Basic rules for going out in public:

[Aubrey]

1. If you see a pg lady, & she's so HUGE, you think you're going to drop your false teeth, & you don't even have any false teeth, but the real ones might fall out, feel free to gape. She's used to it.

 

If you then follow up by telling your friend in a LOUD voice, WOW, & YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE BIG, don't be surprised if she doesn't stop & smile.

 

If you then turn & ask her--LOUDLY--as she's passing, WHAT ARE YOU HAVING??? consider that she might not know the gender. When she smiles, throws her hands in the air, & says, "Baby!" consider yourself to be on to your 2nd life if you're a cat, because you. have. been. spared. At least once.

 

But if you call after her--LOUDLY--when she's already passed, IS IT TWINS??? don't be surprised if she feigns deafness, so as to spare you once again.

 

Now when you take that feigned deafness *personally* and begin a public tirade of what a stuck-up b#tch she is, LOUDLY enough for her to hear you on the other side of the store for *literate* people, consider your plight to now be forwarded to the Almighty.

 

2. When you are sitting in a restaurant w/ insufficient material to cover your intent, 3 beers, & 2 guys, discussing the latest shows on TV--LOUDLY--if you suddenly stop, punch the guy next to you HARD in the arm, so that he cries for help, & then POINT, not just w/ your finger but your whole arm, at the pg lady across the aisle who just stood up, she will notice. She's pg, not deaf, not blind, not stupid.

 

3. Pg women have a face. It's NORTH.

 

4. Just want to reiterate, pg women are not DEAF. Good job keeping your fingers down, though.

 

That is all. Except that if your br@ is going to show like *that,* you might want to consider color-coordinating. Among other things. But, good job wearing one. Maybe somebody will learn something. Maybe.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

But aren't you supposed to be "in confinement" while in a "delicate way"?:lol:

 

And DH used to get all secretive and answer "a puppy" when asked what it was! :lol:

[Aubrey]

But aren't you supposed to be "in confinement" while in a "delicate way"?:lol:

 

And DH used to get all secretive and answer "a puppy" when asked what it was! :lol:

 

Yes. And I would like to be. But. there. is. insufficient. air. here. :w00t::w00t::w00t::w00t:

 

Please. Don't take that personally. I'm laughing. And crying. LOL It's just that...the stares, etc. were so bad a WEEK ago that I told dh I wasn't going out in public anymore.

 

Now, though? I point my belly at them in a threatening way. I dare you. SAY something. And it's actually worked on a few skinny old ladies. :glare:

[Jen500]

I was SO huge in the belly at 7 months (twins) that I just went along with everyone who thought I was due any minute. I had to draw the line at touching my huge belly though!

Good to see you have a sense of humor.:)

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Yes. And I would like to be. But. there. is. insufficient. air. here. :w00t::w00t::w00t::w00t:

 

Please. Don't take that personally. I'm laughing. And crying. LOL It's just that...the stares, etc. were so bad a WEEK ago that I told dh I wasn't going out in public anymore.

 

Now, though? I point my belly at them in a threatening way. I dare you. SAY something. And it's actually worked on a few skinny old ladies. :glare:

 

Well, Pam and I looked at this older book today. It had something in there about "confinement" that was hilarious. So, it was fresh on my mind. Much fresher than the air, obviously. Come here. I will crank mine down so cold you'll be a popsicle, okay!

[OnTheBrink]

OH. BOY. Sounds like you had quite a day.

 

Wanna come over? I have plenty of AC (that's air conditioning) and polite people with appropriate undergarments. :)

[8filltheheart]

Aubrey,

 

Your posts are always so hilarious. They remind me of Erma Bombeck (ok....you probably have NO idea who that is!) I used to love reading one of her books that my mom had "If life is a bowl of cherries, what I am I doing in the pits?"

[Danestress]

If you ask a woman when she's due, and she says "I'm not due. I'm just fat." Resist the temptation to say, "no really, when are you due."

 

Take it from me.

 

But Aubrey, only one more week, baby. A week from tomorrow!

[Aubrey]

Aubrey,

 

Your posts are always so hilarious. They remind me of Erma Bombeck (ok....you probably have NO idea who that is!) I used to love reading one of her books that my mom had "If life is a bowl of cherries, what I am I doing in the pits?"

 

You underestimate me. I was reading EB in jr high.

[newbie]

OH. BOY. Sounds like you had quite a day.

 

Wanna come over? I have plenty of AC (that's air conditioning) and polite people with appropriate undergarments. :)

 

Michelle,

 

Love the Ac ref, too funny.

 

And Aubrey, I agree your next book, needs to be The Perils of Pregnancy.

 

Jet

[JennifersLost]

Oh you poor thing! Women should get medals at the end of their pregnancies. The stuff we put up with....

[Sugarfoot]

We've got a powerful AC system at our house if you'd like to come over! It's 100 outside, though. I feel for you! My first was over-due and had stretched my poor middle to the max...Everytime I went out, people would say, "Oh, my, When are you due?" I would growl..."LAST WEEK!" Then they just looked scared.:D

[HomeOnTheRanch]

:grouphug:

 

I thought I was going to punch the lady who asked me today if I was sure I was going to make it until October. When I answered in the affirmative, she declared that I surely must be having twins.

 

All of that might have been overlooked, but I haven't forgotten that she said the exact same thing to me a week ago. :tongue_smilie:

[Aubrey]

Everytime I went out, people would say, "Oh, my, When are you due?" I would growl..."LAST WEEK!" Then they just looked scared.:D

 

Can I just scream, "I think my water just broke!!!!" & let them help me to the car? Wouldn't that be good all around? I mean, it might help them keep their mouths closed, they'd feel like heroes, &...well, it might be like having an escape car for me.

 

Except I didn't really want to escape.

 

Oh, I forgot to tell y'all what made it worse: I told dh I'd check out while he took the dc to the car. I got out there in the HEAT, & he was nowhere to be seen. So I walk slowly to the car. Lean on the car. Pretend to read one of the books I just bought for DS7, & guess who comes out the door.

 

Madame Loudmouth & pg friend. Luckily, they went the other way. But I felt just like I did in 3rd g, hiding from a teacher. (That's another story.)

 

Dh finally comes out. Dd had to go to the bathroom. She opens the car door & gets in. It. was. not. even. locked. <deep breath>

[gardenschooler]

Aubrey, I admire your self-control. :lol:

 

It's the heat. It makes people crazy (er). I'd like to think people aren't that obnoxious all the time, but we know that's wishful thinking!

[Karen in CO]

I'll crank the thermostat waaaay down for you. Put your feet up, but not too high, or you won't be able to breathe.

 

Go to the local public pool in a bikini. You will cool off, float and take the weight off, and shock a lot of people. Have your dh take a picture so that you will never feel bad about your post-baby body.

 

Seriously, do take pictures of that belly. It will amaze you and your kids later.

[lighthouseacademy]

first :grouphug: to you. Some people just don't get it...

I used to answer with a shrug, I don't know, a monkey I think!

 

I think it took the cake when I was pg with #1 and my mil called my dh AT WORK when I was due in about 3 weeks and told my dh that she was concerned I didn't know how to breath :lol:. Dh told her that since I was 23 yrs old he was pretty sure I had figured that one out a long time ago!

 

Or how about the lady from church who had never spoken to you once, but yet felt the need to call you when you were several days overdue to first ask if you had had the baby yet and then to tell you, "You know, they won't LET you go a week overdue." :001_huh: didn't think she was my midwife... as it was I was "allowed" to go 16 days overdue until my little munchkin decided he was ready to be born. And there was her daughter, age 13?, who told me a week or so before I was due I better stock up on my sleep now because once the baby came I wouldn't get any :001_huh::001_huh: (double huh) since when could you stock up on sleep and how did this girl know!?

 

Ah yes, the stupid things people say to the pregnant lady.

Hang in there, it WILL be over soon.

[Aubrey]

Hang in there, it WILL be over soon.

 

Nope. I announced to dh yesterday that I'm going to be pg forever. I enjoy this. IF the baby DOES come (if in fact I'm actually pg, which I've begun to doubt), I'm going to look into surrogacy.

 

Sometimes I just like to see that cute choking look on his face.

[HomeOnTheRanch]

Sometimes I just like to see that cute choking look on his face.

 

You are a mean, mean woman. I like you.

 

:D

[newlifemom]

Wanna come over? I have plenty of AC (that's air conditioning) :)

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

Thank you for the laugh after a long day and the only thread I really looked at this morning was that one.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I had a man ask me when I was due. I told him "I'm ready to pop any minute." He high-tailed it away from me. (I had actually had the baby a month earlier.)

[5kidsforME]

My sister had a lady from church, at a church function come up and take her cookies away, and said "I've been watching you and that is enough cookies, you need to think of the baby!" :001_huh: Can you imagine??

[Quiver0f10]

My sister had a lady from church, at a church function come up and take her cookies away, and said "I've been watching you and that is enough cookies, you need to think of the baby!" :001_huh: Can you imagine??

 

I could not imagine!!! I think I would have smacked her with my belly :lol:

[Tammyla]

You are a saint.:grouphug:

[jmgconner]

Aubrey, you crack me up. My youngest is 4 months now, but you would not believe the comments I heard from church. I think the worst, though, was when they'd catch my eye during church and just start laughing, obviously directing their eyes to my belly. I'm a small person (5 ft) and I have big babies (9+ lbs). I'm all baby when I'm pregnant.

[5kidsforME]

I could not imagine!!! I think I would have smacked her with my belly :lol:

 

Yeah well I wanted to smack her and I had no belly at the time! I can tellya that a few of the nice church ladies wanted to smack her too. :tongue_smilie:

[Brindee]

Many years ago, we were at church with a friend of mine. She was 9 months pregnant and it was a warm summer day. The pastor was talking and greeting, then asked her when she was due. She simply answered, "Today" (which was true), and he got all flustered. He wanted to make sure their bags were packed,a nd they had them with them at church, and he kept messing up in his sermon! That's the funniest thing I've seen---for him to get so flustered about it! After awhile we were all laughing at his reaction! Not much of a sermon got out that day, but it was fun! :D

[muffinmom]

Aubrey, you. are. hilarious.

 

We are all identifying with you. Except for the no AC part. I keep my house refrigerator-like. There's a nice club chair here with your name on it.;)

[lynn]

:lol: When comments are made about where you are due....reply "Due?:001_huh: what are you talking about".....let them squirm.

[Storm Bay]

1. If you see a pg lady, & she's so HUGE, you think you're going to drop your false teeth, & you don't even have any false teeth, but the real ones might fall out, feel free to gape. She's used to it.

That is all. Except that if your br@ is going to show like *that,* you might want to consider color-coordinating. Among other things. But, good job wearing one. Maybe somebody will learn something. Maybe.

 

Hey, but didn't anyone come and touch your belly? Because, after all, isn't that public property? :glare:;)

[Mama Lynx]

My sister had a lady from church, at a church function come up and take her cookies away, and said "I've been watching you and that is enough cookies, you need to think of the baby!" :001_huh: Can you imagine??

 

When I was pregnant with my 3rd, I went into a Starbuck's to order coffee. Yes. Coffee. Yes, I drank moderate amounts of coffee while pregnant.

 

Anyway, I ordered my coffee. The barista then looked at my stomach and said, "You mean decaf."

 

:glare:

 

I am too well-bred to have replied "No, I mean bite me." But that's what I was thinking.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

 

I am too well-bred to have replied "No, I mean bite me."

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[WTMindy]

Aubrey, you look beautiful!!! Exactly like someone bringing life into this world should look!!!! This is what I tell huge pregnant women when I see them, so even thought I can't see you, I know you do!!!! I vowed after being pregnant to never make comments like you mentioned again to a pregnant woman, so I always tell them how beautiful they look. And they really do!!!!

[5kidsforME]

When I was pregnant with my 3rd, I went into a Starbuck's to order coffee. Yes. Coffee. Yes, I drank moderate amounts of coffee while pregnant.

 

Anyway, I ordered my coffee. The barista then looked at my stomach and said, "You mean decaf."

 

:glare:

 

I am too well-bred to have replied "No, I mean bite me." But that's what I was thinking.

 

Now that would have been great if you had said it! :lol:

[lighthouseacademy]

Many years ago, we were at church with a friend of mine. She was 9 months pregnant and it was a warm summer day. The pastor was talking and greeting, then asked her when she was due. She simply answered, "Today" (which was true),

LOL I was at Lowe's the day my ds was born and when the cashier asked me when I was due, she about past out... When I was asked when I was due with dd#2 and I answered Yesterday, they couldn't figure out if I was being sarcastic or serious... yup, she was due the 4th of July but wanted her own birthday.

 

And yes, Aubrey, I think I swore I would be pregnant forever with my son who made me wait so long LOL.

[GSMP]

You would think people would learn NOT to irritate the pregnant women.

 

We don't always like it......

 

I told my husband I could get anything while pregnant. Not many people are dumb enough to tell a pregnant women.....

 

"No, we don't have a public bathroom." You reply, "I need to make sure this wasn't my water breaking or I just need to go potty....!!!"

 

In the restaurant that serves the really good soft ice (I call rabbit pellet ice....:lol:)....."Oh...you crave ice when you're pregnant? Sure, we will gladly fill the cooler you brought with you ..."

 

Show up with out cooler at the same restaurant....."Where is your cooler? You forgot? No problem....we'll see what we have in the kitchen that you can use to take some ice home with you...."

 

Some people get it.......most don't.

 

You poor thing.....come over here....we'll take care of you and use the umbrella on anyone who wants to come near your belly.

[susie in tx]

1. If you see a pg lady, & she's so HUGE, you think you're going to drop your false teeth, & you don't even have any false teeth, but the real ones might fall out, feel free to gape. She's used to it.

 

 

Here's another one. If you see a pg woman with four girls, feel free to openly count them one by one, as though the pg woman has no idea she has four children with her. Then, proceed to stare at her obviously pg belly and begin to make snarky comments to your companions. Talk loudly about how you don't know how you'd manage that many children, as though 5 children is an obscene amount of children.

 

Or, in the Wal-mart, if you see a pg woman with 4 girls and a boy (let's say he's the pg woman's nephew), feel free to strike up a conversation with her about how she's going to be able to afford going to the grocery store once she's had the new baby. Behave and speak as though having 5 children will be an almost insurmountable feat.

 

Whenever you see a pg woman with only one gender of children, always ask if the pg woman knows what the baby is. If the pg woman just says "baby" discuss your own pregnancies and how you don't know how you would have been able to stand not knowing the baby's gender until the birth. Continue to grill the pg woman about the baby's gender, asking if she has a "feeling" one way or the other.

 

I'm sure there are more, but these are the most common ones I've been getting. The large sized comments are coming, though, I can feel it.