So upset...sensitive topic...kids who choose to fail

[unsinkable]

I feel like I'm going to have a stroke and while I don't need you to JAWM I do need some kindness.

 

Please don't quote me. I will delete some details but leave enough info so people know what the topic is about and all your advice might help someone else.

 

My youngest got diagnosed with Nonverbal Learning disorder after starting school for the first time ever at a very competitive high school. He got some accommodations like extended time for tests but there is no resource room available.

 

This year has been horribly stressful on him and he denies that he has a LD.

 

He doesn't test well and in his worst subjects, Algebra and Biology, fails or barely passes every test and quiz. Some Algebra topics he will get in the 80s on tests. His day to day class work has kept him just passing in Biology (72) and upper 80s in algebra. Failing is 70.

 

He's been lost in the last few algebra topics so this quarter, he might not pass this quarter. Right now, he has a 45. His teacher is working w/him bc he wants him to learn the topics so that grade might go up if he keeps working and grasps the topics.

 

He needs to pass state exams in both subjects. If he fails the bio exam with too low a grade, he will fail the entire year. He can fail the exam and still pass the class if he doesn't get too low a grade. He does need to eventually pass both exams to get a diploma.

 

Here is the problem: He claims he just doesn't care anymore. He is to the point he says he hates these two teachers. They are not good matches for him BUT he has other options for help in these subjects, including tutoring at school and me. He does take advantage of the tutoring at school and will sometimes let me help.

 

But then he flips out and quits and says it doesn't matter, he's going to fail, who cares, the teachers suck.

 

OMG it is crazy making. He doesnt get that he is only hurting himself. It's almost like he thinks if he fails, he'll prove they are bad teachers. And when we try to get him to articulate what he thinks will happen when he fails, he keeps falling back on he just doesn't care. It doesn't matter, etc.

 

Please, some one tell me how to reach him. Please don't tell me to let him fail. He seems incapable of even grasping the implications of failing even when we spell it out for him.

[Whereneverever]

:grouphug:

 

Does he have a non parent adult he trusts and meshes with who could sit and talk it through with him? Some kids seem to listen better and hear the message from someone other then a parent at some stages.

[Scarlett]

(((Hugs)))

 

No advice....but I have seen many kids do this. Overwhelmed and give up.

[unsinkable]

:grouphug:

 

Does he have a non parent adult he trusts and meshes with who could sit and talk it through with him? Some kids seem to listen better and hear the message from someone other then a parent at some stages.

 

We did reach out to his favorite teacher who has been talking to DS. But DS tells him everything is fine and he is studying.

 

I finally realized that DS wasn't being honest and told the teacher, but just this weekend.

 

And DH has a friend that DS looks up to who is always encouraging him, sending him texts, etc. This man also invites DH and DS to his house with his books to study...which DS will do.

[SarahW]

It sounds like maybe he feels deeply ashamed about what he doesn't know and what he hasn't been able to do. At that point the easiest thing to do is pretend that the difficult things don't exist, or at least that you don't care about them. That way you don't have to admit how "stupid" you are, or see just how far behind everyone else.

 

I would suggest taking a short break from everything and then redirecting (so that the subject gets taught in a completely different way), but the high school schedule doesn't allow for that. :sad:

 

:grouphug:

[unsinkable]

It sounds like maybe he feels deeply ashamed about what he doesn't know and what he hasn't been able to do. At that point the easiest thing to do is pretend that the difficult things don't exist, or at least that you don't care about them. That way you don't have to admit how "stupid" you are, or see just how far behind everyone else.

 

I would suggest taking a short break from everything and then redirecting (so that the subject gets taught in a completely different way), but the high school schedule doesn't allow for that. :sad:

 

:grouphug:

 

This is what I would do when we homeschooled...and supposedly that is why DS is as far along as he is, bc I just kept trying to reteach and to come at difficult topics from a different direction.

 

But the pace of this high school is relentless.

[Starr]

Well, it is really difficult to catch up when you are so far behind. It sounds like he needs to take these classes over again. Anyway that can happen? :grouphug:

[unsinkable]

Well, it is really difficult to catch up when you are so far behind. It sounds like he needs to take these classes over again. Anyway that can happen? :grouphug:

 

I don't think he's far behind. I think the testing method (mostly multiple choice) is horrible for his learning style and his LD. He knows more than the tests show.

 

He'd have to leave the school permanently to retake the classes. While that is theoretically possible (he could go to another private school or a public school) I think the blow to his self esteem would be too much.

[Orthodox6]

I sent you a PM.

[SadieMarie]

My dd has NLD also. Have you read "NLD From the Inside Out", by Michael Brian Murphy? It might be a good one for your son to read. The author has NLD and the book is from his graduate thesis. I have read a lot about NLD since my dd was diagnosed and don't claim to be an expert or anything so please take this with a grain of salt. It does not sound like he is getting enough in the way of accommodations to me, just longer test taking times. It is my understanding that most kids with NLD would need more. But my dd is seven so we are a long way from Algebra. Is it possible that too much is being asked of your son and that is why he has given up? He really can't succeed?

[Guest inoubliable]

No advice. :( You know my DS12.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Hoping someone here has some good advice.

[Venia]

:grouphug:

 

I wonder, is this a highschool where he wants or needs to be? Does it mesh well with his future goals? Does he feel like he has any sort of control over the situation? Has his goals changed with the realization that some subjects are difficult for him? Is that upsetting to him ? More importantly, what does he think his strengths are? How can he use those strengths so those weaknesses (subjects) do not hold him back?

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

[Mrs Mungo]

Is there maybe a local parent support group? Or learning center? Or somewhere else that you could look to for help? I know what I would do with my homeschooling teens (and I do think this attitude is relatively common), but they have never been in a traditional school setting, so I have no idea how I would handle that. :(

[unsinkable]

My dd has NLD also. Have you read "NLD From the Inside Out", by Michael Brian Murphy? It might be a good one for your son to read. The author has NLD and the book is from his graduate thesis. I have read a lot about NLD since my dd was diagnosed and don't claim to be an expert or anything so please take this with a grain of salt. It does not sound like he is getting enough in the way of accommodations to me, just longer test taking times. It is my understanding that most kids with NLD would need more. But my dd is seven so we are a long way from Algebra. Is it possible that too much is being asked of your son and that is why he has given up? He really can't succeed?

 

I have downloaded the intro but have yet to read it or get the whole book. But I'll get on that.

 

It is possible that too much is being asked. and it's possible he thinks too much is being asked. I just can't seem to see the line.

[unsinkable]

:grouphug:

 

I wonder, is this a highschool where he wants or needs to be? Does it mesh well with his future goals? Does he feel like he has any sort of control over the situation? Has his goals changed with the realization that some subjects are difficult for him? Is that upsetting to him ? More importantly, what does he think his strengths are? How can he use those strengths so those weaknesses (subjects) do not hold him back?

 

This is where he WANTS to be. While it is a place that boys do leave, it is not something that he has ever mentioned.

 

He has said to me while we are driving passed the school, "Sometimes I see it <the school> and I get so excited that I'm finally there and it's finally my school."

 

He is doing well (90s) in Lit, History and Religion and Band so those are his strengths. Spanish is high 80s. His algebra teacher has also told me that DS often comes up with alternative ways of solving problems that no one else in the class does. Or that he'll solve the hardest problem in a set but get the easiest ones wrong.

[Alte Veste Academy]

If he fails, he'll prove they're bad teachers...and that it isn't him.

 

He just doesn't care because it is embarrassing to care and then fail anyway.

 

These are just defenses. My guess is that he is hurting and embarrassed and has built up a wall that is going to be hard for anyone else to get over. He's going to have to climb it from the other side, with lots of emotional support and patience. I don't know much about NLD, but I agree with a PP's suggestion to have your DS read success stories about it. I would bend over backwards to find anything and everything about those who have done great things despite the diagnosis. Effort should be praised more than outcome. I think his self-esteem is probably very low right now and I would attempt to bolster it by looking long and hard at his strengths.

[unsinkable]

(((Hugs)))

No advice....but I have seen many kids do this. Overwhelmed and give up.

I sent you a PM.

No advice. :( You know my DS12.

:grouphug: :grouphug:

Hoping someone here has some good advice.

:grouphug:

 

Thank you!

[Orthodox6]

You are ever so welcome! I had another "brainstorm" and PMd it to you.

[SadieMarie]

 

 

I have downloaded the intro but have yet to read it or get the whole book. But I'll get on that.

 

It is possible that too much is being asked. and it's possible he thinks too much is being asked. I just can't seem to see the line.

 

 

Well, Is your son one who gives up easily? Does he generally try to do his best? And I guess, in the end, there isn't that much difference between not being able to succeed and believing you can't succeed. I would be inclined to trust his judgement if he has a history of being motivated to do a good job generally. He might first need to make his peace with having an LD. And my dd doesn't want to hear anything about LDs or NLD either. I also know that my dd gets overwhelmed easily when too much is coming at her and pretty much falls apart. She falls apart in small child way though. Good luck, I am rooting for you ds and am hoping you come back with a happy ending.

[Melissa in Australia]

From my personal experience there are times where the parent needs to push and drag their child through things

[unsinkable]

Is there maybe a local parent support group? Or learning center? Or somewhere else that you could look to for help? I know what I would do with my homeschooling teens (and I do think this attitude is relatively common), but they have never been in a traditional school setting, so I have no idea how I would handle that. :(

 

 

I haven't seen a support group for this particular LD, just a general parent organization for LDs. I didn't look into it too much beside reading a pamphlet but I will.

 

 

[unsinkable]

nm

 

 

(((Patty Joanna)))

[8circles]

That's a lot to have to handle - both you and him. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[unsinkable]

If he fails, he'll prove their bad teachers...and that it isn't him.

 

He just doesn't care because it is embarrassing to care and then fail anyway.

 

These are just defenses. My guess is that he is hurting and embarrassed and has built up a wall that is going to be hard for anyone else to get over. He's going to have to climb it from the other side, with lots of emotional support and patience. I don't know much about NLD, but I agree with a PP's suggestion to have your DS read success stories about it. I would bend over backwards to find anything and everything about those who have done great things despite the diagnosis. Effort should be praised more than outcome. I think his self-esteem is probably very low right now and I would attempt to bolster it by looking long and hard at his strengths.

 

 

I agree with this. It helps to read other's POV.

 

I do praise effort more than outcome. I've tried to be this way since they were teeny tiny.

 

I want him to be the type of person that fights for himself, to want to give the effort for himself, to not give up because he is only hurting himself, KWIM?

[unsinkable]

 

 

Well, Is your son one who gives up easily? Does he generally try to do his best? And I guess, in the end, there isn't that much difference between not being able to succeed and believing you can't succeed. I would be inclined to trust his judgement if he has a history of being motivated to do a good job generally. He might first need to make his peace with having an LD. And my dd doesn't want to hear anything about LDs or NLD either. I also know that my dd gets overwhelmed easily when too much is coming at her and pretty much falls apart. She falls apart in small child way though. Good luck, I am rooting for you ds and am hoping you come back with a happy ending.

 

He works hard in the subjects he understands, like the ones I listed above. And he works hard at the tasks he understands, like reading the textbook in Biology and answering the end-of-chapter questions. He'll try his algebra homework and if he understands it, he'll do it. If he doesn't get it, he gets angry and quits.

[Alte Veste Academy]

He works hard in the subjects he understands, like the ones I listed above. And he works hard at the tasks he understands, like reading the textbook in Biology and answering the end-of-chapter questions. He'll try his algebra homework and if he understands it, he'll do it. If he doesn't get it, he gets angry and quits.

 

Maybe it's not about working harder in those subjects but finding completely different ways of looking at them. If he's solving the hardest problems but missing the easiest, that's very revealing. Maybe the key isn't understanding as it is presented in the texts he is assigned. In a recent thread, Regentrude suggested teaching from one book and using question/answer sets from another (because the poster owned the answer key for another). Maybe search for completely different texts for these subjects, ones that play to his strengths. See if he can transfer the knowledge to the tests at school. It can help a kid "save face" to be told it's a bad book or not a fit or whatever.

 

About multiple choice tests not being a good format for him, I will say that when I was in school, I could not even look at the multiple choice answers sometimes because they would distract me from getting the right answer. Sometimes it's easy to be lazy looking at them and trick yourself into quickly marking something that looks right. He sounds like a kid who is so smart that easy is hard and hard is easy.

[Whereneverever]

 

 

He works hard in the subjects he understands, like the ones I listed above. And he works hard at the tasks he understands, like reading the textbook in Biology and answering the end-of-chapter questions. He'll try his algebra homework and if he understands it, he'll do it. If he doesn't get it, he gets angry and quits.

 

Is he like this in other areas of his life? Does he need some help in developing coping skills for dealing with frustration? Is he able to break things into manageable chunks?

[elegantlion]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[unsinkable]

:grouphug:

Wish I had something uplifting to say. That sounds frustrating for him and you.

From my personal experience there are times where the parent needs to push and drag their child through things

That's a lot to have to handle - both you and him. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

thank you, ladies!

[catz]

If I had a kid who didn't care and who wasn't willing to work the system, I'd probably pull them from that school even if they absolutely loved it. I might lay it out to them like that.

 

My kids do not have dx-ed LDs, but they are visual/spatial and out of the box learners. Multiple choice tests do not show their knowledge and level well at all, where they might ceiling another type of test. We do have to do a normed, standardized test annually homeschooling. I had my oldest doing a little test prep this year in terms of just practicing multiple choice (maybe averaging 5-10 minutes per day). This made a HUGE difference in his test scores. It still isn't quite reflecting what I see day to day, but much closer than before. And he absolutely didn't make huge academic leaps in his school work this year either. (he is finishing algebra this year too). Anyway - if he is going to need to be able to perform on tests like this, this has been a skill that has needed to be practiced for my own kids.

 

And I'm sorry! :grouphug: I often think stuff like this is harder on mom than the kid. It makes me hope my own kids won't want to return to school.

[unsinkable]

I have one of those too. I'll be so glad when the Physics Regents is over. I'd advise a woodpile and an axe, it's faster in removing frustration than sending them out to run or bike or allowing him to vent on me.

 

ime Do not discuss failing. This discussion does not motivate good study habits and likely multiplies anxiety.

 

Do discuss study techniques. What's working? What's not? Who should he get new study techniques from?

Do discuss study plan. What is his plan? Is it effective? What tweaks does it need?

 

 

Do mention that grades are not a mirror on iq. It's up to him to put in the work to learn how to be a good student, and to learn from his experiences and take that learning on, to improve next year. Freshman year is a rough learning experience for everyone who has a learning style that doesn't work with the teacher's teaching style.

 

 

Stock up on coffee and snacks.

 

Get a tutor that he understands to prep him for both exams.

 

Continually express your confidence that he will succeed, if he wants to and puts the work in.

 

I do discuss failing in terms of passing. The scores he needs to pass the final exams are attainable for him, IMO, because they are graded on a curve. So I tell him, this is all you need to pass, this few points. And there are sections of the exams that I know will be easier to get the most points because they are a smaller body of knowledge. This is in Biology.

 

So I try to put the emphasis on how attainable passing is.

 

Now for algebra, I am more worried because he has to continue in math and he'll need the knowledge to the future.

 

We have caffeine, just not in coffee form! LOL

[unsinkable]

 

 

Is he like this in other areas of his life? Does he need some help in developing coping skills for dealing with frustration? Is he able to break things into manageable chunks?

 

 

Yes, he probably needs help with coping skills and no, he is not really good at breaking things into chunks. We do work on that.

[Word Nerd]

A family member was failing several classes because he didn't turn in all of his assignments and kept skipping school and claiming he was sick all the time (based on his Facebook posts, he was staying up all night playing video games and chatting online, so he was too tired to go to school). He said several times he was going to just drop out because school was so pointless. Even after everyone, including peers, told him that was a terrible idea that could have serious long-term consequences, he whined that people were all saying the same thing instead of giving him a balanced perspective. I told him rather bluntly that people were telling him the same thing over and over because it was true and they cared too much about him to just say what he wanted to hear. We also tried to encourage him and tell him he could do it and that it would be worth the hard work required. I'm really not sure what finally convinced him to stick it out. It was hard for him to make up for so many bad decisions and he barely graduated, but he did finally make it.

[Wildiris]

This is such a bad situation for your son. He probably doesn't see how he can succeed, so he's just given up. It is going to take a lot of effort to turn this kind of attitude around.

 

If it were me, I'd look for ways he can excel. Winning begets winning. He needs to feel good about himself. Kids in this kind of mind set can take a wrong turn really fast. Pay attention.

 

I'd also invest in a tutor/mentor that understands the LD and would work with your son daily, teaching your son how to come at the information/course work in a way he can understand. In a way, your son needs a set of tools for learning specific to his LD that will make him a successful student and successful adult.

[unsinkable]

 

 

Maybe it's not about working harder in those subjects but finding completely different ways of looking at them. If he's solving the hardest problems but missing the easiest, that's very revealing. Maybe the key isn't understanding as it is presented in the texts he is assigned. In a recent thread, Regentrude suggested teaching from one book and using question/answer sets from another (because the poster owned the answer key for another). Maybe search for completely different texts for these subjects, ones that play to his strengths. See if he can transfer the knowledge to the tests at school. It can help a kid "save face" to be told it's a bad book or not a fit or whatever.

 

About multiple choice tests not being a good format for him, I will say that when I was in school, I could not even look at the multiple choice answers sometimes because they would distract me from getting the right answer. Sometimes it's easy to be lazy looking at them and trick yourself into quickly marking something that looks right. He sounds like a kid who is so smart that easy is hard and hard is easy.

 

 

I'm not sure what kind of kid he is! :lol:

 

Multiple choice are from Satan for him. If you asked him the list say, 4 reasons for the fall of Rome, he could do it. If a MC test said, "which of these is not a reason Rome fell" he probably get it wrong.

 

I am on the look out for a good Geometry book for next year.

[unsinkable]

If I had a kid who didn't care and who wasn't willing to work the system, I'd probably pull them from that school even if they absolutely loved it. I might lay it out to them like that.

 

My kids do not have dx-ed LDs, but they are visual/spatial and out of the box learners. Multiple choice tests do not show their knowledge and level well at all, where they might ceiling another type of test. We do have to do a normed, standardized test annually homeschooling. I had my oldest doing a little test prep this year in terms of just practicing multiple choice (maybe averaging 5-10 minutes per day). This made a HUGE difference in his test scores. It still isn't quite reflecting what I see day to day, but much closer than before. And he absolutely didn't make huge academic leaps in his school work this year either. (he is finishing algebra this year too). Anyway - if he is going to need to be able to perform on tests like this, this has been a skill that has needed to be practiced for my own kids.

 

And I'm sorry! :grouphug: I often think stuff like this is harder on mom than the kid. It makes me hope my own kids won't want to return to school.

 

 

I appreciate your perspective.

 

Right now, pulling him isn't something we'd consider. He is working in most of his classes, like I wrote above. So that makes it tougher than if he'd just given up on all of it.

 

 

[unsinkable]

This is such a bad situation for your son. He probably doesn't see how he can succeed, so he's just given up. It is going to take a lot of effort to turn this kind of attitude around.

 

If it were me, I'd look for ways he can excel. Winning begets winning. He needs to feel good about himself. Kids in this kind of mind set can take a wrong turn really fast. Pay attention.

 

I'd also invest in a tutor/mentor that understands the LD and would work with your son daily, teaching your son how to come at the information/course work in a way he can understand. In a way, your son needs a set of tools for learning specific to his LD that will make him a successful student and successful adult.

 

 

I agree. And I am afraid of the wrong turn.

 

I'd love to get him a tutor/ mentor. I'll have to get looking.

 

 

[unsinkable]

A family member was failing several classes because he didn't turn in all of his assignments and kept skipping school and claiming he was sick all the time (based on his Facebook posts, he was staying up all night playing video games and chatting online, so he was too tired to go to school). He said several times he was going to just drop out because school was so pointless. Even after everyone, including peers, told him that was a terrible idea that could have serious long-term consequences, he whined that people were all saying the same thing instead of giving him a balanced perspective. I told him rather bluntly that people were telling him the same thing over and over because it was true and they cared too much about him to just say what he wanted to hear. We also tried to encourage him and tell him he could do it and that it would be worth the hard work required. I'm really not sure what finally convinced him to stick it out. It was hard for him to make up for so many bad decisions and he barely graduated, but he did finally make it.

 

 

I'm glad he made it!

[Jen in NY]

(Unsinkable)

 

He is sooooo close...... do you have a million and one algebra regent's exams at your disposal? Maybe doing 1/2 an exam every day at night and approaching it XIGGI style (first few times practicing with the correct answers and looking at why they are right in real time..... see here:http://talk.collegec...ggi-method.html ) would help and get him psyched to attack the exam head on. Have you guys talked about multiple choice strategies? At this point, he does not need to ace it.... he just needs to pass... and he can totally do it! So, I guess I would stress test taking strategies (like answering all the questions that he can slam dunk first... and crossing out obviously wrong answer choices when possible....etc.), and hit his weakest areas. If he wants to become an algebra star over the summer, he can go for that, too, after he passes the regents. : )

 

Have you guys found this yet? http://www.regentsprep.org/ and http://www.regentsreviewlive.net/

 

Also, for Bio... I <3 this guy.... he has regular Bio and AP Bio videos, if your ds likes videos it may help. http://www.youtube.c.../bozemanbiology

[Laurie4b]

My dd has NLD also. Have you read "NLD From the Inside Out", by Michael Brian Murphy? It might be a good one for your son to read. The author has NLD and the book is from his graduate thesis. I have read a lot about NLD since my dd was diagnosed and don't claim to be an expert or anything so please take this with a grain of salt. It does not sound like he is getting enough in the way of accommodations to me, just longer test taking times. It is my understanding that most kids with NLD would need more. But my dd is seven so we are a long way from Algebra. Is it possible that too much is being asked of your son and that is why he has given up? He really can't succeed?

 

 

 

I totally agree.

 

Many kids with NLD cannot do higher maths. If your ds can, that is a blessing, but my guess is that it is still a very challenging subject. If the test format isn't right for him , that is a matter for the IEP. That is where the problem lies. You signed off on that as a parent, and that is where you have control. As a parent, you may have to fight for the accommodations he needs. He's failing; therefore, he doesn't have what he needs. Ask for another IEP meeting. Don't just accept what the school offers. Get an attorney if you have to. Get him what he needs to succeed.

 

I know it seems like he is "choosing to fail" and you're scared and it's very frustrating for you because you're scared for his future, but he's very likely in a no-win situation and as a previous poster mentioned, that shame factor is huge. It is a reasonable choice for psychological survival to "quit" something you believe you cannot do. But I am guessing in your heart of hearts, you know it is not true that he is choosing not to fail. My guess is that he is actually pretty brave to coping with as much as he is.

[Laurie4b]

My dd has NLD also. Have you read "NLD From the Inside Out", by Michael Brian Murphy? It might be a good one for your son to read. The author has NLD and the book is from his graduate thesis. I have read a lot about NLD since my dd was diagnosed and don't claim to be an expert or anything so please take this with a grain of salt. It does not sound like he is getting enough in the way of accommodations to me, just longer test taking times. It is my understanding that most kids with NLD would need more. But my dd is seven so we are a long way from Algebra. Is it possible that too much is being asked of your son and that is why he has given up? He really can't succeed?

 

 

 

I totally agree.

 

Many kids with NLD cannot do higher maths. If your ds can, that is a blessing, but my guess is that it is still a very challenging subject. If the test format isn't right for him , that is a matter for the IEP. That is where the problem lies. You signed off on that as a parent, and that is where you have control. As a parent, you may have to fight for the accommodations he needs. He's failing; therefore, he doesn't have what he needs. Ask for another IEP meeting. Don't just accept what the school offers. Get an attorney if you have to. Get him what he needs to succeed.

 

I know it seems like he is "choosing to fail" and you're scared and it's very frustrating for you because you're scared for his future, but he's very likely in a no-win situation and as a previous poster mentioned, that shame factor is huge. It is a reasonable choice for psychological survival to "quit" something you believe you cannot do. But I am guessing in your heart of hearts, you know it is not true that he is choosing not to fail. My guess is that he is actually pretty brave to coping with as much as he is.

[Tammyla]

I agree he is so close to finishing. I hope he can some how pull this off; his inability to envision a path past failing sounds pretty typical. Imo, fwiw...He sounds like so many students who are trying very, very hard but just missing the passing grade by very little due to his LD. I have to agree with him a little on the teacher(s) failing him; it sounds like they should find other accommodations to encourage and help him succeed. Would another type of test option be available?

 

I encourage you as the parent to speak with the teachers, principle and guidance counselor to come up with a plan to help him succeed. E-mail, call, go in person are all paths I wouldn't hesitate to try at this point. Many, many times the squeaky wheel gets the grease or the fussy, wont go away parent gets some accommodations for her LD son.

 

:grouphug: I hope this works out.

[Mrs Mungo]

 

 

He works hard in the subjects he understands, like the ones I listed above. And he works hard at the tasks he understands, like reading the textbook in Biology and answering the end-of-chapter questions. He'll try his algebra homework and if he understands it, he'll do it. If he doesn't get it, he gets angry and quits.

 

 

I know that math is not my thing. I have to work at it. My eldest is the same way. So, we go through her Algebra lessons together. We use purplemath, Kahn academy, hands on equations and whatever other resources I can find to help. A tutor might be a good answer, if you don't have the time/inclination for intensive help or if he doesn't accept help well from you (I know how that is too).

[unsinkable]

(Unsinkable)

 

He is sooooo close...... do you have a million and one algebra regent's exams at your disposal? Maybe doing 1/2 an exam every day at night and approaching it XIGGI style (first few times practicing with the correct answers and looking at why they are right in real time..... see here:http://talk.collegec...ggi-method.html ) would help and get him psyched to attack the exam head on. Have you guys talked about multiple choice strategies? At this point, he does not need to ace it.... he just needs to pass... and he can totally do it! So, I guess I would stress test taking strategies (like answering all the questions that he can slam dunk first... and crossing out obviously wrong answer choices when possible....etc.), and hit his weakest areas. If he wants to become an algebra star over the summer, he can go for that, too, after he passes the regents. : )

 

Have you guys found this yet? http://www.regentsprep.org/ and http://www.regentsreviewlive.net/

 

Also, for Bio... I <3 this guy.... he has regular Bio and AP Bio videos, if your ds likes videos it may help. http://www.youtube.c.../bozemanbiology

 

 

Thank you.

 

I do have some of those resources plus the review books plus he's been going to school reviews.

 

I will look more closely at that xiggi method...because DS has gotten down on himself when he gets it right by guessing.

 

He is close and I tell I won't give up on him. And I hear that Jason Mraz song's chorus in my head...I won't give up on us...even if the skies get rough...I'm giving you all my love...I'm still looking up.

 

I tell my DH it's like he wants to push me away, to let him fail. It is so hard.

[unsinkable]

 

 

 

I totally agree.

 

Many kids with NLD cannot do higher maths. If your ds can, that is a blessing, but my guess is that it is still a very challenging subject. If the test format isn't right for him , that is a matter for the IEP. That is where the problem lies. You signed off on that as a parent, and that is where you have control. As a parent, you may have to fight for the accommodations he needs. He's failing; therefore, he doesn't have what he needs. Ask for another IEP meeting. Don't just accept what the school offers. Get an attorney if you have to. Get him what he needs to succeed.

 

I know it seems like he is "choosing to fail" and you're scared and it's very frustrating for you because you're scared for his future, but he's very likely in a no-win situation and as a previous poster mentioned, that shame factor is huge. It is a reasonable choice for psychological survival to "quit" something you believe you cannot do. But I am guessing in your heart of hearts, you know it is not true that he is choosing not to fail. My guess is that he is actually pretty brave to coping with as much as he is.

 

 

I'll ask about different forms of tests.

 

I didn't know what phrase to use so I used choose to fail even though I don't think it's accurate. I realize he is saying he doesn't care and it doesn't matter and that isn't what he feels or if it is what he feels, it is to protect himself.

[unsinkable]

I agree he is so close to finishing. I hope he can some how pull this off; his inability to envision a path past failing sounds pretty typical. Imo, fwiw...He sounds like so many students who are trying very, very hard but just missing the passing grade by very little due to his LD. I have to agree with him a little on the teacher(s) failing him; it sounds like they should find other accommodations to encourage and help him succeed. Would another type of test option be available?

 

I encourage you as the parent to speak with the teachers, principle and guidance counselor to come up with a plan to help him succeed. E-mail, call, go in person are all paths I wouldn't hesitate to try at this point. Many, many times the squeaky wheel gets the grease or the fussy, wont go away parent gets some accommodations for her LD son.

 

:grouphug: I hope this works out.

 

 

The statement about trying very hard and just missing the passing grade is true for his tests in many cases. It is his daily work that he does well and pulls his grades up. And I can imagine how frustrating it is. But if his response is not try to study at all, the his test scores are so low that his daily work can't pull his grades up.

 

I've tried to show him that test scores of 78, 68, 72 can be overcome by 90s on papers and homework but 48, 38 and 42 can't.

 

It is almost an all or nothing proposition with him.

 

Edit...hit enter too soon...I am in contact with teachers and guidance. I haven't talked to principal.

[unsinkable]

 

 

I know that math is not my thing. I have to work at it. My eldest is the same way. So, we go through her Algebra lessons together. We use purplemath, Kahn academy, hands on equations and whatever other resources I can find to help. A tutor might be a good answer, if you don't have the time/inclination for intensive help or if he doesn't accept help well from you (I know how that is too).

 

 

I did help him in algebra in the first 3 quarters of the year and he was willing to let me help.

 

Then in March when all 3 kids got sick and DD's seizures got out of control I wasn't on top of it as I had been. So it was hit or miss. I helped if I could, if he asked me. She started to stabilize in May and he seems much more resistant to letting me help.

 

I don't know why. He keeps saying I shouldn't have to help, that his teacher should be a better teacher.

[Mrs Mungo]

I don't know why. He keeps saying I shouldn't have to help, that his teacher should be a better teacher.

 

 

Was he previously homeschooled? My kids definitely have a misconception about how much teachers in school do to help you learn. It isn't much at the high school age in my experience.

[unsinkable]

 

 

Was he previously homeschooled? My kids definitely have a misconception about how much teachers in school do to help you learn. It isn't much at the high school age in my experience.

 

 

Yes, this is his first formal school experience.