How much harder is 4 than 3?

[kaylin.booker]

I have three kids. A BIG part of me wants just one more. I would, however have to convince my husband. He's not completely on board with the idea. Ok so he's not on board at all (yet). Also, I'm still having hesitations about whether or not I can handle three kids and another awful pregnancy. So I'm here to ask about another concern I have. Is homeschooling four a lot harder than homeschooling three? I feel like people say having a fourth is no big deal. You're just adding another one to the zoo. But perhaps it is a big deal for homeschoolers. Thoughts?

 

 

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[momacacia]

I'll let you know in a year--ugh! #4 is on his way!

 

I think it depends some on age of kids and independence level. Both my girls are old enough to be helpful around the house (with directions) and to give me space for couch time and 2.5yo still naps a lot and sleeps all night. 10yo is also quite independent with school. I handle questions and nag a bit, yes, but she can do a lot on her own. I'm counting on the fact that a newborn will daytime nap a good bit (while in might want to also!) and that oldest can deal with him some while I help 6yo with handwriting and things that really need me to show up. Oldest is a Baby Whisperer so keeping her focused on school will be the hard part. But yes, I'm nervous about this transition and we're not doing 5. ;)

[desertflower]

No advice. Just wanted to say that I would love to have another one too! :) But my dh doesn't want me to have 4 c-sections.

 

Good luck and from one mom to another, I hope you do get another baby. ;)

[desertflower]

I'll let you know in a year--ugh! #4 is on his way!

 

I think it depends some on age of kids and independence level. Both my girls are old enough to be helpful around the house (with directions) and to give me space for couch time and 2.5yo still naps a lot and sleeps all night. 10yo is also quite independent with school. I handle questions and nag a bit, yes, but she can do a lot on her own. I'm counting on the fact that a newborn will daytime nap a good bit (while in might want to also!) and that oldest can deal with him some while I help 6yo with handwriting and things that really need me to show up. Oldest is a Baby Whisperer so keeping her focused on school will be the hard part. But yes, I'm nervous about this transition and we're not doing 5. ;)

Congrats!

[MinivanMom]

Adding number 3 was the hardest. Adding number 4 & 5 was super-easy by comparison. I've heard many people with large families say the same thing about #3 being the hardest. A lot of that is spacing, I think.

 

My first 3 were very close - oldest was still 3 when I had the 3rd, so I had 3 under the age of 4. I had to do everything for all of them. By the time we added numbers 4 & 5, the oldest kids were bigger and could dress themselves, brush their own teeth, sweep up cheerios, wash dishes, etc. It was genuinely easier to manage than when I had to line up 3 tiny babies in a row to brush all their teeth (though, I think my oldest was probably capable of more at age 3 & 4 than I realized or allowed at the time).

[umsami]

Four is not hard in terms of managing the number of kids.  The jump from two to three was harder IMHO.   But it can be the tipping point for needing a new car....or just not fitting in some situations.  We can squeeze five of us into a booth at a restaurant....but now with six, we really do need either one really big booth or a big table.  It usually means waiting. :)

 

This will be my first year homeschooling all four.  I actually think it may be easier than having a curious non-schooling toddler...but we'll see.    What is nice is that I have three good readers who love to read to their little brother.

[SilverMoon]

My fourth just rolled into the fray like she'd been doing it for ages. She was my most difficult pregnancy, but she was a dreamily easy baby. 

 

When the students get added one at a time it barely makes a ripple in my day. I think difficulty when they're older is more based on personalities and how they mesh with each other, which is basically a crapshoot. More kids improves your odds! ;)

 

My most challenging years homeschooling were actually when that 4th DC joined the school table, but she is precocious and jumped in out of order. She decided to jump into the early, entirely mom-dependent years of schooling at the same time as an older sibling (2 yrs difference) and there was no telling her no. At that point kid #2 still had to work at my elbow, kid #1 was (is) very ADHD, and there's 3 & 4 at pretty much the same level. Somehow we survived, and everyone else started the school journey one at a time.

[mamabear2three]

I just added a fourth to our mix... and I have to agree that adding number 3 was the hardest (of course,I had 2 under 2 for a couple months after my third was born...) My fourth pregnancy was my most difficult and yet he's been the easiest baby so far (but we're only 8 weeks in, so we'll see how that goes!). 

[RootAnn]

For us, adding #3 was the hardest child-wise since they out-numbered us at that point. She was my easiest baby (and #4 would have been my easiest if I hadn't had #3). 

 

From a homeschool perspective, the gap between kids & your homeschool style play a part in this. It is hard to homeschool older kids with a mobile baby! If you can manage through toddler/pre-school ages, adding another homeschooled kid to the mix isn't a big deal, IMO. (And that is coming from someone who tends to pick very mom-intensive stuff!)

 

I'm adding #5 to the school line-up this year although our Kindergarten is pretty low-key. It is a juggling act for sure, but as another poster said, rolling them in one at a time isn't that difficult.

[JustEm]

The pregnancy was the hardest part. Once that was over everything went back to normal with just anotherone in the mix. We did have to upgrade to a minivan which was hard on finances. Mine are 6,5, 2 and 6 months.

[fdrinca]

I'll echo that 2 to 3 was harder than 3 to 4, with some caveats.

 

The biggest struggle we've had in adding #4 is the increased age spread between kids. The first three were 3.5 years apart. Close! Crazy! But they're all interested in the same things and can play together very well. 

 

Our #4 is dragged along for the ride more than I'd like. She spends more time playing alone than with me, while I'm teaching the older kids. The bigger kids don't always want to include her, or aren't always so excited about visiting the kiddo playground or museum. She has more books read to her by older siblings than by me. None of these are necessarily *bad,* but they are different choices from what we made with her older siblings, and if she were our only kiddo we'd definitely do things differently.

 

 

 

[Bree]

As far as having 4 kids, adding #4 for us was not too hard. I learned to deligate responsabilities to the older 2. Truthfully, depending on your kids ages, if you have a child who is a little older around it gets easier ;) Truthfully when we found out we were expecting #4 I was scared out of my mind. Now I have 5 and am starting to want  a #6. If I would of thought about this back then I would of probably feel on the floor ;)

[Peaceful Isle]

#4 for us was our sunshine! We all enjoyed him so much as a baby, and now he is just such a cute kid.

 

My kids get along really well, and he keeps us laughing while running around the house in his underwear!

 

I honestly would not be the mom I am today, if he hadn't come into our lives.

[Paige]

My 4th was the easiest, most fun baby ever. My first was super high needs and colicky. I think his colic lasted for >3 years! We had twins next so we never went from 2-3, but in many ways they were easier than my first.

 

After that, a normal 4th baby was so super easy and really fun. 

[CAmomof4]

A wise woman I know with six advised me that the biggest difference between having 3 and 4 is that you have a little extra laundry.  She was right!  Even if your kids are fairly closely spaced, like mine, by the time you get to your fourth, the older one(s) are able to help out.

[Aspasia]

I guess I'm different. My #3 was my angel baby--just so easy to add into the bunch. She's still the sweetest, happiest kid. Adding #4 made things really hard. For one thing, she hasn't been a very happy baby, just kinda needier and squawkier than my others. But also, #4 is where I really started feeling like, "This is a lot of kids!" It's also where I lost control of my house...and my life. Haha! Seriously, though, my house used to be so clean. I was usually on top of laundry. I did projects and made lots of awesome things from scratch...for fun! For whatever reason, adding a fourth totally broke me.

That said, now that she's mobile and a little more content to follow the other kids around, things are getting better. I knew it was all temporary. :)

[kaylin.booker]

Thanks girls. Lots to think about.

 

 

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[abba12]

Feeling very encouraged by this thread, choosing to have baby 3 was easy, but I'm getting nervous choosing to have baby 4. I know I am finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel of the 'only littles' stage, with my difficult child turning 5 and my easy child turning 3 in the next 6 months. (in this house 3 is helpful lol) Mums of large families tell me this is the hardest stage, until the eldest is able to actually help in real ways, and the second is able is be fairly responsible and follow eldest's lead. 

 

I too have heard that the third is the hard one to add, not the 4th. But my third seemed to fold in pretty easily (I might feel different when she folds in as a student though! My second deciding to do 'real' schoolwork a year ahead of my schedule, before the eldest can do anything independently, is rather trying.... it's only a couple hours a day, but it's an intense couple hours because they insist on working at the same time!)

 

So, the response here is helping me feel a bit more comfortable too :)

[MiMi 4under3]

I wish I knew.  :lol: I went straight from 2 to 4, but I can't imagine that 4 is much different than 3. 

 

 

[Crimson Wife]

Depends on the child. If someone could guarantee me that #4 wouldn't have any disabilities, I'd go for another bio child in a heartbeat.

 

There is a 25% chance that any future bio children we have would go progressively deaf like is happening to my 3rd child. And we don't have any answers yet for the autism.

 

We are open to the possibility of adoption at some point.

[rose]

We're incubating baby #7 at the moment. I think that they were all worth it. Some dreams may have to go but new ones arise.

[angelmama1209]

honestly? adding number 4 was my hardest transition. I don't know what it was, but it sent me over the edge for a while. She wasn't a difficult baby and is now my easiest, sweetest, most laid back child, but man, that first year was rough. Number 5 on the other hand? much more difficult baby, much easier transition. lol

[Desert Strawberry]

#4 is my easiest kid, hands down. He is the only one who is close in age to a sibling. My others are all 3 years apart. That was a different kind of a challenge. I was VERY sick at the time, too, and my then toddler was not doing well. But the baby himself was no challenge at all. 

For me, adding him in was a breeze. 

Logistically, not a big deal. One more car seat to buckle. I bought a double stroller. One more seat at the table. I already had a minivan. 

 

He is now 4 and we just started Jr K  yesterday. Teaching him alongside the others is easy enough. Really not a big deal. 
 

 

[fairfarmhand]

It all depends.

 

On the specific kids.

 

I would've just kept on having kids if my oldest wasn't the high needs, emotional, driven thing that she is. She takes more parenting energy than the other three combined. So there was also the chance that we could end up with another kid like her. GAH!

 

My oldest is 10 yrs older than my youngest. So by the time we had youngest, I was tired of baby. And I was dealing with toddler tantrums and teen tantrums and infants all at once.

 

So, my answer has to do with many variables that can;t be quantified. I love all my kids and can't picture my life without them but there was about 13 years where I was very very tired and my dh probably felt that he always came last.

 

(We have no family nearby, so it was all on us)

[LMD]

My 4th is nearly 2, my 1st is 10. Just when I feel like we should be ramping up her schoolwork, I have a very cheeky toddler messing everything (himself, house, schedule...)

 

I agree with the pp who said if you can homeschool through the baby/toddler part, folding them in as a student is a relief! I found that with #3, difficult personality - beautiful student!

[kaylin.booker]

I appreciate all the honest responses. The positive and not so positive. It's a risk isn't it? Will it be a girl or a boy should be the least of your questions. Will it be healthy? Will it be an easy baby or a difficult one? Will it sleep well or not? Will it learn quickly or difficultly? Will it like to eat food or will it be picky? Spewer? Colicky? It's the greatest lottery really!

 

 

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[Carrie12345]

Because of the age ranges, I didn't find adding more to be very difficult, but this is the 1st year I'll be *actively teaching 4 at once.  And two of mine work at the same level.  So, I'm really only planning 3 grades and one is kindy, which we don't do very formally.  By the time he hits 3rd/4th, 2 of mine will be mostly outsourced and getting ready to graduate.

[hollyhock]

When I added our 4th to our homeschool, I found it to be difficult. But I think that's because he wasn't reading at all in K and I had to sit with him to do everything. When my 3rd began school, he could already read and follow instructions on his own. I think that spoiled me. 

 

But I figured out a routine that would work and stuck with it, and it turned out ok. He's now going into 2nd and I'm hoping to foster a little more independence in him this fall but we shall see. I'm just glad that my youngest won't start K until he's in 5th! :lol:

[SparrowsNest]

My 4th baby was a breeze once we figured out I needed to eliminate dairy from my diet. He is just by his nature a very easy-going, happy guy, which definitely helps.

 

The hardest transitions for me were going from 0 to 1, which totally freaked me out, and then #8, who is 14m younger than #7, 32m younger than #6, and just would.not.sleep.

 

So, spacing and kiddo's personality are the determining factors, IMO.

[wintermom]

I have three kids. A BIG part of me wants just one more. I would, however have to convince my husband. He's not completely on board with the idea. Ok so he's not on board at all (yet).

 

I would never try to "convince" a spouse to have a child. Either they are 100% committed, or they aren't.  There are so many variables to consider when having any child; I don't think it matters how many children you already have.  

 

Our 4th was by far the most challenging right from his premature birth. Love the guy dearly and there are absolutely no regrets, but it has made homeschooling tougher, for sure. 

[Artichoke]

We have four. Personally, I think four is easier than three since there's always someone to pair off with. It would rotate, but the oldest and the youngest ( fifteen years difference ) would usually be together and then the other two who wee closer in age. It worked well for us.