kathy_overman Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 Most Mondays, my DS - 11 years old, has a complete meltdown. Today, I did too. I forgot that he does not do well transitioning back to "work." The past few weeks, I had been extra patient, encouraging and tolerant of his negotiating on Mondays. Not today. I beat my head against the brick wall that he becomes and we both ended up frustrated. :banghead: Thankfully, we turned it around after lunch, but why oh why do we have to keep repeating this pattern? Anyone else have hard Mondays? Any words of wisdom? How do we parents teach them the value of hard work - especially on a Monday? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 Does he like school the rest of the week? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 Monday usually goes really well for us. Kids best friend comes over at 1pm so we have a hard set deadline for finishing work. Sometimes we don't get it all done, but we save the couch school for last so the kids are usually happy or contend to finish off school at night. (Couch school is reading with me, and listening to me read) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2TheTeam Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 Mondays usually go pretty well for us too. We are ready to get back to the normalcy of school rather than the craziness of the weekend. We struggle more at the end of the week. I'm sorry it's a struggle for you OP. If you have a light day during the week, maybe Friday, maybe you could move it to Mondays. Maybe you should make Sunday and Monday your "weekend" and school Tuesday through Saturday instead. LOL!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathy_overman Posted September 30, 2013 Author Share Posted September 30, 2013 Oh, bummer. So this may be a kid issue, not a Monday issue. He is not an easy kid any day, but Monday is especially tough. He has always struggled doing what he does not "want" to do when he does not "want" to do it. As I type that, he sounds terribly spoiled, and maybe he is. He actually just told me that not much happens when he gets in trouble - ugh. I thought I was being tough/strict. He is a kid that needs strong boundaries, but pushes them constantly. Admittedly, I can be a push over. I believe HS'ing has pointed out so many things I need to change/improve, and keeping boundaries with him is just one more thing. On Monday, I want to say go do your work, and come see me when you are done - that does not work! Can you tell I am worn out from it? Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 My roommate at the Air Force Academy used to play this on Monday mornings and blast it into the hallways for everyone to hear.http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SaHAvEEbQOE&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DSaHAvEEbQOEIf your children don't like it, you could say, "Do I have to break out the Monday song?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nancy Ann Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 Mondays are tough here. It's hard to get back to learning after having a weekend filled with the kids being able to do whatever they want. My son is 11 as well. For us we don't get everything done on Mondays that we do on other days of the week. I focus on the important stuff, it just seems to take longer to do things. I think we teach them the value of hard work not by the result of how much work get's done but the attitude that we have to keep pressing on even when it's hard. I consider it a win when we do school even on days where no one is in the mood or when we have other challenges that day. We may get less done, but for me it's still a win that we pressed on and tried our best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nancy Ann Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 Oh, bummer. So this may be a kid issue, not a Monday issue. He is not an easy kid any day, but Monday is especially tough. He has always struggled doing what he does not "want" to do when he does not "want" to do it. As I type that, he sounds terribly spoiled, and maybe he is. He actually just told me that not much happens when he gets in trouble - ugh. I thought I was being tough/strict. He is a kid that needs strong boundaries, but pushes them constantly. Admittedly, I can be a push over. I believe HS'ing has pointed out so many things I need to change/improve, and keeping boundaries with him is just one more thing. On Monday, I want to say go do your work, and come see me when you are done - that does not work! Can you tell I am worn out from it? Ugh. He may be too young to tell him to just do his work on his own and tell you when he is done. My 11 year old sort of does this but it's takes a couple years of practice and giving him things to work on independently. I started having him do some small things on his own when he was 9. Have you tried giving him his own check off list? This is how I started with my son to move him to independence. I put down just a few things like Math - Lesson 32, or Read Chapter 12 of his book etc... I still do a lot of stuff with my son, For one, I enjoy working with him, I don't have a lot of other kids to homeschool. My daughter is just 4. So, I like reading and doing things together. But, I have him do some things on his own. Many times, like for language arts. I sit at the table with him and we do All About Spelling together, than I read through the Growing with Grammar lesson with him and talk about it, than the assigned grammar workbook pages he does by himself. I just get up from the table and he works on it while I do the dishes or something, or do something with my daughter. The only time it works for me to assign my son something on his own is if I write it down on a list and tell him now it's time for him to work on his list. I put chores on that list as well. I think kids this age, especially boys still need some hand holding. Don't worry, he is still young and he will gradually grow up and be even more independent. It sounds like maybe you are swimming upstream. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 With us you are allowed to have a really bad grumpy day and school is cancelled just because you are to grumpy. I usually have a light school day once a month due to my feelings. But if we are cancelling school because of grumpiness you get measured and you have to be taller then the last time you were measured. If you aren't taller you can pick to very quickly start acting appropriately or ... You get time in your room. Lectures on responsibility. You get to have lectures and books about proper behavior incorporated into school. You get to hear stories about family and friends and how the way they acted affected them and their families. You get to be asked to do more chores till you learn how to do them quickly and without complaint.... and all that goes on for days, and days till I think it is no longer needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 I have instituted Monday morning tea time. It helps all of us transition back to the grind. We don't do it every week, but even on days we don't, we move slowly, and spend a lot of time sitting at the table together. Have something for yourself to do, too, so you don't lose your mind over the cold molasses pace. Not everyone is ready to jump right in. Especially resistant kids. This is just an aspect of their personalities. Afa boundaries, set it up, enforce it, remind him that he chooses his actions and he chooses the consequences . Take yourself out of it. I'm working through this with my kids right now, too. I'm finding that acceptance is priceless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moonlight Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 Can you start with something fun like art or music? Maybe a read aloud together? Something you enjoy together that is calm and peaceful like poetry or a nature walk? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 Monday is tantrum day EVERY WEEK with my 10 yo. Ok, there have been a handful of easy mondays. in the past 4 years. He couldnt understand a thing I said in math, and cried and cried during spelling. i'm actually thinking I need to change math programs, but thats ok, but every single monday is bad here. I mean, when I say its time to start school in the mornings, he yells in frustration EVERY day, but mondays he falls the floor crying, and his eyes stay red for at least the first 20 minutes of the school day. i like to say he has a hard time with transitions . . . but he may also need a firmer hand. He seems to need more boundaries than my other kids and i tend to go light on school work Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 My dd11 would totally melt down if I told her to go do her work and then check back with me. She can do that one very specific subjects but not everything. What kind of a learner is he? I just had to totally revamp my curriculum and teaching style with dd11 because her learning style did not mesh with what we were doing before. (She's a visual spatial learner and was having a very difficult time.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 Mondays are tough here too. HUGS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 I will join you in the rant - Mondays stink. :banghead: We are past the meltdowns (at least the kids - I still have them ), but oh it is SOOOOO hard to get back into the routine. I think I told DD12 twice to Put A Sock In It when she was complaining about the math being impossible. She just hadn't read the directions, sigh. :toetap05: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clemota Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Adding in on the "Mondays are hard for my child" side. I forgot that this morning and DD11 and I had a HUGE blowout - it doesn't help that she's PMS'ing and doesn't quite understand how to deal with those surging hormones yet. In general I try to make Mondays an easier day, and I often need to jostle and encourage more than usual. My 6 yr old needs a bit more support as well, but not nearly as much as the older one does. I base that on personality differences, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 does anyone ever learn to deal w the surging hormones? I am pretty sure I didnt have PMS until age 40-something. (i'm pretty sure because my college boyfriend was really shocked - his mom had it really badly and he learned to deal with it and was just very surprised that I didnt.) I tried to help my daughter notice that she was breaking up w her boyfriend every month . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjgrubbs Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Mondays are generally awful here, too. Today we surprised our kids and took a field trip today so tomorrow will be our Monday...and we have dentist appointments at 2... so I'm sure tomorrow will be our Monday but probably worse! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Transition issues to that degree are not "normal," so yes to me they're significant as part of your overall look at your dc and how he's doing, whether you're seeing indication of something you might want to get evals for, etc. When you use phrases like "not an easy kid any day" and have the transition issues and... that's often the point where you start realizing maybe some evals would help. No, it's not normal. Yes, your gut is saying this is hard because something is up. I can say that, because I've btdt. Somebody else can tell you stories where there was nothing up, so there you go, more perspectives. Just saying if you were here sipping tea with me, I'd politely shoo you toward some books to start reading on explanations. It shouldn't feel like what you're describing. And what do we do about it? We do school work on Sunday. She goes to church and gets some down time, yes, but then I try to have 1 1/2-2 hours of something she has to sit down and do that is actual work. It can be an online science video or write a narration or outline something or watch something or ANYTHING, so long as it's assigned and gets her brain in "Yes Matilda, we really are doing school work" mode. If I could swing 7 days a week with her, I would. I can't, so that's what we do. And after she does that 1-2 hours (I try to hit 1 1/2 hours) of task, then we sit down and peck out our checklist for the week. Checklists are immensely helpful too, sigh. That's more thought process though, getting her in gear, so that Monday she can wake up and work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryAtHope Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 We used to have rough Mondays here, but some things that helped: 1, on Sunday evening, set up the expectation for Monday. Run down the routine briefly (get up, breakfast, 1st subject etc...) so that he has time to mentally prepare. Some kids don't think to do this naturally, and Monday hits them like a storm & they just want to fight it. 2, Workboxes. They are a concrete reminder of what you'll do, they break everything down into doable parts, and the student knows exactly when they are finished. There's no room for negotiating because they just do the boxes (and if he tries to negotiate, just refer him back to the box). It's almost like they view the box as telling them what to do, instead of Mom. 3, if he does try to negotiate...imagine how you'd respond if he said "no" to math instead of trying to negotiate for less. He knows better than to say no, likely, because he knows that response. Kids negotiate as a more sophisticated way of saying no, because it works. Instead of responding to these tactics, I used to simply say, "You're arguing. Are you choosing to disobey?" or, "You're arguing. You know what to do." or something along those lines. Don't engage in the discussion--call him on what he's doing. obviously, if there are special needs at play, or if something is harder than usual, that's worth evaluating. But it sounds like negotiating is his normal, weekly tactic...and in that case, I think it's time for boundaries. Hang in there! Merry :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 My son used have a tough time transitioning back to school on Mondays. One thing that helped was reminding him once or twice on Sunday that school was happening the next day, particularly around bedtime. Another huge help was that I would make a nice breakfast and do our SL reading, which he loved, first thing. That made it so that our day started out positively. This was a child that I could also never allow to play before school, no matter what time he got up, or transitioning would be an issue. Having a daily or weekly checklist (depending on the age) where he could see what he needed to accomplish before he would be able to play made a world of difference as well. Heaven help me whenever I tried to make a change to that list, though, even if it was to cut down on his workload. He just didn't like much change. He's just turned 14 and none of these things are issues anymore, so there is hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Can you do a Sunday night get ready for school time? Perhaps he can pull out all his books and supplies and have them ready for monday. This will perhaps get him back into the "Monday is a school day." mindset. Maybe Monday won't be so bad if he already has things laid out the next morning. Some kids just REALLY need structure. I have to make sure that my kids get to bed on time SUnday night. I have to have the house reasonably neat and be caught up on my grading and planning. It's hard for unstructured moms to have structure-needing kids, but I do it because I know it's best for my kid, and the moment my boundaries start crumbling, I can expect a crumbling in their behavior. The irony is that my structure needing kid REALLY pushes against the boundaries that she so desperately needs. I'd start with a Monday fun time with some learning games and read alouds before I jumped back to normal school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 Around here we used to talk about Monday math. It was always terrible. I think I should have just made Monday be a math review day in elementary school (heck even in middle school). It always seemed like no matter what they had done perfectly the entire week before, they couldn't do it on a Monday, they might melt down or they might get it all wrong and might melt down. :svengo: My kids didn't have any trouble with the transition back into a work routine. It was just Monday math brain. I don't think there is anything weird about Monday being hard though. I bet if you ask public school teachers, the majority would agree with you OP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 I've got a few Monday helps that I have found useful. 1) Don't expect Monday to be fun. Even if you scheduled a party for Monday at the office, the fact remains, it's still Monday. And tomorrow will be Tuesday. If Monday is a great day, the Tuesday becomes your next Monday. I don't know anybody who comes off a three day weekend saying, "Goody, I love Tuesday." Unless it is dripping with sarcasm. 2) Don't stretch out the weekend. Don't stay up late on Sunday. If anything, get up early and go to bed early. Don't be up late yourself. Don't use Sunday night to plan how you will make Monday great. Get your rest, and ensure that the family is rested up. 3) Start Monday with an activity that gives you strength. That might be Bible devotions for some, exercise for others, just sitting by a window sipping coffee for someone else. I find that a day that begins well has a better chance of going well. 4) Make sure a good breakfast is on board. Children need time to settle themselves in the morning too. I try to make sure that breakfast is not rushed, that the morning tea is ready, that the kids have time to read their comics, or discuss their plans over a good 30 minute breakfast. No rushing out to play, but they know to go get a good 15 minutes of fresh air before starting school. So we are up plenty early so that no one is rushing around. 5)Hit the ground running. If it is going to be rough, get the tough stuff out of the way first. If we are going to groan, might as well have something worth groaning about. Then I can commiserate and not get all huffed and puffed about it. "Oh, NO, I hate ART!" is a great deal more aggravating than "Oh, NO, I hate LATIN!" (The above I have actually heard on Monday. From the child who would draw all day and do art continuously.) Those things work for me. I don't know whether they will be of use, but I've found them helpful in dealing with the Monday glums. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.