s/o If you are a social drinker, would you be frustrated if a formal social event did not serve alcohol?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I thought she was talking about coffee.  But I don't know...

Gotcha.  Now I see what she was quoting.  I was thinking of the overall topic.  Sorry that I misunderstood.  

[duckabell]

This thread has intrigued me.  I'll chime in with my thoughts as a Mormon (my own personal viewpoint).  First, I would not be offended if somebody brought in tea, coffee, or a caffeinated beverage into my home.  Like others said, I just wouldn't have any tools they would need to make it.  Alcohol is trickier for me.  I don't expect people to know my beliefs and so I wouldn't be offended if somebody brought wine to a dinner get together in my home, but I would not open it in our house and depending on the circumstance either I would ask if they would want to take it back home with them or quietly pass it on to someone else who would enjoy it.  Most likely, if I invited someone over I would just explain that we don't drink alcohol in our home before they come so they're not uncomfortable or if they desired to have alcohol we could meet at a restaurant or some place outside of my home.  I am not offended when people drink alcohol in their own home if we are the dinner guests, but I will bring something besides a bottle of wine.  

 

We haven't run into the hosting issue that much because we live in a small apartment that is hard to have people over.  I can see us running into it more as my husband builds more business contacts.  Most likely we will meet at a place outside of our house if alcohol is expected.  

 

My husband owns a small company and it's interesting integrating your personal beliefs with expected business practices.  He hosts a group once a month where beer is provided by the venue.  We also provide pizza.  Next month it will be more formal with hors d'oeuvres.  We are debating what to do about alcohol, whether it's just beer, water, and coffee or whether we also add some wine (also from a cost perspective).  The event is free and is more of a networking community thing. Other businesses will be going in on the costs and so our company most likely won't be directly purchasing the alcohol (if we buy wine or something similar), but I can see at some point in the future where our business will be expected to purchase alcohol.  

 

[poppy]

Could you explain further, please? If people who are drinking will bid higher than if they were stone-cold sober (your words), doesn't this suggest that the alcohol's effect is pushing up the bidding rather than a person's clear reasoning?

 

I don't wish to "protect people from themselves" as much as I would prefer (not that I'm in charge...it's just what I personally prefer) that money donated in this case would come from intentional giving. I would not want to take advantage of people. I would feel that intentionally lowering people's inhibitions, even slightly, feels like I would be taking advantage of them. 

 

If I'm at a wedding with my husband and chose to have a glass of wine, it's because I want the effect it will have..... be more relaxed, more likely to dance, feel less social anxiety, and maybe be more patient with relatives who grate on my nerves.

 

If I'm at an auction and I chose to have a glass of wine, it's because I want the effect it will have..... be more relaxed, have fun with bidding and watching bids, and be more open to chatting with new people. 

 

Last time I went to an auction I had 3 glasses of wine in 3 hours and bid on a dozen items. I won more than half. I regretted none of it.  I was on the auction committee (it was at our church) and I didn't hear about anyone complaining about what they bid.

 

You serving wine doesn't victimize me. I drink because I enjoy it and because I want to.  Like most social drinkers (most responsible adults), I am capable of moderating myself. And I am aware that I am at a fundraiser and brought  a checkbook with me.  It is still intentional giving.

 

I don't think it's bad that you didn't serve alcohol! And clearly your heart is in the right place. I'm simply arguing that offering alcohol isn't necessarily taking advantage.   Have a little faith in the people you're throwing the event for.

[bettyandbob]

Just to clarify, the LDS (aka "Mormon") restriction is alcohol, coffee and tea. Not necessarily caffeine.

 

Whether or not an LDS person will drink caffeinated soft drinks is a personal thing that has no bearing on church standing. On any given day you might find Coke, Dr Pepper, or Mt Dew in my garage :D. On the other hand my SIL refuses to touch it.

:)

This is interesting correction. Many years ago our area scouting committees met at the LDS church. We were always sent notices before the meetings that we could not bring cola or coffee or other caffeinated beverages to drink during the meeting, but sprite and a few other things were ok. It was noted that the restriction was to be respectful of LDS beliefs. I learned about the restriction on coffee from a friend in college. I didn't realize the scout message was an over interpretation.

 

But I still think it's more polite not to consume things you known a host abstains from in the host's home.

[Paige]

I thought she was talking about coffee.  But I don't know...

Yeah, usually a coffee or soda or whatever. Not alcohol, LOL!

[FaithManor]

Don't care one way another.

[Murphy101]

I don't have a glass of wine because of the effect I think I might get, which isn't a might but rather sure. (I actually really hate the feeling of even being tipsy, much less drunk. I do not enjoy it or like it.)

 

I'm having a glass of wine right now after an exceptionally difficult day. I'm having the Chardonnay because it tastes great, and tastes great with coconut curry chicken.

 

I do not expect to get much reaction at all from my one to two glasses spaced over 5 hours other than enjoying the taste and feeling rather decadent for having a second glass, should I actually pour a second glass.

 

I suppose the drink might relax me, but I suspect it's more that the kids are finally in bed or doing their own teen things and me sitting in the back room watch a tv show rated above G with my dh and the toddler asleep in our bed is more relaxing than the Chardonnay.

[Forget-Me-Not]

I am a slow, slow drinker and frequently bring whatever drink I have in the car into friends' homes for playdates and such. It never crossed my mind if it was rude. It feels like a waste to throw it away. I don't know if any of my friends are Mormon or not. Should I ask? Would they tell me? I mean, people may mention they go to church, but I wouldn't ask their denomination- seems kind of rude to ask if the info is not offered.

 

As for the social event- I wouldn't even notice the alcohol wasn't available. I'll participate in a toast if it is offered or served with the meal, but I wouldn't miss it if it wasn't available.

I'm assuming you mean something like a cup of coffee from Starbucks? No big deal, IMO. I wouldn't be bothered at all if a non-LDS friend did this.

[Serenade]

If it were just a casual dinner at a church or church function, I would probably not be surprised or disappointed.  However, when you said "lovely" dinner, that made me think elegant, and I guess I wouldn't consider a dinner elegant without wine.  However, I'd probably rather have no wine than wine in a plastic glass!  :D

[NASDAQ]

I don't care, but I'd be surprised. Formal fundraising events here always have alcohol. In fact, I don't think I know a lot of non-drinkers.

 

 I feel mildly miffed at even having to be at a formal fundraising event (can't I just stay home in my pajamas and cut you a check for what I had to pay the babysitter?).

[Haiku]

If you went to an adult-only gathering, would you be frustrated that alcohol wasn't served? 

 

 Does its absence really make an evening that much less fun? 

 

Frustrated is not the right word. I would think it was odd. To me, it would be like inviting a bunch of teenagers over for a movie night and serving them apple juice and graham crackers. Although they might like apple juice and graham crackers, when they go out with their friends, they want something more "fun" or "special," for lack of a better word. Something more grown-up. Think pizza and soda.

 

Now, I feel that you presented two different scenarios. At a Christian fundraiser, I probably wouldn't expect alcohol (unless it was a Catholic event ... and no offense intended, but my husband's family is Catholic and their church events ALWAYS serve alcohol). At a run-of-the-mill adult-only gathering, I would. It doesn't make the evening more "fun," but I like beer (not so much liquor, and I don't drink wine at all due to a sulfite allergy), and when I get dressed up and go out, I want to drink something that I like that isn't my average daily beverage, if that makes sense.

 

The problem I run into is that I find American domestic lagers to be bland and tasteless, so even if they are serving beer, if it's "Bud, Bud Light, Miller, Miller Light, Coors, Coors Light" (said in my best bored-waitress voice), I won't drink it anyway. I drink snobby beer. :D

[goldberry]

I wouldn't think anything about it. But I am shocked at how many people think wedding receptions without alcohol are weird or boring. I enjoy a drink occasionally. But it would never occur to me to think I couldn't have a good time without alcohol there.

[StaceyinLA]

>>However, I will note that silent auctions do much better when there is alcohol!<<

 

My first thought when I read it was this. Honestly I could care less because I rarely drink, but I know people who want and expect a glass of wine at a nice function.

[StaceyinLA]

After reading all of the posts, I am wondering what people think about the comparisons between food being served at every event in those churches that prohibit alcohol.

 

NVM I'm gonna do a spin-off...

[poppy]

I wouldn't think anything about it. But I am shocked at how many people think wedding receptions without alcohol are weird or boring. I enjoy a drink occasionally. But it would never occur to me to think I couldn't have a good time without alcohol there.

 

Has anyone said it was impossible to have a good time without alcohol?  I must have missed that, or you're making an unfair assumption.  I like the "teens expect soda and pizza, not apple juice and graham crackers" comparison above. 

[Tammyla]

No alcohol at a social function or party wouldn't not bother me, nor would I expect alcohol at one. 

[AimeeM]

No, lol - I wouldn't be frustrated.

[SailorMom]

Frustrated about no alcohol - of course not.  Able to enjoy myself - absolutely.

[HappyCrazyMama]

I am a social drinker and if alcohol was served I'd have some but it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if it was not served. :)

[ocelotmom]

Given past experience, I wouldn't even notice the lack unless someone mentioned it, and it certainly wouldn't surprise me, especially of a religious organization. 

 

I drink occasionally, but I'm kind of oblivious in general.

 

(Example: I was trying to remember if my brother had alcohol at his wedding reception... which took place at a winery. I'm sure they must have, given the venue, but I honestly can't remember.)

[SailorMom]

I wanted to add after reading a few posts that I don't drink to get tipsy.  I drink wine because I really enjoy the taste of wine.  I drink one glass very slowly usually so that I can enjoy the flavor and not get tipsy (I'm a real lightweight).  Also - we drink expensive wine, so chugging is not an option, lol..... 

Drinking for flavor is just as common as drinking for effect with most people. 

[Khselee]

Personally, I would have no issue; I never do. I don't drink, generally speaking; I don't think alcohol should be a precedent to having a good time. DH never drinks anywhere but home. My wedding was the first experience I ever had with someone objecting to the lack of alcohol. DH's best man's wife had a HUGE issue with it, and was talking about smuggling alcohol in (It was a dry venue), and all kind of nonsense. In fact, her response to our "dry venue" has lasted to this day.

[Greenmama2]

No, it would not bother me. ITA with Bill about the coffee though!

[Greenmama2]

No, it would not bother me. ITA with Bill about the coffee though!

[Ripley]

I was part of a team that helped organize a 300 person fundraiser for a non-profit organization. It is a Christian organization that focuses on education not missions (if that matters). There was a lovely dinner and silent and live auction. No alcohol was served.

 

If you went to an adult-only gathering, would you be frustrated that alcohol wasn't served? Would you be able to enjoy yourself without alcohol being served? 

 

I guess I'm surprised that I'm hearing some negative feedback about an otherwise lovely event regarding the absence of alcohol.  Does its absence really make an evening that much less fun? 

 

I live in the Bible Belt.  My own city was "dry" until about 2 years ago, and my country is "moist" - limited sales allowed.  It's the norm, here, for a non-profit to be alcohol-free. This is especially true of Christian organizations.

 

But I'm Catholic, and Irish, and we love us a good drink. LOL Yes, I can enjoy myself without it, and no I wouldn't be frustrated.  I can think of some situations where the absence of alcohol might prove disappointing, moreso from the angle of expectations than from any true inability to have fun without it.

 

If my spouse drags me to, or my membership in said organization mandates my presence at, a fundraiser - alcohol can be a great relaxer to get me in the mood after a long week at work or weeks of planning. It's not unlike the morning desire for coffee. Both elicit mood changes, and are socially acceptable in that context. 

 

If this is one of a few nights I rank worthy enough to leave young kids at home, I might like a glass of wine or a mixed drink. The event might be serving as a first or rare adult outing, and a drink might be the icing on the cake. It's not necessary to have fun, but if it was expected then it's reasonable to feel disappointed that YOUR idea of a date night ... wasn't in alignment with the planners' idea of a great event.

 

And last, fundraisers can be exhausting.  I used to organize an annual gala, and part of that was attending the events that others put on so they'd support mine in turn. Alcohol isn't necessary for fun, but it certainly helps animate some and relax others - both of those make for an easier time mingling.  It's especially true when you're there out of obligation. Some people have trained themselves to rely on it (the way some rely on coffee in the morning to perk up), so to show up and feel ... naked ... that is, unprepared to be 'on' without the expected 'aid' ... that's a personal issue that can be masked in complaints about the lack of alcohol.