Love Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) . Edited November 19, 2015 by Love Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 No advice but sending hugs and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Mousie Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I have not had occasion to navigate that process, but (like MomtoCandJ) just wanted to send you hugs. I am glad to know that you and your Dh feel ready to do that; at the same time, I am so sorry it is there to be done. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I just want to send :grouphug: to you. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little one. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: I think your dh making one would be lovely, but I also like the idea of asking local friends who might know what is available in your area or if there is someone local who could make one like your dh is considering. I hope you find a simple, beautiful headstone for your baby. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: Just before you commit to anything - make sure that the cemetery allows what you want. Many places have strict guidelines. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonesinIndiana Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I'm sorry for your loss. We've been thru this recently with my sister and my mother. My parents had/have everything prepaid. It was a blessing. My sister had enough time to pick out what she wanted for her headstone and funeral. Some thoughts from dealing with mortuaries and cemeteries. Will you and your DH want to be buried next to her? Do you want a flat headstone or raised? Some cemeteries only have flat. I think it's easier to maintain. I suggest going with the cemetary to do the headstone, not the mortuary. Not sure it applies to you since your child passed a few months ago but with my sister we got a lot if pressure from the mortuary to have them do the stone. We decided to have it done by the cemetary. My siblings and I went together to pick it out and there was no sales pressure. He started at the basic options and showed us what our choices were. It ended up being very beautiful and we felt like she would have been happy with it. If I think of anything else I'll post again. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I've been through this multiple times with older relatives, but never a baby. I'm sure that it must be hard. You need to start by considering who runs the cemetery and what the rules are. The marker for my in-laws was bought online to meet the requirements specified. There was a small fee for installation by the cemetery, and the quality was excellent. My parents are buried in a county cemetery in an area where there are very few places that do this. For Dad, we ended up going with a local guy who was did everything including installation because multiple people had recommended him. He was very timely and did a nice job. Unfortunately then when my mom died, he had completely retired and turned the business over to his son, who was doing it only part-time. We had fits with the son. It took almost a year to get Mom's information put on their dual stone. And in other cases it is better to do it with the cemetery. That's what I did for my uncle who was just recently buried. They say that the stone will be set in October, so we'll see how that goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 My brother and his ex wife lost theirs at 23 weeks gestation. We went to the place where most of the family had been to for various deaths in the family. He told us that they can do a "cut" off of a headstone that was messed up. Say a family ordered a full sized one and the etching wasn't correct or something was misspelled. They are able to make a smaller stone out of a portion that isn't etched or cut. In their case, the etching was done on the back side of an already etched stone. The stone was placed into a cement portion in front of the grave, so you couldn't see that there was other etching on the back. It cost them a LOT less than it normally would have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 We bought a headstone for our babies that died. We bought plots and put our names on one side of the headstone and the babies names on the other. We will all be buried there someday. If you want an upright stone, make sure your cemetery still allows those. Our cemetery is old and still does, but some only allow the flat stones now because it makes mowing and maintenance easier. Some places will do a small baby headstone for free, so you might want to ask. We went to an independent company that only does headstones and were not affiliated with the cemetery or funeral home and they did an amazing job. ((Hugs)) because I know how hard it is to do this. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I am so sorry for your loss. In my case, the cemetary had very specific guidelines. No headstone can be errect, for example; flat is all that is allowed. This is to make lawn care of the plots easy; they can mow over flat stones. Also errect stones like the traditional upside-down U shape fall over or crack more easily due to the ground instability. In my case, DH and I bought adjacent plots and a baby plot that is above; i.e., not buried as deeply as we will be. So we bought a joint grave marker with both our names and our baby's name in the middle. This was quite expensive! It was several thousand dollars. At the time, I did not know this, but there is a baby and child section of the cemetary and we could have placed here there. In my state of mind at the time, I could not stand the thought of her lying randomly somewhere with "strangers." Seems stupid now, but that was how I thought at the time. Our plot is therefore adjacent to DH's father's plot. That way our daughter was "with" her grandfather...again seems goofy now, but it made sense at the time. The one "nice" thing about it is that our burial plots are purchased now and our marker is made and only needs a date-plate when the day comes, so I am glad it won't be a burden for my kids or whomever to figure out and buy later. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 We have bought three grave markers and two urn vaults since 2006. Check state law. Here the cemetary gave the impression we were required to order from one of their suppliers. We did that for the first stone and urn vault. It was really quite expensive- close to $5000 for a marker and an urn vault (which is essentially a box the urn is buried in). This impression of a monopoly was not correct. They could require certain sizes and specs but not that we order via them. We were able to save a lot ordering online. My mother's urn vault was 1/4 what we paid via the cemetery for my FIL's. Markers were 20-60% the list prices at the cemetery, often from the same sources. I don't know that the cemetery meant to give that impression (it is not a for profit place) but nevertheless, that is what happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I just wanted to send angel mama hugs from another angel mama. My son was buried at the Veterans cemetery in Florida and they took care of his headstone. Even rushing to have it for his service because they knew we lived out of state and would not easily be able to come back to see it. I know it was hard for me to decide exactly what to write on that little piece of stone that made it so final. I don't wish that on anyone and I just want you to know that it is okay to not be okay. It took me YEARS to actually go back to see his headstone again and then I have only been back that one time. Be extra kind and gentle with yourself. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I am so, so sorry. I wanted to say that I knew someone in Oregon who had a "discount" headstone business. He made his our of cement, but they look like rock. They are lovely, and much cheaper than other kinds. I bet that is the sort of thing your dh is thinking of doing himself, and if he can do it, I would vote for that, but if he can't, I would look for someone who can make a fabricated one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrittanyM Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I just wanted to say I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Our 33 week old son was cremated and we buried him in our backyard. I would like to find something to mark his grave but it is hard to think of and so far I haven't found anything "perfect" (it has been 2 1/2 years). I hope you are able to find something affordable that is what you want! It would be sweet if your DH could make it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: to all of you who have suffered losses. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Our cemetery had ruled about the stones. That bit has been covered well above. We visited a few facilities to see work samples. We picked the actual slab of granite and then worked with the salesperson on designing the stone. We included my daughter's signature (I brought a writing sample) and a ceramic photo in addition to some other things. All in all, it was about $1000. A very basic stone was $200-250. Be sure to ask how they set the stone. Sometimes it is just laid out, in other instances it has a concrete wrap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaLisa Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 No advice as we used a natural cemetary that doesn't allow cement headstones. I cannot image doing this for a baby. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: to you as you go through this next step. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I have no advice. I wish I could hug you. I'm so sorry your baby is gone :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeghansMom Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Hugs to you. My daughter died almost 12 years ago. We were "lucky" that a funeral home near where we used to live had a baby cementary and it was free. The cost was the coffin and the headstone. The headstone cost us 300 dollars and that was with her name, date of birth and death and a shortened version of a Biblical quote on the back. "Given, Taken, Received," it was from Jeremiah five one. The coffin and such was 300, they did a small service for Emily Grace and she was buried in her christening outfit and her cross necklace. Maybe you can call around and find out if any place near you has something similar. I am sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 n/m 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I'm so sorry for your terrible loss. But I think your DH making one would be beautiful and meaningful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: So terribly sorry for your loss. My dd and I just did the headstone for her husband about a month ago. A nice, quality headstone might run about $500+. We did the wording above his name and a Bible verse below, so that was some additional cost. I think my son-in-law's was about $700, but it includes quite a bit of extra. Maybe think ahead about what you want the stone to say and if there are any symbols that are especially meaningful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Since you like classic and simple, the idea of your dh making one or approaching someone in the community would be most appealing to me. This could be a healing/grieving process for you and your dh. What a sad thing to have to ponder. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Something strange that's been happening, is when people hear we buried him instead of doing the free hospital cremation, they say, "Oh! I am so sorry you had to bury him!" and I have felt like, "What does that mean?!" But now I think this is what they meant- they know the expense and hard decisions involved of some of these things. My brother was cremated, but we still buried his urn and purchased a marker. There were hard (and expensive) decisions, but we felt it honored him. Hugs to you in this process. So glad you were blessed by such kind and giving people to help you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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