5yo just said, "All the crying's stressing me out!"

[Aubrey]

I've been sitting here for 2 days just staring at the screen. The dc watched 3 movies last night because...I just couldn't deal w/...anything. I went to bed at 8, right after dh got home & I'd fed baby.

 

What's wrong? I was having a hard time getting things done, but w/ our new nap sched, things seem better. Weekends are still hard, but I think that can be true for anyone.

 

Dh & I stayed up late night before last, talking about...well...stuff from when I was a kid. Bad timing, really. Anyway, he told me before we went to bed that he was going to skip his morning classes the next day. Just to be sure I was ok.

 

I don't think I really needed him to, but it sure made me feel loved, kwim?

 

Then he woke me up that AM, telling me that neighbor needed someone to watch her kid. He said he'd do it. We spent the morning arguing about that. Not really arguing, just...I felt like he was judging me for not wanting to do it. Not that I said no, you understand.

 

Then he wanted to talk about this conference he has to attend for school. The schedule wasn't as easy to work out as he'd hoped: he's going to have to work late every night between now & then in order to attend it. It's in the eve, so we won't see him then, either.

 

1yo started screaming about something, & I just couldn't think about the sched while ignoring her, etc. He wanted it to work out easily. You know how it is. It escalated, but before he left for school, he apologized. Not a big deal normally, kwim? I mean, my feelings were hurt, but he said he was wrong, & really, it was fine when he left.

 

He reiterated how wrong he was, etc. when he came home. I just want to give a clear picture of what a good guy he is. I shouldn't be upset any more.

 

But it's hard for him to be gone every night until bedtime. It's hard not to have a car while he's gone. Since I didn't see him last night & he's working late tonight, it's going to be days before we can talk about anything. And if we do, then it will be all intense & probably hormonal, & then it will be another couple of days before I get a chance to feel like I've seen him again.

 

On top of that, I haven't done school w/ the dc in days. One day, I decided to skip coffee. :lol: The next, it was this. Today? I've *already* given up. Ds did a 5min ADDITION drill in 30 min. (He can long divide & do basic algebra.) He wasn't *really* dawdling that much. Some. But mostly, he doesn't know his facts, & we wouldn't know if he did, because there are just too many distractions. And sometimes, I take that fact out on him. We're both frustrated.

 

I think 1yo needs...day care or preschool or something. And I feel SO guilty for that! I think dh needs to do seminary online, & we need to move in w/ his parents while he does. We'd have virtually no bills, we'd see them more often again, scary uncle would be out of the picture, & dh would be an hr closer to work. So we'd actually see him.

 

He said last night that he'd quit seminary if he needed to. He was talking about a prof who'd described that AM all the families who implode every semester. Iow, he was talking theoretically, saying he wouldn't let that happen to us. I didn't have the heart to tell him that if we needed him to quit, he'd never see it on his own.

 

Honestly, the problem isn't that he isn't here enough. I don't think. It's that he's not *here* when he's here. And sometimes he tries too hard to make up for that. And it feels like he rarely really listens. So he's busy trying to solve the problems he *can* see and the ones he imagines w/out knowing what the problems are. Kwim?

 

I've been thinking this AM...if I were single, living like this...it's so much better than if I had to try to work. Why can't I just be grateful for what we've got? That I'm able to be home w/ the dc? That there's plenty of food? That someone loves me? If I could just lower my expectations to what they'd be if I were, say, widowed, then this life looks GREAT. I'm working on it. :D Not feeling so hopeful today, though. :001_huh: More passive-aggressive than hopeful, lol.

 

Thanks for listening.

[Pink Fairy]

:grouphug: Having a new baby and all the fun hormonal things that go along with it can add to the fun too! Praying for your peace and your family's peace. :grouphug:

[Jami]

:grouphug: ((Aubrey))

 

No wise advice. Just a hug.

 

Is there a day you have the car and can get out? Want to trek up this way for an afternoon? Friday's good if you have wheels. Wish I had something more useful to offer for advice.... Or if it would help more, you can bring yours up and drop them off for awhile. Go to Panera by yourself or The Book Cover...?? Would that help???

 

Jami

[Heather in the Kootenays]

Honestly, the problem isn't that he isn't here enough. I don't think. It's that he's not *here* when he's here. And sometimes he tries too hard to make up for that. And it feels like he rarely really listens. So he's busy trying to solve the problems he *can* see and the ones he imagines w/out knowing what the problems are. Kwim?

 

Thanks for listening.

 

No advice but I do know exactly what you mean. :grouphug:

[amyable]

:grouphug::grouphug: No great advice either, just hugs and stories of BTDT.

[lighthouseacademy]

:grouphug: put your feet up with a nice cup of red raspberry leaf tea. Let the kids play legos and build forts and don't worry about it. I hear you on the not seeing dh is ROUGH. We are right in the middle of it. Hang in there. Your kids will learn even if you are getting back from having a baby and letting them play.

[Scarlett]

Yikes Aubrey. Now I feel terrible for telling you *I* would have kept the neighbor girl.

 

It has been a long time since I had a new baby. 8.5 years. And I certainly have never had 4 kids. From your description though I would say you are having a really rough time. I can see, from afar, that 'this too shall pass', but I suspect you really need some practical ideas right now. The one that keeps popping into my mind is 'get out of the apartment.' Are you doing that? I bet that is easier said than done with 4 kids...Do you have a double stroller to put the babies in and let the two olders walk? Do you have someone who can come sit with the older 3 while you take the baby....somewhere? Even Wal-Mart might be refreshing....

 

I wish you lived in my city....I would help you. :grouphug:

 

Oh and don't worry about the impression you are giving of your dh. He sounds lovely...very normal...which is sometimes NOT what moms of new babies exactly need, right?

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

Pheww.....I feel for you, Aubrey. Postpartum issues along w/ the other things can be so overwhelming. May the Lord bathe you in His love and peace as you ride the wave. I say suspend all difficult operations around the house at this time and either take a nap or sit and rest with your babies. Blessings.

[Kalypso]

I can really relate to everything you have said in this post. As young as your kids are, I would let school go for awhile. You are in survival mode right now. It is going to get easier, but unfortunately, no one can give you a date as to when that will happen. When I had #5, I felt like everything around here fell apart. It peaked when she was about 5 months. She wouldn't sleep unless I was holding her. One day I looked at my kids and told them to put all their books away because we weren't doing school until the baby started taking naps without me holding her. It was a 2 month break, but I'm so glad I realized I had reached the end. The break did not hinder their schooling at all.

 

Do try to get all the rest you can, and if possible, get out of the house alone for awhile - even if it is only for a walk around the block when dh is home.

 

Your dh's long hours are hard - especially when it means no relief for you at the end of the evening. Unfortunately, I have no advice here because I am dealing with this right now, too. You have a lot on your mind right now. Just take it one day at a time. Emotions and hormones can really get in the way. Things will hopefully settle down soon, and you will be able to handle all of these things better.

 

I, too, wonder why I complain about things when I have 5 healthy children, a decent home, plenty of food and a dh who loves me. It's got to be the hormones.

 

Hang in there. :grouphug:

[Unicorn.]

BTDT. When our dc were babies/toddlers/preschoolers, dh was coaching. We saw him 2 weeks in December, and about 4 weeks in the summer. Every morning he was up and gone before the kids and I were awake. At night he was home after they were in bed. It was awful! It was hard. On me. On the dc. On him. He finally quit coaching to be a dad when the youngers were in K.

 

Seminary won't last forever. You will have your dh back eventually. In the meantime, if it would help to move in w/ his parents, then make him understand that. Also, your oldest is only 7. It won't hurt to slow down/ take a break, do school once or twice a week, or whatever it is you need to do for you. Keep school to the very basic stuff (ok, read math, reading) for awhile. Get on the floor, play w/ the dc, take naps. Read, play games, etc. but don't worry about formal school for a while. Give yourself a chance to recoup- You just had a baby!

 

Oh, and I'm sending you lots of these ((((Aubrey))))

[Aunty Social]

.

[sleepy]

oh, sweetie... :grouphug:

 

I have been in a similar place (emotionally). Raising four young children is hard. I have no great pearls of wisdom, but I'm totally trackin' your vibe. :grouphug:

[Aubrey]

It sounds like you need some time to spend with your dh and remember you are still the people you fell in love with. Is there any possible way you can squeeze even an hour alone together? It also sounds like mommy needs some time to focus on her needs! You probably want to fall into bed once the kiddos are asleep, but maybe you should take a little time and pamper yourself. A bubble bath, cup of tea, good book...and maybe another cup of teA;)

Both these things always worked (and still do) for us when we were/are going through times like this.

 

Mil actually came out on Sat & stayed w/ the dc while dh & I went to lunch. We argued so much (about stupid stuff--he wanted to buy chili pepper fabric to make a baby blanket out of!) that it was...not great.

 

We pulled into the parking lot of our apt complex, & he said, "I had a great time w/ you today." I looked at him to see if he was joking!

 

And teA is part of the problem. He has low T, so his drive is nearly non-existent. Times like this, it's an exacerbated issue.

 

________________________

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. I took the dc out after posting & just sat. I think we probably need to talk at some point, but until then...well, the weather's nice out!

[PinkInTheBlue]

Aubrey, I so understand! I remember sitting in orientation for seminary and the president said the traditional "Look to your left and your right. At least one of you will be gone before the year is over." The other number I can't remember for certain but the statistics he gave of the numbers of marriages that will end and the number of affairs that occur were staggering! It's an outrageous situation for marriages and families to be in. The stress is just over the top crazy!

 

One day at a time, outreach to other seminary families going through similar situations and as much honest talking you possibly can with dh is the only advice I can give. Oh, and much :grouphug: s !

[Lovedtodeath]

((((((((((((Aubrey))))))))))))

 

Are you getting any sleep? Too too little can really make everything harder to handle.

I sent DD to school for a few months when Jake was a baby. Now we barely get between a K-1 schedule done, most days. I have half as many kids!

 

How you are feeling is perfectly understandable.

 

I can really relate to everything you have said in this post. As young as your kids are, I would let school go for awhile. You are in survival mode right now. It is going to get easier

 

Do try to get all the rest you can, and if possible, get out of the house alone for awhile - even if it is only for a walk around the block when dh is home.

 

Also, your oldest is only 7. It won't hurt to slow down/ take a break, Give yourself a chance to recoup- You just had a baby!

 

:iagree: These are some great quotes!

 

Seminary won't last forever. You will have your dh back eventually. In the meantime, if it would help to move in w/ his parents, then make him understand that.

 

:iagree: Yes, find a way to tell him, even if it needs to be in writing or on the phone.

[Tree House Academy]

Gosh, I have stood in your shoes and still do at times. My husband is a work-a-holic and became so AFTER we got married. He feels 100% responsible for our family financially (which he is) and he will have it no other way. But, I often feel like he gives his heart and soul to his job instead of to us, his family, even when he is here. We talk about it, and through the years, things have slowly gotten better. We still have rough times, but, for the most part, he tries. Hard. And I see that in him.

 

Now, shall I state the obvious or is it just to blatent? You are depressed, my dear. Call it postpartum, or hormones, or what have you, but it sounds like depression to me. Not wanting to get up and do your normal daily activities is red flag #1. And I should well know since I had no idea what depression even WAS until I had my second child and now I have been depressed on and off for the last 6 years. When I feel myself not wanting to clean my house, letting the kids irritate me way more than normal, crying for no reason (and I am not typically a crier), feeling like I have no one to connect to, almost like my husband has abandoned me...I know I am getting there again. The depression is taking hold of me. And when it does, I have to sever the grip it has on me and fast...because I sink pretty quickly once it starts. I have taken medication - mostly Lexapro - but I only do it when I need it desperately and then I go back off of it. The longest I have ever taken it is about 4 months. Ususally it is not even that long.

 

I guess what I am getting at here is that, even though this is probably postpartum still, a year is a long time to feel sad and you may need help feeling better. There is no shame in helping yourself - and rediscovering who YOU are in the process. I wish you all the best. I have been where you are - still go there occasionally and it is a sad, lonely, and totally not fun place to be. :( *hugs* to you!

[Lovedtodeath]

Is the little one still one month? Seems like it has been longer than that. If you want to pursue this depression idea, consider fish oil. It always helps me. Pregnancy and b-feeding depletes your body of the nutrients you need in Fish oil. Studies have shown it improves mood in post-partum women.

[cathmom]

I think our babies were born around the same time, and I just wanted to say that some days it's just really hard! I mean, really really hard!

 

:grouphug:

[Parrothead]

((((Hugs))))

 

I really think you need to cut school down to nothing for a while. Once you get your feet back under you, slowly start with reading and math. Or if you really feel the need to do something for school, have your oldest read aloud to the middle two, call it school and be done with it.

 

I know you live in an apartment. Is your building in a neighborhood where you can walk? Put the babies in the stroller, make the other two hold on to the stroller and take a 20 minute walk as often as you can. The exercise will get those endorphins flowing so you feel better. If taking the kids with you isn't doable, have dh watch them for 20 minutes and walk around the building. If you dont' feel secure walking alone at night take a drive, turn up the music and enjoy.

 

Make sure you are eating as balanced a diet as you can. Are you still taking prenatal vitamins? If you aren't start taking them or some kind of multi-vitimin.

 

I know where you are coming from with the low T. That can be aggravating and a bit damaging to the ego. Try hard to remember it isn't you.

 

I think at some point soon, you need some type of daily schedule to get you focused too. If the kids learn that B comes after A then C is next they will know what is expected and when. I know it is hard to schedule an infant, but the other ones are old enough to work with one.

 

Good luck.

[PeterPan]

Aubrey, you ought to totally take off school from now until January. Absolutely positively don't even try, not anything! Your oldest is only 7, and it's just not that important. Turn on PBS, get some books on tape, rest a lot and lock them in safe places to play. Just survive.

 

No I wouldn't have watched the neighbor's kid, and not only that, but I would have called the woman out and very firmly explained why and suggested she never ask my dh anything again that is work *I* would end up doing. She was way out of line. She'll get over the irate call and learn her lesson too. I've finally learned that letting my dh push me into something when it's beyond what I can handle always turns out badly, even when he can't see it in advance. It's not good submission to let an unobservant husband push you into a problem. I'd have called the woman and said not to send over the kid under any circumstances.

 

Not to be contradictory, but moving in with the inlaws would have its problems too. But getting closer to his work, that would help. Can he do correspondence courses for a semester and put his regular classes on hold?

 

Truly, you're not wonder woman, only human. Let the homeschooling ride for a few months. That 7 yo will still learning without you doing a single thing, honest!

[Remudamom]

I think Rebecca and lots of the others are right. You sound depressed, and that's completely expected after a baby.

 

I never had ppd, but I sure believe it's a real thing, and you either need to get something to help you, or shake things up yourself.

 

How about your friend? You need someone IRL to help YOU. Where's your mom?

[Mom2boys]

Aubrey, you ought to totally take off school from now until January. Absolutely positively don't even try, not anything! Your oldest is only 7, and it's just not that important. Turn on PBS, get some books on tape, rest a lot and lock them in safe places to play. Just survive.

 

 

Truly, you're not wonder woman, only human. Let the homeschooling ride for a few months. That 7 yo will still learning without you doing a single thing, honest!

 

:iagree:

 

If you really feel like you must keep up some kind of lessons, then I suggest "Home Ec". Teach them how to sweep the floor, clean the toilet, fold the laundry, and make a sandwich.

 

:grouphug:

[Aubrey]

We're doing school for less than 3 hrs a day, & really--it's the hilight of my day. Giving that little bit up would make my existence right now feel pretty futile.

 

Since cutting dd back to 1 nap/day, things have been much smoother. We go out every morning for an hr or 2 between lunch & b'fast. After lunch, dd goes down, & the olders do sch. Which is basically sitting at the dining table or on the sofa w/ a cup of coffee & a good book. Something to talk about, you know.

 

Anyway, dh & I talked last night. It seemed to go well. Until it was going well enough that we took a detour to discuss Augustine's theory of the Prime Mover. Dh ended up on the sofa. I know that sounds funny... it is, really...but...it turned into one of the biggest fights of our whole marriage. LOL (I mean, you have to laugh, right? When you're done crying?)

 

The funny thing is, we had a similar argument when we were engaged. About the nature of Truth. It was SO BAD, I almost called off the wedding. Luckily, we got it worked out. We'd failed to define terms. :lol:

 

This will be ok, too, & we will laugh about it, but... whew, I'm tired right now. We fought over the sofa. Because neither of us would "take" the bed.

 

I know y'all are going to have to really work to reply w/ a straight face. Or count your blessings that this is a virtual conversation, so I can't see you laughing. But I can HEAR you, so keep it to a low chuckle, ok?

[8filltheheart]

Aubrey,

 

Do you have any IRL friends close by? Is there any way for you to get involved in anything outside the 4 walls of your apartment? Anything??

 

I am thinking in terms of having a friend come over, someone who might have a large enough car to pick you and kiddos up and take them somewhere, walk to a park, go to the library for story hour.....something?

 

From this side of the screen it seems like the biggest problem of all is that you feel trapped and controlled by the situation. I am not sure the situation is the problem as much as you not having any control over it.

 

Is there anyway for your dh to car pool, be driven to a public transportation location.....something one or two days per week so that you have a car during those days. You take ownership over those days and do what you have planned.

 

I would work more on having flexibility in how things are managed on a daily basis.....and part of that flexibility may be your dh having to be less than satisfied with his transportation situation.

[Liz Mc in SC]

:grouphug: I have no great words of wisdom, but after reading your post the words of a friend of mine came to mind. When we get in that place were we think we should be feeling a certian way, grateful etc. Where life should be this or our out look should be that -- then we need to take a step back cause as she would say "we can end up shouldda-ing all over ourselves" :D

 

Acceptance of what life is and how you are feeling today and saying it's okay that life is this way right now and you feel this way right now --but knowing that it won't be this way forever always helps me. That way I'm not down on myself for feeling down -- if that makes any sense at all.

 

Be as kind as you can to yourself today -- try to live in the present, not thinking of all that went on yesterday or what may or may not happen in the future. Just right now. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Aubrey]

Depression: Honestly, I think I'm just having a rough time w/ dh. I don't expect it to last.

 

But dh did spend several hrs the other night explaining how my dad threatening me whenever I cried as a child has made me not only afraid to show emotion but also unable to accept it in others. Esp dd. He convinced me that my grfather treated my dad the same way. That the dc would end up being the same way if I didn't deal w/ it.

 

And last night was the anniversary of my dad's death. I did sit by myself in the kitchen floor, crying over the stupid Augustine argument. Thinking how od'ing on pills would probably just have horrible effect on my milk. Among other things.

 

As far as the car goes, dh is a courier (sp?), & he has to have the car. It's too sm for the dc, anyway. We do have the other one that someone gave us, but upon learning that it has no speedometer or gas guage, among other things, I...don't feel safe driving it, kwim? In an emergency, it's here.

 

There are several other women here. We take our dc out to play at the same times, generally, so I'm not completely isolated.

[PeterPan]

Aubrey, I've got a story for you. I'm not even sure where I heard it, but I sure think about it a lot. It was something to the effect that these two people were married for many years, never fought, and one day someone (the dh?) was asking the wife the reason for her success. The wife quietly went to the back room and got out a cigar box. A cigar box? Yup, it was filled with cash and a few little dolls. Dh asked what the dolls were for, and she said that her mother had taught her to sew a little doll every time she got mad at her husband. Well that made the man very proud, seeing only two dolls there! Then he asked about the money, to which she informed him that was the money she made selling all the rest!!!

 

Hehehe... I know things are topsy turvy right now, but maybe just decide not to fight, discuss, or even have intelligent conversation. Just walk away from it. Maybe he's the stronger right now and needs to do that for you, or maybe you're the stronger and can do it for him. But somebody has to in marraige when you don't feel well and things are tight.

 

Are you eating a large fresh salad daily and a bowl of fresh fruit? Are you taking any vitamins? You've had two babies close together and that's really draining on your body. Nuts, one baby is draining on the body, let alone two a year apart! That's how my thyroid crashed, with all that drain, so you really want to take care of yourself and refill the bucket. My nutritionist was just telling me after the baby is born she's going to put me on Bee Pollen and Royal Jelly, both of which are supplements just packed with lots of enzymes and nutrients and things to pick up your energy. I'm religious, absolutely religious, about my salad and fruit and find they help a lot too. Coffee is sort of the opposite, a withdrawal that never makes a deposit. How about warm, caffeine free tea and a bowl of fruit instead? The littles can bring the fruit and the 7 yo can wash it and get it ready. If you buy frozen blueberries (yum!), they can rinse them and arrange them on a plate all pretty and ready to go. Or put the fruit on some yogurt. Bet you could kill a whole hour having them help make a fruit salad and then eating it together. In the morning we eat bananas and dried fruit, and in the afternoon and evening we eat regular fruit (oranges, pears, blueberries, cherries, etc.). Told you we eat a lot of fruit! But it's really good for your energy, rebuilding your body (enzyme levels, bowel function, etc.), etc.

 

Take care of yourself girlfriend. I know that would take a lot of time to make those foods I suggested, but it would help and would be the Home Ec Greta was talking about. Your littles can bring the veges and wash them. A 7 yo can rip lettuce and put it in the bowl or even pluck the stems off spinach. If you buy cherry tomatoes, there's no prep to those, just wash. If you get a lettuce knife or a very dull paring or chefs knife, your 7 yo is old enough to cut things. Mine has been making salad for a couple years, and that's how I started her out, with her own, kid-safe or kid-size tools. They sell these little paring knives in packs 2 for a $1 that work great for little kids. Put them to work taking care of you! And absolutely it would be nice if someone were there taking care of you, but I assume that isn't a possibility, since you don't have it?

[PeterPan]

Thinking how od'ing on pills would probably just have horrible effect on my milk. Among other things.

 

 

Aubrey, if you're having thoughts like that, it's a big clue your thyroid is low. It's normal for it to go low post-partum, but not to stay low. You need to really watch it. It's not that you're being "bad," but those are the types of thoughts that go through your head with the depression and negativity of low thyroid. Let's just say I've been there, and it totally turned around with meds. (thyroid meds) If you haven't been low all along and you think it's going to bounce back, eat the salad, eat your fruit, take some kelp capsules daily (feeds the thyroid). Lots of women have their thyroid crash post-partum when they weren't low before and then it stays low. You really want to watch it. Pregnancy is such a huge drain on us!

[Tammyla]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[3lilreds in NC]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I have been there with the husband post-partum. It really stinks. I'm so sorry, honey. I wish I could be there to support you IRL because I really do identify.

 

You're in such a tough place with dh in seminary and all those itty bits running around in your apartment. I could see moving back in with the ILs being a good thing for you right now. I know you've done it before and no one died. ;) I hope your dh will consider it.

 

Is online seminary a possibility? Could he really do that? Because if he could, and it would allow him to be home more, that would be AWESOME. I know when I had the 2 babies, it helped a lot just to know dh was in the house, even if he was working and couldn't really help me much.

 

I have no great words of wisdom, dear one, but I am praying for your comfort and peace.

[sdWTMer]

Perhaps moving in with your parents would be a good idea for a time!

[sleepy]

Thinking how od'ing on pills would probably just have horrible effect on my milk. Among other things.

 

 

Aubrey. This really worries me. Please make an appointment with your doctor and tell him/her how you have been feeling. Pretty please, with sugar on top. Seriously. :grouphug:

[Lovedtodeath]

It's strange that so many have different ideas because when I read what Aubrey is going through I think, "Isn't that how it always is for the first 2 months?" My life is barely surviving and being miserable doing it, after having a baby.

[PeterPan]

It's strange that so many have different ideas because when I read what Aubrey is going through I think, "Isn't that how it always is for the first 2 months?" My life is barely surviving and being miserable doing it, after having a baby.

 

No, having dangerous or scary thoughts post-partum is not normal or acceptable. Being tired is one thing, but when your mind starts doing stuff like that, it's not right. When my thyroid went low post-partum, I would have scary thoughts like that and it was like she's describing. I would see a knife and wonder what it would be like if it slit my wrists and I bled to death. I'd be driving along and wonder what it would be like if I crashed in the ditch or ran over the berm. It's SO not cool, and it's not a choice. (And it's so totally not the kind of stuff you talk about, which is why I feel weird saying it here.) There was nothing even wrong with my life and I wasn't "depressed" emotionally. (nothing I was sad or frustrated about) But my body was so down and carrying my thoughts with it into strange lands. Once Aubrey started describing those feelings, that's out of the range of acceptable normal.

 

Just because it's COMMON doesn't mean it's healthy, acceptable, or normal. You can bet we'll be watching me pretty hard post-partum to make sure it doesn't happen again.

[gandpsmommy]

:grouphug: I'm thinking of you today, I wish I had wise words to share, but all I have is empathy. I know what you mean about wishing you could appreciate what you have. I struggle with that, too. I only have two kiddos, and they're pretty self-sufficient these days, but my dh works long hours, and I can relate to some of the emotions I hear coming through your post. I wish I lived near you so that I could help. I agree that it would be good for you if you could get out of the apartment. We only had one car for the first 11 months of dd's life, which dh needed to drive to work. It made such a huge difference in my emotional life when we were able to buy a second car and dd and I could get out once in awhile to play at the park, run errands, or go to the library. I'm hoping that peace will find it's way to your family in the midst of all the change and stress. Just know that lots of us are thinking of you and hoping for good things. :grouphug:

[Scarlett]

No, having dangerous or scary thoughts post-partum is not normal or acceptable. Being tired is one thing, but when your mind starts doing stuff like that, it's not right.

 

Just because it's COMMON doesn't mean it's healthy, acceptable, or normal. You can bet we'll be watching me pretty hard post-partum to make sure it doesn't happen again.

 

I agree. I think each added birth increases those feelings in women prone to have them. I have only one child. I dont remember anything even remotely like what she is describing. The worst I can remember is 2 weeks after ds was born, I was in the garage doing laundry and a spider got on me and I totally flipped out. I ran back into the kitchen and sat in the floor and sobbed. Dh was....clueless. He raised his eyebrows at me. I'm not even afraid of spiders! I realized shortly after that though that I was just exhausted and the stupid spider pushed me over the edge. But still and yet that is nothing like what Aubrey is going through.

 

I think the biggest risk factor for you Aubrey is having 2 so close together. And being alone so much of the time...and having 4 all together...you have a lot on your plate and if on top of that something like your thyroid is whacked things could spin out of control quickly. I do hope you will talk to your doctor as frankly as you talk to us. :grouphug:

[Tree House Academy]

Did you perhaps mean Aristotle's Prime Mover? I wasn't aware that was a brain child of Augustine, but I could so be wrong!

 

(okay, so I laughed just a little bit. That will definitely be a story to tell the grandkids...the night grandpa slept on the couch over the prime mover. You remain unmoved, yet, there he is, sleeping on the couch. Of course, then you could delve into the series of events that caused him to move to the couch and perhaps come up with a years long story where it is discovered that this was all in God's plan from the beginning. ;) LOL - I so enjoyed this in college.)

Edited September 27, 2008 by Tree House Academy

[gardening momma]

Depression: Honestly, I think I'm just having a rough time w/ dh. I don't expect it to last.

 

Thinking how od'ing on pills would probably just have horrible effect on my milk. Among other things.

 

Yes, Aubrey, yes, this does sound like post partum depression to me. That is the kind of thought that would pop into my head... http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=58516&highlight=partum