Could this be successful?

[MamaBearTeacher]

I have posted in the past that my two oldest who are teens have special needs.  They are, in fact, extremely needy and require someone in the room with them at all times.  They have mood issues too and this can be very draining but I try to deal with it the best I can.  I homeschool them during the day and when they are in a good mood I absolutely love it and they learn a lot.  In other ways the time crunch of life has gotten difficult.  There are things in the house that are broken, forms to fill out, cleaning, decluttering, renovations, yard work in the summer.  

 

A few years ago I made a "To Do" List.  It ended up having 500 items on it.  Most have to do with repairing things in the house but there are a variety of things.  The items will take between one and twenty hours to do each.  I have ticked off about 80 items.  Unfortunately, I have added more, there are things that break every week and there is a lot of important stuff that I just never wrote down on the list.  Our house is looking pretty slummy and disgusting.  We don't have anyone over but we need to have a home that people would feel comfortable entering.  

 

We had a full kitchen renovation done a few years ago.  That was very very difficult.  We have also had handymen come and do a few things here and there.  The handymen we used in the past are very busy now and they have said that a lot of things I asked them to do I could easily do myself.  The problem is that I don't have time and never manage to do it.  I only have the time when DH gets home from work and weekends.  I have to make dinner every night and help our other DS with homework and spend time with him.  We have 14 loads of laundry a week.  I end up grocery shopping full cart 3-4 times a week because they eat so much.  I have to drive to their activities.  After 8 pm I do not do anything productive.

 

We used to do more as a family before The List.  I put it aside for 4 months but it needs to get done.

 

I had an idea that it would be nice have a team of volunteers who could help me get things done.  I think that that there are people out there who would not mind doing something like that just for the satisfaction of helping, working together and creating a before and after.  Maybe people who are retired but still young and who have free time.  What do you think?

 

The problem is I have no idea where to find such people.  We are very isolated.  We have no family and friends.  DS's behavior is scary and scares people away.  I am shy and find it hard to ask for something from others.  We don't belong to a church.  DH has coworkers but they are busy.  I think advertising on Craigslist would not be safe and might not attract the right person.  Any ideas?

 

Do you think this idea will work or should I not bother because it will be too challenging?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Can you google non-profits in your area to see if there are charities serving special needs families who could help? 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Could you tackle it from the other direction, and seek out respite care for the children so that you could get a break from your routine, and tackle these jobs that are so hard to hire out?

 

I only mention it because I think it would be easier to find; in our city, at least, there are many organizations that offer day programs for teens and adults with similar needs. A good friend is the director of one such program. She says that while they offer a lot of occupational therapy and skills training, the main reasons the students are there are for socialization and parental respite.

[TeenagerMom]

A huge timesaver for me is buying our groceries online and picking up at the store. The only place it's available in our area is Walmart, but with our crazy life, it is well worth it.

 

 

You might look into your local Lions Club, Masonic Lodge, or Biker Clubs that do charitable work or contact local youth groups.

[MooCow]

I would find out if there is a young marines group in your county. They were always doing community service and helping others.

[bethben]

A huge timesaver for me is buying our groceries online and picking up at the store. The only place it's available in our area is Walmart, but with our crazy life, it is worth it.

I do this also. It takes me 10 minutes to put my grocery list into the computer and I have my DH pick it up. I also do two huge Costco runs per month. That takes care of food. When we moved, we also found a house with a smaller yard. We went from 1 1/2 hours of mowing plus extra for weed removal to 15 minutes of lawn mowing and rocks. It helped a ton with time constraints.

 

 

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Edited March 8, 2017 by bethben

[abacus2]

Check with local colleges and churches to see if they do community service and might be able to help. 

 

You might be able to find one person who would mow and complete landscape tasks for a reasonable price.

[J-rap]

You certainly have your hands full!  I wonder if you could offer to donate some money to a group -- say between $50-$100, for a Saturday morning of work.  Maybe a 4H club, or a church youth group that is trying to fundraise.  If you had 10 teens working from 8am to noon, you could probably get a lot done.  Maybe your dh can be out with the kids somewhere so you can concentrate on being the group supervisor while they're there.

 

I know that's not volunteer work, and maybe you're not able to afford to pay anything at all.

 

Perhaps you can call a county services office and see if they have any ideas.  Good luck!

[MercyA]

I would stick to contacting established charitable groups like those mentioned by other posters. I would not try to find individuals to do this type of thing. It's too risky. 

 

Could you tell us what state you are in?

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Liz CA]

Can you google non-profits in your area to see if there are charities serving special needs families who could help? 

 

I was thinking along the same lines. The youth group at our current church does jobs at people's homes - inside and outside for a donation. This is how they finance their mission trips. And with our youth group you need not attend our church or any church.

Edited March 8, 2017 by Liz CA

[maize]

Church youth groups, scout groups, etc. might be worth looking into if these are projects that could be tackled by youth under adult supervision. These groups are often looking for service project ideas.

[Selkie]

Check with the schools in your area. Here, there are several high school student organizations that do community service projects.

 

Good luck!

[MamaBearTeacher]

Thanks for all the ideas! I think I am confused about what I need. I guess I am just feeling overwhelmed by the 500 item plus To Do list. Really, most of the stuff on the list are not the kind of thing that requires hours of labour by a team. It is more small jobs inside my house that require thinking about and planning, then buying the right part etc. I don't think this is the right thing for a youth group.

 

I think I need direction more than I can give direction. In addition to the things that take up my time that I already described DSs often moan for 1-2 hours every day. it is usually in the evening. During this time I cannot do anything or even think at all. I cannot leave the house. Ear plugs don't work and I have to spend time appeasing them.

 

Last year I interviewed over 15 respite workers. Between the advertising, interviews, phone calls and emails, it ended up taking over 40 hours of my time. None of them ended up working for us. Two years ago we had a really nice girl doing respite but she required a lot of handholding and I did not get a lot done when she came over.

[KungFuPanda]

I think in your situation your best bet would be to team up with your husband and have one person care for the kids while the other tackles a job. Youtube tutorials are amazing, even if you have to do your research in the evening, with headphones on, in your car or at a coffee shop. Then, one weekend day a week/month/whatever, you actually spend the hands on time doing the chores while the other parent manages the kids at home or out.

 

I'd be tempted to write out the 20 easiest jobs from the list and start there just to feel accomplished quickly. It might also help to dedicate 30-60 minutes a day while the kids are sleeping/happy to conquering this list. That time may come from your sleep or from your regular history studies, but your habit of ALWAYS putting your home last has got you into a bit of a hole and it's time to dig out. Remove cosmetic stuff from your list entirely. It's too much right now and it makes your list overwhelming. Try to do 100 things yourself first, and then re-evaluate what type of help you truly need before reaching out.

 

ETA: It may be time to consider a special needs school for a year or a semester so that you can do these things during the day and still have energy to care for your kids at night. I think public education may be the most realistic and reliable help at this point.

Edited March 8, 2017 by KungFuPanda

[MamaBearTeacher]

I think in your situation your best bet would be to team up with your husband and have one person care for the kids while the other tackles a job. Youtube tutorials are amazing, even if you have to do your research in the evening, with headphones on, in your car or at a coffee shop. Then, one weekend day a week/month/whatever, you actually spend the hands on time doing the chores while the other parent manages the kids at home or out.

 

I'd be tempted to write out the 20 easiest jobs from the list and start there just to feel accomplished quickly. It might also help to dedicate 30-60 minutes a day while the kids are sleeping/happy to conquering this list. That time may come from your sleep or from your regular history studies, but your habit of ALWAYS putting your home last has got you into a bit of a hole and it's time to dig out. Remove cosmetic stuff from your list entirely. It's too much right now and it makes your list overwhelming. Try to do 100 things yourself first, and then re-evaluate what type of help you truly need before reaching out.

 

ETA: It may be time to consider a special needs school for a year or a semester so that you can do these things during the day and still have energy to care for your kids at night. I think public education may be the most realistic and reliable help at this point.

 

We have sent them to day camp in the summer for 2 years and that is when we did everything.  They also have Saturday activities.  The problem is that DS15 has not been well enough to go in the mornings and we could only send him for a couple of hours.  I was very focused during that time and got as much as could realistically get done in a few hours.

 

There are so so many reasons that sending them to school would not work it would take me too long to explain.

[MamaBearTeacher]

I would stick to contacting established charitable groups like those mentioned by other posters. I would not try to find individuals to do this type of thing. It's too risky. 

 

Could you tell us what state you are in?

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

What do you mean by risky?  That someone might take advantage of us and steal from us or hurt the children?  

 

I guess I have a fantasy of someone who is really good at home repair/design helping me whip my house into shape.

[maize]

There are liability issues to consider.

 

I am so sorry; I don't know how you hold up with year after year of bare survival mode.

[MercyA]

What do you mean by risky?  That someone might take advantage of us and steal from us or hurt the children?  

 

Yes, I think you might attract the wrong kind of person. Possibly someone looking to steal from you or harm the children, but more likely perhaps someone who is flakey or needy or just not very helpful. I can imagine this adding to your stress more than actually helping you.

 

This might sound harsh, but most reliable, competent people either aren't working for free or are volunteering with an established group. I imagine that someone who does good work for free would be hard to find and would probably not be searching Craigslist for opportunities.

 

I would contact churches and other groups mentioned here instead.

[lauraw4321]

I wouldn't post on craigslist.  That is risky, honestly, which has been mentioned.

 

Church and scout groups are what come to my mind.

 

:grouphug:

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

This might sound crazy, but what about selling and moving into an apartment where broken items are handled by calling the landlord?  Or moving into a rental with an established landlord who has a good reputation for maintaining premises?  There's no shame in admitting that the weight of caring for the home is too much in addition to the weight of caring for SN kids.  

[fairfarmhand]

Go to lowes.com and buy the parts/items needed for 10 things and have the delivered to your home. You'll be more efficient that way.

 

 

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[fairfarmhand]

I get behind on paperwork and forms too. Tackle that one hour at a time. First thing in the morning tackle that stack of paperwork. Spend 20 minutes sorting filing shredding and filling out forms every morning. Eventually you'll get there. Tackle one room one cupboard one closet 20 minutes at a time.

 

 

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[MamaBearTeacher]

Yes, I think you might attract the wrong kind of person. Possibly someone looking to steal from you or harm the children, but more likely perhaps someone who is flakey or needy or just not very helpful. I can imagine this adding to your stress more than actually helping you.

 

This might sound harsh, but most reliable, competent people either aren't working for free or are volunteering with an established group. I imagine that someone who does good work for free would be hard to find and would probably not be searching Craigslist for opportunities.

 

I would contact churches and other groups mentioned here instead.

 

Yeah, that was my thought about Craigslist.  But I was wondering if there might be another way to advertise or get the word out.

[MamaBearTeacher]

This might sound crazy, but what about selling and moving into an apartment where broken items are handled by calling the landlord?  Or moving into a rental with an established landlord who has a good reputation for maintaining premises?  There's no shame in admitting that the weight of caring for the home is too much in addition to the weight of caring for SN kids.  

 

We need to fix things and repaint before we could sell our home.  I have thought I would like to move somewhere warmer as I get older and so we need to get our house in working order.

 

We could not move into an apartment because my children's screaming would bother others a lot.  Where we live it is very expensive to rent a house.

[Murphy101]

Honestly? To hell with the house. I find it far more concerning that your support network has fallen apart than that the house is. I'd focus on building that first. Church, support group for you, a hobby, volunteering for something you think important - ANYTHING where you can find community is more important to your family health and your personal health than the house being fixed up. Even if it's only once a month.

 

As for the house, if you must focus on it, throw away any list with more than 3 items on it. Make a list once a week of 3-5 household goals that can be attained that week. Very week, make a new list comprised of whatever wasn't finished the previous week plus new goals to have a new 3-5 goals list. Go expedient and efficient, if you can do without it - get rid of it the fastest way possible and have one less thing to deal with.

 

A 500 item list would make me just want to crawl back into bed.

 

I agree with others that I don't think you will find the right people advertising solo.

[Carol in Cal.]

Here's a family camp that would give you all some time away and *some* respite:  http://www.joniandfriends.org/family-retreats/for-families/

 

If you planned it right, maybe a local fraternal benefit society like the Elks club would coordinate work on your home project list while you're gone?

 

Or I wonder whether your DH could go to the camp with the kiddos and you could coordinate at home, or vice versa?

Edited March 9, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[Carol in Cal.]

Also, do you have a longterm plan for these kids?  What will happen to them when you are gone?

I think if you don't I'd put that at the top of the list.

Maybe I'd talk to an estate lawyer about how to plan this out.

Or possibly there are nonprofits that assist with that planning.

 

This organization has good semi-independent and non-independent living options for such folks.  I know three families who used it and loved it.  http://bethesdalutherancommunities.org/about-us/

[BarbecueMom]

Do you live anywhere near a college? I was in a service fraternity in college, and we participated in The Big Event every year, which is done on several campuses in the spring nationwide (not all though). People in the community who needed help with service tasks signed up, and groups of college kids would come by and help. One year I deep cleaned a family's kitchen cabinets. They had a mouse problem at some point, and it just became too overwhelming for them to do. We got it all taken care of. Other groups did yard work and minor repairs.

[Guest]

Piping up so I can remember to tell you something later when I am near a keyboard.

[Guest]

OK, I don't have a solution for you.  BUT I have a nice story that shows how your post might have made a solution available for someone else someday.

 

I was out with my uncle, a recent widower, who has worked for years in construction and in his retirement, managing Habitat groups.  He's managed the building of a house a month for about 10 years now.  However, Habitat made some changes lately, and he's being pushed aside.  But he has a LOT to give, and he doesn't just want to sit down and die.  So I posed your problem to him.  He said that Habitat gets calls for help like this but they can't help; it is outside their charter.  I asked what he would suggest you do and he said that he would start by working with your church, if you are a church-goer (or even if you are not!).  So I asked him, "What would happen if someone with these needs called your church right this minute."  He thought about it and said, "You know, I think you've found a void here..."  And I could see the gears a-turning..."You know, this something the boys and I could do...but it's just never been organized.  I do think you are on to something here."  

 

 

So it sounds like he is going to get with "the boys" at church and see what they can do...they want to give to the community (not just church but the entire community) but there is no vehicle for this to happen.  But maybe in a few months, there WILL be in this town I am visiting...and there will be a happier guy who has a path for his generosity and talent.  And something meaningful for him and the boys to do together and in their latter years.  

 

Your post might have started something going here...and you can at least take a little joy from that, I hope.  :0)