angelica Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 With all these threads on vows, gay marriage, Ashley Madison, etc. I started thinking.. Anyone else not married and but yet still living their "happily ever after"? I refer to my husband as my husband, but we are not married and have no plans on tying the knot at the moment. We are 30, have been a couple half our lives now, and been parents for the better chunk of our relationship. I know many people don't agree with how we have moved through our relationship, ie: having a kid and then another years later, but we did and we have no regrets, life happens. In a way, it's like teenage rebellion now by not rushing to get married now that real life has set in. In a way, now that anyone can get married, and married people are signing up to have affairs, it seems less "special", if that makes sense. So am the only one here that's unmarried but married in the mind/heart? I can't be the only one.. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobeatenpath Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Not me but my brother and his partner have been together since he was 16, and he is now 37. They have three kids and a house and are never planning on getting married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I have a friend who has been with her...boyfriend? (we need a new word) for 17 years. They have two young kids. The only reason I know they aren't married is because I asked a question about her DH and her young son piped up and said, "They aren't married". I guess it works for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I think its pretty common. I actually think that what has happened is that there has been a social shift in what constitutes marriage. We think of it as a piece of paper, but in many places, and for most of history, it was a committed relationship, where two families became attached, often where there were children, and the community and the couple both recognize the attachment. There have been variations, but that is the basic material. In our society, the legal paper, and a public/witnessed ceremony, have been the normal way of accomplishing it, and it opens the way for certain traditional privileges like inheritance. It seems like people are still doing the basic stuff, and being recognized by the community as a new family, but often they are not bothering with the paper, and instead of a ceremony they just move in together (which has happened in other societies.) In my mind, its a sign that there is something about the more traditional legal aspect that isn't meeting the needs of people well, despite the advantages. I've wondered if the cost of modern weddings isn't actually a significant factor as there seems to be a fair sized group that puts it off because they can't afford the cost of the wedding they want.(ETA _ or they don't want the fuss.). It wasn't that long ago that many weddings meant just a nice, but regular dress, and a small reception in the home or church hall. Anyway, a lot of the couples I know in this situation do eventually marry, often when they get around to sorting out wills and things like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BusyMom5 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 FOr those with children who are not married, do you never want the security that a marriage contract supplies? Like access to your spouses' SS $$ in the event on an untimely death, or that in the event that your split up, things will be divided fairly? You have more 'rights' if you are married (IMO), and while we don't like to think about things like that happening, I do know of a few cases that marriage would have definitely evened the playing fields- both in one parent passing leaving the kids only to draw SS, while the mother would have been able to as well, and in custody disputes. Granted in divorce nothing is guaranteed, but I do think you and your children are more protected. You also have to think about the death of a spouse and probate court- how will his holding be divided up? Will you be left having to pay taxes on things he 'left' you in his will, like a house or a car? I'm not religious, so that isn't my main point for marriage, instead, I see it as a business agreement w/ specific rights for each partner. A formalization of sorts, where you decide henceforth to go thru life together, as a couple, and join your assets. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 The other day I read a stat saying that single adults now outnumber married adults. Of course not all of the single adults are in marriage-like relationships. But many of them are. Myself, I am not in a romantic relationship and don't intend to be while my kids are young. If I enter into one someday, after midlife, I think it is pretty unlikely that I would get married. But never say never. One of the reasons I might balk at marriage is the way my last "significant other" behaved. He basically felt marriage would give him a right to control (or at least have veto power) concerning my past earnings, friendships and family relationships, and many other things I take for granted. I guess I am too old to give up something I've had for so many adult years. The trend toward "waiting to marry" leads to many independent adults who may not quite understand how "I" becomes "we" in all aspects. Having kids from a previous relationship probably adds to this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 FOr those with children who are not married, do you never want the security that a marriage contract supplies? Like access to your spouses' SS $$ in the event on an untimely death, or that in the event that your split up, things will be divided fairly? You have more 'rights' if you are married (IMO), and while we don't like to think about things like that happening, I do know of a few cases that marriage would have definitely evened the playing fields- both in one parent passing leaving the kids only to draw SS, while the mother would have been able to as well, and in custody disputes. Granted in divorce nothing is guaranteed, but I do think you and your children are more protected. You also have to think about the death of a spouse and probate court- how will his holding be divided up? Will you be left having to pay taxes on things he 'left' you in his will, like a house or a car? I'm not religious, so that isn't my main point for marriage, instead, I see it as a business agreement w/ specific rights for each partner. A formalization of sorts, where you decide henceforth to go thru life together, as a couple, and join your assets. I think it depends on the circumstances. Curious - how does being married help with custody disputes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 One of my grandmothers lived with her honey for 39 years until he died, and she died nine days after he did. They were committed, but had both been married before and enjoyed a more casual relationship than my other grandparents. They went on separate vacations because he didn't like to fly and she was adventurous, and they were both independant people who just happened to be best friends and deeply in love. After he died she found out that he had another girlfriend he went on his own vacations with and it broke her heart, but I think he might have had the girlfriend even if they weren't married. If he had been caught out I know he would have said, "we aren't married", but that didn't make it right, when one person thinks you are monogomous, you should be. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 One of my grandmothers lived with her honey for 39 years until he died, and she died nine days after he did. They were committed, but had both been married before and enjoyed a more casual relationship than my other grandparents. They went on separate vacations because he didn't like to fly and she was adventurous, and they were both independant people who just happened to be best friends and deeply in love. After he died she found out that he had another girlfriend he went on his own vacations with and it broke her heart, but I think he might have had the girlfriend even if they weren't married. If he had been caught out I know he would have said, "we aren't married", but that didn't make it right, when one person thinks you are monogomous, you should be. This is sad, and I agree, not really on. Old men seem to get their pick of the ladies though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 To me, legal marriage is just signing a contract that says your financial/medical/etc partners. A faith based marriage is just that...a marriage bound by faith. Living together as a couple is just the same emotionally to me. A marriage licence may add another step to the process and bind things legally together with a pretty little bow, but as long as the couple is fine with out that simplicity, then I don't care if they have a paper contract or not. Marriage, civil union, faith based, or not.....what ever word or clarifications someone would want to use....I'm fine with. To me, a legal marriage is just a contract. It holds absolutely no emotional value. I do understand why people want to fight for legal marriage between any two people. It shouldn't only be reserved for boy/girls who want the contract. Any two people should be able to have that contract binding their lives if they want it. Any two people (who legally qualify with age/mental understanding, etc) should be allowed to have the legal protection offered by that contract. Not allowing it, is ludicrous to me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Has the legal status of "common law marriage" ceased holding force? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 With all these threads on vows, gay marriage, Ashley Madison, etc. I started thinking.. Anyone else not married and but yet still living their "happily ever after"? I refer to my husband as my husband, but we are not married and have no plans on tying the knot at the moment. We are 30, have been a couple half our lives now, and been parents for the better chunk of our relationship. I know many people don't agree with how we have moved through our relationship, ie: having a kid and then another years later, but we did and we have no regrets, life happens. In a way, it's like teenage rebellion now by not rushing to get married now that real life has set in. In a way, now that anyone can get married, and married people are signing up to have affairs, it seems less "special", if that makes sense. So am the only one here that's unmarried but married in the mind/heart? I can't be the only one.. Why would you call him your husband if he is not your husband? That seems disingenuous to me. I do hope you have POA documents, including Health Care POA, as well as Mutual Wills, naming each other beneficiary, because if anything happens, the doctors absolutely will not talk to you if you are not his wife (and vice-versa). 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Has the legal status of "common law marriage" ceased holding force? Massachusetts no long has "common law marriage" as a legal status. I wonder how many other states no longer have it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 De facto marriage is treated the same here as married-with-a- bit-of-paper, so no, I'm not missing out on any security. Only 7 states still recognize common law marriage. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Massachusetts no long has "common law marriage" as a legal status. I wonder how many other states no longer have it. Do you know why it was abandoned? I would be guessing that common law status would cover the issues TranquilMind just raised. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 This is sad, and I agree, not really on. Old men seem to get their pick of the ladies though. I don't know. One of our grandmothers met her much younger husband AT the cemetery, while visiting the respective headstones of their spouses. They struck up a conversation. They were married another 35 years, after their initial long marriages. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Where I live in Canada we have common law marriage, but it isn't identical - the couple generally each keep their own property. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I don't know. One of our grandmothers met her much younger husband AT the cemetery, while visiting the respective headstones of their spouses. They struck up a conversation. They were married another 35 years, after their initial long marriages. I've actually heard of men in seniors' homes being pursued by many different women at once - it sounds a bit like a university residence without enough men to go around. Seniors is one of the age groups that have had a huge rise in STDs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Do you know why it was abandoned? I would be guessing that common law status would cover the issues TranquilMind just raised. I'm not entirely sure Massachusetts ever had common law marriage. I found a wikipedia article that might be helpful on this. ETA: The last half of that article is not entirely accurate. Note that it says that Massachusetts hasn't had common law marriage since 1642 (or something - not going back to read it). The article continues by saying that Maine had it until 1652 when it became part of the state of Massachusetts.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 One of the reasons I might balk at marriage is the way my last "significant other" behaved. He basically felt marriage would give him a right to control (or at least have veto power) concerning my past earnings, friendships and family relationships, and many other things I take for granted. I guess I am too old to give up something I've had for so many adult years. That's not about age. That's about your last significant other wishing to upgrade from controlling to full on abusive shmuck. Good thing you kicked him to the curb! I was in a de facto relationship for 10 years. It felt married and had the same legal rights and responsibilities as marriage but without that one bit of paper. Divorcing is the same pain as anyone else goes through, but without the administrative fee for the second edition piece of paper. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I've actually heard of men in seniors how being pursued by many different women at once - it sounds a bit like a university residence without enough men to go around. Seniors is one of the age groups that have had a huge rise in STDs. This is true. The ink is barely dry on the death certificate before the women start showing up with casseroles for the bereaved husband. And offers for a cup of coffee. ;) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I'm not entirely sure Massachusetts ever had common law marriage. I found a wikipedia article that might be helpful on this. Thank you! Far more complex than I ever would have supposed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I hope I don't get flogged for saying so, but I have come to think this would be a better way of going about pairing up. I am coming up on my 21st wedding anniversary and, though it never would have seemed like an option back them, it seems pretty logically sound to me now. The only potential flaw, for me, would be that I may have felt less secure when I was pregnant and had little babies, because I would have been up a giant creek with no paddle if DH had abandoned me. However, in reality, I *still* would have been up a creek if he had turned out to be a douchebag; it just would have taken legal proceedings to untangle the mess and get me set up in a different life. I have come to think I'm not sure why it's so important to actually get legally married. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I hope I don't get flogged for saying so, but I have come to think this would be a better way of going about pairing up. I am coming up on my 21st wedding anniversary and, though it never would have seemed like an option back them, it seems pretty logically sound to me now. The only potential flaw, for me, would be that I may have felt less secure when I was pregnant and had little babies, because I would have been up a giant creek with no paddle if DH had abandoned me. However, in reality, I *still* would have been up a creek if he had turned out to be a douchebag; it just would have taken legal proceedings to untangle the mess and get me set up in a different life. It would still have taken legal proceedings if that's how one of you decided things were going to be. I'm not going to be done with this custody dispute until December at the earliest. Probably March. Around here, only 5% of former couples end up in Family Court. I happen to be one of the unlucky 5%. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Only 7 states still recognize common law marriage. Sadie is Australian, as am I, and here De Facto has as many rights as marriage (which is also why the gay marriage thing seemed odd to me, here they have all the same rights except for adoption which I think is the only remaining difference other than a name) You said still recognize? Does that mean it once was but now isn't? That seems very strange to me. In our country it's only recently become fully recognized to my understanding. Yet another thing I just assumed was a thing in the rest of the world, and apparently isn't? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 It would still have taken legal proceedings if that's how one of you decided things were going to be. I'm not going to be done with this custody dispute until December at the earliest. Probably March. Around here, only 5% of former couples end up in Family Court. I happen to be one of the unlucky 5%. Yeah, I guess...once you make babies with someone, you have an involvement with one another, married or not, unless one parent terminates rights or is never in the picture to begin with. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 You missed the 'here' bit, which refers to my experience in my country. The OP did not ask for US specific experiences. Ok. Most of us are, though. What country, if you don't mind sharing? Or even continent. Never mind. I just saw that it was Australia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Yeah, I guess...once you make babies with someone, you have an involvement with one another, married or not, unless one parent terminates rights or is never in the picture to begin with. Not sure that bit is true, at least here. They have the right to show up and demand parental rights whenever they like, as far as I know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Sadie is Australian, as am I, and here De Facto has as many rights as marriage (which is also why the gay marriage thing seemed odd to me, here they have all the same rights except for adoption which I think is the only remaining difference other than a name) You said still recognize? Does that mean it once was but now isn't? That seems very strange to me. In our country it's only recently become fully recognized to my understanding. Yet another thing I just assumed was a thing in the rest of the world, and apparently isn't? Yes, it was once recognized much more widely. I'm sorry, it seems it is recognized in NINE states, not 7, if the second source is more accurate than the first I read. It was once legal and recognized in 37 states. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Not sure that bit is true, at least here. They have the right to show up and demand parental rights whenever they like, as far as I know. Hmmm. Interesting. I did not know this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Someone once asked my cousin why she wouldn't get married (after 15 or so years). She said that she wanted to be able to "pack up the cat and leave" if she wanted to. No mention of what would happen to her daughter. :confused1: :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Someone once asked my cousin why she wouldn't get married (after 15 or so years). She said that she wanted to be able to "pack up the cat and leave" if she wanted to. No mention of what would happen to her daughter. :confused1: :crying: Firstly, most people who say stuff like that try very hard not to want to. Secondly, what would happen to her daughter is the same as what happens to every other divorcing couple's daughter under local laws. Are you sad that she didn't state the obvious? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I recently heard an interview on the new "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" book, which was written by a guy hired by the original author's estate. Original author's live-in girlfriend of thirty years did not inherit his literary estate because she was not his wife, and he did not have a will. And she is quite clearly pissed about it. So, lesson for you all: make a will if you are not married to your significant other. Also, as for why couples do not choose legal marriage, let's not forget the marriage tax, which is very real, especially for two-earner households. It can cost a couple many thousands of dollars each year to be married. So some aren't. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Other side of the thought: My marriage is so far beyond price value, it never would occur to me to worry about the "marriage tax." 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maela Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I am married, but I have a close family member who is happily unmarried, but living with her SO. I'm getting so tired of answering the "So have you convinced her to finally get married?" or comments like, "It's so sad that they're not married." Who cares? They're happy and they're kind to each other. It's none of my business. And please leave her alone! 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 US common law marriage http://www.ncsl.org/research/human-services/common-law-marriage.aspx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I recently heard an interview on the new "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" book, which was written by a guy hired by the original author's estate. Original author's live-in girlfriend of thirty years did not inherit his literary estate because she was not his wife, and he did not have a will. And she is quite clearly pissed about it. So, lesson for you all: make a will if you are not married to your significant other. Also, as for why couples do not choose legal marriage, let's not forget the marriage tax, which is very real, especially for two-earner households. It can cost a couple many thousands of dollars each year to be married. So some aren't. Wow, that is sad and super irresponsible. Everyone needs a will, married or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Other side of the thought: My marriage is so far beyond price value, it never would occur to me to worry about the "marriage tax." So are people's religious and defacto marriages. You can be religiously married, legally defacto and not pay the marriage tax? Well… How much do you love taxes? :biggrinjester: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 The way the law is set up in Florida, at any rate, I see no reason to legally marry. No matter what, a legal spouse can totally obligate the other spouse to debt without signatures or knowledge. The unknowing spouse gets stuck with half of the debt upon divorce. If I had known that, I never would have married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 It would still have taken legal proceedings if that's how one of you decided things were going to be. I'm not going to be done with this custody dispute until December at the earliest. Probably March. Around here, only 5% of former couples end up in Family Court. I happen to be one of the unlucky 5%. I had no idea you were going through this. So sorry :grouphug: 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Other side of the thought: My marriage is so far beyond price value, it never would occur to me to worry about the "marriage tax." I don't think it is terribly uncommon for couples to consider themselves spiritually married, in the eyes of God, but not legally married. I first read about this years ago when retirees were getting church marriages without a license so that they did not muddle up their finances or their kids' inheritances. It also can be useful when one member of the couple has an expensive health condition, as non-spouses are not liable for each other's medical or end-of-life expenses. Anyway, my point is that I believe it is possible for a couple to be married in the eyes of God but not the IRS. I appreciate, however, that reasonable minds may differ on this point. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 A family member who was divorced twice has opted not to marry her SO of 15ish years, and they have a 13yo together. I think she found that the legal protections of marriage weren't what they were cracked up to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 This brings me to a question. I wonder how churches would feel if couples asked for a church wedding/blessing without going for the legal wedding part. Would they be okay with that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 I don't think it is terribly uncommon for couples to consider themselves spiritually married, in the eyes of God, but not legally married. I first read about this years ago when retirees were getting church marriages without a license so that they did not muddle up their finances or their kids' inheritances. It also can be useful when one member of the couple has an expensive health condition, as non-spouses are not liable for each other's medical or end-of-life expenses. Anyway, my point is that I believe it is possible for a couple to be married in the eyes of God but not the IRS. I appreciate, however, that reasonable minds may differ on this point. This is exactly what was the case with a close relative of mine. And I didn't blame her for taking this path. The laws/insurance plans/pensions were set up to punish her for remarrying (with a State license). The couple got married in the Episcopal Church without a State license and have been married for 25 years, following previous long-term marriages that ended in the deaths of their spouses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 This is exactly what was the case with a close relative of mine. And I didn't blame her for taking this path. The laws/insurance plans/pensions were set up to punish her for remarrying (with a State license). Why? :confused1: It's better for people to live together, isn't it? It takes the pressure off the housing market! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 My dh's sister and brother- in- law have a common law marriage. (Texas) She told me they said personal vows to each other and that was it, no paper. She uses his last name and they consider themselves married. They've been together about 40 years. I have no idea if you can still do that in Texas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Yep. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelica Posted September 11, 2015 Author Share Posted September 11, 2015 FOr those with children who are not married, do you never want the security that a marriage contract supplies? Like access to your spouses' SS $$ in the event on an untimely death, or that in the event that your split up, things will be divided fairly? You have more 'rights' if you are married (IMO), and while we don't like to think about things like that happening, I do know of a few cases that marriage would have definitely evened the playing fields- both in one parent passing leaving the kids only to draw SS, while the mother would have been able to as well, and in custody disputes. Granted in divorce nothing is guaranteed, but I do think you and your children are more protected. You also have to think about the death of a spouse and probate court- how will his holding be divided up? Will you be left having to pay taxes on things he 'left' you in his will, like a house or a car? I'm not religious, so that isn't my main point for marriage, instead, I see it as a business agreement w/ specific rights for each partner. A formalization of sorts, where you decide henceforth to go thru life together, as a couple, and join your assets. Why would you call him your husband if he is not your husband? That seems disingenuous to me. I do hope you have POA documents, including Health Care POA, as well as Mutual Wills, naming each other beneficiary, because if anything happens, the doctors absolutely will not talk to you if you are not his wife (and vice-versa). I don't find it to be disingenuous, just easier to refer to each other as husband and wife, especially in casual conversation. But yeah, I guess we are hugely irresponsible then since we do not have POA or wills finalized. I guess now that we are 30 we should act like it and at least get those legalities taken care of! Our state is not a common law state. Now that I think about it, maybe we should give more thought to rebelling against legal marriage. We say we love each other so much but we're not going to get married because we have no interest in that, but the reality of life is that when death hits, and at some point it will, I could theoretically be screwed.. I have a slight fear of one of us suddenly dying, and if it is him then I won't be able unable to collect ss, and as a sahm who hasn't worked in 7 years life will not be easy. All because I was rebellious, naïve, and unprepared. Oh no!! Too much to think about now.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 This is a serious, not snarky question. If any couple living together is presumed to be defacto or common law married, how can courts and businesses distinguish that from couples living together that don't consider themselves together for life? Also, it sounds like some percent of people doing this are avoiding marriage partly or largely to do what some might consider committ fraud by claiming they are unmarried when it suits them (taxes, welfare or other benefits). Of course not everyone does this, but some people are surely scamming someone this way. (Sort of like the homeschooling parents referenced in a different thread who list their child's grade differently for different activities depending on what suits them.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 So are people's religious and defacto marriages. You can be religiously married, legally defacto and not pay the marriage tax? Well… How much do you love taxes? :biggrinjester: Please don't misunderstand my point. I am not evaluating other types of union. I am saying only that taxes are irrelevant to my desire to be married according to the Church, and taxes never could be a deterrent to marriage for me. Don't extrapolate! (Thanks!) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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