SKL Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Traditions! We love them, but dare break one ... I like to travel. I like to take my kids traveling. The holidays are the perfect time to do this, what with b&m school being out and work colleagues being otherwise employed. Usually I will work it out so I can still be with family for at least part of the holiday. But last year we flew out on Christmas Eve, and this year we're going to be gone over Thanksgiving. You would think I was poisoning my family with arsenic. The guilt trip. Why do other people think they have anything to say about what I do on my holidays? How about "have a nice trip" and being glad you have less cooking to do? (Instead I get "you know, there will only be so many more Thanskgivings with the folks.") And why do I allow this to interfere with my peace of mind? I'm sure many other Hive members have similar stories / vents to share, so share away .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I just broke the news to a cousin that we stay home on Christmas Day. I'm happy to celebrate any other day, but Christmas Day is just for us. Heck, I'd be happy to host, even. But I'm staying home with my kids. She took the news well, just a stunned look. Hopefully she will spread it around and everyone else will get wind of it before plans start to be made. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Well, I hope you have a fantastic trip. (Also, how many more Thanksgivings will you have to be able to travel with your kids?) 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 You would really feel badly if the relatives said, "oh thank goodness you are not coming this year." So consider the response you got the kind one, not the guilt ridden one. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 10, 2015 Author Share Posted November 10, 2015 (Also, how many more Thanksgivings will you have to be able to travel with your kids?) Right - they are going to be gone/busy and I'm going to be too old. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 We love traditions too, but we also love to shake it up a bit now and then. One year, we left on Christmas Eve morning and flew to Germany (where our son was then living). We didn't give any presents that year except for one very small (stocking-stuffer type) gift for each person. We arrived in a dark, snowy Frankfurt on Christmas morning, and stayed in a family hostel (where we met our son) that was probably 200 years old. We walked to a little German church that evening in the freeezzzzing cold, found one restaurant open and had traditional goose and red cabbage and beer, then walked back to our hostel and opened our little gifts. It was a wonderful, amazing Christmas for everyone, one my kids will remember for the rest of their lives. We still mostly do the traditional gatherings with family, but I'm really glad for the alternative celebrations we've had now and then. We've made a point of telling our kids not to feel guilty if they don't always spend their holidays with us! 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peach Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 SKL I hope you have awesome trip! I can understand your feelings here. When I was a kid, we always spent Christmas eve at home, but Christmas day was the day at the cousins/aunt/uncle's house....two hours away. So we'd get up, see all the cool presents, then immediately take off to drive two hours, stay all day, then drive home late. I adored seeing the family but it always annoyed the heck out of me that we got yanked away and left all our new 'stuff' home. Now? My family's scattered all over and so the holidays are usually just us to do what we want. While I miss seeing my mom and brother, we keep in touch and I see them at other times. It's nice to do just what we want and not feel stressed out over it all. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 My DH is a pastor, so we obviously can't take time off for Christmas or Easter (or Thanksgiving for that matter). Our family all lives 2 hours, 6 hours, or 14 hours away. Some of them don't understand why we can't make it for holidays. When they visit (or when we previously lived closer), then don't understand why DH can't spend more time with them (or wants to slip into a coma as soon as the services are over). :lol: We have extra services all during Lent and Advent (not to mention extra Christmas and Holy Week services), each with their own sermon to write, so he's pretty exhausted by the time it's over. I think it would be great to take a mini-vacation after Christmas...maybe one year we will! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I think people just want their version of the perfect Christmas and want everyone else to play along. For the record... I always wanted one of those huge, crowded, loud overwhelming family Christmases but I've never had one. I, however, don't hold it against my kids that they aren't bringing 2 or 3 guests. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 This makes me thankful for my parents. In October they asked "Which holiday are you spending with friends/alone and which are you spending with us?" It's never a given that we're spending holidays together :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 We love traditions too, but we also love to shake it up a bit now and then. One year, we left on Christmas Eve morning and flew to Germany (where our son was then living). We didn't give any presents that year except for one very small (stocking-stuffer type) gift for each person. We arrived in a dark, snowy Frankfurt on Christmas morning, and stayed in a family hostel (where we met our son) that was probably 200 years old. We walked to a little German church that evening in the freeezzzzing cold, found one restaurant open and had traditional goose and red cabbage and beer, then walked back to our hostel and opened our little gifts. It was a wonderful, amazing Christmas for everyone, one my kids will remember for the rest of their lives. We still mostly do the traditional gatherings with family, but I'm really glad for the alternative celebrations we've had now and then. We've made a point of telling our kids not to feel guilty if they don't always spend their holidays with us! What a very cool story. :) I love that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Pretty much no one in my family or in DH's family who is still interested in family holidays gives anybody grief about making different plans. Everyone seems fine with "see you when you get back" or "we'll try to find a different day to get together." I am so grateful for that! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 One part of our family makes the trip every other year. Last year, one cousin took a cruise, so we met the weekend before. Life is too short to have regrets--so alternating can be a good alternative! :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I hope you have an awesome trip. I wish I had planned one. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Some people don't handle change well. That's their problem to deal with, not yours.Don't let it bother you. You can say things like, "Lots of people travel for the holidays. That's what we're doing this year. We've had X holidays with the folks and we'll probably have others in the future, but this time we'll travel. See you (insert name of next holiday to you plan to see them here.)" Then hang up.Last Christmas it just happened that half of our usual crew (25 people) ended up traveling. A dozen people is a small, quiet event to us. It's not usually such a big percentage, but sometimes life happens. So, we drowned our sorrows with fireworks and Chinese good. (Chinese Turkey, anyone?) We usually have Mexican food. If it was going to be different, it may as well be really different with something fun thrown in to lift our spirits a bit. We had a good time in spite of missing people. On a related note, now we plan to have fireworks every Christmas no matter who shows up. So there you go, it can start a new, fun, memorable tradition that everyone shares in when they can make it. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 I am about to tell my sister that we are going to visit dh's family for Thanksgiving this year. She is NOT going to be happy about it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Holidays can be so hard with families. When my mother was alive, we alternated between visiting her and visiting my in-laws. When she died, the in-laws seemed to assume we would spend every Christmas with them. Not so! We started staying home on my mom's year. And we liked it. Now that our kids are older, we want to visit family at the holidays even less. We don't have super close relationships with my in-laws or my siblings. I wish it were not so, but it is. So we don't travel anymore. I have only a few years left with my kids before they are off on their own adult lives, so I want to focus on enjoying time with them. Fortunately my husband agrees. If we had the opportunity to take an interesting trip with my kids over that time, we'd take it! I hope I can be understanding toward our kids when they are up and out and have their own families. I hope they will want to visit us at holidays if they live far away that we don't see them much. But I also hope that in my old age I don't become demanding in that way. My mother was never demanding; she understood that once I was married and had kids, my proper focus was on them, not her. I hope you have a wonderful trip. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamaraby Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 My dh works in the same field as my dad did complete with shift work and holidays/weekends. My mom always talks about how hard it was when we were kids and she'd have to take us to holiday get togethers by herself. She often remarks about how their family was unwilling to plan get togethers so that my dad could attend. You'd think that now that her daugher's family is in the same position she would understand and want to plan accordingly, but you would be wrong. She's not only resistant to celebrating the holiday on another day, she'll also give me a hard time about it on the holiday. My siblings have no problem adjusting holiday plans so that my dh can be included. I do not look forward to the holidays. In fact, it makes me want to give up celebrating the holidays altogether. I hope you have a great trip! What a fun thing to do with your kids! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 You are not alone! My MIL was mad at us because we are spending Thanksgiving with my family. A little background- they live a 14 hour drive away, so we almost always fly to see them. It's too expensive around Thanksgiving, so we haven't been there ON Thanksgiving for 6 or 7 years. This year, dh had a business trip scheduled the week before Thanksgiving, so it was a great opportunity for me to fly down with the kids and for him to join us later, have Thanksgiving and drive back. Seriously, how a person can be mad that we are missing two Thanksgivings out of about 10? (When my oldest was a baby, we tried driving..... Hahaha) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 My dh works in the same field as my dad did complete with shift work and holidays/weekends. My mom always talks about how hard it was when we were kids and she'd have to take us to holiday get togethers by herself. She often remarks about how their family was unwilling to plan get togethers so that my dad could attend. You'd think that now that her daugher's family is in the same position she would understand and want to plan accordingly, but you would be wrong. She's not only resistant to celebrating the holiday on another day, she'll also give me a hard time about it on the holiday. My siblings have no problem adjusting holiday plans so that my dh can be included. I do not look forward to the holidays. In fact, it makes me want to give up celebrating the holidays altogether. I hope you have a great trip! What a fun thing to do with your kids! Aw, that's lousy. :grouphug: My mother always said that the actual day is not so important. The year before I got married my husband wanted to take me home for Christmas to meet his family. She was going to be all alone (my sibs lived far away from her at that time). We had Christmas a week early. She really gave me a great gift by releasing me from holiday guilt. I know I said it before but more and more I am determined to give the same gift to my kids. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 11, 2015 Author Share Posted November 11, 2015 When my kids are grown, I'm going to guilt my younger sisters into being with me on all holidays. That'll teach them. :P 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 That's one plus with having zero family around. You get to do whatever the heck you want without complaints. : ) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 My dh works in the same field as my dad did complete with shift work and holidays/weekends. My mom always talks about how hard it was when we were kids and she'd have to take us to holiday get togethers by herself. She often remarks about how their family was unwilling to plan get togethers so that my dad could attend. You'd think that now that her daugher's family is in the same position she would understand and want to plan accordingly, but you would be wrong. She's not only resistant to celebrating the holiday on another day, she'll also give me a hard time about it on the holiday. My siblings have no problem adjusting holiday plans so that my dh can be included. I do not look forward to the holidays. In fact, it makes me want to give up celebrating the holidays altogether. I hope you have a great trip! What a fun thing to do with your kids! If she's anything like my mother her attitude is that she had to deal with it, so now it is your turn. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern Ivy Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 My mother always said that the actual day is not so important. THIS! We have chosen to travel to my grandparents home for Thanksgiving every year. It's one of the few times they see their great grandkids, so we keep it pretty consistent unless finances prevent us from going. Christmas Eve/Day is always with in-laws and God forbid my sister miss Christmas with her in-laws. They act like the world is coming to an end. So, this left no holiday for just my parents, sister's family, and us. So, our new tradition is "2nd Christmas". It's not on Christmas day and the date varies year to year to account for job situations, but it's far more enjoyable and relaxed than the Christmases with our in-lawas. It's not about the day, but the people you are with that matters most. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samm Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 I'm wondering if these ideas of "owed" visitation is where all the grandparents playing obvious favorites among grandkids and in-laws come from? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 11, 2015 Author Share Posted November 11, 2015 To be clear, it wasn't my parents who gave me ethe guilt trip. It was another family member. I've spent more time with extended family this fall than I normally do, so it's not like Thanksgiving was our only chance to get together. I was planning to try to arrange something else in November, but now I'm not sure I should bother. (It's hard for me to get away as I work 7 days and this is a busy time of year.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 This makes me thankful for my parents. In October they asked "Which holiday are you spending with friends/alone and which are you spending with us?" It's never a given that we're spending holidays together :) No kidding! We all plan ours around each other and try to work out between grandmas. We are very fortunate. SKL--HAVE AN AWESOME TRIP. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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