Miss Marple Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Grrr...I'm just feeling a little insecure and know it really doesn't matter, but why must I worry what my mom thinks others might think about what I do??? Surely I should be old enough not to worry... My 3rd son is graduating Saturday. We've homeschooled the whole way through. We are having a party at the house on Saturday with about 75 people attending. It's low key, but I'm feeding everyone. So I've been cooking all day and trying to get a "to do" list ready. My parents were planning to come, but canceled yesterday due to being overwhelmed (silly event, but they are older and I understand). I expected it and really it's not a big deal. But I had sent them an invitation to the event and another invitation to my aunt who lives in the same town and who they see on a daily basis. The invitation included 4 pictures of my son (Eagle Scout pic, senior pic, preschool pic, etc.). This aunt has a grandson who is the same age as my youngest two kids and they often spend time in the summers together. Well, imagine my surprise when my mom called to tell me that she was uncomfortable giving my aunt the invitation (I had hoped she would come up with my parents) because she was worried my aunt would think we only sent it to get a gift :( And she added that dad felt the same way (as if that means anything because he always believes whatever she tells him to believe). So now I'm worried that everyone I sent the invitation to (close family and friends) will think we are trolling for gifts. The reality is that I was hoping people would enjoy seeing the picture progression and feel that we considered them special enough to send the invitation. When I receive announcements, I'm always happy to share in the news and I love to see the pictures of the kids, many of whom I haven't seen for years. Sometimes I send a gift, other times a card...but I have never felt anyone was trolling for a gift (unless it was someone who I never met - that has happened twice). Now I'm ashamed and embarrassed that I sent out the invites....and I really want to enjoy this celebration, but now I'm worried. Did I commit an etiquette faux pax? ETA: We sent a total of 17 announcements/invitations to family, close friends, and my son's close friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I think you did fine. I might send a card, a gift or nothing but happy thoughts. When I get announcements, I see them as announcements. Nothing more. No obligation. But then I seldom feel obligated to buy gifts for people anyway. I give gifts because I love people, have a relationship with them and want to celebrate in a tangible way. Not because I am obligated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly1730 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 You did nothing wrong. This is not something to worry about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Don't worry about it. And fwiw, we all ( this is a generalization here) still care about what our mom thinks, no matter how old we are. I'm 45 and I don't ask my mom's permission to do stuff, I live my own life, but it sure hurts when she criticizes me for choices I make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Your mom is wrong. This is your Aunt, not some 3rd cousin you've never met before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Going to ditto that your mom is wrong on this one. You aren't "trolling for gifts," you're celebrating your son's accomplishment and sharing that. Could she be resentful that she feels obligated to give a gift but doesn't want to/can't afford it? Or that her sister will feel that way? Either way, don't let her rain on your parade--or your graduation party! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 You did nothing wrong. I do think it has something to do with our mom's generation. I can totally imagine mine saying the exact same thing! Have a great day Saturday! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WyoSylvia Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I have to say your mom is way off base. How many times have you heard of people being offended that you didn't send them an announcement? Every kid I know, ps or homeschooled, sends out graduation announcements. It's what you do. Most parents I know also have a party. You're not doing anything odd here. I'm sorry that anyone made you feel otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Is her feeling related to not considering home school to be a legitimate accomplishment, or does she just hate graduation parties? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briansmama Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 You did absolutely nothing wrong! People send announcements all the time, and you actually sent invites to the celebration! Enjoy every second if it, homeschooling all the way through is a huge accomplishment. I wonder how your aunt would feel if you didn't extend the invite at all? I'm guessing you'd be criticized for excluding her. Sometimes with family you're darned if you do and darned if you don't. And I hope you don't mind my saying so, but the fact that your mom isn't making the effort to be there speaks volumes. It's a big event, and that's her grandson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 what??? I think your mom is wrong too. Ask her what happens when she gets insulted for not getting an invite. Sheesh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted April 25, 2013 Author Share Posted April 25, 2013 Thanks everyone. At least I know I'm not doing anything odd or greedy-ish. My folks are really very good, considering how they were raised and what they've been through in life, and they are very supportive of homeschooling and proud of their grandsons. They have some rental properties and one of their renters left the place in a mess. Until they looked at the duplex, they were planning to be here. But that mess just sent them over the edge. I know she's feeling guilty about not being here and maybe she's just trying to transfer some of those feelings to me. She has always worried about what people think...and attributes motive where there is none. I've had to learn how to accept compliments graciously because growing up if anyone ever complimented me she would tell me later that they were just trying to be nice or they wanted to ask me for something (babysitting, etc.). I know it's her problem and I understand it, but today it just hit me hard. She didn't even say that the invites were attractive :( I'm not a "crafty" person and I spent hours on Vistaprint uploading photos, scanning photos...seriously it took me hours and she didn't even say anything about it. And I have sent this particular aunt announcements for the other boys' graduations. She's the only aunt I really have any relationship with. Gah! I just need to have a good cry and get it over with so I can move on with the "to do" list :p Thanks for the support :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I think you should call the aunt and let her know why she didn't get an invitation (or make something up if you don't want to tell her the whole story). She is more likely to be wondering why she didn't get one! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 If I was close to the aunt I'd be sure to call her and tell her you had thought she could ride with your parents but since they weren't coming you hope she can make it anyway because you would LOVE to see her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted April 25, 2013 Author Share Posted April 25, 2013 If I was close to the aunt I'd be sure to call her and tell her you had thought she could ride with your parents but since they weren't coming you hope she can make it anyway because you would LOVE to see her. That's essentially what I told my mom. I told her that I had sent those out when I thought they were driving up and had thought she could drive with them. My mom said that she would be sure to tell her that when she takes her the invitation. Hopefully she'll give it to my aunt. This aunt actually came up and stayed for a week with my kids when my dh had emergency heart surgery. She came with my parents but wanted to stay with the kids so that my folks could be at the hospital with me and dh (the hospital is in another town). The boys were just 10 and under at the time, but they really had a good time with her. Shoot, she played basketball with them...she's a good aunt :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 your mother reminds me of my grandmother, who often made such comments. that's not a compliment to your mother. I will be 50 next month - and I stopped caring what my mother said when I was in my teens. I stopped emotionally caring/being hurt by what my grandmother said in my 20's. (we were reared to think grandmother's opinion was the be all and end all.) so apprently you had a better relationship with yours. the only people who think an invitation is a ploy to get a gift are people who send out invitations in ploys to get gifts. I would send/call directly to the aunt telling her I hope she can come. You'd expected her to be able to ride with your mom, but she can't make it, but you'd still love for her to attend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSOchristie Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 Yuck, I'm sorry your mom made you feel insecure. My mom and grandmother are eternal pessimists, and they always see (and call attention to) the potential negatives, real or perceived. I love to get announcements for people's kids, especially with pictures. I have never once questioned the person's motives. Enjoy your party and your awesome accomplishment. I hope your special aunt will get to come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 What!? Sending out a graduation announcement or invitation is not trolling for gifts. No one is ever under any obligation to give a gift for graduation. I love getting graduation announcements with photos from relatives or friends, whether we see them regularly or not. If you included registry information or wrote in the invite SEND CASH, yep, tacky. Otherwise, not at all! That's just nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 double post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baseball mom Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 I think you did fine. I might send a card, a gift or nothing but happy thoughts. When I get announcements, I see them as announcements. Nothing more. No obligation. But then I seldom feel obligated to buy gifts for people anyway. I give gifts because I love people, have a relationship with them and want to celebrate in a tangible way. Not because I am obligated. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina Posted April 25, 2013 Share Posted April 25, 2013 You did nothing wrong! I even sent the announcement/invites to my aunts in CA just because they'd been involved in their lives. If she asks again, just say you wanted to invite them over since you never have an occasion, and you wanted to open your home to friends and family and celebrate! For us, this was definitely true. We never got around to having folks over, and we really just wanted to have an excuse to invite all our family and friends over--finally! PS If you have one more invite, send it in the mail to your aunt! :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 Yes - the only mistake you made was not mailing the invite directly to your aunt and giving your mom a chance to jump into the middle. Call up your aunt and apologize for the invite arriving late. That way it will all be good even if your aunt doesn't get it at all (in case your mom is still to overwhelmed! Sheesh!) Congratulations! Sounds like it will be a wonderful celebration! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted April 26, 2013 Share Posted April 26, 2013 I have no idea why it would be wrong to send invitations to a nice event. I love getting invitations to events, including graduation parties. No one is trolling for any gifts when they make nice invitations and send them to friends and family. You did nothing wrong. Your mother has no clue. (Is this rude? I am sorry if this is rude to your mother. I'll edit if it's offensive). Anyway, now I want to see your pictures! They sound great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted April 26, 2013 Author Share Posted April 26, 2013 Yes - the only mistake you made was not mailing the invite directly to your aunt and giving your mom a chance to jump into the middle. Call up your aunt and apologize for the invite arriving late. That way it will all be good even if your aunt doesn't get it at all (in case your mom is still to overwhelmed! Sheesh!) Congratulations! Sounds like it will be a wonderful celebration! You're right. I sent an invite to my parents and another (separate envelope and stamped) to my aunt in c/o my parents because I didn't have her new address. I should have called for the address. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted April 26, 2013 Author Share Posted April 26, 2013 I have no idea why it would be wrong to send invitations to a nice event. I love getting invitations to events, including graduation parties. No one is trolling for any gifts when they make nice invitations and send them to friends and family. You did nothing wrong. Your mother has no clue. (Is this rude? I am sorry if this is rude to your mother. I'll edit if it's offensive). Anyway, now I want to see your pictures! They sound great! LOL! No, not rude :) She truly thinks that the way she sees the world is the way everyone else sees it (or should see it). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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