To those of you who allow screen time

[Scarlett]

How much total, daily or weekly, is reasonable for summer break?

 

My ds is 13 and he loves Minecraft, YouTube, PS3, his IPOD and regular TV. If I would let him he would have earphones on doing one of those things ALONE 12 hours a day.(FTR, that has never actually happened but I FEEL like he would if I let him) It is becoming quite an issue....I end up getting so irrirated that I cut him off completely....I want to be reasonable....so give me some direction.

 

Also, I feel there is a distinction between all of the above when done alone vs. watching tv or movie with the entire family. So usually I say no screen time except tv with family...or if he will play a game WITH his step brother I feel a little better.

 

Is it possible too much screen time contributes to his horrible attitude? He is a beast lately...I figure a lot of it is hormonal....but wow. Where did my sweet boy go to?

[*lifeoftheparty*]

We have to restrict DS's screen time b/c it absolutely affects his attitude. We packed up the Wii and haven't even (and won't) bought him a hand held. He's only allowed on the computer when he is finished school and chores, and only for about 30-60 minutes at a time.

 

He's not allowed on my iPod any more, and we had to put a password on it to keep him from sneaking it :-/

 

I try really hard to keep his butt busy, so I'm not telling him no all day, every day.

[Scarlett]

We have to restrict DS's screen time b/c it absolutely affects his attitude. We packed up the Wii and haven't even (and won't) bought him a hand held. He's only allowed on the computer when he is finished school and chores, and only for about 30-60 minutes at a time.

 

He's not allowed on my iPod any more, and we had to put a password on it to keep him from sneaking it :-/

 

I try really hard to keep his butt busy, so I'm not telling him no all day, every day.

 

 

 

How old is he?

 

And how do you keep him busy? With what? Mine will read when I force him....and then gets into it...and we have a pool...and he has a dog...

 

He is due to be finished with his school work by the end of this week. I don't want a crappy mood all summer.

[Sarah CB]

My thirteen year old sounds similar. Right now we allow three hours of recreational screen use on weekends only - 1hr on Friday, 1 on Saturday, 1 on Sunday. I have the kids' names on a sheet of paper on my fridge with eighteen 10's running underneath and every time I encounter attitude I put a line through one of the 10's and that's 10 minutes of weekend screen time gone. It's surprisingly effective and feels a lot better than yelling or nagging.

 

We do make group exceptions - sometimes dh will play a video game with the kids and we usually watch a movie together once a week - those don't count. I do count brother-time as the three boys would happily play Minecraft together (on a server with their friends who are playing from their own homes) for 24 hours a day.

 

Another exception I've been making lately is Skype time. I'm not sure how to limit it. The kids have a network of tech-savy friends and they like to get on Skype together in the evening to chat. Last night ds was on his computer with two of his friends for an hour before I kicked him off. I like that he's staying in close contact with friends, but I still don't like the screen time aspect or the fact that he's sitting in the dining room by himself.

 

Dd was a lot easier in this respect. She didn't play any computer games or video games and she rarely connected online with friends.

 

The boys and their friends seem much more aware of technology. They're also on Instagram together with their friends.

[Sarah CB]

 

 

How old is he?

 

And how do you keep him busy? With what? Mine will read when I force him....and then gets into it...and we have a pool...and he has a dog...

 

He is due to be finished with his school work by the end of this week. I don't want a crappy mood all summer.

 

 

The last two summers have been Screen Free Summers for us. The only exception was if they were doing something with dh or with me. Oh, and we had a weather exception. If it was raining AND it was a weekend then they could play on their screens. I loved Screen Free Summer. The first week is hard but after that it's amazing what they'll find to do.

 

This year I feel like I have a better handle on limits and they seem a lot better at finding non-screen things to do and not immediately turning to the screen during free time so I don't think we're going to do a SFS this summer.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I don't object to screen time, and we allow quite a bit of it. But when it affected attitude and behavior I packed it all away for a few months. The attitude and behavior came around and I slowly allowed it back.

 

By teen years, some kids know how to self regulate screen time and don't have the attitude/behavior issues. Other kids need stricter limits.

 

I don't limit the time arbitrariliy, it is in direct consequence to any negative issues.

[LostSurprise]

I have noticed that starting a day with screen time increases attitude. Situations that not aren't negotiated out and on a schedule can also cause the teenage sense of independence and 'everyone's against me' to kick in because they feel you're being biased.

 

We sat down and negotiated a contract. I had to use completely logical criteria to curtail my oldest. He needed to be realistic about what he wanted.

 

Screen time only comes after school work is done.

 

Screen time only comes after chores and other responsibilities (sports, meetings, clubs) are done.

 

We have a flexible system with a certain number of hours per week, so if something comes up (party, meeting) then we don't have to listen to whining that they have to give up their screen time. At the moment 3/4 of my kids go to public school so the middle 2 have 3.5 hours a week and the oldest (14) went up to 5 hours a week. They are each assigned a specific hour each day. They can use (or not) the screen time during that hour. They can save it all up and do it all Friday night or Saturday afternoon. Wednesdays and Sundays are screen free.

 

We don't have a television and movies work on a different basis. Friday nights are family movie nights, and on other nights if all the boys have their schoolwork, chores, sports, etc. done and agree to watch a show/movie together then they can. Its completely social. They also have to agree! Usually that's pretty easy. We have had situations where certain boys exchanged video gaming screen time for solo movie watching time. I don't have a problem with that (as long as its age appropriate). They have to really want to see something (and no one else is interested in it).

 

Summers can be different because they have less work and more time. Still, no morning game time. Hours may be increased. Equal numbers of active time outdoors is required to access screen time.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

I am one who has come to a point where I don't feel the need to regulate gaming screen time. I feel as long as my kids get reading and physical activity and personal development time in then they can play video games for hours. Video gaming is not spent mindlessly. There is a lot going on mentally. Some days the TV never gets turned on because they have a new book or are working on a project. Some days they spend hours on the TV because they just got a new game. I feel if it is balanced out then let them enjoy it.

 

Watching tv for shows or movies is another thing entirely...even the educational shows....they get one movie or 3 half hour show limit a day.

[Blessed Mommy]

I have four children, ages 14 months-9 years. We allow one hour of TV per day and 30 minutes of another electronic (computer, Nintendo DS, etc). However, these are considered privileges in our home, therefore, you have to earn your screen time. Their rooms must be picked up and clutter free, they must have completed their daily chores and school work, and they must have done this all with a good attitude. I will not hesitate to take away or limit their screen time if their behavior and/or attitudes are poor. On weekends, we will have a family movie night and eat popcorn in the living room! Sometimes, my three older ones will "camp out" in the family room and stay up a little later than usual and watch a movie together, too! And of course, everything they watch, games they play, or websites they visit, must be preapproved by my husband and me!

[Jenny in Florida]

Is it possible too much screen time contributes to his horrible attitude? He is a beast lately...I figure a lot of it is hormonal....but wow. Where did my sweet boy go to?

 

We found out early that too much screen time -- of any kind -- definitely has a negative effect on my son's behavior and attitude. The more he watches/games, the more aggressive and unpleasant he gets. And, while violent or "action" content seems to increase the problem, it honestly seems like even "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood" would cause trouble in large enough doses.

 

As for how much is reasonable, we don't have any hard and fast rules. In general, we've found the best way to get around the problem is to keep our son busy with other, non-screen activities. So, during the summer, he takes classes, does shows, volunteers as a junior counselor at local day camps, swims at the city pool, etc. We've also experimented with setting guidelines like not allowing any screen use until after 2:00 p.m. or until after some other activity is completed. That seems to work pretty well, too.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

 

 

 

How old is he?

 

And how do you keep him busy? With what? Mine will read when I force him....and then gets into it...and we have a pool...and he has a dog...

 

He is due to be finished with his school work by the end of this week. I don't want a crappy mood all summer.

 

He is only 9. But his attitude could compete with a teenager ;)

 

I send him outside. Make him clean his room, unload the dishwasher, help clean the house. I'm trying to teach him that there are plenty of things to do. You find a way to occupy yourself, b/c if you say you're bored, then I will find work for you to do.

 

And you know what? It's good for him. I think DS and many boys like him would just thrive on a farm where there is lots of pertinent manual labor needed. It helps them feel needed, strong and manly, useful, etc.

 

Can you encourage, or force (lol), him to find a volunteer project this summer? We joined a CSA and they allow you to volunteer on the farm, and bring well-behaved kids to help too. I'm SURE he will complain at first, but after we start, I think he'll enjoy it, especially if other men/boys are there.

 

When DH is home, he'll make sure that DS has plenty of opportunity to "help" him with stuff.

 

This may sound sexist, I dunno, but it makes sense to me.... I heard someone once talk about how boys are set up to want to "be a man"; to use their muscles (that includes their brain!) to accompish stuff, to be useful and helpful.... And when they aren't doing that, it can make them angry and frustrated, among other things. Anyways, I have found that to be true with DS and DH, and the few teenage boys I know.

 

So, "go clean up the yard" may not be appealing and cause "whining", but "help dad with yard work" is met with approval, kwim?

[msjones]

I want to propose a screen-free summer.

 

It will go over well with exactly no one in my home (including husband).

 

I am so so so sick of the technology issues in this house. We have arguments about little else.

[Karen in CO]

We have screen-free school years with no screen time Sunday night to Friday after school except for a documentary at bedtime, because I haven't been able to break that habit. For summer, we don't use a screen during meals and the kids must read, do chores and do at least an hour of something physical everyday. Screens go off at dinner and stay off until after breakfast (except documentary at bed). If the kids get a bad attitude, they loose the screen for 24 hours. I like simple rules, and I like to allow the kids a chance to learn to self-regulate. This works for us.

[*********]

Scarlett, my boys are younger than yours, but I'll share what we do. They get three 25 minute video game turns per day; one morning, one after school work is done, and one in the evening. If we're home during those times, they play them. If not, oh well, it's not the end of the world. They can choose to play on the computer or my smartphone for their time. They have recently discovered minecraft and both love it. They also share a nintendo ds, but no longer find it interesting. We're soon going to get rid of it and get them a tablet to share, and then they can choose to use that for their time too if they want. We don't have a console for the tv, and they don't have ipods or smart phones. Occasionally we will watch a documentary or something together, or they'll watch Diego in Spanish (which has surprised me with how much Spanish they're picking up from it), but we don't count that as their screen time since it's so infrequent and done as a family.

 

We've changed our video game time guidelines before, and we try to reevaluate it frequently to make sure its working for our family. I have no trouble with it *in moderation*, and dh and I are very vigilant about what the watch or play.

[Danestress]

I don't really limit those things with my 15 year old boys because they honestly don't have time to abuse them. They are heavily involved in sports and music and have friends they hang out with, swim with, etc. In the summer there may be days they have too much screen time, but there are many more days of little or none. They do listen to a lot of music and tune us out, which I don't really love. But they rarely play their Xbox and there isn't that much on tv for guys their age. They dont play Mine craft or that World of Warcraft thing some of their friends like.

 

So I guess my response woukd be that rather than limiting screen time, perhaps your son needs some other things to do that he is really engaged with. I am all for limits as well, but I would start with exploring why he isn't involved in other things he likes better in the 'real' world.

[Katy]

I try to limit things during the day to educational screen time only, except for once or twice a year when I need a mental health day and we'll all spend a cold or rainy day in pajamas on the couch, eating popcorn and having a movie marathon.

 

I was a latchkey kid and my parents did not want me to play outside when they weren't home when I was little, so I watched a ton of TV as a kid and I see playing outside as a prize. We also spend more money on outside toys than on video games, etc. We also live near a huge park with a creek and a spashpad and a huge playground, so it is fun to be outside here.

 

A few times I have noticed attitude issues we have banned it completely. We ended up moving one TV into our bedroom (Daddy wanted screentime), but otherwise no kiddos had access.

 

I do block nickelodeon and mtv though; I cannot stand the bratty mouthy cynicism those channels seem to encourage.

[J-rap]

I'm so glad that technology wasn't so advanced when my kids were young. It was much easier even 15 years ago!

 

However, we did put a few rules into place, which I really believe helped them regulate themselves when they became independent young adults and there was so much more to do technology-wise.

 

Computer time: no recreational computer time until school work was done. Then, 20 minutes every 4 hours.

 

TV time. We don't have cable, and actually only have one channel, public TV. I'm so glad for this! It probably cut down on a lot pleading for more TV time. In any case, we usually let our children watch about an hour/day on TV, even on school days, but it was only shows on public TV. Once they got to be teens and no longer interested in Bill Nye the Science Guy and Zoom, they stopped watching TV altogether.

 

Only our youngest two had cell phones in high school. (Honestly, when my son and oldest daughter were home, only a handful of kids their age had them.) They are not smart phones. They do have unlimited texts, but they know not to text when we're spending family time together, meal time, etc.

 

I know things have changed quite a bit. We got our youngest daughter an iPad mini for her birthday/upcoming graduation. She is the first of our children to have their own computer-type tool while still in high school. She is so busy that she's not on it much, so there has been no need to put time limits in place. If she was on it all the time, I'd definitely set limits, because I do believe the habits they get into at home carry over.

[jhschool]

With mine, we watch as many movies as we have time for. Always together. Mostly

of movies based on literature, but not always. About 1 movie a week.

Computer games: We don't do that (don't disapprove of it necessarily, we just don't).

Computer: DS uses it to find math stuff (Wikipedia, Wolfram Alpha, etc.) and for his classes only.

Nook: it never gets used. We listen to audiobooks sometimes.

We don't have reception for our TV but we use Netflix for movies.

[Mommy22alyns]

I haven't decided yet. Rebecca's going to basically be too busy for much screen time, so Sylvia's my problem. I just made some activity cards for the girls for summer. I'm not sure how much to let her play online though. Our summer is so darn hot that even playing outside is uncomfortable.

[Scarlett]

Thanks everyone. You have some very helpful ideas. I am going to implement the suggestion of taking 10 minutes of screen time for every infraction. I can already foresee him debating every penalty......ugh. So I am going to spend the rest of this week pointing out each and every incident of attitude that will be resulting in loss of screen time.

 

Dh and I agree on 1 hour a day and nothing before 3 and after 10. And we like the suggestion of making sure their s some physical work or play in each day.

[Scarlett]

I haven't decided yet. Rebecca's going to basically be too busy for much screen time, so Sylvia's my problem. I just made some activity cards for the girls for summer. I'm not sure how much to let her play online though. Our summer is so darn hot that even playing outside is uncomfortable.

 

It is super hot here too. But we have a pool and I want the kids to use it a lot.

[Embassy]

During summer break they will have one hour of computer/game time per day. I don't restrict TV because we don't get any stations and they don't watch very much otherwise. If they want more than the hour then it is 1 mile on the treadmill for 45 minutes of time.

[amyco]

I am in this boat too with my 13 y.o.! He would spend every waking minute on the computer...we give him 45 min per day for video games (either minecraft or Wii), but he usually keeps going after the timer goes off and it ends up becoming an hour and I have to get mean and feel strict. One of these times I am going to go up and turn off the computer. Heh.

 

He's taking the Coursera Python programming course which is super challenging for him (dh is taking it too and helping him a lot) so he spends even more time on the computer...but this seems "useful" even though it's annoying. I mean, it could be a whole career path!

 

Lately, though, he's taken to just getting on whenever he feels like to research Minecrafty things...so annoying...not sure where to go with this. I agree about the attitude. I think everyone in my family needs stricter limits on technology. Thankfully the weather is warming up and the neighborhood pool is opening up!!

[Hoot]

Video games I allow only on the weekend when DH and I go out shopping or to garage sales. I liken it to the Saturday Morning Cartoons of my day. Random channel surfing type TV I don't really allow ever. If the TV is going to come on you better have something SPECIFIC that you want to watch. Even then, I only allow about an hour a day unless we're watching something together. The computer has been staying in the office lately instead of his bedroom so he has been much less apt to just hop on and play Minecraft whenever he has a free minute. The iPod he really only uses to make movies, so I let him do that as much as he wants. The phone he really only bothers with in the evening. Honestly, more than two hours of total screen time a day is pretty rare here and I think that is very reasonable. He's very active and likes to play outside anyway so it isn't usually a big struggle. Then again, if I LET him do whatever he wanted, he would definitely be on the PS3 or Minecraft all day long.

[Scarlett]

I am in this boat too with my 13 y.o.! He would spend every waking minute on the computer...we give him 45 min per day for video games (either minecraft or Wii), but he usually keeps going after the timer goes off and it ends up becoming an hour and I have to get mean and feel strict. One of these times I am going to go up and turn off the computer. Heh.

 

He's taking the Coursera Python programming course which is super challenging for him (dh is taking it too and helping him a lot) so he spends even more time on the computer...but this seems "useful" even though it's annoying. I mean, it could be a whole career path!

 

Lately, though, he's taken to just getting on whenever he feels like to research Minecrafty things...so annoying...not sure where to go with this. I agree about the attitude. I think everyone in my family needs stricter limits on technology. Thankfully the weather is warming up and the neighborhood pool is opening up!!

 

 

This is my son. Just hops on the computer when something comes into his mind....usually Minecraft related.

 

I just talked to him and outlined the plan for an hour a day and consequences for attitude. Wow he had quite the reaction. Very angry. I told him it would not be tolerated....and I could very easily be convinced to take away ALL screen time.

[Farrar]

I don't restrict when we're on break. But my kids self-limit after awhile. They're 8 yo. They always have been pretty decent about screens. And we don't take school breaks longer than about two weeks usually. If we had a longer summer break, then we'd have to restrict, I think. But then we'd just have our typical restriction - which is no screens until after 5pm.

[Joanne]

My rules are not time based, but behaviorally based.

 

First, my progression on this issue starts at opposed to screens, aggressive play, weapon play, and even against "contemporary media". I now have 2 male teenagers, 2 X Boxes (live) and I allow first person shooter games. ;)

 

But back to my approach. I am on the lookout for signs of screen hyperfocus/addiction. One of the rules in my home around screen use is tha you turn it off when I tell you to, and without an attitude. (I had the same rule about recreational visits to the park, Chuch E. Cheese, etc). If you can't disengage without a fit, you lose the next time "it" would have happened.

 

Habitual, chronic, or repeated issues result in a stretch without game (I have not had to do this since I ran the daycare. My kids do not have this propensity, but I did have a few come through the daycare. I am for total abstinence for those kids).

 

In spite of nearly unlimited access, my kids have always done their chores, engaged with others in non gaming ways, been outside, played sports, etc. A new game creates a temporary hyperfocus, but they have always moved back to balance.

 

 

And, yes, attitude and screen time (mine AND the kids) are very connected.

[LucyStoner]

I have one son who is a good self regulator and the other is not. I allow 30 per day of computer or device or video game time that is recreational. On weekends they are supposed to get an hour a day but often we are so busy they don't mind missing it. My older son uses a tablet or laptop to write his school assignments but it is a schoolwork only machine and he respects that- this is adaptive tech for him as he struggles not with writing stories and narratives but with handwriting/motor aspects of writing. Because he's the one who self regulates better on screens, I give him some flexibility when his brother is not around.

 

I tend allow TV watching (in the form of Netflix, rentals etc as we have no TV reception) as separate, but they are both pretty good about not overdoing that. I ease up if someone is very ill.

 

We used to do Internet free weekends and that worked well but the kids like having the option on the table, even if they don't get around to using it.

 

That said, my oldest will be 10. I would hope that we are setting them up to be able to not overdo it on their own as teens and young adults.

[Erica in OR]

Last summer we had a limit for all screen time for all kids, plus me, of an hour and a half a day. It did not carry over from day to day.

 

I recently finished reading "The Winter of Our Disconnect: How Three Totally Wired Teenagers (and a Mother Who Slept with Her iPhone)Pulled the Plug on Their Technology and Lived to Tell the Tale." Although anecdotal rather than research based, you might find some of their discoveries interesting.

 

Erica in OR

[Mommy22alyns]

It is super hot here too. But we have a pool and I want the kids to use it a lot.

 

 

We are SO not that lucky!

[KungFuPanda]

I don't limit screen time anymore, and definitely not during the summer. When the kids were little, their alone screen time was sometime between 4-6 p.m. Some days they chose to watch TV or play on the computer or play video games. Some days they didn't bother. It never really became The Grail.

 

Now that my youngest is almost 13 and my oldest is 16, I don't bother to set limits. Their free time is theirs and they self-regulate well enough that I'm not compelled to intervene. My son watches/plays more than my daughter, but he's disabled and finds a freedom of movement and even playing field in games that he doesn't have in real life. My daughter has never been a huge fan of TV, but she will do a bit of a marathon when she finds something she likes. She still spends more time reading, so I won't complain. I'm a bit feast or famine when it comes to my own screen time, so a daily limit doesn't really work for me either :-)

 

If they seemed obsessive, I'd step in and set hard limits, but since they're older now it isn't really necessary anymore.