Ask a mom of many

[Tmhearn]

And now for a really important question...

 

How do you manage everyone's bathtime towels???

 

Seriously! Are you just washing a load of towels a day? Are you making everyone use their towel a few times before washing, and if so how do you keep track of who's whose?

 

Clearly, I need serious logistical help in my life. Ha ha!

[fairfarmhand]

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? If you're an introvert, how does that work?

yes. this is/was my largest factor in stopping at 4. I was barely functioning with so many people needing me all the time. I ended up severely depressed. However, my introversion is QUITE extreme.

[Quiver0f10]

I do a load of towels every single day. And then some LOL.

And now for a really important question...

How do you manage everyone's bathtime towels???

Seriously! Are you just washing a load of towels a day? Are you making everyone use their towel a few times before washing, and if so how do you keep track of who's whose?

Clearly, I need serious logistical help in my life. Ha ha!

 

[cjzimmer1]

I was the one that requested the "moms of many" thread. :-) I think of "many" as 6 or more. I guess it's because you have to start driving a different kind of vehicle. Ha ha!

 

Here are my preliminary questions, but I have about 2,000 more...

 

Did you originally want a large family, or did it just evolve over time?

Nope, I actually wasn't planning on having any kids.  But once I had one I didn't want him to be an only.  After two I realized kids weren't so bad and things progressed from there.

If you originally wanted a big family, why?

 

What kind of car do you drive?

minivan

 

Does everyone ever go out to eat together?

occasionally, but I try to stack coupons, sales, gift cards and/or reward/loyalty points.  Mostly we leave them home and Hubby and I go on a date.

 

How in the world do you get everyone to the doctor and dentist for check ups in a year?

We only do well checks until 2 and then when someone is sick.  My older kids keep getting deactivated because if they haven't been in for 3 years they deactivate them.  So clearly the doctor is not an issue since we so seldom need to see one.  The dentist has 7 chairs (although I've only ever seen them use 6 at a time),  The dentist lets me schedule all 5 at one time (baby doesn't go yet), so one appointment, 5 cleanings and the dentist and i just walk down the line as he examines each kids teeth and looks at xrays.  We are in and out in well under an hour.

 

[cjzimmer1]

Ooh!  Here's another one.  How do you handle hand-me-downs?  What is your clothing passing-down strategy?

 

Easy, if it immediately fits the next in line (of the same gender) put it in that kid's dresser, otherwise it goes on the closet shelf.  If you are the youngest child of that gender, than outgrown clothes go in the bucket to resell/donate.

 

And how do you decide on who rooms with whom?  Do the kids choose?

 

We have a boys room and a girls room (and mom and dad's room but only the baby gets to sleep in there with us)

 

 

 

[FO4UR]

I do a load of towels every single day. And then some LOL.

 

 

I only have 4 dc, but I have assigned hooks in the bathroom.  Everyone hangs their towel on their own hook.  We have a ton of little wash clothes.  I wash bath towels once a week.

[busymama7]

And now for a really important question...

 

How do you manage everyone's bathtime towels???

 

Seriously! Are you just washing a load of towels a day? Are you making everyone use their towel a few times before washing, and if so how do you keep track of who's whose?

 

Clearly, I need serious logistical help in my life. Ha ha!

We have matching towels with their names on them and 8 hooks lined up in the bathroom. I always know who didn't hang theirs up! ;) I wash them together and hang them back up. They use them for 1-2 weeks between washings. They are CLEAN when drying off ;) i can not imagine using a bath towel only one time. That is so wasteful of resources no matter the family size. Water electricity/gas. No way. I have always hung and reused towels so this is not a large family thing. Keeping track of the towels was a huge issue until we got the name towels ;)

[MotherGoose]

How do you feel about being pregnancy/birth etc? And how old were you when you had #1? I had #1 at 31 and loathe pregnancy, all of that. So I can't imagine doing it voluntarily again and again. Perhaps I would feel differently if I had started when I was younger. I'm 39 and know pregnancy just gets harder as you get older, plus you have more kids to take care of.

[icollectkids]

And now for a really important question...

 

How do you manage everyone's bathtime towels???

 

Seriously! Are you just washing a load of towels a day? Are you making everyone use their towel a few times before washing, and if so how do you keep track of who's whose?

 

Clearly, I need serious logistical help in my life. Ha ha!

 

We re-use bath towels. We don't have assigned towels. If you are about to hit the shower and the only 'clean' towel left is the one your little sister used to dry off with, ya use it. ;) I probably do a load (..or 2!) every day.

[icollectkids]

How do you feel about being pregnancy/birth etc? And how old were you when you had #1? I had #1 at 31 and loathe pregnancy, all of that. So I can't imagine doing it voluntarily again and again. Perhaps I would feel differently if I had started when I was younger. I'm 39 and know pregnancy just gets harder as you get older, plus you have more kids to take care of.

 

I have super easy pregnancies. I actually enjoy it...until about 8...8.5 months along where you are just uncomfortable no matter what. My labors are long...but uneventful and fairly easy. The morning sickness is usually pretty mild, but on rough days my older ones help out and just take charge.

 

edit-- forgot to answer part! I was 19 when I had #1. I'm 33 now. Due with #8 right before my birthday.

[busymama7]

How do you feel about being pregnancy/birth etc? And how old were you when you had #1? I had #1 at 31 and loathe pregnancy, all of that. So I can't imagine doing it voluntarily again and again. Perhaps I would feel differently if I had started when I was younger. I'm 39 and know pregnancy just gets harder as you get older, plus you have more kids to take care of.

3 weeks past my 20th birthday. I'm now 37.

 

In theory I love pregnancy and birth (I'm even a homebirth midwife very part time). In reality I hate it. I am not good at pregnancy. Lots of morning sickness bordering on HG at times for 4-5 months. Severe hip pain and symphis pubic dysfunction that has been near unbearable. With my 7th pregnancy I was almost non mobile until I saw a Chiro. In addition, I have lost a baby at term and so pregnancy is emotionally terrifying. Every. Single. Time. I suffer from prenatal depression. I barely survive it.

 

I have my babies natural and at home. Most of my births have been easy enough but my last one was horrific. Really really horrible pain. I am terrified to do it again and tempted to go to the hospital for an epidural. But I won't because I know that home birth is better for my baby and worth it. I hope I can survive it again if its as bad as last time :(

 

I'm not trying to be dramatic but realistic. I think many people have the assumption that pregnancy must be easy for me or I wouldn't keep doing it. Nope, I do it because I love having kids and the previously explained commitment to God.

 

Having said that, I do have relatively easy postpartums, love newborns and breastfeeding and do not get PPDepression.

[Tenaj]

And now for a really important question...

 

How do you manage everyone's bathtime towels???

 

Seriously! Are you just washing a load of towels a day? Are you making everyone use their towel a few times before washing, and if so how do you keep track of who's whose?

 

Clearly, I need serious logistical help in my life. Ha ha!

 

I'll jump in on this one just because it made me laugh :)    We have three bathrooms so it's become fairly easy because we have enough racks that everyone has a spot right now.  In years past, when we only had two bathrooms, it was everyone's responsibility to remember.  As long I know which one is mine, I don't mind :)   I do two or three loads of towels, twice a week.  

 

Oh, and we have lots of different towel colors and patterns (nothing matches in my house  - lol!) so it's easy to keep track of your own!

[Tenaj]

How do you feel about being pregnancy/birth etc? And how old were you when you had #1? I had #1 at 31 and loathe pregnancy, all of that. So I can't imagine doing it voluntarily again and again. Perhaps I would feel differently if I had started when I was younger. I'm 39 and know pregnancy just gets harder as you get older, plus you have more kids to take care of.

 

I really hate being pregnant.  I'm always sick for about 4 months.  I always dreamed of having twins to get two kids for the price of one pregnancy.  I was 27 with our first and 44 with our last.

[Tmhearn]

I have another one...

 

Do you have a go-to meal that you cook that you know everyone in the family will eat?

[kubiac]

What kinds of things do your kids complain about?

 

(I'm just wondering if the arguments I hear people make for less children play out in the reality of your lived family with several children, i.e. that the kids think don't get enough attention/resources or that their lives are suboptimal because they have too many siblings or something.)

[Excelsior! Academy]

And now for a really important question...

 

How do you manage everyone's bathtime towels???

 

Seriously! Are you just washing a load of towels a day? Are you making everyone use their towel a few times before washing, and if so how do you keep track of who's whose?

 

Clearly, I need serious logistical help in my life. Ha ha!

 

Towels, the bane to my existence.  We have hooks for each person.  Color coded towels.  Do 3-4ish loads of laundry each day.  Somehow certain teenage girls forget to hang theirs up.  Then someone uses someone elses.  You get the picture.  Basically towels get picked up in a wet wad each morning and taken to the laundry room.

 

 

 

I have another one...

 

Do you have a go-to meal that you cook that you know everyone in the family will eat?

 

Yes!  Mexican, pizza, spaghetti.  A whole lot of the year we rotate meals.  I let each person pick a favorite meal and use that as a starting point for the menu.

 

If you are asking about picky eaters, if you cease to believe in them they cease to exist.

 

[Excelsior! Academy]

What kinds of things do your kids complain about?

 

(I'm just wondering if the arguments I hear people make for less children play out in the reality of your lived family with several children, i.e. that the kids think don't get enough attention/resources or that their lives are suboptimal because they have too many siblings or something.)

 

They complain about their pencil breaking again during school time, someone borrowing someone's items without permission (especially teenage girl clothing), someone hogging the computer when they want to browse Pinterest or check email.  I can't really think of anything that is atypical of siblings from smaller families.  By default they have to learn to work together and really enjoy relationships together.  Mine even ask me all of the time if we will have another child. 

[Quiver0f10]

How do you feel about being pregnancy/birth etc? And how old were you when you had #1? I had #1 at 31 and loathe pregnancy, all of that. So I can't imagine doing it voluntarily again and again. Perhaps I would feel differently if I had started when I was younger. I'm 39 and know pregnancy just gets harder as you get older, plus you have more kids to take care of.

I had my first at 20 and last at 36. I would love to have had more but God hasn't blessed us again. I love being pregnant! I have easy pregnancies, labors and deliveries ( except my 9th).

[Quiver0f10]

Lasagna :laugh:

I have another one...

Do you have a go-to meal that you cook that you know everyone in the family will eat?

 

[cjzimmer1]

How do you feel about being pregnancy/birth etc? And how old were you when you had #1? I had #1 at 31 and loathe pregnancy, all of that. So I can't imagine doing it voluntarily again and again. Perhaps I would feel differently if I had started when I was younger. I'm 39 and know pregnancy just gets harder as you get older, plus you have more kids to take care of.

 

I loathe pregnancy too.  I had hyperemesis with my 3rd.  I tell people all the time, I'd rather be in labor any day, then pregnant.  That being said, you just deal with it.  After the 3rd one my oldest was old enough to help even it it meant getting the bucket so I didn't have to move and compound the problem.  By the time I was pregnant with number 6, the oldest made lunch/supper if I was too sick, the second and third in line handled breakfast and they all vacated the room of the little ones when I was trying to nap.  Once again, it was actually easier that I had so many kids than when I only had 2-3 because the olders can simply do so much more while I lie around puking or wanting to puke.

 

[cjzimmer1]

 

If you are asking about picky eaters, if you cease to believe in them they cease to exist.

 

Pretty much this.  I don't cater to their whims and they eat what is served if they are hungry.  Sure some might not like things as much as others but they all know this is what's served and the choice is to eat it or to eat it (I don't even allow the not eat it option because then 30 minutes later someone will be complaining they are hungry and hoping to get a better option of food).  When you take away those choices, they aren't picky.  I can guarantee if you go to a third world country kids aren't complaining about what food is served.  I see no reason why when we are blessed with so much they should complain.

[momto10blessings]

What kinds of things do your kids complain about?

 

(I'm just wondering if the arguments I hear people make for less children play out in the reality of your lived family with several children, i.e. that the kids think don't get enough attention/resources or that their lives are suboptimal because they have too many siblings or something.)

They complain about younger siblings taking their belongings or going through their stuff. They don't really have any other complaints related to having so many siblings. It's the only life they know.

 

They definitely don't complain about being lonely or not having anyone to play with.

[icollectkids]

I have another one...

 

Do you have a go-to meal that you cook that you know everyone in the family will eat?

 

taco meat and rice with 'the fixings'...corn chips, sour cream, cheese, guac, black beans...

[icollectkids]

What kinds of things do your kids complain about?

 

(I'm just wondering if the arguments I hear people make for less children play out in the reality of your lived family with several children, i.e. that the kids think don't get enough attention/resources or that their lives are suboptimal because they have too many siblings or something.)

 

main complaint I hear is a sibling going into their room without permission. They also whine and complain about someone taking their seat on the couch or whereever if they got up to get something, etc.

My 4yo likes to complain about what color his cup is that day or that someone looked at him funny or... yeah.. he can be draining sometimes LOL

[BlsdMama]

I was the one that requested the "moms of many" thread. :-) I think of "many" as 6 or more. I guess it's because you have to start driving a different kind of vehicle. Ha ha!

 

Here are my preliminary questions, but I have about 2,000 more...

 

Did you originally want a large family, or did it just evolve over time?

 

If you originally wanted a big family, why?

 

What kind of car do you drive?

 

Does everyone ever go out to eat together?

 

How in the world do you get everyone to the doctor and dentist for check ups in a year?

 

I wanted a large family in my head, when I was younger, because my mom and dad each had ten brothers and sisters. (Large, German Catholic families farming in the Midwest.) However, DH and I never really talked about it and he wanted one. I was okay with that but when Ana was two, I really wanted another. They were perfectly spaced, three well planned years apart, almost to the week, one boy and one girl. But then I wanted another. Dh said no. Then off he went to Basic Training, missed us, and was willing to reconsider, lol. I became a Believer at that point and was wrong to turn over a lot to God including my fertility. My husband doesn't share my convictions, but respects them. I respect him as well and so I try to keep him informed as far as ovulation. He wold like to stop before long, he hit forty last year... But, on the other hand, he says would we really notice just one more? Baby 12 will be here in July.

 

My parents' families are incredible. I just got back from my mom's brother's (my uncle) funeral visitation tonight. They were all there, lined up to lend support to his wife, his kids, to one another. My dad's family is wonderful. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins played a large role in my childhood. Two or three just feels so... little to me.  DH and I are each one of three.   My beloved grandmother died two years ago this July. The world is less lovely without her in it. But the week she passed was super hard because it was a lot of waiting at the hospital for several days. But you know what was so great? There were people to stay with Grandma, people to take care of Grandpa, people to sit with, cry with, laugh with. They had each other. It was the first time I had a really clear picture of what an AMAZING blessing a large family was and I was so profoundly thankful that I had this huge, exhausting, fun, but did I mention exhausting, family of mine?!

 

I drive a fifteen passenger van and I wish I had tinted windows so we didn't get counted at stoplights, lol.

 

Do we all go out to eat together? Not terribly often, but we make a point to do it. We do "real" going out to eat sit down style at least twice a year, tax refund time, and the first day of each school year. We often do Subway but we can't do it without making some random person mad usually even though we don't let the kids go through the line and we have a ready pre-made list in hand. Just ticked off a guy three weeks ago for Ana's birthday as a matter of fact.... sigh.

 

Our pediatrician has eight kids. She's awesome as are her nurses. She does group physicals so the only child going in individually would be the baby. :) Our old dentist did check ups three and four children at a time and usually even let the toddlers get checked, lol. He's retired. We miss him. To be honest, dentists, eye doctors, etc.,  are more than accommodating. Think about it: they pick up our family and they gain thirteen new patients in one fell swoop. It is very motivating to be nice. However, it is super important when you are taking a big block of their time (like a block of three appointments at once) that you sore up, be on time, and be dependable! :)

[eternalsummer]

 

 

If you are asking about picky eaters, if you cease to believe in them they cease to exist.

 

love :)

[BlsdMama]

I just have 1 question - how do you deal with all your kids at the same time without going bonkers?

 

I just have dd, but when her 2 friends come over that makes 3 girls age 7, 8 & 10. They drive me nuts.

 

Duplicate. Sorry!

[BlsdMama]

I just have 1 question - how do you deal with all your kids at the same time without going bonkers?

 

I just have dd, but when her 2 friends come over that makes 3 girls age 7, 8 & 10. They drive me nuts.

 

Well they aren't all yours... so the attachment isn't comparable, lol.

 

Yeah, sometimes the noise is overwhelming. Then we sit and read!! Nap / quiet time is mandatory. If you are old enough and able to read and be still and quiet, you're allowed. If you break the rule, you sleep.

 

I need that stillness for a little while in the afternoon!

 

Right now we are in between houses... cross country move and waiting to close on our new house so my normal rules are out the window. However, that said, normally my kids have alarm clocks to tell them when they can get out of bed. I have some VERY early risers (think 4:30 - 5:00 am) and normally I ask they stay in their rooms until the alarm goes off, which actually lends itself to them sleeping more hours and so I get almost an hour of peace in the morning as well.  It's when DH and I get to have full, uninterrupted conversations and I treasure the time.  It's not happening right now and I miss it. But that's how I deal with the crazy.

 

We have eight girls so chatter is something we deal with. :)

[busymama7]

"Think about it, they pick up our family and they gain thirteen new patients in one fell swoop. It is very motivating to be nice. However, it is super important when you are taking a big block of their time (like a block of three appointments at once) that you sore up, be on time, and be dependable!"

 

Yes this. Our ortho is very very nice to us and very accommodating. They see dollar signs I'm sure :) and I do my part to be dependable with regards to time and payment.

[BlsdMama]

Ooh! Here's another one. How do you handle hand-me-downs? What is your clothing passing-down strategy?

 

And how do you decide on who rooms with whom? Do the kids choose?

With tears?

Hand me downs are both joyful and heartbreaking. The one getting that pretty dress is thrilled, lol, the one giving it up wishes she had shrunk!

 

Several of our girls are super close in size. We have the 18yo but she is the outlier. The 12yo 10yo and 7yo are almost stair step in sizes right now. The 5yo, 4yo, and almost 3yo ARE pretty much the same size. So rarely is something packed away for more than a year simply because most of our kids are girls.  The boys are 15 and 9.  We pack and unpack seasonally so we don't get overwhelmed with stuff and care of stuff. We have Rubbermaid tubs, clearly marked, and packed by size and season.

Rooms:

The kids' personalities and buddy system has determined this. The 18yo is an introvert, reader, thinker, understated girl. The 12yo is very extroverted, girly, fluffy, pink thing. :) Obviously not ideal roommates.

 

We are putting two more bedrooms in the new house for a total of six.

One boy bedroom, one nursery, and three girl bedrooms.

 

Bedroom #1 - 12yo and her buddy

Bedroom #2 - Nursery - 2yo, 1yo, and new baby

Bedroom #3 - The two boys

Bedroom #4 - The 10yo & 7yo

Bedroom #5 - The 18yo & 5yo

Bedroom #6 - the parents (and if we're honest, the new baby, and the 2yo and the 4yo and part-timers.)  I've always wanted a "nook" in our room with a crib and a bunk bed so they can be there, but I have my bed. ;)  We co-sleep with our newborns until they are 1-2 depending on their needs.

[IfIOnly]

What is the most outrageous thing a complete stranger has said to you about your family size?  How about a friend/family member?

 

A lady at the grocery store pointing to my stomach and asking me if I was pregnant again or if it's "leftovers" and going on and on in front of my children with OMG, OMG stuff regarding all the kids we have.  Then she complimented me on how well behaved my children were.   :huh:

 

By the way, I was expecting our 5th when that happened.

 

I get so many pity looks and statements (everywhere, all the time, even at church), but honestly I only feel so blessed and thankful to have the wonderful family that we do.  

[BlsdMama]

I don't know quite how to put this: I'd worry very much about the future - job loss, retirement savings, college expenses. We are still coping with the aftermath of unemployment and it hasn't been easy. And we only have two children. How do you cope with the worry?

 

L

My question is something like this.... Would it have prevented you from having two? After all, penniless, one could not feed two either. I understand the logic, I do. However, part of this big family thing for me is, "Let go and let God...." For me, and this is NO judgment on anyone, because frankly I don't have the time or energy to spend sitting around and thinking about what others ought to be doing our not going, lol, there is a huge amount of peace and joy that comes from living in obedience to what God has laid on MY heart.

 

Our retirement savings isn't great. But then again I am not in the mindset that retiring at sixty five is necessarily wise or good.... People feel good when they are intentional and purposeful.

 

College? Our parents each only had three children each and they didn't pay for college. My oldest daughter is graduating this year. She is an incredibly bright girl. She will get good scholarships and she is getting Barton certified to tutor through college and she'll do work study. She will live at home. She packs lunches just like her dad does to go to work. And we will buy her books, pay a third car payment & insurance, and provide her with food and a warm bed. We will NEVER advocate student loans (they were a huge burden for us and the reason my husband joined the Army) but there are a lot of ways around it. Second child, son, is planning ROTC.

 

I will admit that I suspect our growing family is what motivated DH to get his Masters degrees and MBA.  He works incredibly hard and he's good at what he does and I'm sure there is a bit of extra motivation knowing so many depend on him.

 

Job loss... I think that is scary for any family where there is one breadwinner. But I can honestly say my husband would do anything to sort his family. While he was putting himself through school, he worked second shift and delivered pizza on weekends when Ana was a baby. I'd work if need be. Life could be a heavy burden when one allows the "what ifs" take over and envelope the "what is," kwim?

[Rebecca]

Ooh!  Here's another one.  How do you handle hand-me-downs?  What is your clothing passing-down strategy?

 

And how do you decide on who rooms with whom?  Do the kids choose?

 

We pass down all clothing. I store it by size in plastic bins and labeled boxes. Twice a year (seasonally) we do the great clothing swap- switching from fall/winter to spring/summer. Some years I am more on top of it than others. Some years, my husband has manned the switch.

 

We group children as seems best for the season we are in. Currently, we will have our three oldest sons together, our daughters together, and our two "little boys" together.

 

[Rebecca]

My parents' families are incredible. I just got back from my mom's brother's (my uncle) funeral visitation tonight. They were all there, lined up to lend support to his wife, his kids, to one another. My dad's family is wonderful. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins played a large role in my childhood. Two or three just feels so... little to me. My beloved grandmother died two years ago this July. The world is less lovely without her in it. But the week she passed was super hard. But you know what was so cool? There were people to stay with Grandma, people to take care of Grandpa, people to sit with, cry with, laugh with. They had each other. It was the first time I had a really clear picture of what an AMAZING blessing a large family was and I was so profoundly thankful that I had this huge, exhausting, fun but did I mention exhausting, family of mine?!

 

I

 

This has been my experience as well as a grandchild/daughter/cousin/niece in a large family. It is amazing. The bonds amongst us cousins are incredible.  Both my parents come from large families. 

[IfIOnly]

We have our 4 boys in the master bedroom with bathroom, and my husband and I and our daughter have the 2 smaller rooms and share the "guest" bathroom.  It works out great!

[BlsdMama]

Do you feel that with that many children it is hard to give each child individual attention?

Do you feel it is hard to keep tabs with how everyone is emotionally and interest wise?

Another way to word my question would be to really know the children and maybe their personal struggles and joys?

Out of all the questions, these are my very favorite!!!

 

It is very hard to give each individual time and attrition. However, and I find this very interesting, I am a hustle and bustle gal. When I had three I did not appreciate their uniqueness. I believed children should be totally shaped, molded into what you, the parent, has as an ideal. I still believe children should be shaped, but out of the material that is there, recognizing the beauty and uniqueness that exists much like an artist working with various mediums. :) I honestly believe that if I had stopped at three I would not be the mother I am now... I think I would have ran right over my children and not really KNOWN them to the degree I do now. What's a better way to explain it? I want interested so much in knowing who Good created them to be so much as I was interested in having them in X, doing Y, and running to A, B, and C. Having so many made me realize that these two parents have ask these VERY different children do Good must have made them unique?! And for a purpose?! I am very tall oriented. Having do many forced me to slow down, sit back, and appreciate them as individuals. I am desperately glad I had so many. I needed it to soften my edges honestly.

 

So as far as individual time, I think sometimes moms and dads succeed better in this area because we are SO aware that they must share us that we guard it more carefully? At least from what I've seen.... My husband goes out of his way to spend one on one time with them (he's an introvert) and I generally don't run anywhere without taking one or two with me and then we try to be very PRESENT when we are alone with them. I suspect part of this is also being an older and more experienced parent now too... I realize time really does go quickly, dishes really can sit, and a story or rocking a baby to sleep really is more important than checking Facebook one more time, lol.

 

So, for me personally, I'd say I am more emotionally aware of them as individuals than I wold have been with just a couple because of my personal flaws... I.e., a tendency to hurry, to overpower gentle personalities, generalize. I really needed all of these kids to help me see them as people rather than just "my" kids.

 

Eta: There is an important aspect I don't want to leave out here as well. The parent/child relationship is an important one however most of is have beer experiences what sibling relationships look like in a big family. Most of had a brother and a sister or maybe two. We did or own thing, they did theirs, and we were separated most of the day because of school anyway.

 

The sib relationships in large, homeschooling families are a fascinating thing. My big girls are paired up with a little buddy. It wasn't planned. Ana (18) fell in love with Sarah (5, almost 6) from the time she was tiny. We laugh, but really truly, it was good I needed because Ana monopolized that baby. Ana was the one to teach her to read. Sarah was two when she asked for reading lessons. I did not have the time and Ana decided she'd do it. So during nap time they would cuddle up and Ana would give her a reading lesson faithfully. Sarah read her first words before she turned three. Well, Liz saw Ana has her own little buddy and wanted one... And along came Ella. Strangely Ella did NOT like Lizzie. No kidding. Liz fostered and few that relationship for over three years to grow into something special. It has, but I don't know if I, as a young girl, would have put that much effort into it. Then, naturally, when Olivia was born, she was claimed by Rebecca. Abigail has claimed Cate and Sarah is sad that this baby is a boy and could we have another because she is old enough to have her own buddy now, lol.

 

I guess what I'm saying is the children have an incredible sort network. To the outside eye, it might look like mom and dad are "dependant" on older siblings. Some are I suppose. But if you knew us better, Todd realize what you're actually asserting is carefully cultivated, strong relationships between siblings. They are amazing. And let me tell you, when you see your one year old absolutely LIGHT UP because your fifteen year old son just walked in the room it will bring treats to your eyes. He pretends to be so gruff around them but he comes over and picks her up constantly and she adores him. I love it. There is nothing like it. And I consider it a huge bonus that they have these additional, close, individual relationships and bonds as well.

[IfIOnly]

Out of all the questions, these are my very favorite!!!

 

It is very hard to give each individual time and attrition. However, and I find this very interesting, I am a hustle and bustle gal. When I had three I did not appreciate their uniqueness. I believed children should be totally shaped, molded into what you, the parent, has as an ideal. I still believe children should be shaped, but out of the material that is there, recognizing the beauty and uniqueness that exists much like an artist working with various mediums. :) I honestly believe that if I had stopped at three I would not be the mother I am now... I think I would have ran right over my children and not really KNOWN them to the degree I do now. What's a better way to explain it? I want interested so much in knowing who Good created them to be so much as I was interested in having them in X, doing Y, and running to A, B, and C. Having so many made me realize that these two parents have ask these VERY different children do Good must have made them unique?! And for a purpose?! I am very tall oriented. Having do many forced me to slow down, sit back, and appreciate them as individuals. I am desperately glad I had so many. I needed it to soften my edges honestly.

 

So as far as individual time, I think sometimes moms and dads succeed better in this area because we are SO aware that they must share us that we guard it more carefully? At least from what I've seen.... My husband goes out of his way to spend one on one time with them (he's an introvert) and I generally don't run anywhere without taking one or two with me and then we try to be very PRESENT when we are alone with them. I suspect part of this is also being an older and more experienced parent now too... I realize time really does go quickly, dishes really can sit, and a story or rocking a baby to sleep really is more important than checking Facebook one more time, lol.

 

So, for me personally, I'd say I am more emotionally aware of them as individuals than I wold have been with just a couple because of my personal flaws... I.e., a tendency to hurry, to overpower gentle personalities, generalize. I really needed all of these kids to help me see them as people rather than just "my" kids.

 

Speaking of Facebook, I quit all social media and spend very little time here the only forum that I frequent.  That has been one of the best decision ever.  A lot of that energy is going into my relationships with my children and homeschooling, but also real life friendships.  And,my house is spotless! lol.

[BlsdMama]

How do you feel about being pregnancy/birth etc? And how old were you when you had #1? I had #1 at 31 and loathe pregnancy, all of that. So I can't imagine doing it voluntarily again and again. Perhaps I would feel differently if I had started when I was younger. I'm 39 and know pregnancy just gets harder as you get older, plus you have more kids to take care of.

 

I had my first at 19. This one is baby number 12, I am 38. I've had two miscarriages. That's 14 pregnancies in two decades, lol. Shall we add up nursing years? :D.

 

My first two were a breeze. But I "developed" an incompetent cervix and I have low progesterone. So now every pregnancy involves a surgery, weekly progesterone shots, often steroids, and drama. I am not a fan of pregnancy. That said, it goes do much faster now than it did then. I'm so busy with little people, pregnancies fly by! They are harder than in my twenties, no doubt. I have bits and pieces that are no longer where God put them and I really wish they would migrate back. :p

 

Truthfully I love the wonder of pregnancy but I do not love being pregnant myself. I am in awe of the process, but it's really physically and emotionally hard for me, especially the surgery; I find it humiliating. :( It's my sliver, my cross to bear. But I've not yet had a single child that wasn't worth it all! ;) And people find it surprising that I am not a baby person. Bring on the two year olds! Bring on the teens! But honestly while I love my little lumps (infants), I like them with a lot more spirit and personality when they get older and I start getting peeks into who they are going to be!

 

I *am* more tired.  I was a park and play mama in my twenties, playing ON the slides, swinging, etc.  I am not that mom now.  However, it's always a trade-off.  They have sibs for that now and I have more sweet time with the younger set.  I often wish I had been more still, more aware with Ana than I was.  I was so active that I think it resulted in me being less dialed in to her. 

[Myeightkiddies]

And now for a really important question...

 

How do you manage everyone's bathtime towels???

 

Seriously! Are you just washing a load of towels a day? Are you making everyone use their towel a few times before washing, and if so how do you keep track of who's whose?

 

Clearly, I need serious logistical help in my life. Ha ha!

 

Towels use to drive me crazy.  Now, we only use white towels and wash cloths.  There are no more color-themed towels to match certain bathrooms.  With all white towels, I can bleach them with each washing. They retain their like-new appearance a lot longer than colorful/decorated towels.  I don't have to try to refill each bathroom specifically or anything.  An armload goes into my bathroom's linen closet, and another goes into the one upstairs (we have three bathrooms but only two with showers/baths).

 

My husband and I will use ours about twice.  It's easy for us to keep track.  Everyone else just drops their towels/cloths in the laundry room.  I wash towels about every other day.  We purchased enough to last that long.  Oh, I do buy colorful washcloths to use for cleaning.  So, white towels are for people, and colorful cloths for cleaning.  It works well.  This is for a family of 9.  All are at home except the oldest.  I really should have done the white theme with the bed linens - maybe one day.

[busymama7]

And let me tell you, when you see your one year old absolutely LIGHT UP because your fifteen year old son just walked in the room it will bring treats to your eyes. He pretends to be so gruff around them but he comes over and picks her up constantly and she adores him. I love it. There is nothing like it. And I consider it a huge bonus that they have these additional, close, individual relationships and bonds as well.

 

Yes Yes yes yes yes!!!!' This exactly.

 

Having babies and teens at the same time is HARD. So many schedules. So many people needing me. Not enough sleep. But seeing my big gruff teens melt when they hold a baby for snuggles, seeing the little ones run after the teens or choose them over me for playmates or comfort, exchanging grins with the teens over something adorable the little one did, having them come tell me about aomething cute they witnessed, teens taking pics of their cute sibligs and sharing them with the world via facebook and bragging about how cute and awesome they are.

 

Oh my gosh it makes it all worth it. I am so glad I didn't miss out on this. There is nothing like the relationships between olders and littles. Much different than the ones closer in age.

[busymama7]

uhm, what curriculums/methods do you use? :blush5: I had to ask!

Primarily Charlotte mason. I also focus heavily on laying a good foundation of skills(the three r's) every single day. I use spell to write and read for phonics/spelling, math u see for math and living books for most of the rest. Lots of read aloud(in age groups). It seems to be working fine.

 

Oldest is dual enrolled finishing up junior year and thriving in CC. Next oldest is taking a few classes through Williamsburg online private school and doing great. What I did was enough even though I feared all the time it wasn't. Basics basics basics. Every single day. Consistency. And not curriculum hopping so I could teach the younger ones easily since I had been through it many times ;) we might mix up history programs or try something new for science. But the 3 r's have been the same all along for my sanity.

 

Love five in a row, sonlight, ambleside online. Had a good experience with exploration education science. Like the fullbright books for elementary science. Not so much a fan of apologia science for the older ones. Rainbow science was good.

 

Lots and lots and lots of reading. Oh ya and IEW all the way through for writing. Older kids are great writers. English 101 had been a breeze for oldest. Has more than 100% and professor compliments his writing ;) doing great in math too although some people here scared me that MuS wasn't enough and IEW produced weak writers. I think those programs need to be used consistently and all the way through to see the best results. Not just dabbled in or tried. Hence my stance on not curriculum hopping and being consistent!!

 

Basically anything that keeps multiple kids together for as much as possible and then just doing it every day ;) almost anything will work if you do it!! Be consistent.

 

ETA: this sounds like I'm lecturing or telling you how to homeschool. I didn't mean it to. I was just describing my "methods"

[Excelsior! Academy]

Do you live more rural, or more suburban/city?

 

If rural, do you think it helps to have your own outside space?

 

If not rural, do you think that makes it harder to have so many?

Suburbia.  No, great neighborhood with pool, tennis courts, and park.  Our house is on two lots with a huge greenbelt.

 

Towels use to drive me crazy.  Now, we only use white towels and wash cloths.  There are no more color-themed towels to match certain bathrooms.  With all white towels, I can bleach them with each washing. They retain their like-new appearance a lot longer than colorful/decorated towels.  I don't have to try to refill each bathroom specifically or anything.  An armload goes into my bathroom's linen closet, and another goes into the one upstairs (we have three bathrooms but only two with showers/baths).

 

My husband and I will use ours about twice.  It's easy for us to keep track.  Everyone else just drops their towels/cloths in the laundry room.  I wash towels about every other day.  We purchased enough to last that long.  Oh, I do buy colorful washcloths to use for cleaning.  So, white towels are for people, and colorful cloths for cleaning.  It works well.  This is for a family of 9.  All are at home except the oldest.  I really should have done the white theme with the bed linens - maybe one day.

I was hoping you would post!!  We have color coded ribbons sewn on our towels, but they are all white.  It makes it so much easier to wash them altogether.

 

 

uhm, what curriculums/methods  do you use? :blush5:  I had to ask!

Lots.  We tailor the curricula to the child and to what gets done.  It can be the greatest curriculum in the world, but if you don't have time for it, it isn't right at the time.  We have different children using Saxon, Teaching Textbooks, Montessori, and Life of Fred for math.  English is about as diverse.  We outsource for Speech and Debate, but prep for Bible bowl at home. The curricula we choose is my servant not my master.  I try to accomplish each day what I can and hope that God will make up the rest. 

 

[Laura Corin]

My question is something like this.... Wold it have prevented you from having two? 

 

No, but - without going into too many details - we have financial resources that have allowed us to weather the last three years of total and partial unemployment.  Knowledge of the limits of those resources is one of the reasons that we stopped at two.  

 

Now, I'm not saying that people should only have children at all if they could cope in all possible circumstances.  But I can't imagine the extra feeling or responsibility and worry resulting from having so many more mouths to feed.

 

L

[mom2att]

What about special needs?  My middle child has processing issues that have not only required a chunk of change for therapy and testing, but also various accommodations/extra help with school work/things that would be difficult to accomplish in a family of many children.  I look at large families and how well they function and can't help but wonder, do they just not have a kid like mine?  What would they do if they did?  And then I wonder if they do and they just manage it way better than me . . . so what do special needs look like in your large family?

 

 

[Heather in Neverland]

How do your children feel about being one of many? I know lots of large families and for some of them the children love being in a large family (and the older ones are even starting their own large families), but I also know several whose kids resent it. They feel like they have missed out on many opportunities in life because their "mom and dad won't stop having more babies." That's a quote...not my words.

 

They resent that there is never any money for extras, they can't take music lessons or play sports, or go to the movies with their friends, etc., because the family is tapped out trying to feed 11 children. My son's best friend carries loads of resentment against his parents right now because he wants to do all the things his friends are doing but his parents tell him he can't because they are a large family and they just don't have the money. He loves his siblings! But he is sad and I feel for him. Tonight especially because there is a group of them going to see Spider-Man and he can't go and my son feels bad for him.

 

How do you deal with those feelings?

[Carrie12345]

How do your children feel about being one of many?

 

I "only" have 5 of my own, but my oldest is from another relationship. His father has 2 more with a 3rd on the way.  So he is the eldest of 7, soon to be 8.  He likes it okay, though I'm sure it helps that we're spread over two houses!

 

He does get uncomfortable when random people ask him about it. I can't tell you whether that's an ASD thing or a Big Brother of Many thing.

[BlsdMama]

Do you live more rural, or more suburban/city?

 

If rural, do you think it helps to have your own outside space?

 

If not rural, do you think that makes it harder to have so many?

 

We lived in a small town before this on almost a fenced acre.  The backyard was FAR more important to me than the house.  It was a rental and we were holding out for the country because without a great yard, I'm toast.  My kids are outdoor kids and I need to be able to let them out to run and play.

 

The house we're buying is on almost two acres.  I'm grateful.  We have the kids but then we also have a big German Shepherd.  Some days I suspect he's the equal of 3 of them. 

[BlsdMama]

uhm, what curriculums/methods  do you use? :blush5:  I had to ask!

 

LOL!  That has been an evolution.  I love CM and when Ana was little we followed TWTM to the hilt.  I had a breakdown in sixth grade when I realized I could  no longer write and execute all my own lesson plans.  We tried Sonlight which was a poor fit for me.  We went to Tapestry for a couple years and then MFW. 

 

What works best for me is what gets done and that's a different thing for each child.  I suspect my method will change a lot over the next few years again.  My  oldest two are VERY much my husband - task oriented, git 'er done kids.  They wake up in the morning and push themselves.  The third is very much me and while she is super sweet and willing, she'd rather memorize poems and perform. :)  The fourth is very eccentric - nature girl, an extremely (extremely) gifted child, but without the ability to organize work and thoughts and structure, very artistic.  The next one has serious learning hindrances that we spend a lot of time working on and we're only at the tip of learning how to help.  The seven year old is the teacher's pet.  She'll do anything she's asked, a pleaser.  The five year old is an oldest child all over again, very driven, much more serious, very academic.   The four year old is a bundle of energy in a small body and never, EVER stops moving.  They are all so different.  But I am finding that CM centered history/science works for all.  I had hoped Rod & Staff would work for all in English and Math but we've recently had some of our kids evaluated for dyslexia.   It runs in our family, DH is a dyslexic and it's completely hereditary.  We have three kids going through Barton right now (which is incredibly time intensive for me) and, most likely, considering statistics and speech patterns, it is likely both the 4yo and the almost 3yo are both dyslexic to some degree.  The 15yo has an AMAZING memory so that has helped him overcome.  (He is SO his father.)  The 12yo is reading at or above grade level so it's working for her.  The 9yo is struggling but working hard.

 

I suspect the nicest thing about a big family is that we less expect them to fit a mold we have in our heads.  Instead, our goal is how we can best equip him to succeed in his strengths.

[BlsdMama]

No, but - without going into too many details - we have financial resources that have allowed us to weather the last three years of total and partial unemployment.  Knowledge of the limits of those resources is one of the reasons that we stopped at two.  

 

Now, I'm not saying that people should only have children at all if they could cope in all possible circumstances.  But I can't imagine the extra feeling or responsibility and worry resulting from having so many more mouths to feed.

 

L

 

Laura,

 

To explain better, my DH was in the Army.  We have two close friends, both with large families, where the husband was seriously injured and/or has lasting disabilities from their time in the military.  These are young men, in their prime, and they are, to some degree, broken.  One of the friends, a fantastic woman, has been diagnosed with a life altering disease that will only become more disabling with time - RA. 

 

The truth is, no amount of financial resources would prepare them for this.  They had a plan, both for working and then for retirement.  They were good, sound plans.  They had great healthcare.   These families were going to be in the military, retire, go out and get different jobs.  Life changed their best laid plans. 

 

My husband has an excellent plan. He is in a solid company, very upwardly mobile, he changes positions about every 3 years, each time with a raise.  We have healthcare, he has a retirement savings account.

 

The day he has a car accident and is disabled forever, all those plans are gone.  The day he has, as one of my uncles did, a heart attack at 41 (God forbid) and dies, all those plans are gone.  The day he ends up with cancer or Parkinsons or severe RA all plans are gone.    We have large extended families.  I assume everyone would pitch in as we would for them.  A large family provides a large degree of security especially over decades and generations.

 

I love these verses:

Do Not Worry

25“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^e ?

28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

 

So much of our "security" is actually just in our own minds.  The truth is, when the wall comes tumbling down, down it comes. 

 

My grandfather now lives in assisted living.  He had 11 children.

At the time they had them it made no sense whatsoever.  His wife was staying at home.  He had outside employment plus he ran the family farm.  He worked and worked and worked. My dad essentially remembers having A pair of jeans.  They got washed at night after chores.  Then they wore them to school the next morning.  You did that until they wore out then you got a new pair.   My grandma always told me how lucky I was to live in a time with consignment shops and garage sales!!  They had to buy everything new at Sears back then!!  ;)  Grandpa was alive and very young during the Depression and one of my favorite memories was him teaching me the proper way to peel a potato.  You couldn't use a peeler!!  It wasted too much skin.  You had to use a very sharp paring knife and go slowly so the potato wasn't wasted.  (Never mind that we could have left the peels on, lol.)

 

It probably seemed a little crazy then for them to have so many children.

 

But I will tell you I visit him often now.  It is rare for him to go ONE day without company.

He has 11 children.  He has 30+ grandchildren.  He has many (?) great grandchildren.  We watched him be a devoted son and visit his mother to feed her when she was old.  They gave up going South in the winter so that someone could visit with her daily and feed her lunch so she'd eat good.

 

And that man is reaping what he sowed.  It is so lonely there at the assisted living facility.  People busy about their lives while the old are put into clean rooms and their needs cared for, when what they REALLY need is to feel valued and loved and be given a place of esteem in society.  Instead they're made to feel a burden, God forbid it.

 

I look at him and I think, "Thank you Lord for all these beautiful children."

 

It is chaotic, and crazy, and exhausting.  I don't have "me" time, lol.  I'll have WAY too much of that at 70, 80, and 90, Grandpa assures me!  The other day my Dad was telling me how Grandpa used to holler and yell because they couldn't make it through a meal without somebody spilling their milk.  And I had to laugh, because we CONSTANTLY have spills.  But Grandpa was telling me one of the hardest parts of Grandma being gone is meals.  :(  Because, as he said, meals are for families.  It's not just eating.

 

Do you know how sad that it is?  And do you know how much more having him around makes me value all the energy and effort these little ones suck from me.

 

I am probably one of the most blessed women you will ever know.  Not because I have so many children.  But, because two generations ago, my grandparents sacrificed in incredible ways because they trusted God with their family size and now I have this picture of what to strive for - RELATIONSHIPS.

 

It is not enough to have many children.  The truth is there is nothing more "holy" about 2 children or 12, lol.  Though many people assume you are a saint and have oodles of patience.  (Not true of ME anyway.)    But they taught me to strive for close personal, sacrificial relationships.  And while anyone can teach that to two children if they know what they are aiming for, we are very blessed in large families to acheive that more without effort.

 

The truth?  There is never enough to go around.  Someone will forego seconds for someone else on a night when Grandma didn't know how much to make.  Someone will have to let a little scared person into their bed that they share a room with.  They learn to comfort the weak and the needy if Mama is nursing the new baby or is hugely pregnant and can't pick up the two year old.  They lay aside their college homework for 15 minutes to listen to the 5yo and how her day went.

 

Large families have sacrifice built into them.  Money, time, energy, it's all limited and so we can never have enough of it.  But it is precisely the sacrifice that then turns them into amazing adults.   I worried about all these things - the not having enough, before I could see what was happening in the long run.  Now I notice things about my aunts and uncles I didn't see before.  And I see things in my teens that I know came as a result of being a part of a big family.  And I'm grateful.

 

There is never enough, not money, not security, not time, not energy.  But it is precisely that that is also a blessing. ;)

[Laura Corin]

 

 

My husband has an excellent plan. He is in a solid company, very upwardly mobile, he changes positions about every 3 years, each time with a raise.  We have healthcare, he has a retirement savings account.

 

The day he has a car accident and is disabled forever, all those plans are gone.  The day he has, as one of my uncles did, a heart attack at 41 (God forbid) and dies, all those plans are gone.  The day he ends up with cancer or Parkinsons or severe RA all plans are gone.    

 

I can understand the emotional support that a large family can bring: my father had five children in all, and there was a lot of support for him at the end.  

 

Financial support?  I'm glad it works for you.  And I know that I'm in a very lucky position in having some unearned income that is not dependent on either my or my husband's health or life.  And a National Health Service.

 

L