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Prayer Works.

Mynyel

By Mynyel,
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gardenmom5

gardenmom5

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I have an aspie. I understand the frustration, especially before he was diagnosed and getting sanctimonious comments from people telling me I was a 'bad' mother (despite four older children who were generally well -regarded) and drs brushing off my concerns. (and the ped I'd taken my kids to for over 25 years being downright RUDE after we got a formal diagnosis from the medical schools child dev center. I will never go to him again.)

 

I believe we have challenges that will stretch us because that is life, and is part of the experience. (I believe everyone has/will-have them - some are visible to others, some aren't. some are the entire life, some are very short and highly intense bursts. some are early in life, and some are late. some are socially acceptable and some aren't. some are because of our own poor choices, some because of someone else's poor choices, and some because things happen. but I believe no one escapes them.)

 

what we do have control over is our attitude. One of the most inspiring people I know suffered a traumatic brain injury 30odd years ago. His first and last motorcycle ride on a friends bike. the friend driving it was killed. he cannot walk and can only get around in a powered wheelchair. he can only speak with great effort, very slowly, and is very difficult to understand. he has partial use of one arm. He has cognitive function lapses. He had a wife and young child. his wife couldn't handle it and left. if you ask him how he is - he is *always* "excellent". He is so happy to just be alive. He is *always* positive.

 

sometimes I feel like 3ds was sent to me because I would love him and be patient with him. That God "trusted" him to me. Several of my kids have said they think he came when they were older because he needs them to be older so they can help.

 

I have found praying for "please take this away" never works. humbly praying "please help me deal with this, know how to deal with this" is more effective. (even our badly burned friend who needed a skin graft on his back - and was in tears in anticipation of the expected pain, he'd had grafts he knew how much it was going to hurt - didn't ask to not need the graft, just for prayers for help in handling it and that the surgery would go well. the next day the surgeon looked at his back before surgery and said "you don't need the graft". he still had to go through the healing process and has the scars.)

 

I have prayed many times for help to find 3ds appropriate care, to help me know what to do, asking what can I do to help him most? for patience to be able to deal with him on a hard day. to just love him for who he is. I can ask what area he most needs help in, and pray for help in how to meet that need for him.

 

I've had things come up and point me in different directions, and things that have helped. after joining a support group and learning more, I wanted to see a DAN! (defeat autism now!). dh was very skeptical, but has a client who coordinates treatment for those with asd. he invited her to our home so we could get feedback on DAN! from her. she said she has always found them to be helpful - the degree of effectiveness may vary, depending upon cause, but I believe every little bit helps. so, dh allowed me to take him to one. I prayed for help finding one - and my allopathic drs tried to steer me away. I finally had to just go online and search - pleading for help in finding one in our area who could help me. I have since learned the one I felt inspired to go to is the best in our area. (and we love her.) another son needed help for a different condition - and again, I pled/prayed for help in finding him appropriate care. again, only after I felt "this is the one", did I find out his credentials and learn just how approrpriate for that son the provider was.

 

I've learned there are at least three different genetic causes, virus, bacteria, and others that can cause ASD. My son has a genetic mutation and we are treating the deficiencies it causes that adversely affect the brain. he will always have areas where he is "different" - but he has made progress he NEVER would have made without a DAN!

 

I firmly believe in the power of prayer. answers aren't always what we want, but prayer is also about learning humilty and faith and trust in God to help us be who HE wants us to be.

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Lang Syne Boardie

Lang Syne Boardie

Posted
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One of the limitations of the new software is that we can't leave "post deleted" notes without individually editing *each* post. When many posts are removed, it just isn't possible to take the time. Sorry, Tibbie. :-)

 

And now many of you have no idea what I'm talking about. Ah, well.

 

Moderator

 

Thank you so much for explaining that! I didn't know it was more a function of the new boards and not exactly a new moderating style. I will cancel my swan song.

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Georgiana Daniels

Georgiana Daniels

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So glad for your answered prayer, Rachel!

 

I went through a period of time where it seemed the more I prayed, the exact opposite thing happened. UNTIL God delivered the breakthrough! Then it's like the floodgates opened up once again, and His answers poured out. It really was about His timing, and it was awesome when things started to come together to make sense.

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unsinkable

unsinkable

Posted
Posted

I have an aspie. I understand the frustration, especially before he was diagnosed and getting sanctimonious comments from people telling me I was a 'bad' mother (despite four older children who were generally well -regarded) and drs brushing off my concerns. (and the ped I'd taken my kids to for over 25 years being downright RUDE after we got a formal diagnosis from the medical schools child dev center. I will never go to him again.)

 

I believe we have challenges that will stretch us because that is life, and is part of the experience. (I believe everyone has/will-have them - some are visible to others, some aren't. some are the entire life, some are very short and highly intense bursts. some are early in life, and some are late. some are socially acceptable and some aren't. some are because of our own poor choices, some because of someone else's poor choices, and some because things happen. but I believe no one escapes them.)

 

what we do have control over is our attitude. One of the most inspiring people I know suffered a traumatic brain injury 30odd years ago. His first and last motorcycle ride on a friends bike. the friend driving it was killed. he cannot walk and can only get around in a powered wheelchair. he can only speak with great effort, very slowly, and is very difficult to understand. he has partial use of one arm. He has cognitive function lapses. He had a wife and young child. his wife couldn't handle it and left. if you ask him how he is - he is *always* "excellent". He is so happy to just be alive. He is *always* positive.

 

sometimes I feel like 3ds was sent to me because I would love him and be patient with him. That God "trusted" him to me. Several of my kids have said they think he came when they were older because he needs them to be older so they can help.

 

I have found praying for "please take this away" never works. humbly praying "please help me deal with this, know how to deal with this" is more effective. (even our badly burned friend who needed a skin graft on his back - and was in tears in anticipation of the expected pain, he'd had grafts he knew how much it was going to hurt - didn't ask to not need the graft, just for prayers for help in handling it and that the surgery would go well. the next day the surgeon looked at his back before surgery and said "you don't need the graft". he still had to go through the healing process and has the scars.)

 

I have prayed many times for help to find 3ds appropriate care, to help me know what to do, asking what can I do to help him most? for patience to be able to deal with him on a hard day. to just love him for who he is. I can ask what area he most needs help in, and pray for help in how to meet that need for him.

 

I've had things come up and point me in different directions, and things that have helped. after joining a support group and learning more, I wanted to see a DAN! (defeat autism now!). dh was very skeptical, but has a client who coordinates treatment for those with asd. he invited her to our home so we could get feedback on DAN! from her. she said she has always found them to be helpful - the degree of effectiveness may vary, depending upon cause, but I believe every little bit helps. so, dh allowed me to take him to one. I prayed for help finding one - and my allopathic drs tried to steer me away. I finally had to just go online and search - pleading for help in finding one in our area who could help me. I have since learned the one I felt inspired to go to is the best in our area. (and we love her.) another son needed help for a different condition - and again, I pled/prayed for help in finding him appropriate care. again, only after I felt "this is the one", did I find out his credentials and learn just how approrpriate for that son the provider was.

 

I've learned there are at least three different genetic causes, virus, bacteria, and others that can cause ASD. My son has a genetic mutation and we are treating the deficiencies it causes that adversely affect the brain. he will always have areas where he is "different" - but he has made progress he NEVER would have made without a DAN!

 

I firmly believe in the power of prayer. answers aren't always what we want, but prayer is also about learning humilty and faith and trust in God to help us be who HE wants us to be.

 

Thank you Kristen.

 

This is wonderful

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shinyhappypeople

shinyhappypeople

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I firmly believe in the power of prayer. answers aren't always what we want, but prayer is also about learning humilty and faith and trust in God to help us be who HE wants us to be.

 

I think it was CS Lewis who wrote something like, "prayer doesn't change God, prayer changes us." Probably badly paraphrased, but that idea has stuck with me. OP, I'm so glad your prayers were answered :)

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Avila

Avila

Posted
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For me, prayer is centering. Not in a new age kind of way. I am no different than anyone else. When I pray and what I ask for does not happens, I can get sad or angry or frustrated. However, when I don't pray and the unspoken bad thing happens, I feel much worse. Why is that?

 

For me, it is because prayer is an unselfish act. Prayer takes me from being self-centered to God-centered. I can get too focused on myself. Prayer helps me step outside that and realize the world does not revolve around me.

 

Bad things happen. Suffering happens. It happens sometimes because we bring it into our lives with our own selfishness. But a lot of it is because we live in a selfish world, in general. We cause suffering to one another, intentionally or unintentionally by our actions and by seeking out our own good, without considering the greater impact. And then there is just the larger suffering that just happens (like earthquakes and natural disasters). Many, many completely innocent people suffer.

 

As a Christian, I am called to suffering. I am called to follow Christ. And where did he go? To the cross and the crucifixion. I have to follow him there, to that. I have to take up my own crosses. Prayer gives me the strength to do that.

 

God is not Santa. He gave us free will, and some of the suffering that happens is caused by own our free will and that of other people. But being a Christian in no way promises a life free from suffering. I would not want to serve a God who gave me my own way, at the expense of someone else. It does not work like that.

 

Continuing to love God and serve God in the midst of suffering is one of the hardest things Christians have to do. It is so easy to see unanswered prayers and tragedy as signs that God is not here or that he does not care. It is hard to understand a God who is omniscient and omnipotent and who loves us and still allows evil in the world.

 

It is hard to watch other people have answered prayers while our own go unanswered. But to me, thinking that way is still putting the focus on me and not God.

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justamouse

justamouse

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We ALL -- we *ALL* have emotional appeals to God that haven't been answered and that we've suffered for, and yet, many of us still believe and still pray and continue to do so because we have also received answers to some prayers. Our love for God also goes beyond what we might receive as an answer to prayer. The same way I don't love my Dh because he does things for me.

 

We live in a fallen world, where WE, ourselves, are the cause of much of man's suffering. God respects free will. He does not zap things into being, and to say that He didn't miraculously heal the little girl is not to say that God isn't saddened by cancer and the deaths it causes OR that He's not leading scientists to find the cure--hopefully once and for all. And that we all, and every person affected by cancer aren't also praying for a cure.

 

God is not a puppeteer. He has given us more responsibility than we humans like to be accountable for.

 

The act of contrition goes as such, "Oh my God, I am sorry for my sins, in what I have done and what I have FAILED TO DO..." What we fail to do is to be our brother's keeper. We argue about the right way to do so, but to say that people who pray or that people who believe in God aren't working for the greater good in alleviating human suffering is willful ignorance.

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justamouse

justamouse

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Prayer is not a commercial activity. It's not a soda machine where I put in a prayer and out comes an answer.

 

You get some answered, you don't get some answered. Some, get answered in ways you weren't wanting or expecting, some are answered but you were too oblivious to see it. Some answers take years to come.

 

Prayer is an inward spiritual practice that brings you closer to God (God is always close to you). It's not about what you get answered.

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QuirkyKapers

QuirkyKapers

Posted
Posted

I have been mulling this thread over now since yesterday. Here is the question that pops in my mind: What is it that would have someone continue to believe in prayer if their prayers weren't answered? Of course, this really has nothing to do with responding to the OP happiness in having a prayer answered. To the OP, thanks for sharing your happiness! For the rest of the discussion, thanks for giving me something more to ponder over as I think personally why I continue to believe in prayer even when my prayers haven't been answered and I have had pain, upon pain, upon pain happen in my life despite prayers that have been made. I am not being snarky. It is good for me to think about something that I have just assimilated into my life and relied on for so long. This helps me move from the top layer of what I think, to something deeper.

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Georgiana Daniels

Georgiana Daniels

Posted
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When people experience the kind of raw disappointment in God over unanswered prayers, it can do one of two things:

 

1. Draw them closer to God. So close that His love and care outshine the problems, and His comfort overwhelms.

 

2. Drive them away from the heart of God, striking out on their own. After all, if He cared, why didn't He intervene?

 

I've experienced both over the course of many years. I get it! But it comes back to believing that a loving Father ALWAYS answers prayers, even if the answer is No. The Bible doesn't promise us an easy life. In fact, it says that WHEN the waters rise, they will not overwhelm us.

 

Why don't we see more physical healings? (Since you mentioned a child with autism.) The answer....I don't know. I DO believe that in the last days the glory will increase and we'll likely see more of what we saw in the New Testament. (But that's a whole 'nother post.)

 

Sometimes the answer to our prayers is an adjustment to our hearts and spirits--after all, what we see and experience on Earth is temporary. God's working with us with eternity in mind. Sometimes the answer is a resounding YES. And sometimes it's a Wait, not yet.

 

It's OK to get real with God and ask the hard questions. He's big enough to handle it :)

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gardenmom5

gardenmom5

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we are not mortals trying to have a spiritual experience through prayer. we are *already* spiritual beings - stuck in a mortal plane having a mortal experience. *sincere* prayer helps to awaken that spirtual side of us. our awareness, perceptions, etc. are very miniscule to what the "big picture" is. if you can picture a very large tapestry, only your eyeball is up against it. maybe even close enough to see through the holes between the threads so you aren't even aware the tapestry is there. when we pray, we can pull back a tiny bit to see a few threads of the tapestry. Maybe it will be enough to kinda/sorta get an idea of a small part of the image we're pressed up against , and maybe not. I believe God knows the "big picture". He sees the entire thing. He know where each thread leads, as we pray, we gain "perspective".

 

One similie used in the NT is that "He sits as a refiner of silver." well, do you know how silver is refined? an ingot is held above a flame while the impurities are burned off. It must be watched the whole time lest it be overheated. It must be taken off the flame at the right time - the refiner was asked when that time was - "When I can see my image" he replied.

we are the silver, and the Savior is the refiner. God is watching us. always. even when He is quiet, He is watching, ever ready.

 

I've had desperate prayers go unanswered - for YEARS. (I've also had them answered dramatically) something that was crucial for our family - and they still went unanswered. I've learned *what*, and how, is asked for can be more important than the prayer itself in getting a response. it's not just about our faith, humility, trust it God, etc. that affects prayers being answered - it has to be in our "tapestry" for them to be. God sees the whole thing, and in the big picture/tapestry *EVERYTHING* and I MEAN EVERYTHING is FAIR. for everyone. because life is more than this mortal sphere we're currently occupying and can't see outside of.

 

I'm not advocating seeking out difficulty (because I'm not. it's quite capable of finding us all. by. itself.), but as we experience pain and sorrow and grief, it actually increases our ability to experience and appreciate joy. (even though it doesnt' seem like it at the time.) that whole - if you don't know what bitter tastes like - how do you know what's sweet?

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gardenmom5

gardenmom5

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dudeling had a DAN!dr appointment today - and he got. on. the. scale! this is MAJOR!!!! he actually stood on it! voluntarily. wihtout endless cagoling or begging. (and me picking him up and weighing us both.)

 

we added a new supplement for the methylation cycle (his doesn't work) - and it seems to be helping - big time. I'm really curious to see the difference it will make as time goes on. he's actually voluntarily sounding out words too -instead of having to be forced to read. he was sounding out the street signs while I was stopped at a red light, and he's been reading the directions for his math problems.

 

I am very grateful.

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gardenmom5

gardenmom5

Posted
Posted

one thing I'd like to add . . .

as we were going through a prolonged period of difficulty, I came to the realization, why should I expect good things to happen for me, if I couldn't be happy for someone else to whom good things came?

yes - being happy for someone with a job, while being unemployed.

yes - being happy for someone able to have a child while dealing with infertility.

yes - being happy for someone whose loved one survived a serious illness while I bury mine.

(and I've been in each of those positions. to take away their joy in their time of happiness because I was hurting, would have been selfish. and it's not all. about. me. and some of those same people grieved and rejoiced with me in turn.)

 

if it's too hard - then go to a quiet place until the pain subsides and then come out again.

 

we aren't animals - we are expected to be better than that.

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justamouse

justamouse

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Posted

OK, here goes. I will tell the story of one profoundly answered prayer and hopefully it might shed some light on how God might work in someone's life. If you've head tis before, feel free to ignore. *wink*

 

12 years ago I had a herniated disk. It was pretty bad, I was seeing Drs, a chiro, getting all kinds of treatments. I started taking steroids and man, that helped. I was almost living normally. But then I got pregnant, and I had to stop the steroids immediately.

 

At 7 weeks I found out I was pregnant with twins. Now, here's an interesting part. I knew I was pregnant with twins as soon as I was pregnant. I heard a voice in my head. I had NO famililal predisposition to twins, so this, for me, was a weird thing. And I didn't tell anyone, I just pondered it in my heart. We'd find out if it was true, yes? :D

 

The disk got worse and as the pregnancy progressed to 10 weeks, I was living on my stomach on a bed. It was horrible. I couldn't take care of my 3 other children, I couldn't cook or clean or school the kids, my Dh was seriously worried about not only my own health, but my ability to care for the children. And, on top of it, being pregnant, I just didn't even *know* how I was going to carry the pregnancy to term. So I started praying. And I had a lot of time to pray as I was in bed every day. All I could think of was that they were going to have to carve a hole out of the mattress for my stomach to fit in, and how on earth would I give birth? Things were NOT good. I was praying, *fervently* for a miracle. I mean, I needed one desperately.

 

At 11 weeks, I lifted my foot behind me to put on a sock and my disk blew.

 

I was brought to a local hospital where the Dr in the ER wouldn't *treat* me because of the pregnancy. He left me on a gurney screaming --I was screaming--for 8 hours. No MRI, nothing. He told me to take some tylenol and go home. Seriously. Not kidding. By the time my Dh got me out of there with a transport ambulance I lost my ability to pee and with no pain meds I was in and out of consciousness with the pain. And I have a crazy high tolerance to pain.

 

At about 10 hours I got to a much better hospital, and though the Drs I needed were at a convention giving talks, the pain specialist at the hosp was able to give me dilaudid (sp) which apparently is a very clean narcotic and would be the safest thing for the babies.

 

I could not feed myself, my mom had to feed, me. I could not MOVE. Two days later the Drs who were able to treat me flew in. They got the surgical team together, and the anesthesiologist told me flat out that we might lose the babies. Dh and I knew this, but what was I to do? I was suffering nerve damage, they were considering a colostomy, I couldn't move...I had no choice, I HAD to get this operation.

 

What I did have was what I believed to be God, who told me I was going to have twins. And I held onto that. He was speaking to my future, so I knew the babies would make it--I was terrified, I was full of doubt, I was in pain, I was terrified. It wasn't some easy breezy faith. I was in tears all the time.

 

To get a proper MRI, they had to shove me in the tube. I am not a person to be claustrophobic. They packed me with blankets and cranked me in there and I almost had a panic attack. I had to close my eyes and go deep within my own head. I couldn't pray, nothing. I mean, like every memorized prayer FLEW out of my head, and all I could concentrate on was a childhood song, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Into the fiery furnace they were therefore cast, Nebuchanezzer thought they'd never last, but God was there he never let them go, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. And I realized that WE, the babies and I were Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. And we were in the fire, but God would keep us.

 

It was a one foot in front of the other thing, I was dulled with pain and just trusting blindly because there was nothing else I could do, so under I went. The operation took 46 minutes. I was the first in the US to even have the operation while pregnant with twins, and now the twins are 11.

 

I got my prayers answered, but I went though hell to get there. But God was with us, he never let us go. He didn't keep me from the flood, he kept me *through* it.

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gardenmom5

gardenmom5

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I've had "reality" changed by prayer as well as "getting on board with the plan".

 

to get an answer, the standard answers are faith, humility, etc. but we also need to think about how we are wording the prayer, and breaking it down into pieces instead of the end product. then we need to do our part to make it happen.

 

God doesn't do the work for us, we're here to learn. Just as we don't do the homework for our children, we expect them to do their own so they will learn, but we will give assistance when it is appropriate. one thing I have learned. my idea of when I need help can be very different from the Lord's idea of when (or even what) I need help. But help does come.

 

. - He helps us, but we still need to do the footwork. (as in your example of the couple who didn't seek medical care for their children. God expects us to do what we can, in that case - seeking appropriate medical care. - and then He can make up the difference. as in our friend who was severely burned. the dr commented it wasn't the same back he had looked at the day before. the one from the day before had to have grafts in order to heal. it had healed sufficiently overnight to not need the grafts. medically speaking, it shouldn't have been possible - but the Lord made up the difference.)

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Mom-2-7

Mom-2-7

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It does work. And yet every single time, I am amazed all over again by how awesome God is.

 

Happy for you! :hurray:

 

 

This, exactly. One would think that I would be used to. God coming through for me and expect it, but I guess I'm just hard headed that way.

 

So glad you got the blessing of seeing God in action!

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Carol in Cal.

Carol in Cal.

Posted
Posted

God is not a slot machine or a waitress.

He answers prayers but sometimes He says 'no' or 'wait'. Those are still answers; they are just not the answers that we want.

Sometimes He says 'yes'. That feels like quite a love letter, but He loves us just as much when He says 'no' or 'wait'.

He has purposes that we will see clearly in the here and now, and others that we will not understand this side of heaven.

He always hears us.

He tells us to pray.

He is God, so we do.

He amazes us.

He draws our faith and trust out of us toward Him, magnetically. We can rest quietly in Him even when times are very hard. This doesn't mean that we are not desperate and agitated, but it does mean that we know that He is with us.

When we are indignant at something He has not answered our way, we should pray about that as well. After all, He already knows how we feel; it's not like it's a secret from Him, so why not talk to Him about it?

He has given us our very lives, our salvation, and all of the good that we have. For all of this it is our duty and priviledge to thank, praise, serve, and obey Him.

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aggieamy

aggieamy

Posted
Posted

I do feel prayer works, just not always the way we want it to. That being said our family could really use some prayers right now me standing alone in prayer is not working right now.

 

:)

 

I'll add you to my prayer list.

 

((HUGS))

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joannqn

joannqn

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Posted

I think the best prayer, the most likely kind to be answered, is when we ask for strength, wisdom, understanding, courage, patience, help, etc. in dealing with a difficult task. We need to seek his will with the faith that says, "No matter the outcome, I know God will use this for good somehow even if I don't see or understand what he is doing."

 

I've known people dying from incurable cancer who never wavered on their faith. They weren't asking for a cure so much as asking for God's will, whether it be a cure or otherwise. Even at the end, knowing that a cure was not God's plan, they never faltered in their faith, but rather rejoiced that they would be seeing God soon and that God would help their loved ones with their grief. One person I'm thinking of specifically, didn't die for nothing. Watching her faith, helped me increase mine. It wasn't long after that I would need it...

 

Years ago, DH made it known that he wanted a divorce and was seeking custody of the kids. I begged for him to reconsider, explaining that I believed he was making the wrong choice...especially given that we both went into marriage with the belief that divorce was never on option. He had convinced himself divorce was acceptable in his situation. I did convince him to remain in our home, though we stopped sharing a bedroom, until after I returned from a retreat scheduled a few months later.

 

I prayed and prayed and prayed. I feel I was lead to exactly the right resources I needed to get through this difficult time. One book helped me to break out of co-dependency, and it wasn't even about co-dependency. Another resource helped me keep faith that God could and would keep our marriage together. I was convinced of this point because the Bible tells us that God hates divorce. Staying married was in line with Scripture.

 

I did not pray for God to change my husband, though at that point, I did think he needed changing. I did pray for God to save my marriage. But mostly I prayed that God would give me the strength to deal with things no matter how it turned out, the wisdom to know what to do, the ability to hear God speaking, and help me to be a better mother and wife. During this time, I felt very strongly lead to cancel my appointment with an attorney despite very strong fears that I'd lose everything without one. By canceling that appointment, I was putting my faith and trust in God, rather than men, no matter what happened. (I had no reason to fear for my or my children's safety.)

 

My birthday passed completely unacknowledged. My husband didn't even suggest to the kids that they tell me happy birthday. It hurt.

 

Fast forward 26 days later...it was my husband's birthday. I told the kids that they should wish him a happy birthday despite how hurt I still was over him ignoring mine. Then my daughter decided she wanted to give him a present. I had so little money; I certainly didn't want to spend it on a husband who was soon leaving me. I tried to talk her out of it, but in the end I was lead to buy what she wanted (a DVD) out of obedience to what I felt God was telling me to do...love my husband anyway. Then she wanted to make a cake. I wanted to spend my time on him even less than I wanted to spend my money on him. I tried so hard to get her to just let me buy a cake. Nope, my four year old wasn't having it. Knowing I had to make that cake, I called my best friend, the only person in the world who supported my efforts to trust God and save my marriage. I cried big, wet, noisy, tears to my friend on the other end of the cell phone as I walked through the parking lot and aisles of the store. I didn't want to buy a cake. I didn't want to make a cake. But I knew God wanted me to make a cake, so I did out of obedience. Then we sang happy birthday before I left for a support group I attended.

 

That night DH didn't sleep, not for one minute. The next morning, he called off the divorce. That was 9 years ago. We are still married and doing better than ever. And over the years, DH has changed in many of the ways I had wanted when this all started. But it took me being willing to trust in God, act in obedience, and make changes in myself first.

 

Sometimes we never see the good that comes from something like this, but in this case, it is obvious. I needed DH to pursue divorce. I didn't know I needed it. And it sure hurt like heck to go through it. But without that experience and the books I was lead to buy, I would never have escaped co-dependency. My biggest co-dependent fear was coming true...and it was survivable. Seeing that, I was able to let go of co-dependency and learn to be me again. What's the worst that would happen if I was just me rather than being who I thought he wanted? Divorce? Oh, that's already happening. Ok, I'll just be me then. Breaking that chain allowed me to go off antidepressants a couple of months later; I haven't needed them since. I needed that experience so I could become mentally healthier.

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