S/o adding to your family--NFP until menopause?

[AnnE-girl]

As I said in the other thread about knowing when your family is complete, I just don't know. As of right now, we aren't planning on more, but will joyfully (at least after shock has worn off) accept it if we have another surprise. We practice NFP for mostly for religious reasons. The short time I was on the pill when we were first married was awful. I'm lucky DH stuck around until I realized that it was the hormones making me crazy. Baby number three was the result of lazy charting and an irregular cycle due to diet change. We're being more cautious now. Even if we decide to actively try for another, my body needs more time to recover and I don't really want two under two.

 

I'm wondering if anyone has successfully used NFP for a decade or so between last baby and the end of fertility. I'm not comfortable with artificial means for a variety of reasons, but it seems like a long time to be in a sort of limbo.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Well, NFP worked well for us for almost seven years. :)   Then came baby dd at age 42.  

 

Got an IUD a couple years after she was born (at age 45), and I'm oh so glad I did.  I got the Paraguard, so no hormones to deal with, and it lasts 10 years.  That was 8 years ago.  I'll likely be through menopause before its effectiveness wears off.

 

ETA: Reading the responses below, about trying to chart during perimenopause, reminded me about the other reason I'm glad I'm not charting anymore.  My cycles are anywhere from 3 to 5 months long these days.  I have had times when I had ovulation symptoms (clear, lub. mucus) for WEEKS at a time.  We're talking all mucus, all the time.  gobs of it.  I've had other cycles where I spotted for weeks.  It would have been impossible to accurately chart during the last year and a half.  

Edited October 4, 2016 by Suzanne in ABQ

[myfunnybunch]

It would scare the bejeebers out of me.

 

Women in my family tend to go through menopause late. I am nearly 50 and no end in sight. I can't imagine risking having a baby in my 50's. It would not work well for our family.

 

I know that doesn't really answer your question, since I haven't practiced NFP at this stage, just sharing why we chose another route.

[Hilltopmom]

We still do NFP & have been done with biological kids for a long time (over a decade).

 

Our youngest ones are adopted from foster care.

 

However, we are no longer super careful about NFP & I'm 42. I'd be suprised if I got pregnant, although it's certainly possible.

 

I'm hoping menopause comes sooner rather than later!

[carriede]

I have no long term experience, but I just want to say I understand. I agree with NFP theologically, but practically DH and I are having a hard time. We have 4 kids (only 1 planned) and we're only in our early 30s... Good problem to have I guess.

[teachermom2834]

I have been a dedicated follower of NFP for almost 20 years. 4 kids. No surprises. I agree with it theologically and cannot imagine making a change now. Youngest kid is 9 and I am 42. I am scared. Wondering where to go from here.

[maize]

I'm listening in on this thread. We've mostly done NFP in the past, and it's worked just fine--but we were never doing more than trying to space our kids a bit. I'm starting to think about what to do when we're done (soon!) and NFP doesn't feel sufficient.

 

I don't have theological qualms with using other forms of birth control, I'm mostly just leary of potential side effects and complications.

[BlsdMama]

As I said in the other thread about knowing when your family is complete, I just don't know. As of right now, we aren't planning on more, but will joyfully (at least after shock has worn off) accept it if we have another surprise. We practice NFP for mostly for religious reasons. The short time I was on the pill when we were first married was awful. I'm lucky DH stuck around until I realized that it was the hormones making me crazy. Baby number three was the result of lazy charting and an irregular cycle due to diet change. We're being more cautious now. Even if we decide to actively try for another, my body needs more time to recover and I don't really want two under two.

 

I'm wondering if anyone has successfully used NFP for a decade or so between last baby and the end of fertility. I'm not comfortable with artificial means for a variety of reasons, but it seems like a long time to be in a sort of limbo.

 

 

So we've used NFP sporadically and I'm almost forty.  The most challenging part, and not at ALL to discourage you, is that I am starting to ovulate less predictably.  Now I know for a fact (Baby Cate, age 3) that sperm can live inside the body for at least five days ;) and it is really a challenge to have an active life and it looks like:

Day 1-6 Menstruation

Day7 - safe

Day 8 -safe

Day 9 -safe-ish

Nothing for days 10-15/16 dependent on 24 hours after suspected ovulation.

 

Then good for days 17-28.  

 

Frankly having 2-3 safe days and hoping no early ovulation was a challenge.  The baby we conceived in December, like Cate, should have also been a "safe" time.  So two slip-ups isn't so bad really... Unless you do the math of how few cycles I've ever had due to pregnancy and ovulation, lol.  But, like you said, you are SO MUCH more open to life within marriage, kwim?  And I think that's a huge blessing.

 

For us, it became more of a safety issue.  After a dangerous loss in December where my body was in denial about the loss, we repeated the scenario (without the drama and just had a D&C three weeks later when it became obvious my body really wanted to keep this one too) in June.  My DH was really shaken with the medical stuff in December and then fearing the same scenario in June, he scheduled his vas for when he was getting a kidney stone removed and there was no shaking him from that position.  It's bittersweet.

 

In my perfect world we would have used NFP until it was no longer necessary and I think, from a marital strengthening perspective too, that it is a gift to a marriage, albeit a very challenging one.

 

(Oh! And I need to add that only Cate was really a surprise.  The baby in December was a "hm, oh well."  ;)  We were not fantastic NFP'ers but I strongly believe in the cause for the $0.02 that's worth.)

Edited October 3, 2016 by BlsdMama

[mamakelly]

Why not have hubby get a vasectomy? It's so nice to not have to worry about birth control.

[maize]

Why not have hubby get a vasectomy? It's so nice to not have to worry about birth control.

Its a possibility for us, probably not for those who are NFP only for theological reasons?

[StephanieZ]

I think that irregular cycles are the norm/expected for some time (years?) prior to menopause. I have always had pretty irregular cycles, so NFP was never good for us. If you wouldn't welcome a pregnancy in your mid 40s, then I'd want something more certain. ESPECIALLY if you would be distraught by a pregnancy loss or if you'd be distraught over the idea of either giving birth to or aborting a baby with abnormalities.

 

Since I personally would have been very distraught over a pregnancy loss and could not choose an abortion (unless the baby was certain to die or the only life expected would be one of immense suffering), I always felt certain that after 40 (ish), when risks rise sharply, I wouldn't want to get pregnant. I'd have been happy to have had one or two more babies in my 30s, but I wouldn't welcome the elevated risks associated with a pregnancy in my 40s. My friends who have had babies in their 40s have had many more pregnancy losses (and abortions of babies due to prenatal diagnosis of profound disabilities) than those who had babies in our 20s and 30s. I have seen how traumatic that is, and I am very thankful I never had to personally face those choices. 

 

Also, dh and I like "Tea" on a frequent/daily basis. Any method that took out half the month (or more) would be off the table for us because of that. I'd guess that NFP methods need to get more and more conservative/careful as your risks rise and your cycles become irregular, meaning, presumably, more and more days will be No Tea days, which is a bummer to me. Marriage is important. To me, it's more important than any arbitrary prohibition on birth control. (There are always barrier methods if chemical methods are a particular concern. I know I was always averse to any method that could lead to a potential loss of an early pregnancy, but a pure barrier method +/- spermicide did not make me uncomfortable.)

 

If you have close friends who are Catholic (or have similar faiths that discourage birth control), I'd ask them about what women do as they approach menopause. (Of course, most of the Catholic women I know use birth control, but presumably the churches at least teach/explain the NFP methods since they espouse them.) Those "late in life babies" probably often result from the unpredictability of cycles as you approach menopause. (I tease dh that my body is spitting out eggs left and right on a super normal cycle, trying its best to get pregnant before they're all totally expired and I hit menopause, lol. No chance of pregnancy with me, as dh had a vasectomy when we/he knew we were done.)

 

So, anyway, I'd look at it from the big picture, consider the consequences/risks of all your options, and figure out what you want to do. 

[FaithManor]

I have friends that have tried. Four women. All had surprises in their mid to late 40's. Perimenopause makes everything wonky, unpredictable, and hard to track. At least that is why they felt it was unsuccessful for them. They were being very vigilant.

 

I though did not try because I would have died if I had become pregant again so we took permanent steps.

 

I have one friend who is just approaching 40. She had massive problems with her fourth and nearly died. Due to religious beliefs has not done anything permanen or artificial. Her youngest is nine. She and her husband are almost entirely celibate since her fertility became very unpredictable after the last pregnancy.

[Guest]

I've used NFP successfully for 11 years, no surprise babies and no issues, even when nursing. That said, when you start hitting perimenopause and menopause it makes tracking your symptoms extremely tricky, even with fastidious temping/charting and other signals observed. I would still use NFP when I hit that stage, myself, but with barrier backup on any days that would even have a question of potential conception, unless I was on board with another baby coming a along.

[happypamama]

I think NFP is very hard with irregular and unpredictable cycles. Mine, especially when nursing (even after a year or more), are irregular and unpredictable with some "false starts." If we abstained every time we had "possible ovulation symptoms," we'd be abstaining often. It can be very hard for me to tell for sure before the fact, although after I ovulate it's super obvious.

[Guest]

This is a huge problem I see with the Catholic Church. Yes, they preach NFP only but there is almost zero practical support. Even on the Marquette forum they have talked about how little info there is about NFP in peri. I think we're supposed to just embrace having that last chance baby.

[LucyStoner]

Most women will experience irregular periods before menopause is complete.

 

We have used NFP successfully but I have had fairly regular cycles. I wouldn't count on it being foolproof for women in perimenopause. We do NFP because I have complications with most other forms of non-permanent birth control, not out of religious conviction. We will take permanent measures when I am into perimenopause.

[AnnE-girl]

Why not have hubby get a vasectomy? It's so nice to not have to worry about birth control.

I'm not comfortable with that for religious reasons. I'd consider barrier methods if we absolutely weren't open to the chance of more, but nothing permanent. I know it's not entirely logical, but that's the most I think I'd be comfortable pushing the religious rules. I'd prefer to always use NFP though. I'm just not sure how realistic it is if we don't want a late stage baby.

Edited October 4, 2016 by AnnE-girl

[teachermom2834]

I posted upthread about being 42 and becoming fearful of pregnancy with NFP. Just felt compelled to add that it feels particularly challenging that this timing coincides with a time in our life when our big kids are launching and our little kids are not needy. Things have eased up in other areas of our life and now is a time of reconnecting and prioritizing marriage in a way we were unable to with a bunch of little kids. But NFP.

[momacacia]

Theology aside, I will say that when Teri Weschler of Taking Charge of Your Fertility fame (FAM method), suggests permanent birth control/vasectomy for perimenopause instead of charting/FAM/NFP, I take that as a wakeup call. ;)

 

ETA: And baby #4, who is fabulous now that he's here, conceived either on day 6 or broken barrier method (we are careful FAMers and I'm fairly regular) at age 42. I just don't trust anything else besides a vas. I think if you're really okay adding to your family again, then NFP is just fine through menopause. I won't tell you the story about the 55yo woman who thought she was done with menopause and conceived twins. I'm sure its wonderful, but....😮

Edited October 4, 2016 by momacacia

[Guest]

Theology aside, I will say that when Teri Weschler of Taking Charge of Your Fertility fame (FAM method), suggests permanent birth control/vasectomy for perimenopause instead of charting/FAM/NFP, I take that as a wakeup call. ;)

 

ETA: And baby #4, who is fabulous now that he's here, conceived either on day 6 or broken barrier method (we are careful FAMers and I'm fairly regular) at age 42. I just don't trust anything else besides a vas. I think if you're really okay adding to your family again, then NFP is just fine through menopause. I won't tell you the story about the 55yo woman who thought she was done with menopause and conceived twins. I'm sure its wonderful, but....😮

I've heard that those late life babies are such a sweet gift to parent, given the perspective and patience gained by that stage of life and having gone through so many prior babies. I do appreciate my infants more and more the older I get, because it is SO brief.

 

That said, I DEFINITELY agree that unless someone is open to that, multiple forms of birth control or one permanent one is probably a much better choice. I've seen it happen so many times that if someone is D.O.N.E., something permanent or close to it (like a copper IUD plus a barrier) is really going to be the wisest choice. Sweet late life babies are not for everyone, even families who have perfect health and finances for it :lol:

[ktgrok]

and not to terrify anyone, but I have not one, but two friends who got pregnant with IUDs. One of them with twins. 

[Guest]

and not to terrify anyone, but I have not one, but two friends who got pregnant with IUDs. One of them with twins.

Yup. Unless someone is open to more kiddos, the double birth control option is really the wisest. And NFP doesn't really count unless your cycles are like clockwork which few women are at that point in life. I love NFP and it's worked beautifully for me, but even I don't expect it to work well once my cycle starts getting hormonally strange.

[PrairieSong]

We have used only NFP, pregnancy, and breastfeeding to space our babies. We have seven. After our youngest, I had a massive blood clot. I was 38. The hospital staff was adamant that I could not use hormonal birth control, which I had never used anyway. We used NFP to avoid another pregnancy. My cycles got further and further apart and ended when I was 49. Now I'm 55 and youngest ds is almost 17. It turns out that I have a genetic clotting disorder which was only discovered about three years ago, after my cycles had stopped.

[carriede]

My ILs did successfully (and now regret that it worked!).

Did you know you can call an expert at the couple to couple league (or your local teacher) anytime you have a weird cycle and they will help you interpret it? Just make sure you keep a detailed chart, they can't interpret what's not there. :). I've done that half a dozen times, they've always been super nice and helpful.

While that is a nice service, they can only interpret it after the fact. Sometimes you don't realize you're having a weird cycle until you get past the point that it matters.

[mommyoffive]

and not to terrify anyone, but I have not one, but two friends who got pregnant with IUDs. One of them with twins. 

 

Wow

[MercyA]

My two cents as a non-Catholic, pro-life Christian: I won't use any birth control that has any potential of preventing implantation. That includes all forms of hormonal birth control and all types of IUD's. I see no Scriptural prohibition on the use of other birth control methods.

 

Condoms plus spermicide are 99% effective and I don't have any moral qualms about them. I have used NFP and I personally think it is more beneficial to the marriage relationship to use other methods (YMMV, of course).

 

Blessings to you, AnnE-girl.