acsnmama Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 I've been here before. Years ago I didn't know what it meant to have a personal relationship with Christ. Yet I grew up going to Church all my life. I had always heard that God is the only one that can fill loneliness/void in our lives but never knew what that meant, even though I considered myself a born again Christian . Now as I've grown older and grown in wisdom, I'm realizing more of what it means to have a relationship with Christ, but yet I still feel that emptiness, loneliness and void when I wake up in the morning and throughout the day. I've struggled with depression, which is chronic for me. But I can't help but still question, how does God fill our voids? Maybe I'm waiting on some miraculous event rather then trusting and being thankful everyday. I'm happy with what I have, I have so many blessings in life, way more than I deserve. I'm not unhappy with materialistic things, I just have very little joy most of the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 I don't know of you would have the same experience, but my 20+ year old, always lacking somehow, Christianity got filled to overflowing when I converted to Orthodox Christianity. Even now, five years in, I'm in awe of the goodness, purity, beauty and depth of this very early Christian faith. Before I was always looking around the next corner, now I just worship daily with the ancient church. Sorry so quick and to the point, I'm on my phone. My prayers for you. I think my point above, rather than "Become Orthodox!" is to realize maybe Christianity was meant to be far different than you'd ever thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 I am not sure the void analogy is anything but Christian urban legend. Does that make you feel better? I'm not trying to be trite--I think that everyone experiences things differently, and while some people do have a void that is filled, I don't think that feeling a void means that God isn't with us or working in our lives. I feel the way you do pretty frequently. Most of it is due to feeling out of sync with my world and not knowing how to reconcile that to the spiritual side of things. There will always be cognitive dissonance in our lives if we are intellectually honest folk, and over-spiritualizing everything is life-sucking IMO. I am not sure having a lot of joy with little kids around is everyone's cup of tea or ought to be a high point for everyone. In some circles, that's just heresy. You can be a great mom while still finding it life-sucking. I try to concentrate on being faithful vs. being fulfilled, but I am a glass half-empty person by nature--if something turns out to be better than that, it's party time. If I turn out to be right, I feel like a well-adjusted person, not a naysayer. :-) If I listen to the overly positive folks in life too much, I would be in deep despair at all times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Maybe not the Christian perspective you are looking for, but I'll tell you from personal experience, depression changes everything. There is no way to look at things clearly from that place. I don't care how strong in the faith you are or what you have been told. Depression isn't about whether you are a good Christian or not! What depression and loneliness taught me about how God fills voids had to do with opening myself to needing other people. Real healing started when I learned that for a while, I was going to need to rest, to trust in my doctors, and in my DH as well as in God, because he put those people in a place to help me. I learned to let go a little, to realize that I wasn't as capable of controlling life as I thought I was and that healing, recovering and living was more possible and better with other people. I hope you are getting help for your depression. Especially if you have no moments of joy. Boy, do I remember how horrible that was! If you haven't been seen and worked with for your depression, I encourage you to get that help. It could make all the difference in the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Zoloft filled my void. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Maybe not the Christian perspective you are looking for, but I'll tell you from personal experience, depression changes everything. There is no way to look at things clearly from that place. I don't care how strong in the faith you are or what you have been told. Depression isn't about whether you are a good Christian or not! What depression and loneliness taught me about how God fills voids had to do with opening myself to needing other people. Real healing started when I learned that for a while, I was going to need to rest, to trust in my doctors, and in my DH as well as in God, because he put those people in a place to help me. I learned to let go a little, to realize that I wasn't as capable of controlling life as I thought I was and that healing, recovering and living was more possible and better with other people. I hope you are getting help for your depression. Especially if you have no moments of joy. Boy, do I remember how horrible that was! If you haven't been seen and worked with for your depression, I encourage you to get that help. It could make all the difference in the world. I really like this answer! When depression is involved its a whole new can of worms!!! I suffer from depression and am currently struggling with it big time today. Today I feel that void/emptiness but I have come to realize it has nothing to do with an emptiness from God. It is the depression that makes me feel this way. God of course can help me through my depression and does by helping me realize I need to ask for help, take care of myself, and selflessly just DO what needs to get done sometimes depression or no depression(not doing this one so well today.) It could be that you are missing some aspect of Christ in your life but it could also be your depression making you feel like you are. My best suggesting for figuring out which is the case is by writing. Write how you are feeling right now, what you feel is missing, why you feel that is missing, and what factors could be contributing to it. On a day where you are not feeling as depressed as usual write how you are feeling. Do you still feel a void? Do you feel fulfilled? Is something still missing? Writing and reflecting on your own words when you are in a different state of mind than when you originally wrote it can tell you a lot about something you are struggling with. Also, if you aren't getting medical care for your depression you may want to seek it. I do not because I know any medical intervention doesn't truly help me and in some cases makes things worse (I know from past experiences.) For me I battle my depression with exercise, healthy eating, and writing. Most of the time it helps. Sometimes it doesn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavender's green Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Right now I don't really have time to give an adequate answer, sorry! First of all, are you being treated for the medical side of it? And therapy? I think those are equally important. A big transformation in my life was when I went from having a simple, child-like conception of Christianity (I was an atheist for much of this time), to reading metaphysics, philosophy, and theology. Now I know, through reason, that there is no void. It's wonderful to know that. It's healing. I hope to convert to an older and more theologically rigorous church than the one I grew up with, and I look forward to participating in the transcendent aspects of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alef Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 A feeling of emptiness is a symptom of depression, I would not ascribe it to the state of your relationship with God. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acsnmama Posted April 8, 2014 Author Share Posted April 8, 2014 I'm not on anything now, I am pregnant, so I'm trying to avoid medication at this point. I was great a few days ago, and I have improved some since taking DHA and having a better diet. I have tried contacting a Christian counselor, but they were going to have me see a male. Nothing wrong with male "doctors" my OB and GP are both males, but for therapy, spilling my heart out... I'd prefer a female. Preferably one who has a husband and kids. Course I don't ask before hand, but my previous counselor had no family of her own, she was single and it was very difficult to relate to her, no matter how much training she has under her belt. I decided to let the Christian counseling center know that I prefer a female counselor and they said they understand and were trying to get an appointment for me, but never returned my call, they seem somewhat disorganized and aren't good about call backs. I'll look elsewhere. I think part of my issue is, I have trouble believing Gods truths apply to me. Sounds pretty silly huh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3 Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Pray about it! :) That might sound overly simplistic...but if you ask God what is making you feel this way, He is sure to let you know! God is *so* interested in our relationship with Him, and with the state of our mental/physiological/etc. being - He will take your question seriously, and give you wisdom to find the answer. I am not saying *not* to ask people for advice. Just encouraging you to also ask Him to make clear which advice to heed! Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all you heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3 Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 I'm not on anything now, I am pregnant, so I'm trying to avoid medication at this point. I was great a few days ago, and I have improved some since taking DHA and having a better diet. I have tried contacting a Christian counselor, but they were going to have me see a male. Nothing wrong with male "doctors" my OB and GP are both males, but for therapy, spilling my heart out... I'd prefer a female. Preferably one who has a husband and kids. Course I don't ask before hand, but my previous counselor had no family of her own, she was single and it was very difficult to relate to her, no matter how much training she has under her belt. I decided to let the Christian counseling center know that I prefer a female counselor and they said they understand and were trying to get an appointment for me, but never returned my call, they seem somewhat disorganized and aren't good about call backs. I'll look elsewhere. I think part of my issue is, I have trouble believing Gods truths apply to me. Sounds pretty silly huh? Is there a specific truth that you haven't seen 'true' in your life? Sometimes trials & circumstances can make it difficult to believe & trust God. The story of Job would be a huge example of someone who really was a righteous man, but his circumstances were horrible! He chose to believe God anyway, he learned a whole lot about the Person & Character of God and God blessed him for his faith! Do you struggle with insecurity (not feeling like you measure up)? When I put my trust in Christ to save me from my sins, He brought me into a relationship with Himself that isn't based on my merits, but on His character. And God doesn't change (thankfully!). :) Hebrews 10 is a tremendously encouraging passage: *I* can come *boldly* to the very throne of God - not because of myself, but because of the blood of Christ. If I'm harboring sin, I have to deal with that first (I John 1:9). Then God promises to remember our sins "no more." What a wonderful thought! :) I don't know if that helps at all... Maybe I'm totally missing what you are trying to say. Do you have a specific example of truth that you are struggling with? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Depression is such a bitch. There, I said it. She makes you listen to all the negative tapes from the past--whatever you grew up with that became part of your outlook/worldview/self image, that is false and unhealthy. You are wise to seek counseling from someone who can help you uncover the lies and embrace the truth--that you are wonderfully made, and that God earnestly desires to be with you. :hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Maybe not the Christian perspective you are looking for, but I'll tell you from personal experience, depression changes everything. There is no way to look at things clearly from that place. I don't care how strong in the faith you are or what you have been told. Depression isn't about whether you are a good Christian or not! What depression and loneliness taught me about how God fills voids had to do with opening myself to needing other people. Real healing started when I learned that for a while, I was going to need to rest, to trust in my doctors, and in my DH as well as in God, because he put those people in a place to help me. I learned to let go a little, to realize that I wasn't as capable of controlling life as I thought I was and that healing, recovering and living was more possible and better with other people. I hope you are getting help for your depression. Especially if you have no moments of joy. Boy, do I remember how horrible that was! If you haven't been seen and worked with for your depression, I encourage you to get that help. It could make all the difference in the world. I completely agree with this. It may not be that God isn't there touching you - it may be your depression is overwhelming you. But, you also don't say from what kind of Christian perspective you come from either... perhaps there's something there you're not finding. Gosh, there's so much I could say and I don't know that this is the place to say it... but I also had a similar exp. as Milovany. I often felt that something was missing from my Christian experience. That "longing sigh". It wasn't until I started studying about the historical church and found it wasn't some happy, clappy feeling type of experience for most/all early Christians. It helped me to know that and to find Orthodox Christianity, which acknowledges that suffering and hardship is very much part of our Christian journey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 How does God fill our voids? I have a little bit more time now. This is an important question! You're courageous to ask it. For me, now, it's through participating in the life of the sacramental church. Receiving the Eucharist, participating in confession and being absolved by the priest, going to the services, living the yearly cycle of the faith, etc. This is what has filled me up to overflowing. I will admit that I do not have much experience with actual clinical depression, and I know it's different, but a void-filled Christianity was very depressing to me. It was sad that what I knew was all there was to the faith -- something we as Christians think of as such a HUGE life-changing thing. My life wasn't all that different from anyone's around me. Now I'm not concerned with the -- I just want to worship God in the ways He's given and to press on in faith and repentance throughout life. How does this work when it didn't before? It got my faith out of my head and understanding and into what I do -- it's not just spiritual/intellectual, but physical, too. I receive the body and blood of Christ, I stand and pray, I fast, I ask people for forgiveness, I commemorate the feasts and saints of the church, I smell incense and light candles, I hear bells and beautiful ancient melodies -- and I do this with hundreds of thousands of other Orthodox Christians on the same days/at the same times. It's pretty powerful, and this is how God designed it at the beginning. Hugs to you! I pray for peace and joy on your journey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 It does not sound strange at all that you would question how God's truths apply to you. It's a funny thing how depression drives us into deep analysis over everything: every decision, every past event that might possibly have shaped us, every doubt, every blasted single thing. And just when we DON'T need to be doing it! Honestly, at the worst of my depression, struggling with the wrong kind of medication (it does sometimes take a while to get things right!) I became convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt, that my DH was the root of all ills, and that I must have been insane to marry him. Thank goodness I was far too depressed to act on my conviction, because I swear, that man went through hell with me, he practically carried me through. It will be 14 years in a week we have been married, we have two wonderful boys, and I was completely, certainly sure I'd made the worst mistake of my life! Depression has a way of making you analyse, and reflect, but it's not often a productive reflection until the depression lifts. Then it can be productive. It's an illness, and like a terrible illness, there may be things in your life that you will want to change, or to wrestle with. DON'T DO IT NOW. I don't think I can use caps big enough. Looking back I can take what I learned about myself in that dark place and make changes. I can appreciate the depth of the despair and thank God that I had people who loved me enough to stay with me. If I could give one more piece of advice, I would tell you what my dearest aunt told me when I called her, crying to tell her how hard I was trying to understand my depression, how many books I was reading, everything I was doing to get over it. She listened to me, and then said, "Go work a puzzle." She startled me into being quiet. "Go work a puzzle. You are trying to hard. You can't understand it now. Go put away the books. Just go make a cup of tea, and I want you to get out your favorite puzzle and work it." And by golly, it helped. I think she knew that I had a tendency in general to try to make sense of things. I need things to make sense, and to be orderly. Depression is anything but sense and order. But I couldn't put that puzzle together, not right then. It was more than I could handle, and I needed to be quiet, to rest, and to take my help. In the meantime, work a puzzle. Having something that I could order that was NOT in my mind really seemed to be helpful. I do hope others who have struggled with depression might have some insight on ways that they learned how to rest their minds and recover. Or maybe my experience was just unique, but it really seemed that there might be something to giving the mind something to do that wasn't inwardly focused. Edit: Do not underestimate the effect that your pregnancy is having on your brain and body chemistry either! And congratulations! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 I used to be a very anxious person even during my ongoing relationship with Jesus. I too had trouble believing God's promises to me. Due to some very difficult years in my life, I went on an anti- anxiety medication for 6 months because of severe insomnia. All of a sudden, I realized how messed up my thinking really was and I was able to see anxiety for what it was. I've been off it for years now, but there is a deeper faith. I had to come to a decision to either believe what God said is true and applies to me or just jump ship. It wasn't a feeling, but a decision. I can't say that everything is rosey, but my anxiety is a fleeting feeling now rather than all emcompassing clouding everything. I also had to make a decision to believe that God is good because there have been things that make it not seem so. Despite everything, I can say "God is good." Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Others have addressed the medical aspect of depression, which I support. But I also wanted to add my own perspective. These past several years, as a result of some very traumatic, life-changing events, I have felt a very real, spiritual depression. (And I have been a Christian all my life.) Trite Christian sayings, or even not-trite ones -- from very well-meaning people, did not help at all. (Things like, "Pray about it, give it over to God, you can rest in Him, you are not alone) were absolutely meaningless to me. Christian-psychology books sounded like babble. I never FELT God in my life, like some people seem to. About six months I ago I got ahold of a book called, "Letters from a Skeptic," by Gregg Boyd. Gregg didn't grow up in a Christian home but became one as a young adult. He's an intellectual Christian who doesn't believe things just because the church tells him to. Anyway, the book is a series of letters between him and his father, who was NOT a Christian. The father was asking him serious questions that address how anyone could actually believe in Christianity, and the son (the author) answers them in letters. This book was life-changing for me, at a time when I really needed to hear it. It addresses more of the historical/intellectual aspect of Christianity which is I guess what I needed to hear. It finally felt like the ground beneath me was solid. Any sad emotions going on in my heart now don't affect me nearly as much anymore, now that the foundation beneath them is solid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Wow, hugs to you, and I truly hope you find some peace soon. I think if we are all honest, all of us feel that way at times. Myself included. One thing I was told lately, was to always stand on the Truth. Truth for me is in Gods Word. Feelings come and go, but His word never changes. I am currently on anti depression medication, and wish I had started sooner.It is not a sign of weakness nor is it all in your head. Our bodies get sick, and need medication, and for some, our emotional being gets sick as well. Try and seek a doctor that can help you. Hugs and prayers for you during this time, and please know, you are not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 When I'm feeling off, anxious sad, or like I got spiritually slimed by a creepy acquaintance I find listening to praise and worship music helps. And this might sound particularly charismatic, but so does dancing, singing, and clapping to the praise and worship music. I will say though that all our actions won't make much difference if your thoughts are wrong or your hormones are off. If you're on the pill try a non hormonal birth control and see if that helps. Try consuming less dairy and only the kind with no added hormones. A cognitive therapist can help you examine your thoughts and learn to change the ones that aren't true. So can praying the Bible. Those Stormie Omartian prayer books can really help. When I've been down in the past I picked out the prayers from her books that really applied to my life, recorded an mp3 of myself saying those prayers, and listened and prayed along with them while I went for a walk in the sunshine every day. They were amazing, powerful prayers but I will say maybe only 10-20% of the things I prayed about changed. My perspective on them changed a lot however. I felt much healthier psychologically. I let go of a lot of the need to control things I had no ability to control. I learned to focus on what I am responsible for. I became much happier. Later I learned about cognitive therapy and figured out that's what I'd done with those prayers, all by myself. Since then I've had several people tell me I'm the sanest person they know. I think it's just that I'm much more centered, and I 100% credit those books. From a physical perspective, exercising outside in the sun in the mornings (even a slow walk) helps more than antidepressants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 Have you read Come be my Light? It's Mother Teresa's letters. For years, she was filled with a terrible feeling of emptiness, but she certainly had a deep relationship with Christ. Sometimes in certain church circles we get taught that we have to be all happy all the time. We don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 Depression and fatigue are huge contributors to feelings of loneliness. I don't know what your day-to-day life is like, but if it is "at home all the time, kids all the time, homeschool all the time," that may not fit your personality or needs right now. You have plenty going on, so I won't suggest you take on something else, but staring to work 1/4 to part-time for me really helped. I really needed to get out and be with adults (even if it was just work on the phone/email from home), doing something (not just chatting with other moms) and again sharpening the skills I acquired and used before I became a mom. If I had the "tiny years" to do over again, I would include more "meaningful, project-based work" in it for me. I think it would have helped curb the depression, loneliness and isolated feelings. ((hugs)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 :grouphug: John Piper has several good books, this series is good, all of his books are available as free PDFs, although he does suggest donations to help support the costs of his ministry and to be able to continue to offer them for free. http://www.desiringgod.org/books/the-hidden-smile-of-god Here is another, perhaps more directly related but I really liked the Swan series. http://www.desiringgod.org/books/when-the-darkness-will-not-lift Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acsnmama Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Thanks everyone. I had done a Bible study group, using the workbook "The Search for Significance" about finding our significance in Christ, not basing our self worth on our performance or what others think of you, or fear of failure. Unfortunately, I tend to base my self worth off of past mistakes (within my control, not pertaining to things out of my control). I tend to tell myself, "if you had not failed back then, you would experience joy now." I give myself very little grace, even though Christ gives us grace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Have I got a book for you! I just finished a study with our Church on the book, Dark Night of the Soul by St John of the Cross. It is a very deep, profound book but I will try to explain it a bit. St John, who was a 16th century Carmelite priest wrote a poem in prison and then explained the poem in a book. He wrote that sometimes when we don't feel God's presence and there is a void in our lives it is God helping us to mature in our faith. He explains that just as a baby is held and nursed it feels secure but then the mother must wean the baby and put him down so that he can walk to mature. St John uses that analogy to describe ourselves spiritually. He said God wants us to follow Him not for the feelings or blessings we receive from Him. I'm oversimplifying the book. I cannot do it justice at all. There are free online versions you might check out. It was very difficult reading for me but helped me understand what times of spiritual aridity could be. God could be drawing you into the Dark Night to bring you closer to Him! I will pray for you! Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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