Who should get the bedrooms?

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, PeterPan said:

Well that at least explains why you're feeling frustrated, because you have maternal concern for him. That's tough. In general, when I've stayed with family or had family stay with us (all kinds of funky situations), people have always moved beds as a way to shows graciousness and concern. You give your guests your best beds, end of discussion. So it's not so much the not having the beds that bothers you as that they don't seem to be welcoming or wanting them to feel wanted or comfortable. And that's rough. And if people were perfect, well that would be some kind of strange tv show and not reality, lol. I'm with you, it would be nice if they made SOME kind of effort. 

The kids are old enough to pipe up and refuse to go. Do they have the legal power to say they don't want to go? 

 

College girl.....well she will be home for the summer soon.....I doubt she has anywhere else to go.  Her mother is deceased.  17 year old has to legally go until he is 18....but in all practicality he just tells his mom what he wants to do and she is 'ok' with it.  He would have a terrible time telling her he doesn't want to go anymore....it was really hard on him to tell her he wanted to come live with us.

[PeterPan]

The problem with not self-advocating is it's saying you have to take abuse and hurt and piled on mess. So sometimes self-advocating hurts and is the right thing to do. Maybe his needs are not getting noticed and he does some mature problem solving. (Hey, I'm really uncomfortable being stuck on the couch. If we can't work out an actual bed, can I come over two afternoons instead of overnight, blah blah)

It's hard to distance yourself from parental stupidity, and it's not fun to have to grow up sooner. Can that college girl find someone to live with? Is she going to work? Freshman don't get a lot of job offers, unfortunately. Maybe work at a camp?

[frogger]

6 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

 

College girl.....well she will be home for the summer soon.....I doubt she has anywhere else to go.  Her mother is deceased.  17 year old has to legally go until he is 18....but in all practicality he just tells his mom what he wants to do and she is 'ok' with it.  He would have a terrible time telling her he doesn't want to go anymore....it was really hard on him to tell her he wanted to come live with us.

This sounds so familiar. :(  

Maybe they will switch things up when summer comes. And at least 17 year old has a good home base where he can feel appreciated and supported.

 

 

[regentrude]

15 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I don't know how you got that I think it is 'bad' from me explaining that they are adults who returned home.  Bedrooms were set up for the college girl and 17 year old boy.....adults moved back in and displaced the youngers.

No. People who came to live at the house full time got bedrooms of those who are there only occasionally. 

Which to me makes perfect sense. But yes, you mentioning over and over again that these young people are adults sounds like you have an issue with that aspect specifically.

 

[Scarlett]

4 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

The problem with not self-advocating is it's saying you have to take abuse and hurt and piled on mess. So sometimes self-advocating hurts and is the right thing to do. Maybe his needs are not getting noticed and he does some mature problem solving. (Hey, I'm really uncomfortable being stuck on the couch. If we can't work out an actual bed, can I come over two afternoons instead of overnight, blah blah)

It's hard to distance yourself from parental stupidity, and it's not fun to have to grow up sooner. Can that college girl find someone to live with? Is she going to work? Freshman don't get a lot of job offers, unfortunately. Maybe work at a camp?

With the 17 year old...yes. Exactly.  So where I run in to problems is trying to help him put a voice to how he really feels.  I mean if he is fine with sleeping on a blow up bed in the living room where his step sister is sleeping on the sofa....great.  I don't have judgment about HIS choice. And I don't want to make him feel bad about his mom.   But if he is miserable.....physically and emotionally.....then I want to let him know he is not being unreasonable.  

[regentrude]

10 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

College girl.....well she will be home for the summer soon.....I doubt she has anywhere else to go.  Her mother is deceased.  

So I guess since this is the man's daughter and your DSS is the woman's son, there is no playing favorites here. It's not like one parent's children are favored and the other parents' children are pushed aside, in which situation I could understand the concern. But this does not seem to be the case at all.

[Scarlett]

7 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

The problem with not self-advocating is it's saying you have to take abuse and hurt and piled on mess. So sometimes self-advocating hurts and is the right thing to do. Maybe his needs are not getting noticed and he does some mature problem solving. (Hey, I'm really uncomfortable being stuck on the couch. If we can't work out an actual bed, can I come over two afternoons instead of overnight, blah blah)

It's hard to distance yourself from parental stupidity, and it's not fun to have to grow up sooner. Can that college girl find someone to live with? Is she going to work? Freshman don't get a lot of job offers, unfortunately. Maybe work at a camp?

I don't think she has anyone.  She is coming home for the summer. And yes she is looking for work for this summer while she is home. That is why she was there last weekend....looking for work.

[bolt.]

For the summer, I think the college girl really needs to get her room back full time. You do not want a young lady casually couch surfing for a summer — either at home or among friends. She needs both roots and safety.

The young men can work out 2 to a room, one on the couch as needed for the summer.

[Scarlett]

5 minutes ago, regentrude said:

No. People who came to live at the house full time got bedrooms of those who are there only occasionally. 

Which to me makes perfect sense. But yes, you mentioning over and over again that these young people are adults sounds like you have an issue with that aspect specifically.

 

Only as it relates to dependent youngsters being put out of their rooms.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Scarlett, somehow I missed that this was your stepson's other home. Of course, you care whether he's comfortable and happy, and of course he is your business. I thought you said it wasn't about your family, which is why I said to MYOB. 

 

[bolt.]

Can you repurpose any part of the home that is not usually a bedroom into some kind of semi-private cubby for one of the young men for the summer months?

I’m thinking freestanding shelves used as partitions or something like that.

[regentrude]

2 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Only as it relates to dependent youngsters being put out of their rooms.

would you feel the same if the rooms had been given to younger siblings?

In many families who don't have enough bedrooms for each kid, the room of a kid who moves to college always goes to the next sibling who can move out of a shared room.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, bolt. said:

Can you repurpose any part of the home that is not usually a bedroom into some kind of semi-private cubby for one of the young men for the summer months?

I’m thinking freestanding shelves used as partitions or something like that.

It isn't my home Bolt.  But it is apparently about 1000 sf so I don't think there is any room anywhere.

[Amy in NH]

I'd bunk up the two grown resident kids, and turn the other bedroom into a spare to be used by either of the occasional visiting kid.

[frogger]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

With the 17 year old...yes. Exactly.  So where I run in to problems is trying to help him put a voice to how he really feels.  I mean if he is fine with sleeping on a blow up bed in the living room where his step sister is sleeping on the sofa....great.  I don't have judgment about HIS choice. And I don't want to make him feel bad about his mom.   But if he is miserable.....physically and emotionally.....then I want to let him know he is not being unreasonable.  

 

Well, if sleeping on the blow up bed is really making him miserable but I have my doubts that it is really that big of a deal to the average 17 year old unless the step sister is making him uncomfortable somehow then that needs to be taken care of course. I would be careful not to make a mountain out of a molehill. He probably doesn't want that. 

 

As a kid I had one parent who was always analyzing and trying to fix things for me. Really I just wanted everything to be chill so I could get on with life. 

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, regentrude said:

would you feel the same if the rooms had been given to younger siblings?

In many families who don't have enough bedrooms for each kid, the room of a kid who moves to college always goes to the next sibling who can move out of a shared room.

No I would not feel the same way if the rooms had been given to younger siblings.  Although I do think if there WERE younger siblings they should not have moved to a home that would  not accommodate the college girl and the 17 year old boy when they need to be there.   

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, frogger said:

 

Well, if sleeping on the blow up bed is really making him miserable but I have my doubts that it is really that big of a deal to the average 17 year old unless the step sister is making him uncomfortable somehow then that needs to be taken care of course. I would be careful not to make a mountain out of a molehill. He probably doesn't want that. 

 

As a kid I had one parent who was always analyzing and trying to fix things for me. Really I just wanted everything to be chill so I could get on with life. 

Well, I am certainly not trying to fix it.  

But he really isn't the average 17 year old.  He is 6'2 and 325 pounds. I imagine he is quite uncomfortable.  He was on the sofa when it was just one adult who moved back....then a few weeks ago the other one moved back so he is now booted to the blow up.

[regentrude]

2 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

 Although I do think if there WERE younger siblings they should not have moved to a home that would  not accommodate the college girl and the 17 year old boy when they need to be there.   

"should"?

Living in a home that has separate bedrooms for each person is  a huge luxury. There may have been financial considerations behind the downsizing that you are not aware of. 

[frogger]

2 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Well, I am certainly not trying to fix it.  

But he really isn't the average 17 year old.  He is 6'2 and 325 pounds. I imagine he is quite uncomfortable.  He was on the sofa when it was just one adult who moved back....then a few weeks ago the other one moved back so he is now booted to the blow up.

That makes more sense.

 

Although my camping mat is more comfortable than my regular mattress and my daughter chooses to sleep on the floor and doesn't have a bed in her room. But it is her choice.  Twin bunkbeds wouldn't fit my 6'4" boy anyway so it's not an automatic that bunking people together would be best.

 

 

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, regentrude said:

"should"?

Living in a home that has separate bedrooms for each person is  a huge luxury. There may have been financial considerations behind the downsizing that you are not aware of. 

Well I didn't say a bedroom for each person.  I said accommodations of some sort.  Unless of course you didn't really care if they felt at home there or ever came back.

[Bluegoat]

26 minutes ago, regentrude said:

No. People who came to live at the house full time got bedrooms of those who are there only occasionally. 

Which to me makes perfect sense. But yes, you mentioning over and over again that these young people are adults sounds like you have an issue with that aspect specifically.

 

 

I think it's a bit different with kids who have visitation with parents.  Just because the word visit is there - it's not really like a visit.  It should feel like you have a home there. And it's very easy as a step-child or part-time child not to.  It's not uncommon for kids in that situation to feel like they have no place.

[bolt.]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

It isn't my home Bolt.  But it is apparently about 1000 sf so I don't think there is any room anywhere.

Sorry. I should have paid better attention.

I thought you were doing the ‘let’s pretend it’s hypothetical so that I can get a few real answers before people start insinuating things about me personally’ thing.

I think you are seeing that some people prioritize full use of the rooms by whoever spends the most time there. Others (like you) prefer the rooms for the ones who have the strongest ‘rights of dependancy’ even if they are not at home full time.

This is complicated by the perception that you might be communicating accidentally: you seem to imply that to you the ‘rights of dependency’ completely end at the beginning of adulthood.

Most people who have young adult children see this more as a tapering thing. Many parents treat young adult kids and older teen kids as having equal (fair) claims on family resources. Others believe that young adults have no rightful claims at all while they continue to provide care for teens who are still minors.

In a lot of ways this is just different family values showing up in different families. In cases where parents continue to support non-independent young adults, and where room priority goes to full-timers... it’s hard to be the part-time kid. I can see why you feel for him.

[regentrude]

1 minute ago, Bluegoat said:

I think it's a bit different with kids who have visitation with parents.  Just because the word visible is there - it's not really like a visit.  It should feel like you have a home there. And it's very easy as a step-child or part-time child not to.  It's not uncommon for kids in that situation to feel like they have no place.

But this young man did not like living there in the first place - he told his mother that he wants to go live with his father and stepmother. So I wonder whether that contributes to the perception of what is "home"

[Ravin]

Honestly? They are all old enough that I would call a family meeting and see what they all think would be fair. I might meet or talk privately with each ahead of the meeting in case one or another has trouble advocating for themselves in the face of their sibs.

[Scarlett]

4 minutes ago, regentrude said:

But this young man did not like living there in the first place - he told his mother that he wants to go live with his father and stepmother. So I wonder whether that contributes to the perception of what is "home"

He loves his mom.  He just felt he needed to be with us for various reasons.  I doubt he felt he would no longer be welcome there.  And maybe he doesn't feel unwelcome.  But I would. 

[Scarlett]

8 minutes ago, bolt. said:

Sorry. I should have paid better attention.

I thought you were doing the ‘let’s pretend it’s hypothetical so that I can get a few real answers before people start insinuating things about me personally’ thing.

I think you are seeing that some people prioritize full use of the rooms by whoever spends the most time there. Others (like you) prefer the rooms for the ones who have the strongest ‘rights of dependancy’ even if they are not at home full time.

This is complicated by the perception that you might be communicating accidentally: you seem to imply that to you the ‘rights of dependency’ completely end at the beginning of adulthood.

Most people who have young adult children see this more as a tapering thing. Many parents treat young adult kids and older teen kids as having equal (fair) claims on family resources. Others believe that young adults have no rightful claims at all while they continue to provide care for teens who are still minors.

In a lot of ways this is just different family values showing up in different families. In cases where parents continue to support non-independent young adults, and where room priority goes to full-timers... it’s hard to be the part-time kid. I can see why you feel for him.

The bolded made me laugh.  That would never happen around here, ;)

And yes different people prioritize different things.  But to put it in to perspective in my house.....if my 21 year old step son came to live at our house I would NOT displace either of the boys already living there.  We would make a place for him but the ones who are underage or dependent would not be made to feel booted out of anywhere.  

And I say this as a family who has many times booted my son out of his downstairs room for guests.  He has a full size bed upstairs in dss's room to sleep in.....and he isn't thrilled with having to sleep elsewhere when guests come....but that seems hospitable so it is what we do.

[Bluegoat]

I think I'd feel uncomfortable about it too.

It seems to me the dilemma is really because the younger two aren't there all the time, it seems silly to have the older ones not using the space.

But I would be inclined nonetheless to prioritize the younger kids to the adults, especially if the latter were working rather than going to school.  The emotional context is different.

As far as a solution, I think it would depend on things like - how long will this be the situation?  Is the idea for the adult kids to stick around, is it up in the air, or is there a sense that they are taking advantage?  Does the college girl have plans to move on soon?  What about the 18 year old?  It seems like people in this situation are old enough that they should be able to talk together about making things work.  The older sons might need a bit of a talking to first though, from the parents.  Adults in their 20s don't always clue in right away that they have different responsibilities and a different role in the family.

I suspect a flexible sleeping scenario would be best in terms of set up.  The girl will need some kind of space of her own.  And I'd expect the others to share when necessary, the adult boys can't expect to move home and each get their own room.  

 

[Bluegoat]

20 minutes ago, regentrude said:

But this young man did not like living there in the first place - he told his mother that he wants to go live with his father and stepmother. So I wonder whether that contributes to the perception of what is "home"

 

It might from his perspective, or the other way around - this kind of thing is what created that feeling.  But I don't think it changes the duty of the parent if he is continuing to come to stay there.

 

[Tanaqui]

Do you have any reason to believe that your stepson is unhappy with this situation other than the fact that you, personally, wouldn't be happy in that situation? You've said a lot about how you would feel, and about how you're concerned about what he might feel, and how you think he must actually feel - but it sounds like he hasn't said or otherwise indicated to you that this isn't okay.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Tanaqui said:

Do you have any reason to believe that your stepson is unhappy with this situation other than the fact that you, personally, wouldn't be happy in that situation? You've said a lot about how you would feel, and about how you're concerned about what he might feel, and how you think he must actually feel - but it sounds like he hasn't said or otherwise indicated to you that this isn't okay.

No but he wouldn't.  He just won't complain or voice his opinion or anything.  Ever.  I don't think that is healthy.  But I don't want to make waves where I shouldn't.  

[Bluegoat]

Practically speaking, I'd just encourage him to let them know if he is uncomfortable.  You might ask him, how d you find sleeping on that air mattress, and if he says it is uncomfortable, suggest he mention it to his mom.

Other than that, I'd say just keep your home a place he feels safe.  It may be his mom is under pressure from the other dad or the older boys too, and just can't find a good solution.

[TheReader]

2 hours ago, Scarlett said:

How did you feel about it?

 

(it didn't quote the whole thing; this is about being the displaced college girl) -- I felt a little annoyed, honestly, BUT I was being displaced by a stepbrother that I didn't actually even *have* when I left for college, not someone who'd been part of my family for many years/my whole life. And I would have felt far *more* annoyed to not have any space at all, so while I didn't love being moved to the dining room (initially feeling like the stepbrother should have been placed there), I did love it lots more than having to sleep on a couch when I came home. And within a few months of the situation, I was fine with things, because I realized more or less what I said upthread -- the people living there full time need the permanent rooms. 

I think if there's any way at all to get college girl & 17 yr old off of couches, that is definitely ideal, but I also think the full time people still take priority. Even as a formally displaced college girl. It's what I think now, but it's also what I understood even back then, once I got over being annoyed. And if I could adjust to that, with a "hey, you have a new stepbrother and he's taking your room", your kiddos can adjust to it when it's people they've grown up with. It'll be okay, and you're a good momma for caring about all of them and trying to find the best solution. You'll work it out. 

[bolt.]

I don’t think you should make waves.

Most of the ways this might work out (unless the young adults move out) is going to leave your son as the lowest priority. That means most likely he will do without a room for the foreseeable future... even if you do say something. So, probably it’s pointless to say anything.

Instead, you could try to make his lack of bedroom less unpleasant. Can you work your way towards buying him a better form of a blow up bed? Can you get him something to keep his things in, like a foot locker? Make sure he has non-humiliating pj’s... that kind of thing.

[Tanaqui]

Quote

No but he wouldn't.  He just won't complain or voice his opinion or anything.  Ever.  I don't think that is healthy.  But I don't want to make waves where I shouldn't.  

 

Well, that's frustrating all around. But if that's the case, I'm not sure that you intervening is helpful. He might dislike that every bit as much as this situation, or even more so. What does his dad think about all this?

[Scarlett]

Dss has a car now and he goes to visit his mom EOW, but we no longer have to worry about drop off and pick up.....but about a year ago before he got his car his step dad was asking dss to have me bring dss into our town for pick up because he was driving through.  Well, fine and all that except that it was midmorning and dss would not be able to finish his school work (which is not a deal breaker) and it would mean he would be stuck in step dad's work truck while he drove to various jobs all afternoon.  Normal drop off/pick up is 6:00 p.m.  

So I asked him, 'do you want to do that?'  He answered basically 'well it is the easiest.'  I said, 'yes for your mom but do you WANT to do that?'  It took about 5 minutes and 10 questions from me before he finally said he would rather NOT. He seemed totally unable to SAY what he wanted at first.  So I had dh text XW and tell her we would just stick to regular 6 p.m. pick up.

[Tanaqui]

Scarlett, one concern I have reading that anecdote is the risk that in some situations he might feel that you want him to give a certain answer and finally give that answer to make you happy. I don't know that this IS the case - and certainly, the situation you mention seems pretty crystal clear! - but it's something to be aware of. If I was that age, and my mother questioned me for five minutes about something, I might well say anything to make her stop.

[Bootsie]

I could imagine a number of different scenarios in which this type of arrangement is the best for individuals in that family.  Maybe one of the older children has to get up early in the morning to go to work and needs a quiet bedroom to go to sleep earlier than others in the house.  Maybe the teen likes being in the living room where he can play video games late at night or watch TV early in the morning without disturbing others.  Maybe there is a closeness to the bathroom issue for someone.  Maybe there are stairs that someone does not want to negotiate.  I would assume, unless there was reason to believe otherwise, that the family is able to make the best decision for its particular situation.

I have two college-aged students and recently had an adult family member move in for about 6 months.  That family member took DD's bedroom.  When DD and dS were home for holidays, we had several different arrangements, but it included DD taking DS's room and DS sleeping on the couch for about a week because it was worked best for everyone involved.

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

Scarlett, one concern I have reading that anecdote is the risk that in some situations he might feel that you want him to give a certain answer and finally give that answer to make you happy. I don't know that this IS the case - and certainly, the situation you mention seems pretty crystal clear! - but it's something to be aware of. If I was that age, and my mother questioned me for five minutes about something, I might well say anything to make her stop.

Right.  This is true.   There was a lot to the conversation.  I told him if he wanted to ride around with his step dad to job sites all after noon, that was cool. ( I mean, I don't think he hates the man and he probably has some affection for him....) Blank stare.  So dss is that what you want to do?  moving mouth, words don't come out..... shrugging shoulder, finally  'it is just easier.'  Yes, dss easier for the adults but the adults can manage regular drop off/pick up....if you had your choice about how to spend a Friday afternoon would it be riding around with step dad to job sites?  He again attempts to talk....starts, stops and tells me another version of how it is easier for everyone else.  I remember I finally asked him 'if you had the choice of riding around with step dad to job sites or spending the afternoon working on your metal projects out in the shop here, which would you choose?'  That seemed to do it....LOL....he loves working on his projects.  He was finally able to say he would prefer to NOT be in the work truck all afternoon to save his mom driving for 45 minutes to pick him up.  

[Scarlett]

Just now, Arctic Mama said:

The ones coming back from college get air mattresses.  The ones still living at home take priority.  Full stop.

Well, the girl is finishing her freshman year at college....she will be home all summer.  The two adult men (and yes they are only 21 and 22) have recently moved back in.  And the 17 year old boy goes to see them EOW and holidays or whatever.  

So are you saying the ones who MOVED BACK home should take priority?  The adults? And the college girl and 17 year old boy get air mattresses?

[Scarlett]

24 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

Scarlett, one concern I have reading that anecdote is the risk that in some situations he might feel that you want him to give a certain answer and finally give that answer to make you happy. I don't know that this IS the case - and certainly, the situation you mention seems pretty crystal clear! - but it's something to be aware of. If I was that age, and my mother questioned me for five minutes about something, I might well say anything to make her stop.

And I will say also that it would have been EASIER for him to tell me he wanted to ride around with step dad because that is what they wanted him to do to save them a trip later in the evening.  But he couldn't quite get the words out.  Because he has this tendency about anything you ask him (vanilla or chocolate) dh has the habit of filling in the silence and answering for dss.  I don't do that.  I wait for an answer.  As painful as it is sometimes LOL.....And I wrap these conversations up in a talk about being able to know what you want even if you don't always get your way or insist on your way (for instance if it would have been a hardship on someone trying to pick up drop off). 

[goldberry]

2 hours ago, regentrude said:

But from your OP I understood that the kids are, in fact, visitors?

you say the 17 y/o is coming for visitation, and the girl is a college student residing in a  dorm

It is so weird to me that you are calling the college girl a visitor.  A dorm is not permanent housing.  My daughter is in a dorm, but my home is her permanent house right now.  She was home over holidays, some weekends, and will be home over summer.  She is not a visitor.  That is so odd to me that you would think of it in those terms.  

I would let her room be used during the school year when she is gone most of the time.  During the summer, the room should be hers. 

[SKL]

Hmm, if the older ones are living there full-time then it makes sense for them to use the bedrooms.  If the blow-up bed isn't comfy, maybe they could invest in a good sofa-bed or similar.

[SKL]

For the summer, I'd prefer for the girl to have her own bedroom with a door, and the older brothers should be able to suck it up for a few months.  But during the school year, it makes more sense for the full-time residents to have the rooms.

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, SKL said:

For the summer, I'd prefer for the girl to have her own bedroom with a door, and the older brothers should be able to suck it up for a few months.  But during the school year, it makes more sense for the full-time residents to have the rooms.

It will be interesting to see how they handle the summer.  Looks like dss loses no matter what though.....

[Bluegoat]

It seems like they downsized in part because the older kids moved out.  If they plan to stay, maybe they should think about having them contribute to a bigger place.  If they aren't staying long, then the older boys should realize their being there is a short term thing and act accordingly.  

[Scarlett]

8 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

When does your step son turn 18?  Does he have another year of high school left?

He just turned 17 a few days ago.  Yes another full year of high school.

[Scarlett]

5 minutes ago, Bluegoat said:

It seems like they downsized in part because the older kids moved out.  If they plan to stay, maybe they should think about having them contribute to a bigger place.  If they aren't staying long, then the older boys should realize their being there is a short term thing and act accordingly.  

Yes.  They moved closer to town, got rid of the place with 20 acres and an extra dwelling on it where the older boys lived. A lot of things happened near the same time....dss came to live with us, girl went to college, oldest boy moved in with a girlfriend and the second oldest went to live with a grandmother out of state.  

[Meriwether]

If it were my home, I think I'd have a bunk bed and a hide-a bed in one room for the boys to share when their siblings are home. The other bed would be available for the college girl when she is home. At most the three boys would be sharing every other week and holidays. The girl would have privacy when home for summers and holidays.

 

ETA: In case I wasn't clear, each of the older boys could have their own space when college girl is at college. 17 could share with one of them when he visits.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Meriwether said:

If it were my home, I think I'd have a bunk bed and a hide-a bed in one room for the boys to share when their siblings are home. The other bed would be available for the college girl when she is home. At most the three boys would be sharing every other week and holidays. The girl would have privacy when home for summers and holidays.

I agree the girl needs privacy. I believe the rooms are very very small....and all the boys are big.  All of them are 6'2 or taller.  I doubt bunk beds would work.

 

[Scarlett]

Maybe the older ones will get out and get their own apartment together.  I know one of them is talking about getting a travel trailer since he is doing road construction and traveling all over.