My lack of confindence is stealing my joy

[Elizabeth86]

I'm looking for a bit of encouragement here guys.  My oldest is just in kindergarten and I find myself CONSTANTLY stressed and fixated on worrying about am I doing enough.  Has he learned as much as kids his age have learned in public school or private school?  Am I failing him?  Am I leaving something out?  What should my plan for the future be?  What curriculum will give me peace of mind that I desperately need?  I hear all sorts of homeschool success stories,but then I think well that's them and not me.  They did a good job but am I.  I don't doubt homeschool is great, I just doubt myself.  My dh is no help as he has no faith in the public school systems at all, so he says no matter what I do or teach ds will be better off for it.  How do you shake these worries and enjoy yourself?  As of right now, I haven't enjoyed a bit of ds's K year and that's a shame because I should have been relaxed and had a fun time with him. 

[EKS]

 My dh is no help as he has no faith in the public school systems at all, so he says no matter what I do or teach ds will be better off for it.  

 

First of all, the idea that homeschool is always better than public school is a myth.  You are right to be concerned.  Being concerned about our students' progress is one of our jobs as homeschooling parents.

 

That said, I know when I was first homeschooling, I was always trying to figure out what my son should know and be able to do at various times.  This was exacerbated by the fact that the reason we withdrew him from school was that he was extremely behind (undiagnosed dyslexia and ADHD).

 

If you want to be fairly sure you're on track, do these things in K:

 

Make your way through a reputable phonics program.  You do not need to finish the program in K.  If your child knows the basic consonant sounds and short vowels and can decode short words, you're good.  And if he doesn't, you're still good--my son, who is now in college, knew just a few letter sounds by the end of K.  Ten years later, he got a great score on the ACT.

 

Make your way through a K level handwriting program.  I like HWT, but other programs are just as good.  Spend about five minutes a day on handwriting practice.

 

Make your way through a reputable K level math program.  I like RightStart for that age, but there are multiple programs out there that will be just fine.

 

Read aloud every day.  Include a bit of nonfiction in your selections.

 

Give your child plenty of time to play--make sure he is getting lots of time to engage in imaginative play and outdoor time.

 

And the last two things (reading aloud and time to play) are really the most important.

 

That's really it for K.  Seriously.   

Edited February 15, 2017 by EKS

[OneStepAtATime]

What EKS said.  

 

:grouphug:

[mathmarm]

First of all, the idea that homeschool is always better than public school is a myth.  You are right to be concerned.  Being concerned about our students' progress is one of our jobs as homeschooling parents.

I agree. A certain amount of concern is healthy and good. What has your K year been like so far? What are your plans for 1st?

Have you seen progress in your Ker from the beginning of the year to now?

 

Kers, like all students, aren't perfectly linear. They might dawdle and struggle, then jump ahead. Or zoom ahead without a problem and then blam they hit a wall.

 

What do you feel was the biggest draw back this year? Perhaps if we can ID a few things that you know didn't go well, we can brainstorm ways to boost those areas and then once those areas are shored up and going smoothly, you'll feel better knowing that last semester he really struggled with ABC, but no he's really getting AB, so I know that C will come along.

 

Do you have a portfolio of his work?

[HomeAgain]

I keep a checklist.  I made it in Excel after looking at the "typical course study" on World Book and sorted it in broad sections : math, reading, writing, science, social studies, other.  About once a month I go in and check off what we've done or he has mastered.  It's an easy way for me to feel like we're on track (or making a conscious decision not to be in some cases) and have a progressive 'what to expect' chart for each grade.

[lllll]

nm

Edited March 2, 2017 by --Kathy--

[Elizabeth86]

I agree. A certain amount of concern is healthy and good. What has your K year been like so far? What are your plans for 1st?

Have you seen progress in your Ker from the beginning of the year to now?

 

Kers, like all students, aren't perfectly linear. They might dawdle and struggle, then jump ahead. Or zoom ahead without a problem and then blam they hit a wall.

 

What do you feel was the biggest draw back this year? Perhaps if we can ID a few things that you know didn't go well, we can brainstorm ways to boost those areas and then once those areas are shored up and going smoothly, you'll feel better knowing that last semester he really struggled with ABC, but no he's really getting AB, so I know that C will come along.

 

Do you have a portfolio of his work?

 

Thank you all for your responses.  Thank you for your questions.

 

At the beginning of the year, he only knew his letter sounds.  At the advice of my sister in law we decided to work through the reading lesson.  I have since heard criticism that it isn't a very good program, but he has been learning.  This has me discouraged a great deal that I chose poorly for the most important subject a kindergarten could have.  He doesn't like doing phonics, but he is making a lot of progress.  He has read all of Little Bear.  He can read a lot of things, but he does not like to read.  He can sound out just about anything I make him sound out, he just gets stubborn sometimes if he doesn't know the word right off.  He just wants to know the word, sounding things out slows him down and bothers him.  We are on the next to the last lesson in the reading lesson and I'm looking at abeka for a more tried and true approach for language arts next years.  We have also been doing a generic phonics workbook I picked up at the dollar store or somewhere. Almost done with that too.

 

As for handwriting.  He can write all uppercase and lowercase letters.  He gets 7 backwards almost all the time and 2 and 3 sometimes, but he is getting better with those 2.  I am going to make him go back through another alphabet book though because even though he can write all letters he still does write them not the right way sometimes.  HE likes to draw lines up instead of down and things like that.  I think overall he has good handwriting though.

 

For math, we did Singapore Essentials workbooks this year.  We have about 4 weeks left of finishing up workbook B.  This has been his favorite subject and he has flew through it.  He wants to work ahead all the time.  He hasn't had an ounce of trouble with any topic really.  They only thing he ever struggled with was it showed 2 objects and asked which was heavier on the balance the one up or down and he just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that the heavy one was down, but really I didn't think this was a big deal as I saw it was covered in 1st too and decided I'd get a small balance next year for him to see how it works.  He has many math facts memorized already.  I am worried about continuing on with Singapore as I can't really get a good feel for how "different" Singapore will be and how hard it could be for me to teach.  I'm craving more traditional math for my sake.  I love math, but new things scare me.  I do like the idea of mastery though.

 

We have attempted five in a row for extra stuff, but for whatever reason we didn't love it.  We read A LOT around here, but for some reason the activities just didn't happen for us like I had planned.  I'd plan out the is elaborate fun plan for a row and he'd just not want to do it.  He loves projects and activities, but when it's my idea he just isn't into it.

 

We read a ton.  He has been in love with books literally since he was 1 1/2.   

 

I guess the biggest drawback this year was that I didn't feel good about my curriculum choices and I'm driving myself crazy worrying about picking for next year and making it right.  He is super bright for his age.  He was a young K student.  The cut off date in my state was September 30th and that is ds bday, so he is the youngest possible K student.  I feel if he was in a traditional setting he would be a good student as he has been in homeschool.  He has been willing.  He literally absorbs everything.  I mean everything.  He learns everything I present him, I'm just worried I'm not giving him what he needs.  So, it's not really him I'm worried about.  He went from not reading at all to reading Little Bear, he has progressed.  He could write his name S A M at the beginning of the year now he knows the whole alphabet.  He went from counting to 20 to being able to add and subtract.  He's good.  I'm a basket case.  Just an fyi I overthink everything in my life and worry about everything.  You should have seen me as a new mom.  I'm also stressing science.  I want a great program because he loves science so much.  I don't want to make a bad choice.  I just can't get out of my head that it is ok to teach what is different from public schools.  I actually have in my mind he'll attend at least high school for public school and earlier if he wishes.  I just have this crazy notion that if I miss something from say 2nd grade social studies class that it will wreck him for life.  Now I try to tell myself this just couldn't be so, but I also just can't get this out of my head.  I want him to know everything his peers know plus more. 

 

[mom2bee]

Thank you all for your responses.  Thank you for your questions.

 

At the beginning of the year, he only knew his letter sounds.  At the advice of my sister in law we decided to work through The Reading Lesson.  I have since heard criticism that it isn't a very good program, but he has been learning.  This has me discouraged a great deal that I chose poorly for the most important subject a kindergarten could have.  He doesn't like doing phonics, but he is making a lot of progress.  He has read all of Little Bear.  He can read a lot of things, but he does not like to read.  He can sound out just about anything I make him sound out, he just gets stubborn sometimes if he doesn't know the word right off.  He just wants to know the word, sounding things out slows him down and bothers him.  We are on the next to the last lesson in the reading lesson and I'm looking at abeka for a more tried and true approach for language arts next years. 

Whoa--sorry, I have to jump in here. If you had spoken to me about reading curriculum, I'd have given you the exact same advice.

I LOVE The Reading Lesson and it is my "go to" learn to read phonics book. If I were suddenly turned into the Literacy Queen of The Universe, I'd make it THE 1st reading program of all young children in English Speaking Countries Around The World. Seriously.

 

You will hear criticism about EVERY. Single.Program out there. I have read through and used all the "Big name" learn to read programs.

Ordinary Parents Guide to Teaching Reading

Phonics Pathways

Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons / Funnix

Hooked on Phonics (80s, 90s and 00s editions)

Calvert Phonics

Websters Speller

Abeka (only browsed the 1st grade readers in the used bookstore.) I bought one second hand but didn't use it, re-donated it.

and a few others.

 

I would still pick The Reading Lesson over all of them combined. You chose a fantastic and effective reading program. I'm sorry that others don't like your choice, but so what? You will find that you are going to dislike other peoples choice of reading program too in a little while. In my experience (I'm a tutor, I see a lot more kids than the average HS mom) TRL is the easiest, most child-friendly and effective program for beginning readers of the modern era. I'm not saying that nothing out there is MORE effective, but out of all the ones that I own, use and have tried, I have had repeat success with the low-cost, no frills or fuss The Reading Lesson.

 

Any child who goes through TRL and completes it will be reading around a 2nd grade level, as you've seen demonstrated by your sons abilities. If you're interested, you can search for all the posts I have singing the praises of TRL. I can give you several ideas on where to go after The Reading Lesson.

 

You describe your son not liking to read and being impaitient--I have seen dozens of 4-7 years olds who fit that same description. Not all kids want to slow down and sound out words. Not every child is going to love reading in the early stages (or even the later stages). But having the ability to is what seperates them from their peers.

 

Have you tried NONFiction?

I had a 6yo who moaned and groaned about every beginning reader I could find. He liked Henry and Mudge. It turns out that in an effort to keep things "gentle" I was boring him out of his skull and he was frustrated. We switched to a literary diet of primarily Nonfiction from the easy reader and kids section (we'd buddy read some of the higher level books to compensate for his lower stamina) and "easy chapter books" like Henry and Mudge. He was tired of all those "simple phonics stories" about hogs on logs and goats at moats :laugh:

 

 

I didn't even read the rest of the post because I had to jump in and counter-act the Anti-TRL sentiment that I was getting.

For whatever my opinion is worth to you, I think that you chose the perfect learn to read program.

Edited February 15, 2017 by mom2bee

[SebastianCat]

It sounds like he's made a LOT of progress when you write everything down.   You're doing a great job!

 

If you look at homeschooling as your FULL TIME job, start treating what you do as a professional job and periodically give yourself an evaluation.   What curriculum worked well?   What did your DS enjoy?   What didn't work?   Make a list of what worked well and don't fix what's not broken.   Make a list of what didn't work well and try to understand why, then start researching options for next year.   Narrow down your options to about 3 or 4 different programs, then try to look at samples or ask questions or for curriculum reviews here.   Then make a choice for what you think will be the best fit, and stick with that program for the entire next year.    You'll be tempted to jump to different curricula many different times, but you'll have a much harder time evaluating what's working if you've jumped between 3 or 4 different curricula in a single year, not to mention the expense.   Keep a list of curricula that sound interesting, but don't switch until you finish what you already own.

 

This is my 10th year homeschooling, and I now have one child in high school and one child in middle school.   I can tell you from experience that you will NEVER pick a perfect curriculum for every subject, every year.   You may start with one program, then need to switch several years down the road.   What works for one child will NOT work for every child.   

 

It's also totally fine for your DS to move very quickly through one subject area and slower through others.   If he wants more math, let him move faster, as long as he's asking for more.   If he needs to slow down with phonics, let him slow down.   Reading will come in huge spurts, then plateau, and it's totally normal.    If you suspect that he may have a learning disability, keep some notes and ask questions here, but most kids will transition from "learn to read" to "read to learn" somewhere around 3rd grade.   

 

As for your own choices, there's virtually no way you can do what you've done for kindergarten and mess up your child.   You just wrote 6 paragraphs detailing progress!   It's so easy to second guess your choices when you compare yourself to other homeschooling families, but if your DS is making progress and is learning, you've made the RIGHT choices for your family.   The idea that "homeschooling kids will know everything his peers know plus more" is somewhat of a myth.    If you focus on helping your DS grow and reach his own God-given potential, not comparing him to peers, you'll be a total success.

[EKS]

I think you're doing just fine. 

[Renai]

I think you should print out the progress report you've just written and look at it every time your start doubting yourself.

 

I'm also in the camp of "if it's working, don't fix it." I taught my oldest through straight phonics - in English and Spanish. She's currently in 11th grade and is doing well. I've also tutored for many years using that approach to great success. My current kindergartner though, would run every time she heard it was time to read. That wasn't working. I heard about the Reading Lesson and downloaded the first two lessons free. It got used - willingly, and daily. So, I bought the book last month. It's the best $15 I've spent this year. It works, and it gets done. Despite using a different approach for years, I have no regrets using that book. The child is reading, and excited about it! That was the point.

 

You use what works for your child. I like to look at curriculum as resources.  After years of homeschooling, I've finally come back around to that thought. You can use what you have in the way that works for family. And feel GOOD about it! :D

 

Full disclosure: I work in the public school system (early childhood). For a while this year, I thought my daughter would do better (academically) if she were in school. But, I homeschool for a different reason. I don't agree with the way they teach reading, I don't agree with the long days, and I don't agree with the constant testing (phrased as "progress monitoring"). She would totally rebel and be miserable. (And I'd be the teacher with "that child" :lol: ).  I see the graphs and charts they show of student achievement in grades K-6, and I don't want my child in the system. I can create my own system. Just like you can. If it doesn't matter what the ps is doing, it doesn't matter what a particular homeschool family is using, even if it's your best friend. You are teaching YOURS.

 

And on that note: science. What is he interested in? You can teach that. Get books and videos, and read and watch. Science is simple in the early grades.

 

That was my long-winded way of saying: Be Encouraged. You're doing fine. :D

[Zoo Keeper]

:hurray: Well said, Renai. You articulated the "why" and the "how" of my family's education as well.

 

 Preach it!  :coolgleamA:

[Ausmumof3]

Honestly... Read aloud, do a basic maths program and make sure they learn the letters and sounds in k. If you can do more that's great but as long as you do these things you will do fine. And I know quite a few successful long term home schoolers and they all say the same.

[Peaceseeker]

Lots of new homeschool moms struggle with exactly what constitutes 'enough'. Especially when they have younger children and the school gets done very quickly (because it is gentle, short lessons, and age appropriate!) Then you have everyone comparing curriculum and you start second guessing all your choices because you are new at this and because it is so important to get it right. And probably you should be doing latin in kindergarten like family A, or you should have picked that awesome math program family B keeps bragging about.

 

No matter what curriculum you choose, even if it should win the coveted title of 'Most rigorous, remarkable, fun and engaging curriculum guaranteed to get your child into the best college EVER' - it will have some haters. It just will. Every single choice you make will have some people agreeing, and others disagreeing.

 

Everyone is a critic and new homeschool moms are a vulnerable population! But guess what? You are the homeschool mom who knows, loves, and teaches her kids. So you will find your own path as you go along. You get to decide. And that awesome responsibility can be terrifying I know.

 

My advice to new homeschool moms is to set some objective goals for the year, in line with your state requirements. Pick some things you want to accomplish that you can measure. Write it down. When you are insecure compare what you are doing to your goals and see how it is going. At the end of the year (or halfway through) see if you are on track. If not, you adjust. In homeschooling, there is always a lot of adjusting and that is ok. So when you start thinking it is not enough you can ask yourself are you are doing what you set out to do that year, or that semester? If it seems light, you increase next time. If it seems too heavy, you decrease or streamline something or just wait a bit for a developmental jump.

 

It's a journey and you will find your groove. Sounds like you are doing a great job so far! Enjoy these years and don't let comparison and insecurity be the thief of your joy. If you need outside accountability or verification of what is enough, post what you are doing on one of these boards and ask for feedback. You will get a lot of experience and perspective. But ultimately, you are choosing to drive this train. So don't forget to enjoy the ride!

[MistyMountain]

I am a worrier and I have second guessed myself like you have before but you are doing good. If you pick something that is not perfect it is fine. It is ok to switch things up or not have the perfect curriculum. Your ds is doing well with what you are using. He has made lots of progress and he is learning well. You are not messing him up for life if he does not have something they teach in a 2nd grade public school social studies class or if you do not have a science curriculum you love for kindergarten. You read aloud a ton, he is reading really well for his age and he is progressing in math. That is all you need. You are doing more then fine and what you are using is working. There are lots of kids in public school not having curriculum that fits them or the educational needs met so if he goes to school down the road being at home even with curriculum that is not perfect will not have ruined him. Do not let your worry about chosing or what he is missing steal your joy. Thing are going good even if it does not feel like it to you.

Edited February 15, 2017 by MistyMountain

[Guest]

I have only read the OP so far--

 

When my kids were young and I was worried, I sat down and thought, really thought, about why I thought I might not be doing right by my kids.

 

I came up with the fact that I felt insecure about my ability to know, and therefore teach, mathematics. I'd had a shoddy education that way (in ps) and when I was college aged, my friends teased me good naturedly--but relentlessly--about not just having a bunch of maths in my head at all times.

 

I was worried I was dooming my kids to being as dumb as I was. Further, I was actually hesitant and embarrassed for my old friends, that I no longer even talked to, really, to find out that I was homeschooling for fear that they would think I was perpetuating a grave injustice! I was young; it was a long time ago LOL. No such hesitation any more.

 

Anyway, so I studied math up through to Algebra 2. I could have gone further, but I was satisfied. I studied it, and it wasn't some ungraspable phantom. It was this real thing in front of me, that with proper instruction I could manipulate, and use to explain things! Amazing. It had gone down hill for me in the third grade, when I didn't "get" that +; x and exponents were all doing the same thing different ways in the time allotted for little 8 year old me to get it. From then on, I was "bad at math."

 

Well. I felt amazing when I wrapped up my self-studying and the light-bulbs going off about the core sources of those insecurities shined enough light that I could expose them and reason them away.

 

So my advice is to study something to a high level. [Obviously i know algebra II isn't a high level math for most ppl, but it was only the beginning for me] and BE, and feel, intelligent. I'm sure you're reading all about educating and homeschooling; don't forget to JUST read to learn while you're at it.

 

Also, it's a good instinct to eradicate the idea that anything outside of PS== better than anything in PS. That's flawed logic and just plain factually untrue.

Edited February 15, 2017 by OKBud

[EKS]

So my advice is to study something to a high level. [Obviously i know algebra II isn't a high level math for most ppl, but it was only the beginning for me] and BE, and feel, intelligent. I'm sure you're reading all about educating and homeschooling; don't forget to JUST read to learn while you're at it.

 

This is excellent advice.  The best things I ever did for our homeschool were to work well ahead of my kids in math, learn to read music, and take graduate level courses that required me to work right at my level of competence in writing.

 

Knowing math well through geometry was incredibly valuable when I taught my younger son elementary math--it helps to see where all that arithmetic is going.  And if you can get through Algebra 2 or even precalculus, that will help you see where all that algebra and geometry are going.

 

Learning to read music wasn't in itself important for homeschooling, but attempting to learn a new symbol system was very eye opening.  I never got very good at it (I think because I'm mildly dyslexic), and it reminded me how difficult learning new things can be and how frustrating it can be when you're "bad" at something.

 

Writing papers for graduate school showed me just how difficult it is to produce a good piece of writing, how long it takes, and so forth, particularly when you're writing about something that is new to you.  When dealing with kids' writing programs and prompts, as an adult it always seemed so obvious how to approach them--why couldn't my kid just sit down and write something wonderful?  The reason is that it is hard.  Doing all that academic writing for grad school also forced me to deal with proper formatting and citations, which makes those things much easier for me to teach (and also means that my kids aren't allowed to get away with using EasyBib).  I can also explicitly tell my kids what I use all that grammar I made them learn for--I'm always using my knowledge of grammar to ensure that long, complex sentences are properly structured and punctuated--how it "sounds" doesn't really cut it.  

 

Your list of what helps you may be entirely different.  But I firmly believe that the most important things I did for my homeschool weren't what I did with my children, but what I did in either conscious or unconscious preparation.

[...................]

Well first of all you're at the best forum there is :)

Second of all you care ;)

Third of all you can't really mess up kindergarten! (Ok you can by pushing your kid or staying at a desk all the time)

 

Read aloud a lot

Instill a love of books and the library

Make some friends somewhere

Whatever you pick try to stick with it for one semester :) it takes a while for things to sink in and to get a routine for phonics and handwriting etc.

Listen to fun kids music. LibrRy has many kinds

Snuggle

Dance

Teach respect and listenening

Teach your child to communicate his thoughts and feelings both with you and other kids

Get outside a LOT!

Find an outlet you both enjoy- YMCA, homeschool support group etc

Play in the dirt if you have pesticide free dirt

Do lots of motor stuff like swinging and sliding

Do fine motor stuff like painting and lacing

 

Have fun with it all

 

Year by year it'll be fine

[fralala]

Academically, I think you should not doubt yourself. Your son sounds like an amazing and enthusiastic learner, and you are clearly a loving mom.

 

But I think you deserve to be happier! Where do your self-doubt and fears come from? No matter how supportive your husband (about homeschooling), I think it might be worth it to have someone else to talk to about these things...have you ever tried to pinpoint where your self-esteem issues might come from?

 

I apologize if I'm over-stepping here, but I think it's awesome that you are self-aware enough to recognize that things are not as they should be, and that you're motivated to change things... if this is a pattern of emotions you've suffered, though (not just a lack of homeschool support), I think it might take more than the kind and encouraging words of strangers on the Internet. (But I would be pleased to be wrong, because you got some excellent advice above.)

[stutterfish]

What works for me when I'm anxious about whether I'm doing enough - or doing it right - is to step back and decide what I really want from home schooling...

 

What does education mean to me? Do I want the same education for my children as I had?

Why am I homeschooling? What do I want to achieve for my kids from homeschooling? (I don't just mean this month, or this year, but what sort of adults do I want my children to grow into?)

What are *my* values that I want to pass on to my children?

Do I believe academic excellence is the main goal in life? Or are there other things I want my kids to appreciate or achieve?  

Is art/music/sports/technology/(whatever) important to me? What are the things that bring me pleasure that I can share with my children?

 

I find that once I take a step back and decide where I'm heading on my long journey, what my end-point is, then the scenery becomes a lot more enjoyable and I'm more relaxed about taking time to explore the rabbit trails. There is something quite grounding about knowing that whatever I achieve (or don't) on a daily or weekly basis is such a tiny part of the whole life-long journey.

 

I have a couple of quotes about education/parenting that I find a comforting guide. I printed them out and stuck them up on the wall to give me reassurance when I'm having a bad day :) Maybe you would find it useful to do the same?

[BlsdMama]

It sounds like he's made a LOT of progress when you write everything down.   You're doing a great job!

 

If you look at homeschooling as your FULL TIME job, start treating what you do as a professional job and periodically give yourself an evaluation.   What curriculum worked well?   What did your DS enjoy?   What didn't work?   Make a list of what worked well and don't fix what's not broken.   Make a list of what didn't work well and try to understand why, then start researching options for next year.   Narrow down your options to about 3 or 4 different programs, then try to look at samples or ask questions or for curriculum reviews here.   Then make a choice for what you think will be the best fit, and stick with that program for the entire next year.    You'll be tempted to jump to different curricula many different times, but you'll have a much harder time evaluating what's working if you've jumped between 3 or 4 different curricula in a single year, not to mention the expense.   Keep a list of curricula that sound interesting, but don't switch until you finish what you already own.

 

This is my 10th year homeschooling, and I now have one child in high school and one child in middle school.   I can tell you from experience that you will NEVER pick a perfect curriculum for every subject, every year.   You may start with one program, then need to switch several years down the road.   What works for one child will NOT work for every child.   

 

It's also totally fine for your DS to move very quickly through one subject area and slower through others.   If he wants more math, let him move faster, as long as he's asking for more.   If he needs to slow down with phonics, let him slow down.   Reading will come in huge spurts, then plateau, and it's totally normal.    If you suspect that he may have a learning disability, keep some notes and ask questions here, but most kids will transition from "learn to read" to "read to learn" somewhere around 3rd grade.   

 

As for your own choices, there's virtually no way you can do what you've done for kindergarten and mess up your child.   You just wrote 6 paragraphs detailing progress!   It's so easy to second guess your choices when you compare yourself to other homeschooling families, but if your DS is making progress and is learning, you've made the RIGHT choices for your family.   The idea that "homeschooling kids will know everything his peers know plus more" is somewhat of a myth.    If you focus on helping your DS grow and reach his own God-given potential, not comparing him to peers, you'll be a total success.

 

 

 

This was a wonderful post.  Thank you for writing it.  :)

 

And for the record, she's right. 

[EndOfOrdinary]

I am this way in middle school. Somehow it all matters now and I am getting weird :)

 

I made a list of what I thought my son should be able to do. Then I paced it out over the ten months of the year. That made it feel more manageable. Going to the library and getting every homeschool methodology book I could find also smoothed this out. I found a style that I thought fit us (Charolette Mason, Classical, unschooling, Waldorf, whatever). Each style usually has some guidelines to help. These sorts of parameters made me feel much better. I had benchmarks and when we met them, I could feel success.

 

The first year is always hard. K or 10th or 3rd or whatever, it is always very difficult and everyone is sure they are failing. There is no script. You stumble your way to it. By year two, you have a bit more gained. By year three, you are going along.

[Elizabeth86]

Academically, I think you should not doubt yourself. Your son sounds like an amazing and enthusiastic learner, and you are clearly a loving mom.

 

But I think you deserve to be happier! Where do your self-doubt and fears come from? No matter how supportive your husband (about homeschooling), I think it might be worth it to have someone else to talk to about these things...have you ever tried to pinpoint where your self-esteem issues might come from?

 

I apologize if I'm over-stepping here, but I think it's awesome that you are self-aware enough to recognize that things are not as they should be, and that you're motivated to change things... if this is a pattern of emotions you've suffered, though (not just a lack of homeschool support), I think it might take more than the kind and encouraging words of strangers on the Internet. (But I would be pleased to be wrong, because you got some excellent advice above.)

 

You are not at all over-stepping.  Thanks for asking.  Yes, this is in fact a pattern of emotions for me.  I HATE any changes that come my way, even good ones.  Like having my first baby, the newness of it was really stressful even though I desperately wanted a baby.  Same for each addition to the family.  I even hated each new year at school, starting college, a new job.    I really have a hard time adjusting to anything.  I do have super low self-esteem in all areas.  I'm not sure why.  I have a perfectionist streak.  I'm the type where nothing can be good enough for me no matter how hard I want it to be.  Where this comes from I'm not exactly sure.  My parents never ever ever ever put ANY pressure on me at all.  Maybe this Is why because they didn't hold me to high standards and I had to do that myself.  I was their 3rd kid at the age of 36 and 40.  Their first 2 came at 17 and 21 and 19 and 24, so they were super relaxed about it all.  I was that special little angel that did no wrong and everything I did was wonderful.  I don't know if their overly praising everything I did made me weird or what.  I was perfect in school.  I made great grades in the early years even though I HATED going to school.  All my teachers thought I was super well behaved  Around 6th or 7th grade I started liking school and kept on making good grades.  Nothing ever really was a challenging, but I did enjoy the classroom setting.  I didn't care for challenging, I just wanted A's.  I made great grades in college.  I don't really have any doubt I can teach my son because I did great in all sciences, LOVED anatomy and great in calculus and all those higher maths.  I made a perfect score on my geometry SOL in 10th grade.  Also, my parents are worriers too.  I guess I just get it from them.  I worry about all sorts of things I can't even control.  I guess I just fear that on day when he is in school if he has a hard time adjusting to the work he'll blame me.  I don't want to be responsible for making things harder for him than it would need to be.  Did this give you a clearer picture of me and my self-doubt.  I remember studying for tests for college and I'd study study study and I would be worried sick thinking I knew nothing and I make an A everytime.  It's just like worry is something that has to happen before I try anything.  Just a natural step for me.  Worry, then it turns out ok.  I think if I don't worry, it means I don't really care about it in the first place. 

 

 

Thank you all for your support.  I really need it right now.  DH doesn't get it.  He's 100% opposite of my personality.  He's so confident and self-assured about everything.  He doesn't worry about anything he can't control.  Everything just rolls off his back.  So, in this area he just doesn't get me at all. 

 

Also, I'm such a rule follower.  If there was this 1 magic curriculum that got the job done, I'd be doing great.  I can do anything with a plan, but the options I have make me nervous.  If I had no options, I wouldn't mind.    I know this is the beauty of homeschooling to many, but not to me.  It's the stressful part. 

 

[Elizabeth86]

What works for me when I'm anxious about whether I'm doing enough - or doing it right - is to step back and decide what I really want from home schooling...

 

What does education mean to me? Do I want the same education for my children as I had?

Why am I homeschooling? What do I want to achieve for my kids from homeschooling? (I don't just mean this month, or this year, but what sort of adults do I want my children to grow into?)

What are *my* values that I want to pass on to my children?

Do I believe academic excellence is the main goal in life? Or are there other things I want my kids to appreciate or achieve?  

Is art/music/sports/technology/(whatever) important to me? What are the things that bring me pleasure that I can share with my children?

 

I find that once I take a step back and decide where I'm heading on my long journey, what my end-point is, then the scenery becomes a lot more enjoyable and I'm more relaxed about taking time to explore the rabbit trails. There is something quite grounding about knowing that whatever I achieve (or don't) on a daily or weekly basis is such a tiny part of the whole life-long journey.

 

I have a couple of quotes about education/parenting that I find a comforting guide. I printed them out and stuck them up on the wall to give me reassurance when I'm having a bad day :) Maybe you would find it useful to do the same?

 

This is good.  I guess academic excellence matters to me as it was the most important thing to me growing up, I was a great student, but very lacking in everything else.  I wasn't good at sports or arts.  I guess none of that mattered too much because I didn't need a degree to be a housewife and mother.  This is what ultimately is important to me.  For my kids, I no pressure for them to be anything except what they want, but if a doctor degree of something they desire, I just hope I haven't held them back.

 

[Elizabeth86]

I think you should print out the progress report you've just written and look at it every time your start doubting yourself.

 

I'm also in the camp of "if it's working, don't fix it." I taught my oldest through straight phonics - in English and Spanish. She's currently in 11th grade and is doing well. I've also tutored for many years using that approach to great success. My current kindergartner though, would run every time she heard it was time to read. That wasn't working. I heard about the Reading Lesson and downloaded the first two lessons free. It got used - willingly, and daily. So, I bought the book last month. It's the best $15 I've spent this year. It works, and it gets done. Despite using a different approach for years, I have no regrets using that book. The child is reading, and excited about it! That was the point.

 

You use what works for your child. I like to look at curriculum as resources.  After years of homeschooling, I've finally come back around to that thought. You can use what you have in the way that works for family. And feel GOOD about it! :D

 

Full disclosure: I work in the public school system (early childhood). For a while this year, I thought my daughter would do better (academically) if she were in school. But, I homeschool for a different reason. I don't agree with the way they teach reading, I don't agree with the long days, and I don't agree with the constant testing (phrased as "progress monitoring"). She would totally rebel and be miserable. (And I'd be the teacher with "that child" :lol: ).  I see the graphs and charts they show of student achievement in grades K-6, and I don't want my child in the system. I can create my own system. Just like you can. If it doesn't matter what the ps is doing, it doesn't matter what a particular homeschool family is using, even if it's your best friend. You are teaching YOURS.

 

And on that note: science. What is he interested in? You can teach that. Get books and videos, and read and watch. Science is simple in the early grades.

 

That was my long-winded way of saying: Be Encouraged. You're doing fine. :D

 

As far as what science, he seems to enjoy anything science related, but in particular he is super fixed on astronomy right now.  He is quite curious about anatomy too.  He and my 3 year old were space explorer earlier and It sounded so scientific. 

 

[Renai]

Oooh, my dd, Gymnast, (K) is really wanting astronomy right now too! I haven't pulled things quite together yet, but I have leftover stuff from when oldest was young. It's time to hit the library, for sure! I have some free ebook things I can share so you look through too. I haven't looked at all of it yet, just downloaded it to see what parts would fit for Gymnast.

 

She became interested in the human body when we read the Flip Flap Body Book. Maybe he'd like that book? We spent a while on the digestion system - I got books about different systems from the library, watched the Magic School Bus episodes about the body, and picked up a couple of activities from pinterest. That was a fun unit that lasted a while. Like you, I did doubt myself, though. Sometimes I wondered, "did I do enough?" We didn't do it every day, but she enjoyed what we did, and retained it, so I'll consider it good. :D

[Clemsondana]

One thing that helped me to feel like I was 'covering all of my bases' in the early years was to have something outlining topics to cover each year for science and history. I wound up with Hirsch's 'What your X grader needs to know' series, but many curricula have something where you can see what is covered each year - you could even use the topics outlined in your state's scope and sequence. What I've liked about this approach is that I can work with the topics in any way that we want, for however long we want, but I don't have the worry that my kids will get to high school and I've somehow forgotten to teach them the planets. Even if you choose to work with the subjects in a different order or in different grades, at least you have the list to remind yourself what you have an haven't done. And, with reading, math, and handwriting (the only things that we did with a specific curriculum in K/1), if you're making progress, then you've chosen something that works for your family.

[ElizabethB]

Ellie might say that Spalding was the Magic Bullet for reading and spelling. :)

 

I am partical to Webster's Speller, it has been very powerful for my remedial students and worked well with both my children. It teaches phonics to a 12th grade level. I like Phonics Pathways for basic phonics, or for someone that has a good grounding in basic phonics, a quick review with Blend Phonics then Webster's Speller.

 

http://www.thephonicspage.org/On%20Reading/WellTaughtPhonicsStudent.html

 

As ling as you are not teaching hundreds of sight words, you will get far better results than most schools!!

Edited February 16, 2017 by ElizabethB

[fralala]

Thanks for sharing more (not gonna quote you because it's going to get super long!)-- but I will say that although there are no guarantees in life, the (now adult) kids in my extended family who were homeschooled have close relationships with their parents. Even if your son isn't always happy with the choices you made for him-- will any kid ever be?-- chances are that the relationship you are building with him will give him perspective on why you made those choices.

 

As a fellow perfectionist, I also find it helpful to "use up" my perfectionism on myself-- practicing my instrument and foreign languages or working out-- so that I don't make my kids feel like nothing is ever good enough. This is my personal fear. We can't ever teach them everything, sometimes we'll encounter kids who go to school who know things they don't, and that really has nothing to do with how successful they'll be, or how happy, or especially how much we love them!