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It just gets worse and worse.....


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I just received an email from my lawyer -- my STBX's lawyer has dropped him.


According to the paperwork she filed with the court, they "lack the requisite degree of communication to enable counsel to adequately represent the client." 


I can only assume this means my STBX is ignoring her completely. Now that the house is sold, and now that the judge has TWICE upheld his order for temporary alimony until the final decision, he has no other options to fight the temporary alimony. Since we sold the house at the end of August I don't even think she knows where he is living. I don't even know where he is. I know where he works, but that is all.


He paid me all the back alimony he owed from his share of the house proceeds, but he has not paid since which puts him back in contempt.


Now my lawyer has to go back to court to request another contempt date. We were supposed to have everything finalized by December but that has to be pushed out too.


Has anyone heard of a case going like this? What was the resolution? The uncertainty is just so hard.


What happens when one party just refuses to answer to anything? 






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What an asshole.


Sorry, but it needed to be said. I don't even have any ideas that are legal for dealing with him. Was he always like this or is this a new and 'lovely' side to him he kept hidden?

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Yours is a cautionary tale.....when it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it usually is a duck.


I am not surprised this has gone this way.


I am sorry for your uncertainty. Just stay the course. Someday you won't even give him a second thought.


Ftr, my xh did the same crap to me except on a smaller scale. He did everything in his power to undervalue the house. He fought me tooth and nail.....refused to do the repairs needed that the judge ordered him to. He refused to sign the listing agreement, he refused to counter on offers.....it was only after I got a full price offer that he bought me out based on that amount.


Thankfully he never gave me much grief about child support.

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When we go for the final order I am going to INSIST that my alimony is garnished from his wages. No way am I going through this for years.


But now we are just in the temporary stage so I think that is why the judge is not garnishing him. Maybe that will change with this latest contempt date.

My STBX was always very stubborn but it was always directed at others. He could be an real asshat to me for sure, but I just put it under the "my husband is being a pain" category.


Just as some background to show how being stubborn is innate in him .... when he was in 5th grade he had a history teacher who was really into women's liberation. She insisted they call it "HER-story", etc. It really pissed my STBX off. When she assigned that they each write a paper on a famous women in history, he refused. He was kept after school. His parents were called in. They would send him up to his room to write and he would just sit there. He almost didn't pass 5th grade but he absolutely refused to write the paper. And this when he was just a boy!


Is he a big enough jerk just to quit his job once he is garnished and live off others? That's the other way this sometimes goes....


I don't think so but I have learned to never say never. But he has worked hard to get to his level (Vice President of the company) and loves his money so I can't see him ever couch-surfing and living simply.


Edited by Home'scool
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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:


Disclaimer: I AM NOT AN ATTORNEY!  


Sigh. I have been living this same scenario (via my hairdresser who is my very dear friend) for almost 17 years now.  Her xdh has been dropped by several attorneys (multiple contempt filings along the way) for the exact same reason.  These guys decide they don't like the decision or outcome and they simply cease all communication with everyone, including their own attorneys. Unbelievable!


My friend's xdh is a professional with a very high annual income. They had been married for over 20 years and she worked and put him through ______ school.  After her divorce, every time her xdh went into practice/business for himself, it became all but impossible to collect her permanent spousal support (which HE insisted upon making non-modifiable so as to thwart her from requesting an increase in support as his income skyrocketed.)  :closedeyes:  My sweet friend agreed to these terms because she was simply looking for peace and stability as she attempted to put the pieces of her life back together and to continue raising her amazing children.  Since she has been my friend for so long and I have raged nonstop to my dh about the injustice of it all.  Now every time I have my hair done, MY DH asks for an update on the latest legal status!  It's crazy .... and never ending.  :willy_nilly:


Whenever her xdh worked for a firm/company, garnishment was possible and it became her life and sanity saver.  Garnishment is your friend! Over the years,  I have spent literally hundreds of hours doing free legal research in order to help my friend keep her legal costs as low as possible and to give her some talking points and case decisions to reference when consulting with her attorney.  They file contempt, they go to court, she is awarded her legal costs or at least partially, she starts to receive back payments, he gets just caught up enough to avoid serious legal consequences, and BAM...it all begins anew.  


To answer your question: If your xdh no longer has an attorney and does not appear in court to represent himself, the judge can rule on the case without him based upon the merits of what is directly presented. This includes the garnishment of wages. This exact scenario has happened to my dear friend twice now. The court will submit the requisite paperwork to your xdh's employer and they will have no legal option, but to comply.  The judge can also order a provision/schedule for repaying your attorney's fees (the ones which are required for the contempt filing) as well as a provision/schedule for repaying the past due support.  All of these items are subject to garnishment, but you specifically have to request it. It is NOT automatic.  Depending on just how far in arrears he gets before garnishment kicks in determines how quickly you will be repaid.  Every state has a maximum allowable percentage of wages subject to being garnished.


On the bright side, at least you know where he works!  My friend and a posse of dedicated girlfriends used to have to stalk the internet to try and determine where that nasty specimen of an xdh of hers was now located. We regularly searched every single state licensure board for hours...  Fun times I tell you, fun times.  :closedeyes:



Total Side Note:  Given what you have written about your xdh, I'd be willing to make a fairly large bet he won't quit his job.  As much as he hates you, he loves himself more and wouldn't be willing to bite that bullet in order to make you struggle. It would cost HIM too much to be worth it.  Besides if the unpleasant side of his personality is starting to surface, I'd also bet his "chick won't stick" unless there is plenty of income flowing in. They don't have children together, they are not married, and in the end he just wouldn't be worth it without the moooneeey!


Hang in there and don't let him wear you down.






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My sister has it a bit  worse than you.  He's an asshole, a complete narcissist, he's gay (Ok, fine be gay but don't pretend that you aren't and marry my sister)

He is way behind on all the money he owes her and they can't garnish his wages because he lives in Japan.  He tried to get her arrested once because she slipped and grabbed his arm.  Witnesses told the police when he called them.  


This has dragged on for years.  Almost 10 years.  It is incomprehensible to me that someone somewhere can't do something about this jerk.  I hope your situation resolves quickly.

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