Chris in VA Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 (edited) nm Edited November 27, 2017 by Chris in VA 42 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Onya, Love. :) :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Adulting. Sounds like a healthy adult parent/adult child relationship. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 I know how hard this is. Well done! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 :grouphug: Similar experience here, years ago with my grandfather. I had spent my whole childhood trying to ignore offensive comments along with the rest of the family. When my oldest kids were no longer babies, I (thankfully) snapped. He had said something stupid, and words just started coming out of my mouth. Basically, I told him he wouldn't be allowed around my kids with that kind of garbage because we refuse to let them think that's acceptable. I didn't get a hug or anything like that, just silence. But he never again made a bigoted comment in front of me or my kids, and our relationship stayed just as strong as it ever was, up until the day he died. I'm glad it went well! I know it can be hard. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Adulting. Sounds like a healthy adult parent/adult child relationship. this is what I was thinking too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie in VA Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Adulting. Sounds like a healthy adult parent/adult child relationship. My main goal in life! Not there yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Good for you. I think this is important no matter what, but esp because of your daughter's boyfriend. My MIL who is full blood Native and experienced a lot of racism growing up (even taken to Catholic boarding school as a young child to "civilize" the Natives) can be quite racist. A friend's son agreed to take my special needs daughter to her senior prom. The only thing my daughter was concerned about was that she is 4'10" and he is 6'4" and a big 10 football player. My MIL saw the pictures the next day and asked "he isn't BLACK, is he?"......yep, he IS black (very dark so no mistaking it). I still navigate this with MIL who doesn't say anything to someone's face but makes a lot of comments about how the black or Hispanic or Asian or ....... Nurses or doctors aren't as good as the white ones when she is on the hospital. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Having healthy discussion like this really can help change hearts and minds over time. My father is deceased now but his last years he really transformed his perceptions and was much more open minded. â¤ï¸ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Good for you. I think this is important no matter what, but esp because of your daughter's boyfriend. My MIL who is full blood Native and experienced a lot of racism growing up (even taken to Catholic boarding school as a young child to "civilize" the Natives) can be quite racist. A friend's son agreed to take my special needs daughter to her senior prom. The only thing my daughter was concerned about was that she is 4'10" and he is 6'4" and a big 10 football player. My MIL saw the pictures the next day and asked "he isn't BLACK, is he?"......yep, he IS black (very dark so no mistaking it). I still navigate this with MIL who doesn't say anything to someone's face but makes a lot of comments about how the black or Hispanic or Asian or ....... Nurses or doctors aren't as good as the white ones when she is on the hospital. That is super sweet of your son' friend. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Good for you. :hurray: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 That is super sweet of your son' friend. :) It was. He treated her so well and made the night special. He even went with her and her whole special needs class from school for dinner before and took her for ice cream afterwards. After all, how many girls can say they went to prom with a big 10 football player? The entire family is wonderful. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 (edited) Fathers need to be kept in line... :laugh: :lol: Edited November 25, 2017 by SparklyUnicorn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 I'm the parent of an Asian immigrant. Thank you all for standing up for my daughter, which is essentially what you did when you directly addressed the issue with someone you love. My family deeply appreciates that. Also, my two future sons in law are each 1/4 Mexican and their parents have had to deal with this issue so they too would appreciate what you're doing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 It's hard, but it really can make a difference. My father grew up in a very racially "charged" time and area -- the civil rights movement was at its peak and the area he was living in (as a foster child in that era, no less) was very, very violent with the movement, on both ends. He was one of the first white children bussed to a previously "all black" school, and it wasn't a pleasant experience for him -- he was beaten to a pulp almost daily, until he finally gave up and left school entirely -- he was so scared. When I was growing up, he never treated those of a different race any differently, and always seemed very respectful of them and maintained many friendships with those of other races, but the words out of his mouth made me cringe. "Coloreds." "N*ggers." You get the picture. I never said anything because those friends of his of different races, and similar in age to him, didn't seem to mind in the least and, indeed, had their own colorful names for those of other races, so I never knew whether speaking up would have actually been offensive to them -- iow, would they take offense to me "speaking for them out of turn." I'm glad you did, though. I know it took guts and I applaud you for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 Good for you! Bigotry shouldn't be given a pass just because of someone's age or their status within the family. FIL was one of those people. He's 92 and grew up in a very different time but that doesn't mean he can't grow and learn. Things changed when one granddaughter married a man from Costa Rica and a grandson married a woman from Japan (each from a different one of dh's siblings). Each of them barely spoke English when they were dating his grandchildren. Unfortunately if not for those relationships where he learned people from other countries are just people like everyone else, he'd probably still be railing against immigrants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 I applaud you. I am terrified of what might come out of fil's mouth at graduation given ds's extremely diverse school. And, he's loud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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