Why do you wear make-up? (if you do)

[6packofun]

Mama, know I am not "JUDGING" you.  How you feel is how you feel. 

 

But, man, this post struck a heart string in me.  Which...is rare.

 

Your first paragraph was hard for me in that, I am sorry that you can't feel good enough about your appearance to feel the same confidence both with and without make up.

 

But...that you CRINGE that your DD won't wear it.  It brings a tear.  I am not judging and I am reading that you hate how you feel about it and it makes my heart hurt for both of you. 

 

It makes you think she's depressed because she doesn't care if she looks tired because she has some NATURAL dark circles?   I just......

 

 

 

 

 

No, no...I cringe at what *I* am thinking.  As far as the dark circles go, it's an objective fact that someone looks better when they cover them up.  It is not a terrible thing to see and acknowledge imperfections, even ones that we have no control over.  I didn't elaborate on anything else with dd because the topic was makeup, but she doesn't wash her hair often enough, doesn't eat well, and generally doesn't seem to take care of herself.  THOSE things matter way more to me than the makeup.  I hope this clarifies things a little, not because I want to soften anyone's impression of my thoughts but just to be accurate.  :)

 

You know, I've had a similar experience on this forum before when I posted about wanting to cover my legs to go swimming and looking for options.  A lot of people diagnosed me with a sort of self-hatred or something which was kind of odd to me.  I can love myself just fine and still think I look better and feel better using makeup or covering up my hideous legs.  ??  LOL  Ignoring flaws or pretending to be proud of them when I'm not (who cares that I got the stretch marks from motherhood, I still don't LIKE them?! lol) is just not a reality-based way to approach anything, IMO.

 

But I really appreciate your gentleness and caring about both dd and me, so thank you.  :)

[Seasider]

The bolded is just as bad as someone who is always "put-together" assuming someone who doesn't make that effort is lazy, depressed, and/or doesn't value themselves.

 

I believe that some women try to sabbatage women who do look nice all the time, by telling them it doesn't matter, it makes them look weak, etc. It's just like "fit-shaming". It's the other side of the same judgemental coin. Women shouldn't be too fat, because smaller women will assume they are lazy and insecure, but they also shouldn't be too fit because that means they must spend hours at a gym when they could be staring into their children's precious eyes.

I see what you're saying here, but I think there's merit to the thought that a healthy lifestyle is about balance.

 

I think we run into problems when we start making assumptions about why other people do the things they do (from what makeup & clothes they wear to what they eat to what they do for entertainment....). People on each extreme of the spectrum may really be waving red flags. So if it's my daughter who suddenly stops wearing makeup and gains a ton of weight, or conversely starts excessively exercising and applying alluring makeup, I'm going to rattle some pots in her kitchen to find out if something else is going on. I don't have that same level of concern for people I vaguely know.

Edited August 9, 2017 by Seasider

[Wheres Toto]

I'm in trouble if the doctors were judging how well I care for my kids by how well put together their outfits were.   :lol:  All my kids had very definite opinions about their clothing from a pretty young age.  My son has sensory issues which made for some interesting choices when we were still working out what worked for him.  Both daughters hated anything in their hair.   Younger dd especially will not do bows, headbands, or clips of any kind.  A single braid or ponytail is the extent of what we can do now.   I've had the same pediatrician for 23 years so I think she's past judging on appearances.

 

I've never noticed any different treatment based on how I'm dressed, except maybe a job interview.  I tend to go with the jeans and t-shirts look for doctors visits, unless I'm doing some stupid test where I have to have a full bladder (I've had to do that WAY too many times lately) in which case I'm wearing my loosest yoga pants that don't press on my stomach.  I'm more about practicality and comfort than anything.

[MSNative]

I didnt used to wear makeup but now I do.  I like playing with it.  Its a creative outlet for me - and Im not a very creative person. But I can use a diff lipstick or eyeliner and feel like I tried something new.  

I think of it as self care time too.  Im worth investing 10 minutes a day to feel like I look better to me.  Not for anyone else.  My husband doesnt like makeup.  My friends could care less.  Im not trying to attract anyone.  But dang it - when I get a winged eyeliner right I feel like I can take on the world.  LOL!!  Silly I know but there ya go.  What deep psychological issue does that indicate? No idea.   :lol:

[Peaceseeker]

The bolded is just as bad as someone who is always "put-together" assuming someone who doesn't make that effort is lazy, depressed, and/or doesn't value themselves.

 

I believe that some women try to sabbatage women who do look nice all the time, by telling them it doesn't matter, it makes them look weak, etc. It's just like "fit-shaming". It's the other side of the same judgemental coin. Women shouldn't be too fat, because smaller women will assume they are lazy and insecure, but they also shouldn't be too fit because that means they must spend hours at a gym when they could be staring into their children's precious eyes.

I admit it is judgemental. It is something I have noticed about my own perceptions of others, and just an initial reaction. I was just pointing out that everyone's initial perception of a well dressed 'done up' person is not necessarily the same, or necessarily a positive one.

 

It is probably rooted in my own inability to have it all together. I am a hot mess so I justify it by thinking there must be something under the surface I am not seeing rather than admit someone actually can have it all together...😀

[Janeway]

There are way more reasons to wear makeup beyond attracting men. I am a little shocked to see anyone would think that would be the sole reason for wearing makeup, when I would think that is the exception rather than the rule. If a man shaves and wears a nice shirt, is he just doing it to attract a woman? No.

[Teacher Mom]

I only wear makeup for events that are outside my home. I do it because, to me, it is part of the "getting dressed up" routine. I suppose I think it gives me a more polished look with my stylish (hopefully!) clothes. Day-to-day, I don't wear it around the house, the grocery store, dog class, or the doctor/dentist. 

 

This was a good question. I can't tell you when the makeup routine faded for me. I know it was big in my teens and twenties but somewhere along the way I became ok without it.

[Bluegoat]

It wasn't the part about the outfit being clean and appropriate for the situation that I have a problem with because I think that does say something relevant about the family. But the fact that I could afford to put her in a cute coordinated Gymboree outfit should not have any bearing on whether or not the state provides her services.

 

 

I suspect she just gave a description of what she noticed.

 

That being said, financial security is one of the things the doctor is looking for along with emotional security.  It may not affect whether they give services, but its part of a standard evaluation.

[Guest]

No, no...I cringe at what *I* am thinking. As far as the dark circles go, it's an objective fact that someone looks better when they cover them up. It is not a terrible thing to see and acknowledge imperfections, even ones that we have no control over. I didn't elaborate on anything else with dd because the topic was makeup, but she doesn't wash her hair often enough, doesn't eat well, and generally doesn't seem to take care of herself. THOSE things matter way more to me than the makeup. I hope this clarifies things a little, not because I want to soften anyone's impression of my thoughts but just to be accurate. :)

 

You know, I've had a similar experience on this forum before when I posted about wanting to cover my legs to go swimming and looking for options. A lot of people diagnosed me with a sort of self-hatred or something which was kind of odd to me. I can love myself just fine and still think I look better and feel better using makeup or covering up my hideous legs. ?? LOL Ignoring flaws or pretending to be proud of them when I'm not (who cares that I got the stretch marks from motherhood, I still don't LIKE them?! lol) is just not a reality-based way to approach anything, IMO.

 

But I really appreciate your gentleness and caring about both dd and me, so thank you. :)

I picked up from your first post that your concerns were not centered on whether or not your dd's face looks as beautiful as possible.

 

I see very much a mixed message in society and these boards are a microcosm of that; the same thing happens here. I mentioned this recently in a thread about weight and body image. There are simultaneously two messages being sent to women (both here and in society as a whole):

 

1) Just ACCEPT yourself as you are! Be COMFORTABLE the way you naturally are, whether that means a large size, blotchy or sallow skin, grey hair, veiny legs. JUST BE YOURSELF. Embrace your imperfections!" but also,

 

2) Wow! So-and-so has lost fifty pounds and looks SO much better! And, Ladies, what can I do to look nice at this wedding after a five-hour flight? And, My hairdresser RUINED my hair! It is horrible! And, Does this dress look right for a graduation party? And even, David Tennett in a KILT!!! And Chris Pratt is hunkier with hunky body, not chubby body as his wife liked.

 

I just think we, in society, don't have our story straight. Looks matter but no they don't. Ideal weight matters, but not if you don't feel it's attainable...but if you DO attain it, then YAY YOU!! But, if you get any skinnier, that's bad and you must have a disorder or waste too much time at the gym. And your hair should be pretty! But not if you don't want to make an effort. And not if it takes too much time or money. Except if that is what really makes YOU happy!

 

I was watching this You Tube video about things guys like and don't like (I fell down a rabbit hole from something DD sent me) and this mixed message thing came up again and again. It was like, "Guys don't like lots of blue or glittery eye makeup..." And then a little dissertation about that, but then, "But if YOU love to do fancy eye make-up and that makes you happy then you SHOULD!"

 

We've all gotten so hyper-sensitive to saying certain things look good, certain things largely don't that we can never just say so anymore. My veiny legs are not attractive. It doesn't mean I'm gonna wear a kimono to the pool, but I'm happier if they can be less noticeable. I wear hose when I'm dressed up. Some people say that is so "out." Maybe, but Kate Middleton wears them, so if I want to, I will too. 😄

 

It's just really impossible to please everyone, so I do what I do, ask for opinions sometimes, but mostly just know that for every person who says my hair is pretty, there is someone else muttering under their breath that it only looks good because I spend more money and time on it than they would themselves spend. ðŸ˜

[marbel]

So, I can understand a "creative outlet."  That sort of thing, IMO, is in line with things like sewing up an awesome Halloween Costume for my kids, or trying out new recipes (I am working on my menu now and pulling out all sorts of new recipes to try.)  So, I do understand that aspect of it. 

 

But the bolded part....I am trying to understand why.  Is it because the technique is difficult and and getting that right feels like an accomplishment?  Or is it something else?  Genuinely I am asking, because to me, the statement means that this makes you feel empowered.  Which, is great for you, really, but, I just don't understand what power comes from this?

 

I feel empowered from things I can do or accomplish.  So, growing vegetables helps me feel empowered because it means I can feed or provide for my family.  Earning my degree helps me feel empowered because it meant that I was able to accomplish something that was made even more difficult by being a single parent.  Going out and picking up a job within 24 hrs of DH being laid off makes me feel empowered because it meant I was making huge contributions to supporting our family and DH.  I just don't quite understand what having a particular appearance does or accomplishes for me?

 

It jmakes her feel good!   Isn't that enough?  Why does it have to go deeper than that?  Why does it have to be tied to a specific accomplishment? 

 

(I shouldn't speak for someone else but... I couldn't stop myself.)

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

OMG, getting my black liquid eyeliner wings perfect feels AMAZING!  I know it's going to be an awesome day.  It's like stepping on the scale and being DOWN 3 pounds when you had too many slices of pizza the night before - the universe is just on your side. 

[gaillardia]

I will read the rest of the thread after I post.

The reasons I wear make-up...I look like I have no eyelashes at this point in my life if I don't put on mascara. And I touch up the eyebrows as well.

I also wear foundation once in awhile because my complexion is not evenly shaded. I guess it's partly hormonal, but also some redness or splotchiness on my chin. No, it is not rosacea.

I used to use a wonderful moisturizer but it is so expensive. I know it kept the bags under my eyes minimized and it really did keep my face smoother. 

No, I don't do it for men. I do it for me. I do it more now because I have a job. 

[Melissa in Australia]

I wear mascara. It is all about sex. I read somewhere that it makes you look more alluring. Sort of a subtle message. I thought I would give it a try and it seems to work, so I kept it up.

 

 

 

I don't do any other makeup.

[Carrie12345]

So, I can understand a "creative outlet." That sort of thing, IMO, is in line with things like sewing up an awesome Halloween Costume for my kids, or trying out new recipes (I am working on my menu now and pulling out all sorts of new recipes to try.) So, I do understand that aspect of it.

 

But the bolded part....I am trying to understand why. Is it because the technique is difficult and and getting that right feels like an accomplishment? Or is it something else? Genuinely I am asking, because to me, the statement means that this makes you feel empowered. Which, is great for you, really, but, I just don't understand what power comes from this?

 

I feel empowered from things I can do or accomplish. So, growing vegetables helps me feel empowered because it means I can feed or provide for my family. Earning my degree helps me feel empowered because it meant that I was able to accomplish something that was made even more difficult by being a single parent. Going out and picking up a job within 24 hrs of DH being laid off makes me feel empowered because it meant I was making huge contributions to supporting our family and DH. I just don't quite understand what having a particular appearance does or accomplishes for me?

Successful gardening makes me feel like a god. Increasing my leg press weight makes me feel like a badass. Nailing a new recipe makes me feel like a supermom/wife. Finding and wearing the perfect fashion boots makes me feel like I can rock the world. Pulling off a perfect manicure makes me feel glamorous.

 

I'm guessing you don't think people have to sew costumes or be excellent chefs to be justified in feeling accomplished, right? You know those things don't do it for everyone. So it would be silly for someone to say, "Explain to me how those things make you feel good." We just accept that they do, hopefully without extrapolating judgment.

 

Same with winged eyeliner. Which I won't wear because I think I'd look crazy. But I can appreciate the skill and look on others.

 

One person’s winged eyeliner is my flawless manicure, lol.

[Guest]

I wear mascara. It is all about sex. I read somewhere that it makes you look more alluring. Sort of a subtle message. I thought I would give it a try and it seems to work, so I kept it up.

 

 

 

I don't do any other makeup.

😂😂😂

 

What would happen if we told you lipstick is all about sex, too? Your mouth will look like a target to your mate. I wonder if it doubles the effect of mascara? 😉

[Joyofsixreboot]

Plain old fun. It's like art or painting. I can project a feeling or image and change it on a whim. It's fingerpainting for a grown up. I can be professional or hard rocker or glam with the swipe of a wipe. In my mind it also represents the care I am willing to give myself. The time I spend (not always that long but still) is time I deserve and am willing to take. So if I feel like winged eyeliner one day great and if I feel like some BB cream and lip gloss good and if I don't want to wear any I don't. For me it is personal.

 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

Edited August 10, 2017 by joyofsix

[Melissa in Australia]

😂😂😂

 

What would happen if we told you lipstick is all about sex, too? Your mouth will look like a target to your mate. I wonder if it doubles the effect of mascara? 😉

Unfortunately DHhas multiple chemical sensitivities and cannot tolerate lipstick. It would repell him rather than attract him

[Guest]

Unfortunately DHhas multiple chemical sensitivities and cannot tolerate lipstick. It would repell him rather than attract him

Maybe you cohld paint it with chocolate. 😀

[MSNative]

So, I can understand a "creative outlet."  That sort of thing, IMO, is in line with things like sewing up an awesome Halloween Costume for my kids, or trying out new recipes (I am working on my menu now and pulling out all sorts of new recipes to try.)  So, I do understand that aspect of it. 

 

But the bolded part....I am trying to understand why.  Is it because the technique is difficult and and getting that right feels like an accomplishment?  Or is it something else?  Genuinely I am asking, because to me, the statement means that this makes you feel empowered.  Which, is great for you, really, but, I just don't understand what power comes from this?

 

I feel empowered from things I can do or accomplish.  So, growing vegetables helps me feel empowered because it means I can feed or provide for my family.  Earning my degree helps me feel empowered because it meant that I was able to accomplish something that was made even more difficult by being a single parent.  Going out and picking up a job within 24 hrs of DH being laid off makes me feel empowered because it meant I was making huge contributions to supporting our family and DH.  I just don't quite understand what having a particular appearance does or accomplishes for me?

I grow veggies for my family too. I even raise and "harvest" our meat.  I work three jobs and homeschool my youngest.  Sure all of those things make me feel empowered.  None of that has to do with a winged eyeliner.  But yes, when I attempt something and accomplish it - even as something as superficial as eyeliner it gives me a boost.  

 

I feel better about myself and more confident when I think I look better.  I can do my everyday full face in less than three minutes (no winged liner.  Sheesh a winged liner would add 20 minutes.)  Less time than it takes me to prepare the healthy meals I want for my family or to exercise.  To me its kinda like getting dressed.  I feel a whole lot better facing the day when Im dressed than if Im in my pjs.  

 

Whats the psychology behind it?  No idea.  lol.  But I do remember reading Flylady back in the day when my oldest was a baby.  She talked about how getting dressed to the shoes changes how you act.  Well my sink doesnt shine and I havent followed her in years but I guess that stuck with me.  lol!

 

http://www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/flying-lessons/dressed-to-shoes/

[Audrey]

I enjoy playing with make-up.  I prefer the way I look with make-up.  When unwell, it's one of the few things that make me feel connected to my own body again, and less like a piece of wretched meat.

[Seasider]

😂😂😂

 

What would happen if we told you lipstick is all about sex, too? Your mouth will look like a target to your mate. I wonder if it doubles the effect of mascara? 😉

No no no it's not about sex, it's about Mardi Gras. Every southern gal knows the perfect red shade of bead-catching lipstick.

[Angie in VA]

I just started wearing some every day, but it's because I want to. DH is wonderfully accepting of me whether I wear it or not. I like to have mascara on b/c it makes my eyes look better and therefore feel prettier (not pretty, mind you, b/c I'm not), and better about myself. I added some foundation and try to fill in my eyebrows. I don't have a blush I like much and I am awful about lip color. I drink so much water that it's a bother to remove and re-apply, so I skip lip color right now. 

 

Also, and I could be imagining this, but people treat me better when I wear make up and fix my hair. It might be that they respond to my boosted confidence. Either way, I like being treated better and feeling better about myself. 

 

What is more astonishing is that I dutifully remove my makeup every night. That is a new practice! It helps that we recently bought some beautiful sheets and I don't want to mess them up, lol. 

[lmrich]

My make-up routine is 5 minutes, tops. I love how moisturizer feels on my face. I like how my eyes pop with a bit of mascara and eye liner; it makes me feel more confident. I also wear make-up because it was something my mom did. She has given me 2/3 of my make-up. 

 

I only wear make-up two or three times a week. I am comfortable to leave the house without 'my face done.' I do not think my mom has ever left the house without hair and make-up done. Different generation with different ideas - it makes her feel more comfortable, so it is all fine with me.