Borderline Personality Disorder & Homeschooling (sorry long)

[Pen]

This thread has been going down hill for some time.

 

I got all the advice i need , thank you.

 

1) get help for myself first 

2) get help for eldest

3) put homeschooling on back burner and focus on peace and routine in home

4) consider other options for kids, public school, playschool etc.

5) get extra help around house ie mothers helper etc.

 

Got it.

 

The comments that are in addition to this have started to become very critical , judgmental, accusatory, and trying to use my words against me. 

What was supposed to be helpful and supportive has started to feel at certain points  like a personal attack.

 

I wish this thread would just end.

 

 I think the 5 points you made are basically the main points being made as I see it too.

 

Thank you,

But I am done looking for advice.

I appreciate the concerns and experience and tips.

I have thoughtfully read all of your responses.

Thanks again

 

 

You're welcome!  

Good luck!

Blessings.

[Pen]

If there is a religious school nearby that would otherwise work for your family, check into scholarships. We have friends who switched schools mid-year to a small religious school and were offered generous scholarships despite having what I'd consider to be a very comfortable income. Even if it only fit your second child, that might take a little off your plate while keeping with your family values.

 

 

I think that's a great idea!  

 

It could also give a breather to dc#2 .

 

For some kids in a family having some crisis or mental health issues, school can be a wonderful respite.

[bookwormsix]

Many of the posts, frankly the most blunt, are by people who also homeschool with mental illness or at least have experience with it in their families.

 

I'm sorry that you've been upset by some posts.  As someone who has very personal experience with mental illness in my family, the posters here have been honest while being very kind.  I understand how that honesty can be upsetting but that doesn't make it any of the negatives that your claiming.

you are right. Many posters were very honest and kind.

thank you

[bookwormsix]

As someone also homeschooling with mental illness, I disagree. This got hurtful in a way people not dealing with mental health issues may not understand. Certain things said here would apply to my family as well, and became upsetting. The helpful advice started becoming insistent, based on vague assumptions, and condescending. 

 

:grouphug:  bookwormsix

Thank you for your support. :)

[Janeway]

Sounds like your daughter may have a mental health issue.

 

Sending a child to public school has never been known to be a cure for a mental health illness. Therefore, it defies logic to simply send her because of this. Now, if you wanted to send her, fine. But you don't. So, don't send her. You can understand her best, especially if you have btdt. Good luck! I am sure you will do well!

[CookIslandsMommy]

I am also borderline and can relate to your situation, we homeschool as well and perhaps I may be able to ask you a few further questions from someone who goes through BPD as well. 

 

Firstly I have only 1DD that I homeschool. There is absolutely no way I personally could possible homeschool more than one being BPD. This is the truth in my situation & what I know I can cope with and not cope with. 

 

I am going to throw in something completely different advice (as a BPD mother & a homeschooling mother) and something I HAVE to ask myself often. 

 

Many others have told me as well (when I have confided in my deepest darkest secret of being BPD) that I am an awesome mother and incredible homeschooler. BUT none of this counts at all if I am not providing a stable, safe home for my child to grow up in. This is what I have the most fear of God about! That when I am not stable - whether this is once a month or once every two months i HAVE to get it 2gether, because my children need to have safe stable home. It is my children's right in God's eyes to be brought up in a safe harmonious home. 

 

Many, many, many time I have failed this! People who are not BPD cannot understand what our "bad" days are like. If you have been given diagnosis of BPD then one can be honest and say our bad days are nothing like a normal functioning person's bad days - chalk and cheese. 

 

Borderline moments and breakdowns are traumatic! Even if I am having them only once a month, this is still unacceptable because again borderline breakdowns are not like "having a stressful" day. It is something far beyond that. 

 

I am also a devout Christian and borderline is like having a constant enemy that comes into my home (whether it be once a month or less) and wrecks hell inside. 

 

For me my goal as a homeschooling parent WITH BPD is:

Can I provide a home environment that is safe for my child?  Can I provide a healthy, emotionally good environment? 

 

Is there a chance that my BPD episodes push her further away from a relationship with Christ (being with me day in and day out with homeschooling) compared to being a happy health Mom, that drops her kids off at school and picks them up being a much healthier, happy peaceful Mom?  Could my BPD actually be what causes my child to completely walk away from Christ because all she may remember is stressful , ugly environment at home? 

 

These are questions I have to ask myself & not be turned aside by the good and well intended people saying that even with BPD I am still a good homeschooling parent. These people, for me, are not in my house when scary gets scary! 

 

Can I say to myself truthfully that my BPD is not causing trauma on my child, causing long term damage?

Is pursing the homeschooling dream worth it if I am destroying my child and with that my future relationship with that child?

 

I have been actively working out my triggers.  What things can cause me to have a BPD breakdown/moment. 

Are there certain times in the month that may cause a BPD episode?

 

For me going saying that the more stressful situations I am in will help me cope better with them is simply not true. If I have not come up with the skills and preparation to deal with the triggers(away from the stressful situations) then the same result will keep on happening for me. This is why DBT is so important. 

 

For me certain situations (triggers) cause the the stress resulting in a BPD moment. 

 

These are the practical things I am doing and working towards to help myself & assist in achieving my goal - creating a safe and stable environment that is joyous and fill of love & one where my husband and child don't have to walk on eggshells. 

 

 - Chilling out ALOT more than usual. Having less high standards for "expectations" of my child in school work. 

 

 - Realising that editing 1:1 with my DD on her writing drafts is a trigger

 

 - Not having DD participate in alot of extra-curriculars (the more I am driving around like a crazy woman taking my child from one activity to the next - the more stressed out I become. Being at home more, is much more healthy for me. 

 

 - BPD episodes break out in the week leading up to my period....so I am super careful during this week, to tone down my intensity & know to chill out even more about expectations and be kinder to myself. 

 

 -  Learning that how I feel is not the actual true reality of who I am. My feelings trick me and deceive me. I cannot trust them. When I feel unstable and that my world is falling apart I can choose to continue and fight through, this feeling will not last. 

 

 - Accepting that being BPD means I have issues with self-control. Lacking self -control (for me in my life) is a sinful behaviour and so I have to do everything I can to work on on this character. So I avoid situations that can trigger me. Getting into online arguing/disagreements....I have left facebook....learning to be quieter and not open my mouth as much.  Moving on from toxic relationships. 

 

 - Stopping negative thoughts. If I see someone doing something that is stupid, I am learning to keep my mouth closed and even stop thinking the negative. Direct my thoughts onto something else. Wasting less time on negativity. 

 

 - Being 100% honest with my child. " Mama is not feeling herself today, I am sorry I got frustrated or stressed out....that was not the right way to behave or the right thing to do. Please forgive me." (Then we hug and we pray, say sorry to God, ask forgiveness - and then we sit and read a book together on the couch - something that is very positive in our relationship....this helps bring the household environment back into a healthy place of peace & stability

 

 - In Homeschooling having a proper routine is very important for us. Many times DVD homeschooling has worked a treat. We use BJU DVd for science and if things got worse I would simply sign up for more DVD classes. Whatever it takes to be more peaceful and less stressful in the home. 

 

 

Having BPD is not the same as having a stressed out moment. Rage, anger, lashing out, screaming, turning into a mad person...are stereotypical of BPD...it is not simply not "coping". 

 

Someone else suggested DBT. Great advice. I personally need to look into this more, I have skirted some of it and need to start taking more control over my health & realise I can make a difference.

 

The BPD moments, once a month, for me - are still not OK - even if they are once a month. My child's safety and future emotional health is always at risk during my BPD episodes. and that must come before any homeschooling desires or plans I have. You may feel differently to me, but this is just my explanation of how I, as BPD, view my struggles. 

 

I hope that this helps in some way.

 

If it is of no help then please just dismiss, this is not meant to be "do what I say" or " my point of view is the right way to go"...it is just one other random BPD homeschooling mom's perspective. 

 

I have found a wonderful Christian blogger who also had BPD and shares her struggles and victories. Google Christian + BPD and her website/blog will come up on the first page. 

 

I wish the very best for you & understand your pain. 

May God guide you in the right direction and ease the BPD burden. 

You are welcome to message anytime. I am sure there are many things you could give me as advice.

Regards

Sherid

Edited February 23, 2016 by CookIslandsMommy

[bookwormsix]

I am also borderline and can relate to your situation, we homeschool as well and perhaps I may be able to ask you a few further questions from someone who goes through BPD as well.

 

Firstly I have only 1DD that I homeschool. There is absolutely no way I personally could possible homeschool more than one being BPD. This is the truth in my situation & what I know I can cope with and not cope with.

 

I am going to throw in something completely different advice (as a BPD mother & a homeschooling mother) and something I HAVE to ask myself often.

 

Many others have told me as well (when I have confided in my deepest darkest secret of being BPD) that I am an awesome mother and incredible homeschooler. BUT none of this counts at all if I am not providing a stable, safe home for my child to grow up in. This is what I have the most fear of God about! That when I am not stable - whether this is once a month or once every two months i HAVE to get it 2gether, because my children need to have safe stable home. It is my children's right in God's eyes to be brought up in a safe harmonious home.

 

Many, many, many time I have failed this! People who are not BPD cannot understand what our "bad" days are like. If you have been given diagnosis of BPD then one can be honest and say our bad days are nothing like a normal functioning person's bad days - chalk and cheese.

 

Borderline moments and breakdowns are traumatic! Even if I am having them only once a month, this is still unacceptable because again borderline breakdowns are not like "having a stressful" day. It is something far beyond that.

 

I am also a devout Christian and borderline is like having a constant enemy that comes into my home (whether it be once a month or less) and wrecks hell inside.

 

For me my goal as a homeschooling parent WITH BPD is:

Can I provide a home environment that is safe for my child? Can I provide a healthy, emotionally good environment?

 

Is there a chance that my BPD episodes push her further away from a relationship with Christ (being with me day in and day out with homeschooling) compared to being a happy health Mom, that drops her kids off at school and picks them up being a much healthier, happy peaceful Mom? Could my BPD actually be what causes my child to completely walk away from Christ because all she may remember is stressful , ugly environment at home?

 

These are questions I have to ask myself & not be turned aside by the good and well intended people saying that even with BPD I am still a good homeschooling parent. These people, for me, are not in my house when scary gets scary!

 

Can I say to myself truthfully that my BPD is not causing trauma on my child, causing long term damage?

Is pursing the homeschooling dream worth it if I am destroying my child and with that my future relationship with that child?

 

I have been actively working out my triggers. What things can cause me to have a BPD breakdown/moment.

Are there certain times in the month that may cause a BPD episode?

 

For me going saying that the more stressful situations I am in will help me cope better with them is simply not true. If I have not come up with the skills and preparation to deal with the triggers(away from the stressful situations) then the same result will keep on happening for me. This is why DBT is so important.

 

For me certain situations (triggers) cause the the stress resulting in a BPD moment.

 

These are the practical things I am doing and working towards to help myself & assist in achieving my goal - creating a safe and stable environment that is joyous and fill of love & one where my husband and child don't have to walk on eggshells.

 

- Chilling out ALOT more than usual. Having less high standards for "expectations" of my child in school work.

 

- Realising that editing 1:1 with my DD on her writing drafts is a trigger

 

- Not having DD participate in alot of extra-curriculars (the more I am driving around like a crazy woman taking my child from one activity to the next - the more stressed out I become. Being at home more, is much more healthy for me.

 

- BPD episodes break out in the week leading up to my period....so I am super careful during this week, to tone down my intensity & know to chill out even more about expectations and be kinder to myself.

 

- Learning that how I feel is not the actual true reality of who I am. My feelings trick me and deceive me. I cannot trust them. When I feel unstable and that my world is falling apart I can choose to continue and fight through, this feeling will not last.

 

- Accepting that being BPD means I have issues with self-control. Lacking self -control (for me in my life) is a sinful behaviour and so I have to do everything I can to work on on this character. So I avoid situations that can trigger me. Getting into online arguing/disagreements....I have left facebook....learning to be quieter and not open my mouth as much. Moving on from toxic relationships.

 

- Stopping negative thoughts. If I see someone doing something that is stupid, I am learning to keep my mouth closed and even stop thinking the negative. Direct my thoughts onto something else. Wasting less time on negativity.

 

- Being 100% honest with my child. " Mama is not feeling herself today, I am sorry I got frustrated or stressed out....that was not the right way to behave or the right thing to do. Please forgive me." (Then we hug and we pray, say sorry to God, ask forgiveness - and then we sit and read a book together on the couch - something that is very positive in our relationship....this helps bring the household environment back into a healthy place of peace & stability

 

- In Homeschooling having a proper routine is very important for us. Many times DVD homeschooling has worked a treat. We use BJU DVd for science and if things got worse I would simply sign up for more DVD classes. Whatever it takes to be more peaceful and less stressful in the home.

 

 

Having BPD is not the same as having a stressed out moment. Rage, anger, lashing out, screaming, turning into a mad person...are stereotypical of BPD...it is not simply not "coping".

 

Someone else suggested DBT. Great advice. I personally need to look into this more, I have skirted some of it and need to start taking more control over my health & realise I can make a difference.

 

The BPD moments, once a month, for me - are still not OK - even if they are once a month. My child's safety and future emotional health is always at risk during my BPD episodes. and that must come before any homeschooling desires or plans I have. You may feel differently to me, but this is just my explanation of how I, as BPD, view my struggles.

 

I hope that this helps in some way.

 

If it is of no help then please just dismiss, this is not meant to be "do what I say" or " my point of view is the right way to go"...it is just one other random BPD homeschooling mom's perspective.

 

I have found a wonderful Christian blogger who also had BPD and shares her struggles and victories. Google Christian + BPD and her website/blog will come up on the first page.

 

I wish the very best for you & understand your pain.

May God guide you in the right direction and ease the BPD burden.

You are welcome to message anytime. I am sure there are many things you could give me as advice.

Regards

Sherid

Well,

When I was diagnosed 5 year's ago the doctor told me my symptoms were soft even at that time. Since then I have read lots, been to therapy and counselling and been on meds when it was necessary.

 

In the last 2 years Or maybe more I no longer even meet the diagnosis criteria which means ....technically if I walked in off the street and described my symptoms they would could not say I had a certain mental illness, you have to have X many symptoms to have it.... I for years have not had X many symptoms.

I have not had to see a doctor for a couple years because of this.

 

So BPD experiences are relative and on a spectrum.

 

I should not have included BPD in original post because too many people jump to conclusions .

 

 

Thank you for your advice.

It was a mistake to ask my question on here.

You are all good intentioned people trying to help. ..... but this has been the wrong medium.

 

 

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[purplejackmama]

Just ask SWB to delete this thread.

[Spryte]

I am also borderline and can relate to your situation, we homeschool as well and perhaps I may be able to ask you a few further questions from someone who goes through BPD as well.

 

Firstly I have only 1DD that I homeschool. There is absolutely no way I personally could possible homeschool more than one being BPD. This is the truth in my situation & what I know I can cope with and not cope with.

 

I am going to throw in something completely different advice (as a BPD mother & a homeschooling mother) and something I HAVE to ask myself often.

 

Many others have told me as well (when I have confided in my deepest darkest secret of being BPD) that I am an awesome mother and incredible homeschooler. BUT none of this counts at all if I am not providing a stable, safe home for my child to grow up in. This is what I have the most fear of God about! That when I am not stable - whether this is once a month or once every two months i HAVE to get it 2gether, because my children need to have safe stable home. It is my children's right in God's eyes to be brought up in a safe harmonious home.

 

Many, many, many time I have failed this! People who are not BPD cannot understand what our "bad" days are like. If you have been given diagnosis of BPD then one can be honest and say our bad days are nothing like a normal functioning person's bad days - chalk and cheese.

 

Borderline moments and breakdowns are traumatic! Even if I am having them only once a month, this is still unacceptable because again borderline breakdowns are not like "having a stressful" day. It is something far beyond that.

 

I am also a devout Christian and borderline is like having a constant enemy that comes into my home (whether it be once a month or less) and wrecks hell inside.

 

For me my goal as a homeschooling parent WITH BPD is:

Can I provide a home environment that is safe for my child? Can I provide a healthy, emotionally good environment?

 

Is there a chance that my BPD episodes push her further away from a relationship with Christ (being with me day in and day out with homeschooling) compared to being a happy health Mom, that drops her kids off at school and picks them up being a much healthier, happy peaceful Mom? Could my BPD actually be what causes my child to completely walk away from Christ because all she may remember is stressful , ugly environment at home?

 

These are questions I have to ask myself & not be turned aside by the good and well intended people saying that even with BPD I am still a good homeschooling parent. These people, for me, are not in my house when scary gets scary!

 

Can I say to myself truthfully that my BPD is not causing trauma on my child, causing long term damage?

Is pursing the homeschooling dream worth it if I am destroying my child and with that my future relationship with that child?

 

I have been actively working out my triggers. What things can cause me to have a BPD breakdown/moment.

Are there certain times in the month that may cause a BPD episode?

 

For me going saying that the more stressful situations I am in will help me cope better with them is simply not true. If I have not come up with the skills and preparation to deal with the triggers(away from the stressful situations) then the same result will keep on happening for me. This is why DBT is so important.

 

For me certain situations (triggers) cause the the stress resulting in a BPD moment.

 

These are the practical things I am doing and working towards to help myself & assist in achieving my goal - creating a safe and stable environment that is joyous and fill of love & one where my husband and child don't have to walk on eggshells.

 

- Chilling out ALOT more than usual. Having less high standards for "expectations" of my child in school work.

 

- Realising that editing 1:1 with my DD on her writing drafts is a trigger

 

- Not having DD participate in alot of extra-curriculars (the more I am driving around like a crazy woman taking my child from one activity to the next - the more stressed out I become. Being at home more, is much more healthy for me.

 

- BPD episodes break out in the week leading up to my period....so I am super careful during this week, to tone down my intensity & know to chill out even more about expectations and be kinder to myself.

 

- Learning that how I feel is not the actual true reality of who I am. My feelings trick me and deceive me. I cannot trust them. When I feel unstable and that my world is falling apart I can choose to continue and fight through, this feeling will not last.

 

- Accepting that being BPD means I have issues with self-control. Lacking self -control (for me in my life) is a sinful behaviour and so I have to do everything I can to work on on this character. So I avoid situations that can trigger me. Getting into online arguing/disagreements....I have left facebook....learning to be quieter and not open my mouth as much. Moving on from toxic relationships.

 

- Stopping negative thoughts. If I see someone doing something that is stupid, I am learning to keep my mouth closed and even stop thinking the negative. Direct my thoughts onto something else. Wasting less time on negativity.

 

- Being 100% honest with my child. " Mama is not feeling herself today, I am sorry I got frustrated or stressed out....that was not the right way to behave or the right thing to do. Please forgive me." (Then we hug and we pray, say sorry to God, ask forgiveness - and then we sit and read a book together on the couch - something that is very positive in our relationship....this helps bring the household environment back into a healthy place of peace & stability

 

- In Homeschooling having a proper routine is very important for us. Many times DVD homeschooling has worked a treat. We use BJU DVd for science and if things got worse I would simply sign up for more DVD classes. Whatever it takes to be more peaceful and less stressful in the home.

 

 

Having BPD is not the same as having a stressed out moment. Rage, anger, lashing out, screaming, turning into a mad person...are stereotypical of BPD...it is not simply not "coping".

 

Someone else suggested DBT. Great advice. I personally need to look into this more, I have skirted some of it and need to start taking more control over my health & realise I can make a difference.

 

The BPD moments, once a month, for me - are still not OK - even if they are once a month. My child's safety and future emotional health is always at risk during my BPD episodes. and that must come before any homeschooling desires or plans I have. You may feel differently to me, but this is just my explanation of how I, as BPD, view my struggles.

 

I hope that this helps in some way.

 

If it is of no help then please just dismiss, this is not meant to be "do what I say" or " my point of view is the right way to go"...it is just one other random BPD homeschooling mom's perspective.

 

I have found a wonderful Christian blogger who also had BPD and shares her struggles and victories. Google Christian + BPD and her website/blog will come up on the first page.

 

I wish the very best for you & understand your pain.

May God guide you in the right direction and ease the BPD burden.

You are welcome to message anytime. I am sure there are many things you could give me as advice.

Regards

Sherid

Sherid, what a thoughtful, brave, kind post. Your words are so relevant to the OP's first post, and you shared such a personal experience. I'm sure it will be helpful to someone reading and following along. I just wanted to say that I think you are pretty amazing for sharing as much as you did here, and that I'm sure it will help someone.

[maize]

Sherid, what a thoughtful, brave, kind post. Your words are so relevant to the OP's first post, and you shared such a personal experience. I'm sure it will be helpful to someone reading and following along. I just wanted to say that I think you are pretty amazing for sharing as much as you did here, and that I'm sure it will help someone.

I agree, Sherid's post was amazing.

[bookwormsix]

Sherid, what a thoughtful, brave, kind post. Your words are so relevant to the OP's first post, and you shared such a personal experience. I'm sure it will be helpful to someone reading and following along. I just wanted to say that I think you are pretty amazing for sharing as much as you did here, and that I'm sure it will help someone.

Also agree.very wise and helpful words.

Thank you for sharing so much of your experience.

 

 

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[clementine]

I have empathy for your family/schooling situation.  I don't have personal experience with mental illness, but I applaud you for being open to advice/suggestions.

 

One thing I will say....there is nothing wrong with realizing that putting one or several of your children in school, even if just to establish a routine, isn't anything to be ashamed of.  

 

A friend of mine of mine (who is battling with her mental illness) decided at the beginning of this year to put her 4 children (7th grade and younger) in public school FOR ONE YEAR.  Her sole purpose for doing that was to get them into a steady routine while she prepared herself and her household to homeschool again next year.  She is taking this year to get herself steady and as healthy as possible, to get the children used to the routine of schooling again, and to make a fresh start for next year when she brings them all home again.  

 

Would that be a possibility for you?

[LucyStoner]

I think it would be unfortunate to lose all of the great posts on this thread to a thread deletion.  The OP can edit out her OP if she feels she has overshared. 

[LucyStoner]

I think that it is absolutely possible to homeschool with a mental health issue.  I do it and have done so fairly sucessfully for years.

I do not think that it is possible to do it well with an UNTREATED mental health issue or while living in chaos and confusion.  Life sounds hard for the OP and perhaps it's so hard just now as to be incompatible with continuing to homeschool in the same way.

Things to consider:

-Getting a highly organized/structure plan in place that utilizes pre-made, easy to deliver lesson plans.

-Online school?

-Part-time private or public school options?

-Homeschool enrichment classes?

-Homeschool co-op?

There are a lot of choices between "homeschool as it is just now" and "FT school".

[bookwormsix]

Just want to give a quick update.

In the short time that I posted my original question, ive started to make some changes.

 

I found a mother's helper that starts on Monday. once a week for 3 hours. its better than nothing.

 

I also got daughter doing some of her reading lessons online through reading eggs. so she started that and teaching textbooks continues.

 

So thats that so far.

 

[clementine]

Just want to give a quick update.

In the short time that I posted my original question, ive started to make some changes.

 

I found a mother's helper that starts on Monday. once a week for 3 hours. its better than nothing.

 

I also got daughter doing some of her reading lessons online through reading eggs. so she started that and teaching textbooks continues.

 

So thats that so far.

 

I hope you know that people here care about your situation, even if we're strangers.   :grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

I don't have any diagnoses, but I do have 4 kids and I've homeschooled through many chaotic days/months/years.

 

I do struggle with depression at times,

 

During these times when my vision can become a bit skewed, I depend on my dh to be truly honest with me about how it is going. Of course, he's not there all day every day, but sometimes I needed him to say, "It looks like you're in over your head again. What are three things we can cut to make it easier? What are three things I can do each day to help you?"

You sound like you have very high expectations academically of yourself and your kids. That's ok, but there;s not only an academic component to school. Theres social, mental, emotional components too. Any of those can become skewed.

 

I encourage you to find a list of "Grade level standards. " Now, I know as homeschoolers we go , "There is no behind." and "What's in a grade level" and I don't want you to use these to beat yourself up . But if you can use them as an evaluative tool "Ok, it looks like we're good in reading and writing, Our math is a bit shaky though, so we should shore those up." it might comfort you and relieve the anxiety. Remember that hsing is a marathon, not a sprint and if they take extra time to learn a particular concept, that's fine.

 

Also, find a rubric of normal childhood development to help you see your children realistically. With your issues you may not have a clear picture of childhood development and that's ok. This will help you see where your kids may nee d a little professional outside help. (again, nothing wrong with that.) These rubrics are not to be guilt inducing or something else to help you beat yourself up over.

 

Also, during this time, (pregnancy) I encourage you to regulalry use grandma's as a way to be PROACTIVE with your breaks from your kids. Your issues mean that your self care can't be neglected. Some moms can put that off during times of stress, but you can't do that. And there's nothing wrong with admitting that. So you've got mother;s helper 3 hours on Mondays. Great. If that person can't handle the bigger kids, that's fine. Use her to clean, keep an eye on littles, or fold your laundry. Also, use Grandma once or twice a month if you can. Maybe the kids need a standing "Saturday breakfast with Daddy date", where he takes them away from the house and lets you recharge. Build in those safety nets so you can do what needs to be done and cope with life. Plan these breaks and allow very little to interfere with them.

 

 

[GinaPagnato]

I am also borderline and can relate to your situation, we homeschool as well and perhaps I may be able to ask you a few further questions from someone who goes through BPD as well. 

 

Firstly I have only 1DD that I homeschool. There is absolutely no way I personally could possible homeschool more than one being BPD. This is the truth in my situation & what I know I can cope with and not cope with. 

 

I am going to throw in something completely different advice (as a BPD mother & a homeschooling mother) and something I HAVE to ask myself often. 

 

Many others have told me as well (when I have confided in my deepest darkest secret of being BPD) that I am an awesome mother and incredible homeschooler. BUT none of this counts at all if I am not providing a stable, safe home for my child to grow up in. This is what I have the most fear of God about! That when I am not stable - whether this is once a month or once every two months i HAVE to get it 2gether, because my children need to have safe stable home. It is my children's right in God's eyes to be brought up in a safe harmonious home. 

 

Many, many, many time I have failed this! People who are not BPD cannot understand what our "bad" days are like. If you have been given diagnosis of BPD then one can be honest and say our bad days are nothing like a normal functioning person's bad days - chalk and cheese. 

 

Borderline moments and breakdowns are traumatic! Even if I am having them only once a month, this is still unacceptable because again borderline breakdowns are not like "having a stressful" day. It is something far beyond that. 

 

I am also a devout Christian and borderline is like having a constant enemy that comes into my home (whether it be once a month or less) and wrecks hell inside. 

 

For me my goal as a homeschooling parent WITH BPD is:

Can I provide a home environment that is safe for my child?  Can I provide a healthy, emotionally good environment? 

 

Is there a chance that my BPD episodes push her further away from a relationship with Christ (being with me day in and day out with homeschooling) compared to being a happy health Mom, that drops her kids off at school and picks them up being a much healthier, happy peaceful Mom?  Could my BPD actually be what causes my child to completely walk away from Christ because all she may remember is stressful , ugly environment at home? 

 

These are questions I have to ask myself & not be turned aside by the good and well intended people saying that even with BPD I am still a good homeschooling parent. These people, for me, are not in my house when scary gets scary! 

 

Can I say to myself truthfully that my BPD is not causing trauma on my child, causing long term damage?

Is pursing the homeschooling dream worth it if I am destroying my child and with that my future relationship with that child?

 

I have been actively working out my triggers.  What things can cause me to have a BPD breakdown/moment. 

Are there certain times in the month that may cause a BPD episode?

 

For me going saying that the more stressful situations I am in will help me cope better with them is simply not true. If I have not come up with the skills and preparation to deal with the triggers(away from the stressful situations) then the same result will keep on happening for me. This is why DBT is so important. 

 

For me certain situations (triggers) cause the the stress resulting in a BPD moment. 

 

These are the practical things I am doing and working towards to help myself & assist in achieving my goal - creating a safe and stable environment that is joyous and fill of love & one where my husband and child don't have to walk on eggshells. 

 

 - Chilling out ALOT more than usual. Having less high standards for "expectations" of my child in school work. 

 

 - Realising that editing 1:1 with my DD on her writing drafts is a trigger

 

 - Not having DD participate in alot of extra-curriculars (the more I am driving around like a crazy woman taking my child from one activity to the next - the more stressed out I become. Being at home more, is much more healthy for me. 

 

 - BPD episodes break out in the week leading up to my period....so I am super careful during this week, to tone down my intensity & know to chill out even more about expectations and be kinder to myself. 

 

 -  Learning that how I feel is not the actual true reality of who I am. My feelings trick me and deceive me. I cannot trust them. When I feel unstable and that my world is falling apart I can choose to continue and fight through, this feeling will not last. 

 

 - Accepting that being BPD means I have issues with self-control. Lacking self -control (for me in my life) is a sinful behaviour and so I have to do everything I can to work on on this character. So I avoid situations that can trigger me. Getting into online arguing/disagreements....I have left facebook....learning to be quieter and not open my mouth as much.  Moving on from toxic relationships. 

 

 - Stopping negative thoughts. If I see someone doing something that is stupid, I am learning to keep my mouth closed and even stop thinking the negative. Direct my thoughts onto something else. Wasting less time on negativity. 

 

 - Being 100% honest with my child. " Mama is not feeling herself today, I am sorry I got frustrated or stressed out....that was not the right way to behave or the right thing to do. Please forgive me." (Then we hug and we pray, say sorry to God, ask forgiveness - and then we sit and read a book together on the couch - something that is very positive in our relationship....this helps bring the household environment back into a healthy place of peace & stability

 

 - In Homeschooling having a proper routine is very important for us. Many times DVD homeschooling has worked a treat. We use BJU DVd for science and if things got worse I would simply sign up for more DVD classes. Whatever it takes to be more peaceful and less stressful in the home. 

 

 

Having BPD is not the same as having a stressed out moment. Rage, anger, lashing out, screaming, turning into a mad person...are stereotypical of BPD...it is not simply not "coping". 

 

Someone else suggested DBT. Great advice. I personally need to look into this more, I have skirted some of it and need to start taking more control over my health & realise I can make a difference.

 

The BPD moments, once a month, for me - are still not OK - even if they are once a month. My child's safety and future emotional health is always at risk during my BPD episodes. and that must come before any homeschooling desires or plans I have. You may feel differently to me, but this is just my explanation of how I, as BPD, view my struggles. 

 

I hope that this helps in some way.

 

If it is of no help then please just dismiss, this is not meant to be "do what I say" or " my point of view is the right way to go"...it is just one other random BPD homeschooling mom's perspective. 

 

I have found a wonderful Christian blogger who also had BPD and shares her struggles and victories. Google Christian + BPD and her website/blog will come up on the first page. 

 

I wish the very best for you & understand your pain. 

May God guide you in the right direction and ease the BPD burden. 

You are welcome to message anytime. I am sure there are many things you could give me as advice.

Regards

Sherid

 

I am so incredibly impressed by you. Many, MANY props to you.

 

[ktgrok]

You also haven't mentioned what curriculum you use...that may be an easy thing to change to give you more breathing room. It's SO easy to feel you are always behind with say, Tapestry of Grace or Sonlight. Where as doing just the basics of the 3 Rs, Religion, and documentaries can give you space to think. 

[maize]

Just want to give a quick update.

In the short time that I posted my original question, ive started to make some changes.

 

I found a mother's helper that starts on Monday. once a week for 3 hours. its better than nothing.

 

I also got daughter doing some of her reading lessons online through reading eggs. so she started that and teaching textbooks continues.

 

So thats that so far.

This sounds fabulous, especially the mother's helper bit (mine came today and my kitchen is cleaner than it has been in weeks) :)

[LucyStoner]

This book of exercises and worksheets is very helpful for those with anger management, BPD, PTSD and other similar conditions.

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572245131/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1456266767&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=dbt+workbook&dpPl=1&dpID=51h8yCcWm0L&ref=plSrch

 

You might also ask your doctor about finding a DBT group or solo therapist.

[bookwormsix]

You also haven't mentioned what curriculum you use...that may be an easy thing to change to give you more breathing room. It's SO easy to feel you are always behind with say, Tapestry of Grace or Sonlight. Where as doing just the basics of the 3 Rs, Religion, and documentaries can give you space to think.

One thing I know about my daughter is she's more of a traditional learner...with grades and check marks. I am the opposite. So finding resources that are self grading....programs where she look back at progess. So any ideas about that would be great. So far we have teaching textbooks and reading eggs. These are both a new development to her HS. TT was maybe 2-3 weeks ago...and RE was yesterday.

Don't know if this is good or bad. But she's been spending hours doing lesson after lesson. Hope the novelty doesn't wear off. Maybe might make it a Monday thing. Since Mondays are a challenge here.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[historically accurate]

One thing I know about my daughter is she's more of a traditional learner...with grades and check marks. I am the opposite. So finding resources that are self grading....programs where she look back at progess. So any ideas about that would be great. So far we have teaching textbooks and reading eggs. These are both a new development to her HS. TT was maybe 2-3 weeks ago...and RE was yesterday.

Don't know if this is good or bad. But she's been spending hours doing lesson after lesson. Hope the novelty doesn't wear off. Maybe might make it a Monday thing. Since Mondays are a challenge here.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using 

 

Time4Learning.com may be a good fit for her.

[ktgrok]

Time4Learning.com may be a good fit for her.

Good suggestion!

[zoobie]

One thing I know about my daughter is she's more of a traditional learner...with grades and check marks. I am the opposite. So finding resources that are self grading....programs where she look back at progess. So any ideas about that would be great. So far we have teaching textbooks and reading eggs. These are both a new development to her HS. TT was maybe 2-3 weeks ago...and RE was yesterday.

Don't know if this is good or bad. But she's been spending hours doing lesson after lesson. Hope the novelty doesn't wear off. Maybe might make it a Monday thing. Since Mondays are a challenge here.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

 

You might want to try to limit it to a set number of lessons even if she does seem to be benefiting from it. Hours after hours may not turn out to be a good thing in the end, kwim? But yay for finding something to make a Monday better!

[bookwormsix]

You might want to try to limit it to a set number of lessons even if she does seem to be benefiting from it. Hours after hours may not turn out to be a good thing in the end, kwim? But yay for finding something to make a Monday better!

Why? Just curious.

It's reading.

The other one is straight up math. Very little bells and whistles.

I know too much screen time isn't good for developing brains. But does

That include educational/engaging software?

 

Sent from my A1-830 using Tapatalk

[GoodGrief]

Sherid, that was an incredible post. It sounds like you have already done a lot of work on yourself and developed so much insight. Thank you for sharing.

 

Edited February 24, 2016 by Gr8lander

[zoobie]

Why? Just curious.

It's reading.

The other one is straight up math. Very little bells and whistles.

I know too much screen time isn't good for developing brains. But does

That include educational/engaging software?

 

Sent from my A1-830 using Tapatalk

Some kids find screens addicting. If I let my (neurotypical, generally laid back) DS binge on computer time, he would not easily transition away from it. In a kid who's already having difficulty with flexibility and resilience or boundary issues or whatever else is happening, I would be hesitant to let her free-for-all on computer games if you don't plan on continuing that on a daily basis. My DS's behavior (again, normally mild mannered) is much, much worse when he has too much screen time. All of my kids really, but it's a marked difference in him.

[bookwormsix]

Some kids find screens addicting. If I let my (neurotypical, generally laid back) DS binge on computer time, he would not easily transition away from it. In a kid who's already having difficulty with flexibility and resilience or boundary issues or whatever else is happening, I would be hesitant to let her free-for-all on computer games if you don't plan on continuing that on a daily basis. My DS's behavior (again, normally mild mannered) is much, much worse when he has too much screen time. All of my kids really, but it's a marked difference in him.

OK thanks.

 

 

Sent from my A1-830 using Tapatalk

[Analystgirl]

I know this is going to be hard to read, but take it from me. You have a chance to save your family from what mine went through. My mother was BPD and homeschooled us. She was not outwardly suicidal, did not fly into stereotypical 'rages', and did not commit any atrocities towards us. Unfortunately though, my sister and I are deeply deeply scarred by the way we were raised- with limited exposure to the world/society (we had little in common with other kids, struggled to make friends, were sometimes bullied), suspicions of others as evil and overpowering,lack of structure, routine and measurable learning outcomes, and YES, the emotional legacy of a BPD mother. This was magnified by the continuous exposure of homeschooling and the lack of access to neurotypical role models. My sister has BPD too, and has attempted suicide more than once. I suffer from anxiety and acted in much the way your older daughter does. I have done well in life, and have an MA, and am married with 2 kids, but I can barely tolerate my mother and the way she made me feel about myself. In your posts and comments you sound exactly like her- even in your response to the bluntness of some replies. You can avoid the outcome my mother has had. She is a caring, helpful person, not a monster, but her lack of boundaries between herself and her kids, her projection of her needs and experiences onto us (one example where uou are doing this may be your bad public school experience), her fears of corruption and influences, rather than trusting her children's own discernment, her need to cling to and control us, has unfortunately both hurt and alienated her children. Seriously. Get help NOW. Oh and school is awesome. When I finally went, I realized I was a normal person, not a troubled, undiagnosed SOMETHING. My mom used to speculate that I was autistic or disturbed when she didn't know I could hear her. I didn't even need to hear her though, I knew from the way she treated me that she thought I was defective.

 

You may think this is some massive projection and maybe it is, but I have read this whole thread thoroughly and can see that your life nay be headed on exactly the same path as my family's. It's taken me 28 YEARS to realize I'm not broken, to held my head up, to speak to strangers to dare to have opinions, to trust what I see and feel. Don't do this to your daughter. Look up BPD and the "no good" child. Read "peaceful parents, happy kids". Be brave and change your situation.

[Melissa in Australia]

This thread is a year old