larger family and mom with sensory issues

[caedmyn]

I'm looking for any tips on how to survive a houseful of children when I have sensory issues.  My kids are 3, 5, 7, and 10 with a surprise baby due in September.  I have what I suppose are sensory issues due to thyroid/adrenal problems (which are being treated, but the sensory issues persist).  I have a hard time focusing on more than one thing at a time (ie making dinner and keeping an eye on kids at the same time, helping one child with schoolwork and keeping an eye on the others, etc) and I get easily overwhelmed by noise, movement, and having to constantly be "on" to pay attention to what my children are doing.  My boys are...high maintenance for lack of a better word...they need close supervision.  They are also very loud and very active, and very naughty if they're not closely supervised.  I already feel overwhelmed on a daily basis, and I have no idea how I'm going to manage a baby on top of all this, not to mention that sleep deprivation makes the sensory issues much worse.

[Zoo Keeper]

You and I must be twins...

 

I cannot filter out noises; there is no such thing as background noise *for me*, it is all noise that demands my attention.  Makes a houseful of kids very, very, stressful at times. :willy_nilly:   Some of mine have ADHD issues and just blurt out anything and everything, all the time.  A couple of mine are also very physically impulsive.  Such fun.  :001_tt2:

 

After lunch, I send my kids away from me for a set period of time.  Out of the room.  Out of my sight and hearing. AWAY from me. I am not available at all (obviously, this does not apply for the baby). I tell them, "Unless there is fire or blood, leave me alone."  I have been involved all morning, and I *NEED* a break.  To some, this might sound harsh, but a grumpy, stressed out me is more harsh.  Really.

 

When the boys were smaller, I confined them to their rooms with audio books and quieter toys (that blasted bin of Legos was not an option). 

 

Documentaries on the computer (it's for school!  :coolgleamA: ) have been a lifesaver as well.  Big bowl of popcorn makes it special, even if it does make a mess.

 

 

 

ETA: tried to fix typos--I was typing while the kids were talking...can't focus and think!!!

 

Edited April 29, 2016 by Zoo Keeper

[BarbecueMom]

I have the same problem. I get nauseous from repetitive or competing noises or motions. I had two molars pulled because I literally gritted them out of my head because of the constant sound. Even if we have a quiet time, there is a "hum" that every person in the house emits that no one else can hear except me. Even silent sleeping people are "noisy", IMO. DH has been working from home for months (and not able to help with much due to an injury/surgery, so no leaving the kids with him and going elsewhere) and the house is always full and I feel like that hopeless person reaching out from the horde of hungry zombies.

 

I can handle any two of my kids at the same time. I cannot handle one or three, for some reason. Getting one kid at a time to go away and do something alone helps. I also quit making dinner, because I'm 900% done by then. Lunch is the main meal, leftovers or whatever you can find is for dinner. And I quit eating with the kids at the table and stand at the counter. I just can't handle it.

 

I also gave up on the idea of cuddly school stuff. I don't let them touch me during read alouds, because just being leaned on will make up jump up and yell like I was bitten by something. Same thing happens to DH if he tries to hug me while I'm cooking, it makes the hair on my neck stand up. Hugs are great... but not combined with something that I'm trying to do.

 

It's hard, way harder than I expected. And there's very little info out there on how to manage it.

[T'smom]

I've got sensory issues too, though probably not as bad as yours. I have been known to wear earplugs. You can still hear the kids, but it's not as jarring. I also have hyperactive kids and trampolines have been life-savers. We have a 7 ft one in the basement. 30-60 minutes of jumping helps them not be bouncing off the walls later. Quiet time- everyone in a different area with a book or audiobook.

[Guest]

You and I must be twins...

 

I cannot filter out noises; there is no such thing as background noise *for me*, it is all noise that demands my attention. Makes a houseful of kids very, very, stressful at times. :willy_nilly: Some of mine have ADHD issues and just blurt out anything and everything, all the time. A couple of mine are also very physically impulsive. Such fun. :001_tt2:

 

After lunch, I send my kids away from me for a set period of time. Out of the room. Out of my sight and hearing. AWAY from me. I am not available at all(obviously, this does at apply for the baby). I tell them, "Unless there is fire or blood, leave me alone." I have been involved all morning, and I *NEED* a break. To some, this might sound harsh, but a grumpy, stressed out me is harsher. Really.

 

When the boys were smaller, I confined them to their rooms with audio books and quieter toys (that blasted bin of Legos was not an option).

 

Documentaries on the computer (it's for school! :coolgleamA: ) have been a lifesaver as well. Big bowl of popcorn makes it special, even if it does make a mess.

We do almost the same thing. My adrenals definitely make my tolerance for this worse, but I take a quiet time in he middle of the day and am off duty by 7 pm (hubby puts everyone to bed, that's his time of the day).

 

The kids play outside even in winter, we use screens once daily for the big kids and with some additional movies for the littles during certain times of our school day (leap frog, octonauts, blues clues, etc).

 

I also try to keep things quiet, sometimes I put on headphones with my own music while doing chores to tune out the kid noises, or stay in my room for a nap during quiet time instead of relaxing with media. You just have to do what it takes and some days are better than others.

[Murphy101]

I have no idea if it's a sensory thing or not. It's just life for me. Nothing you describe sounds abnormal on the surface. It sounds like typical hormonal mom angst to me.

 

I find I have to rotate what we are doing. Something high energy then something calm and quiet. So I might take them outside to play and then we come in and it's quiet time while I make dinner.

 

And I have to have time carved out for me to regroup. It's not perfect, but some time to enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning and or mid afternoon to regroup. A set bedtime and routine so that at the end of the day I have some peace with just me and dh (and when there was a baby, baby too).

[Aura]

Sounds like normal life to me, too. And it can be h3ll. But, like you, it's my life and my kids, and I'm not trading it for something else! So this is what I've found over the years that works for me (six kids, btw). 

• Sending them to their rooms to play or read.
• Using television/devices as babysitters. I have no guilt at. all. telling them to play games on their Kindles or watch a show so I can have some down time. Sending them to their rooms to read or play is something I do daily, but it's not as captivating as screens, so if I'm desperate (which happens A LOT) I tell them to go to their rooms, and I allow them to take their Kindles with them.
• Wireless bluetooth earbuds so I can tune them out (somewhat, LOL).
• Sending them o.u.t.s.i.d.e.
• Long, hot baths at the end of the day while letting dh take care of things.
• Occasional times out for just me. I go to an event twice monthly that I do not take anyone (no kids, no dh) with me. It is very helpful in allowing me to recharge.

I stopped feeling guilty for doing things for myself. It is necessary for my health to have times alone and times to recharge. It is necessary for my family for me to focus on me.

 

HTH

[maize]

Earplugs.

[gardenmom5]

For noise - earplugs.

DH can make a lot of noise. It made me feel like he was angry. Nope, just noisy, but it stressed me. My tension level dropped with earplugs.

[TammyS]

OMG!  I thought it was just me! 

 

I always feel like the Grinch, "The noise! The noise, noise, noise, noise!"

 

And my kids really aren't all that loud, compared to some.  But they just make noise constantly.  Even the 17yo when he works on calc, which you would think is concentration intensive and therefore quiet, has to tap on things or something coooooonstantly.  Why can't they just be quiet sometimes?  Right now the 5yo year old is rocking the leather chair every so slightly so that it makes a rubbing noise and it's driving me nuts.  It's not that loud, but it just abrades my conscienceness.  It's purposeless noise.

 

I feel like I'm never, ever allowed to think in peace.

 

The only way that I survive is mandatory 2 hour quiet time in the afternoon.  I don't care how old you are, for  hours everyday, you need to be outside or in your room.  I don't want to see, hear, or smell you.

[LucyStoner]

Quiet time.

 

Mom isn't a jungle gym.

 

Good self care for mom.

 

That's what gets me through the sensory challenges that impact my parenting.

[BarbecueMom]

How does one deal with non-kid noises? Like, I walk in circles in the kitchen working up the strength to run the blender or coffee grinder. I cringe when the furnace kicks on or when I have to turn the vent fan on in the bathroom or kitchen (and we have one of those practically silent bathroom fans, still bugs me). My son had a baseball game tonight, and the game sounds plus my kids plus everyone talking around me had my stomach in knots.

 

I see a lot of advice to have a quiet time, but can't anyone else "hear" quiet people? Like a buzzing or hum that you aren't even aware of until it stops? How do you shut that off?

 

(Sorry for the slight hijack, I've been wanting to start a thread on parenting with sensory issues for a while. Maybe I should have spun this off.)

[maize]

Mom isn't a jungle gym.

 

.

I have been trying to teach this to my younger two boys for years. Somehow, it seems to be entirely beyond their capacity to grasp. Edited April 30, 2016 by maize

[maize]

How does one deal with non-kid noises? Like, I walk in circles in the kitchen working up the strength to run the blender or coffee grinder. I cringe when the furnace kicks on or when I have to turn the vent fan on in the bathroom or kitchen (and we have one of those practically silent bathroom fans, still bugs me). My son had a baseball game tonight, and the game sounds plus my kids plus everyone talking around me had my stomach in knots.

 

I see a lot of advice to have a quiet time, but can't anyone else "hear" quiet people? Like a buzzing or hum that you aren't even aware of until it stops? How do you shut that off?

 

(Sorry for the slight hijack, I've been wanting to start a thread on parenting with sensory issues for a while. Maybe I should have spun this off.)

I keep earplugs in my kitchen cupboards.

[BarbecueMom]

I keep earplugs in my kitchen cupboards.

I can try, but it's not so much the volume of the noise as much as the noise existing at all. Even quiet noises bother me, maybe even more, especially if they have a pattern to them.

[LucyStoner]

I have been trying to teach this to my younger two boys for years. Somehow, it's seems to be entirely beyond their capacity to grasp.

I hear ya.

[scbusf]

Add me to the list. I have 3 kids, but the noise. I can hear people swallowing, I can hear the a/c hum, I can hear everything.

[Meadowlark]

Oh, I hear you. I was just talking to a group of moms about this today. The older I get, the less tolerance for noise I have. And my crew is loud. It's not just loud, happy noise either. It's whining, tattling, bickering...24 hours a day/7 days a week. 

 

I definitely do afternoon quiet time 100% of the time. That's a given. 

 

But I do need to figure out how to arrange our day so that different kids are in different rooms during school. I can NOT teach something intense with 3 little ones running around in circles around me. And yet I struggle with just telling them to "go play" or rather yelling at them to. It's really hard. If anyone has a schedule or tips for how to rotate small kids, I'm all ears. Until then, I may look into the earplug thing to filter some of the noise out.

[Guest]

Ear plugs....seriously. You can still see what is going on but the noise will not bother you as mych. Dh has to do this all the time. I can just take my hearing aids out....

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited April 30, 2016 by Paradox5

[IfIOnly]

How does one deal with non-kid noises? Like, I walk in circles in the kitchen working up the strength to run the blender or coffee grinder. I cringe when the furnace kicks on or when I have to turn the vent fan on in the bathroom or kitchen (and we have one of those practically silent bathroom fans, still bugs me). My son had a baseball game tonight, and the game sounds plus my kids plus everyone talking around me had my stomach in knots.

 

I see a lot of advice to have a quiet time, but can't anyone else "hear" quiet people? Like a buzzing or hum that you aren't even aware of until it stops? How do you shut that off?

 

(Sorry for the slight hijack, I've been wanting to start a thread on parenting with sensory issues for a while. Maybe I should have spun this off.)

I have an airpurifier in my bedroom and loove it's white noise. It drowns out most everything on high. Sometimes just going in for a ten minute break refreshes me.

 

It's nice to have some other white noise going on in the living rooms too (kitchen can on low, soothing nature music type stuff) on those days where I didn't get near enough sleep or what have you. Even though there's noise all around, I can focus or keep coming back to that calming sound throughout the day.

 

Thankfully, I'm extroverted enough that with health issues that make things tough, I'm usually okay with all the life and crazy of our big family.

[IfIOnly]

Oh, I hear you. I was just talking to a group of moms about this today. The older I get, the less tolerance for noise I have. And my crew is loud. It's not just loud, happy noise either. It's whining, tattling, bickering...24 hours a day/7 days a week.

 

I definitely do afternoon quiet time 100% of the time. That's a given.

 

But I do need to figure out how to arrange our day so that different kids are in different rooms during school. I can NOT teach something intense with 3 little ones running around in circles around me. And yet I struggle with just telling them to "go play" or rather yelling at them to. It's really hard. If anyone has a schedule or tips for how to rotate small kids, I'm all ears. Until then, I may look into the earplug thing to filter some of the noise out.

I schooled the olders during naps (especially the tougher subjects) when I had that many little ones.

 

A big kid can enjoy and supervise an actIvity (an educational show, playing outside, reading to them which would be their reading practice for the day ) with the littles, so I can have one on one time with someone.

 

You could try rotating independent activities for the younger ones too. Coloring, playdough, trains, duplos. Just make sure to keep things fresh by rotating activities throughout the day and by not doing the same things everyday. Monday is playdough and Curious George, Tues day is very simple dot to dots, mazes, or just coloring books for the youngers and Leap Frog, Wednesday is Fisher Price musical instruments/dancing and tunes in their room with a baby gate and Dora Dvd day, etc. You could maybe get 45 minutes to an hour of independent time for them. Aim for 2, 30 min. activities each day maybe. Or bring out some toys after that they might be intersted in. So maybe, 1. Fun activity, 2. Show, 3. Rotate and plop trains, duplos, etc. on the living room floor and see if they'll take the bait. :P If you can stand it and it's not too distruptive for the students, play some low music they might enjoy during the activity or play time.

 

Just some thoughts.

Edited April 30, 2016 by ifIonlyhadabrain

[Ausmumof3]

Sounds normal to me otherwise I have sensory issues too. It is worse when I'm already stressed then I get grumpy about any noises.

 

Outdoor time is a big life saver here, if you can set up a safe outdoor area where they can play and you can see them without being out there it's amazing.

 

Also I find it's worse for me in the room with no carpet and it's got a lot of hard surfaces. If it's really bad adding some rugs, wall quilts and whatever soft furnishing you can afford and fit in.

 

Less ideal methods that I resort to are shutting myself in the bedroom on my phone or generally avoiding the kids!

 

 

I do think the reason we're like this is because as mums of several kids we do a lot of parenting by ear as we can't physically watch every move. Which means we can't actually tune out the sounds because we need to hear if waters running, or the blender doesn't sound right or a squabble is about to break out. We instinctively hear the precursors to disaster and prevent it so often just by listening.

 

Oh also look for anything loud, that can be turned off or down, TVs, fans etc. also sweep instead of vacuuming to give you a noise break.

 

Try to get a bit of outside time if you can. Meditating can help you to deal with it too. And of course telling the kids to keep it down when they get really out of hand.

[TammyS]

How does one deal with non-kid noises? Like, I walk in circles in the kitchen working up the strength to run the blender or coffee grinder. I cringe when the furnace kicks on or when I have to turn the vent fan on in the bathroom or kitchen (and we have one of those practically silent bathroom fans, still bugs me). My son had a baseball game tonight, and the game sounds plus my kids plus everyone talking around me had my stomach in knots.

 

I see a lot of advice to have a quiet time, but can't anyone else "hear" quiet people? Like a buzzing or hum that you aren't even aware of until it stops? How do you shut that off?

 

(Sorry for the slight hijack, I've been wanting to start a thread on parenting with sensory issues for a while. Maybe I should have spun this off.)

 

Earplugs.  Seriously.  It does not make you deaf to the sounds, but it takes the volume and "immediacy" way down.

[TammyS]

I have been trying to teach this to my younger two boys for years. Somehow, it seems to be entirely beyond their capacity to grasp.

 

I just got to the point that I shove people off of me rather roughly if they don't get off quickly upon the first request.

[TammyS]

Oh, I hear you. I was just talking to a group of moms about this today. The older I get, the less tolerance for noise I have. And my crew is loud. It's not just loud, happy noise either. It's whining, tattling, bickering...24 hours a day/7 days a week. 

 

I definitely do afternoon quiet time 100% of the time. That's a given. 

 

But I do need to figure out how to arrange our day so that different kids are in different rooms during school. I can NOT teach something intense with 3 little ones running around in circles around me. And yet I struggle with just telling them to "go play" or rather yelling at them to. It's really hard. If anyone has a schedule or tips for how to rotate small kids, I'm all ears. Until then, I may look into the earplug thing to filter some of the noise out.

 

Do you have a play area you can assign the littles to while you work with an older child in another room? 

[Murphy101]

I just got to the point that I shove people off of me rather roughly if they don't get off quickly upon the first request.

Yep. I have never ever been a jungle gym. I had really awful hypermesis with nearly all of them, and most of them were 15 months to 22 months apart. So they caught on even when they were itty bitty that they have to not be rough on mom or she'd be very angry and very puking and all fun would come to a swift end. And then I was usually holding a newborn and you can't be doing that on a newborn, so they had to learn to be gentle around babies too.

[Mimm]

I'm noise sensitive. My kids are not allowed to yell inside, raise their voices while I'm driving, or just make pointless noise like banging toys and so on. I try to allow it a little, especially when they were younger, like setting out pots and pans and giving wooden spoons so they can have a drumming session, but once the pots and pans are put away, no more banging. They are allowed to scream and yell and make a racket outside. One of my kids is very loud to this day, and talks at a volume that seems excessive. She'll sit a few feet away from me and almost yell (at least it feels like it to me.) I say in a low quiet voice, barely above a whisper, "Why are you yelling at me?" And she realizes and lowers her voice. She has a very loud, active, energetic nature, and I have a much more quiet, tranquil personality.

 

I just remind a lot, and say something when it's bothering me, and make sure there are times and places where they are allowed to be loud. I teach them to respect alone time and if I need to, I take five or ten minutes in my room to be alone and in the (relative) quiet. A white noise machine, or headphones and an ipod will help with that.

[caedmyn]

This all started, or greatly ramped up, when my health tanked when DS3 was a baby, so I know it is not normal for me at least.  And then I have two with ADHD, one of whom is highly impulsive and the other has no filter on her mouth, plus a 3 YO who talks incessantly, even while eating.  Touch gets to me too.  I have never been a touchy person, and now I just don't want to be touched at all.  I can handle one laying on me if he's still, but they don't do still well.  And they want to pat me constantly to get my attention.  They were coming up and smacking me repeatedly on the stomach to get my attention...guess it was a tempting target.  They've stopped that, but patting my arm over and over is nearly as bad.  Need to teach them to just lay their hand on my arm to get my attention. 

 

I do use earplugs sometimes...need to remember them more.  We have an afternoon quiet time but my 5 & 7 YOs are with me for at least half that time because they won't stay out of trouble if they're not watched.  Then they watch a movie so I can nap, which is nice and necessary but doesn't qualify as mental down time in my book...it's just dead-to-the-world time.  I was putting on a movie for them mid-morning so I could take a shower.  It works best to take a shower early morning like I'm doing now but I really need that mid-morning mental break.  Guess I need to start doing a 30 minute mid-morning quiet time too so I can recharge.

[caedmyn]

Oh, I hear you. I was just talking to a group of moms about this today. The older I get, the less tolerance for noise I have. And my crew is loud. It's not just loud, happy noise either. It's whining, tattling, bickering...24 hours a day/7 days a week. 

 

I definitely do afternoon quiet time 100% of the time. That's a given. 

 

But I do need to figure out how to arrange our day so that different kids are in different rooms during school. I can NOT teach something intense with 3 little ones running around in circles around me. And yet I struggle with just telling them to "go play" or rather yelling at them to. It's really hard. If anyone has a schedule or tips for how to rotate small kids, I'm all ears. Until then, I may look into the earplug thing to filter some of the noise out.

 

The blog at www.largefamiliesonpurpose.com has some posts on managing younger kids while doing school.  Rotating mat time (one blanket/towel on the floor per kid with 1 activity on each like Duplos, play food, whatever, set timer for 10-15 minutes and kids and activities must stay on blanket til it goes off, then they rotate) or table time (same idea, 1 activity per spot, don't put kids too close together, when timer goes off kids stay in their spot and swap activities) can be helpful.  If they're trained for this during non-school time during school time you can move a little ways away but still within sight to focus on school stuff.

[Guest]

I'm laying in bed right now reading while the kids watch Berenstain Bears because I have a heck of a day ahead of me and need to not overdo it. Breaks are crucial for sanity. For reals.

[Aura]

How does one deal with non-kid noises? Like, I walk in circles in the kitchen working up the strength to run the blender or coffee grinder. I cringe when the furnace kicks on or when I have to turn the vent fan on in the bathroom or kitchen (and we have one of those practically silent bathroom fans, still bugs me). My son had a baseball game tonight, and the game sounds plus my kids plus everyone talking around me had my stomach in knots.

 

I see a lot of advice to have a quiet time, but can't anyone else "hear" quiet people? Like a buzzing or hum that you aren't even aware of until it stops? How do you shut that off?

 

(Sorry for the slight hijack, I've been wanting to start a thread on parenting with sensory issues for a while. Maybe I should have spun this off.)

Yes, I deal with that, too. I use an air purifier or fan for white noise, too, but again, earbuds is what I use mostly, with some music I like, depending on what mood I'm in. I also downloaded an app for rain sounds onto my phone. Love that for soothing sounds! There are all kinds of apps for calming sounds: rain, waterfall, ocean, forest...you name it!. 

[BarbecueMom]

Yes, I deal with that, too. I use an air purifier or fan for white noise, too, but again, earbuds is what I use mostly, with some music I like, depending on what mood I'm in. I also downloaded an app for rain sounds onto my phone. Love that for soothing sounds! There are all kinds of apps for calming sounds: rain, waterfall, ocean, forest...you name it!.

I used to have a rain app before DH got his CPAP. Actually, the white noise has been a source of anxiety for me lately. We run the house fan at night for a steady noise for the kids and to keep the air circulating, and I'm so tense in the morning until I turn it off. I don't realize I can hear it... until it goes off, and it's like I can breathe again. It's like that calm feeling you get during a power outage, when you don't realize how loud running electricity is until it's not working.

 

It's funny, we were at a very crowded place today, and that noise didn't bother me. I love fireworks and loud music in the car. The crickets are giving me a headache though.

[KungFuPanda]

I was blessed with a quiet household and I'm spoiled for it. After co-op day we just go home and recover in the glorious silence. If I had serious sensory issues and was easily distracted I think I'd have to become disciplined enough to enforce a rigid schedule so I could get things done and have predictable downtime. If my personality didn't suit such scheduling I might consider sending the kids to school for that first year with the new baby. With the baby coming in September I don't think I'd have it in me to pull off schoolwork, housework, and mothering.

[BooksandBoys]

I use noise-cancelling headphones a lot. My existing sensory issues got much worse after my third was born. It's a bit better now, but still very challenging as I also have nonstop talkers, a wailer, and various levels of SPD, ASD, and ADHD among the kids. Cooking is very hard for me (particularly the noise of things sizzling or the microwave running), so I make sure I have my noise-cancelling headphones on when cooking. They help me make it to dinner time without becoming a raving lunatic. Sometimes music helps, sometimes it makes it worse. I have to try it out to see.

 

Afternoon quiet time is essential, but not very quiet because, as mentioned, my kids have impulse challenges. As for the noise of just being, BarbecueMom, I can relate. I had an injury to my ear a few years ago that caused constant tinnitus (ringing) and sensitivity to pressure. So, even when it's supposedly silent, I always hear the ringing. Some days, that makes me crazy as it means there is no escape from my sensory issues! I can also feel/hear the noises of the city that no one else even senses (I've asked). Keeping my overall stress levels down, mostly through running and other exercise, helps me manage the constant low-level noise.