sassenach Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 And I'm freaking exhausted. This is bat sh*t crazy land. She is forwarding me his texts so we have a record of them, and it's insane. I am just super thankful that she didn't marry him. Unfortunately, they did have a baby together, but dad isn't on the BC. Whew. And all the while I just keep praying that I don't get a phone call that they, "had a talk and everything is going to be better now." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Not to be a downer or anything, but if he wants visitation, etc., the fact that he is not on the BC isn't going to mean much. If he wants to make her life miserable for the next 18 years, he still can. I am not sure that not marrying him has really saved her much in the long run. Best of luck to your friend, though, and good for you both for documenting. You may want to ask a marital attorney in your state how to preserve texts so that they are admissible in court. She may need them in a custody hearing. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 There's a situation in my extended family with a non-BC father who is gearing up to go for at least 50% custody after 6 years. All it takes is a petition to establish paternity. And I could absolutely see an NPD jumping all over that!I hope your friend will talk to a very good lawyer. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 She went into see a lawyer yesterday, so I know she's covering her butt. Good tip on asking about legally preserving the texts. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 I don't know if it is the same where you are, but here, DV towards a partner doesn't count in child custody cases. She really needs to learn her legal obligations. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksr5377 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Because my sister is with an NPD, I also hope you don't get the "We talked and everything's WONDERFUL now!" phone call. BTDT too many times. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIOnly Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 :grouphug: I've been there, and it is so very exhausting. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EndOfOrdinary Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 As someone who has a child and the biological father is not on the birth certificate, each state has a designation of abandonment time. After a certain amount of time when a parent can become incolved, but openly chooses not to, the state can declare them as abandoning rights. My Facebook page is directly open to be searched so that if Bio Dad wante to find us, he could. My cell phone number is the same. I hyphenated my name when I got married so that I could be found easily. There are actual provisions to be taken to make sure you are really avaliable. Provisions are put in place if said parent magically decides they wants to reappear. My son will be 11 in October. Bio dad has never been on the scene. On my son's 11th birthday, the time allotment will have been exhausted. Bio dad can petition for rights, but it will be extremely lengthy of a process for him to be taken very seriously in court at this point. This only applies if she NEVER accepts any form of assistence. Assistence in any form counts as parental involvement in our state. She should talk with an attorney and find out all the various details. But honestly, I had no idea until I talked with a lawyer about the various things I can do to make a case for myself in court if things ever decided to get ugly. Even then, the lawyer was quite upfront that there is very little I could do if Bio Dad decided to actually follow through. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 It is true a bio dad cannot be kept from his child ( few exceptions). But unmarried, with his name not on bc puts the burden on him to establish his rights. Most won't do this because they don't want to have to pay cs. Sad but true. Those types give good dads a bad name. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I've been on the other side of the not on the BC with a family member. He hasn't been able to get any paternity rights despite the fact that he's definitely the father. He hasn't seen the child in years now and it's heartbreaking. It takes money. Not a ton, but enough that if you don't have any, it's nowhere near as easy as people are making it sound upthread. I think a lot of this may depend on state laws though. Just something to keep in mind. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 It is true a bio dad cannot be kept from his child ( few exceptions). But unmarried, with his name not on bc puts the burden on him to establish his rights. Most won't do this because they don't want to have to pay cs. Sad but true. Those types give good dads a bad name. However, someone with NPD doesn't necessarily think pragmatically. If he can keep GF stirred up for 18 years by bids for visitation, custody, etc., that would not be out of the range of expectations. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 So far, she's been told that he'll have to spend about 5k to get his name on the BC. He's in the middle of a nasty divorce and custody battle (I know), so at least for the moment, his money is being drained elsewhere. Currently, he's vacillating between telling her that she's cheating (with a 4 week old baby) and a ton of nasty, explicative laden texts about how horrible and worthless she is, and then asking her to come over and take a shower with him, he loves her, etc. Oh, and she needs to pay his cable bill. It's sick. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 My sister's ex is NPD. He is insane. Forces his visitation rights even though the children cry and cling to their mom and beg not to have to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Wow, pay his cable bill after the shower??? She is really in for a long road. My dh's ex was a lot like this. SHE was the cheater, but always acusing him and later her other boyfriends. She never owned anything, and she could never understand why no one believes anything she says, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I hope she is able to find the strength to move on and make a life for herself and new baby. That is my hope, but as you fear and know the possibility of her going back with him is there. I hope she finds support and considers some sort of counseling; NPD people know how to manipulate people who care(ed) for them. So far, she's been told that he'll have to spend about 5k to get his name on the BC. He's in the middle of a nasty divorce and custody battle (I know), so at least for the moment, his money is being drained elsewhere. Currently, he's vacillating between telling her that she's cheating (with a 4 week old baby) and a ton of nasty, explicative laden texts about how horrible and worthless she is, and then asking her to come over and take a shower with him, he loves her, etc. Oh, and she needs to pay his cable bill. It's sick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 However, someone with NPD doesn't necessarily think pragmatically. If he can keep GF stirred up for 18 years by bids for visitation, custody, etc., that would not be out of the range of expectations. Yes this is true. Crazy can be difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Oh my. This whole time, I was thinking that title said "NYPD" and I kept thinking, "do New York cops have a reputation for being crazy or something?" I was starting to feel a little offended on behalf of the wives of cops, NY or otherwise. It all makes much more sense now!!! :lol: I hope your friend can extricate herself soon and cleanly. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cottonwood Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 My brother is divorcing his NPD-wife (we all know she has it BAD, but no official diagnosis yet) of 25 yrs and her crazy behavior rivals the worst Jerry Springer show. Or..whatever is worse than that show...she beats it by a long way. They have 3 kids, she cheated (5 guys have come forward so far), she is using the kids against him every chance she gets and her lawyer is even about to fire HER. He is having such a hard time trying to to deal with her as he tries to manage his relationship with the kids (ages 16 to 11). But as I see her wild behavior and the physical attacks on him every chance she gets (kids usually hold her down..yeah), I REALLY wish for your sister to also make a solid break from her ex boyfriend. I am almost glad his money is going towards his divorce, so that maybe he won't get a chance to challenge the paternity of this baby. That is so bad to think, I KNOW... but as I watch my brother's drama unfolding, I can't help but to think that getting away from a NPD ex at almost any cost, has to be better on the kids. Especially the younger the better. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 So far, she's been told that he'll have to spend about 5k to get his name on the BC. He's in the middle of a nasty divorce and custody battle (I know), so at least for the moment, his money is being drained elsewhere. Currently, he's vacillating between telling her that she's cheating (with a 4 week old baby) and a ton of nasty, explicative laden texts about how horrible and worthless she is, and then asking her to come over and take a shower with him, he loves her, etc. Oh, and she needs to pay his cable bill. It's sick. Hah! I think only people who have lived with someone with NPD can truly appreciate the insanity. I can't wait to look back on it because my kids' dad is still nuts. Oh, well. I have to laugh now. "You ruined my life because you are the loseringest loser of all the losers and you're FAT! If only we were back together. You're better than all the other ugly people. Can I have $5?" I swear to god, every narcissistic ex ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 A friend's ex won't put him on the BC and is refusing paternity testing, he wants to have rights but he can't get a judge to order the tests. In his county only the mother or DCS can ask for testing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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