bookbard Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 So, my Mum will be 70. I have asked her a few times. She doesn't want a party. My siblings are convinced that nevertheless, we should have a party. I am finding this very annoying. They want a party so they can tick off obligation - go to party, all done. Easier than actually listening to what she does want! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 What about you all just go out to dinner or something? I'm with you. If she doesn't want a party, why force her to have a party?! 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Small group of people, go out to dinner, give her a low key gift like a photo album filled with pics of the family, and call it quits. It is a kind of meet in the middle solution. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Yeah, just ask her if she'd be okay with (insert idea everyone seems on board with). Maybe the dinner. But if she doesn't want any of the suggestions then I guess it's kind of rude to push it. Maybe she'd just like to see everyone close to her, but not have it be an official party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I agree with others, dinner instead of a party. It doesn't need to be fancy. Or even lunch, which would be less exhausting. For my older relatives, I've found that big gatherings make them tired, especially towards the end of the day. My grandfather still walks three miles every day as he nears ninety, but declines most big social gatherings. He enjoys being taken out to lunch or an early dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookbard Posted May 31, 2017 Author Share Posted May 31, 2017 Yes, she'd rather just have a simple family meet-up. She's said it; I'm trying to say it again, so some people listen. It's driving me insane! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs.Wilson Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I don't like parties, either. We started going to a new church where I became pregnant with #5. The pastor's daughter asked if she could throw me a shower. I politely explained that I don't like parties thrown for me. She insisted and wouldn't let up. I finally gave in. I was miserable the whole time. When I became pregnant with #6 we had the same discussion all over again. She even said, "Just let me do it for me." I gave in, but later asked her to please not do it. I was a little more forceful this time and she gave in. It was very awkward and annoying to have to have that conversation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 My mother got very angry at my DH because he didn't throw me a 40th birthday party. Of course, he knows me so much better than she does and knows I would have hated one. She was crazy resentful of my refusal when she threatened to put one together. Some people really, really don't get it. *shakes head* Good luck, OP. I hope you can talk some sense into them. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I'd stick with a nice, quiet dinner with family only. I'd think that close family members would know their mother well enough to know what she really means. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I am going through this right now with my 17 year old who claims he doesn't want a graduation party. I am pretty ticked about it. I got the advice to throw him a party and invite the people who have helped raise him (parents, grandparents, friends etc) and if he doesn't want to come oh well. With a 70 year old? I would honor her request even more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 Oh goodness, I've been dealing with this for the last several months. Do something to recognize the birthday, don't throw a party. When my mother in law turned 60 we took her to her favorite restaurant and bought her some balloons. My husband thought for sure she would hate so much attention, but the balloons were just the perfect amount of fuss for her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 My dad is like this. What we often do is do lunch at a park or zoo or something - a neutral activity that he will enjoy because he doesn't like being the centre of attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 I hope your poor mom doesn't have to suffer through a party. Knowing someone doesn't want a party and throwing one anyway is just mean. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 (edited) Yes, she'd rather just have a simple family meet-up. She's said it; I'm trying to say it again, so some people listen. It's driving me insane! Sometimes you have to be the bossy one and just say "no! There will be no party. She wants x and that's what's happening." And then you go ahead and be the best Miss BossyPants you can be and organize what she does want. FWIW, I detest parties for me. I like parties for anyone else who wants a party to be thrown for them. I'll party all day and all night for anyone else. But, if you throw me a party, I'm out that door in a heart beat. All my family and friends know this. I'd consider it a real slap in the face if anyone did that to me. Edited June 1, 2017 by Audrey 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 I am going through this right now with my 17 year old who claims he doesn't want a graduation party. I am pretty ticked about it. I got the advice to throw him a party and invite the people who have helped raise him (parents, grandparents, friends etc) and if he doesn't want to come oh well. With a 70 year old? I would honor her request even more. That's my boy, too. Doesn't want a party, but he would like to go do something with his dad and me. I'm a little surprised. He does enjoy a party usually, but maybe he's like me and doesn't like fuss when he's the centre of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 That's my boy, too. Doesn't want a party, but he would like to go do something with his dad and me. I'm a little surprised. He does enjoy a party usually, but maybe he's like me and doesn't like fuss when he's the centre of it. Maybe it is the new thing. My boy links parties too. He likes people. He isn't shy. Shrug. I am not going to fret too much about it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 So, my Mum will be 70. I have asked her a few times. She doesn't want a party. My siblings are convinced that nevertheless, we should have a party. While they are still squabbling, how about Mum sends out cards saying "On the occasion of my 70th birthday, I shall be at home to visitors from X time - Y time." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 For the anniversary party the siblings are throwing for my parents, a conference call helped. Not sure if you can do that but having everyone on one phone call with one person who is good at peacekeeping was so helpful for me and my family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 I am going through this right now with my 17 year old who claims he doesn't want a graduation party. I am pretty ticked about it. I got the advice to throw him a party and invite the people who have helped raise him (parents, grandparents, friends etc) and if he doesn't want to come oh well. With a 70 year old? I would honor her request even more. I would say to honor the request 99% of the time (including with your mom, OP). My dd said she didn't want a grad party either. But I just had a feeling about it... she has never been a graduate before, and I remember so clearly how loved I felt when all those adults who had watched me grow up gathered to show their support. So I did it anyway. And you know what? She thanked me probably ten times. She said "Mom, I felt so loved. Thank you so much for doing that." So sometimes (very rarely) you ignore the protests and do it anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookbard Posted June 1, 2017 Author Share Posted June 1, 2017 Thanks everyone. I ended up calling one sister (the peacemaker one) and I think it is all sorted out - thank goodness! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 One year for my parents' anniversary I mailed out requests for anniversary greetings to be mailed to them. People responded well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 I'd stick with a nice, quiet dinner with family only. I'd think that close family members would know their mother well enough to know what she really means. Not necessarily. My sister loves parties, loves being the center of attention. If my mom, or dad, or I had said we didn't want a party, she would have assumed we didn't mean it and would have thrown us a party over our objections. Because, who doesn't love a party? She does, so everyone else must, right? :glare: OP, glad you got it worked out! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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