. Some kids REALLY don't like certain things for whatever reason. But we adults have a food or two like that also so it makes sense kids might. My parents tried to be moderate but with one food, I just could NOT choke it down (it came right back up). To this day I cannot. I'm not sure if it's the texture or what. It's just horrendous (though most people in the world seem to believe it's fine, tasty even). So there has to be balance.

[5kidsforME]

I'm a pretty mean mom. I'd probably stop serving all of the stuff he does eat and only give him what the rest of you are eating. I'd go so far as to avoid serving anything he finds acceptable. He'd eat. It might take a day or two, but he'd eat eventually.

 

Lest that sound harsh (and I know it does), I have a nephew who is worse than what you've described. He's 13 now and will eat 6 things. Yep. Six. His parents are concerned now, but for years they were very lenient. So, they've got a child who is going to be obese (both parents are grossly obese) who will only eat pretzels, Kraft Mac & Cheese, one brand & flavor of yogurt, soda, and one brand of frozen chicken nuggets. The pathetic thing is, the parents still indulge the kid for fear that he'll starve (did I mention he's 13??!!). Dh's grandma recently passed away, and after the service there was a reception. Dh said the food was wonderful and was just basic stuff, nothing fancy. SIL brought pretzels so her ds could eat. It's just pathetic.

 

Ria

 

I agree. Also, if he owuldn't eat it at supper, wrap it up and serve it to him the next day for breakfast, then again for lunch and so on until he tries it. It worked for my middle child! He was very stubborn about new things.

[melissel]

I agree with Pamela. It sounds like he's eating a decent range of foods, and there are relatively healthy options for him. I'd concentrate on those. I'd make sure he has a good range of healthy snacks available to him throughout the day, and then I'd still put food a little of each of the foods on his plate at night. I'd make sure there was something he would eat in the mix each night, because IMO, he won't starve himself, but regular low blood sugars are not good for little bodies (or any bodies, really). It's just a phase, and he'll outgrow it. My DD6 is coming out on the tail end of a very picky phase and is now willing to at least try things, even if she doesn't love them all. And she's finding there are some things she does like, and that's a relief!

[Melinda in VT]

Oh, I'd ABSOLUTELY put it on his plate. I'd be surprised if "waiting for him to ask for it" worked more than rarely!

 

I'm not even against asking them to take a bite. However, this has to be in moderation. Some kids REALLY don't like certain things for whatever reason. But we adults have a food or two like that also so it makes sense kids might. My parents tried to be moderate but with one food, I just could NOT choke it down (it came right back up). To this day I cannot. I'm not sure if it's the texture or what. It's just horrendous (though most people in the world seem to believe it's fine, tasty even). So there has to be balance.

 

Our older kids are allowed to keep a list of up to three foods they don't have to eat.

 

I could understand the little guy not liking some foods, but since he's never put them in his mouth . . .

[5kidsforME]

Our older kids are allowed to keep a list of up to three foods they don't have to eat.

 

I could understand the little guy not liking some foods, but since he's never put them in his mouth . . .

 

 

That is what happened with my middle child, he wouldn't even TRY anything. So I kept feeding him the new things until he would eat them. Some he liked and some he didn't. It worked.

 

ETA: It worked for US. Everyone chooses to parent differently. I am not saying my way is the only way. ;)

Edited November 17, 2008 by Momto4kids

[Alice]

Most studies show that most kids eventually eat what they are used to seeing parents, and specifically Mom eat. So if Mom eats a healthy well-balanced diet eventually kid will eat that way. There are always going to be exceptions to that but I think most kids will come around...the trick is what eventually means. :) It might be many many years.

 

I've shared this here before with other similar questions but I was one of those extremely picky eaters as a child. It really wasn't simply a question of behaviour or will or my trying to be in control...although it might have been some of that. But I can remember being asked to just try a small bite and just the thought of the food or the texture or the smell would make me feel ill. I don't think I would have "come around" and started liking other foods if forced to try them...I might have eventually eaten them if hungry enough but that's not the same as liking them or developing good eating habits. Now as an adult I eat pretty well....more fruits and veggies than most adults I know, pretty much any ethnic cuisine, etc. My Mom still comes to my house, looks in my fridge and says things like "Oh, sweetie you have squash. I'm so proud of you." :)

 

I'm lucky in that my own kids aren't that picky. But when they have gone through picky phases this has been our approach. We always have something at every meal we know they eat. Not always the same thing like bread but something. I won't make something totally different than what everyone else is eating but if my son wants to go get an apple or banana and eat it instead of what we're having he can do that. He has to be polite...no saying it's yucky, etc. He must say no thank you if he doesn't want something. Most of the time we ask him to try one bite and he usually will. If it's something I know he doesn't like or he really is averse to I don't force the issue.

 

I'd probably pick some kind of rules that don't involve making this into a huge battle.

Edited November 17, 2008 by Alice

[Pamela H in Texas]

There was also a link at some point that talked about how different taste buds are for littles and that it's actually a protection. This especially makes some veggies difficult though. But it's just during the toddler/preschool years that there is that factor so you'll see school-agers like the broccoli they once hated and such.

 

Lots of littles don't like meat because of the chewing. I'm sure that is why chicken nuggets are a fave <sigh>. But where I HATED meat as a child, I eat more than enough now. And little bodies really need quite a LITTLE bit of meat anyway.

 

Just some other tidbits to help mom relax :)

[Ria]

Most studies show that most kids eventually eat what they are used to seeing parents, and specifically Mom eat. So if Mom eats a healthy well-balanced diet eventually kid will eat that way. There are always going to be exceptions to that but I think most kids will come around...the trick is what eventually means. :) It might be many many years.

 

This would make sense...my nephew's parents are horribly picky themselves. SIL won't touch a vegetable, ever. I gave up inviting them for meals because they'd refuse to even try what I fixed. No wonder my nephew is a mess.

 

Ria

[Kathy in MD]

This is just a ***remote**** possibility, but worth considering if your ds is extra sensitve to textures and touch on his skin. Some individuals have problems processing sensory imput and this can affect their ability to handle the texture of food. This problem is called Sensory Processing Dysfunction and a good book to read about it is The Out-of-Sync Child.

 

However I repeat, this is just a possibility.

[Melinda in VT]

This is just a ***remote**** possibility, but worth considering if your ds is extra sensitve to textures and touch on his skin. Some individuals have problems processing sensory imput and this can affect their ability to handle the texture of food. This problem is called Sensory Processing Dysfunction and a good book to read about it is The Out-of-Sync Child.

 

However I repeat, this is just a possibility.

 

All of my kids have signs of Sensory Processing Dysfunction (and so do/did I, as a matter of fact) but DH and I don't agree on pursuing diagnosis and treatment, and so far the issues aren't getting in the way of life enough for me to force the issue.

 

I thought of SPD for this, but I don't think my son has gotten close enough to the foods in question to know what their texture is.:glare:

[Melinda in VT]

That is what happened with my middle child, he wouldn't even TRY anything. So I kept feeding him the new things until he would eat them. Some he liked and some he didn't. It worked.

 

ETA: It worked for US. Everyone chooses to parent differently. I am not saying my way is the only way. ;)

 

I'm sorry to be so dense, but can you explain what you mean by "kept feeding him the new things"? Did you physically put the food in his mouth? Put it on his plate and ask him to try it? Have it on the table and ask if he wanted some?

[5kidsforME]

I'm sorry to be so dense, but can you explain what you mean by "kept feeding him the new things"? Did you physically put the food in his mouth? Put it on his plate and ask him to try it? Have it on the table and ask if he wanted some?

 

Each meal I would serve the same thing until he would at least try it. Lets say I wanted him to try pancakes and he refused them for breakfast. I would give him pancakes at lunch then dinner, until he would try them. If he didn't like it that was fine but he had to at least try it.

[happyWImom]

This is what I'm afraid of. The problem is, we've tried serving nothing he likes for dinner. We did it several days in a row. He just ate breakfast, morning snack, and lunch and then nothing until breakfast the next morning.

 

Same here. Then, my ds will gorge himself on breakfast. The bad news is, if ds skips dinner, many times he will be sick and throw up in the am, so skipping isn't an option for us. Also, he is a gagger. He convinces himself that he will not like it, so even if we somehow convince him to try "just one bite" he gags, says "see, I told you I wouldn't like it!" and that's that.

 

The other night, we had pizza and it had mushrooms totally inbedded in the cheese, so I picked out as much as I could, but you really could still see them. So, we ate dinner on the couch, watching a show in the dark, other than the tv! He did eat it though. Maybe that's the answer-eating in the dark so he can't see it.:lol:

[Ellie]

In our home, our picky eater was served what the rest of us were eating. We didn't make a big deal of it, didn't make her eat food from breakfast at dinner, didn't make her take a bite of things. We just served what we served. She either ate it or didn't; no between-meal snacks, either.

[Jen500]

I have a very strong-willed 3 yr old. He was extremely picky about food. I read "Child of Mine, Feeding with Love and Good Sense" by Ellyn Satter. The ideas in this book were extremely helpful--my son now eats a variety of food, mealtimes are NOT a battle, and I am much less stressed about the whole issue.

http://www.amazon.com/Child-Mine-Feeding-Love-Sense/dp/0923521518/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1226955114&sr=8-1

 

I haven't read any of her other books. Basically, you decide what foods to bring into the house and offer, and the child decides if and how much to eat. I continually put food on the table, much of which my son would not even try. I did always put something nutritious out too, that I knew he would eat. I never made a big deal of whether he tried the new foods or not. Sometimes I'd ask him if he wanted to try something, and if he said "no" that was fine. Eventually, he decided (one food at a time) that he wanted to try the foods that the rest of us were eating.

Why make eating and dinnertime a battle? You really can't force a kid to eat. I think if I tried to serve my son his uneaten dinner for breakfast, or force him to try foods we'd still be battling today about food.

[myfunnybunch]

My Mom still comes to my house, looks in my fridge and says things like "Oh, sweetie you have squash. I'm so proud of you." :)

 

Bwahahahahaha! This is my dream. Some day I hope to open my picky eater's fridge and find squash. Or any kind of vegetable, for that matter.

 

To the OP, I agree with Alice. As a matter of fact, our mealtime rules are very similar to hers. My children run the gamut from eats-anything to the guy who would exist on noodles, apples and pancakes. For a 3 y.o. I wouldn't make an issue of trying new foods. (An 8 y.o. I might insist and continue to serve the same meal over and over, but threes are still little.)

 

We put a variety of foods on the table. Everyone has to have something green on his or her plate, but they don't have to eat it. We've finally gotten to the point with our pickiest that he doesn't mind non-preferred foods on his plate.

 

Family rule: You can't say "I don't like it" until you've tried it.

 

We gently encourage. I will sometimes ask my most particular guy to try a taste of a food he doesn't care for before another helping of a favorite food(or three bites, or just smell it....depending on the food), but I try to be very careful in this area because I don't want to turn it into a power struggle. So far he's been willing to go along.

 

And we don't prepare special food for the particular. No matter how much a child doesn't like what we've got on the table. If they want to wait until breakfast, or help themselves to the fruit bowl, that's fine.

 

And for fun, my picky guy and rice:

http://myfunnybunch.blogspot.com/2008/02/nearly-wordless-wednesday-rice.html

He LOVES rice now.

 

Cat

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

Melinda, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but it sounds like eating is not the only issue w/ your little guy. Is he also stubborn when it comes to other things? Are you appeasing his every want and need most of the day?

 

First of all, as a parent I would make sure not to show fret or worry or anxiety in any way about this to my child. If you are bothered by what he is doing, he is likely picking up on that. I would not make meals that revolve around his preferences, not to say that I'd never make him things that he liked.

 

Could you have him "help" you in the kitchen during meal prep on occasion? Encourage him and have him be part of this process. Smile a lot, hug him a lot, encourage him. When it's mealtime, sit down w/ the meal and do no explaining. Light candles, make dinner a pleasant experience. Put small helpings on each plate. If he complains, mention that this is the entree. Now, I would not allow any complaining at my table, and deal w/ it accordingly. However, you have to examine that for yourself and your family.

 

I have found that my husband is better to deal w/ our boys regarding matters like this. I would also feature a delicious dessert (w/o telling him about it) after the meal. If he has not eaten his dessert, you kindly mention to him that he will not be able to indulge since his supper isn't eaten. No explanations. Just matter of fact. This can be done lovingly, firmly, and finitely. Let him know you are confident. Be firm. This will obviously be hard for a time, until he understands the expectations. You are setting an expectation that will be not only for mealtimes, but for your home in general. He should understand that his parents love him and are doing what is best.

 

If you are finding that making such changes are just as stressful to you (because they can be!), take a deep breath and remember to spend time w/ your little boy throughout the day doing things he likes to do once in awhile. Chat with him, listen to what he has to say. Let him know you are truly interested in him.

 

You can do this! Your little boy is going to grow up quickly, and the importance of setting the expectation is crucial when he is little.

 

I apologize if I'm telling you things you already know about.

 

Blessings,

Camy

[KatieJ]

OUr grandaughter is a picky eater, has always been, but she is just 2.

Her pediatrician suggested they explore sensory issues as she is wierd about tags on her clothes and just plain doens't touch things that seem wierd to her.

 

A little positive support here, a problem isn't always what it appears to be on the surface.

[GoVanGogh]

OUr grandaughter is a picky eater, has always been, but she is just 2.

Her pediatrician suggested they explore sensory issues as she is wierd about tags on her clothes and just plain doesn't touch things that seem wierd to her.

My 7-year-old DS has sensory processing issues. He was diagnosed around age 2.5.

He has a long list of foods he can't stand. But I have found that for every food he won't touch, there is an 'equally healthy' food that he loves. Example: He won't touch carrots, but loves sweet potatoes and winter squash. He won't eat peas, green beans or broccoli but loves raw spinach and edamame. For veggies, I just try to have one on the table that I know he will eat. Sometimes he may eat that and nothing else, but I figure overall he is still probably eating more variety than most kids.

My DS doesn't care for many of the traditional child-friendly foods and appears 'picky' to people that are not familiar with him. Ex: He won't eat chicken nuggets because he doesn't like the texture of the meat. He hates pizza and spaghetti. (Any and all sauce is 'too hot.') So if you see that side of him, you think 'picky eater.' But he will eat sushi and clam chowder, which my DH won't even try. :tongue_smilie:

[Kathy in MD]

All of my kids have signs of Sensory Processing Dysfunction (and so do/did I, as a matter of fact) but DH and I don't agree on pursuing diagnosis and treatment, and so far the issues aren't getting in the way of life enough for me to force the issue.

 

I thought of SPD for this, but I don't think my son has gotten close enough to the foods in question to know what their texture is.:glare:

 

It's very possible that you and your dc only have a few symptoms of SPD but don't really have SPD (think of all the misdiagnosed ADHD cases), or that you only have mild SPD. That's great.

 

But I still think SPD and its possible treatment is something for the OP to consider. SPD can be far more pervasive than just being a picky eater. My dh's SPD, relatively mild, adversely affects certain areas of our lives. However diagnosising and treating my ds with severe SPD has been a life saver for all involved. It affected far more than his sensitivity to textures and touch.

[Melinda in VT]

It's very possible that you and your dc only have a few symptoms of SPD but don't really have SPD (think of all the misdiagnosed ADHD cases), or that you only have mild SPD. That's great.

 

But I still think SPD and its possible treatment is something for the OP to consider. SPD can be far more pervasive than just being a picky eater. My dh's SPD, relatively mild, adversely affects certain areas of our lives. However diagnosising and treating my ds with severe SPD has been a life saver for all involved. It affected far more than his sensitivity to textures and touch.

 

I am the OP.:001_smile:

 

It's tough to keep everyone straight in a thread, I know. I do appreciate you mentioning SPD, and I will continue to keep that in mind.

[Melinda in VT]

Melinda, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but it sounds like eating is not the only issue w/ your little guy. Is he also stubborn when it comes to other things? Are you appeasing his every want and need most of the day?

 

First of all, as a parent I would make sure not to show fret or worry or anxiety in any way about this to my child. If you are bothered by what he is doing, he is likely picking up on that. I would not make meals that revolve around his preferences, not to say that I'd never make him things that he liked.

 

Could you have him "help" you in the kitchen during meal prep on occasion? Encourage him and have him be part of this process. Smile a lot, hug him a lot, encourage him. When it's mealtime, sit down w/ the meal and do no explaining. Light candles, make dinner a pleasant experience. Put small helpings on each plate. If he complains, mention that this is the entree. Now, I would not allow any complaining at my table, and deal w/ it accordingly. However, you have to examine that for yourself and your family.

 

I have found that my husband is better to deal w/ our boys regarding matters like this. I would also feature a delicious dessert (w/o telling him about it) after the meal. If he has not eaten his dessert, you kindly mention to him that he will not be able to indulge since his supper isn't eaten. No explanations. Just matter of fact. This can be done lovingly, firmly, and finitely. Let him know you are confident. Be firm. This will obviously be hard for a time, until he understands the expectations. You are setting an expectation that will be not only for mealtimes, but for your home in general. He should understand that his parents love him and are doing what is best.

 

If you are finding that making such changes are just as stressful to you (because they can be!), take a deep breath and remember to spend time w/ your little boy throughout the day doing things he likes to do once in awhile. Chat with him, listen to what he has to say. Let him know you are truly interested in him.

 

You can do this! Your little boy is going to grow up quickly, and the importance of setting the expectation is crucial when he is little.

 

I apologize if I'm telling you things you already know about.

 

Blessings,

Camy

 

Camy, I appreciate your taking the time to respond. I've been thinking about your post all evening.

 

It's true that the little guy is a bit spoiled. He's the youngest, separated from the next oldest kids (twins) by 6 years. And we live in an inn, so there are times when keeping him quiet has to take precedence over discipline. Unfortunately.

 

And since the older kids are in public school, he has lots of 1-1 time with Daddy while I work (from home). And he's almost always with me when I'm not working. So it does at times feel like the world revolves around him.

 

But, having said that, he has regular bed and nap times. He's toilet trained. He sits in time out when I put him there. I don't think he's unusually difficult in other ways.

 

He does love to help us cook, but if anything that makes him less likely to eat the food because then he can see what goes in it. :tongue_smilie: He loves to bless the food, and almost always thanks my DH for cooking dinner--even if he won't touch a bite of it. He likes most desserts, but will miss even his favorite rather than try a new food. He goes to his room, sits on his bed and cries while we eat it.

 

Anyway, thanks again for your comments. I'll continue to mull things over.

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

Melinda, your circumstances are very unique. Now that you have identified the issues that you may not want to continue, it just takes a bit of time to brainstorm the right solution for your family. Your guy sounds like a funny little character. I like your comment that if he helps prepare foods, then he sees what goes in them and is turned off by that. LOL! I just love little boys....they can be such characters. Here's one more idea, the next time you eat supper, get out the video or digital camera. Become a news anchor/reporter and give a report of the actual happenings/behavior at the table. If he begins throwing a fit or fussing, I'd play it up like it was a worldclass sporting event. We have done this with temper tantrums. LOL> The main thing is to still show that you "like" your little guy, because as you likely know, it is easy for a small, fussy boy to get on a mother's nerves really quickly (I sure can attest to this!!!). Good luck! If you see progress, I'd love it if you would report it back to us here. It is certain you are not the only one dealing w/ this issue. Blessings!

[Joanne]

Does he do other chores willingly?

[Melinda in VT]

Does he do other chores willingly?

 

Sometimes. We're working on it.

 

For example, we're trying to get him in the habit of clearing his dinner dishes like the other kids. Last night, that request produced a meltdown. He sat in timeout for 3 minutes, and then I had to help him break down the task ("which would you like to do first? your silverware, your plate, or your cup?") but he did do it.

[Danestress]

He's still so young. I would try to lower the conflict by giving him things I know he likes, and just trying to get fruit into him, and peanut butter and dairy products for protein.

 

When he's a little older and can be reasoned with, I would start getting firmer about this. At six, I would be willing to have a more of a power struggle and would be determined to win it. But at three? I just wouldn't choose to battle this too hard right now.

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

Good job, Melinda. Great way to help him figure out what to do, despite his frustration. I like your little guy! I have had a few boys do the same thing. Keep up the good work :O). Blessings.

[SonshineLearner]

My daughter ate everything and my son eats nothing. He'll eat some desserts....but as far as food, although it's getting better at 5.5...he will eat chicken nuggets, my mom's homemade whole wheat bread(he survived on that for a couple of years it seems) and some fruit. He'll eat some veggies, but sit at a meal and eat a regular meal? NO....I convinced myself that he had some sensory problem.

I did not want to be like my brother's, best friends house. You eat 5 peas and daddy will eat 5 peas. You do this or I'll do this.....On and on his whole life! SO, I just decided that for us dinner is family time and has more to do than what he can eat. I put separate food down almost every night. But it's simple. We have spaghetti, he gets plain noodles (he'll finally eat them) Any night he won't eat any of our dinner, he gets homemade bread with butter and maybe a fruit. I don't make an elaborate meal for him. No child will die with bread, butter and Milk for dinner. And, it saves the peace without him being what I considered "spoiled."

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

From over here in left field.....

 

I noticed that most of his self-approved foods are breads.

 

While it is true that little ones just really like bread and crackers because they are bland and easy, it can also be a sign of an intolerance. Especially with celiac disease, little children often crave gluten even though it is the one thing they should never eat. They will want to *only* eat starches.

 

My four sons all have celiac disease, so that is always the first thought for me. Do you have any history of it in your family?

[Melinda in VT]

From over here in left field.....

 

I noticed that most of his self-approved foods are breads.

 

While it is true that little ones just really like bread and crackers because they are bland and easy, it can also be a sign of an intolerance. Especially with celiac disease, little children often crave gluten even though it is the one thing they should never eat. They will want to *only* eat starches.

 

My four sons all have celiac disease, so that is always the first thought for me. Do you have any history of it in your family?

 

We don't. The little I know of it came from talking to a friend whose son was being tested for it. (He ended up not having it.)

 

I haven't noticed any symptoms (his intestinal tract seems fine and he's very tall for his age), but thanks for mentioning it. It's always good to hear all the possibilities.

[LilyK]

Sigh!, Big Sigh! If I had to do it all over again, I would go the route of Ria's first post. I tried to coddle him and do backward somersaults for him,because,"My little baby wasn't eating?" It it called food, and he was willing to put it in his mouth, I was willing to let him have it. Now, I have a guy who is 3 times the age and size of your little guys, still picky, with horrible eating habits. This is one of my major failings.

[Joanne]

Sigh!, Big Sigh! If I had to do it all over again, I would go the route of Ria's first post. I tried to coddle him and do backward somersaults for him,because,"My little baby wasn't eating?" It it called food, and he was willing to put it in his mouth, I was willing to let him have it. Now, I have a guy who is 3 times the age and size of your little guys, still picky, with horrible eating habits. This is one of my major failings.

 

:grouphug:

 

Food/eating style is one area I want a "do-over" in as well.

[Jacquelyn in NC]

I have a moderately picky dd7 who is starting to come around and try more foods. Recently she moved cauliflower from the "not with a 10-foot pole" group to the "please make it again" group. I asked her what she had done with my daughter! :001_smile:

 

We only have two rules about food in our house. First, if you won't at least try each food served, there is nothing until the next meal. Sometimes this gets her to try a new food, sometimes she decides it's an acceptable trade-off. Second, there is no room at the table for an attitude. There's a huge difference between "No thank you" and "Eww!! That's looks disgusting!" If they do the latter, they get a double portion of what I would have given them normally, and eating it becomes mandatory. I think I've had to enforce that rule only twice.

[CalicoKat]

My 3yo's eating (or non-eating) patterns are becoming a major source of stress for DH and I. We need a strategy.

 

The goal is to end up with a child who will eat a variety of healthy foods. It doesn't have to happen immediately, but I need some confidence that we are beginning down the correct path.

 

As it stands now, he will eat most fruits, almost no vegetables, no meat except meatballs (and then only a certain brand and only if the meatballs are not in the sauce), milk and yogurt but no cheese (unless it is in "plain pizza"), and most bread products and cereals. He used to eat black beans, but won't now. He usually eats spaghetti and rice. Mac and cheese is iffy. Any other noodle is right out.

 

He loves peanut butter and has been known to help himself straight out of the jar if it's left within reach.

 

He eats breakfast fine and usually has a peanut butter sandwich at lunch, but he usually only eats bread for dinner. If there is no bread, he will go to bed without any food and wait until breakfast.

 

It's not so much that he dislikes other foods. It's that he flat. out. refuses. to. put. them. in. his. mouth.

 

And it's not just us, either. His preschool teachers told me that he refused to try a pear the other day at snack. They persisted in encouraging him to try it, because they have a rule that kids have to try everything, but they finally gave up.

 

His pickiness almost kept him from being released from the hospital this spring (he was in for dehydration) because he refused to eat anything in the hospital.

 

Help?

I serve a portion of the healthy stuff right onto my 3 yo's plate. Then I stragetically place the bowl of what he really likes next to Daddy (his table partner).

 

One bite of the healthy stuff = One piece of the "good stuff." (usually fruit)

 

It's a balanced approach. :001_smile:

[bumbledeb]

The variety he is eating right now isn't too bad.

 

Are mealtimes generally a positive, happy experience for the whole family?

 

Does he know that his eating habits are making you anxious?

 

If it's any comfort, I had the world's pickiest eater at that age. He was actually scared to put anything in his mouth that he wasn't absolutely sure he already liked. He's sixteen now, tall, broad, very strong and healthy and eats a healthy variety of foods, including food he doesn't particularly like. He is conscientious about eating healthily and encourages his younger siblings to do likewise.

 

I'd advise making zero fuss about this. Serve him food he likes. Set a good example yourself. He'll most likely grow out of it.

[gardening momma]

there is no room at the table for an attitude. There's a huge difference between "No thank you" and "Eww!! That's looks disgusting!" If they do the latter, they get a double portion of what I would have given them normally, and eating it becomes mandatory. I think I've had to enforce that rule only twice.

We had this rule when I was growing up--and it had a distinct name, "double portion". If we said "ew", "yuck", or something similar, we got double portion, which we had to eat.

[gardening momma]

When my dad was a child, he refused to eat his peas at one meal, so his mom gave him the entire serving bowl of peas. She said he had to eat them, and if he didn't, he'd have them for breakfast the next day, then lunch, etc... until he finished eating them. He ate them that first night at supper, and actually liked peas from then on. But I don't think he was 3. :001_smile: