Hikin' Mama Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Included, does that mean they want only cash? I was also invited to the bridal shower and there was gift registry info included in that one. I don't know if I've ever received a wedding invitation that didn't contain info as to where the couple was registered. I've read here on the boards that in some circles, it is expected that guests give what their meal costs. Could this maybe be the case for this wedding? In case it matters, the wedding is in San Antonio and the bride's family is very well off. And one more question, if there is no registry and I'm not going (San Antonio is a LONG way from where I live), what is a "proper" amount? TIA! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 You are not required to give a gift. It isn't payment for the invitation.However, money is the easiest. Or some pretty house thing from TJ Maxx but it would have to be small if you are traveling. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Included, does that mean they want only cash? I was also invited to the bridal shower and there was gift registry info included in that one. I don't know if I've ever received a wedding invitation that didn't contain info as to where the couple was registered. I've read here on the boards that in some circles, it is expected that guests give what their meal costs. Could this maybe be the case for this wedding? In case it matters, the wedding is in San Antonio and the bride's family is very well off. And one more question, if there is no registry and I'm not going (San Antonio is a LONG way from where I live), what is a "proper" amount? TIA! No, it does not. No. There should never be gift registry information included with a wedding invitation. A shower invitation, yes; a wedding invitation, no. No gift is ever *expected* for a wedding. No, it does not matter where the wedding is or that the bride's family is well off. No amount of cash is "proper." After you RSVP, if you feel like it, you may send a wedding gift. Buy one from a national chain, so that if the happy couple wants to return it they may do so easily. In fact, in many cases you can order the gift on-line and have it shipped directly to them. 34 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 If I receive a wedding invitation that has no gift registry information in it, I think, "What a polite and nice invitation this is." Then I send in the RSVP card with a handwritten congratulatory note. Then I call one of the happy couple's parents or the bride or groom and verbally request registry information. And I think, "What a polite and nice invitation this is," once again. It is rude to make reference to an expectation of gifts in an invitation. I know it has become more common but it is still rude. 38 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 OK, this is funny--while I was typing up my answer, I was thinking, Ellie Andrew and I are going to have twin fainting spells over this one. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 If I receive a wedding invitation that has no gift registry information in it, I think, "What a polite and nice invitation this is." Then I send in the RSVP card with a handwritten congratulatory note. Then I call one of the happy couple's parents or the bride or groom and verbally request registry information. And I think, "What a polite and nice invitation this is," once again. It is rude to make reference to an expectation of gifts in an invitation. I know it has become more common but it is still rude. PS It is, however, proper to include registry information in the shower invitation, as long as it isn't (faints) from the bride herself; and that registry information should be construed to apply to both the wedding and the shower. If you attend both, you should bring a gift (on the small side) to the shower and bring or send ahead a gift for the wedding, both preferably from the registry. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 In these cases I nearly always give a set of nice picture frames. I've known so many couples who buy their wedding photos but are so busy setting up household that none of them get framed for a very long time. They always seem to be very appreciated, and it's generally different from what other guests give. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I don't assume there is no registry. As has been said ;) , gift information does not belong on a wedding invitation. So, there may well be a registry; I had one but I didn't put in on the invitation. People asked me, or my in-laws, or coworkers for the information. Or, didn't get a gift, or just bought something on their own. I do the same when I receive an invitation. I've also checked weddingwire.com to see if registry information is there, or checked online at typical stores in my area (Crate and Barrel, Target, Macy's) or Amazon. If I can't find anything, I usually give picture frames too, though sometimes it's hard if I have no clue about their decor. I love gift registries. But I also don't like to see the information on the invitation. A trend I also like, though, is a wedding website which is referenced on the invitation. This can include registry information but most often has more detail on the wedding, such as lodging for out-of-towners, etc. If people aren't interested in it, they don't have to go to the site. ETA: Wedding website referenced with, not on the invitation. A separate insert. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Agreeing w/ Ellie, Carol, & marbel -- there should not be registry info in an invitation. Ever. Either call/email & ask a member of the bride or groom's family for registry info or send something of your choosing (including money), if you want to. Another thing you can do is pull up websites for popular registry places & put in their names to see if they have a registry listed. I'd try places like Crate & Barrel; Macy's; Bed, Bath, & Beyond; even Target. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 In these cases I nearly always give a set of nice picture frames. I've known so many couples who buy their wedding photos but are so busy setting up household that none of them get framed for a very long time. They always seem to be very appreciated, and it's generally different from what other guests give. Is *that* why we got so many picture frames for our wedding?!?! Honestly, we got about 25 or so. Nice ones, but it was a ridiculous amount. We regifted some and some ended up going to Goodwill when we moved a few years after we got married. We had never used most of them. (we had a registry... picture frames were not on there) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I love gift registries. But I also don't like to see the information on the invitation. :iagree: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Is *that* why we got so many picture frames for our wedding?!?! Honestly, we got about 25 or so. Nice ones, but it was a ridiculous amount. We regifted some and some ended up going to Goodwill when we moved a few years after we got married. We had never used most of them. :lol: I know. We got a lot of picture frames for our wedding too. (Waaaay too many as I don't tend to display a lot of photos & many were of a style that didn't match our style.) Still, it was thoughtful & lovely of people to think of us & we were thrilled that they did so. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 If you got a shower invitation, you already have their registry info. I totally agree that registry info should not be included with the wedding invite. It's easy enough to find out if you want to know. I would give cash or something off the registry. I would not free lance a gift choice unless you know the couple intimately. We also got a bunch of frames. Some were our style and some weren't. We got some other things that never came out of a box. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I usually just go check the usual suspects for the Bride's name online....so Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, Crate & Barrell, Macy's, local department stores, etc. 99% of the time, I'll find a registry. If I can't, then I'll send an email to the mother of the bride, or give a gift card or something. One gift I've given a few times that has been popular is a good basic cookbook and a pan or something. My favorite is the 3-ring binder version of the red plaid BH&G cookbook. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I'm thrilled to hear there are couples who do not automatically send registry info in their invitations. Bed Bath & Beyond has SO many incentives, that nearly every bride joins their registry. It's an easy first place to check. :-) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I'm thrilled to hear there are couples who do not automatically send registry info in their invitations. Bed Bath & Beyond has SO many incentives, that nearly every bride joins their registry. It's an easy first place to check. :-) I find this surprising, actually, because I have gotten registry information included with every wedding invitation I've been to for as long as I can remember. It is not ON the invitation, but is on an additional piece of information in the invitation packet. I LOVE registry information! I want to give a couple what they want/need/can use. My nephew just got married. His circumstances are unusual, because they are going to be sailing and living on a sailboat for years. So, my gift to them was probably the most unusual gift I've ever given - a portion of their main sail. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 first - gifts ARE optional. if you wish to send a gift, even though you are unable to attend, give what *you* feel comfortable giving. anyone claming a person has to give a set amount is being mercenary. some people can afford what the meal costs, some people can afford considerably more, other's are in circumstances they could only afford a token. a gracious bride will not sit and count how much a gift costs as to whether the giver spent enough. second - referring to a gift registry is not mandatory. it is supposed to be for suggestion only. (and stores got into this purely as a marketing ploy.) if no registry information is included inside a wedding invitation - good for them. call and ask if you want to know if they have one. you can also use the bride's name and wedding date and look it up yourself on the most likely sites, or places you would be likely to shop. or you can give something you think they would enjoy or find useful. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 as for the picture frames . .. I've no idea if 2dd received frames. she is asking me for two 20 x 24 frames w/mat, for christmas . . . . (her mil gave them some large prints she's had made. she wants room for a mat.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I find this surprising, actually, because I have gotten registry information included with every wedding invitation I've been to for as long as I can remember. It is not ON the invitation, but is on an additional piece of information in the invitation packet. I LOVE registry information! I want to give a couple what they want/need/can use. My nephew just got married. His circumstances are unusual, because they are going to be sailing and living on a sailboat for years. So, my gift to them was probably the most unusual gift I've ever given - a portion of their main sail. I am with Quill on this. I big puffy heart love, love, LOVE registry information included with the invitation! I think, "How thoughtful to include all the information I might *want* to use in one mailing." I hate having to track someone down or stalk them on the internet when a simple paper insert does the trick. And it does not make me feel put upon if people don't pretend that most people who plan to attend a wedding will not bring a gift. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I'm there with Faith. Except not picture frames. If the couple has registered for good knives, that's what I usually give at the shower, in the brand they chose. If they haven't registered for knives, I give them two, a paring knife (3 1/2 or 4 inch) and a utility knife (5 1/2 or 6 inch serrated) from Henckels or Wusthof in a rather classic shape. (One of the brands has come out with a cheap line that I don't like.) I usually pair the knives with a pretty bamboo cutting board and often get the knives at Tuesday Morning or TJMaxx, so they're discounted steeply. At the wedding, I bring something small off the registry. What I've found is that the brides are almost always thrilled to have a good knife, and now and then, a young lady will remember that that's what we gave her, and comment on it years later. I'm converting as many young ladies as possible to loving good cutlery. There was one girl I really didn't know well, marrying into a family that I did know pretty well, so I played it safe and got her the cake ball pan that was on her registry, along with some cute sprinkles. She was happy, but the groom asked me why I didn't get them knives. LOL! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Agreeing that good knives are an awesome gift. One of DH's friends gave us Henkles knives for our wedding. I love those knives! Another friend of his gve us an electric skillet. We still have it and have used it extensively for 21 years. I have told him what a great gift that was. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Agreeing that good knives are an awesome gift. One of DH's friends gave us Henkles knives for our wedding. I love those knives! Another friend of his gve us an electric skillet. We still have it and have used it extensively for 21 years. I have told him what a great gift that was. One of the surprise wedding gifts that we got, but that I never would have thought to give anyone, was an electric citrus juicer. I used that thing nearly to death when we lived in FL. It doesn't get as much use since we moved, but it's still very, very handy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 No, it does not. No. There should never be gift registry information included with a wedding invitation. A shower invitation, yes; a wedding invitation, no. No gift is ever *expected* for a wedding. No, it does not matter where the wedding is or that the bride's family is well off. No amount of cash is "proper." After you RSVP, if you feel like it, you may send a wedding gift. Buy one from a national chain, so that if the happy couple wants to return it they may do so easily. In fact, in many cases you can order the gift on-line and have it shipped directly to them. I knew before getting past the first post that you would straighten this out :-). I'm curious. Do you retype it each time or do you have a FAQ file for etiquette questions? Also, WHY don't people know this by now? Am I getting old? This used to be common knowledge, but I'm wondering if the rules are changing and nobody told me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I once gave a huge case of Ramen Noodles and a Ramen Noodle Cookbook to a friend (a girl I used to baby-sit) for her wedding. They loved it! They were very poor, starving college students. Apparently a lot of those recipes tasted great! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 OK, this is funny--while I was typing up my answer, I was thinking, Ellie Andrew and I are going to have twin fainting spells over this one. Fans for everyone! My treat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Never, never, never include gift registry information or a request for gifts in an invitation or you will make my grandmother roll over in her grave. Ack! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I knew before getting past the first post that you would straighten this out :-). I'm curious. Do you retype it each time or do you have a FAQ file for etiquette questions? Also, WHY don't people know this by now? Am I getting old? This used to be common knowledge, but I'm wondering if the rules are changing and nobody told me. There are some things that are indelibly imprinted in my brain. This is one of them. :-) Also, I own three of Judith Martin's "Miss Manners" books. 'Nuff said. :D And ITA--why don't people know this by now???? No, the rules have not changed. There have always been people who did not know the rules (we know this because people have been writing etiquette books forever). There have been people who grew up not needing to know some of those rules (I never in my life received a wedding invitation or attended a wedding before my own. Seriously.); some of them will find an etiquette book to look things up, while others don't have access to the etiquette books and are winging it. We can only hope they wing it to the right places, lol. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I've never seen a wedding invitation that contained registry information. I just hop on target.com or Williams-Sonoma or Crate and Barrel and look up their names. There's a big main site now that many brides register on that will point you to the others...theknot.com maybe? Anyway, a lack of registry information is not a cash grab request! It's correct etiquette. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medawyn Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I love when couples know and use proper etiquette. (And Ellie, as an aside, you would have thoroughly approved of our wedding invitations. They were definitely Miss Manners/Emily Post approved!) If a quick search of common registry places listed above doesn't yield results, I will usually try contacting someone relating to the wedding party: mother of the bride or groom, other close female relative, member of the bridal party (if I happen to know), or a shower hostess. Barring that, or if I don't like the couples' registry, some go-to off registry gifts for me include - carving board/serving platter with the couples' married name or wedding date (depending on if I know she will change her name) - a set of grill tools (grooms are often neglected) - a picnic basket and blanket I rarely give checks for wedding gifts (unless it's a traditional gift in the context of that culture) and I abhor being asked for cash gifts/to pay for someone's honeymoon. I understand that cash is appreciated, but I don't like when it is intimated that cash is the only gift appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 There are some things that are indelibly imprinted in my brain. This is one of them. :-) Also, I own three of Judith Martin's "Miss Manners" books. 'Nuff said. :D And ITA--why don't people know this by now???? No, the rules have not changed. There have always been people who did not know the rules (we know this because people have been writing etiquette books forever). There have been people who grew up not needing to know some of those rules (I never in my life received a wedding invitation or attended a wedding before my own. Seriously.); some of them will find an etiquette book to look things up, while others don't have access to the etiquette books and are winging it. We can only hope they wing it to the right places, lol. I, too, own more than one copy of Miss Manners' books. I kept one of them on the back of the toilet when my son was in homeschool. More than once, I caught him reading it in bed later on, or spending a LOT of time on the potty. LOL. But you know what? I think he LIKED reading about what you are supposed to do in social situations. No one likes to walk around feeling like a rube or being uncertain what to do in a given situation. It's handy to read the book ahead of time so if you get surprised by a situation/invitation, you aren't throw into that icky feeling again. My son is now 20, and he has had his growing-up issues. But one of them is NOT bad manners or feeling uncomfortable in unfamiliar situations. We found ourselves in one a few weeks ago, and I was pretty impressed with his aplomb. He was completely at ease, much more than most adults I was watching. I think he learned a lot from reading that book. Also, it was NOT "Assigned Readng" so it was his to pick up as he wished. I have never asked, but I'm pretty sure he read it cover-to-cover, and I am also pretty sure the book was helpful to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 What I find fascinating here is that it seems to be universally accepted that there IS a registry, you just have to look for it, No one seems to be suggesting that maybe the bride just isn't doing a registry. Is this a cultural thing? I have seen gift registry registration things, so I know they exist, but I've been to... 5 weddings, I think. All families from different backgrounds with different marriage plans, one quite rich and fairytale style, another quite poor and handmade decorations in a community hall, and others inbetween. Not one of them had a registry. It never even occurred to me to do a registry, I personally find them tacky and rude, though I'm well aware I am culturally out-of-touch with those feelings, I'm also someone who disapproves of wishlists for Christmas. I think part of gifts is displaying your thought and affection by taking the time to choose something you think the recipient will like, but that's just me. Anyway, just wanted to throw out the idea that maybe the bride just isn't doing a registry and wants people to bring thoughtful gifts they selected themselves. That's been the case at my wedding and 3 of the weddings I've attended. (the other two had wishing wells, similar to money trees, because one pair were saving for a house deposit and the other pair were paying for visas and airfares as they lived in different countries pre-wedding and couldn't carry many gifts in luggage. So even the money-only weddings I've been to were for specific reasons, not just paying for your meal.) I believe etiquette would demand calling the mother of the bride to inquire about it 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 ...snip... Anyway, just wanted to throw out the idea that maybe the bride just isn't doing a registry and wants people to bring thoughtful gifts they selected themselves. That's been the case at my wedding and 3 of the weddings I've attended. (the other two had wishing wells, similar to money trees, because one pair were saving for a house deposit and the other pair were paying for visas and airfares as they lived in different countries pre-wedding and couldn't carry many gifts in luggage. So even the money-only weddings I've been to were for specific reasons, not just paying for your meal.) I believe etiquette would demand calling the mother of the bride to inquire about it When/where I grew up, no one had registries except for china, crystal and silver. (Silver was so high when I got married that all anyone could afford to give was a fork or something, so the registries were handy for that. LOL.) But if you went off the reservation and didn't give or WANT china/crystal/silver, it was pretty much "thoughtful gift" time...and I still have and love because I remember who gave them to me many of the gifts we got 35 years ago. I remember my maid of honor telling everyone who asked her what to give us to "give something beautiful. She'll BUY what she needs...but not things of beauty." And she was correct. And it is the things of beauty that have lasted. Mostly There was that beautiful bowl the housekeeper broke...but she didn't mean to. :0) Oh, by the way, things of beauty can also be useful. "Useful" doesn't always equal Pyrex. :0) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I objected to registry gifts as unimaginative until I registered myself. My, my, my. We spent so much time picking out exactly what we liked, and were tickled to death when someone bought us something from that list. It was a revelation, and I've bought from registries as much as possible ever since. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 There are some things that are indelibly imprinted in my brain. This is one of them. :-) Also, I own three of Judith Martin's "Miss Manners" books. 'Nuff said. :D And ITA--why don't people know this by now???? No, the rules have not changed. There have always been people who did not know the rules (we know this because people have been writing etiquette books forever). There have been people who grew up not needing to know some of those rules (I never in my life received a wedding invitation or attended a wedding before my own. Seriously.); some of them will find an etiquette book to look things up, while others don't have access to the etiquette books and are winging it. We can only hope they wing it to the right places, lol. Ellie, I think you're the bee's knees (I like ya!). And today I thought of you as I attended a funeral in my black skirt and nice blouse....sans pantyhose. ;) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 I find this surprising, actually, because I have gotten registry information included with every wedding invitation I've been to for as long as I can remember. It is not ON the invitation, but is on an additional piece of information in the invitation packet. I LOVE registry information! I want to give a couple what they want/need/can use. My nephew just got married. His circumstances are unusual, because they are going to be sailing and living on a sailboat for years. So, my gift to them was probably the most unusual gift I've ever given - a portion of their main sail. Then I'm not the only one. After reading this thread, I was beginning to think all my friends and acquaintances were lacking. :) The registry info usually comes in the envelope on it's own little card along with the invitation, the RSVP card, and sometimes directions (although I probably haven't seen that recently as everyone and their dog has a smartphone and/or GPS). I also love wedding registry info. I'm a practical gal and want to get the couple something they really want. I always include a gift receipt in case they get more than one and need to return it. Thanks for the replies, though. When my daughter gets married, I will remember...no registry info in the invitation. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I find this surprising, actually, because I have gotten registry information included with every wedding invitation I've been to for as long as I can remember. It is not ON the invitation, but is on an additional piece of information in the invitation packet. I LOVE registry information! . I like to know where a couple has registered too, but I have never received a wedding announcement or invitation that included anything about gift registry. I have heard some people do that, but i haven't seen it in real life. I just ask about registry if I want to know. I do tend to want to buy off a registry because I want to get people something they really want, but that is not something that I think belongs in the invitation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I don't really like registry info in invites. But I do think it's totally fine and fair game to include "for more info check http://www.BobAndSueWedding.com"and include wedding info there along with maps, lodging, time table, venue info, registry, tourist info for area, etc. Don't get me wrong. I LOVED registering and I love buying from registries. Throwing a registry card in there does just seem tacky. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted November 1, 2015 Author Share Posted November 1, 2015 If you got a shower invitation, you already have their registry info. I totally agree that registry info should not be included with the wedding invite. It's easy enough to find out if you want to know. I would give cash or something off the registry. I would not free lance a gift choice unless you know the couple intimately. We also got a bunch of frames. Some were our style and some weren't. We got some other things that never came out of a box. I wasn't in need of the registry info. You're right I still have it filed away in my brain. I was just curious if the exclusion of it meant something else was expected. I know gifts are supposed to be optional, but I often get the feeling that they are most definitely not. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I objected to registry gifts as unimaginative until I registered myself. My, my, my. We spent so much time picking out exactly what we liked, and were tickled to death when someone bought us something from that list. It was a revelation, and I've bought from registries as much as possible ever since. When I got married, a friend of mine actually said to me "everything on your registry is so dull!" So she bought some things that weren't dull to her. But they were just bizarre to me. I appreciated her, of course, and her intent. But though we had known each other for years, through work, she had no idea what I liked. And, of course, she basically told me that the things I chose were lacking in... something. My husband and I liked those things; that why we chose them! So I do like a registry. Because of a registry I thrilled a friend/coworker with beer glasses that were just what he wanted. (I knew him, not the bride, so wanted something more for him.) I was able to help a couple complete their china pattern. (I know, no one wants china anymore.) My favorite thing to give is wine glasses but I'm not going to give such a thing to people who may not drink wine. I was invited to one wedding and when asked about gifts, was told to "have fun in the thrift shops picking something out just for them!" Problem was, I didn't know them very well. I didn't know what they liked. I don't have fun in thrift shops - seems like most of the time my eyes start to sting within minutes after i walk in the door of one. The couple thought it was cute and original and environmental, but to me it was just a PITA. I ended up badgering the bride's mother for ideas and bought them some bakeware. New. :lol: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Then I'm not the only one. After reading this thread, I was beginning to think all my friends and acquaintances were lacking. :) The registry info usually comes in the envelope on it's own little card along with the invitation, the RSVP card, and sometimes directions (although I probably haven't seen that recently as everyone and their dog has a smartphone and/or GPS). I also love wedding registry info. I'm a practical gal and want to get the couple something they really want. I always include a gift receipt in case they get more than one and need to return it. Thanks for the replies, though. When my daughter gets married, I will remember...no registry info in the invitation. :) This is what has me intrigued, though. I am wondering if my part of the country just doesn't know/care about this dumb rule of etiquette, or if just coincidentally, most every wedding invitation I have gotten has this information in/on it somewhere. FWIW, I think having a link to BobandJaneswedding.theknot.com, and then having the registry there is not remotely different from including a link to the places where the couple is registered within the invitation packet. The wedding I just attended in September was the first wedding I have attended that had a wedding website, but there were still a couple of different cards in the invitation: hotel information, some info about how parking would be, what kind of shoes the ladies might wish they were wearing and information about their intention to go live on a boat, which made the web address of a boating supply registry totally logical. I don't understand why one would put this in a shower invitation, but not within the wedding invitation, because many more people are likely to be invited to the wedding than the shower. If it is so tacky to behave as though you imagine people will give gifts, why is it not horribly tacky to have a shower to begin with? To have a shower is literally nothing but an invitation to buy something for the couple and shower them with gifts. I think etiquette is marvelous when it prevents someone from being hurt or burdened or uncomfortable. But I disagree with notions of etiquette that are arbitrary and are about nothing but pretending. "Let's pretend the couple has no expectation of anyone giving them gifts, and then they can pretend to be so surprised and flattered when you ask for a registry link." It's dumb. I'm delighted the have that information within the invitation. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 When does etiquette give way to practicality? I know etiquette says you don't have to take a gift to a wedding but everyone does. And, most couples register. Why not save me the time it takes to track down contact info and inquire if there is a registry?? Why be offended if the information that I want is included in the invitation?? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 <snip> I don't understand why one would put this in a shower invitation, but not within the wedding invitation, because many more people are likely to be invited to the wedding than the shower. If it is so tacky to behave as though you imagine people will give gifts, why is it not horribly tacky to have a shower to begin with? To have a shower is literally nothing but an invitation to buy something for the couple and shower them with gifts. <snip> The difference is that the entire purpose of the shower is to give gifts. When someone receives an invitation to a shower, they are being told to bring a gift simply because that's what a shower is. Not so with a wedding. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 When does etiquette give way to practicality? I know etiquette says you don't have to take a gift to a wedding but everyone does. And, most couples register. Why not save me the time it takes to track down contact info and inquire if there is a registry?? Why be offended if the information that I want is included in the invitation?? If you know the couple and care about them, why would it be a bother for you to call or e-mail and ask where they are registered? :confused1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Is *that* why we got so many picture frames for our wedding?!?! Honestly, we got about 25 or so. Nice ones, but it was a ridiculous amount. We regifted some and some ended up going to Goodwill when we moved a few years after we got married. We had never used most of them. (we had a registry... picture frames were not on there) That's exactly what I was thinking! We got so many picture frames and none of them matched. Wedding presents are funny. We got few duplicates but one friend got 5 crockpots and didn't register for any. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 When does etiquette give way to practicality? I know etiquette says you don't have to take a gift to a wedding but everyone does. And, most couples register. Why not save me the time it takes to track down contact info and inquire if there is a registry?? Why be offended if the information that I want is included in the invitation?? ETA: Never mind. I missed an important word. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 If you know the couple and care about them, why would it be a bother for you to call or e-mail and ask where they are registered? :confused1: I get invited to weddings for cousins I'm not close to, children of DH's co-workers, lots of people I don't really care about. Doesn't everyone? And, even if I do care about them, it doesn't mean I can easily find their contact information. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 The difference is that the entire purpose of the shower is to give gifts. When someone receives an invitation to a shower, they are being told to bring a gift simply because that's what a shower is. Not so with a wedding. Right, but I'm saying why *is* there a party for which the entire purpose is to give gifts, if it is so tacky to imagine you will be given a gift? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Really? I've never taken a gift to a wedding. I always have it shipped. But practicality is why I like wedding websites. The information is there for guests to find if they want/need it or ignored if they don't. It's not all spilling out of the envelope. I don't think that is what she meant. I think she meant you give a gift one way or another, so you are pretending that there is no expectation of gifts, but of course there is, because who goes to a wedding but gives no gift? And wedding websites are fine, but they are a recent development in history. So the "rule" about not putting registry info in the invitation far pre-dates the existence of wedding websites. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edithcrawley Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 I've seen invites where the couple includes info about their wedding website which will list extra info about the ceremony as well as info about the registry. If that isn't the case, I'll just go to registryfinder.com and search for their information. It always turns up something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 The difference is that the entire purpose of the shower is to give gifts. When someone receives an invitation to a shower, they are being told to bring a gift simply because that's what a shower is. Not so with a wedding. Right, and also for a shower, no one is asking for gifts for themselves or for an immediate family member. Whereas a wedding is hosted by the bride, groom, and/or their families. So in that case one would be asking for gifts for onesself or one's family--which is a serious faux pas. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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