Tanaqui Posted July 15, 2018 Share Posted July 15, 2018 I, too, would be thrilled to find out that he's only weirdly aggressive about this one specific issue and that everywhere else he's a normal or even exemplary partner. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 (edited) That’s obnoxious of him to come into the bathroom without knocking and getting your permission first. The fact that he picks locks and breaks into the bathroom when you asked him not to tells me he has abusive tendencies. Frankly, I would get a locksmith to put a lock on the door that is break-in proof and use it. Full stop. Edited August 1, 2018 by Reefgazer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 Our bathroom has the toilet in it's own little room so that's not as annoying but just once I would love to have a full shower/get dressed/dry hair without being bothered. I can't lock the door because we have french doors. Who ever thought that was a good idea? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 1 minute ago, ashfern said: Our bathroom has the toilet in it's own little room so that's not as annoying but just once I would love to have a full shower/get dressed/dry hair without being bothered. I can't lock the door because we have french doors. Who ever thought that was a good idea? They do make locks for french doors. Or, you can get your point across with a hair scrunchy or bungee cord. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 1 hour ago, ashfern said: Our bathroom has the toilet in it's own little room so that's not as annoying but just once I would love to have a full shower/get dressed/dry hair without being bothered. I can't lock the door because we have french doors. Who ever thought that was a good idea? Still not a good idea. If you were to list one room that people most want complete privacy, I'd say it was the bathroom. I am assuming that the doors have big glass areas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 1 hour ago, shawthorne44 said: Still not a good idea. If you were to list one room that people most want complete privacy, I'd say it was the bathroom. I am assuming that the doors have big glass areas. Thankfully this house has solid doors. Our old house did indeed have glass french doors into the bathroom. Very annoying when one is trying to sleep & the bathroom light was turned on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 (edited) On 7/13/2018 at 7:01 AM, school17777 said: There is a lock on the door, but he will just unlock it. Even figured out how to unlock the door at the beach the other day. He knows I can’t stand him him in the bathroom when I’m using it, but he doesn’t care/respect that. He acts like it’s the first time hearing that it every time and he thinks I’m being ridiculous not wanting my husband in the bathroom when I’m using it. does he get "off" on being in there with you? if you stood there staring at him with a camera when he was doing his business - would he object? maybe get the message to STAY OUT when it's your turn? does he think you're having fun in there and he's getting left out? does he realize his behavior isn't juvenile - it's babyish. baby must have mommy at all times and only gets a moments peace when she goes to the bathroom. eta: that he will unlock the door to be in there with you makes me think this is not about privacy in the bathroom, but his control, or perhaps something else. this is a big flag to me. Edited August 2, 2018 by gardenmom5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 4 hours ago, ashfern said: Our bathroom has the toilet in it's own little room so that's not as annoying but just once I would love to have a full shower/get dressed/dry hair without being bothered. I can't lock the door because we have french doors. Who ever thought that was a good idea? someone with an open floor plan master - bath with NO doors. . . . . (I had a friend whose master was like that. and my brother just bought an older house like that.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 I saw this thread had been bumped back up to the top and I was hoping the OP had posted an update. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarasue7272 Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 On 7/13/2018 at 2:45 PM, scholastica said: Ok. I thought of the same approach but didn’t post!! This must be a valid solution! I was actually thinking air horn... 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 On 7/13/2018 at 11:35 AM, Catwoman said: I have been thinking about this. If calm discussion, heated discussion, and even a locked door doesn’t work, maybe it’s time for a different approach. You know how they say that if you want to keep the cat off the kitchen counter, give him a spritz or water from a water gun every time you catch him up there? Well... how about every time the OP’s husband walks in on her while she’s on the toilet, she blasts him with a Super Soaker? I’m only half kidding about this. Maybe less than half kidding. Okay, I’m totally not kidding. Whether she warns him about it in advance or not is up to her. ? if he wants to act like an animal that doesn't want to control itself - he has no cause to complain about being treated like an animal that can't control itself. (says kristen, who is trying to teach puppy he can't jump up on the coffee table - now that he's big enough.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 1 hour ago, Catwoman said: I saw this thread had been bumped back up to the top and I was hoping the OP had posted an update. DH was just asking me about this thread. When I said OP hadn't been back he said it was the ultimate troll job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 13 minutes ago, Katy said: DH was just asking me about this thread. When I said OP hadn't been back he said it was the ultimate troll job. Hmm. I thought she was a long-time poster. But given the subject matter and our responses (justifiable concern IMHO) she may not want to respond at this time. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippiemamato3 Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 17 minutes ago, Katy said: DH was just asking me about this thread. When I said OP hadn't been back he said it was the ultimate troll job. OP has 2300+ posts and has posted in other threads since. It may have gotten too uncomfortable for her to respond. I hope she is ok. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 Posters don’t owe us updates especially on very personal and tricky topics. I’m sure that it was hard enough to get up the courage to ask the question in the first place. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 OK, I read this whole thread a little while ago, and I didn't post because I didn't want to do a pile on, but I can't shake the feeling that I should say something about this. Which is: IT SOUNDS THREATENING. I mean, there you are, at your most vulnerable, having very clearly set a boundary which is being lied about, obviously uncomfortable, and there is this absolute insistence, beyond the point of rudeness all the way to aggressive behavior (because picking a lock is definitely aggressive!)--what is that except threatening/intimidating? This isn't just kinky or weird or rude. It's just about an attack. Thiiis close. And that is entirely unacceptable. PS I only know one couple who agreed on the 'in the bathroom while on the toilet' thing, and I still think it's weird. So... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 Long time poster. Not a troll!! And I simply hoped that she would be comfortable participating regularly on the forums, after this thread. She has every right to let it die (or hope it will)! We all have a lot of assumptions, opinions, and advice. But we don't really know what's going on in her home, or how serious this is (or isn't), or anything. And I hope we get to keep our forum friend. I don't regret anything that any of us said, but you know what, we said it. Ball's in her court and we aren't owed a thing. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 1 hour ago, Liz CA said: Hmm. I thought she was a long-time poster. But given the subject matter and our responses (justifiable concern IMHO) she may not want to respond at this time. she is. just not prolific - but at 2300+ posts - not a troll. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 (edited) edited, because it is clearly no longer necessary. Edited August 2, 2018 by Quill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 2 hours ago, Liz CA said: Hmm. I thought she was a long-time poster. But given the subject matter and our responses (justifiable concern IMHO) she may not want to respond at this time. She is not a troll. She is a lovely, real human being whom I have met in person. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 1 hour ago, Tibbie Dunbar said: Long time poster. Not a troll!! And I simply hoped that she would be comfortable participating regularly on the forums, after this thread. She has every right to let it die (or hope it will)! We all have a lot of assumptions, opinions, and advice. But we don't really know what's going on in her home, or how serious this is (or isn't), or anything. And I hope we get to keep our forum friend. I don't regret anything that any of us said, but you know what, we said it. Ball's in her court and we aren't owed a thing. I agree, Tibbie. I was surprised to see that the thread had been bumped after more than 2 weeks of inactivity, so I was hoping the OP had returned to post a happy update that everything had worked out. I don't think anyone believes that we are entitled to an update, but I’m sure many of us have clicked on this thread today hoping to read some good news. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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