Rant against some of the homeschool community culture and values. I'm venting.......

[sunshine]

Guess what? I get comments all the time about my dc and how great they are, but I don't presume that it is because of my superior parenting skills. My 5yo got tons of great comments when he had a mohawk, so I don't know where the idea comes from that everyone hates mohawks. I know that when I didn't interact with people other than through my fundamentalist church and the ultra conservative message board I belonged to, I had a lot of wrong notions about the world, too.

 

 

Guess what too? I already told you that I don't know if it is a worldwide phenomenon or not that the world hates mohawks but I do and I don't care if anyone else likes them. But I do resent someone telling me that I am wrong not to and they are better because they do. Double standard seems to me. Very intolerant. And I am glad you are away from that church and ultra conservative messages boards. Hopefully you will broaden your mind and accept that other people don't think exactly the way you do and it's okay. Like I stated in my original post, I don't like it and other people have a right not to like it, so don't rant because someone doesn't agree with you. That will happen every day of your life.

[Annie G]

2. Hair must be kept groomed and clean and may not include shaven designs, bizarre coloring, or bizarre styles.

3. Boys’ hair should be neatly cut and trimmed in front so that the eyes are seen (the rule of thumb would be above the eyebrow) and short enough in back to not touch the collar. Girls’ hair must be worn so that the eyes are never covered.

 

The above is taken from the handbook from a local co-op that has been around forever. I think your son's hair would be verboten in this group, but at least they tell you up front. We have never joined this group...too many restrictions for our taste.

 

Sorry you're having to go through this!

[sunshine]

It becomes judgemental when they apply their standard (their line) to someone else and respond with disdain when someone allows something they wouldn't.

 

 

Or won't allow what they would and insinuate or flat out say that is wrong, stupid narrowminded whatever. It goes both way and we need to all remember this.

 

What I allow and what others allow will be different. If you want to know how I feel about something, or why I don't allow or like something then ask but don't get all bent out of shape and get upset because you don't agree or I don't think the way you do. Or we will all be politicians instead of Homeschool moms.

I believe the OP wanted to know why someone would be upset at her son being at that school. And several people told her. It is not stupid nor is an indication of crazy religious fanaticism or for that matter crazy atheistic behavior (as I was with a bunch of atheist this weekend and a Paganist Warrior Woman and quite enjoyed them although I totally disagree with them). It is the way a group of people think and feel. And if they make the rules, well it your choice whether to stay and abide by them or leave.

 

Don't let it bother you that someone doesn't think the way you do, it doesn't matter unless you are teaching them to maim and kill (then I am calling the cops) lie and steal (cops again). They are YOUR children for better or worse. You will reap what you sow and the field you prepare is one that YOU prepare. If you like it, go for it, but not everyone is going to like it, so leave.

 

Well, since I am feeling a little intolerant here so I think I will go Bible brainwashing with my kids now and teach them how to be good little bigots.

Because yes, how they turn out is because of me. It is not a random chance thing that floats around in space and lands on my child. I mold them, I teach them, I influence them, I speak to their hearts and beliefs. They will take it if it is lovingly given, and reject it if it is harshly inserted.

[dawn of ns]

I don't know if this is off-topic too much, but I have noticed quite the upswing in "appearance-driven" theology/culture among hs'ers. Skirts that are long, no pants for women, long hair for women and girls, etc. Which is fine in and of itself (I love to wear skirts, myself) but so often lately I notice a culture of judgement based solely upon appearance. Not always negative- sometimes it seems that those dressed a certain way are viewed as "better" or more whatever. More biblical? More spiritual? I am not explaining it well, but the focus on appearance as the end-all be all is disheartening. I just catch a whiff of "my parenting skills are better/more Godly/more biblical because my daughter doesn't wear pants" vibe. Its morphed into a strange fixation with petticoats and period dress and swimsuits that are impossible to actually swim in. Nothing wrong with modesty, but lately I see this over-the-top fixation on appearance. I am thinking you might be caught up in one of "those" groups.

 

Thank you! My pet peeve of the moment! A lot of it seems to self-absorbed and really, prideful. All about the show. Nevermind the weirdness of searching scripture to find out if lip gloss is okay. I'm quite sure Jesus, Paul et all were addressing some meatier issues! :D

[Remudamom]

And I will tell you why:

when I was a teen in the 80s, mohawks reminded me of the bands like (I know I am going to get this wrong), Queen, White Fang, anything that had like rebellious people.

When I see a mohawk, I see a rebellious kid and I don't want my kids around them.

 

I believe that if my child is representing Christ, he must avoid all appearance of evil (I Thess 5:22). If I go to a country and they believe that the color red is evil, and I know this, wouldn't it be disrespectful to say to those who believe that "Hey, I am a good person, my walk is strong, I have a right to dress the way I want". Although all of that may be true, I am not living as Christ would have me to live. I am not reflecting the love of Christ which is one of caring for the feelings of others. Yes, I may think I deserve the same treatment and the people who believe that red is evil should show me the same, but the truth is, Christ will judge them, and you for how you behave, not how you should have been treated.

 

The mohawk in itself is harmless, even if I think it looks ugly as does most of the country, but it does bring to mind rebellion. And I don't think that is the way we glorify God, by giving the appearance of rebellion. I would be appalled if people thought the way I wear my hair spoke of rebellion against society, Christianity or the SPCA, it wouldn't matter, I have to look and think of what my witness is, what it looks like to unbelievers and believers alike. Only in doing that do I represent Christ. He is not one who ran around with the crowd doing all the latest fads that I am sure were around even then, maybe the way they saddled their camels or tied their beards back, who knows? Plato or Aristotle, I can't remember which lamented in his generation of the rebellious youth with little regard for polite society.

 

Look at the purpose of the mohawk, is it to stand out? we are not to draw attention to ourselves with our outward appearance, but with a humble and Christlike life.

Is it to irritatate adults? We are told to honor our elders

Is it to lead others to Christ? If he were in a country or area where he was a missionary and it was to fit in then fine, but at a Christian Co-Op?

 

Is it just to see how it would look? Hey, my son's best friend did it for a big Boy Scout campout, that was fine, we took pictures, but it came off before church because in his heart he knew it would be dishonoring God to not go into His house looking his best.

 

I am sure your child is great, but truthfully, unless he had like a specific temporary purpose that was for fun (like the Indian Dance my son's friend had to perform that weekend), I am not sure I would want my kids to have more than a passing association with him because he has the appearance of rebellion. Mohawks are associated with the world, we are told to "come out from among them, and be ye separate.." (2 Cor. 6:17).

In conclusion, my point being that although a mohawk in itself is not a sin, it could be construed as a heart that is susceptible to a sinful life. The whole appearance of evil thing again.

 

Alright, let me have it for not espousing individualism, judging outward appearances etc. I am prepared when I speak from my heart and truth.

 

I really mean this to help, not to be harsh, I hope you will take it in the manner which my heart is speaking to you and your son,who is precious to you.

 

Exactly.

[sunshine]

Update:

 

I spoke with my DH and with my son. I told him, basically, the reality represented in PariSarah's great post.

 

That *I* don't care about him having a mowhawk. That *I* don't automatically assume character, behavior, heart issues, rebellion based on cosmetic expression.

 

But that many people *do*. And even some who don't believe that children are adults in training and need to consider conforming to a certain "look", or at least the avoidance of looks that could exclude job interviews, etc.

 

I told him it's the reality of his hair style choice. I don't agree with it, but it's the reality and he's too old for me to block those realities/consequences.

 

I called his Teacher (left message) and called the organizational representative with whom I spoke yesterday. She indicated that she didn't represent his teacher's perspective accurately; his haircut was not a distraction in class. It turns out that, bascially, there is one teacher (not my son's) who felt the most strongly that the hawk does not fit "conservative style".

 

I told the representative that I'm absolutely willing to ask my son to "not accentuate" the hawk with gel and to wear it as understated as his hair will comply. She told me that was absolutely adequate at this point.

 

He's "thinking about it".

 

Here is what my son's mowhawk looks like. This was over a year ago, but it is currently just like this:

 

Your children are so beautiful, and just to let you know that our Co_Op doesn't care what the kids hair looks like. They would take exception to piercings outside of the nose and ears and eyebrows as we have several girls with piercings in all those places. They are our artistically bent teens. conspicuous tattoos are not really encouraged but we have none with any of those so haven't dealt with that. How old is your son? He has the most beautiful hair as does all your kids. I was thinking he was around 16 or 17. He looks 12. Most kids I have known between 10 and 14 get a mohawk at some point. One of my friends kids who is 3 has a serious mohawk. Straight down the middle, stands up to hurricane force winds.

I am glad that you are feeling a little better toward your group. Maybe you should non-confrontationally talk to the "one" person it offends. If you are a Christian, I will remind you that we are suppose to go to the brother who offends us or has a grudge against us, one on one and try to have understanding and if she won't talk to you reasonably, then take someone else with you.Read Matt 18:15 for the Biblical way to resolve a disagreement. Think of the light you could put in her heart by her seeing your loving response to her reaction to your child.

Now my nosy side: If it was one teacher, then why didn't that teacher call you. Surely the one that called must have had some opinion or she would not have called. Oops, stirring that pot again!! sorry

[Frankie]

Guess what too? I already told you that I don't know if it is a worldwide phenomenon or not that the world hates mohawks but I do and I don't care if anyone else likes them. But I do resent someone telling me that I am wrong not to and they are better because they do. Double standard seems to me. Very intolerant. And I am glad you are away from that church and ultra conservative messages boards. Hopefully you will broaden your mind and accept that other people don't think exactly the way you do and it's okay. Like I stated in my original post, I don't like it and other people have a right not to like it, so don't rant because someone doesn't agree with you. That will happen every day of your life.

 

I don't think this is fair. You're claiming double standards and intolerance, but yet you write:

 

.

When I see a mohawk, I see a rebellious kid and I don't want my kids around them.

 

Sorry, but that's flat-out judgmental. It's hurtful. It's intolerant. And frankly, in most cases, it's more than likely untrue that kids who wear mohawks are rebels.

 

.

I am sure your child is great, but truthfully, unless he had like a specific temporary purpose that was for fun (like the Indian Dance my son's friend had to perform that weekend), I am not sure I would want my kids to have more than a passing association with him because he has the appearance of rebellion. Mohawks are associated with the world, we are told to "come out from among them, and be ye separate.." (2 Cor. 6:17).

In conclusion, my point being that although a mohawk in itself is not a sin, it could be construed as a heart that is susceptible to a sinful life. The whole appearance of evil thing again.

 

Aren't you being intolerant here as well? Are you ranting now because someone doesn't agree with you? It's okay for you to basically call a child evil or that a child represents evil because he wears a mohawk? That's pretty strong. It's powerfully strong.

 

Everyone has the right to their own opinions. You're never going to agree with everyone, nor is everyone going to agree with you. However, you made some bold statements and fully expected to hear about it.

 

.Alright, let me have it for not espousing individualism, judging outward appearances etc. I am prepared when I speak from my heart and truth.

 

I'm really not trying to pick on you or be argumentative. I just find your statements so harsh. I think perhaps you could have got your point across better had you stated things in terms of how you raise your children, and leaving out your judgment of other people's children. I hope that you can understand that it was very hurtful to people.

 

Peace,

Frankie

[*anj*]

That's ridiculous. I haven't read a single post after Joanne's original one, but I think it's crazy. What's the big deal, really?

I'd have a problem with inappropriate clothing, maybe tattoos, and certain jewelry choices. But I don't see hair as a big deal.

That said, I don't care for mohawks. I don't think they look good, and I don't get the point. But as a parent I think that I have much bigger fish to fry than things like hairstyles. If the way that one of my kids needs to express himself is through a silly hairstyle, have a blast and get it out of your system, kid!

[Cedarmom]

Thanks for the update and picture. What a cutie your son is. The mohawk is so different then what I thought. This is just so not so distracting? Is the teacher just jealous...perhaps a bald male teacher sho wishes he had hair:) Sounds like you came up with a good solution.....though it's kind of irratating that one cranky person gets to determine what is appropiate.

[Renee in NC]

Alright, let me have it for not espousing individualism, judging outward appearances etc. I am prepared when I speak from my heart and truth

 

I don't have a problem with people having other opinions than mine. I am asking you to express your opinion in a way that is not harsh, hateful, and provocative. We can all agree to disagree without calling into question someone else's (a stranger at that) parenting skills and faith.

 

I want to apologize for this:

 

I know that when I didn't interact with people other than through my fundamentalist church and the ultra conservative message board I belonged to, I had a lot of wrong notions about the world, too.

 

It was wrong and too emotional.

[sunshine]

I don't think this is fair. You're claiming double standards and intolerance, but yet you write:

 

 

Sorry, but that's flat-out judgmental. It's hurtful. It's intolerant. And frankly, in most cases, it's more than likely untrue that kids who wear mohawks are rebels.

 

***I stated that was how I felt, not that it was true. It is also a perception of a rebellious heart and bent that is share by others. May be not you, but there are plenty who agree. Right or wrong, it is a statement of the way someone feels. You obviously don't feel that way and that is fine. I don't think you have to agree with me. Or change how you feel. That is being intolerant when you tell someone the way they feel or believe is wrong and your way is right. ******

 

 

Aren't you being intolerant here as well? Are you ranting now because someone doesn't agree with you? It's okay for you to basically call a child evil or that a child represents evil because he wears a mohawk? That's pretty strong. It's powerfully strong.

********no one called her child evil. That is an exaggeration based on reactionary feelings. No one is ranting when they state in clear, unemotional terms they probably would not want their child becoming buddies with someone who has a mohawk as a permanent hairstyle. It is a choice, it is an opinion and everyone has a right to it, even me.******

 

Everyone has the right to their own opinions. You're never going to agree with everyone, nor is everyone going to agree with you. However, you made some bold statements and fully expected to hear about it.

*****I expected to hear about it. but in my OP (I love knowing what that means now) I gave my perception, how I would have felt and acknowledged that she did not feel that way and her child was precious to her. I understand the feelings of the people who would be offended. I understand the feelings of the ones who are being labeled. I can't change the way people react or think. I can present how I feel, and not put you down for the way you feel. Because your beliefs can change. So can mine and if something is right and true, hopefully we will all head in that direction. but some things will remain an opinion and not a truth. somethings will remain what I like and what you like. And both will be true. ***********

 

I'm really not trying to pick on you or be argumentative. I just find your statements so harsh. I think perhaps you could have got your point across better had you stated things in terms of how you raise your children, and leaving out your judgment of other people's children. I hope that you can understand that it was very hurtful to people.

 

******If I have been harsh, which hormonally it is possible that I am a bit more on edge than most of the month, please forgive me. I have no wish to hurt a soul that is easily bruised. Compassion is not my thing, I am working on it.********

 

Peace to you Frankie

* * * *

Sunshine

[sunshine]

I don't have a problem with people having other opinions than mine. I am asking you to express your opinion in a way that is not harsh, hateful, and provocative. We can all agree to disagree without calling into question someone else's (a stranger at that) parenting skills and faith.

 

*** I was wondering why this bothered you. You thought I was calling someone else's parenting skills and faith into question. I never meant that at all. That 2am in the morning thing has got to stop. I obviously cannot say what I mean.

I meant that people always question the way I parent and my kids are always complimented and they act like I had nothing to do with it.

I want to apologize for this:

 

 

 

It was wrong and too emotional.

** yeah like I can say something about responding with too much emotion!! (sarcasm dripping on myself!!)

 

Are we friends yet?***

 

* * * * *

Sunshine

[PariSarah]

Thanks for sharing it with us!!

 

I'm glad the director agreed to the "keep it understated" solution.

[Paula in MS]

Do you guys not see what is going on here? Look under the surface. The other boys think that Joann's son's hair is "cool." They are probably asking their parents for the same haircut. The parents are sick of hearing about it, so they have decided to say something. I'm not sure that it has anything to do with being conservative.

 

Paula

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

This is why I don't do homeschool groups. I can't stand these attitudes. I'm sorry that you and your son were the victims of the hyperparents from you know where.

[LilyK]

This is why I don't do homeschool groups. I can't stand these attitudes

 

 

I'm not sure what happened to my post. It disappeared, so I will say it again. This attitude is not limited to homeschooling or to conservative Christians. The hospital that I work it has a 3- page hyper-vigilant dress/hair code. My very conservative Christian co-op only has a 1 page dress code. Although Joanne's son's hair is adorable, mohawks are not allowed with either code.

[Nakia]

First, Joanne, I think you family is absolutely gorgeous! I love your son's hair!

 

Also, am I the only person here who cannot even believe some groups have "hair rules"? I have been accused of living in "Nakia's world", but to me that is ridiculous. I know the two co-ops in my area do not have such rules. They do have rules on dress though, but it simply says that modest dress is required. These are just kids!!

 

Nakia, who loves Jesus, has a tattoo, and thinks mohawks and brightly dyed hair are very cool!

[Deeke]

 

Also, am I the only person here who cannot even believe some groups have "hair rules"? I have been accused of living in "Nakia's world", but to me that is ridiculous. I know the two co-ops in my area do not have such rules. They do have rules on dress though, but it simply says that modest dress is required. These are just kids!!

 

 

 

Nope, I am right there with you on the hair rule, completely ridiculous!

[kalanamak]

Oh. my. word. I pictured a half-foot-high, black spiky (or at least gelled "straight-up") mohawk. Good grief. That is so NOT distracting.

 

Thanks for the update.

 

 

My brother's had that haircut in the 50's! This isn't a 17 year old with piercings and dye. Jeez Louise!! It's a little boy!

[unsinkable]

I wish I was cool enough to call a mohawk "a hawk." But I'm not, so I'll type out mohawk. :D

 

And I don't have a horse in this race but I think it's ironic that a mohawk can be wrong but an adorable blonde boy with only a strip of hair down the center of his scalp is right.

 

What if he was an ugly hulking man-child with mouse brown stringy hair?

[Lovedtodeath]

I don't have a problem with people having other opinions than mine. I am asking you to express your opinion in a way that is not harsh, hateful, and provocative. We can all agree to disagree without calling into question someone else's (a stranger at that) parenting skills and faith.

 

 

Sunshine has admitted to needing better communication skills, sounding too harsh, and grumpy at the time she wrote the post. She did not mean to call into question parenting skills, faith or call anyone names and has stated such. She has also had others step in and agree with her, and try to diffuse the situation. Yet you all keep slamming her. People make mistakes. What more do you want? She is not going to bow down and completely agree with you. If you all cannot let someone make a mistake and move on I would hate to see what your relationships would be like. I am sure that you have it in you.

Edited October 5, 2008 by Lovedtodeath

[Peek a Boo]

 

Because people do it, doesn't make it right.

 

People molest kids. People murder.

 

I'm surprised to see that argument. It's nice you wouldn't judge someone for "fat ankles" but others would. Would you speak up against that?

 

Jen

 

 

funny.

I was kinda thinking that same thing about this post.

 

i guess we all have our own ideas of what's worth speaking up against when people are "gonna do it anyway."

[Peek a Boo]

 

Joanne, the mohawk is not conservative...

 

but I don't regard it as offensive.

 

I feel entirely differently about a baseball cap, so be prepared--others might feel the same. From a standard politeness perspective, it is rude for a male to wear a hat indoors. It is disrespectful to the people there. Now, I know that that is shifting, especially as hip hop has become popular, but it is still a pretty common view; and frankly, it is my view--I would regard a boy who didn't take off a baseball cap in my class as sneering at me. I would expect that people who think that a mohawk is distracting would very possibly be quite insulted by a proposal to wear a hat, and think that it's intended as a further protest.

 

What you should do in this situation, I'm not sure. But just please be aware that your offer to have him wear a hat might very well be interpreted as quite the opposite of the conciliatory gesture that I think you intend.

Best regards, Carol

 

i agree that it's not "conservative," but I also don't think I'd raise a big stink over it either. I think "diluting it down' should be MORE than sufficient.

 

i also agree that if we are training our kids to deal w/ the real world --secular or religious-- they do need to be prepared for the consequences of judgmental attitudes from others.

 

i wouldn't mind my son doing anything w/ his hair cuz --as Joanne said --it's just dead cells, lol. But then again, if it's "just dead cells" then it shouldn't be that big a deal to wear it even in a "conservative" way....would it?

 

If my son wanted to get an unconventional hairstyle, I would be doing him a disservice if i didn't prepare him for the looks, sneers, and comments he was going to get.

 

DH as a charter jet pilot has to follow a clean cut conservative dress code because that's what the clients are most comfortable with --when there's a profit involved, i can understand a dress code. A small business that hires someone very obese, or w/ unconventional hairstyles, or any other sort of "out of the general public's comfort zone" will need to be ready to deal w/ any possible loss of income they might experience. For the smaller business owner, that can ruin their family's income. I appreciate the people --unconventional or not-- who live, work, and act in such a way that it wouldn't matter HOW they looked, they do a GREAT job being a decent human being.

 

The realtor handling my fil's house has some amazing tattoos all over his arms. But he is VERY knowledgable and just oozes likability :D

 

==================

 

but I'm one of those who thinks the no-hats-on-boys/men-indoors thing is the wierdest, most has-nothing-to-do-with-respectful-behavior "rule" out there, lol.

 

how does taking a hat off your own head shows someone ELSE respect? i prefer my boys to keep their hats on so they don't LOSE them.

 

"Boy-- is your head cold?"

 

"No sir, I'm just keeping my hat on my head so my hands are free and ready to help others instead of holding a HAT."

 

but that seems like new thread material......

[tibbyl]

The cut looks more like a pompadour cut than a mohawk cut.

[Renee in NC]

Sunshine has admitted to needing better communication skills, being too harsh, and grumpy at the time she wrote the post. She did not mean to call into question parenting skills, faith or call anyone names and has stated such. She has also had others step in and agree with her, and try to diffuse the situation. Yet you all keep slamming her. People make mistakes. What more do you want? She is not going to bow down and completely agree with you. If you all cannot let someone make a mistake and move on I would hate to see what your relationships would be like. I am sure that you have it in you.

 

Actually, my post came before she admitted that/apologized. I didn't continue to slam her - I responded, I apologized, we moved on (I thought.) I am not sure which mode you are reading in, but if you switch to chronological mode you can see that.

[tibbyl]

Hair raising tag is hairlarious.

[Jennifer3141]

funny.

I was kinda thinking that same thing about this post.

 

i guess we all have our own ideas of what's worth speaking up against when people are "gonna do it anyway."

 

I have absolutely no idea why wanting to rep someone annoys you but I don't really care either. :D

 

Jen

[pqr]

Joanne,

This is a tough one because whenever one speaks about someone’s child feelings are going to get hurt, but the topic has been brought up for discussion.

 

I will start by saying the hairstyle is nowhere near as bad as I would have thought and that the following are simply my personal opinions.

 

We all have standards and many of us have very different standards and will probably never see eye to eye but, hopefully, we can be cordial in our disagreement.

 

I would never allow my son to have anything approximating a mohawk, long hair, piercings, tattoos or anything of that ilk. Again, these are my personal opinions.

 

I potentially grew up in a very different world where there were certain modes of appearance that were deemed masculine. My father’s job was to raise a man so I had no choice by to conform. There was a lesson in that. While I do not and will not conform to some more “modern” opinions and I will always stand up for what I believe to be right I do dress conservatively.

My father once told me, when the fad of males getting ear rings and other assorted holes started, that I was welcome to get one as long as I understood that he would remove said piece of metal with a pair of pliers. I was also told that I was not allowed grow a weird hairstyle. Then again, given the views of masculinity that he had imparted to me, it would never have occurred to me to do any of the above. These are also the views that I have given to my son. Again they are my personal opinions. I do not necessarily expect others to adopt my views, but I will not be changed in them.

 

 

Joanne, you called the group “large, Christian, conservative” did you expect their behavior to be anything less that you described? I have read many of your posts, and have no doubt that you are a superb mother and that your children are all that you describe them to be, but I must tell you I would have led the charge to make your son’s hair conform.

 

Why:

1. Conservative dress does include conservative hairstyles. While there is nothing offensive about your son’s hair it is not conservative.

2. If one were to make an exception for your son, how about a boy with a Mohawk that was 5 inches longer or blue? How about hair half way down a boy’s back? Standards are set to be adhered to.

3. As your son is a nice polite and kind boy, I assume that others will look up to him. You make it more difficult for other parents to hold their line when a good boy is seen to be able to bend the rules. I know that children like to experiment with different looks, but it is my belief that one of the roles of a parent is to guide these desires, and if necessary curtail them. It is hard enough in today’s world to do this without having the additional challenge that your son would create.

 

If you cannot abide by the rules of the group then I would suggest you depart. It is, however, unfair to try and make the group make an exception based on your son’s preferences.

 

Sincerely pqr

Edited October 5, 2008 by pqr

[LisaNY]

That's not a mohawk!

 

Your son's hair is so NOT what I was picturing. I was agreeing with the ones that said you need to follow the dress code, yada, yada, yada. But a picture is worth a thousand words and I am just. not. able. to see the problem with your boy's hair.

 

Yep - I was thinking it looked like the pic in Kelli's post. Joanne, that is not a mohawk in the true sense of the word.

[Peek a Boo]

I have absolutely no idea why wanting to rep someone annoys you but I don't really care either. :D

 

Jen

it wasn't that you wanted to rep her, it was that you apparently agreed with the sentiment that we shouldn't stop a wrong action BECAUSE "people will do it anyway" ...and then in THIS current thread you are arguing that we should stop /not condone a wrong action whether people will continue to do it or not.

 

i agree with your argument in THIS thread --that wrong actions should be stopped/ not condoned whether people will continue to do them or not-- and found it ironic that the opposite side of the coin was argued earlier.

 

that's all :)

[Lovedtodeath]

Actually, my post came before she admitted that/apologized. I didn't continue to slam her - I responded, I apologized, we moved on (I thought.)

 

I was not aware of this. I also meant to address a group of people, and purposely removed your name from the quote. I am glad to hear that you are big enough to apologize and move on.;)

[Kari C in SC]

Would you have the same response if the issue was girls wearing spaghetti strap midriff tank tops?

 

I don't think what you describes compares with a mohawk. Your example would fall under a modesty issue for me. Hair doesn't fall under modesty imo.

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

..who have a tendency to go outside of the *acceptable* "norms":

 

(BTW, I'm not trying to say your boy should be on probation :o). I just think this is good advice.

 

Dh tells his kids that if they choose to look or act a certain way, they may get a reaction, and that they should be prepared to deal w/ that reaction. He doesn't say it is wrong or right to look a certain way or that the reactions are right or wrong, but that they are a reality.

 

Perhaps you have already spoken to your son about this, and I don't want to presume that you have not.

 

Blessings,

 

Camy

[Joanne]

Perhaps you have already spoken to your son about this, and I don't want to presume that you have not.

 

Somewhere in this mess of a thread is an update saying exactly that.

[sunshine]

( Camy said) Dh tells his kids that if they choose to look or act a certain way, they may get a reaction, and that they should be prepared to deal w/ that reaction. He doesn't say it is wrong or right to look a certain way or that the reactions are right or wrong, but that they are a reality.

 

Great way of putting it, simple and and non confrontational. I like it.

 

 

Sunshine

[sunshine]

Somewhere in this mess of a thread is an update saying exactly that.

 

 

This thread has gone on a long time, but I want to thank you because I now have 2 count'em two!! friends on my profile!! I am so excited!!

 

I hope you are feeling better, I know that I am now that I am going to go to bed and take my hormone herbs!!!:party:Thank you for defending me Lovedtodeath!!

 

Sunshine

 

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us" J.R.R.Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

...I have a few more things to add that may or may not help you here.

 

Back to juvenile probation officer dh...

 

As my previous post stated, he has numerous kids who like to go outside the norm when it comes to appearances. Sometimes it is necessary for him to make them think about this subject for practical means.

 

Before his kids appear in court, he gives them an overview of the court's expectations when it comes to behavior and appearance. He tells them that how they look and act will have an impact on their future, and that it is up to them to decide how they will deal with that.

 

He has also told them that there is a time and place for everything, including types of dress/fashion. Bathing suits are for the beach, shorts are for casual summer wear, and pajamas are for sleeping in...etc.

 

Basically, he lets them know in a respectful way that they have choices regarding these issues. (and you've covered this with your son).

 

I don't mean to pry here, Joanne, but I can hear the pain in your original post. Your family has been through so much in the past few years. I'm sure you will encourage your son in a positive way.

 

I hope I didn't sound intrusive or judgemental in any way...it is the furthest from my intentions.

 

Blessings,

 

Camy

[Lovedtodeath]

One last thought: I try to be very careful with how I word things. It seems on these boards we tend to be proud of proving our own superior communication or debating skills. I have been guilty of this too, but usually I am not the good communicator. ;) If you don't word things just right, or if you are emotionally defending yourself, then whoa you just can't win. :( Sometimes I feel like saying "I am sorry that I get less sleep than you and I am not naturally good at debating regardless. I guess since I am the less sharp and witty communicator I am not allowed to have an opinion."

 

Did you know that Moses and Paul were not good speakers, and Paul and Barnabus had a misunderstanding and did not speak for over a year? None of us are perfect, so let's all work on showing love by believing all things and hoping all things about each other instead of assuming the worst. Sometimes someone is not wording things quite right, and not really reflecting their feelings adequately. Let's all try to understand that. Posts on both sides that seem to be putting someone down usually have the intent of helping someone else. I sincerely hope that I have not hurt anyone's feelings with my responses. :grouphug: I can tell (at least the responses I read) that we are really trying to accomplish good here.