Would you leave a teen home alone overnight?

[G5052]

In a populated county not far from us, the police put out a brochure that recommends not leaving a teen overnight alone until they are 16. Of course they say that's only guidance, but that actually seems about right to me.

[JFSinIL]

Depends.  What if word gets out that a young female teen is home alone...would others figure "party central" and decide to drop in?  I'd make her come along. Tell her when she is a mom she can let her teen stay home alone as much as she likes.  :-)

[Kassia]

Depends.  What if word gets out that a young female teen is home alone...would others figure "party central" and decide to drop in?  I'd make her come along. Tell her when she is a mom she can let her teen stay home alone as much as she likes.  :-)

 

 

There is no way that would happen.  She is such an introvert and, at most, would only tell her one friend who is also an introvert (probably wouldn't even tell her, though).  No teens would know that she was alone. 

 

But I agree with pulling the mom card.  :)

[MaeFlowers]

Well, I just left my almost 15 year old home alone over night. It wasn't really planned - we had plans to all go away for the weekend and he basically just refused to go when it was time. Instead of a huge fight (or all staying home even though we had booked a hotel etc.) we left him at home. It went fine.

 

He isn't excessively mature, but I had no concerns about possible parties etc. as he isn't the type. We live in an apartment and there are neighbors all around so someone would have been available in an emergency. Also, I checked on him via cell phone and we weren't that far away (maybe 1.5 hours).

 

I definitely stayed home at that age on my own. Anyway, I wasn't all the way happy about doing it, but wasn't really worried either. Of course something can happen, but not really more than if I just left him alone in the afternoon etc. We do live overseas though and I think rules are less strict in this regard.

 

Edited to add: I am pretty surprised to see that so many think it would be better if there was a friend over. I would have thought the chances of mischief are much higher with two teenagers than just one...

I was someone who asked about a friend staying. I think mischief is greater but they also have someone if they are scared or in trouble. That's more important to me.

[scrapbookbuzz]

I'd let her stay home. You say she's responsible so give her the opportunity TO be responsible.

As for no family nearby, do you all have friends? And you said there's a neighbor she can call. 

Let your neighbor know what's up and go do what needs to be done. 

 

OR, is there one of her friends she can stay overnight with? 

Edited July 2, 2017 by scrapbookbuzz

[gstharr]

Yeah, of course. My parents left me alone for about a week while they took a vacation to Italy as a kid. I was 12 or 13? Grandparents in town and my older brother was available too, though he was pretty busy. It went just fine (but they missed my birthday! I was grumpy about that).

 

For a responsible kid? No problem. I would, however, find a neighbor to act as an emergency contact since there is no family in town.

 I was also 13 when I stayed alone overnight.  The folks were driving from Los Angeles to Virginia in a '65 Mustang.  If I had gone it would have been folks upfront with infant sister (way before car seat rules), and 3 of us in the back.  I balked because I did not really like the step enough to be  that close for so long, and had no interest in meeting step's family.  The folks were actually excited for me to stay home after they thought it through.  More room in the car.  They were gone around 2 weeks.  They gave me money for food and called regularly.   I had a blast.  The neighbors all knew I was home alone, but no one did anything special for me.  So, my answer is yes. With cell phones, face time, internet nowadays, it should be a cinch. 

[73349]

Your DD sounds like me, and I would've been fine alone for a couple of nights at that age. I would go over some what-ifs with her, though:

how to shut off plumbing

neighborhood evacuation (e.g., for a gas leak)

getting sick

two or three other numbers to call if she can't reach you on your cell phone

etc.

 

That way in the unlikely event that something does come up, she doesn't draw a blank.

 

ETA:

I'm amazed at the inconsistencies in some states' laws. Tennessee says, "In most cases, older teenage children may be left alone for short periods of time" AND also that 16-year-olds may marry with parental consent (but may not drive a car without an adult from 11PM to 6 AM).

 

And at the ranges among states at well. Leaving a kid home alone: 8 in NC, but 14 in IL? Wow.

Edited July 2, 2017 by whitehawk

[Kassia]

Your DD sounds like me, and I would've been fine alone for a couple of nights at that age. I would go over some what-ifs with her, though:

how to shut off plumbing

neighborhood evacuation (e.g., for a gas leak)

getting sick

two or three other numbers to call if she can't reach you on your cell phone

etc.

 

That way in the unlikely event that something does come up, she doesn't draw a blank.

 

She and I agree that, most likely, everything would be fine.  But I don't think it's worth the risk and she doesn't see it that way.  She sees it as a huge waste for her to go.  She has a lot going on here and is upset about losing the time for no reason.  My feeling is that we're all losing time and just have to deal with it.

[73349]

double post, sorry

Edited July 2, 2017 by whitehawk

[idnib]

Depends on the kid, but I would. When I was 16 my parents flew to another state for a conference and left me to watch my younger sibling for 4 days.

 

I doubt most people would be concerned about leaving a child that age home alone if they went to a late event until 1:00am, and I doubt people would worry if they were leaving at 5:00am to get an early start, so it seems like the main concern is those middle of the night hours, but that's not really rational.

 

The only thing that would give me pause is that we live in earthquake country and having been through large  earthquakes before, I have seen roads be closed/buckled/collapsed and people having to take extra days to be able to get home. In my case I would definitely have a backup plan of going to stay with the neighbors. 

[Kassia]

 

The only thing that would give me pause is that we live in earthquake country and having been through large  earthquakes before, I have seen roads be closed/buckled/collapsed and people having to take extra days to be able to get home. In my case I would definitely have a backup plan of going to stay with the neighbors. 

 

I have thought about the fact that something could happen that would cause us to not be able to make it home as expected and she would be alone here.  That's another reason to bring her along even though a delay would make her even more miserable and she would much rather be home. 

[rebcoola]

I would but I house sat for much older sister for 10 days by myself at 15.

[wendyroo]

Am I the only one who babysat at that age overnight??

 

I would be perfectly fine with it if the teen was comfortable.

 

I often babysat overnight at that age.  

 

I also had two part-time weekend jobs, so a couple times a month my parents and younger brother would spend the weekend at our cottage (an hour's drive away) and I would stay home to work.  I would feed myself (junk food), clean up after myself (sort of :sleep: ), walk to work each day, and enjoy the quiet of having the house to myself the rest of the weekend.

 

We did not have any family in the area, but we were friendly with several neighbors, including the many nearby families that I frequently babysat for.  They didn't check in on me or anything (or even know that I was home alone), but their phone numbers were right by the phone in case of emergency.

 

Those weekends left me feeling responsible, confident, independent, etc.  They were great preparation for when I started driving and taking college classes the next year.

 

Wendy

[idnib]

I have thought about the fact that something could happen that would cause us to not be able to make it home as expected and she would be alone here.  That's another reason to bring her along even though a delay would make her even more miserable and she would much rather be home. 

 

I don't think it's either/or as long as you have a backup plan for where she could go or her BFF could check in on her if you're delayed. I was just mentioning a delayed return as a factor that comes to my mind and that I would want to plan for in advance.

 

Based on your description of her, she'd probably really enjoy the quiet alone time. But if you're going to be stressed then maybe it's not worth it. It's not the end of the world for a 14yo to feel miserable for a couple of days for the sake of her brother's success. It's character building. 

[luuknam]

If your state doesn't set a minimum legal age, then that generally means it's up to the emergency responders to decide in the moment whether they think your child is too young. Imagine a team of firefighters and maybe an officer or two at a 2 am house call. Everything's safe, but do they walk away and leave a 14-yr-old teen home alone? They have to make the call. Does she look young? Does she look younger than normal in her jammies with no makeup? Are a bunch of (often male) emergency workers ever going to walk away and leave a 14-yr-old female home alone at 2 am? Or do they cover themselves by making a quick call to social services? 

 

 

This. It would depend on state law, and what the kid looks and acts like, etc. That said, I think that almost 15 is definitely old enough to be home alone for one night. 

 

For example, the Dutch court system allowed Laura Dekker to start sailing around the world alone at almost 15yo (which involved being alone at night, on a boat, out at sea): 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Dekker

[Bluegoat]

Yes, I'd be fine with this.

 

Actually, I'd almost prefer to leave a 14 or 15 year old in many cases than a 16 or 17 year old.  The latter, IME, are much more likely to decide to take advantage of parent's absence to get up to something.

[luuknam]

Forgot to mention local law as well, like the county law someone mentioned upthread. 

 

Realistically, most of the things that can go wrong would be the same as if I were to stay home alone. I don't think I'd be much safer at 32 if someone were to break in or if the house were to burn down than I would've been at 14. And with US drinking age being 21, a 16 or 18yo could throw just as illegal a party as a 14yo, so I don't think that's really an important distinction either. I think having a driver's license is pretty much completely irrelevant... there are plenty of people without driver's licenses who are adults and live alone or w/e. So, to me, it mostly boils down to responsibility/maturity. Are they going to freak out about that spider OP mentioned and be unable to sleep at night? Etc?

 

That said, iiuc OP's kid has never been to a sleepover? In which case, I might be inclined to encourage doing a sleepover at her friend's house, since she might need to live with roommates at college, or just when at her first job and not having much money, etc... I think it'd be a useful experience to do a sleepover. I also thinking staying home alone at night is a useful experience. And to be honest, me worrying about stuff make me more inclined to just do it and get it over with - if I have to wait until I'm not going to worry about something like that, it's never going to happen - the first time for stuff like that is always going to make me nervous. 

[Junie]

Going on the trip will make her miserable because she'll be bored.

 

Staying home will make you miserable because you'll be worried.

 

If it were my teen, I would give her the choice of coming along or staying at a friend's house.

[Bluegoat]

Am I the only one who babysat at that age overnight??

 

I would be perfectly fine with it if the teen was comfortable.

 

No.  When I was small, my mom worked the night shift as an ER nurse.  The girl who stayed over-night with me was in grade 7.

[Bluegoat]

I was never left home alone overnight as a teen. I stayed with friends or grandparents. I went off and put myself through college and grad school and never was homesick. I don't think one night in the kid's life is going to infantilize them.

 

I don't think anyone thinks that one night is the issue.  Or even that if it just happens someone never stays alone, that is the issue.

 

It's the thinking behind many teens being kept from doing things that used to be considered developmentally normal at that age, on the grounds that they are too immature, or it is not safe.  That isn't just going to impact one night, but what they do every day.

 

That university level kids are having a harder time coping with independence than they used to seems to be a pretty common observation among people working in academia.  I don't know that it would be simple to study the reasons for something like that, but it seems a pretty reasonable hypothesis to connect it with less independence in the teen years.

[Renthead Mommy]

I know for a fact my stb 15 can sleep through the smoke dector going off.

 

This lead to conversations in our bs troop where I was told by other parents their boys had sleep through smoke alarms and house alarms going off as well.

 

So I would be a no.

 

Plus not sure what the legal age is.

Edited July 4, 2017 by Renthead Mommy

[Kassia]

Forgot to mention local law as well, like the county law someone mentioned upthread. 

 

Realistically, most of the things that can go wrong would be the same as if I were to stay home alone. I don't think I'd be much safer at 32 if someone were to break in or if the house were to burn down than I would've been at 14. And with US drinking age being 21, a 16 or 18yo could throw just as illegal a party as a 14yo, so I don't think that's really an important distinction either. I think having a driver's license is pretty much completely irrelevant... there are plenty of people without driver's licenses who are adults and live alone or w/e. So, to me, it mostly boils down to responsibility/maturity. Are they going to freak out about that spider OP mentioned and be unable to sleep at night? Etc?

 

That said, iiuc OP's kid has never been to a sleepover? In which case, I might be inclined to encourage doing a sleepover at her friend's house, since she might need to live with roommates at college, or just when at her first job and not having much money, etc... I think it'd be a useful experience to do a sleepover. I also thinking staying home alone at night is a useful experience. And to be honest, me worrying about stuff make me more inclined to just do it and get it over with - if I have to wait until I'm not going to worry about something like that, it's never going to happen - the first time for stuff like that is always going to make me nervous. 

 

She has been to a sleepover, but doesn't like them much.  It will be interesting when she goes off to college and has to share a room.  Maybe she'll be more adaptable by then.  

 

Her argument was similar to what you wrote above about things that can go wrong and her age.  We left her brother alone in the house when we went out of the country for 8 days on vacation recently and I doubt he would be able to handle anything that she couldn't.  He did kill two wasps in the family room while we were gone (we haven't had wasps in the house before or after that) and I don't know if she would have done that.  

[luuknam]

Btw, I wouldn't let my almost 15yo sail around the world alone, I don't think. But I thought it was interesting that the court system said no at almost 14, and put her in shared custody with children's services or something, and then at almost 15yo said "okay, fine, w/e". 

 

And I get that the special needs older sibling thing is awkward too... Mine are often quite similar in maturity level etc, but I just cannot let my youngest do certain things I let my oldest do, because he is 3.25 years younger, and age matters. But, that just falls under "life is not fair", imo. 

Edited July 4, 2017 by luuknam

[2_girls_mommy]

I'd leave a 14 yr old for a few hours alone. But not overnight. If they are responsible to get a DL at 16 then that would be my parameter for home alone over night.

 

If it was an extenuating circumstance for a family emergency elsewhere, I'd reconsider, but this isn't.

This is kind of my thought. I have a 14 yr old. It is still very IMO.   But if something came up at night that was an emergency kind of thing I would, but not for this.  I honestly don't know if I would leave my kids at 16 overnight, but that may be more to do with where we live. 

[RootAnn]

I think it depends on the kid, the support structure, and the area you live in.

 

I've left a teen (15) alone at our house & the house she was house-sitting for several days/nights straight. I live in a small (farm) town. She had several people watching out for her and making contact with her (in person) at least once per day.