A fulfilled life?

[PeacefulChaos]

I'm not sure 'fulfilled' is the right word.  

 

I guess I'm thinking about things that are sort of abstract, like passion for something or feeling like you have some sort of purpose.  I don't think these things are necessary in life, but I'm wondering if it's totally normal to be in a seeming constant state of discontent.

 

Are there things you love to do?  

 

Does doing those things make your life feel more full?  Do you feel more content, happier, etc because you are able to do these things?  If you have not been able to do these things in the past (maybe you didn't discover them yet, or maybe you couldn't do them for another reason), were there noticeable changes in the way you were affected by doing them vs. not?

 

 

There are things that I love to do but they aren't easy to come by.  I can't help but wonder if lacking these things makes me more prone to my feelings of unfulfillment (not a word I guess, sorry) and discontent.  

 

If I felt like I had a purpose in life, would that make life, for lack of a better word, easier?  If I had a passion that I was actually working for (not saying paid job, just in general), would that make it easier to get out of bed in the morning?  

 

I know I go through these same things all the time - I know I've posted about this multiple times on here, and I thank you all for putting up with me every few months as I ponder the meaningless-ness of my life.  :lol:  I'm sure some are really frustrated and want to smack some sense into me because I'm in a constant cycle of being okay-ish and being a total downer.  :P

 

I was telling the women at my Bible study the other night how I feel... I phrased it as me 'lacking motivation' but I really feel like maybe I'm lacking more than that.  I have a hard time getting out of bed, even if I'm awake, because there's just no real reason for me to.  What would I do with those extra hours in the day?  I don't know what people do to fill their time.  While I look around and feel like I see people who talk about 'not having time to ____', I'm always thinking to myself, 'What do these people find to do everyday?' (Disclaimer: These are people with lives very similar to mine: stay at home, homeschooling moms.  And I don't mean that in judgment... It's more of a wistful 'how can they find things to keep themselves busy while I can't?')  

 

I exercise on a regular basis.  I have a part time job.  I have great friends.  It's not like I don't 'get out' enough.

 

I just think life is boring.  I've said before, I really suck at just living life day to day.  I can do big things.  I can plan big vacations and big trips, on the rare occasions we get to take them.  I can plan field trips, whole school years at a time, and follow through.  But when it comes to following through on just living through another day, I'm not so great at it.  I'm just bored.  

 

I get bored watching tv.  I get bored reading books.  I get bored playing games.  So when I have down time - and summer feels like an endless supply of down time (but I don't want to have school all summer, either - and don't get me wrong, I get bored with that, too, but the kids are all old enough to do enough independently that it doesn't matter) - I drive myself crazy.  

 

 

The things that I really love to do, that I really enjoy, are neither one things that are feasible... ever.  :lol:  I love to travel.  I love to go new places and see new things (or old things, as the case may be ;)) - by myself or with my family.  I love taking the kids places (that's why I'm such a good field trip planner lol) - these places don't have to cost anything or anything like that.  I just like going out and doing stuff.  I don't really love doing the same stuff.  I like doing new things.  I loved going to Thailand.  I would live my life traveling the world if I could.

And I really loved being the music director back when our church (which we no longer attend, and they don't do musicals anymore anyway) did them.  I went to college for music but didn't finish.  Heck, I went to high school for music.  While I do love music in general, too, I really love the vocal/choral/conducting aspect of it.  As of late I have no musical outlet whatsoever - in the past I at least had worship team at church or something.  Our current church doesn't even do live worship.  This is really hard for me.  I think it's harder for me than I even imagined it would be.

 

We live in a small (very small - think around 8,000 people and I think that includes college students lol) rural community.  There are cities about an hour away from us on 2 sides, but those aren't huge, either.  We're about 3 hours from the beach; 1-2 from the mountains.

AKA there is literally nothing here.  :lol:

 

 

I know I have some other feelings wrapped up in these, too: we are struggling a lot financially because of medical bills.  Our financial situation is one that has pretty much always looked the same and that frustrates us a lot.  It's not a good outlook, ever.  We can always 'get by' (except right now, we can barely even do that), but that's about it.  Our house won't be here forever.  I'd like a house that I actually choose - whether we buy it or build it, I'd like something that I actually saw and loved enough to do so!  We still rent and there is very little for rent here for a decent cost because of the college...landlords see college students as walking dollar signs, and charge as much for rent as some house payments.  I know they are splitting the cost for a 3 bedroom between 3 or more students, so that makes it more manageable for them... but for regular families like us, it makes pretty much everything out of reach.  If I had that much money to spend on rent, I wouldn't spend it on rent!  :lol:  Where we are now we've been for 6.5 years, and it's fine, but like I said, here you have to just take what you can find and afford.  This was literally the only thing.  We were lucky when we stumbled upon it.  But even when we moved in, the facility that owns our house knew that in the upcoming years, they'd be tearing it down to expand their facilities.  We're still not in anything close to imminent danger - there are 3 houses around us still independently owned, and DH knows the CEO well and knows that there are no plans for expansion anytime soon.  At the time we moved in they guessed maybe 5-10 years; but honestly, we never thought we'd be here this long.  

I don't feel like the things that I'd like to have are outrageous.  I'd like a home that we chose for ourselves.  I know that looks different for everyone, and COL and everything is different everywhere, but we're looking at where we are financially and we just have no idea how it will ever come to fruition.  We're in our 30s now already!  DH has the highest position he can have at his job and doesn't make enough for us to move forward at all.  He puts in for work elsewhere (there's not much around here, so that includes anything up to 45+ minutes of commuting, whereas right now he walks to work) and there's just nothing that ever pans out.  It's either nothing available or they don't pay enough to make up for the cost of traveling, and we certainly can't afford to make less than we do now.  

 

So overall I know I'm feeling very stuck where we are, on all fronts.  Financially, physically... everything.  

 

 

But anyway, back to the point of the post - how do you find fulfillment in your life?  Like in your daily life?  

[regentrude]

I guess I'm thinking about things that are sort of abstract, like passion for something or feeling like you have some sort of purpose.  I don't think these things are necessary in life, but I'm wondering if it's totally normal to be in a seeming constant state of discontent.

 

Are there things you love to do?  

 

Does doing those things make your life feel more full?  Do you feel more content, happier, etc because you are able to do these things?  If you have not been able to do these things in the past (maybe you didn't discover them yet, or maybe you couldn't do them for another reason), were there noticeable changes in the way you were affected by doing them vs. not?

 

Yes, definitely. I am quite content with my life, and a big part of it is having found a job that I truly love. I would not call it my "purpose" in life, because I enjoy, and am good at, many things and can imagine doing something else - so it's not like this is my single overwhelming passion. But before I started teaching, I was never quite satisfied with my work; I always felt something missing and thought that maybe it's because I am not good enough at what I do. But the real reason was my personality type: as a strong extrovert, solitary research does not fulfill me, and teaching satisfies my strong need for interaction with people. So, I draw a large part of my feeling of contentment and fulfillment from a job I love and look forward to on most days. (Actually, most other people who I know to have a deep feeling of contentment with life are also in a job they truly enjoy.)

 

There are other things I love to do. I love music and need to sing in order to feel whole. I need time in nature to feel in balance, and if I don't hike or climb for a few  weeks, I notice that I am feeling unbalanced.

 

I had a very difficult time moving from my home town (800 years old, population 500,000, professional orchestras, opera house, museums, theatres, plus one of the best rock climbing areas of Europe nearby) to this small (16 k population when we moved here) rural town in the Midwest, two hours from the nearest city. It was a massive culture shock and it took me several years to make my peace with this location. I have learned to do without some of the things I loved, and I have made a conscious effort to seek out the good parts. I still miss climbing very much, but at least there are hills and forests for hiking and streams to canoe. I miss having so many cultural opportunities, but at least there are some things locally (we go to all), and we can drive into the city occasionally.

 

A big contribution to contentment for me are relationships: family, coworkers, friends. It has been hard to find friends; three times since we've been here, our best friends moved away. It took many years to find a circle of which I fell part of. But I draw a great feeling of fulfillment from my marriage and my relationship to my children; the times of active parenting are mostly over, and I am enjoying the young adults they have become. Homeschooling was a new and unplanned experience and a source of much joy.

 

So, I'm not quite sure whether this is the kind of answer you were looking for.

 

I can tell you that my DH definitely has a strong, sole passion for the work he does, and that he would be very unhappy without it. He probably feels a much stronger sense of purpose connected to his work than I do.

 

ETA:

 

 

I have a hard time getting out of bed, even if I'm awake, because there's just no real reason for me to.  What would I do with those extra hours in the day?  I don't know what people do to fill their time.  While I look around and feel like I see people who talk about 'not having time to ____', I'm always thinking to myself, 'What do these people find to do everyday?'

 

I have gone through a phase like this, and for me it was a sign that I was suffering from depression. You might want to talk to a mental health professional. I was lucky and managed to get well without medical intervention, but it took  me a year of hard soul searching, writing, introspection, and ultimately it was finding a work I enjoy that was what got me well.

Best wishes to you.

[texasmama]

You sound like a big city gal stuck in a small, country town.  (((hugs)))

 

I am not easily bored so I don't relate to that, but I do relate to finding fulfillment.  I am at my best with a short-term project which involves other people.  I am great in a crisis.  I loved being a lay doula.  I love the thought of hospice work.  I got meaning from my volunteer work with animal shelters and leading grief groups for people.   I enjoyed being an adjunct professor.  I enjoyed changing jobs and doing different things as a result.

 

I suspect I am probably a decade or so older than you, which has served to settle me down some.  :)  I have a dd in college, so that provides some perspective.  I do find meaning in my job of being a homeschooling mom.  I also know it is temporary.  These little ones and not so little ones will be moved on to other things soon enough.  I don't know what I will do with "the rest of my life", but I hope it involves something I truly enjoy and find fulfillment in.

 

What is your part-time job?

[PeacefulChaos]

I'm a receptionist :P.  Nothing exciting - got the job to pay for LASIK and Thailand.  I don't make much at it - nor do I really love it or anything - but it's something to get out of the house for, even if it is still sitting at a desk with nothing to do for a few hours at a time.  :lol:

[Chris in VA]

Have you ever taken a spiritual gifts inventory, or done any other interest inventories? Do you know your Myers-Briggs type?

I was thinking that, for me, when I am using my strengths/gifts/interests then I feel more fulfilled.

I have been a receptionist, for example, and it was...OMG, so boring. I walked dogs/pet sat for 4 years, and it was soul-crushing. But when I started teaching again, it was like I'd drunk an emotional Red Bull or something! lol  My physical, emotional and spiritual energy rebounded. I became enthusiastic and excited again. I will never, ever, seek out a job "just for $." It was great for bills, but horrible for my spirit.

 

Maybe you can find a new job that uses your strengths and interests, and will feed you inside.

 

Maybe you can change up what you feel you MUST do (homeschooling, taking care of chores, etc.) in some way to bring more light and life into the day-to-day.

 

Can you envision an ideal day in the situation you are in? Finding contentment where you are is impossible if you don't know what it looks like, I'm thinking. So what would it look like? What small things would make a difference to you? I'm thinking really small--things for me might be having a time for really good coffee or tea in the early morning, or making a spot of beauty I can consistently look at and enjoy, or making and keeping a date with my friends or my husband, or setting up a class I can look forward to. IDK what your "little things" might be, but perhaps thinking along those lines might help. Also looking at what hinders your contentment that you could change. I know that when I feel I'm not in control of big things, I can really feel in a rut and start getting depressed. Sometimes it helps me to be intentional about changing little "energy stealers" and checking things off my "anxiety list" (the list of things I am anxious about, even if I don't FEEL anxious about them--they rob me of energy and when I finally handle them, I notice a boost).

 

You do have my sympathies. There have definitely been times I've felt discontent, and I don't like feeling that way, because I know I'm being ungrateful. I know some of it is chemical depression, too, so I try to get outside and eat better (but I don't try hard very often). I hope you can think of some things that might help you.

[PeacefulChaos]

FTR, I'm not attached to the idea of keeping my job, or having a job at all.  Well, I don't mind the idea, but it isn't absolutely necessary once my LASIK is paid for (October).  

If DH were to find a job elsewhere, I would not be able to keep my job.  Right now our hours are opposite but most jobs wouldn't have him home at 4pm, which is when I go to work on the days I work during the week.  So that's another thing we factor in when it comes to him looking for another job... even though I don't make much (a few hundred dollars a month, at most), we have to make sure that we include that, too, in income lost if he goes to work elsewhere.

 

 

Oh, and I haven't ever done a spiritual gifts inventory.  I can't remember Meyers-Briggs... ENTJ?  Yikes I don't remember.  I know that on the Personality Plus tests I'm a Choleric.  Either a Choleric Sanguine or a Choleric Melancholy.  The older I've gotten the more the Sanguine has come up and the Melancholy has shrunk.

[forty-two]

I've experienced the cycle of alternating feeling ok with life with feeling like nothing matters and everything is pointless in a blah sort of way :grouphug:. (I also alternate between feeling like I am doing well at life and a frustrated raging at how I am fundamentally failing at life.) The frustrated raging and the everything-is-blah reactions can overlap; the main difference between the two is whether I have a concrete idea of what life I should live that I'm failing to reach (and I hate myself for my failure) or whether the problem is that I have *no* idea of what life I should be trying to live in the first place - I just have this aimless sense of fundamental boredom and absolutely no idea what to do about it. For me the low parts of the cycle correlate with feeling depressed, but the depression is more a symptom than a cause of the problem - the depression is my mind and body's reaction to being spiritually and morally adrift. (Although the depression isn't the root cause, there's a feedback cycle - feeling spiritually adrift causes me to feel depressed, and feeling depressed brings on feeling spiritually adrift.)

 

From a Christian perspective, I've come to see seeking fulfillment as the wrong goal for life. Fulfillment is only the highest good in a life that has been drained of the transcendent, that has been drained of any sense of a reality beyond the material world - a life that has been drained of all transcendent meaning and thus is desperately seeking whatever crumbs of this-worldly meaning might exist. It's a horrible, impoverished life - yet it is the dominant life in the modern world, where any hint of the transcendent, including how life should be lived in light of transcendent reality, has been banished from the public square and relegated to the inner, private life. And the sad, ridiculous thing is that even Christians, who believe in a transcendent God who orders all creation and life, end up the same way - with faith relegated to strictly otherworldly matters (however important they may be) and with daily life dominated by the impoverished search for something to give it meaning.

 

Last year I read a book on how American Lutherans (my tradition) have turned into practical atheists - how we lost the ability to let our faith inform our daily, this-worldly lives, and instead turned to the world for this-worldly wisdom. It really convicted me and opened my eyes to the complete moral and spiritual impoverishment and *meaninglessness* of my life. Since then I've read several books by other American Christians talking about the same thing in their traditions - how both American Catholics and evangelicals have become severed from their theological roots and are adrift. It's a huge crisis, and so many pastors and theologians are following the secular world and grabbing onto the (false) hope of fulfillment with both hands, declaring that the point of Christianity is to find this-worldly fulfillment - only *in Christ*.

 

Idk, it's a mess - but it explains so much about my chronic nagging sense of meaninglessness - because my life *was* fundamentally meaningless. I still don't feel like I know anything, but I've been going back to my theological roots and trying to recapture what has been lost - to get reconnected to historic Christian orthodoxy and recover what the Bible teaches is our purpose on this earth. Idk if this is any help, but hugs :grouphug:.

[Ausmumof3]

Is your music at a level where you could teach or so something with it to make a bit if extra income? That could give you some outlet for music and some extra money to save for travel. Or if it's not at a level to teach older kids could you do kinder music or something?

 

I notice a lot of music people really thrive when they get to be part of a performance every now and then.

 

I have been through the stuck feeling here and there. Like you are just wandering through life and wondering - is this really all there is to it?

 

Also the restless feeling of always looking forward to the next big thing. I think they are part of human life and mostly "something comes up" but if not it can end up making you depressed.

[elegantlion]

Without high speed internet, I would not be "content" in my small rural town of 10k. Right now I consider it a resting place because it is easy to be broke, be laid back, and be anonymous. 

 

I'm not really content, but I am moving toward my purpose. Writing fulfills me in a way nothing else ever has. I love being a parent, ds has always been my first priority. I put off pursuing writing more to focus on his education. Now I'm in college and he starts next month (already!). I'm not a writing major, I'm a history major and have found a love in medieval studies. I've focused on a specific area, my advisor is my mentor, and I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. BUT - that's a big but - I don't know how far I can take my studies. My personal life is tied to this region. I can finish my BA but that won't allow access to really obscure areas I want to study. I need to do a Master's, which would require a different school and probably moving. 

 

Part of me things I'll use my BA to find a job and write in my spare time. Part of me wants to go to England to do my Master's. There are a lot of reasons why that's not the best option really. 

 

I have 3 more years to figure it out. I like school, at least the structure, the feedback on my writing, getting good grades. 

 

[PrincessMommy]

I've experienced the cycle of alternating feeling ok with life with feeling like nothing matters and everything is pointless in a blah sort of way :grouphug:. (I also alternate between feeling like I am doing well at life and a frustrated raging at how I am fundamentally failing at life.) The frustrated raging and the everything-is-blah reactions can overlap; the main difference between the two is whether I have a concrete idea of what life I should live that I'm failing to reach (and I hate myself for my failure) or whether the problem is that I have *no* idea of what life I should be trying to live in the first place - I just have this aimless sense of fundamental boredom and absolutely no idea what to do about it. For me the low parts of the cycle correlate with feeling depressed, but the depression is more a symptom than a cause of the problem - the depression is my mind and body's reaction to being spiritually and morally adrift. (Although the depression isn't the root cause, there's a feedback cycle - feeling spiritually adrift causes me to feel depressed, and feeling depressed brings on feeling spiritually adrift.)

 

From a Christian perspective, I've come to see seeking fulfillment as the wrong goal for life. Fulfillment is only the highest good in a life that has been drained of the transcendent, that has been drained of any sense of a reality beyond the material world - a life that has been drained of all transcendent meaning and thus is desperately seeking whatever crumbs of this-worldly meaning might exist. It's a horrible, impoverished life - yet it is the dominant life in the modern world, where any hint of the transcendent, including how life should be lived in light of transcendent reality, has been banished from the public square and relegated to the inner, private life. And the sad, ridiculous thing is that even Christians, who believe in a transcendent God who orders all creation and life, end up the same way - with faith relegated to strictly otherworldly matters (however important they may be) and with daily life dominated by the impoverished search for something to give it meaning.

 

Last year I read a book on how American Lutherans (my tradition) have turned into practical atheists - how we lost the ability to let our faith inform our daily, this-worldly lives, and instead turned to the world for this-worldly wisdom. It really convicted me and opened my eyes to the complete moral and spiritual impoverishment and *meaninglessness* of my life. Since then I've read several books by other American Christians talking about the same thing in their traditions - how both American Catholics and evangelicals have become severed from their theological roots and are adrift. It's a huge crisis, and so many pastors and theologians are following the secular world and grabbing onto the (false) hope of fulfillment with both hands, declaring that the point of Christianity is to find this-worldly fulfillment - only *in Christ*.

 

Idk, it's a mess - but it explains so much about my chronic nagging sense of meaninglessness - because my life *was* fundamentally meaningless. I still don't feel like I know anything, but I've been going back to my theological roots and trying to recapture what has been lost - to get reconnected to historic Christian orthodoxy and recover what the Bible teaches is our purpose on this earth. Idk if this is any help, but hugs :grouphug:.

 

I also have an ebb and flow of contentment and dissatisfaction.  Lately, I've felt like life is pretty pointless.  I feel...stuck these days.  I'm at a point in my life where I really cannot change the circumstances, and I'm trying really hard to figure out how to be okay with that.

 

Also, (totally off topic - so you can PM if you want) but, what is the name of the book you read?  I'm not Lutheran...but I'm curious since my BIL is fairly active in the LCMS.  Just wondering if it's a name I recognize

 

[forty-two]

I also have an ebb and flow of contentment and dissatisfaction.  Lately, I've felt like life is pretty pointless.  I feel...stuck these days.  I'm at a point in my life where I really cannot change the circumstances, and I'm trying really hard to figure out how to be okay with that.

 

Also, (totally off topic - so you can PM if you want) but, what is the name of the book you read?  I'm not Lutheran...but I'm curious since my BIL is fairly active in the LCMS.  Just wondering if it's a name I recognize

 

 

:grouphug:  I'll go ahead and answer here just in case anyone else is interested (it's a really awesome book :thumbup:, especially if you are Lutheran, or a Protestant Christian interested in Circe and educating for virtue): The Case for Character: Towards a Lutheran Virtue Ethics, by Joel Biermann (he's a professor at Concordia Seminary); he also has a website with videos for the book: http://acaseforcharacter.com/ .

 

[Gentlemommy]

OP, I often feel the same way. Reading along...

[Halcyon]

I dont have time to respond in full now, but ((hugs)). I do know how you feel (but for different reasons). That feeling of lack of purpose, I mean.

 

I will respond more later, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

[Jenny in Florida]

But anyway, back to the point of the post - how do you find fulfillment in your life?  Like in your daily life?  

 

I don't really. Not now.

 

In general, I'm a planner. In StrengthsFinder speak, I'm futuristic. I like brainstorming and planning stuff. When I was actively homeschooling and being a full-time, hands-on mom, there were always things to plan, and I was convinced that what I was doing was important and meaningful. Yes, it was often frustrating, and I often failed to meet my own expectations, but over all, I felt competent and needed.

 

Since my kids put me out to pasture, I just kind of feel like I'm filling time.

 

Like you, I work. I get through the days. I see people. I do things. I read books. I walk with my dog. But none of it feels meaningful, and I just float through most of it most of the time.

 

Sorry, I wish I had something helpful, but I'm afraid the best I can do is let you know you're not alone.

[PeacefulChaos]

Thanks, everyone, for your responses thus far!!

 

 

Quick question:  Is there a reliable, realistic meyers briggs test that can be done free online?  Just curious.  I've taken a few different ones online and I come up with different answers every time.  :P

[Ottakee]

Have you tried any volunteer work? That could help fill your time and give you purpose.

[Chalex]

Something that helped me years ago was the Artist's Way.  (original book/program)

http://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-Julia-Cameron/dp/1585421464/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1437432495&sr=1-1&keywords=artist%27s+way

 

Worth a try.

 

 

[Halcyon]

HI-

I never had a moment to get back to this, but do now, so better late than never. 

 

Fulfillment is very hard for me to find--I am a seeker, constantly changing my plans on what fulfills me, what i need, what makes me happy. I am never really content for more than 6 months at something--it's a miracle I stuck with homeschooling this long LOL (probably because it changes all the time and I am constantly learning new things). Religion does play a role for me, an important one, but right now, I am not in a good place so it feels a bit hopeless.

 

I guess I am still trying to figure out the meaning of life  :huh:

[JadeOrchidSong]

I find fulfillment in teaching. I was a teacher turned into a homeschooler. When I was bored a few years ago when my boys were a toddler and a baby, I volunteered to teach English writing and speaking to moms with little children. Recently I found fulfillment in teaching homeschool moms to make Chinese dumplings. I am offering to teach this along with a friend who will teach spring roll making at my church and am inviting my neighbors (don't know if they are believers, but this is a low key social cooking event, so no one will feel out of place if they like to cook and eat). I love doing interpretation. I may do on-call hospital or court interpretation for pay.

I may want to go into writing, too. I like to write.

[Rosie_0801]

Mm. I think the point of life is to self actualise and help others do the same if possible (without being too obnoxious about it. )

 

Being very much a work in process, I am not lacking in er, options for improvement. Some I can work on now, some I can't work on now. Mostly, though, being something of an Elinor (Sense and Sensibility) as long as I can do my duty, have frequent encounters with other people's thoughts and achieve something now and then (finishing a book will do) I'm ok.

 

 

The OP sounds like she needs a career in event planning or fundraising, or both!

[MaeFlowers]

OP, I could have written much of your post. I completely get the lack of motivation and not wanting to get out of bed some days. I feel like its that movie, Groundhog Day, and, yeah, I get to do yesterday all over today. Awesome.

Anyway...I started taking a Coursera course in June called A Life of Happiness and Fulfillment. It's pretty interesting. I don't know if you would enjoy it but it is free and might be worth a shot. It has at least given me some good ideas to think about.

 

 

Sent from my 0PJA2 using Tapatalk

[Guest]

Well, a couple of years ago I was kind of adrift in a way that resonates with the OP.  I decided I had to do something and there was a woman I knew who was *completely* overwhelmed, and her son needed rides to his activities.  So to "serve my friend" I decided I could do that part about taking her son to his activities.  I got nothin' but time and a great car.  :0)

 

Bottom line, because I don't want to divulge too much of what is not my story, *the blessing turned out to be mine*--when I thought I would serve someone else, I got a new friend, a new "step-godson", a new hobby, a new way of looking at my own life and life in general, and a lot of joy back in my life.  Oh yeah, it helped my friend, but probably on a 10:1 ratio, I was the winner.  

 

I took that step because a friend of mine told me that the way out of the blues/purposelessness is to find someone to help, a way to serve.  I think she was right, and so I'm passing this along to you.  :0)  

 

 

[Ottakee]

[quote name="Patty Joanna" post="6482

 

I took that step because a friend of mine told me that the way out of the blues/purposelessness is to find someone to help, a way to serve. I think she was right, and so I'm passing this along to you. :0)

 

That is great. I am that overwhelmed with driving mom sometimes. I have 3 special needs olders that can't drive and an 11 year old foster boy with 4 appointments a week for visits and counseling. I would LOVE someone to volunteer to give any of my kids rides.

 

OP I am betting that even in a small town there are foster, adoptive, single parents etc that could use help like that. If cost is a concern often times the agency will pay mileage. For me it is more the sheer amount of time I have to spend in the car most days. One day about 2 weeks ago I drove over 200 miles in a day and no trip was over 25 miles.... I just made that many trips. Yesterday was 4 different trips out and one trip was a loop of 3 different cities.

[MotherGoose]

Is there a theater or a music department at the college where you could volunteer? Could you start a music ministry at your church?

[kroe1]

I believe we all need some degree of discontent. It is what keeps us motivated to learn, to change, to improve. If we ever become totally content, then we run the risk of stagnating which cycles us back to discontent. I think of discontentment as my motivator.

 

Some of the other posters said that fulfillment for then comes from helping others. I couldn't agree more. Helping others allows me to validate my own life as well as not feel guilty for taking time off just for me. I chose a job which includes helping others. Then, after work I feel fulfilled. But, I also feel like I have "earned" some time for me to engage in hobbies like digital scrapbooking, or swimming, or whatever selfish passion I want to engage in my time off. I do not, therefore, feel guilty for doing a guilty pleasure, if that makes sense.

 

Finally, two other things are extremely important for me to find purpose. First, is my religion. I am not super actively religious, but I find peace in my beliefs. Second, is physical exercise. Just running outside in the neighborhood or jumping on the bike can totally turn a blah day into a special one for me. It is a challenge, if you will.

 

My grandmother, the wisest woman who ever lived, used to tell me that everyday there must be some goals, and they didn't include cleaning toilets or making beds even though that had to be done, too.

 

1. Learn something.

2. Love something.

3. Help something.

4. Pray something.

5. Challenge something.

 

I have no clue what the order of importance is. Lol.

 

OP, I hope you find something that changes the way you feel soon. Not having money certainly is a huge obstacle in the pursuit of happiness.

[JadeOrchidSong]

Patty Joanna,

I totally agree with you!

When dc were both under 3, I felt so depressed and bored that I had to do something. So I satrted to teach English to visiting scholars' wives with little children once a week and joined MOPS. It was great to help those moms to learn English and to connect with many moms with young children.

I find joy in welcoming and loving my new and old neighbors by bringing over pies, cookies, and tamales, and lending them things they need. It feels good to make my neighborhood a safer, warmer place. My church community is very neighbor loving in the biblical way.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I do not mean for this to sound evangelical, but just wanted to share my experience.  

 

Prior to reverting to religion, I had a lot of questions of fulfilment.  A lot of wondering when I'd get back to "real" work after I started having kids, a lot of wondering about whether or not I was "making a difference" on some large, objective scale of society, whether or not I was a "success", etc.  I was happy because I'm a naturally happy person, but I spent a lot of time wondering if I was maximally fulfilled, whatever that might imply.  

 

When I started researching the Catholic faith, I was particularly struck by the idea of vocation- that motherhood was, or could be, a vocation that was valuable ALL BY ITSELF.  It's like I had needed the permission to believe that and once I had that permission, I felt a total peace with my life choices.  I now take my job as mother seriously and expect others to respect me for it as well.  Being who I am, and having a positive effect on my very loyal sphere of influence is now *enough*.  It's a very wonderful feeling.  

 

That doesn't mean I don't want to grow as a person.  I miss the days when I was a very fit, athletic woman, and I hope to be that again.  I have developed interests that I never had earier in life, and I hope perhaps I may pursue them someday (midwifery).  I have left a few interests simmering on the back of the stove, and as my kids get older, I hope to get back to them (writing).  But I am ok being in the stage I am in life, where I am almost wholly consumed by mothering and teaching.  

 

Anyway, that's where I am.  I value the work I do at home, and that helps me feel valuable and like I am contributing.  

 

 

[Crimson Wife]

For a long time I felt unsure of what my calling in life really was aside from being a mom (which I love, but have always felt is a season in my life). In high school and the first two years of college, I aspired to be a pediatrician because I loved science and wanted to help kids. But I realized halfway through my 1st BA that medicine was too family-unfriendly a career. I didn't want to be stuck in grad school and residency until age 30 and then have to work FT to pay off $$$$$$ in student loans. So I finished up my degree (psychology and human biology, which I picked based on finding the subject matter interesting). I took a language development course as part of my psych degree and found it fascinating but working as a speech & language pathologist never crossed my mind. I wouldn't have had the patience back then to be any good at it even if I had.

 

Fast forward to a couple years ago and I started exploring careers related to psychology or education. I knew by that point that God was calling me to help special needs kids but I wasn't sure how. I decided this past winter to apply to a local university for their master's in educational therapy program. A friend of mine was doing it and it sounded like it was something that gave a lot of flexibility after graduation since I could go work in the schools as a reading specialist, have my own private practice, or even go work at a college providing academic support.

 

Right in the middle of getting my application together, we found out about my youngest's hearing loss. I decided the best way to help her was to become a speech & language therapist. I can still get certification as an educational therapist with a master's in SLP so long as I complete the right courses. It'll take me longer to get my degree in SLP than it would've for the master's in ed therapy but this is really what I feel God's purpose for my life is. I went to a parent-child workshop at a school for the deaf in June that included some coaching by a SLP. She oversees a lot of SLP students when they come to the school to do their practica and she said that I had a real knack for speech therapy.

 

I tuly hope you can find your calling without as big of a trial as your child having major disabilities. But I read a very inspiring quote in the book Disability and the Gospel by Rev. Michael Beates. It was about how God uses adversity the way a sculptor uses a chisel to fashion a beautiful statue from a block of marble.

[JadeOrchidSong]

Crimson Wife, your post is beautiful and inspiring! Thank you!