Janie Grace Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Did you have any special programs? I just remembered that when I was in 6th grade, the guidance office at my middle school had a "children of divorce group." We met once every couple of weeks and talked about our feelings, I guess... I barely remember it. But it felt kinda cool to be in a club, being the uncool kid that I was. :001_huh: It felt like divorce was a crazy fad, I remember. When my parents split up in 1st grade, I only knew one other kid with divorced parents. Then my friend up the street who copied everything I did told me HER parents were splitting up (of course, I thought!)... by middle school it felt like half of my friends' parents had split. I guess it was the era of no-fault divorce and no one had realized that divorce is super damaging for kids. It feels like people are more circumspect now, though I am not sure if that's true statistically. Anyway, did YOU have a special divorce club? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 No club! But I'd say at least 80% of parents amongst my friends were divorced. It was more unusual for parents to still be together! I graduated in '01. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 When my folks divorced I was literally the only one in my class who had divorced parents. It was another aspect of the horridness of it. According to my dad, I was the first child in my home state to be allowed to stay with their father when the mother wanted custody. I've no idea if that was true or not, but it wouldn't surprise me. I guess you said 80s. My parents divorced in 1978 - merely a month after we took a family trip together to San Diego. My sister and I often lamented that that trip was the last one we ever got to take together as a family. Family trips had been a larger part of our life. Tons of not-so-fun reminiscing. I've forgotten so much of my past, but there are some pretty solid memories of those times. :cursing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted January 4, 2016 Author Share Posted January 4, 2016 When my folks divorced I was literally the only one in my class who had divorced parents. It was another aspect of the horridness of it. According to my dad, I was the first child in my home state to be allowed to stay with their father when the mother wanted custody. I've no idea if that was true or not, but it wouldn't surprise me. I guess you said 80s. My parents divorced in 1978 - merely a month after we took a family trip together to San Diego. My sister and I often lamented that that trip was the last one we ever got to take together as a family. Family trips had been a larger part of our life. Tons of not-so-fun reminiscing. I've forgotten so much of my past, but there are some pretty solid memories of those times. :cursing: Mine split in '81. I was definitely unusual, but by middle/high school, I wasn't anymore. Do you remember that (more and more parents splitting)? I remember my dad leaving right before Halloween but coming back for photos with us on Halloween night. It's probably the last "family event" he was a part of. I don't know how you dealt with being separated from your sister. My sister (secrets codes, commiserating) is the only way I stayed almost sane. I'm so sorry for that awful part of your story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 No, nothing special for kids of divorce. It was pretty common where I grew up, particularly in my family. (Not one of my mother's 6 siblings remained married) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoutingmom Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Well, I don't qualify.... my parents split January 1st, 1976. My sister lived with Mom. My 2 brothers lived with Dad. I lived with Dad during custody battle, than lived with Mom. No groups, no clubs. We were first kids of divorce in our school... (but probably not whenI moved...). I remember one girl that had been nasty too me. 2 years after the split (about a month before the custody change) my teacher asked me to be nice and help her out because her parents had just seperated.... I don't think I said anything to her. Sent from my SM-T530NU using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Yes, more split up later on - in high school etc. It seemed to become more of a fad. Sometimes I was chosen to talk with other kids one on one to give them someone to confide in, but not terribly often. I seriously need to get off these threads - at least for now. They're conjuring up too many old/bad memories and my boys are still here. I don't like being caught in my past much anyway, but esp when I'm not alone in my cave. The divorce did teach me one thing. I handle all sorts of bad things best alone and really resist letting others into my cave during those times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 No club, no. I don't think I'd heard of divorce until my parents'. I was young (6ish). And my friends' parents didn't go on to divorce, either, now that I think of it--at least in the next several years when I lived in the same area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Nothing special. Just a lot of f-ed up friends who were in the same boat as me :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 nope, no 'club'. But everyone I knew had divorced parents. I remember thinking dh was a freak when I found out his parents were still married, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Hubby did have such a group in elementary school. This was probably 1982 or so. It is actually one memory he always brings up when talking about the divorce. It made it worse for him to be pulled out of class for this. He was the oldest in the class and one of the first with divorced parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 My elementary school had a support group called "Banana Splits" for kids with divorced parents. I have no idea what they talked about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Nope. I don't remember anything like that. I do remember a self empowerment class called "I can" but it had nothing to do with divorce. My parents split up for several years in the mid 80s. Then go back together. Then split up in the late 80s for a year or so. Then my mom came back to nurse my dad when he had cancer, she stayed until he died. I think her coming back had more to do with getting the house, instead of caring for him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnE-girl Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 There was a group in my small Catholic elementary school. I think it was called Rainbows or something like that. Only one or two of my classmates were pulled out to go to meetings that I remember. This was the late 80s and early 90s. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TianXiaXueXiao Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 I had a wonderful stepdad who came into the picture at age 5 and I never knew my biodad really but the wounds of abandonment were there, nonetheless. Not a special club but we all definitely gravitated toward each other in high school. I think we were what might have affectionately been referred to as "the losers." I wouldn't want my teenager to hang with my teenager self! :( 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 My dad left in the fall of 1979, a month before my birth. The divorce was finalized in March 1981. I knew no one else with divorced parents growing up until my best friend's mom and dad got separated whe we were I fourth grade. But her mom left for her boss, so she was remarried as soon as the divorce was final, whereas my mom never even dated. I felt very stigmatized growing up with just a mom. My friends' parents seemed to be suspicious of our situation. And I was very jealous of people who had stay-at-home moms. But to answer the question, no, no club. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 There was one at my school! And I remember I was going to get to join it... but then we moved. I also sort of felt like it was suddenly everyone at one point. But now that I'm at that stage of marriage... it again feels a bit like a fad. I think it's just something that happens to a lot of people at a certain age/stage of marriage. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 We had a group at my elementary school that met about once a week. I think it was optional. It got me out of class (probably something important that I'm still not good at). There were not many kids of divorce in my elementary school. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 It's amazing how much things have changed. I remember my mother used to be terrible about divorced people; she referred to the kids as "children from broken homes" and thought it was preferable for me to play with the non-broken kids! I don't think she was that unusual either, as there was still a widespread stigma. I had one friend whose father had left (not sure whether divorced or separated) but the mother tried to pretend he was still around for years afterwards - he always just happened to be busy or away so that nobody ever saw him. I never guessed that he'd actually gone until my mother mentioned it much later. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 No club, my parents split in 92. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3 ladybugs Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 No club. Parents split in 1986, divorced in 1987, remarried (to other people) in 1987 and early 1988. Neither are still married to them now. I can't think of many friends that were not from broken homes in school. We even had the kids where the parents divorced and families got a huge piece of land and the other parents were not allowed on it. My grandparents on my father's side divorced in the early 1960's. Dad didn't see his dad again till he was 18. My mother's grandparents got a divorce in the 1930's. In fact my grandfather dated my great grandmother before marrying my grandmother! Yep I am the grandchild/great grandchild of the Graduate! Though it was set in the middle of WWII Seattle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 My parents split in 1974. I was the only child of divorced parents that I knew. Maybe there were others, but it was not something one shouted about. I knew of one family where the parents argued constantly (shotgun wedding after 16yo got pregnant) but they weren't divorced. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 No, we didn't have a club. My parents must have divorced around 1984 I guess. I was the first among my friends to have divorced parents, although one of my good friends had a father who lived separately (and although I had no idea until I was an adult had a whole different family.) But other divorces followed fairly soon after that. By the time I was in middle school, I'd say about half the families had divorces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 No, and I am not aware of one now at my kids' school, but my older son was in the military group while my husband was deployed, and ate lunch with the military group and a counselor twice a month, and I have a really good impression of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Did you have any special programs? I just remembered that when I was in 6th grade, the guidance office at my middle school had a "children of divorce group." We met once every couple of weeks and talked about our feelings, I guess... I barely remember it. But it felt kinda cool to be in a club, being the uncool kid that I was. :001_huh: It felt like divorce was a crazy fad, I remember. When my parents split up in 1st grade, I only knew one other kid with divorced parents. Then my friend up the street who copied everything I did told me HER parents were splitting up (of course, I thought!)... by middle school it felt like half of my friends' parents had split. I guess it was the era of no-fault divorce and no one had realized that divorce is super damaging for kids. It feels like people are more circumspect now, though I am not sure if that's true statistically. Anyway, did YOU have a special divorce club? The social science research actually shows that it's not divorce that's super damaging for kids--it's fighting, contention, and broken-ness between parents. Amicable, calm divorces with both parents staying involved in the kids' lives and making a plan for them do not damage kids as much as situations in which embattled or embittered parents "stay together for the sake of the kids." Which is what my parents did. And they should have divorced when I was about 12. They would have been happier people and, therefore, better parents if they had. They finally divorced when my younger sisters were 18 and I was 21. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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