Moms of Many (4+) with older kids (13+) - Chores

[BlsdMama]

Have you EVER had a chore chart system that:

 

1. Works

2. Works without Mom constantly micro-managing

3. You've had it work (fairly consistently) for AT LEAST A YEAR.

 

 

I need to know if it can be done.  LOL.  Seriously.

 

I've made some unbelievably beautiful charts.  Not ONE system has ever lasted over the long haul.  I feel like re-vamping but I think it might be a passing fancy of another dead, pretty system.

[Guest]

Sorry, no. Even my responsible oldest girl needs reminded, nagged, bribed and threatened to get her bathroom clean. It sucks.

 

Eta-so I don't leave you with an "all hope is lost!" message, I have had luck with routines and I tell my younger sisters to establish good routines with their toddlers so maybe they won't have to nag like I do. Routines are hard for me.

[Murphy101]

I've never done a chart. Ever. Because you know what I'd have to do if I had a chart? Maintain the blasted chart.

 

I assign chores about every 6 months-ish. They are taught how I expect it to be done and we do the bulk of chores every morning before or after breakfast. (Usually after unless they go through some phase of needing food motivation to get their job done.)

 

This has mostly worked for us for many years.

[AK_Mom4]

Nothing very complicated ever worked.  We did have one that lasted about four years but only because it was VERY simple - rotating four kids thru 3 chores at dinner time.  The assigned chore changed every Sunday and no swapping was allowed.  I posted it on a sheet of paper on the fridge and it stayed there.  If some kid was sick or away, I did their chore.

 

Anything with any level of complexity was a total failure.

[fairfarmhand]

Sorry, No.

 

 

I just make a list and start delegating. I have to tell my dd to feed the chickens every stinking day for the past 3 years or she still wouldn't do it. My dd would never clean the bathroom (SHE'S 17) unless I mention it.

[Guest]

Sorry, No.

 

 

I just make a list and start delegating. I have to tell my dd to feed the chickens every stinking day for the past 3 years or she still wouldn't do it. My dd would never clean the bathroom (SHE'S 17) unless I mention it.

This reminds me--I had to remind DS to put on deodorant EVERY DAY for 3 YEARS!! Wth?!? How do you remember every razafrazzing Pokemon but can't remember that you need to wear the deodorant that is sitting on your dresser?!?

[Rebel Yell]

(I only have 3, but answering anyway)

 

Nope.

 

And I have a giant pink post-it note on the bathroom mirror listing the days of the week each girl must empty the trash can in there. One of them remembers (the one who is grossed out by an overflowing trash can) but the others?  I actually have put replacement bags on their beds with cute medium-sized posty notes telling them how an empty rashcan is a happy trashcan. :glare:

 

LOL, and we joke with Diamond that her future roommate will likely become a master at leaving passive-aggressive notes in the kitchen about dishes. :cursing:

 

Oh- some maybe-helpful advice: I do assign dish nights based on the girls' usual schedules- they wash didshes on their night with no outside activities. That helps.

[BlsdMama]

I've never done a chart. Ever. Because you know what I'd have to do if I had a chart? Maintain the blasted chart.

 

I assign chores about every 6 months-ish. They are taught how I expect it to be done and we do the bulk of chores every morning before or after breakfast. (Usually after unless they go through some phase of needing food motivation to get their job done.)

 

This has mostly worked for us for many years.

This.

 

 

Honestly, the kids are pretty great at doing anything I ask.  They keep their rooms clean-ish, they bathe :D, they help with laundry, clear table after meals, and do dishes at night most nights. 

 

We're finding the more we have to do during the week, the less "real" cleaning that gets done - deep cleaning bathrooms, cleaning coat closet and mud room, dusting, under beds, washing sheets, etc.   So we were thinking of some kind of checklist/chart / something to help manage this for the weekends.

 

But... The chart.  I've never had a chart in which I haven't had to be the Master of the Plan and constantly be driven by it and drive everyone else.

 

 

I think the biggest problem I'm up against is that I was VERY intentional about training my older kids on HOW to do specific chores - like the PROPER way to clean a bathroom.  And it's slipping as these chores get handed down to middles.  I think I need a two week bootcamp to train the middles to properly clean bathrooms every day! :)

[lllll]

..

[Heather in OK]

This has worked in our family (four children) for years.    I made and laminated eight index cards (kitchen, litter box, vacuum/sweep, trash, bathroom, dusting, dinner - helping mama, laundry) that tell the job and instructions (put those on back when they were younger and were in the learning stage).  Each Monday someone shuffles and deals the cards into four piles.  :)  Those are the two jobs they do for the week.  

If they get a job they had the previous week, they can keep it or trade with a sibling if that sibling is willing. 

 

Sometimes the person dealing out the cards will recognize that E. had litter box the last one or two weeks and will just go ahead and swap it with something else so she doesn't have to do the litter box *again*.  

Now that they are older I've been thinking about revamping it.  Adding more responsibility, etc.  I really like 23dn's system!!  

[Ottakee]

The thing that has worked the best for me is printed out chore charts for each child for each day.  I spent a while typing them up for each child.  They have morning, before fun, and before bed chores.  I DO include things like DEODORANT, brush teeth, etc. even though the youngest is 11.  They need that on their charts.  Evening part has take shower, etc. on it for the ones that sitll need reminders.

 

Each child has a 1/2 sheet per day so it does add up with printing as that is 3 sheets x 4 kids so 12 sheets a week.  Each child also has a few blank spots on their chart where I can write in anything extra.  When I am really organized I have the Motivated moms list and I can add those things to their charts.

 

The written list seems to take me out of the middle and I don't nag, I just ask if their list is done when they ask for something to go somewhere, etc.  

 

They MAY skip out on a chore if they want but then they have to pay a sibling to do the chore for $1/chore.  That is usually quite motivating. 

[Rachel]

Not as a parent, but as a kid my mom implemented a zone system in our house.

 

We had 6 kids (one significantly younger) so the house was divided in 5 zones and after supper each night we picked out zone. We did that for 4-5 years. I no longer remember the zones but I think 2 kids cleaned up the meal, one wiped down bathrooms, one vacuumed upstairs, and one vacuumed downstairs. Everyone helped pickup. We always did this right after supper and all the jobs took about the same amount of time. I don't recall what my youngest brother did but he would have been 5 or younger at the time so he probably "helped" someone or played. I think we all had a job we preferred because I don't remember arguing about which job we took (my parents may remember otherwise :)). My dad usually swept the kitchen and my mom mopped when it was needed.

 

Other jobs around the house were assigned on an individual basis as needed.

[Murphy101]

Oh yeah. I don't have the olders train the youngers. I train each of them in their chores when I give the chore.

 

I don't have deep cleaning chores. Every so often, quarterly-ish?, I declare a cleaning binge and we clean out every closet and toy box and nook and cranny.

 

Beds and major room cleaning is done every week or so. Usually on some weekend afternoon. Usually it goes something like this. I tell them EVERY night to clean their room before bed. EVERY night they say they are/did. About 60-75% of the time that's actually entirely true and done with excellence. So at some point the 25-40% piles up until that moment when I'm heading up the stairs and picking up stuff along the way, picking up stuff in the hall up there, and then I turn into one of the rooms and UNHOLY LAND OF MORDOR what the blazes kind of pigsty are they living in!?! There is much gnashing of teeth and exhortations and threats of leaf trash bags being brought up and children start running here and there saying "what mess?!" and "that's not MY mess" and an hour later things are set to rights again.

 

It's not formally planned out, but it gets done. Eventually. Sorta. Usually.

[fairfarmhand]

I tell them EVERY night to clean their room before bed. EVERY night they say they are/did. About 60-75% of the time that's actually entirely true and done with excellence. So at some point the 25-40% piles up until that moment when I'm heading up the stairs and picking up stuff along the way, picking up stuff in the hall up there, and then I turn into one of the rooms and UNHOLY LAND OF MORDOR what the blazes kind of pigsty are they living in!?! There is much gnashing of teeth and exhortations and threats of leaf trash bags being brought up and children start running here and there saying "what mess?!" and "that's not MY mess" and an hour later things are set to rights again.

 

 

I had to snicker at this. This is totally my husband. I'm the one who really doesn't care what state the kids' rooms are in, but he can't stand it.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Charts have been a fail here, too.

 

My best success has come from assigning a job to a kid for a year or more. By rotating all around they all eventually learn to do everything. The wage earning kids have fewer household chores but must keep up 100% of their own stuff.

 

Right now the long term jobs look like this:

 

#1 son: wash dishes once per day and tend to all auto maintenance

#2 son: clean bathrooms once per week and process two loads of laundry per day

#3 son: kitchen helper/sous chef, also in charge of trash and recyclables

#4 son: sweep floors, dust main rooms, fold laundry, tidy schoolroom daily

[MicheleinMN]

I had a rotating chore chart with my three step-daughters that worked relatively okay.  With the younger six I opted to assign chores for a year.  It used to work fairly well, but I notice that the quality of workmanship has gone significantly downhill in the last few months.  Probably time to revamp the system.

 

Edited to explain chore system.

 

We had 3 sets of chores.  Each girl had a chore set for the week.  If the chore wasn't done or done well, then when the job rotated to the next girl she would complain and usually the girl who had shirked her duty got to do BOTH chores for the next week.  (I think this happened all of 2 times over the course of about 3 years.)  While things may not have gotten done well daily, at least, they usually got cleaned pretty well once a week. ;)

[skimerinkydo]

1. yes

2. NO

3. NO

 

Nothing lasts. Everything requires reminders. Even with reminders some of them just blow off chores now that they are older. Four kids ages 12, 17, 17, 18. Two simple charts: daily after dinner clean-up chart, Weekly household chore chart. Rotate weekly.

 

It has gotten worse in the last 4 months since Dad has been working at home.(I wonder if his non-involvement in anything household plays a part?) Part of the problem is that they are all in public school and the demands on their time is great.  We are too busy.

 

However, they each do their own laundry including their own bath towel.

 

This week I've contemplated not cooking. I have pushed for two kids to get summer jobs away at summer camps this summer. I find myself wondering if the house will be cleaner when my oldest leaves for college in the fall.

[BusyMom5]

My system goes like this- when it's time to clean EVERYONE cleans.  You do what I tell you to, and when you are finished you come back for your next task.  Everyone works for 1 hour.  If you get caught slacking, add 15 minutes ;)  I am the delegator, and I usually assign one kid to be my helper w/ the bigger chores.  Mine aren't quite as old, though, ranging from 4 to 12, but even set chores to do daily didn't work.  I will also sometimes make buddy teams, one older w/ one younger, to do chores together.  I like the idea of a PP to make zones in the house!  I may try that one out!
 

[busymama7]

Yes.

 

9 kids ages 7 months -18 years

 

What works for us is to NOT rotate.  I assign zones and they are responsible for EVERY LAST POSSIBLE mess or chore in that area.  Living room, family room, mud room, stairs and upstairs, tile(has to mop 2x a week) and kids bathroom.  Downstairs half bath is assigned to the oldest girl who is the only one who got her own room when we moved 18 months ago and she knows if she doesnt keep it clean (cleaning 2x per week) we will take away that privilege and put her somewhere else.  We change zones once a year or less.  This eliminates finding stuff undone or not done well and them blaming it on the kids who had that job last week.  That was a recipe for disaster. 

 

The kitchen is different.  For 6-12 months we gave up assigning clean up jobs and just required everyone to be in the kitchen after all meals till it was done.  I helped too but mainly stood there and directed EVERY single possible step of all jobs.  Anyone who finished was assigned another task and the dreaded task of dishes just went to whoever I felt like it that day (although I did try to be fair and rotate)  The purpose of this was to rid them of the idea that some things werent their responsibility (But its not my job..... was driving us batty)  After that LONG training period I did make another chart.  Each older kid has dishes for 1-2 days per week.  The other 3 have either floors, counters or "alternate" each day.  The 5 year old wipes the high chair, the 6 year old clears and washes the table and the 9 year old unloads the dishwasher.  Every. single. meal.  The floors and counters are obvious, but the "alternate" big kid fills in for anyone who isnt there or is sick etc and makes sure the youngest ones do their jobs.  If everyone is present then the alternate cleans the microwave and the trash can (since missing days on those tasks arent a big deal but they still get done often enough)  My oldest who is in CC and working only has dishes on sunday when he is home to do them.

 

It honestly is crazy seamless now.  When I was recovering from baby I could just say clean the kitchen and in 15-20 it was DONE.  and usually to my standards.  I usually do not supervise kitchen clean up at all anymore.  They just do it.  In the event that only 1-2 are available I just say get it done.  Dont leave till its clean and they just do.  Often the younger 3 will get assigned stuff to help beyond their normal jobs to get it done quicker (usually by another kid since Im rarely involved at all).  I think the reason this worked is they got intensive training in what exactly a clean kitchen is and whats required and mostly we trained out the complaining attitude or the idea that they only had to do certain things.  It took time but they do get it now.  Its our home and it takes all of us.

 

Lest you think we are that on top of things, laundry is a disaster.  and so are their bedrooms.  :(

 

 

[happypamama]

My oldest is only thirteen, but we have a chore system that works, and it has worked for several years. I do not micromanage beyond reminding them occasionally.

 

Each of the four older children (3 through 13) has one chore they do each morning, and one chore that they do, or at least check to see if it needs to be done, in the morning and evening. These do not rotate. Each of the four children also has an area of the house to tidy and vacuum each afternoon/evening. These rotate daily.

[Zoo Keeper]

Beds and major room cleaning is done every week or so. Usually on some weekend afternoon. Usually it goes something like this. I tell them EVERY night to clean their room before bed. EVERY night they say they are/did. About 60-75% of the time that's actually entirely true and done with excellence. So at some point the 25-40% piles up until that moment when I'm heading up the stairs and picking up stuff along the way, picking up stuff in the hall up there, and then I turn into one of the rooms and UNHOLY LAND OF MORDOR what the blazes kind of pigsty are they living in!?! There is much gnashing of teeth and exhortations and threats of leaf trash bags being brought up and children start running here and there saying "what mess?!" and "that's not MY mess" and an hour later things are set to rights again.

 

 

 

Why, you must live at my house.  This is exactly how it plays out at my house.  Every few weeks we go through this cycle. 

 

Not pretty, but it gets done.  Usually.

[Heather in OK]

:(  Where did your post go 23dn???  I was coming back with paper and pencil to glean from your system.  :(

[Plateau Mama]

The only thing that sort of worked around here was the chores for phone/video games. I made a list of chores with points assigned. They had to get 100 points by Sunday or they lost their phones for the next week. It worked pretty well, except they usually waited until Sunday to earn their points. They figured out the least # of things they needed to do to get the points. So, after about a year I bagged the program.

 

This summer I am instituting a motivated moms rule. No playing outside/electronics until all the tasks from that days MM list is done.

[Dawn in Ohio]

I have 5 kids ages 6 to 17.  Our chore chart works pretty well.  It is an elaborate chart, but it rarely changes so the kids don't even need to look at it. I think the most important aspect of our chore chart is that it stays the same for a long period of time, like 6 months to a year.  Changing chores every week stresses me out.  Checking things off seems stressful and unnecessary.  Rewarding them with treats or allowance doesn't work for me.  I don't like inspecting things when they are done.  But when I stumble across something that hasn't been cleaned properly or a trash can not emptied or whatever, I know just who is responsible and I'll ask them to go take care of it. 

 

When we homeschooled, I had the kids do their chores right after breakfast.  Now that everyone is in private school, I have them do chores right after dinner.  It doesn't take them long.  If you are interested in specifics, here you go:

 

Anna is 17.  Every day she empties the kitchen trash.  (She does her own laundry as needed.)  Monday she does kitchen (clears table, wipes table, empties dishwasher, loads dishwasher, wipes counter).  Tuesday she tidies her room if needed, then vacuums her room and an adjacent hall.  Wednesday she vacuums my bedroom.  Thursday she has kitchen again.  Friday she cleans the half bath.  Saturday she vacuums the basement.

 

Andrew is 15.  Every day he sets the table before dinner (the only job not done after dinner!).  (He does his own laundry as needed.)  Monday he cleans the basement bathroom.  Tuesday he does kitchen.  Wednesday he tidies his room and vacuums his room and rest of basement.  Thursday he swiffers all hardwood on main floor.  Friday he does kitchen.  Saturday he vacuums rugs on main floor.

 

Graham is 13.  Every day he folds and puts away his clean laundry (I do the laundry and have it sorted in the laundry room).  Every day he gathers up dirty laundry from hampers.  Monday he cleans kids bathroom.  Tuesday he swiffers the kitchen.  Wednesday he does kitchen.  Thursday he tidies his room, then vacuums his room and his little sister's room.  Friday he swiffers kitchen again.  Saturday he does kitchen.

 

Elijah is 9.  Every day he folds and puts away his clean laundry, plus clean kitchen towels.  Every day he empties multiple trash cans throughout the house.  Monday he vacuums the family room.  Tuesday he swiffers hardwood in family room.  Wednesday he cleans the kids' bathroom.  Thursday he vacuums family room again.  Friday he helps his older brother with kitchen.  Saturday he tidies and vacuums his bedroom.

 

Grace is 6.  Every day she sweeps under kitchen counter.  Every day she empties recycling.  Every day she folds and puts away her own laundry.

 

Some other thoughts:

When the kids are younger, I don't change their jobs each day of the week.  They do the exact same thing each day.  It is easy for them to remember.  It is also more obvious/visual stuff, so I know right away if they are skipping jobs.  When they are little I don't want them tempted to lie to me about their jobs.

 

My expectations for cleaning bathrooms gets more detailed as they get older.  Little kids who clean bathrooms are just spraying and wiping the sink and counter.  Middle sized kids will do floors too.  Bigger kids are also doing toilets and mirrors.  No one can handle tubs and showers, so that falls to me.

 

They all grow up with the idea that their laundry and their rooms are their responsibility.  As they get older, they take more thorough responsibility in those areas.

 

[AmyontheFarm]

Each child has a chart laminated and posted on the fridge. I will try to attach a photo.

[lllll]

..

[Guest]

Sorry about that. I put it back up there. I go through and delete all my posts every so often when the thread seems to have died. Guess I was a little too quick on that one. :blushing:

Seriously? All your posts??

[lllll]

..

[Joyofsixreboot]

I have never done a chart. I tend to assign each kid a task so that it gets done and they don't argue over who does it.

Seven year old does all cat duty, 13 year old does all trash and recycling,, etc. I also see a job and just tell whoever I see first to do it if I'm busy. Dishes, vacuuming, bathrooms fall in this category. Eventually all of mine have just begun to see what needs done and do it, usually around 15 or so.

[Heather in OK]

Sorry about that.  I put it back up there. 

Thank you!!