dirty ethel rackham Posted March 8, 2015 Author Share Posted March 8, 2015 UPDATE #2 Thank you all for your prayers. There has been some positive news, if there can be anything positive in this situation. People with way more skills than me have come out of the woodwork to help. One person will be taking M's son to our community Emergency Funds office to apply to get funds for 1 month's mortgage and the cost of funeral/cremation. An old friend and trusted confidant came into town and was able to convince M that hospice is the best option she has since has finally accepted that she will not die quickly. We are working every avenue to get a diagnosis without a hospital stay and M is now agreeable to that so she can get hospice. There have been enough people working round the clock that we are able take care of her needs and give her son some much needed rest so that he can attend to making arrangements. Please continue to pray for this family. Her son will need prayers. He is so emotionally closed off right now, taking care of business and being strong and I know this is taking a toll on him. He doesn't have many friends here locally as they have all moved away after college. He is fortunate that M's family out west has offered him a place to live after M passes while he figures out what to do. 21 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I am so sorry Ellen. In my family we have many nurses and have repeatedly talked about this. Nurses see the disgusting tragedy that comes of ever-increasing treatment. I have many nurses and doctors in my family and we talk about this a lot. We all have living wills stating a desire for minimal treatment and no hospice or expensive care. My mother has said outright to me that she plans to take advantage of death with dignity laws when she is dying. I know that is important to her and I'm okay with that. Dying at my time without giving a hospital all my money for the privilege is very important to me as well. So I empathize with her decision. I am just writing this so that you can see that it may not totally be under duress--many nurses who see dying the other way around, with seemingly endless treatments, can be really sensitive to that side of it. That said I am glad you were able to get her some respite from suffering. It sounds incredibly difficult. You're in my thoughts. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I'm glad she's agreed to hospice. They should also be very available to help her son, both now and after her passing. My FIL passed away last fall and my dh got about 2-3 phone calls from a hospice grief counselor in the few months after his passing. He didn't really need it, but it's always nice to know it's there for someone like M's son. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 How very sad for all concerned. Sending good thoughts. Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I am glad to hear that so many people are coming together for what sounds like a wonderful woman. I relieved that she is considering hospice and hope that it can be a comfort to all involved. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I'm glad there is some help available. Sorry that you are losing your friend in such difficult circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applethyme Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 My cousin died at the age of 50 three years ago of breast cancer that she refused to admit to or treat. She did have an official diagnoses, and the doctor she saw told her that the cancer she had was so aggressive that they did not feel it would respond to treatment. Both of her parents were in fragile health and she was not getting along with the only sibling she had that lived close by, so she chose not to tell anyone in her family, because she did not want to burden them since she was going to die anyway. She died very quickly after she collapsed. I have never been more sad, because I loved her so much. She was amazing. I am so sorry for you tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted April 6, 2015 Author Share Posted April 6, 2015 update in post #1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaniemom Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Update at the end of this post. M. was one of the first people I met 17 years ago when we started this home learning experiment. She had started a non-sectarian homeschool group in our area and built it on an egalitarian model - that we all know what is best for our kids. There was no hierarchy. There was no boss. She embraced the "if you build it, they will come" model ... that if you wanted something for your kids and you could not find it, you created it and invited people to join you. Our calendars were filled with field trips for every age imaginable. Our park days were well attended. It was like one big happy family. She had some quirky kids and she embraced all of our quirkiness. One of M.'s greatest qualities is that she always looked for the best in people. When I had a difficult toddler, she would always tell me that I was doing a great job ... that I would never regret the time I gave my kids, even when it feel like things were going down the tubes. M. has had it hard these last 6 years. Her loving husband died of a brain tumor. Her oldest daughter left home to "find herself" and found drugs instead. She picked herself up, dusted herself off, went back to school, mastered the math she feared to get her RN. She took comfort that her son was seemingly doing well and had moved back into the area after graduation. I should have known something was up when she asked a friend and me to witness her will that she just got around to updating. She looked tired and shaky, and her trademark cheerfulness seemed a little brittle. Most of us didn't want to look at it as a sign of something ominous, but that she was taking care of business since she was to be embarking on a new adventure ... studying to get her BSN. But, what we feared and didn't want to see has come to light. Today, we found out that she has terminal cancer. And she may not make it through the night. Her friends who have been with her through thick and thin are gathering with her tonight. Please keep us in your prayers. Please keep A, her lost daughter, in your prayers. We do not know where she is or how to contact her. Please keep her son T in your prayers as well. He will be alone, without his dad, his sister, and now his mother. UPDATE in post #45. I really didn't want to put it here as these reflect dichotomous, coexisting thoughts on this situation. UPDATE #2 in post #55. UPDATE #3: Our dear friend went to be with our risen Lord Easter Sunday. While this last month has been difficult, it was a blessing that all of her friends from different aspects of her life got to spend this time with her. We had a long list of people who stepped up to take time with M and give her son time to take care of business, cull things in the house and pack to move in with relatives in another state. M had many friends who are nurses from the hospitals she worked in and they were very helpful. We had several women who were able to take turns staying with her overnight, a time when she was seemed to have the most needs. I was fortunate to be able to take several 2 hour shifts each week. I can't say enough about hospice. They were very responsive to her needs and helped us help her. Since there were so many people coming and going, we kept a notebook by M's bedside to jot down a few things: observations, what we did for her, prayers for her and for all of us, etc. We also had a large email loop for updates to those who could not be there but wanted to help in other ways. Since they had no income coming in and were in danger of losing the house and had no money for burial expenses, many people stepped up to assist financially. They do have a buyer for the house - a contractor who has worked on several homes in the area. It is in the historic district so this had to be a special kind of buyer, one who could do the updates so desperately needed and still respect the character of the house. My heart aches though. I miss her. I pray for her son, who, at only 25, moves forward with his life without either parent. I pray for her estranged daughter, wherever she may be. I pray for all her friends that we not lose the community we rekindled in sharing her care. Thank you to all of you who prayed for M and her family. They are on a new journey now. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I am so sorry.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I'm so sorry, Ellen. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunflowerlady Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Mg condolences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Thanks for the update. I will be praying for her son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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